May 28, 2013, 10:47 a.m.
Make It Work: Chapter 12
E - Words: 2,838 - Last Updated: May 28, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 16/16 - Created: Feb 05, 2013 - Updated: May 28, 2013 137 0 0 0 0
As Kurt settled into the chair, it hit him that he wouldn't do another interview for a few months. In two days the last person would be eliminated, and the remaining four would be finalists. That meant that they would each return home and have three months to create an entire line of clothing, and that collection would determine the winner. Lucky for Kurt, he would have a significant amount of time off work to focus solely on his collection. Technically he wasn't supposed to tell anyone if he'd made it to the finals or not, but Isabelle had told him if he got back and felt he needed some "time off", they'd be perfectly willing to let him work part time for the summer.
The interviewer shuffled the papers in her hands a few times and then gave Kurt the signal. "Kurt, today marked the start of the very last challenge, what does it entail?"
"This challenge is the same as the first one, create a piece that embodies who you are as a designer."
"So what are you doing differently this time than you did before?"
"Everything," Kurt said, huffing out a laugh. "I'm kidding of course, but this competition has helped me grow as a designer in so many ways. I'm just trying to incorporate all I've learned- to show the judges how far I've come since the beginning."
"Regardless of what happens tomorrow, you'll be going home, so what are you looking forward to most?"
"My family, my bed, my friends..." he trailed off, "This has been a wonderful experience, but I'm really looking forward to getting back to my normal life."
"Speaking of your normal life, how do you think your time on Project Runway will change it?"
"Well I plan on working on my collection for the next three months," Kurt said with confidence, "but even beyond that, I hope that I have been able to showcase my talent and make enough connections that I will more easily be able to break into the fashion industry."
The interview centered around Kurt's overall experience on the show and his future plans, straying from previous focuses like the latest challenge and the other designers, until the end. With one last look downward, the interviewer met Kurt's eyes with a small smile on her face. "One last thing Kurt, there have been rumors going around that there's a little romance going on between you and fellow designer Blaine Anderson, care to comment?"
Kurt shouldn't have commented. It would have been the professional thing to do, but instead he panicked, and royally fucked things up. "Well that's just completely untrue," he said, willing his face not to give anything away. "Blaine and I are just friends, if even that. Quite frankly I find the kid's enthusiasm a little annoying- he's like a big puppy." Kurt's strained laughter was echoed by the interviewer's, sounding equally as forced, and the interview stopped there.
The tension, manifested by whispered comments between the camera crew and the interviewer refusing to look at him, hung in the air as Kurt gather his stuff. The only saving grace was the intense awkwardness was sure to get that question cut in the editing process. For some reason he'd reverted back high school defense system- cutting others down. It left a bad taste in his mouth and he couldn't wait to get out of there.
Kurt exited the conference room and headed to the lobby where the elevator door was just about to close. "Hold the door!" he called, rushing forward to press elevator button. The door opened back up and standing inside was Blaine. "Oh hey," Kurt said, a smile spreading across his face, "What are you doing here."
Blaine didn't answer right away and it gave Kurt a chance to really look at him. He stood stiffly as if he was afraid to move and although his expression was neutral, Kurt knew something was very wrong. But before he could ask what that was Blaine spoke. "I just came down to say hi to my friend, or can I even call you that?"
It took a moment but when it clicked, Kurt felt his stomach sink. "Come on Blaine, you know all that stuff I said was just for the camera."
"Do I?" Blaine asked, his emotions threatening to break through the facade. "Because honestly it's all still a little fuzzy. You say you wanted to keep this a secret because it would look unprofessional, but the show isn't airing for months, Kurt. And by the time it does do you think anyone is going to care? And either way, you didn't have to be cruel about it. You didn't have to insult me in front of the whole world."
"I'm sorry about that, I really am," Kurt said, taking a step closer. They had gotten off the elevator but were still in the hallway, not making any move towards their room. "I panicked. But you know it isn't just that, I don't want to broadcast my whole personal life on national TV."
"I'm not asking you to broadcast anything, I'm just saying it sucks to hear someone you care so much about say they're nothing to you. I know it's only two more days but-"
"Two days?" Kurt asked, his brows furrowing.
"Until the competition is over... until we're going to be together..." Blaine trailed off, sounding equally confused.
A wave of nausea came over Kurt as he realized the misunderstanding. This was huge. "Blaine, if we're both finalists, the competition doesn't end for three more months..."
