Really, when Kurt thought back to that fateful date in the middle of September, he would only remember it with a swoop of the stomach and increase in heart rate.

Blaine was lying on top of him, running his finger along the side of Kurt’s jaw and before either of them knew it they were kissing more passionately than either of them thought possible. Blaine tentatively licked his way into Kurt’s mouth, sucking his bottom lip between his own, nibbling lightly before letting his tongue tangle with Kurt’s. At first, Kurt was unaware of anything else going on south of his neck because really, Blaine’s mouth and tongue were enough to distract him. Eventually however, he began to feel other little sign of arousal lighting up his body. Things become ten times warmer of a sudden; heat creeping north and blood rushing south as Blaine attached his lips to Kurt’s neck. It took him by surprise at first, the way Blaine had almost taken control the moment Kurt had fallen back down onto the grass. They had rolled away from the picnic mat, leaving their food open to any creature in need of a meal, but luckily the hot moans and desperate whimpers caressing the air around them seemed to be keeping them at bay.

Kurt arched his back into Blaine’s body, extending his neck to allow Blaine better access. “Fuck Blaine” he almost growled, closing his eyes. He felt the other boy pull away and raised his head in annoyance

“That’s the first time you’ve cursed in front of me” he stated, seeming much happier about this than he had any right to be seeing as he was leaving Kurt’s now damp neck open to the cool air.

“I’ve cursed in front of you before” he deadpanned, brow furrowing

“Not like that”

“Like what?”

“Like” Blaine started, moving his lips to suck over his pulse point before moving up to his ear, blowing cool air over the soft tendrils of baby hair of hair and whispering “fuck” Kurt moaned at the emphasis on the last letter and wasted no time in pulling Blaine’s lips back to his own with a searing kiss. Blaine moved his legs a little shifting his weight until his thigh brushed up against the growing bulge in his trousers. He gasped into Blaine’s mouth, sounding almost pained. He blinked a little in embarrassment, realising how awkward this was going to be in Blaine wasn’t feeling the same. He didn’t want to push it, especially not on a first date. His first date. What was the protocol for this thing anyway? It wasn’t like he had much experience. He smiled a little at Blaine.

“Sorry” he murmured quietly, blushing a little

“For what?” Blaine asked, confused. Kurt cleared his throat

“For erm…for that” he nodded down their bodies until the other boy’s eyes widened in understanding.

“Oh, well…no it’s fine. I Wasn’t…” he trailed off awkwardly “do you want me to…?” he made as if to roll off but Kurt shook his head slightly

“Do you?” he questioned. Blaine shook his head in reply

“Okay”

“Okay” they both laughed with embarrassment. “So do we just-” his words were cut off by Blaine’s lips on his and then gently, as if he was scared of hurting him, Blaine rolled his hips down into Kurt’s. He gasped again; clawing a little at Blaine’s back and hesitantly tugging the hem out of his Capri pants. Blaine hummed a little in appreciation as he felt Kurt’s hands creeping across the soft skin of his back, settling into position just above his hips. He squeezed gently, guiding Blaine as he continued to rock his pelvis into Kurt’s. His moans were breathy and sweet, growing in volume and substance as Kurt started to roll his hips back, a bit sporadic in rhythm but enough to give them both the friction they needed. His mind was a whir, thoughts one big mess of Blaine. His warmth, his tongue, his hands deep in his perfectly coiffed hair. At any other time he would have complained but feeling the heat coiling deep in his stomach, all he could do was press harder into Blaine’s skin, whispering that he was close into his curls. Blaine nodded into Kurt’s neck, speeding up until they were both clinging onto each other, falling deeply into a hormone driven bliss. They both stiffened simultaneously, breathless at the pleasure coursing through their bodies. It was a moment before Blaine gulped in a lungful of air and collapsed onto Kurt, leaving a trail of lazy kisses along his jaw line and one final one on his lips, slow and sweet and full of ecstasy. They smiled against each other, Kurt tucking Blaine’s shirt back into his pants before allowing him to roll off.

