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I walked right out the door. Blaine's parents yelled to me to come back, so they could talk to me and help me understand. But I...I just can't. I can't turn back and face them. Not after what just happened. It, it will take time. I don't know how much, maybe a little or maybe a lot. I don't know. This...well... This was unexpected, something I would have never guess. I wish this was just a dream. A nightmare of some sort and hopefully I would wake up, back in my bedroom, where I had fallen asleep doing my insanely complicated calculus homework. I'd wake up face first in to some stupid problem that I would never use or see in my life again.

But all that seemed incapable as people rushed by me bumping in to my sides as they past. Some of them spoke the words of "Help", "Excuse me", or an occasionally "Sorry." But I didn't grasp what they were saying, to me, it sounded muffled and slurred. Like everyone around me was drunk and on the edge of being crazy. I just kept walking, walking away from all the "drunk" people that pasted me by, walking straight, paralyzed to just walking and not to stop anytime soon. My feet moved stiffly as I made it down the street. Slowly and slightly off balanced. Occasionally tripping over my own feet.

The wind of the night began to pick up as I turned a corner a few blocks away from all those "drunk" people. The cashmere scarf around my neck flew off me; it danced in the wind haphazardly. But I let it go, never to see it again. Right now, I could care less about my stupid scarf. The iced December wind attacked my pale tear streaked face. Tears didn't seem to fall after that. My left hand gripped the note book that was given to me, from ... Blaine. My heart screamed in pain at the thought and sound of his name. Blaine told me to read the notebook. Read everything. He said it didn't matter when I started it. It could be today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now. But I had to read and complete it. He said if I started it, that I had to finish it. No brakes. No stopping. Finish it all in one shot. When I asked him why, all he said was, "Please Kurt . . . my love . . . just do it. . . No questions." Tears ran down his face as he spoke those few words. I had no response for that, but my heart ached for him, it ached for him then, and it aches for him now. No...My heart cries for him now because I can't believe what he did. To keep something like that away from me, to not let me know something that important. I feel blind and used in a way.

I came back to the present, when I walked face first into a pole. The ice covered pole felt warm against my frozen face. I wrapped my arms tightly around it. I needed something sturdy and strong to support me as my knees began to give out. My eyes began to water again and my breathing was unsteady. I can't cry, I thought to myself, there's no need to. There is no need to cry. As I tried to even out my breathing, I looked around to come to realize that I was in an empty playground. The snow untouched marked only by my little trail of footsteps. The snow sparkled in the moonlight. The moon was big and bright this night, almost full it seemed. The park seemed bright and lit up even though the time was against it. It had to be past midnight. No one was there. No one would see.

Screw it, I thought as I walked over to a swing and plopped down on it. Placed the note book in my lap, elbows on my knees and my hands in my face. Once that one tear escaped my water filled eyes, the rest seemed to fall with no care of who would see. And it was true, I gave up on trying not to cry, trying to hide my pain, I don't care about who sees me cry right now. I don't care what they think. They can think whatever they want.

After a while, breathing normal became hard as I cried. My tears would fall from eyes but freeze on their way down, burning my cheeks as they slowed their pace. The frozen air burned my throat as I gasped for air while I sobbed. As if that wasn't bad enough, the damn note book Blaine gave me began to burn on my knees. It itched to be touch, to be opened, to feel wanted, to be read by no other but me. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. I took a few deep breaths trying to compose myself. I fixed the notebook so it faced me properly. My hands began to shake as I reached to open the cover. This is it, there's no turning back after I open it. I thought recalling Blaine's words. I can do this. I closed my eyes and breathed deep as my hand flipped open the cover. Opening my eyes to a white envelope paper clipped to the first page. Written on the envelope in Blaine's messy writing was the words, "IMPORTANT: READ FIRST BEFORE TOUCHING OR READING ANY OTHER PART OF THIS NOTEBOOK. Love, Blaine Anderson!" I laughed half-heartedly at the crazy smiley face placed next to his name. It had a big head and big eyes with a mustache. I grabbed the envelope carefully sliding it out from under the paper clip. Turning it over and opening to finding piece of a folded up notebook paper inside. I removed the paper from the envelope and began to open it. The paper seemed to be ripped out of another notebook, a composition notebook, for the notebook that the paper was placed in was not a composition notebook. Scared of what it would say or show I carefully opened it and skimmed the first sentence about 7 times. "Dear Kurt," it read but for some reason I had to read it multiple times to make sure it was written out to me and no one else. When I finally concluded it was, I began to read farther down.

Dear Kurt,

Hello there, love, how are you? Not like I'll be able to hear your answer though since this is a piece of paper and not the real me, just my writing, on this lovely piece of gorgeous paper ripped from my composition notebook (I thought about writing this during history, and I didn't want to forget so I destroyed my comp book and wrote it, hehe I'm a rebel ;) And if you actually answered that question out loud, I hope no one is around to hear you, cause then they'd think you're crazy for talking to yourself, or piece of paper. But you're not crazy so don't let anyone tell you differently! Because you're amazing, talented, and so so so so so so SOOOOOOOOO beautiful. Remember that! Oh, and remember that I Love You!

Always!

Besides the fact that I love you (very much ;), if your reading this, then that means . . . Well let's not think negatively shall we? Let hope your reading this cause when I went to the bathroom you decided to snoop around your boyfriend's bedroom to see if you could find anything interesting. (I highly doubt that because my room is so nothing compared to yours.) Then you found this! This notebook; the notebook that I write in about you.

Yes, Kurt. YOU! AND ONLY YOU, MON AMOUR!

I wrote in this notebook about you, because let's say if we broke up (which could possibly NEVER happen, because I love you way to much! unless you don't want me D: /3 haha just kidding I know you love me!) or something else (I don't know) happened I would want you to read this to know how much of an impact you had in my life and to prove my love for you. And this, this will tell you practically everything.

But when you start this, YOU MUST FINISH WITH NO STOPPING. Aka since your reading this right now, it means you're going to have to finish it in the next 24 hours! Guess that means we can't go on our date or have a little bit of fun, if you know what i mean ;), when I get back from the bathroom. Hey, you know what! I should actually be back by now, to stop you from reading this. HELLO! REAL BLAINE (this is paper Blaine, by the way.) WHERE ARE YOU? haha. I'm just kidding since you found this you're going to have to finish it weather you like it or not! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm evil! ;)

You know that song Bleed by Hot Chelle Rae? Probably not. Well the chorus, yeah, you'll get the point. "I bleed my heart out on this paper for you. So you can see what I can't say. I'm dyin' here, 'Cause i can't say what I want to. I bleed my heart out just for you."

Okay, I'll stop writing this letter so you can get on with the rest of the lovely notebook full of letters written to and about you!

With all my LOVE & the world,

Blaine