Chapter 7

KURT
March 1st
It's a gorgeous day. Cold, but sunny and bright. There's still snow on the ground and kids are outside all over the park, building snowmen, having snowball wars, sledding, skating.
I smile and take my seat on a bench near the Reservoir, take a sip of my coffee.
Rachel sits down next to me and rests her head on my shoulder.
I told her today that she was right, that I have feelings for Blaine. She was smug at first, all "I knew it," and then sympathetic when she saw how much it was hurting me.
"You okay?" She asks.
I nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."
"Liar."
"A little bit."
She grins at me and plants a kiss on my cheek. "Wanna go ice skating? I promise you can laugh at me when I fall."
I laugh at her. "No, it's okay, Rach. You don't have to injure yourself for my enjoyment."
"Are you sure? Cause I could totally face-plant right now if it would make you feel better."
"No, Rachel. It's okay. I'm okay. Really."
Rachel nods, softens her eyes a bit. "I just worry about you, Kurt. You were so devastated when Ben left-even though he treated you like shit-and you've been so lonely all these years. And then you adopted that cat-"
"The Professor is not just a cat, Rachel," I say, pretending to be offended.
Rachel rolls her eyes. "You know what I mean. I don't want you to turn into a spinster. I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone. Someone who worships you instead of pointing out everything that’s wrong with you."
"I will, in time."
"I guess I know that. But...maybe Blaine could be good for you."
I shake my head sadly. "Even if he was...I couldn't. He's a patient. He needs my help, not my..."
"Your sweet lovin'?"
I spit my coffee on the ground and then turn to see Rachel laughing. "That was not funny, Rachel."
She nods, doubles over, holding her sides. "Yes, it was!" She squeals between peals of laughter.
I can't help but laugh with her, and it feels good.
"...Yeah, I think there's a cover on for Meg today, but she's good. You'll like her."
I freeze. That voice. Behind us. I would know it anywhere.
Rachel keeps laughing. I keep my head down. Please don't see me. Please don't see me.
I smack Rachel on the arm. She looks up at me, still giggling. "What?"
"Keep your head down."
"Why?" Rachel says, still a smile in her voice.
"Head. Down."
"Kurt, why-"
"Shh!"
But it's too late.
"Kurt?"
I growl at Rachel, turn around, a smile plastered on my face. "Blaine! Hi!"
I hear Rachel's gasp behind me and elbow her.
I stand up, walk slowly over to where Blaine is standing, and I can hear Rachel's boots clicking behind me.
There's a girl next to him, maybe thirteen. She has the same brown eyes framed by thick, dark lashes as Blaine, the same dark curls. This must be his sister.
"It's nice to-to uhm...to see you, Blaine. What are you doing in the city?"
He grins at me and oh god I can't breathe. "I'm just taking my little sister to a show tonight. Phantom. Oh, this is Lizzie, my sister."
The girl holds out a hand and I shake it. "It's nice to meet you, Lizzie. I've heard a lot about you."
She grins, the same smile as Blaine. "Only good things, I hope."
Blaine laughs and musses her curls. "I tell him all about what a terror you are."
Lizzie reaches up and playfully tries to slap her brother, but he dodges it and instead grabs her hand and pushes it back down so it's at her side.
I smile at them for a moment. It's clear Blaine adores his sister.
He would have been a good father.
"I'm Rachel Berry," Rachel says, stepping forward with a hand outstretched, shaking me from my thoughts. She shakes Blaine and Lizzie's hands and then steps back, next to me again. "I'm a friend of Kurt's."
Blaine smiles at her. "It's nice to meet you."
"You, too."
No one talks for a few moments.
"Hey, wanna get me some hot chocolate?" Lizzie asks, looking up at Blaine.
"Because I'm not already paying for you to see a Broadway show and taking you out to dinner."
"Please?" Lizzie says, fake-begging.
Blaine dramatically rolls his eyes and pulls his wallet out of his pocket. "Yeah, yeah. Wait right here. I'll be back."
"Oh, wait a second!" Rachel says, tipping her Styrofoam cup back and drinking up the last sips of her coffee.
"I'll go with you," she says, skipping up to Blaine. Before I can pull her back, Blaine says "okay," and they walk off together and leave me with Lizzie.
"Wanna sit?" I offer, gesturing to the bench. She nods and follows me over, we take seats on opposite sides.