They lay there for a few moments not speaking, not even knowing what to say. It was a first for both of them and neither had the words to describe the emotion.

“That was-“

“You were-“

“Magical” Kurt finished, turning his head to meet Blaine’s eyes.

“I told you. Twilight” Kurt burst out laughing, turning slightly into Blaine’s body as he shook with mirth. Blaine chuckled a little and then sighed.

“I never expected this” Kurt looked up and frowned a little, all amusement gone from his features at Blaine’s morose tone

“What do you mean?” he asked, pushing himself up onto an elbow so he was looking down into Blaine’s face. The boy reached up and brushed the stray hair off his forehead.

“All of this. You. I mean, I never expect anything like what just happened…to happen...” he reddened a little, smiling “but more than that I never though I would find a friend like you. Someone I could literally tell anything to” he laughed “kinda weird seeing as I’ve only know you for three weeks” Kurt smiled a little in return, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Something in his heart seemed to have twanged, letting his stomach flood with guilt.

“Yeah well, I guess that’s life isn’t it” his euphoric mood was gone the moment it appeared, Blaine’s word putting his mind into turmoil. He took a breath and sat up; turning to make sure all of their rubbish was packed up and not likely to be blown off into the wood by the breeze picking up around them. “We should probably go before it gets too cold” he said, not turning to meet Blaine’s eyes. He couldn’t, not when they were so full of warmth and acceptance. An acceptant Kurt knew he had no right to.

“Kurt?” Blaine asked tentatively “you okay?” Kurt turned, trying a smile but not meeting his eyes.

“Fine” he rotated back to their little area and set about rolling up the mat they had been sat on.  He could hear Blaine shuffling around behind him and stiffened as he felt his hand at his waist. It was pulled back instantly

“Kurt” he said a little sterner. He swallowed hard and turned, rearranging his features into something akin to expectancy. Blaine’s eyes were narrowed “if it’s something I did…or said…” Kurt shook his head

“No Blaine, it’s not you” he lied. He didn’t look convinced so Kurt moved forward and wrapped his arms around the boy’s neck, pressing quick kiss to the spot behind his ear “I’m fine. Honestly. Come on” he pulled back, pulling Blaine up with him as he stood, shouldering their bag.

They didn’t speak as they walked swiftly back to the car, hands clasped. Kurt tried his best to seem jovial and content, but he couldn’t stop the discomfort in his stomach bubbling away.  They drove back in silence, apart from the few times Kurt hummed in agreement to whatever Blaine had said. He knew he should be trying harder, but honestly it was as if a dark blanket of fog had drowned him, taking all warmth and happiness from his body. He knew the feeling well and dreaded the night he had ahead. They pulled up to his house, Blaine hurrying round to open the door for him. He smiled back as widely as he could, letting Blaine walk him to the door, pausing at the top of the steps.

“Thank you for today” he said sincerely, taking Blaine’s hand “it was amazing.” Blaine still didn’t seem convinced and he looked down at their clasped hands before meeting Kurt’s eyes

“You…are you sure you’re okay? Because if it’s something I did I’m really sorry but I want you to tell me so I can-“ Kurt cut him off with a finger to his lips, sighing in resignation. He wasn’t about to tell him what was up, but he figured he deserved to know things weren’t quite right. The last thing he wanted to do was make Blaine feel inadequate enough to fall back into old habits.

“It’s not you, so don’t worry. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s just…stuff. So don’t get yourself down about it okay?” he stepped forward and wrapped Blaine in a tight hug. “I’ll deal with it” he said as he pulled back, smiling genuinely this time “today really has been amazing.”

