Chapter 10

All that you are and everything that you do

(A word they say)

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Part one (of two)

'Blaine!' Kurt yelled after his boyfriend as the latter ran out. Finn watched from the back row as Kurt made to follow but was kept back by Rachel when she put a hand on his arm.

'Kurt, what's going on?' she asked.

'Yeah, is it true?' Artie chimed in.

Kurt turned to face the room again. His mouth moved wordlessly and a hush fell over the room as they waited for his response. A moment passed before he folded his arms across his chest and straightened his back. Going into defensive mode.

'It's not my place,' he said.

The moment the words left Kurt's mouth, chatter broke out again, everyone talking at once so that making out more than a few words here and there was impossible. Finn got the general gist of it, however, and – more importantly – so did Kurt who looked more and more uncomfortable by the second, making Finn confused as to whether he wanted to join his friends in asking questions (so many questions) or if he would rather tell everyone to shut up and leave Kurt alone.

'Guys, what's going on here?' Mr. Schue said next, making the decision for Finn (he couldn't very well tell his teacher to shut up). Kurt, who had been inching towards the door, sighed in frustration as he let himself be turned away from it once more. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. 'I feel like I've missed something.'

'Didn't you hear about Blaine?' Puck said. 'Apparently he's a girl.'

'What?'

'Stop saying that,' Kurt said in a dangerous voice that made Finn appreciate that Kurt wasn't speaking to him. 'He's not a girl.'

Puck's face scrunched up in confusion. 'So he's not a tranny then?'

Finn frowned. Weren't those men who dressed up in women's clothes? Like drag queens? That didn't seem to have anything to do with what they were saying about Blaine though. Drag queens weren't girls. And Finn didn't understand how Blaine could be a girl to begin with. The dude had facial hair and he boxed and stuff. None of this made any damned sense.

'Hey!' Rachel said sharply, startling Finn from his thoughts. She glared at Puck. 'That's a really rude word.'

'Well, I'm sorry,' Puck said, throwing his hands up. 'I'm just wondering what the hell is going on here.'

'I think we all kind of are,' Mr. Schue said, and murmurs of agreement sounded throughout the room. 'Kurt?'

'We're your friends, you can tell us,' Mercedes said.

'No one's gonna judge,' Quinn said.

'We're all just really confused,' Sam said.

Everyone looked expectantly at Kurt, but he just shook his head. Finn was reminded of that time back in December when Blaine had been freaked out about something, but neither he nor Kurt had wanted to say what. Was this it? He (or she?) was a girl? But how-

'You guys,' Brittany said, and Finn looked over at her, train of thought interrupted once more. 'You're acting really strange. Blaine's clearly not a girl.'

'Brit, this is a bit more complicated than that,' Santana whispered, although Finn heard her clearly through the hush that had fallen over the room.

'Why?' Brittany said, frowning at Santana's words. She looked at Kurt. 'Does he wantto be a girl?'

'No,' Kurt replied.

Brittany looked around at the rest of them. 'Seems pretty simple to me.'

'Thank you, Brittany,' Kurt said. 'Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to go find myboyfriend.'

As Finn watched Kurt go, he had the urge to follow, but the second Kurt was out the door, the debate started up again, making leaving kind of awkward. And okay, Finn was maybe hoping that someone had an answer to what was going on, because this was really very confusing.

'I'm still confused,' Puck said, echoing Finn's thoughts

'Maybe someone just made up that rumor to mess with him,' Mercedes offered.

'Or us,' Artie added.

'But clearly something's going on, or Blaine wouldn't have run off like that,' Quinn said.

'What do you say, Mike?' Sam said, turning to him. 'You guys hang out a lot, don't you?'

'Um, I don't know.' Mike shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable with the way everyone was looking at him now. 'Except for everything with the Warblers recently, he's seemed fine, I guess?'

Everyone looked disappointed when Mike couldn't offer anymore than this, but Finn didn't know what they had expected. Whatever was going on, it obviously wasn't something Blaine made a habit of sharing with other people.

'But what do they even mean "he's a girl?' Sugar asked the room after a few seconds of silence.

'Yeah,' Mercedes agreed. 'Boy doesn't really look like one.'

'Or sound like one,' Tina said.

Santana rolled her eyes, looking very unimpressed with them all. 'Haven't you people ever heard changing genders?'