Blaine gasped quietly and began shaking his head. "You mean this summer- that entire three months- we're not-"
"I mean we can still see each other," Kurt cut in quickly, "and be together, but publicly just on the down low."
"You don't want to be with me," Blaine said in the same quiet voice as he took a step back.
"No of course I do! It's just, if the judges found it, it could..." Kurt grappled for a reason, eventually saying, "it could change things." It was a lame excuse but he couldn't put into words what he was feeling. Perhaps he didn't even know what he was feeling.
"How! How, Kurt?" The softness was gone, replaced by anger. It was if all the feelings that Blaine had been holding in were now exploding out in short bursts.
"If you really like me, why can't you wait three months?"
"If you really like me, how can you stand to?"
Neither had an answer so they stood there, breathing hard, waiting for the silence to be broken. Finally Kurt began, "Look, let's talk about this later-" but Blaine didn't let him finish. "No, I'm tired of avoiding this, we can't just ignore it!" Quiet fell again.
"I can't do this," Blaine said, looking Kurt in the eyes. "I can't do this for another three months."
It was a question, and Kurt's silence was the answer.
"Wait," Kurt called when Blaine was halfway down the hall. Blaine turned back once more, a little hope on his face, which made Kurt wish he'd never opened his mouth. Because he had nothing for him. Blaine realized that after a moment, and his face turned to one of disgust, as he turned his back on Kurt once more.
&&&&&
The anger started to fade before Blaine has even made it to his room. He bottled things up, but once they were out, not usually by his own accord, they soon dissipated. Replacing the rage was an intense, aching sadness. He had known things with Kurt were too good to be true, and he was right.
The borderline scalding water washed over Blaine and he stood there, unable to find the motivation to even wash his hair. He thought taking a shower would clear his mind, but it only gave him more time to think. And his brain wouldn't shut up. It was obvious to him that Kurt didn't care about him like he said he did, but what he couldn't figure out is why Kurt had let it go on so long. It was possible that it was all a plan to eventually mess with his mind and get him eliminated, but there were too many instances where Kurt helped him overcome his insecurity or self-proclaimed defeat and do well in a challenge. So the only other thing Blaine could think was that Kurt simply didn't care as much as Blaine did. Maybe this was only meant to be a fling and he got freaked out that Blaine wanted more.
The thoughts swirled wildly in his head and he let them be swallowed up by the drain. Once he stepped out of the shower he shoved his headphones in, turned up the music, and let everything be drowned out. He wasn't in the right state of mind to be doing any deep thinking right now; he could only continue to hurt himself.
Though it was only seven o'clock, Blaine climbed into bed and shut his eyes. His head was pounding, partly from the loud music and partly from the crying he'd done earlier. Unlike many guys his age, he wasn't afraid to cry. He'd read once it was the body's way of getting back to homeostasis, and whether that was true or not, he took it as fact. After crying he felt better, and that was reason enough to do it.
&&&&&
Everything since that moment in the hallway life had been a painful blur. Sometimes, for a few seconds, Blaine would forget why he felt so awful, and then it would all come rushing back. Or he'd turn to say something to Kurt only to swallow the words in his mouth. When it got especially bad Blaine wondered if he should have just agreed to wait those three months; surely even that wouldn't be worse than this. But he knew a clean break would be easier than having Kurt string him along only to cut him loose later on.
Surprisingly, his work didn't suffer. In fact, he, as well as Tim, was overly impressed with his piece. It was more mature, more innovative than his dress from the first challenge, but it was still him. While his emotions raged on the inside, his hands were smooth and efficient as they cut and sewed the white dress to perfection.
Kurt, on the other hand, seemed to be having a harder time. Frustrated noises and hushed curses came from his station which was common for many designers but not for him. He was usually the definition of poised. It made Blaine a little happy, and a lot guilty, to know this was hurting Kurt as much as it was hurting him.
The day passed quickly and that night brought the first time Kurt and Blaine were forced to interact since the fight. Whatever time Kurt had come in the night before Blaine was already asleep, and by the time Kurt woke up this morning Blaine was ready and in the common area. The familiarity of them getting ready for bed, the way they knew each other's schedules and accommodated without a second thought, only served to remind Blaine of what he lost, and to mourn what could have been.