“It has” Blaine responded but his smile faltered a little again “Kurt, will you promise to tell me if anything’s up? Like anything that I can help with. You’ve helped me a lot and I want to be able to help you just as much”

“I promise” he said after only a moment of hesitation “you are my boyfriend after all” Blaine’s eyes widened at that and Kurt’s jaw slackened in panic “I…only if you know, you…you want to be I mean we don’t-“

This time it was Kurt who was silenced by Blaine’s searing kiss. He gasped a little as Blaine pulled away, pressing their foreheads together

“Do mean that?” he asked weakly. Kurt rolled his eyes, heart settling back into a normal rhythm in relief.

“Of course silly” Blaine stepped back and grinned widely, so brightly Kurt was surprised he wasn’t blinded. He laughed in reply as Blaine leant forward and peppered his face in kisses again. Kurt slapped him off and rolled his eyes

“Remember where this led us last time Anderson. I don’t know about you but I’m not an exhibitionist and I’m sure Mrs Cole next door wouldn’t appreciate it” Blaine sighed as he retreated, taking Kurt’s hand and kissing it one final time before stepped down off the stairs and walking backwards towards his car.

“Watch out!” Kurt called as he almost backed into a cyclist. He tripped a little on his feet as he stumbled out of the way. Kurt laughed “you’re hopeless” Blaine bit his lips and dropped his head and he reached behind him; just managing to get the door open. Kurt blew him one last kiss.

“I’ll see my beautiful boyfriend on Monday?” Blaine called. Kurt grinned, heart swooping a little at the word. He nodded and Blaine dropped down into the car, waving as he pulled out.

Kurt stood out for a moment, shaking his head in disbelief, glad that the heavy feeling in his stomach had disappeared for the moment. It was sure as hell going to make a return Kurt knew, but memories of Blaine’s lips on his and the goofy grin he had shot through the window would be enough to sustain him through the evening and into the next day. He hoped.

He let himself in, hanging up his jacket and toeing off his shoes before falling down onto the couch and flicking on the TV. He let his mind wander but was brought back to reality by his stomach growling angrily. He frowned for a minute before curling his legs up on the couch and hugging a pillow to his chest, determined to ignore it. It took him little under half an hour before the discomfort in his stomach began to fade into the background and Kurt focused his attention back on the ANTM re run he was watching. Just another Saturday afternoon.

“Cach cach cach cach cach” the smoking failure of a cake setting off the smoke alarm and alerting the entire house of his failure clattered into the sink as Elwy rushed to get the tap running and put out the inevitable mess that was his first attempt at cake making. His host parents came rushing in but glared and rolled heir eyes as Elwy explained the situation

“That’s the last time you cook” Lou informed him, wrapping an arm around his wife’s waist and pulling her from the room, leaving Elwy to bask in his disappointment

“Cach” he murmured one more time as he tipped the burnt and soggy remains into the bin.

“Told you you wouldn’t get it right” came a thick Scottish accent from the direction of the door. Elwy turned on the spot, death glare in place

“Come to gloat Brandon?” he asked venomously

“Well I wasn’t but if you insist. You’re a tosspot. An imbecile. How do mess a fucking cake up man” Elwy rolled his eyes as he watch his fellow competition winner fall onto a chair, rolling a pen between his hands. Brandon was callous and mean and Elwy took much pleasure in despising the boy. He wasn’t actually slotted to come along, but the original winner had been done for plagiarism so the second placer took the prize. “Honestly I am shocked at your apparent lack of skill in any area of life”

“I’m here aren’t I? At least I earned my place, you just struck lucky. Now get out” he watched Brandon slink out of the room, rolling his shoulders. Elwy grimaced in disgust. He wasn’t one not to be genial towards new people but there as just something about the boy that pushed all of his buttons. He set about washing up, the bad mood that had been brewing all day rising to the surface as he scrubbed forcefully at the now blackened cake tin. Lou was going to kill him. He placed the rest of the clean utensils on the draining wrack as he finished up, wiping his hands, halfway to calling Kurt when his phone lit up in his hand. He grinned at the name on the screen and answered instantly, moving towards the back door.

