Chapter 12

They start coming, and I start rising

.

'Hey, freak,' JT said as he and his buddies approached. His usual fake-friendly tone had disappeared and been replaced by something a lot more sinister. 'I got detention because of you.'

'No,' Blaine corrected. 'You got detention because of you.' He looked up at JT, refusing to be backed into the lockers behind him even as JT crowded him uncomfortably. 'I just happened to be in the middle.'

Blaine made to leave, but JT's hand flew out in front of Blaine's face and hit the nearest locker with a loud bang. His arm stayed extended, blocking Blaine's path. Blaine swallowed, forcing himself to look unaffected.

'Go away, JT.'

'Look at you, acting all tough and manly,' JT teased.

Blaine's eyes darted around the hallway. It was all but empty now as JT withdrew his arm and moved his entire body in front of Blaine instead. Blaine instinctively began to back away down the hall, but after a few paces he bumped into one of JT's friends and almost tripped. The boy caught him around the shoulders and pushed him back towards JT, whose lips curled into a cruel smile.

'But you and I both know that inside is just a scared little girl, isn't that right?'

Blaine blinked as JT stepped even closer. JT reached out and with the back of his hand he caressed Blaine's face in what would have been tender manner if the whole situation hadn't been so unnerving.

And Blaine let him. Oh god, he let him.

Blaine closed his eyes, trying to think straight and assess the situation. He had JT in front of him, one of his friends behind him, another to his left, and the lockers to his right. There was no way out.

'Hey!' a voice came suddenly – Kurt's voice – and Blaine's eyes flew open. A moment later Kurt pushed past the guy on Blaine's left. 'What is going on?'

'Oh, look, it's your boyfriend,' JT said, somehow managing to make these words sound mocking. He raised his hand towards Blaine's face again, but Kurt slapped his hand away and stepped between them.

'Don't touch him.'

'Awh, look at Hummel being a big man and coming to his girlfriend's rescue.'

'You know,' Kurt said, and though Blaine couldn't see his face, the way Kurt's hands were on his hips told Blaine that he was not happy. 'calling him a girl doesn't make you clever or funny-'

'It makes me right,' JT interjected.

'It makes you an asshole,' Kurt corrected. He turned around towards Blaine. 'Come on, we have glee.'

Kurt had his back turned to JT, so he didn't see the look JT shared with his friends, but Blaine did and he knew exactly what it meant, because he had seen it before, although back then it had been accompanied by words.

Restrain the fag.

Before Blaine could do anything other than recognize that it was happening, let alone try and warn Kurt, Kurt was grabbed and torn away from Blaine. He yelled and struggled, but JT's two friends had a firm hold on each of Kurt's arms, and they were both bigger and taller.

'Leave him alone!' Blaine shouted as he lunged at them – this could not happen again – but JT was too quick, grabbing Blaine and shoving him backwards. Blaine collided hard with the nearest locker, except-

Except the moment he did, it was no longer a locker behind him but a brick wall, and that bright light must be coming from a streetlamp.

'Stop it!' someone was screaming. Tyler? Blaine shook his head, trying to clear the images from his mind. No. Kurt.

Blaine struggled against the restraint, but the more he did, the harder the arm under his chin pressed against his throat, cutting off more and more of his air supply and making him lightheaded. Where was he again?

There seemed to be a lot of noise around him, several people yelling and then metallic banging.

'For God's sake, you're choking him,' a voice cried out.

No, Ty. Don't. Please, Tyler. They'll get you too.

Blaine shivered. He should have brought a jacket. Columbus got cold in February. But then, it hadn't been their plan to spend time outside. Tyler's father was supposed to be here by now.

'Blaine...'

I'm so sorry. Just run, Ty. You should've just run.

'Who the fuck is Tyler?' a rough voice said near Blaine's ear, and suddenly Blaine was inside again and oh, had that been out loud? 'God, you're even more of a freak than I thought.'