'No way,' Puck all but gasped. 'They make 'em like that? But you can't even tell.'

'That's the point, dumbass,' Santana snapped.

'I just don't understand why anyone would wanna do that,' Quinn said. She looked kind of queasy. 'Change what God gave them.'

'Well, maybe he wasn't happy as a girl,' Rachel said softly, still lingering in the middle of the floor where she had addressed Kurt a few moments ago.

'It's still a bit weird though, isn't it?' Artie said, throwing up his hands in defense when everyone stared. 'Hey, I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.'

'Speak for yourself,' Rachel shot at him before taking an empty near Finn. Meanwhile Finn found himself wondering if he really did think it was weird. True, he might not really understand it, but did that necessarily make it weird? There were after all a lot of things Finn didn't understand. And who said "weird" was bad anyway? People said the glee club was weird.

'It is a little weird,' Puck insisted.

'And Kurt's gay. Like really gay,' Sam said. 'How do they work that one out?'

'I wonder what his name was before,' Sugar said.

'And, like, does he still have-'

'Hey!' Finn yelled as he stood up suddenly, startling everyone. 'Blaine's our friend. We shouldn't talk about him like this. And he actually looked pretty upset before. Why aren't we worrying about that?' Around him, a few people were looking ashamed, while others seemed more puzzled at Finn's outburst. Finn shook his head and rose from his seat, mumbling as he started towards the door, 'I'm gonna go help Kurt.'

Kurt had already gone from the hallway, so Finn spent a while looking for him as well asBlaine. Finally he found Kurt exiting the auditorium. Kurt immediately tensed at the sight of Finn. Defenses up again.

'Please, Finn,' he said, walking past. 'I can't do any more questions right now.'

'I wasn't going to ask,' Finn said truthfully. Kurt stopped and turned to regard him skeptically. Finn shrugged. 'I figure making sure he's okay is more important at the moment.'

'Oh. Thanks.' Kurt still looked wary, but seeming to recognize that Finn was serious, he breathed out, looking suddenly very tired. 'Actually it'd be great if you could drive me to his house. I don't think he's in the school anymore, and my car's at home.'

'Sure thing,' Finn said and, pushing away all the questions and concerns that were still nagging him, he put a hand on his brother's shoulder and led him towards the parking lot.

Kurt cursed out loud as yet another call went to voice-mail. He had lost count of how many times he had tried calling Blaine now.

'Still no luck?' Finn asked, stepping through Kurt's open bedroom door.

Kurt shook his head and flopped down on his bed where his History textbook was still open on the same page it had been an hour ago.

'I'm really sorry,' Finn said.

'You've said that.'

'I didn't mean to freak him out like that.'

Kurt sighed. 'Finn, it's fine. It's not like you're the one who outed him.'

Kurt looked back at his textbook, trying to find his place but realized he had forgotten everything he had read so far, so he ended up skipping back to the beginning of the chapter. Before he could start reading again though, he became aware that Finn was still hovering in the doorway, and he looked up.

'Yes?'

'I know I said I wouldn't ask questions-'

'Then don't.'

'Look, I'm not trying to pry, but it's kind of out there now, and-'

'Please, Finn,' Kurt said, getting up from his bed and waving Finn out of the room. 'I'm not ready to talk about this.'

'But-' Finn protested though he was backing away.

'Leave.' Kurt closed the door. 'Call me when dinner's ready.'

Kurt picked up the phone from the bed and called Blaine's number for what felt like the twentieth time, mouthing a quiet mantra of Pick up your phone, pick up your phone, pick up your phone.

When Blaine finally did pick up (an hour or so later), the conversation that followed was good for very little other than confirming for Kurt that Blaine really had been outed and there was no way back now. Kurt did his best to reassure Blaine, but his words sounded empty even to himself.

When Kurt had been called to dinner and they hung up, Kurt felt sudden tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away quickly and angrily. He had no business getting upset, when Blaine was hurting so much more. When he neededKurt.

Kurt was quiet throughout dinner, listening to his dad talk about Washington – normally such an interesting topic – with only half an ear. A million thoughts were whirling around his head, all centered around Blaine. The right thing to say. The right thing to do. How to handle school and friends and family. He felt like he was being faced with a surprise exam in a subject he was not remotely prepared for, and now he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing.

