“Oh God, I cannot believe that we’re going to do this.” Kurt buried his face into the steering wheel dramatically, heaving a sigh.

Blaine chuckled, resting a comforting hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Baby, you know we’ve both been wanting to come here for a while now.”

Kurt groaned, turning his face away from Blaine’s and further into the wheel. Of course, it wouldn’t be Kurt and Blaine without something going wrong. In this case, Kurt’s nose hitting the car horn.

BEEEEEEEEEEEP!

“I think that’s a bad omen,” Kurt mumbled as the raucous honk echoed throughout the parking lot of the sex shop, curiously yet somehow aptly titled “Gyrations and Sensations.”

“Now everyone knows we’re here, and what if we run into… I don’t know… my dad, or someone from school, or-”

“First of all, sweetheart,” Blaine said, sounding just the slightest bit patronizing yet fully comforting, “you’re the one who insisted that we take this 30 mile road trip through the fascinating state of Ohio so that no one we know will see us. And besides,” he added, pulling Kurt away from the steering wheel and into his arms. “This could be very fun. I mean, I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise or anything, but my parents are out of town tonight…”

Kurt smacked Blaine’s side but still remained in his arms to hide the blood rushing to his cheeks.

Blaine nuzzled his face against the top of Kurt’s head.

“Come on, sweetheart.”

Alright, Blaine had a point. And as nice as relaxing in his boyfriend’s arms was, Kurt was starting to get sore from bending and twisting across the car to reach him.

“Fine.”

Blaine smiled. Despite Kurt’s bashfulness about being here, he was looking forward to this much more than he had let on. And besides, if he grew used to it, maybe he could be the one to pick up the embarrassing strawberry-flavored lube he always forced Blaine to get.

“After you, my beautiful sexy baby penguin,” Blaine smiled, opening the door for Kurt with a flourish. He artfully dodged the punch Kurt had vaguely aimed in his direction before following his boyfriend inside.

Kurt refused to make eye contact with anyone in the store and immediately scurried into the nearest aisle as quickly as possible, tugging a laughing Blaine with him by the hand. He stopped in the middle of the aisle, looking about them nervously for a moment before relaxing.

“Okay. We’re in. We can do this.”

Blaine held back his laughter as he wrapped an affectionate arm around Kurt’s waist before browsing the shelves directly in front of them.

“Why, Kurt!” he said, feigning shock. “I had no idea that you were into vibrating panties! How come you never told me?”

Kurt’s eyes grew wide as he gazed at the shelf in horror.

Blaine just laughed and cuddled Kurt closer to him.

“I’m sorry, love. You know I was teasing you. Now come on, let’s go somewhere else. There’s not even many people here. Noone cares, really. It’s just you,” he tapped Kurt’s nose affectionately, “and me.” And Mr. Magee who lived across the street from Kurt, who had apparently had the same idea about going to a sex shop far away from their neighborhood. Blaine had spotted him on the way in. He was heading down their aisle And there was no way in hell that he was letting Kurt realize that the man was in their vicinity.

“Here, we’ll start simple.” Blaine kept his arm around Kurt’s waist, bringing him over to the next aisle. “Condoms. Oh look, there’s a pink one!” He brought it off the shelf for added effect and brought it in front of Kurt, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Kurt shot Blaine his best appalled look, then his lips quivered and he burst out laughing.

“And you were the one who called me princess last week when I wanted to-“

“Kurt!” Blaine blushed, clapping a hand over his boyfriend’s mouth. “Not here!”

Kurt smirked smugly and then, without making eye contact with Blaine, he pulled a box off of the shelf. It read: “Trojan: Fire and Ice: Warming and Tingling Sensations for Both Partners.”

Blaine raised his eyebrows. “Wouldn’t that… hurt?”

“I don’t know, I mean… I think they’re made for that, so they can’t hurt, right?”

“Right.”