'Blaine..' His name was a broken whisper on someone's lips, and Blaine was vaguely aware that it was Kurt's, but all he could hear was Tyler and his own thundering heart. He was dizzy and his mind felt clouded, like those moments between sleeping and waking, except here nightmares waited on both sides, pressing ever closer.

'You know,' Jamie – wow, he was so much bigger than when Blaine had last seen him – said conversationally. 'I'm not sure if this all makes Hummel more or less normal. On the one hand he's actually screwing a girl, but on the other he's going about it all wrong. Because, I mean, what the fuck.'

Someone – several someone's – was laughing coldly, and god, Blaine couldn't even say for sure if it was happening then or now.

'Let me go. Blaine... Leave him alone. For Christ's sake, look at him!'

Yes, look at him. The big trans joke who existed just for other people's entertainment and judgement.

'Blaine, honey.'

The voices around Blaine were muffled through the ringing in his ears. All he could think about was lying on the ground in front of that damned school, broken and helpless as the blows kept coming. He could almost taste the blood in his mouth.

But then a different image occurred to him, one of him standing straight and defiant, and he heard his own voice from that night, though it took him a moment to recognize it as such with how much it had changed since then.

I'm not gonna apologize for who I am.

His fourteen-year-old self had fought. He might have lost in the end, but he had fought until he couldn't anymore. He hadn't just let people walk all over him.

And actually, Blaine no longer was that terrified fourteen-year-old kid being brutally beaten up. He was the nearly eighteen-year-old boy who had made it through that. Who had patched himself up and made a life for himself. Who had mended his relationship with both of his parents and his brother. Who had friends and a boyfriend. Who had faced his body issues and didn't let them rule him. Who no longer took Sebastian's crap.

And who sure as heck wasn't going to take the crap of three prejudiced clowns who by all appearances were more bark than bite. Blaine was better than that. He was not "Freak" or "Amber" or "Worthless." His name was Blaine Anderson, and he was nobody'svictim. Not today. He had come too far.

JT, whose hold on Blaine had grown slack while Blaine was freaking out, was still grinning like an idiot when Blaine looked up, but Blaine's newfound resolve must be showing on his face, because JT's smirk soon morphed into a scowl.

Blaine pushed JT's arm away easily, and then with strength he didn't know he had, he pushed at JT himself, getting him out of his personal space. JT looked stunned only for half a second before his eyes narrowed at Blaine.

'You stupid little...'

JT lunged forward but Blaine was ready for him and ducked out of the way, causing JT to collide loudly with the lockers. Blaine heard him swear something unintelligible and watched as he turned around, breathing heavily.

'Right, you think you can take me? Us?'

Blaine simply shrugged in response – it wasn't even about that – and when JT motioned to one of the guys who was still restraining Kurt, Blaine smiled and watched in polite interest as the boy let go of Kurt to advance towards Blaine instead. Kurt caught Blaine's eye, and he looked rather like he thought Blaine had lost his mind, but Blaine's panic had vanished, leaving him relaxed and serene, and he gave Kurt a reassuring smile.

Kurt, however, shook his head as vigorously as he could given the arm that was now around his neck. 'Blaine, don't be an idiot,' he hissed.

'Don't worry,' Blaine said.

'Oh, I'd worry,' JT said, watching Blaine rather like a predator on the hunt.

JT and his friend moved at the same time, and Blaine moved in response, but they were quick – much too quick for Blaine – and even though he fought, he still ended up slammed against the lockers once more. The impact was a great deal harder this time, almost knocking the wind out of Blaine, but Blaine was not backing down now. He was not cowering. He was not pleading. He barely even blinked.

Instead he laughed in JT's face.

'What are you gonna do? We're in the middle of a school hallway,' he pointed out. 'And whatever brilliant thing you come up with, trust me, I've been through worse.'

JT seemed to be considering his options, and with each second that went by, Blaine took more and more pleasure in his lack of decision. He was on the verge of suggesting that he and Kurt be let go, when JT's face lit up in a smile as he eyed something down the hall. 'Ah, here come the freak hive.'