'...and well, we're not moving mountains or anything,' Kurt's dad was saying about some project or other he was working on. 'but a lot of rocks can go a long way too, right?'

'That's great, dear,' Carole said, patting her husband's arm. 'Though I must say we miss you during the week. It's great to have you back early this week. Right, boys?'

Neither Kurt nor Finn responded. Kurt glanced at Finn who was playing with the food on his plate. He didn't seem to have eaten a lot of it.

'Boys?'

Kurt forced a smile. 'Yeah, it's great.'

Kurt's dad and Carole exchanged a look.

'Something happen at school today?' his dad asked.

Kurt forced casual shrug. 'No, everything's fine.'

'Actually...' Finn began, and Kurt's eyes snapped to Finn, knowing just by his tone, the slight hesitancy, where Finn was going. 'Something did happen.'

'Finn. Don't,' Kurt said, warning in his voice.

When Finn caught Kurt's eye, he looked torn for a moment, but then he looked back at the adults and pressed on, 'It's about Blaine.'

'Finn, shut up.'

'I'm sorry, Kurt, but you won't talk about it.'

'Because this isn't my issue to talk about,' Kurt said through gritted teeth.

'You're dating him,' Finn argued. 'They deserve to know.'

'Excuse me?' Kurt put down his fork and knife with a loud clatter, making everyone at the table jump. 'It's none of anyone's business. Just because some idiot decided to blab to the whole school doesn't make it anymore so.'

'Kurt, calm down,' his dad said gently. 'Whatever it is, it sounds like we run a risk of finding out anyway if the whole school knows.'

He and Blaine had discussed telling Kurt's family at some point, but this was not how either of them had wanted it to happen. Kurt had not discussed it with Blaine, nor was he at all prepared for it, so he simply shook his head at his dad's words.

'What is it, Finn?' his dad prompted Finn, when it became clear that Kurt wasn't going to spill.

'Well...' Finn eyed Kurt nervously. 'It somehow got out that Blaine's actually a girl.'

'No, he's not,' Kurt said before anyone had the chance to react. He turned to his dad. 'He's transgender.'

Kurt's dad frowned. 'What, so he wants to be a girl?'

Kurt sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. 'No, Dad. Other way around.'

His dad looked at him for a few long seconds, seemingly trying to work out what Kurt was telling him. Then his eyes grew huge, and his mouth fell open. 'No. Really? Are you sure?'

Kurt almost smiled. 'Yeah, Dad. I'm sure.'

'But he looks so...normal.'

'Dad!' Kurt exclaimed, scandalized. 'He is normal.'

Kurt's dad looked to Carole, but her mouth open and closed wordlessly, seemingly too stunned for words. After a moment or two of silent communication, Kurt's dad looked back across the table.

'And you're okay with this?'

'Yes,' Kurt said simply.

'Are you sure you've thought this through properly though?' His dad seemed to be struggling with a thought. 'I mean, you're supposed to be gay and the last time you tried not to be, with that cheerleader from your glee club-'

'Oh my god, Dad, this is not even remotely the same thing,' Kurt said, trying hard not to get angry. He had to remind himself that his dad meant well and that he was simply uninformed. 'I am gay. Blaine is a boy.'

The room was silent for a few long moments as Kurt's dad seemed to digest Kurt's words. Kurt's heart was hammering painfully in his chest, and he had completely lost his appetite. As much as Kurt was not going to take anyone's crap and did not carewhat they thought, he also kind of... did. He really needed his dad to be okay with this.

'What about what this means for you?' Kurt stared blankly at his dad, because what about it? This wasn't about him. 'Okay, look. I've nothing against the kid. I'm sure Blaine is a lovely person, I'm just-'

'He is. You've met him, remember? You make him call you Burt.' Kurt glared around at his family. Finn looking guilty. Carole looking bewildered. His dad looking concerned. Kurt huffed out a noise of exasperation before standing up. 'You know what, I can't listen to this. I'm dating him and that's that. You don't get any say in it.'

'I wasn't-' his dad began, but Kurt had lost his patience somewhere around "cheerleader" and wasn't hearing it.

'I'll be in my room.'

The next day Kurt awoke to a message from Blaine, telling him that he wouldn't be coming to school that day, that his mother was staying home with him. Kurt was relieved that for once Blaine's mother was putting her son before her job, but on the other hand it worried Kurt that Blaine wasn't just coming to school like usual. He was afraid that the bigger a deal Blaine made out of the whole thing, the more the general population of McKinley would see that as a sign of weakness and pounce on it. If Blaine held his head high, people were less likely to pick on him.