"So...your brother really loves you. I can tell." I say, trying to make conversation with her.
"I really love my brother." She replies.
It's quiet for a moment.
"Kurt?"
I turn my head to look at Lizzie, whose voice is filled with concern.
"Hm?"
"My...my brother tried to kill himself a few weeks ago."
"I...I know that. That's why he's seeing me."
Lizzie nods. "Just...make sure he doesn't try it again. Please. I can't lose him."
My heart pulls as her voice breaks. There's something so honest about this girl, something that makes me want to wrap her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be okay. She adores her brother, idolizes him. And I can see why.
"I promise I will do everything in my power to help your brother, Lizzie. I...I care about him. A lot."
She smiles at this, nods. "Thank you, Kurt."
I smile warmly at her. "You're welcome, Lizzie."
We grin at each other like that for a few seconds before we hear the sound of Rachel and Blaine's voices drifting back to us.
Lizzie leans in and motions for me to lean in too. "Kurt, I have to tell you this before my brother gets back here," she whispers.
Worried, worried that something is wrong, that Blaine isn't progressing like I thought he was, I lean in.
"I think Blaine has a crush on you. But don't say anything."
"Ready to go Lizard?"
We both turn around to see Blaine standing there with two Styrofoam cups of hot chocolate, Rachel standing next to him.
Lizzie stands up, shoots me a meaningful look, and then takes her hot chocolate from her brother, links her arm with him.
"Yep."
"It was nice meeting you, Blaine. You too, Lizzie." Rachel says with a grin.
"It was," Blaine agrees. "I'll see you Monday, Kurt."
I nod, still reeling from what Lizzie told me. "Yeah. Monday."
They leave, waving goodbye, and I'm left sitting there with Rachel, blushing.
"So what did you and Lizzie talk about?"
I turn to Rachel. "Uhm...nothing."
--
BLAINE
My arm linked with my sister, I head out of the park and lead Lizzie to the subway station so we can head downtown for our dinner reservations.
"Hey Blaine?" Lizzie says as I hand her the MetroCard.
"Yeah?" I walk through the turnstile and join her on the other side, motion for her to get on the waiting train. There's one seat left and I let her have it and hold onto the pole.
"Can I tell you something Kurt said to me? And do you promise you won't get mad at me?"
I knit my brows together. "Sure. Yeah."
"O-okay. Uhm...so I was talking to Kurt and uhm...and I asked him to...to make sure you'd be okay-"
"I promised you I would be, Lizzie."
"-And he said...he cared about you."
I gulp. "Of...of course he does. He's my therapist."
Lizzie shakes her head. "No...just...just the way he said it...I don't know. It sounded like he cared about you in an...an un-therapist-y way."
I look down at my sister, heart pounding. "No...no, I don't think so Lizzie. Come on, this is our stop."
I offer my sister a hand and pull her up, then wrap an arm around her as we get off the train and walk out of the station.
But I'm still thinking about what she told me.
Kurt cares about me.
--
March 3rd
KURT
4:42 AM

I have to go to sleep. I have to be up in an hour.
But I've been up thinking about Blaine. All day. All night.
And I've been thinking about him in a...a very...inappropriate way. That's why I can't go to sleep.
Around three in the morning is when the uhm...the fantasies started.
First, in my head, we were just kissing.
And in my mind, kissing Blaine is perfect. His lips are soft and warm against mine, he knots his hands in my hair, swirls his tongue around mine.
And then, his hands starting roaming. My hips, the small of my back, under my shirt...
I tried so hard to stop it, to think about bills and cat litter but...nothing works. My mind drifts back to Blaine's hands all over me. Then it drifts to Blaine's hands on the buttons of my shirt, my jeans. It drifts to his lips on my neck, my collarbone, my chest...
I try even harder to stifle it, the growing bulge in the sweats I'm wearing in bed, but it's futile.
I'm fantasizing about Blaine Anderson, my patient, in a sexual way.
And it's really hot.
This is how I see it:
He kisses me, my lips, my cheeks, my jaw, my neck as he un-hooks the last button on my shirt and I shrug it off my shoulders. Then, we break apart for a few seconds so I can pull his sweater over his head. Jeans are unbuttoned, boxers slide off, we're laying on my bed, absolutely blissful.
I wince.
God damn it.
I stand up, swinging my legs over the bed, growling.
I head across my bedroom to the bathroom, walking just a little crooked.