JT grabbed Blaine roughly by the shirt, pulled him forward and spun him around to restrain him in a manner that reminded Blaine vividly of hostage situations he had seen on TV, only without the gun to his head. It took Blaine a moment to get his bearings, but then he saw what JT was looking at.

The entire New Directions sans Mr Schue was marching towards them, spearheaded by Rachel and Santana.

'Oh, fun,' JT whispered in Blaine's ear. 'Let's have a chat with your friends. See how long they remain that way.'

'Let them go,' Rachel demanded when she was close enough to be heard clearly.

'Did you even know?' JT asked, ignoring Rachel's order. 'I bet you didn't. I bet Blainey here never saw fit to tell you. Huh, Blaine?'

JT shook Blaine slightly, probably to entice a response out of him, but Blaine stayed stubbornly quiet. If he didn't engage or freak out, there was only so long that JT could remain amused. Blaine closed his eyes, willing himself to stay calm. Nothing had changed since a minute ago. There were just a few more people staring at him now.

People whose attitudes he didn't really know yet.

'Huh? Have you told your friends what you are?'

'He's our friend is what he is,' Mike said, pushing his way to the front.

'Ha!' JT sounded almost maniacal, and Blaine struggled to remember how the two of them had ever been friends. '"He" is not even a real he.'

A hand snaked around Blaine's waist to the front of his pants, and it took Blaine a moment to catch up with the situation, because surely JT would not actually go there? But he was, and he fumbled around Blaine's belt, Blaine's panicked attempts to bat the hand away fruitless as Blaine couldn't use all his strength in this position.

People were shouting around them, Kurt more outraged than any of them, and Blaine would have joined if the arm around his neck had left him any air for it, and if he wasn't already spending all his energy on struggling with his whole body. Writhing, kicking, clawing. He didn't see but could hear the scuffling as presumably someone tried to move past the last of JT's friends who acted as a barrier between the New Directions and the rest.

Despite Blaine's frantic struggling, it only took JT's hand a few seconds to find its way first into Blaine's pants and then his briefs. Blaine felt like he was going to be sick.

'Calm down, I'm not gonna molest you, you moron,' JT hissed, but a moment later when he was holding Blaine's packer into the air for everyone to see, Blaine wasn't sure that this was much of a consolation. 'Look at this! He's a freak!'

Several people gasped. Blaine felt his face burn in embarrassment, and he wished bitterly that he hadn't come here today. He should have taken his parents' offer to switch schools again. At least that way he could have pretended that his friends were still his friends. He wouldn't have had to see the shock and confusion on their faces as they were faced with Blaine's transsexuality for the first time. Knowing it was one thing. Having it shoved in their faces, especially in such a crude and vivid manner, was quite another.

'Ohmigod, let me see,' Santana said as she stepped forward. She came to stand right in front of Blaine, eyes curious and completely ignoring Blaine's continued protests as she took the packer from JT.

'Santana,' Kurt said sharply, his voice a clear warning. 'Santana, I swear to God...'

Santana, however, ignored him. She inspected the packer for a second before shrugging and handing it off to a confused-looking Rachel who had come rushing forward.

Santana crossed her arms, and the hallway was completely silent as she eyed Blaine's crotch for a long – and, for Blaine, very uncomfortable – moment.

'And the amazing thing is,' she said, a familiar smirk on her face as she looked up at JT, and Blaine's brain jammed, trying to catch up with the situation, and oh. 'This guy still has more balls than you could ever dream of.' The smirk vanished, and her voice was strained pleasant when she finished, 'Now let them go before we make you.'

'Yeah? You and whose-'

JT broke off mid-sentence when the entire rest of the glee club charged forward, led by Mike and Puck, the latter of which single-handedly shoved aside the guy that still stood in their way. They stopped a few feet behind Santana and Rachel. Rachel beamed at them, but Santana looked unimpressed as though she had expected nothing less. She looked back at JT and raised an eyebrow. 'You were saying?'