When Kurt entered the kitchen half an hour later, showered and dressed, he found his dad there, suspiciously alone. Usually Finn or Carole, if not both of them, would be there by this time. Kurt rather felt like he had walked into an ambush.

'We need to talk,' his dad said.

'No. We don't, Dad,' Kurt said, before striding past his dad to the fridge.

'Yes, I really think we do.'

Kurt was checking the contents of fridge, trying to decide on breakfast, and he didn't look up when he responded. 'I already said everything I was gonna say.'

'Well, I didn't 'cause you didn't let me finish.'

Kurt slammed the fridge shut and rounded on his dad. 'Please, can we not do the intervention thing right now?' Kurt was tired and anxious about the day ahead, and he still hadn't spoken properly to Blaine about all this.

'Will you stop being so damned defensive? I'm not trying to tell you what to do here.'

Kurt reached into the cupboard for the cereal box, finding that he didn't really have the energy for anything more complicated. He glanced skeptically at his dad. 'Then what?'

'I'm just trying to understand. I don't really know what this all means.'

Kurt raised an eyebrow. 'It doesn't "mean" anything. He's just a boy who happens to be transgender.'

'You can't really think it's that simple,' his dad said, watching from the same spot as Kurt went about grabbing milk, a bowl and a spoon.

'It is that simple.'

'Really?' his dad said doubtfully, sitting down across from Kurt. 'So there's been no issues to sort out whatsoever? You're just like any other couple?'

Kurt thought of Blaine's issues with sex, with trust and being open about things. He thought of Blaine's occasional bad days when he would be moodier than usual. He thought of the back aches Blaine's binder gave him, and how Blaine had confessed to regularly wearing two of them when his mood or a particular outfit called for it. He thought of Blaine telling him back in November that he would rather have their friends think he cheated than have them know he was transgender. Then he shook his head a little as if it rid his mind of the thoughts. 'What's your point?'

'My point is that I know you care about Blaine, and I do to – we all do – but he's not your responsibility, and you're not obligated to date him.'

'What?'

'I just mean that it's okay to think about what's best for you.'

Kurt stared at his dad. 'Blaine is what's best for me.'

'I know you think that, but you're young and...' Kurt pushed away the bowl in front of him, suddenly nauseous. 'Listen, I don't know a whole lot about this. In fact I only know what I was able to gather from an hour online last night, but the things I read were... If you just think about this rationally-'

'I don't need to.'

Kurt's dad smiled indulgently. 'Because your heart tells you all you need to know?'

Kurt swallowed down a spiteful response to what he thought was a rather patronizing remark and instead muttered a stiff, 'Something like that.'

'Look, Kurt. I'm really not going to tell you what to do. I'm not. I figure you'll be nineteen in a few months and well, you gotta do what you gotta do.' His dad stood and walked around the table to stand next to Kurt who eyed him warily. 'But I can still offer advice, and I just want you to make sure that you've thought this through, because being with someone like Blaine is not without consequences, you have to realize that. Especially as you get older.'

Kurt was on his feet in seconds, cheeks burning in anger. '"Someone like Blaine"?'

'Kurt-'

'Wow, make him sound a bit more like a freak, why don't you, cause that sentence didn't quite cut it.'

'Kurt, please. Work with me here,' his dad said with the air of someone who knew he had made a mistake and was trying to regain control of the situation. 'I'm on your side.'

'Really?' Kurt folded his arms across his chest. 'Cause it sounds to me like you're uncomfortable with the whole thing, so you're looking for reasons I should dump him without having to say so.'

'Hey now, when have I ever played that game with you?' Kurt avoided his dad's eye as the latter stepped forward and put a calming hand on Kurt's shoulder, waiting until Kurt relented and lifted his gaze. 'You and me, we've always been honest with each other, right?'

'I know, I'm sorry.' Kurt sighed and unfolded his arms. 'I'm just...protective. And I get that you guys have questions, and that's fine I guess, but I just can't answer them all right now. Not until I've talked things through with Blaine.'

'Okay,' his dad said, nodding his acceptance.

