The things we have to do without

Kurt stares disbelievingly after Blaine, unpleasant memories of the last time his boyfriend did this to him invading his mind. At least at Scandals Kurt had a clear sense of what was wrong, but this time Blaine has just taken off quietly and without warning, and it unnerves Kurt more than he would like.

He turns to look at Finn and Rachel, the former looking as confused as ever and the latter looking about as helpless as Kurt feels. The seconds tick by, no one feeling like breaking the silence.

'Get in the car,' Kurt orders suddenly, striding around to the driver's side of the car. 'Get in or I'm leaving you here,' he adds a bit more firmly, when no one moves to obey. 'I'm not kidding.'

That does it, and thirty seconds later they are all in the car, driving slowly back the way they came, and looking around for any sign of Blaine.

'Kurt, do you think maybe he wants to be left alone?' Rachel's voice is careful next to him.

'Of course he does,' Kurt snaps. Blaine isn't the type to use a stunt like this as a cry for help. He buries stuff or he talks about it. Which is why Kurt is so bothered that Blaine would just take off. 'But it's not about what he wants right now. We can't just leave him out here by himself.'

Kurt slows down at an intersection. They are a little outside Lima and if Blaine was headed back there, he would have continued straight ahead. But where – if anywhere – is Blaine headed? Kurt squints left and right, trying to make out any pedestrians in the dark, but the streets are empty except for the few cars that join theirs. In the end Kurt crosses the intersection towards Lima, hoping that Blaine did the same.

'Dude, I think maybe we passed him,' Finn says from the back seat. 'No way he got this far before us.'

'We'd have seen him,' Kurt protests, but he knows Finn is right. Blaine didn't get that much of a head start.

'He really doesn't want to be found,' Rachel concludes quietly. 'Did he say anything to you?'

'No. Literally in fact,' Kurt realizes, and he sighs in frustration. Why couldn't Blaine have just talked to him and asked for space if that is what he needed? Kurt would have understood. Really, he would.

'Hold on, I'm sitting on something,' Rachel informs them. Kurt raises an eyebrow and he almost says 'Your ass?' but then Rachel pulls out the object from under her and holds it up. 'Why am I sitting on your wallet?'

Kurt's mouth falls open slightly, his eyes darting to the small compartment underneath the radio, where he usually keeps his wallet, when he's in the car. Then realization dawns.

'Check it. How much money is in there?'

'About... twenty dollars?'

Kurt groans and slams his hands on the steering wheel, causing them to swerve slightly.

'He took money?' Finn asks. 'What does that mean?'

'It means,' Kurt says with a restrained sort of calm. 'That Blaine could be anywhere.'

*

Half an hour later they have dropped Finn off at home, agreeing that he should stay there in case Blaine decides to show up by himself, and Kurt and Rachel have taken separate cars and are searching for Blaine in different parts of town. There had been a brief discussion about whether they should even be looking for him, seeing as Blaine isn't a child and can probably look after himself. Kurt had pointed out then that at this point they have no idea what is going to work as far as switching Blaine back. What if it somehow happens while he is out on his own? Seventeen-year-old Blaine might not have any idea where he is.

And if Kurt is honest, he thinks to himself as he parks at the bus station some time later, he would just like to know where Blaine is, because the uncertainty is killing him. This not knowing what Blaine is thinking or planning to do. Mostly he really wants to shake the feeling that, despite promising that he wouldn't, Blaine has left him.

'Hi,' Kurt addresses the bored-looking woman behind the counter, after checking every corner of the bus station for Blaine. 'I was wondering if maybe you'd seen my … friend. He'd be a little shorter than me. Dark curly hair. About thirty years old.'

'Sweetie, I see a lot of people in here.' The middle-aged woman sounds thoroughly disinterested. 'You're gonna have to do better than that.'

'Um, okay.' Kurt frowns for a second, before pulling out his phone and scrolling through his picture gallery, searching for a good picture of Blaine. He stops at one of the both of them from this past Valentine's Day. In it Kurt is wearing Blaine's stupidly cute heart-shaped eye-patch because Blaine had insisted that Kurt would look adorable with it. Kurt had relented and posed for the picture, his scoffing melting away at the way Blaine watched him; that particular look that he reserved for Kurt and Kurt only. Kurt's breath hitches a little. God, he misses that look. He thinks he's almost seen it a few times from this older Blaine, but a few seconds later he's always sure that he has imagined it and Blaine is just being Blaine.

'Kid?'

Kurt startles out of his reverie and he flushes a little. He quickly scrolls on, finds a photo that is just Blaine alone and shows it to the woman.

'He would look something like that. Only he's older and the hair is different. He would have come in here sometime after seven tonight.'

She glances at the photo, but shakes her head after a few seconds.

'Sorry, kid. Haven't seen him.'

Kurt sighs and thanks the woman before leaving, a mixture of relief and disappointment flowing through him as he gets back in his car. He supposes he should be glad that it seems that at least Blaine isn't upset enough to actually be leaving town, but on the other hand, Kurt is no closer to finding him now than he was an hour ago.

Suddenly a thought occurs to Kurt and it's so simple he wonders why none of them have thought of it before: Blaine's parents' house. His parents are away at the moment as they so often are, so the house is empty, and Blaine could let himself in with the spare key they keep under the potted plant on the porch. It would only make sense for him to go there, wouldn't it?

A long car ride later Kurt parks in front the Anderson house, and he makes his way up the garden path slowly. He takes in the dark windows and his heart sinks a little, but, having come all this way, he decides to poke his head in anyway.

'Blaine?' Kurt calls cautiously after letting himself in and replacing the key. 'Are you here?'

Kurt closes the door behind him and, after checking the kitchen and the living room, he makes his way upstairs. He calls Blaine's name again, a little louder this time, but receives no response. He pokes his head into every room until finally he reaches Blaine's bedroom at the end of the hall.

Kurt knocks gently on the door, but a second later he opens it to find the room just as dark and empty as the rest of the house. He turns on the light and takes in the room as he leans back against the door, closing it. The room looks undisturbed and as tidy as ever, Kurt notes, clearly wrong in his assumption that Blaine would come here. As Kurt steps further into the room, an uncanny feeling of home washes over him. He runs his fingers lightly over the dark wood dresser, smiling faintly at the many strange artifacts cluttering its surface. Kurt has heard a story about each of them, told by a typically eager Blaine.

In some ways this, just being here in Blaine's bedroom, is the closest Kurt has been to him in days. His Blaine. The one he can still call his boyfriend. The other, older Blaine is grown and handsome and still so wonderfully Blaine, but at the same time he's not the Blaine that Kurt knows. He feels, well, older and guarded in a way Kurt isn't used to. Sure, Kurt loves this incarnation of his boyfriend every bit as much, but he also finds himself somewhat confused by him.

Kurt drops down on the bed and, without really thinking, he lies back on it, resting his head on one of the pillows. He thinks he can still smell his Blaine on it. He pulls the other pillow towards him, hugging it and breathing in deeply, losing himself in the familiar scent of his boyfriend. Before he knows it, Kurt's eyes are wet and he's crying for the first time since pulling Blaine out of the car three days ago. Within minutes he is properly sobbing and his whole body is shaking with the force of it, suddenly so overwhelmed with everything. Kurt hugs the pillow tighter and tighter, and he burrows deeper into the one under his head, not entirely sure if he's torturing or comforting himself.

Kurt isn't sure how long he lies like that, but eventually his sobs die down and his breathing deepens and evens until finally sleep overtakes him.