The moments dragged by as the two of them continued to stare at each other until finally Blaine felt JT's hold on him lessen. 'You know what, whatever.' JT released Blaine, shoving him forward as he did. 'I was getting bored anyway. Let's go, guys.'

Blaine looked around in time to see Kurt being released too, and the moment he could, Kurt hurried towards Blaine, his hand finding Blaine's quickly.

'You okay?' he asked breathlessly.

For a moment Blaine just stood there, shaken yet weirdly uplifted, and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry, let alone how to respond to Kurt's question. His eyes found Santana's next to him.

'You're welcome,' she said and flashed him her usual detached smile, but Blaine detected a certain warmth there too. She turned to the group and ushered them back. 'Come on, people! Let's get back to the choir room. We have Regionals to prepare for.'

They all started towards the choir room, and as they did, Blaine intertwined his hand with Kurt's and squeezed lightly.

'Yeah, I think I'm okay,' he said and he got a squeeze in return. Good.

'Hey, Blaine.'

Blaine looked around to see Rachel fall into step beside him, and his eyes widened when he saw her holding out his packer.

'Your penis, good sir,' she said seriously, giving a small bow. Blaine stared at her for a long moment, but then he gave into the surreality of the situation – Rachel, Rachel of all people, had come into possession of his packer and was handing it back to him as though it was his car keys – at the same time as the corner of her mouth twitched, and they both burst out laughing.

***

Blaine had friends.

He was out and he had friends.

Friends.

Plural.

And not only did he still have friends, he hadn't lost a single one either. In fact Sam had come up to him after the events in the hallway and exclaimed, 'Dude! What did I tell you? We're a family in here,' and Mike had pulled him aside, looked him in the eye and said, 'You're still my best friend. That doesn't change.'

When Blaine couldn't fall asleep that night, it wasn't because he was upset or anxious, but because he was so damned happy, and he couldn't stop going over the day's events in his head. The next day he went to school, slightly bleary-eyed but feeling strong in a way he couldn't remember having been since the moments after receiving his very first shot of T, but even that had been more a case of immediate euphoria and the possibilityof strength, the feeling that it was within his reach now. It had been momentary, but this felt real. It felt permanent.

Of course throughout the day Blaine was still getting looks and comments wherever he went, which was annoying to say the least, but he managed to mostly roll his eyes at it. Still, at the end of the day when he walked into the choir room for glee practice, he breathed a sigh of relief, because this place was his sanctuary. Sometime between transferring here and today, amidst all the crazy things that always seemed to be happening in this room, Blaine had come to love it and think of it as his home away from home.

With Regionals happening in four days there was a lot to get done, and rehearsals had reached a level of intensity unseen since Cooper had coached the team through Sectionals. Everyone, Blaine included, was so focused on their work – on being better, better, better – that Blaine almost forgot how things had changed for him. In here Blaine was simply Blaine.

After the first hour of rehearsal in the choir room, Mr. Schue called for a break. As people collapsed throughout the room in varying states of exhaustion, he told everyone to hydrate and meet him in the auditorium in ten minutes before sweeping off towards the teachers' lounge, humming I Believe I Can Fly to himself.

'Four more days,' Sam said as he sank down in a chair. 'and this'll all be over.'

'Don't tell me you're regretting coming back here?' Finn teased.

'I'm not,' Sam said. 'But man, this is hard work. I don't remember working this hard last year.'

'Last year we lost Nationals,' Rachel said from the floor. She was the only person still standing.

'This is Regionals, Rachel,' Mercedes pointed out.

'Yes, and we're up against the Warblers.'

'Last year we wiped the floor with the Warblers.' Mercedes looked over at Blaine and Kurt, Blaine sitting cross-legged on the floor and Kurt on a chair near him. 'No offense, guys.'