The two looked slightly awkward before Blaine took the box from Kurt’s hands.

“So this is a yes?”

Kurt nodded.

“Okay.”

Blaine couldn’t help laughing at how awkward they both sounded and buried his face into Kurt’s neck to stifle the sound, laughing even more as Kurt let out a chuckle and ran a hand through his boyfriend’s curls.

“Okay, I guess that’s enough PDA for, uh… Lollipops,” Kurt smiled at his boyfriend, but Blaine was looking at something across the room, his eyes wide and pupils dilated.

“Blaine?”

“Hmmm?” He still looked distracted.

“What is it?”

“Oh, um… it’s nothing.”

“That didn’t look like nothing.”

“Well, it’s not nothing, but don’t worry about it. I don’t want to make you try things just because I want them. I mean, you look uncomfortable enough, and I want this to be about you. I want this to be perfect for you.”

Kurt smiled tenderly down towards his boyfriend. “Blaine, thank you, and I… I’ve told you a thousand times and a thousand different ways that I love you by now, but I just do, so much, and this isn’t perfect for me unless it’s perfect for you, too. And besides, this is about trying new things.”

“Okay.” Blaine still looked a little sheepish, but brought Kurt over to another aisle, picking up a pair of cat ears and placing them on Kurt’s head affectionately and kissing him sweetly on the lips.

“You look adorable.”

“You… you want me to wear these?”

“Well, actually, I was thinking just to start with…”

Kurt looked confused, but nodded, watching as Blaine gathered a few more items into his arms before showing them to Kurt, growing more and more confident as they went.

“What kind of outfit is that?” Kurt looked at his boyfriend with nothing but curiosity.

“it’s… well… a lion tamer’s outfit.”

“So you want me to wear it with the ears?”

“Well, not exactly. I kind of wanted to wear it, actually.” He blushed heavily, looking strangely uncomfortable for his usually confident demeanor.

“Oh.” Oh. Blaine in a lion tamer’s outfit, in those tight shorts and no shirt. That somehow seemed like a very good idea.

“We don’t have to do it, I mean, if you don’t want to.”

“No. I – I want to.” A lot, actually. That outfit looked delicious.

Blaine grinned.

Kurt froze. Had he said that out loud?”

“Perfect. Just a couple more things? I have some more ideas for this,” his eyebrows rose eagerly.

“Blaine Warbler, have you been planning this?” Kurt smirked, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s neck.

“Nope. I’ve just been blessed with the ability to think on my feet and the most beautiful, amazing boyfriend in the world.”

“That’s what they all say, I’m afraid,” Kurt sighed, casting him a suspicious glance before following him down another aisle.

“Wait, Blaine!” he hissed, grasping Blaine’s arm. “That’s Mr. Magee!”

He hid behind an obnoxious 6 foot tall blow up doll, pointing across the store.

Shit.

Blaine gently pushed Kurt’s head down so his own could peek over the doll with him. Sure enough, there was Mr. Magee, staring at the ground and raising his eyebrows at the pink condom that Blaine had dropped on the floor earlier.

Then he picked it up, reading the package and leaving Kurt and Blaine each biting their lips, desperate to hold back their laughter. Kurt’s face was turning red as he imagine how ridiculous they would look, their two faces peeking over the corner atop each other behind a massive blonde inflatable sex toy.

“Blaine, get off of me,” Kurt hissed, pushing against his boyfriend, who was bent over him to see around the corner.

Blaine was a sight to behold. He was doubled over, his face turning red, and Kurt elbowed him. “Seriously, Blaine, get off before he sees!”

“Ow, shit, Kurt!” Blaine moaned, grasping his groin.

“Oh my God, Blaine, did I hit you there? I’m so sorry!” Kurt spun around quickly to comfort his boyfriend.

There’s some things that you think only happen in the movies until they happen to you, and then it feels surreal, although everything’s happening in slow motion. And that was exactly what happened to Kurt at that moment.