Kurt gave a nod of his own before moving towards the hall. 'I have to get ready for school. But' – He turned in the doorway – 'for what it's worth, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about "consequences" or anything. Blaine's all that matters.'

For a moment Kurt's dad looked like he had more to say, but then he simply threw his hands up in surrender. 'Whatever you say.'

If there had been a question about whether or not the general population of McKinley cared about the revelation that Blaine Anderson was "really a girl", it was answered the moment Kurt stepped through the doors that morning. Curious heads turned to look his way, and some idiot shouted across the hall, 'Hey, Hummel! Where's your girlfriend?' to the amusement of the people around him.

Kurt ignored them and held his head high as he made his way to his locker. He had just finished gathering his things and was slamming the locker shut, when he caught sight of Mike heading towards him. The two of them didn't usually socialize in the halls, so Kurt had no trouble guessing what Mike wanted, even when Mike didn't seem to know how to start the conversation.

'Blaine's not coming to school today,' Kurt said, answering the unasked question.

Mike nodded, digesting this information for a few seconds before blurting out, 'Is he okay? Cause, like, I wanted to call him last night, but then I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to make things worse. But the way he ran out yesterday, he just seemed so...'

'Not okay?' Kurt finished for him.

'Yeah.'

'I honestly don't know.' Kurt leaned against his locker. 'I mean, I know he's freaked out, but I hoped he'd come to school today and just get it over with, but...'

'Should I call him?' Mike asked, worry in his eyes. 'Tell him- I don't know...' He trailed off, uncertain.

'I don't know, I think... I think he just needs space right now, you know?' Mike nodded. 'But I'll tell him you asked about him.'

'Okay, thanks.' Mike made to leave, but only turned half away before turning back again, and Kurt could see him trying to put a thought into words. 'I don't really know much, or anything really, about being...being trans. But he's my friend, and the least I can do is to try and understand, right?'

'You're a good friend, Mike,' Kurt said, smiling as some of the – unrecognized but still there – "Are our friends going to be okay with this?"worry was lifted off his shoulders. The bell rang and they were about to part for different classes, when Kurt turned back. 'Actually can you do me a favor?'

'Sure.'

'I'm skipping glee today and going to Blaine's, but can you pass on the message to the others that he needs space, and to not bother him until he wants to be bothered?' Kurt dared a small smile, trying to lighten the mood, although for whose benefit he wasn't sure. 'And we definitely don't need a "We support you" serenade. You can look straight at Rachel for that one.'

Kurt and Blaine hadn't discussed any of this directly, but judging by the incident with Finn the day before, Kurt rather felt he was right to insist that Blaine should see his friends again on his own terms only. Kurt just hoped that Blaine would at least want to see him.

When Kurt rang the doorbell at Blaine's house that afternoon, he waited anxiously for a few moments before the door was opened by Mrs. Anderson, whose quick smile as she invited Kurt in did little to mask the worry in her eyes.

'How is he?' Kurt asked when he had hung his coat and pulled off his shoes.

'Sleeping right now, I think.' Mrs. Anderson hugged her arms around herself, looking so different from the put-together state Kurt usually saw her in. 'He's been drifting in and out all day, and every now and then he jerks awake suddenly. He doesn't say, but I think he has nightmares.' Mrs. Anderson quieted, biting her lip lightly as though afraid that she had said too much. She gestured towards the living room. 'He's in here.'

Kurt followed Mrs. Anderson into the living room, where Blaine was lying on the couch, sleeping underneath a thick blanket. His hair was curly and ungelled and, from what Kurt could see, he was wearing the kind of clothes he might have worn to bed.

'He looks so young,' Kurt said as he sat in the armchair indicated for him.

'It's the hair, isn't it?' Mrs. Anderson, taking the chair next to Kurt's, her eyes on Blaine as she spoke. 'I can't even remember the last time I saw it like this. It's how I knew something was wrong this morning before he told me.'

Kurt glanced at Mrs. Anderson. She was usually so business-like in her demeanor, and despite the fact that Kurt only really knew her as Blaine's mother, he sometimes forgot that "Head of department" was not her only job title. But the way she was looking at Blaine now truly brought home the fact that she was in fact a mom. That Blaine was her son.

And as Kurt looked from her to Blaine again he saw what she was so concerned about, because while Blaine might be sleeping, he did not actually look relaxed at all. His legs were pulled up a little, and his hands were clutching the blanket as though to keep someone from taking it. His eyes were shut almost too tight, his features too tense, and his breathing was shallow.