“Lily” he spoke into the receiver, jogging across the patio and sinking down into a lawn chair.

“Hey you. You okay?” came the reply. Elwy would usually have relaxed instantly at his girlfriend voice but the tension he could sense through that one sentence put him right on edge.

“Fine. How are you calling me right now? I thought your dad was being awkward?”

“he was but I talked to mam about it and she agreed to let me call you plus there’s…something…” the line suddenly fell silent and Elwy raised himself back up to ninety degrees, the smile falling from his face as soon as it had come. 

“Lils what is it”

“I just…kay Elwy I have to tell you something but I need you to not freak out too much okay? I only found out a couple of days ago and it’s taking me a while to get my head around it. So just, stay chill alright?” Elwy began to panic, bringing both legs round so he was sat as close to the edge of the chair as he could possibly be.

“Lil you’re scaring me baban what’s going on” silence followed and Elwy would always look at that moment as one of seer solicitude, when it had no right to be. When he went tumbling over the edge after the following words, he couldn’t remember if he’d been pushed or if he’d let himself fall.

“I have cancer”

Three words and Elwy felt his world tumbling down around him. He couldn’t move; eyes and mouth wide open.  He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even think. His mind dissolved into frantic worry, regret, and over everything else a heavy sense of guilt. He was here living his living his dream, she was there…

“I love you” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and really they came out more as a sob than a sentence.

“Elwy…”

“I do, I love you, and I think I’ve always loved you, since the day we first met”

Only silence. Elwy’s heart sank. Until he heard a stutter on the other end of the line and the Lily’s breathless voice was whispering back

“I love you too” his resolve broke and he clapped a hand to his mouth, not being able to do anything about the tears streaming down his face but keeping the audible emotion inside his chest and not across the yard. He gripped the phone tightly, as if somehow that would make Lily feel the arms he yearned to wrap around her.

“Well what are they going to do I mean there must be something right?” he sputtered, gaining control of his voice.

“Elwy…” she started after a few beats of silence. He felt his heart stop in his chest.

“No Lily don’t say it…”

“Elwy listen I-“

“No you fucking listen Lily” he said sternly, standing up and pacing his way around the lawn “you are going to be fine, you hear me? Fine! You’re going to be fine-“

“They said they can’t-”

“WELL THEY FUCKING LIED” he yelled down the phone, brandishing his arm around in a desperate attempt to get across to her how deadly serious he was.

“I saw the results Elwy, you need to listen to me” she sounded angry now but Elwy didn’t care. She didn’t understand “we need to talk about this”

“I’m not talking about anything when you insist you’re…that you…” he cut himself off, running a hand forcefully through his hair.

“It’s hard I know but-“

“But nothing. I’m not talking about this now”

“But Elwy-”

“I’m going, and when I speak to you again you’re going to tell me every possible way to fight this okay?”

“It’s not that simple-“

“Well then make it simple.” He heard her sigh “I love you okay, but you need to stop thinking like that. I’ll speak to you in a couple of hours okay?”

“Yeah, right, okay”

“No Lily don’t…” he kicked his foot out in frustration

“No Elwy, I have to go, I’ll speak to you later”

“Okay” he said in a small voice, coming down from his panic into fully fledged depression. “Later”

“Mhmm”

The line went dead.

He stepped slowly back into the house, the world around him a blur, his cheeks itching with dried tears. If he had thought of all the ways for this day to go, this wasn’t one of the possibilities. Suddenly the burnt cake seemed like a distant memory. He trudged through to the entry way, stopping only when Brandon slid down from the stairs.

“Hey tosser”

“Brandon, get out of my way” he growled

“Oh what’s up? Did your ginge of a girlfriend dump you?”

BAM

Brandon went wheeling backwards, falling heavily against the banister, clutching his nose. Elwy forced himself to move, out of the front door and into the street. Brandon didn’t follow him.