As Kurt spun around, his foot caught on the blow up doll, he stumbled, grasping onto the shelf but failing to hold himself up as he toppled to the ground, landing atop the blowup doll, his hand on the toy’s chest in a position that could only be described as scandalous.

“Kurt? Kurt Hummel?”

Kurt groaned. His face was beet red. He cast a glance over his shoulder towards his boyfriend, who was thankfully out of the sight of Mr. Magee, but he couldn’t get a word out, caught between clutching himself in agony and rolling on the floor in laughter.

“Oh, uh… hi Mr. Magee,” Kurt managed, trying his best to look normal.

“Do your parents know you’re here, young man?”

“Why… yes. I’m here for a project, actually. Yeah, a school project.” Kurt pulled himself off from the floor and brushed himself off.

“For which class, may I ask?”

“Uh… psychology.”

“I see.”

Kurt glanced at the pink condom in Mr. Magee’s hands, and the older man’s eyes widened as he followed Kurt’s gaze. He suddenly realized that he, too, was in a sex shop.

“Wow… well, the projects that they’re giving you kids these days, huh?”

“Yeah,” Kurt laughed nervously. “It can get pretty ridiculous.”

“Well, it was… I guess, nice to see you, young man. I’m here for a bit of a psychology project myself.”

And boy, Kurt did not want to know what that meant. He bid the man a quick, slightly awkward farewell, making no promises to “say hello to your father for me!” and headed back around the corner, seeing that his boyfriend had finally gotten himself together. At least, as together as he could possibly be after having listened to that conversation. His curls were starting to come free from the gel, and his face was slightly red.

“Oh. My. G-“

“Blaine, if you know what’s best for you, you will never mention this again. Ever.”

“Understood, sir,” Blaine nodded slightly mockingly.

“Don’t make me come after you,” Kurt threatened, grabbing a light whip from Blaine’s hand and wielding it playfully.

Wait. Blaine had a whip?

“Uh… is this for something?”

“I was going to ask you about it, but I kind of thought it would go well with the whole lion tamer deal.”

Kurt leaned into Blaine’s side a bit subconsciously, imagining his boyfriend standing strong and powerful in the costume, holding a whip in his hand. Unf.

“Did.. I mean, did you want to hit me with it?”

“No, of course not!”

“Oh.”

“Wait, do you want me to?”

Kurt’s brows furrowed. He had never thought about this, but the idea of Blaine hitting him with the whip, not really enough to hurt much, but just lightly, sent a shiver down his spine, which Blaine was quick to pick up on.

“You do,” he said, surprised but certainly not judgmental.

“I mean, this is about experimenting, so we – we can try it. Not like, hard or anything. The whip isn’t too heavy, but I wouldn’t mind trying it.”

“Alright. We’ll just buy it and see. I don’t want to hurt you, though,” Blaine said, blushing slightly and nuzzling into his boyfriend.

“I know.”

“There’s just one more thing?”

“Sure, honey.”

Blaine grinned to himself. He loved it when Kurt called him pet names. He loved taking care of Kurt, but it was nice to be loved and cared for as well. And smiling, he led Kurt over to the other end of the store.

“So it’s… a tail?”

Blaine nodded eagerly. Okay. So it went with the whole cat thing.

“But how does it, you know, attach?”

Blaine turned the package over, looking at Kurt curiously.

It attached with a butt plug.

Kurt bit back a groan.

And oh gosh… Kurt liked it.

“Would you like that, baby?” Blaine asked softly into Kurt’s ear, tracing circles around his hip.

Kurt bit his lip, nodding feverishly.

“Do you want it inside you?”

Kurt groaned, leaning into Blaine.

“Shhh. You don’t want anyone to hear you, now do you?”

Kurt shook his head quickly, leaning further into his boyfriend, who took his hand and began to pull him towards the cash register.

Oh, it would be a long 30-mile ride back home.