June 5, 2012, 3:08 p.m.
Redefining Views: Panic attacks and memories
M - Words: 2,073 - Last Updated: Jun 05, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 60/60 - Created: Jun 05, 2012 - Updated: Jun 05, 2012 379 0 0 0 1
This news was a huge weight of Burt's shoulders, knowing soon that his son's kidnapper would soon be off the streets and he had hopes that maybe it could give Kurt some comfort and help him move past the ordeal. Kurt was still quiet and withdrawn within the family and still couldn't sleep without Blaine.
Blaine had to go back to school, much to Kurt's disappointment – he himself had still been unable to return because he was still getting exhausted easily because of the strain on his body – and he spent his days reading. If anyone entered a room too quickly he would flinch and clutch whatever he was holding in his good hand tightly.
Burt had found him one day trying to clean his room, stripping the sheet off his bed with one hand, a sheen of sweat across his forehead and muttering something about 'delusional freak in my room'. Burt had to stop him because he looked like he was about to collapse if he continued.
"What's going on, Kurt?" Burt asked in a gentle tone, careful not to upset his son.
"I just need this room to be...decontaminated," Kurt said, glaring at the bed.
"Why?" Burt questioned, utterly confused.
"Because he was in here," Kurt spat out with through gritted teeth. "It's why I don't come in here anymore. Who knows what he looked at or touched? All of my stuff; he's ruined it all. It's all dirty." Kurt shivered and wrapped an arm around himself and Burt recognised the signs that Kurt was slipping into a panic attack. "Oh my god, what if he touched my things!" Kurt shrieked, voice bordering on hysterical.
"Why don't I clean your room for you?" Burt suggested, gently leading Kurt out of the room, "and we'll get you some new sheets and everything."
"OK," Kurt choked out.
"Just deep breaths, Kurt," Burt coached. "Follow my breathing."
Kurt listened to his dad's breathing and managed to calm himself down, feeling exhausted. Burt led him to Blaine's room and helped him lay down. "I'll get you something to eat and drink," Burt said and left the room. Kurt curled up, ignoring the sharp pain his ribs – would it ever get better? – and rubbed his eyes, embarrassed that the simple act of cleaning his room had sent him off into a panic attack.
When Blaine got home, he greeted Burt and Carol happily, grabbing something to eat. Finn had Glee practice and wouldn't be back for a while.
"Kurt's in your room," Burt said, looking tired.
"Everything OK? You look exhausted," Blaine asked, looking concerned.
Carol smiled sympathetically at her new husband and kissed his cheek. "Kurt had a little panic attack about his room," Carol explained. "We've been cleaning it all day."
"Is he alright?" Blaine asked, immediately worried.
"He's OK," Burt said. "He's in your room. I need to talk to you both later."
Blaine nodded and excused himself, hurrying upstairs. Blaine crawled onto the bed, dropping his bag as he went, and found Kurt was dozing slightly. Kurt shifted though when he felt the bed dip and rolled over, opening his eyes lazily and looking at Blaine who grinned back in response.
"You're home," Kurt yawned, rolling into Blaine, who scooped his boyfriend up in his arms.
"I'm yours for the rest of the night," Blaine assured him, kissing him lightly.
"How was school?" Kurt asked.
"Boring without you," Blaine sighed. "Everyone misses you so much. Wes even called off practice."
"He's never done that," Kurt gasped, feigning an overly-shocked expression.
"That's how much Dalton suck's without you," Blaine said. "Nick is miserable. He's lost his art partner."
"I miss him too," Kurt sighed.
"So your dad said you had another panic attack," Blaine said softly and Kurt groaned, burying his face in Blaine's chest.
"It's so embarrassing," Kurt moaned.
"Shh, there nothing to be embarrassed about. Think about all that you've been through Kurt," Blaine explained. "You know that I have panic attacks too."
"Not as often as me though," Kurt mumbled.
"I still have them and they can be so much worse than yours. I usually end up in the emergency room because I can't breathe." Blaine reminded him, sighing.
Kurt shuddered in Blaine arms and kissed his collar bone. "I just wish everything was back to normal," Kurt admitted quietly, his good hand playing with the hem of Blaine's shirt.
"I know, I want the same but we just have to be patient and it will get better," Blaine murmured.
"How do you always know the right things to say?" Kurt asked, wonder in his voice.
"I don't always," Blaine said. "You know I'm oblivious when it comes to some things."
"Such as?" Kurt asked, looking into Blaine's hazel orbs.
"Romance," Blaine responded immediately.
"You're not as bad as you think you are," Kurt said, gently kissing his boyfriend.
"Yes I am," Blaine huffed out. "I couldn't even tell when you were asking me out."
Kurt's mind instantly flashed back to when they were fourteen.
~*~
Kurt had spent hours fretting and stressing. Kurt was a stress baker and so when Annie popped over the Hummel home her taste buds and nostrils were assaulted by the smell of Elizabeth's famous scone recipe.
Annie followed the smells and found Kurt in the kitchen, flour smeared across his cheek with trays and trays of scones laid out in front of him. Blaine loved them and Kurt didn't make them very often, so it was always appreciated when he did.
"Hi honey," Annie said, leaning against the kitchen door frame and watched Kurt with an amused smile.
Kurt glanced up with wide eyes, surprised. "Hi Annie," Kurt smiled.
"Are you making your mum's recipe?" Annie asked, pushing off the door frame and coming into the kitchen.
"Yeah," Kurt said, turning back to the mixture.
"How about we make this the last batch otherwise we'll be eating scones for a month?" Annie teased and Kurt blushed.