'Has he said anything about what he wants to do on Monday when he goes back?' Kurt asked, glancing briefly at Mrs. Anderson.

She shook her head in response. 'If he goes back at all.'

'What do you mean?' Kurt asked a little more sharply than he meant to, his full attention on her now.

'I've told him we're not going to force him.'

'So, what? Dalton?'

'It's an option.' She paused. 'Or somewhere else entirely. He could stay with my sister in Colorado.'

Kurt stared. 'Colo- Isn't that a bit...'

'But nothing's been decided yet.' She sighed. 'He's just so scared right now. And I'm scared for him too to be honest.'

'People will get over it,' Kurt said with more certainty than he felt. 'And he has the glee club. They may ask some awkward questions at first, but they'll accept him, I know they will.'

'That's not what I'm worried about. Not really.'

'Then what?'

Mrs. Anderson turned around towards Kurt, looking thoughtfully into space for a few moments before her gaze settled on Kurt. 'How much has he told you? About his school in Columbus?'

Kurt wasn't sure where Mrs. Anderson was going, but a feeling of unease crept into his stomach at her words, and he replied as casually as he could. 'I know he was bullied a lot, that they thought he was a freak.'

'And you know how it ended?'

Kurt swallowed. 'The Sadie Hawkins dance.'

'What has he told you about that?'

'Not a lot,' Kurt said, his attempt at a shrug failing as his muscles tensed in anticipation.

'No details about what happened during or after?'

Kurt merely shook his head.

Mrs. Anderson regarded him for a long moment, and Kurt got the sense that she was trying to decide how much to tell him. Kurt found himself both hoping for and fearing "everything." When she stood up, Kurt thought she was about to leave, but she simply walked over to the window at the other end of the room. It was another long moment of her just standing there and looking out at the street before she spoke, still turned away from Kurt.

'There was a time before Blaine came out to us when...he wasn't happy. I think John and I did know in some way, but then we didn't want to know, and he wasn't complaining, you know? And the horrible truth is that you get used to it, the way his smile would never quite reach his eyes, and you start to believe that this is normal.'

As Mrs. Anderson turned around, her eyes fell on her son's sleeping form.

'My Blaine, he puts up such a good front, I think even he believed it sometimes.' She smiled a sad sort of smile. 'When he came out, it was hard for a while, yes, but once we'd all had time to adjust and settle in, it was- I mean, the difference in him. You wouldn't think it with all the bullying he got, but those first six months of high school was the happiest we'd seen him since... since he was a toddler probably. It was like...watching him come alive again. He didn't like the way people treated him obviously, but he never let it get to him, not really. He was just...Blaine for the first time, you know?'

She looked over at Kurt for the first time since beginning to speak, and Kurt nodded. He still wasn't quite certain what Mrs. Anderson's point was, but he resisted saying so, interested to hear more about a past that Blaine didn't speak about much – not, Kurt suspected, out of shame or secrecy, but for the same reason that Kurt preferred not to talk about some of the darker moments from his own career as a bully victim. Because it was too hard to.

'But that night...' Mrs. Anderson began, a dark look crossing her features. She turned and shut the curtains in front of the window in two quick motions, shutting out the darkening street, and the look on her face when she turned back was tired and heartbroken. 'They broke his spirit that night.'

Kurt watched silently as Mrs. Anderson crossed the room again and perched on the coffee table directly in front of Kurt, looking at him when she spoke.

'Those guys didn't just rough him up a bit, it wasn't just some prank gone a bit too far. When his dad and I saw him in the hospital that night, I- I've never seen anything like it. You can't know – and I hope you'll never have to know – what it's like to see your child like that. His face unrecognizable from all the swelling. Cuts and bruises everywhere. More broken bones than I care to count. He didn't wake up at all for the better part of a day, and then when he did, they had to move him to a private room because he kept waking up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying.'

Kurt's eyes were watering and he stifled a quiet sob against his hand. He didn't know exactly what he had imagined when Blaine said that he had gotten "the living crap" beaten out of him, but it certainly wasn't what his mother had just described. Kurt had trouble comprehending the kind of hate it must have taken someone to do that, and to a fourteen-year-old kid – a child basically. It seemed so far from anything Kurt had ever known or experienced. It was the kind of thing that belonged in movies or stories, not real life. Not his Blaine.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something (though he had yet to decide what), but was distracted by sudden stirring from Blaine on the couch. Blaine's head was moving quickly from side to side and faint whimpering broke the quiet of the living room.