'None taken,' Kurt said in a tone that suggested that he did take offense except he clearly didn't mean it, and Blaine couldn't help his smile at how easy it was to hang out with the New Directions.

'Anyone know if they're still doing Michael?' Artie asked.

'Trent says they're not,' Blaine said. 'Seems the team didn't agree with Sebastian's methods. He wouldn't say what they're doing instead though. Oh, and for the record I didn't tell him anything about our plans,' he added, remembering how the fight for Michael had become an issue to begin with.

'Dude, don't sweat it. You've proven yourself,' Finn said, giving Blaine a small nod when their eyes met.

'Hey, Blaine?' Sam said after a moment's silence. He looked thoughtfully at Blaine. 'Is it okay if we, like, ask you stuff? You know, about the trans thing?'

'Um.' Blaine's eyes drifted to Kurt who chewed his lip, looking uncertain. 'Sure. I guess.'

'I'm just curious, when did this all start?'

'Depends what you mean, I suppose,' Blaine replied, acutely aware that all his friends were watching him. It seemed like everyone had been waiting for someone to bring the topic up. 'I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to be a boy. I've always felt this way, it just took me a while to understand it.'

'So when did you, like...officially?' Mike asked.

'I came out four years ago,' Blaine said, flashing back to the moment he had told his parents, remembering how he had broken down and sobbed into his dad's chest. It felt like a lifetime ago. 'It was right at the end of middle school.'

'Was it hard?' Tina asked.

'I don't know, I guess it was, but it was what I had to do, you know? I couldn't go on living...like that.'

'Totally,' Puck said from across the floor. He was watching Blaine intently, studying him, and Blaine had the uncomfortable thought that Puck was trying to imagine him as a girl.

Well, so much for sanctuary.

'Anyway,' Blaine said, looking away from Puck and back towards Tina and Mike. 'The worst part came later when I lost all my old friends, when I got bullied and pushed around, and when I realized that not all of my family were going to support me.'

'Who doesn't support you?' Rachel asked, coming to sit down next to Kurt.

'Um, my grandma and my dad's oldest brother are the most vocal about it, but pretty much that entire side of the family thinks I'm a freak.'

'That's awful,' Rachel said to general murmurs of agreement, and if Blaine had had the mental wherewithal he might have commented on the irony of this – answering personal questions whilst surrounded by a dozen of his friends, some really more acquaintances than anything, wasn't exactly helping him to not feel like a freak.

'Yeah,' Mercedes said. 'I was going to ask why you lied to us all this time, but I guess it's kinda understandable.'

'I didn't lie,' Blaine mumbled, his voice drowned out by yet more murmurs of agreement. It sounded to him like his friends thought they were being gracious for letting the lie slide, but the word "lie" left a bad taste in Blaine's mouth to begin with.

A buzz from the chair next to Kurt's alerted Blaine to a text, and he took his phone, grateful for a reprieve from this conversation.

Look, I really wanna make things right with you.

The text was from Sebastian. Here was another conversation Blaine didn't want to continue, although this one was more annoying than anything. You just want to keep your spot as lead soloist, he typed out quickly.

'So when did you have the surgery?' Tina asked, making Blaine look up in surprise, and he almost missed the Send button as a consequence.

'The surgery?'

'The- you know.'

'Tina,' Kurt hissed. 'Blaine, you don't have to answer that.'

Truthfully Blaine didn't want to answer – general questions were one thing, questions about what his body looked like was a quite another – but he felt compelled to anyway. These were his friends after all, and they had stepped up and supported him. So what if they had a few questions, didn't he kind of owe them?

'Um, I didn't. I haven't had any surgeries yet.'

'Oh,' Sam said, his eyes widening. 'So you still have...?' He waved a hand up and down his torso.

'Yeah,' Blaine said, and he if could physically have held back his blush he would have, but within seconds it had spread not only across his face but to his ears as well. 'I'm having top surgery in May though. Right after Nationals.'