"OK," Kurt said and started dutifully measuring out the mixture for the next load. Annie helped without a word. She had known Kurt long enough to know that he would start talking in his own time. Elizabeth had been the same. Whenever she was stressed she would bake and Annie would help. Eventually she would blurt out what was on her mind.
When the scone had been cut and but in the oven to bake, Kurt started talking.
"Annie?" Kurt said quietly, eyes fixed on the bench in front of him as he started cleaning up.
"Hmm?" Annie hummed, wiping the flour up.
"How can I let someone know I like them?" Kurt asked, his cheek a furious red and he wouldn't let his eyes move from the bench he was cleaning.
"What have you tried so far?" Annie inquired, continuing to clean the bench, not looking at Kurt so he didn't feel even more embarrassed.
"I've given him gifts," Kurt started to rattle off. "I touch him all the time, I flirt with him, we sing flirty duets but he doesn't get it!"
"Well," Annie said with a smirk. "Blaine does get it from his father."
"I don't know what else to- wait, YOU KNOW?" Kurt shrieked, jaw dropping.
"I had my suspicions," Annie shrugged and smiled at Kurt who was now flaming red in the face.
"He's my best friend," Kurt whispered, tears welling in his eyes. "What if I mess it up?"
"Oh honey," Annie said, pulling Kurt into a motherly hug. "You won't mess it up. I know Blaine adores you, he's just a little slow sometimes."
Kurt giggled and hugged Annie back. "You really think he likes me more than a friend?" Kurt asked, eyes bright with hope.
"I think so, but you'll never know unless you ask him," Annie said and Kurt nodded.
"Are you all still coming for dinner?" Kurt asked.
"Edward is bringing Blaine with him later on," Annie said. "I just popped over to help Burt with the books."
"They're in the living room," Kurt said.
Annie nodded and they finished cleaning up. Kurt retreated to his room while Annie went and got the book keeping for the garage out of the living room. She was still working on it when Burt came home followed quickly by Edward and Blaine who had showed up at the same time.
"Hi, Mum," Blaine said, kissing Annie on the cheek.
"Hi, honey," Annie greeted him.
"Kurt's been baking," Blaine noted, grinning and grabbing a scone of the wire rack, almost dropping it as it was still hot. "Is he OK? These are his mum's and he only bakes these when he's not feeling great."
"Why don't you go ask him? He's in his room," Annie suggested, trying to keep the smile off her face.
Blaine nodded and dashed out of the room, taking the stairs two at a time. Blaine jogged to Kurt's room and knocked before ducking in. Kurt was sitting at his desk with his laptop open, looking at picture of him, Blaine and Elizabeth when they were six.
"Hey," Blaine said softly and Kurt whipped around.
"Hi," he stuttered out, flushing pink.
Blaine had noticed lately that Kurt had a pink hue to his cheek whenever he was with him. Maybe he was getting sick or something? "Is everything OK? You've been baking...a lot," Blaine said, moving to sit on the bed. Kurt's head snapped up and their eyes met. "Not that I mind," Blaine instantly backtracked, "I mean, I love scones but I just –"
"I'm OK," Kurt interrupted quickly. "Just something on my mind."
"What is it? Is it the bullies?" Blaine asked, immediately worried. The tension instantly disbanded as Kurt shook his head.
"No, not the bullies."
"Then what? You're my best friend Kurt; you can tell me anything," Blaine said, looking adorably oblivious.
Kurt stood, hands shaking slightly and he started pacing. "I want to go out with you," Kurt said in a rush.
"OK, where do you want to go? Breadstix? A movie?" Blaine asked, not getting it.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "No Blaine, I want to go out with you," Kurt said, punctuating each word and raising his eyebrows significantly, trying to get the message across.
"I know, you said that. Where do you want to go?" Blaine inquired, still confused.
Kurt sighed and took a risk. He leant forward and kissed Blaine on the lips, lingering for a second before pulling right back, biting his lip.
"Oh," Blaine breathed, eyes wide.
"Blaine?" Kurt asked nervously. "I-bugger- I shouldn't have- I'm sorry-of course you don't feel that way-"
Blaine blinked and instinctively leant forward, pressing his lips to Kurt's who stuttered and fell silent. Blaine hesitantly brought his hand up to cup Kurt's cheek and Kurt's leaned into the touch, eye fluttering closed. Blaine pulled back, but not too far and grinned. "Yes, Kurt. I'll go out with you."
"If you say to a movie again," Kurt threatened and Blaine chuckled.
"No, I'll go out with you. I'll be your best friend and your boyfriend." Blaine beamed as a bright smile lit up Kurt's face and he flung himself at Blaine, hugging him tightly and giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.
~*~
Kurt was brought back to the present by Blaine giving him a gentle squeeze.
"Where did you go?" Blaine hummed.
"To when I asked you out," Kurt responded and Blaine blushed.
"I still can't believe how clueless I was," Blaine said, shaking his head.
"I thought it was adorable," Kurt grinned. "I think you're adorable."
"No, you know I'm adorable. That's why you love me so much," Blaine replied, pulling Kurt into a kiss, letting his tongue swipe Kurt's bottom lip.
He didn't want to push Kurt into anything, not until he was ready and comfortable again. Kurt hadn't gone into great detail about what happened, or what Karofsky had said to him and Blaine didn't want Kurt to feel uncomfortable around him. He pulled back softly and Kurt whined.
"Your dad needs to speak to us," Blaine said, breath ghosting over Kurt's lips. Kurt pouted as Blaine rolled away, sitting up on the bed. "Come on," Blaine said, helping Kurt up.
"Tease," Kurt grumbled, but allowed Blaine to take his hand and tug him downstairs. Worry flashed through his mind briefly – what could his father have to say that was so important? His instincts told him one thing only.
Karofsky.