Kurt instinctively moved forward to kneel on the floor in front of the couch, a hand touching Blaine's shoulder gently, seeking to soothe him.

'Blaine, honey, you're dreaming,' Kurt said, when Blaine continued to thrash, and finally with a sharp intake of breath, Blaine woke, his eyes flying open, wide and scared. Kurt caressed his face and spoke softly, 'It's alright, I've got you.'

Blaine blinked. 'Kurt? You're here?'

'Yes, I'm here, you dummy,' he said, half laughing, half crying. 'What did you expect?'

Blaine let out a long breath that seemed to calm his entire body. The muscles in his face relaxed, his face opening up even as his eyes closed, long lashes fanning his cheeks. Maybe it was Blaine's sudden vulnerability or maybe it was the things his mother had just told him, but for a moment as Kurt wiped a stray tear from Blaine's cheek, grateful that Blaine couldn't see Kurt's, he felt as though he was comforting a much younger Blaine, and he wished he could go back three years and tell Blaine how very loved he was going to be one day.

Blaine opened his eyes again, sniffling a little. 'I'm sorry for being such a weak mess. I don't mean to fall apart.'

'Hey. You are not weak,' Kurt told him firmly. 'And you'll get through this, I promise. You're gonna be okay.'

Blaine smiled weakly. 'Why do I believe you when you say that?'

Kurt returned the smile. 'Because I'm always right?'

Blaine snorted into the couch, and Kurt let out a short breath of laughter of his own. Silence fell between them, and their hands seemed to find each other of their own accord, not squeezing or stroking but simply holding, like a steady promise. Eventually Blaine's eyes closed again, and before long his breathing slowed into the deep, steady rhythm of relaxed sleep.

'It's amazing how you do that,' Mrs. Anderson said behind Kurt who turned, a little startled. He had almost forgotten that she was there. 'He hasn't looked more peaceful all day. He's lucky to have you.'

Kurt blushed. It felt odd to be complimented like this by Blaine's mother of all people who until recently he hadn't really interacted with beyond "hello" and "goodbye" and who frankly Kurt hadn't even liked a lot of the time.

'We should probably leave him to get some proper sleep,' Mrs. Anderson said, standing up, and Kurt followed suit. 'Let's go into the kitchen.'

Kurt followed Mrs. Anderson into the kitchen, watching uncertainly from the door as she began making coffee, suddenly much more brisk and closer to how Kurt was used to seeing her as though something had brought her out of the moment and she was realizing that getting emotional in front of her son's eighteen-year-old boyfriend was entirely inappropriate.

'Uhm, do you... I mean, was there more? To the story,' Kurt said. As affecting as Mrs. Anderson's words had been, Kurt rather felt like the point was still waiting somewhere around the corner.

Mrs. Anderson, back turned to Kurt, stilled and braced herself against the kitchen counter, sighing. 'Yes, sorry. It's just- bad memories. I don't think I've ever been more scared than I was that night.'

'You don't have to tell me,' Kurt said quickly. There was something a little frightening about seeing a grownup, an authority figure, this vulnerable.

'No, it's fine, you need to know this.' Mrs. Anderson took a deep breath, gathering herself, before turning and facing Kurt again. 'And in case I wasn't sure, that in there' – She gestured towards the living room – 'just proved it.'

Kurt wasn't sure what she was getting at, but he didn't ask, choosing to let her get to the point in her own time.

'Anyway,' Mrs. Anderson continued. 'The cuts healed and the bones mended. Even the nightmares stopped eventually. But he never went back to being the boy he was before.'

'How do you mean?'

'It's hard to explain...' She trailed off, using the moment to grab the finished coffee and two cups, raising one at Kurt in question. Kurt nodded and moved to meet her on the other side of the kitchen island. 'He started being...' She searched for words again as she poured two cups. 'Like with everything he did, he was apologizing for existing. Maybe that's a harsh way of putting it, but it's a far cry from how proud he was before. It's like he got more and more...controlled. In ways a fifteen-year-old shouldn't be. Does that make sense?'