Sleep didn't come as easy that night. Blaine lied awake thinking of the next day. He felt fairly confident he'd make it to the finals and that shone as the only good thing in his life right now. As long as he was still in the competition he'd get to keep designing and putting off what came next for him. He wasn't like Kurt, he didn't have connections in the fashion world that he could use his time on Project Runway to strengthen, he'd have to start from scratch in the industry. And there had been plenty of Project Runway finalists over the years; it would take him winning the whole thing to get any serious traction. But he would get a job at some local coffee shop or grocery store, and use the 8000 dollar stipend to create his collection, and that seemed like a pretty good summer to him.
&&&&&
Alice chattered on and on to both their benefits. For her it was a release of nerves, a way to control that tight knot in her stomach, and for Blaine it allowed him to be elsewhere. Kurt was talking with Emmy although he didn't seem to be saying much either. Blaine was watching him out of the corner of his eye and saw him glance over a couple times, but their eyes never really met. Alice had noticed and asked about the tension, one of the things Blaine actually caught in her soliloquy, but he'd shrugged and offered nothing and she had well moved on.
Only Harry sat alone as the lights dimmed and the show began, and even in his state, Blaine felt in awe by the production. It was the shortest show of them all, there only being five pieces, but the lights seemed to shine brighter and the models looked even more stunning. Everything was heightened. For Blaine it was over too soon, and when the magic went the reprieve from the storm cloud that followed him did too.
The judges went round and round, praising them all, congratulating them on how far they'd come. They announced there would be four finalists but that when they returned, one would be eliminated based on their collection before it was even shown at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. To Blaine, that would be the most disappointing; spending three months creating a line that wouldn't even get to walk the runway.
Then, without much warning, Alice was declared the winner of the challenge. The black maxi dress had moved incredibly, flowing up and around the models legs without hindering her walking. Harry was told he was safe next, and Blaine began to sweat a bit. There was now a sixty-six percent chance that either he or Kurt would be eliminated. If that happened, there wouldn't even have needed to be a fight the other night. They could have been together during the summer and for the indefinite future, never knowing how close they were to losing it all.
"Blaine," Heidi addressed him, "We're so proud to see how far you've come, but we're still worried that you're not quite innovative enough, why do you think you should be a finalist?"
"Well, I think I represent the more client-based side of fashion. I know how to work with people and give them what they want, while still making it my own. I'll always be a commercial designer, but I think- I know I can make a collection unique enough to stand out, while still being something people will actually wear."
The judges nodded, conferred quickly, and then Heidi smiled brightly at him. "Congratulations Blaine, you're a finalist, you may leave the runway."
Breathing out, Blaine felt lighter than he had in days as he walked off the stage. He turned back for a second to see the two figures left standing, Emmy and Kurt. Kurt would of course be the last finalist. As much as the judges pretended not to, Blaine knew they took into account what a designer had done previously when picking the finalists. The dress Kurt made this week wasn't his best, but he was far too talented for them to let him go now.
Blaine was proved right a few minutes later and despite everything, Blaine was so relieved when Kurt walked through that door with a smile on his face.
&&&&&
The only sounds were drawers opening and closing and zippers being zipped. It drove Kurt a little bit crazy but he knew he was in no place to do anything about it. Whether or not he regretted what he did wasn't clear yet. He knew when he looked at Blaine that his heart ached worse than it ever had. He knew that he already missed him even though they hadn't left yet. But still, the decision stood. He meant what he told Blaine, if he couldn't wait three months for him then obviously he didn't care as much as Kurt had thought.
Then Blaine finished packing and an even more awkward silence overtook. Blaine was fiddling with his phone which they had just recently gotten back from the producers, but Kurt knew he was really just biding his time. To break the silence or not to. Eventually Kurt needed to end it, needed for him to be gone. "Goodbye Blaine," he said, his voice slightly scratchy.
"Goodbye," he replied so softly that had Kurt not watched his lips moved he wouldn't have heard it. Then he was gone, leaving Kurt alone.
It took a few more minutes before the finality of it sunk in. He didn't have Blaine's phone number, or email, or anyway to contact him. He knew he lived in Queens, near Parkside, but that was it. And he was just as in the dark about Kurt's information. Funny as it seemed, all of that had been completely irrelevant until now. So as Kurt stood in the now empty apartment, he realized after a full month of seeing Blaine everyday, he wouldn't see or even talk to him for another three.