'Top surgery?' Sam looked confused by the term. 'Is that, like...'

'Boobs, Sam,' Santana said, sounding irritated and bored with the whole discussion. As soon as the words left her mouth, she looked over at Blaine, catching his eye and mouthing the word Sorry. Blaine wasn't entirely sure who she was apologizing for, but he appreciated the sentiment regardless.

Blaine's phone buzzed again, and for the first time Blaine found himself happy to get a text from Sebastian.

What? No, this isn't about the Warblers.

Blaine was about to type out a response, but was once more pulled back into the conversation he wanted nothing more than to escape from.

'How do you pee?' Puck asked.

'Guys, really,' Kurt said before Blaine could even process the question. 'This is getting wildly inappropriate.'

'Dude, he doesn't mean anything by it,' Sam said, looking at Blaine more than Kurt. 'I think we're all just a bit curious how it all works.'

Blaine stared at Sam for a moment, trying to quell his own discomfort. It was natural to be curious, wasn't it? What was the question again? Right. Blaine looked over at Puck.

'Um, well, there are...devices you can use to, um, stand.' Blaine was pretty sure he must be scarlet by now (wasn't anyone noticing this?). He was talking about peeing. 'But they're kind of awkward to use, so I usually don't.'

Not wishing to witness anyone's reactions to his words, Blaine hurried to turn his attention back to his phone. He re-read the message from Sebastian and typed a quick response. Then what is it about? While he waited for Sebastian's reply, still staring at the phone, he felt Kurt's hand on his shoulder, calming him. Why was it so hard just to tell them "Stop, you're making me uncomfortable"?

Blaine's phone buzzed for the third time.

I don't know.

Blaine gave an exasperated sigh. Great. Well, get back to me when you figure that out. Or better yet: Don't. He didn't know whether Sebastian was being genuine or if he was still playing some sort of game, but he was done trying to work it out.

'What was your birth name?' Sugar asked suddenly, and great, now Blaine was back inthat conversation. She looked at him, head cocked to one side. 'Was it Blair?'

'I- what? Why would it be Blair?'

'I don't know, it's kind of similar?'

'Er, no. It wasn't Blair,' Blaine said, and he probably would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so awkward.

'What was it then?'

Blaine stared at Sugar for a long moment, then down at his phone at his last sent message, which Sebastian had read but thankfully not replied to. He had been straight with Sebastian. If he could do that, then surely he could do the same with his friends. If it offended them, then they weren't really his friends anyway.

When Blaine looked up again, his gaze was steady and unwavering.

'That really isn't any of your business. None of this is,' Blaine said, his tone slightly harsher than he intended, and around him expressions changed from curious to surprised. 'I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, I'm just- I'm thrilled that you guys wanna support me, and I thank you, really. I love you guys, but no offense, I don't know all of you that well, and some things are private. I'm not here to answer every question you ever had about transsexuality. That's what Google is for.'

A brief silence followed while everyone – Blaine included – seemed to be processing Blaine's words. Then mumbled apologies could be heard scattered across the room.

'Sorry, dude,' Sam said. 'We weren't trying to be disrespectful.'

'I know, and I'm not saying I won't talk about it with anyone ever,' Blaine said, hating the awkward moment he had created, but reminding himself to stand his ground. 'But this, what you're doing right now, ganging up on me like a group, that's not cool.'

Blaine breathed out and looked around, a little sheepish now that the words were out and the moment was over. He caught Kurt's eye first, and Kurt smiled as though to sayWell done. The rest of the New Directions were mostly looking uncomfortable or embarrassed, but Blaine knew that they would get back to normal soon enough. What mattered was that he had drawn a line.

Santana was the only one to appear unfazed by Blaine's speech, probably because she alone had seemed almost completely disinterested in what Blaine was telling them. When Blaine caught her watching him now, however, she looked...impressed, and Blaine felt an odd sense of pride at that.

Sanctuary restored.