He almost staggered his way down the road, wiping tears from his face as they fell and choking back sobs as they came stuttering through his throat. He reached Kurt’s house and banged heavily on the door, only collapsing when Kurt opened it with a look of horror as he was suddenly burdened with a broken and sobbing Elwy. He felt himself being pulled inside and up the stairs before Kurt planted him firmly on the end of the bed and rushed off to get tissues. Elwy wiped his face again, feeling the tears subsiding in his chest. Now all he felt was a vague sort of ache somewhere deep in his chest. Kurt returned wielding a wad of tissues which he shoved into his hand and fell down next to him.

“She’s got cancer.” He laughed humourlessly, the noise sounding empty and forlorn. “Funny too, because I told her I loved her and yet somehow” he waved a hand in front of him “she thinks that she’ll…she’ll” he felt the emotion building in his chest again and the next thing he knew he was curled inside Kurt’s arms on the floor of his room, crying like the world was ending.

And to him, it sure felt like it.

“I can’t do this again Kurt, not after Dylan, not after that, I c-can’t”

“shhh I know, trust me I know. Remember how I know El” he stiffened in Kurt’s arms, pulling himself up in guilt

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think, wow I’m such a dick” he pushed a hand through his fringe again, wiping his nose on his sleeve

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m the best person to come to but listen to me” he shifted a bit so he was facing Elwy fully, hands resting on his shoulders “remember Dyl? Remember how we got through that? We both did, and remember how I was there then? Well I’m going to be there now okay? Sometimes you are such an idiot” Elwy chuckled lightly, tightness pulling heavily across his chest and stomach. He felt sick and light headed and just wanted to fall into bed and never rise again. “You want to call her back?” he prompted gently, running his hand across his back. He thought for a moment, taking deep breaths, and then nodded.

“Yeah, I was a bit of a douche I should probably apologise. I’ll be back in a sec.”

“No” Kurt shook his head and stood “stay in here, I’ll go get some drinks and stuff okay? Good luck” he got one more pat on the arm and then Kurt was outside the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Elwy took a moment, calming his breath and taking out his phone with shaking hands. His parents were going to kill him for the bill but that was the last thing on his mind as he flicked through his contacts, finger hovering over her name before he hit it and held the device to his ear. It rang more times that he could count with his mind buzzing as it was, and the she was saying hello and Elwy was speechless. He felt the pressure building in his chest but he did his best to push it down.

“Lily, hi, I wanted to apologise”

“yeah you better”

“look, Lily I’m sorry okay? I just…freaked out…”

“you can say that again.”

“It’s just, with Dyl and everything that happened with Kurt and now you and, it’s just hard. Just hard” he trailed off, rubbing a weary hand across his face and waiting, nerve wracked, for a reply. He heard her sigh on the other end of the line.

“I know, I know I’m sorry I should have warned you a bit, and this probably would have been done better over Skype but I don’t think I c-could…could deal w-with you…” she fell into sudden tears, words breaking off into sobs as she broke down on the other end of the line. Elwy swallowed hard, letting his head fall back against Kurt’s mattress. The temptation to give in, to just let go was so potent that his head was halfway to his knees when a small voice in the back of his mind yelled at him to snap out of it. He needed to be there for Lily, just like he had been for his parents after his brother died. He needed to e the strong one, like he had been for Dylan, like he had been for Kurt. He needed to stuck this out. He cleared his throat.

