So... I took long updating again. Don't really have an excuse beside the fact of me being a douche. Any way in the spirit of St. Patrick's day, and for AVPSY coming out Friday, here you go!

I start to wake up, opening my eyes, and feeling wonderful for finally getting a good nights sleep. There is a slight movement on the bed, and Blaine's strong arms wrap tighter around me, pulling me into hes chest.

"Good morning beautiful" he whispers in my ear.

I don't say anything, mostly because I'm speechless and because I just want to put all of my attention into being in he arms. I sink lower in to his grasp. Soaking in the feeling of having someone there to protect me. But, I think to myself, from what? I know the answer...me. The only person Blaine needs to save me from isme. Which is really confusing this early in the morning, and I would much rather go back to thinking of Blaine's strong arms. So I push the thought out of my mind for later, going back to the romantic moment before.

I turn around in our bed so I'm inches away from his face, "Good morning" I'm still in a sleep state so it probably came out a lot less coherent then I aimed it to be.

"What do you want for breakfast?" he questions, acting like he isn't judging every emotion that crosses my face. Honestly I'm starving, but there's still this fear in the back of my mind that I'm not good enough for Blaine. I mean just last night he catered to me, caring me to bed, making me soup, he is absolutely the best man anyone could have... and compared to me...I'm nothing. But I have to try for Blaine, I just hope it is easier then it sounds.

As a matter of fact it was a lot easier than I thought, at least with Blaine there along with me, constantly reminding me that I'm beautiful and gorgeous, breakfast went very swimmingly.

Though I don't think it's going to continue to go like this, I already feel a need to run to the toilet every time Blaine looks at me. I mean he can't possibly be proud to call me his boyfriend. Just look at me. But that shouldn't be on my mind right now, now I'm planning an outfit for tonight. Blaine thought it might be good if I got out of the house, were apparently going to go out with a couple of his work buddies at this new club...Sounds just like a reason to get drunk of a Friday, if you ask me. None the less, I promise.

I go back to sorting through my closet and glance down at my wrist. There are still the white horizontal lines all the way up my forearm, Blaine has yet to notice them. That it self hurts a lot, you'd like someone who loved you as much as they said would notice. Just another reason I think he's lying. But anyway it's a good thing he hasn't realized they're there because if he does he'll also realize just how disgusting I've been telling him I am.

I'm still staring at my arm when there's a tiny voice in my head that just saysdo it. I don't know what it is, but I feel this need to listen. The next thing I know I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, razor in hand. Just admiring it. I slowing drag it across the edge of my wrist. Small red dots appear and it's like I've never seem something so alive. It's just one ity bitty cut. But then I do it again, just under the one before. And then a third time. I marvel in the pain. I hear the sound of keys jostling the locked front door and quickly clean up and scurry back into the bedroom and to my closet.

Just as I hear a soft knock on the door, acting as if I'm putting together the finishing touches on my outfit, white long sleeve with my black vest and jeans.

"Hey cutie" he speaks in a sultry voice. "Almost ready to go?"

"Um.. yeah just need to change" I reply in a way that imply's I want some privacy. Obviously being oblivious, Blaine doesn't catch on.

I just pick up my clothes and head to the bathroom. While changing I'm grateful for pick a shirt with long sleeves, I've never been one for make up and I don't thing the club will be dark enough to hide them. I stare into the mirror after putting on my pants, and as my hands flatten out my shirt my eyes glue to my waist.God, it's just so big. I take a deep breath.In and out.I open the bathroom door ready to leave and just enjoy my night, be there's a small feeling of fear the night will go wrong.

The music is loud. Like really loud. It's actually really annoying, but once I get with a few drinks in my system I start to care less and less. I'm currently drinksomethingthat taste like strawberries and pure amazingness, when I see Blaine on the dance for with some of his friends. He shoots me a little smirk just daring me to come over there. So I do just that.

I strut over to him, sliding up so were chest to chest. We suddenly don't notice anyone else in the room just us, the music, and something like pure sex. He grabs my hips closer to his, and I throw my head back.God that feels good.

We dance for what seems for ever tell Blaine motions for us to go to the bar. He orders another beer, but me already feeling somewhat sober orders water.

"Thanks" I tell the bartender that brings us our drinks.

"Sooo...Kurt." Blaine looks over to me, head cocked with a look on his face that is anything but innocent. He slowing leans in and whispers, "Let's get out of here"

And then all the fun that I had been having that night goes away. The drinking, the feeling free, like I could do anything. All of it goes away because, when Blaine says he want to leave it means he wants to go home and have sex. Which a month ago I would have been all for it, I mean just look at Blaine's body. But now, Blaine can't see my body, one that marks on my arms he might be drunk but not that drunk, and two I'm stillfat.He would be so grossed out.

Keeping a straight face I look at him, "Yeah we should probably get home." And then drag him by his hand through the crowd of people and out into the cold city night, flagging down a taxi quickly shooting him the apartment address.

Throughout the whole fifteen minute ride home, I'm constantly trying to get Blaine to stop sucking on my neck.

"Baine..bayby stop." I say with a small chuckle for about the hundredth time just as we pull up to the apartment. I struggle getting Blaine out of the car and hand the cab driver his money than steer a wobbly Blaine in to the building and to the elevator.

I open the door, apparently finding your keys with stopping a very horny boyfriend from grabbing your ass every second his difficult. Who would have known. But thankfully I got us both back safe.

Once were both in to our room I quickly put on my pajamas while Blaine is distracted with one of our pillows. Then I head to his closet grabbing pants and a white t-shirt.

"Okay sit up" I tell him and try to help him to the edge of the bed. "Lift up your arms up" He does and I drag up his shirt, throwing it near the hamper.

"If you wanted my clothes off you could have just said something" I think he means for it to sound sexy, but with the smell of alcohol flooding my lungs I find I hard to get wellhard.

"No honey, right now I want to get your ready for bed" I say as I struggle to get off his pants.

"Wait..? Bed?" He asks as if he's never heard of such thing. "That doesn't sound like fun".

He then grabs me by my waist and an flips me so my backs against our bed and he's straddling me.

"..But this is" he finishes as he pushes our lips together along with our hips. I feel like pushing him off, but he feels so good. I gain enough composer tear my lips from his.

"Stop... ahhh..Blaine please" He attached his lips to my neck, licking that one spot.

"No really stop." I start to push him off, but he's a lot stronger.

"Come on babee, let's do it".

"No Blaine not tonight"

"Why because you think your fat? Well you're not okay so let doit" Ouch. Did he really just bring that up? Like what? He knows Ihatemyself and he's willing to bringthatup? I finally push him off.

"That was low" I glare at him. He looks up shocked, I believe not because of what I said but that he wasn't expecting be to move.

"You know I don't like my body and you think you saying how I'm 'not fat' is going to make me suddenly take off my pants?"I'm absolutely appalled. He continues to look at me like a confused puppy, and then what I least expect to happen, happens. He gets angry.

"What the hell am I suppose to do...Kurt.You don't like your self but no matter how many times I tell you how beautiful and sexy you are you don't seem to comprehend it. ButsorrryI just want to have sex with my boyfriend! Is that such a bad thing?" There's a long dull silence, once filled by cars driving outside.

"The fact...thatthatis your reasoning is just so fuck up." And I leave the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

Yay! What an emotional roller coaster, sad, happy, sexy, angry. Anyway hope people enjoy reading this!Please review. -Grace