“Lily, listen to me, I’ve done this before and I know how things go and we’re going to see that as a good thing okay? I’m going to be here whenever, if you need to call me or text me or Skype me, any time of the day or night I’ll be here right? I don’t care how much it costs as long as you know I’ll be here”

“I l-love you so m-much, El”

“I love you too” he whispered, feeling his resolve crumbling again at the desperation in her voice

“Just please d-don’t go anywhere, o-okay” he sniffed, almost smiling

“I’m not going anywhere baban okay? You can be sure of that” she chuckled lightly at the other end of the line and the sound made his heart ache for his homeland, for the green moors and winding rivers, for the stench of steaming cow shit every few weeks. These were all elements he associated with Lily, along with her apple scented shampoo and coconut flavoured lip balm. He never thought he’d wish to see a sheep so much as he did in that moment, or to hear a domestic going down outside the house or the clatter of smashing china as another colleague dropped another cup on another lazy Saturday afternoon in Jacob’s ladder. His mouth ran dry and his stomach twisted at memories of times spent messing around with friends in the park or terrifying his driving instructor around dizzy bends behind his home city. He longed for nippy evenings spent tackling his rugby team mates into frost hardened ground in the middle of February and curling up with Lily later that night, letting her soothe away at another sport related injury. Lily. All he wanted was Lily.

“I miss you so much” his voice strained

“I miss you too. More than you can imagine”

“I want to be there with you right now”

“I know but…we’ll talk about it another time okay? I have to go” the sharpness in her tone made him figure a parent had just walked in so he nodded to himself

“Okay. Dim problem. When can I see you again? Or at least call?”

“Erm…am dydd llun?”

“Iawn” he sighed “love you cariad”

“I…I love you El, I’ll speak to you on Monday. Bye”

“Hwyl” he said but the line was already dead. Surprisingly his eyes were still dry and his throat was still clear, although the ache in his chest hadn’t diminished. He heard a knock on the door and looked up to see Kurt entering with a tray covered in tea and the Bara Brith they had baked together. “Did you hear any of that?” he asked, tucking his phone away and taking the offered mug. Kurt shook his head, sinking down next to him.

“I was just talking to Finn. How is she?”

“Good. Not good. I don’t know. She didn’t really say much more than she already had” he shrugged, warming his hands to burning point as he clutched his tea tightly.

“More to the point, are you okay?” Elwy considered for a moment, chewing his lip.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay. For now.” And it wasn’t a lie. No doubt it would hit him later, when he curled up in bed, darkness seeping into his bones like venom. But for now he was…coping.

“You’ll let me know if you’re not though right.” Kurt said softly, voice dripping with concern. Elwy smiled with one side of his mouth and nodded.

“Of course Cariad” Kurt rolled his eyes, evidently glad Elwy was a little closer to his usual self. He held out his mug

“To fighting spirit?” he said. Elwy jerked his head to the side and raised his own to clink with Kurt’s

“Ydw” they both drank deeply.

Elwy let the warm liquid numb the pain in his heart and limbs, easing away the tension in his shoulders and calming the roils in his stomach.

Really, tea was the cure for all ills.

Elwy left late that evening, refusing to stay for dinner or “intrude” as he called it, and disappeared into the dusk, head bowed and arms deep into his parka pockets. Kurt sighed as he watched the boy wander slowly down the street, closing the door softly after realising there was nothing more he could do tonight. No doubt Elwy wasn’t going to get much sleep, just as Kurt most likely wasn’t going to either. The memory’s still burned raw in his mind; emotions re surfacing that hadn’t for a while.

He stepped quietly into the kitchen, falling down into a chair and muting a yawn.

“Do you want to tell me what’s up?” he Dad’s voice drifted through from the lounge as he entered

“Not really” Kurt rubbed hand across his face “you remember Lily?” Burt chuckled lightly

“The girl he’s had a crush on since he was thirteen?”

“Fourteen” Kurt correctly softly “she got cancer.”

Kurt felt the air stiffen suddenly, as if something in the air had solidified. His father swallowed hard and took a seat opposite his son

“Do they know if…” Kurt nodded.

“It’s not good. Elwy said he was going to call her and get all the details but it looks like It’s going to be a rough ride with a bad ending”

“You Kurt” his father started, looking concerned “I’m sure Elwy would understand if you wanted to just, distance yourself from it a little. He knows how difficult this is for you”

“Yeah Dad and so does he. Remember Dylan; remember why we are so close Dad. We’ve both been through this before. I was there for him when Dyl died, I’m going to be there when…” he trailed off, not wanting to make anything concrete by saying it out loud. A lot could change in the next few weeks and he didn’t want to give up that easily “Lily is my friend too. I’m just as devastated as he is” for some reason he felt anger building in him, his voice sharper and higher pitched. Why didn’t his dad get it? Did he think him so fragile? After all the shit Kurt had endure, from Karofsky and the on off bullying his had suffered through most of his life, losing his mother, losing Elwy; even if he had returned. Kurt was no stranger to heartbreak or abandonment and the fact that his father seemed to still insist on stepping lightly around any subject that included any of these topic burned like a fire in his stomach. He pushed himself up from the seat.

“Dinner will be up soon bud, don’t get too busy”

“I don’t feel much like eating” he snapped, wrapping his arms around his body and jogging up the stairs. He wanted nothing more than to lock himself away, stick on the soundtrack to Les Mis and cry.

Which was exactly what he did.

He woke up, mouth dry and stomach rumbling at some time just before midnight. His skin was tight and itching from the dried tears on his cheeks and he felt stiff and uncomfortable lying atop his comforter still dressed in his weekend attire. The ipod dock on his dresser was still glowing a faint blue light but the music had long ended, sinking away with the final notes of no-one mourns the wicked. Kurt pushed himself up, gripping his stomach as nausea and dizziness surged through him. He clamped his mouth shut, breathing heavily through his nose before feeling strong enough to push himself to his feet. His knees shook and his feet felt almost numb as he treaded heavily towards the door and out into the dark hallway. He gripped the banister tightly as he stepped downstairs, trying his hardest not to make too much noise. It surprised him that his father hadn’t come and woken him but Burt knew him well enough to know that leaving him alone was probably for the best. There had been many angry tears in the past when Kurt didn’t get his alone time.

The light was still on in the kitchen but the room sat empty and cold. Kurt stepped towards the fridge and grabbed the milk. In well rehearsed movements, he filled a glass, punched in the time on the microwave and fell down onto a bar stool. A couple of minutes later the appliance pinged angrily at him and he collected the glass, taking into the lounge before taking a sip.

The first few mouthfuls were a battle, his mind forcing him to drink and his stomach refusing to le up rolling and almost pushing the liquid back up Kurt’s throat. He got through half the glass and had to take a few deep breaths. A few minutes later he had only a quarter of the glass left and he felt the chill and tension flowing out of his body in waves. The shake in his limbs became less pronounced and he could finally take a mouthful without the fear and throwing it all back up again. He finished the glass triumphantly and placed it down gently on the coffee table.

Without much more thought he made his way back upstairs and began to undress, slowly fiddling with various zips and buttons and slipping into a pair of soft blue cotton pyjamas and climbing into bed. The room was cooler than usual, the sheets taking longer to warm up and Kurt curled in on himself and tried to make his mind go blank.

Except it wouldn’t.

He felt wide awake, odd considering warm milk normally sent him straight off. His stomach was reasonably content and his limbs felt heavy with weariness but whatever he tried – counting sheep, humming to himself – he just couldn’t shut the thoughts off. It wasn’t even anything particularly terrible, just this French test and Blaine and…

He sat up suddenly. There was someone he could call. Then he hesitated. It was half past bloody midnight for crying out loud, he didn’t want to piss the boy off by waking him up in the middle of the night. He lay back down and tried to relax, moving his focus to one limb at a time until he was firmly softened against the mattress. Ten minutes later his foot began to twitch and he sat up again. It was no use; he’d have to call someone.

He picked his phone up off the nightstand, flicking on the lamp as he did so and scrolled slowly through his contacts. He wasn’t going to call Elwy; he most definitely didn’t want to bother him now. Rachel would be no use, and Mercedes would sigh in sympathy and call him boo but that’s not what he needed right now. What he needed was some clear insight onto the situation, or at least an intelligent distraction. His finger hovered over Blaine’s name, his mind in two. On one hand Blaine would be the perfect person to talk right now; Kurt could torrent and not worry about being judged. At the same time he didn’t want to piss his boyfriend off.

Boyfriend

He hit the call button instantly as the word flashed a cross his vision, sighing with relief at the slight shuffle and alert voice that answered after only four rings.

“Kurt? What are still doing up?” he sounded chirpy, and most definitely awake. Kurt frowned

“I could ask you the same question”

“I had…a project due this week. I got so caught up in yesterday that you know…I didn’t feel much like doing it” Kurt blushed a little, unable to hold back the smile spreading across his face. He had been right in calling Blaine.

“I know what you mean. Yesterday was…lovely. Or I guess I should say the day before yesterday” he glanced at the clock.

“Yeah, back to that, why are you up so late?”

“I erm…Elwy had some news.” He bit his lip, smile fading from his face as the memory of Elwy curled, and sobbing in his arms came floating so vividly to the front of his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for Blaine’s reply.

“Oh, what was it?” he sound curious, and more than a little bit confused

“You know I talked about Lily? They started dating just before he came out here but he’s been crushing on here since before he came over the first time. I’m pretty sure felt the same way but you know skinny love” he shrugged.

“Oh I know” Blaine laughed a little

“Well he found out today – yesterday – that she...she has C-cancer” he stumbled over the last word, the mental block he’d developed since his mother’s death appearing to trip him up. There was only silence for a moment, and then Blaine voice came through, so sincere and worried that Kurt almost smiled.

“How serious?”

“Pretty. It’s not looking too good. We don’t know how much time she has left yet”

“So it is a case of...”

“Yeah” he heard Blaine sigh on the other end of the line

“I’m so sorry Kurt” he said, voice sounding strained “I wish I could be there right now. Actually…I could be over right now let me just-“

“Blaine” he cut across him before the boy got any ideas. “As much as I’d love you here I think I just…I just need some time alone right now okay?”

“o-okay” he sounded dejected. Kurt sighed and rubbed his eye, pressing down a yawn. He suddenly felt ready to drop off. The simple act of telling someone what was on his mind had taken all the energy from his body. Or maybe it was just telling Blaine.

“It’s nothing to do with you Blaine, I promise. It’s just what I do, something I’ve always done.”

“I guess I have to learn my boyfriends little things so I don’t feel like a completely idiot every time I try and make him feel better because really time like this I’ll say stuff and I just-”

“Blaine.” He deadpanned, warmth spreading through him in tendrils. “Blaine. Shut up. We’ve got all the time in the world for that kind of stuff.” Blaine stopped his rambling and laughed a little awkwardly. The hairs on Kurt’s neck were suddenly standing on end, the smile of his face looking like it would be glued there forever more.

“Are you…gonna be okay for the rest of the night? I can come over if you really need…”

“No Blaine really but actually” he raised an eyebrow at a sudden idea, blushing at the thought of asking. All of a sudden he felt like a shy pre-teen “could you maybe just…stay on the line until I fall asleep? If you can’t then its fine I just thought you know…its comforting” he spoke in a small voice. A second later he thought his heart would explode at the sheer adoration laced in Blaine’s tone as he replied.

“Of course, anything you need. Just lie down okay?” Kurt flicked off the light and climbed back into bed, sighing as he felt sleep tugging at his eyelids almost instantly

“Blaine I’…I’m go...” his voice trailed off into yawn as he settled deeper into the bed.

“shhh” Blaine soothed. And then he was singing, softly and almost wordlessly. An unknown lullaby that achieved nothing but lulling Kurt a little deeper into his half dozing dream state. He didn’t know when he dropped off but the song wove in and out of his dreams that night;

Homebird sing, Leave out nothing tell me everything