'And you think he's still like that?' Kurt said, doubt in his voice, but even as he did, words and images from the last three months of his and Blaine's relationship flooded his mind, and he knew she was right. I can't deal with everyone knowing. A Blaine who uttered those words like it was his worst fear.A Blaine that had seen ghosts the week after coming out to Kurt, because he wouldn't let himself believe that Kurt was really still by his side. A Blaine who would use words like gross and freak and wrong to describe himself.

'You've only known him like this, so maybe you don't see it, and I'm not trying to convince you that there's anything wrong with him. He is who he is, and we deal with that.'

'I didn't- I mean, I always knew that he could be a bit...hard...on himself, but I thought it was just the dysphoria.' Kurt swallowed thickly, and he clutched his coffee cup tighter to keep his hands from shaking. 'I didn't know someone made him like that.'

Kurt reeled from the realization that this wasn't just the way things were. That something had been stolen from Blaine. That someone had managed to convince Blaine that he was somehow less, when, really, he was so, so much. It was heartbreaking to know that Blaine didn't realize that.

Mrs. Anderson watched him with a pained look on her face. 'I'm sorry, Kurt. Maybe I shouldn't have told you.'

Kurt wiped a tear from his cheek. 'No, it's good. I think I needed to understand.'

'Do you see now why I'm scared for him? The first time he was out to a whole school, it didn't just end badly – it changed him, whether he realizes it or not. Right now he's not just freaked out because he was stealth and well, it would be easier of people didn't know.'

Kurt stared at a coffee stain on the counter, feeling guilty for the small, secret part of him that had been thinking that Blaine just needed to get over it and face it like a grownup.

'Whatever he ends up deciding to do,' Mrs. Anderson continued. 'I think it's important that you understand that. That you won't be disappointed or think he's a coward if he says he needs to start over at a different school.'

'I wouldn't,' Kurt said immediately, even though he knew he had expressed just that when Mrs. Anderson had mentioned Colorado.

'I hope he doesn't. I hope he can go back there. But if he can't you deserve to know where the decision is coming from, and I'm not sure he'll want or even be able to explain it himself. But I know he would want you to understand, which is why I've been talking your ear off for the past fifteen minutes.'

'Thank you for telling me,' Kurt said, and the two of them shared a faint smile.

'You're welcome,' she said. 'And if he does decide to face school on Monday...'

'Then I'll know what that means to him.'

Kurt spent the next hour or two with Mrs. Anderson in the kitchen. She was determined to have a proper, home-cooked meal on the table for Blaine that night, but admitted that she had no idea where to start. Luckily Kurt considered himself quite adept in a kitchen and didn't mind giving her a few pointers, nor did he mind when he ended up doing most of the work.

It was odd and awkward at first hanging out with Blaine's mother so casually and without Blaine there, but the more time Kurt spent with her, the more he found that he liked the woman. Unlike Blaine, she wasn't an obvious warm personality, but then neither was Kurt except when it came to a select few people, so Kurt thought he could understand that. It didn't mean that nothing was there.

Dinner was nearly ready and they were just discussing whether or not to wake Blaine, when he showed up in the doorway by himself, wearing an adorable bedhead and looking like someone who had just woken from a much-needed nap.

'That smells w-wonderful,' he said as he stifled a yawn, looking from the pots and pans to his mother. 'Did you do this?'

She nodded proudly before catching herself and smiling at Kurt. 'Well... I may have had some help.'

'Only a little,' Kurt said, winking at her as her walked over to Blaine.

'Wow, did you two, like, bond while I was asleep or something?' Blaine asked, looking mildly horrified, but Kurt just grinned.

'Maybe,' he said mysteriously before stealing a kiss from Blaine's lips and twirling away to pick up the plates and cutlery Mrs. Anderson had set out. Kurt was perhaps overdoing the cheer a little, but he figured it was better than behaving like someone had died and Blaine actually looked okay at the moment. The nap really seemed to have done him some good.

'I made a decision,' Blaine said. Freezing in the act of setting the table, Kurt looked up, and by the stove Mrs. Anderson had paused as well. 'On Monday I'm...I'm going back there. I'm going to face it. I need to. I'm not going to run.'

Silence filled the room as everyone took in the meaning of Blaine's words. Blaine himself looked calm and determined, but Kurt also noticed the clenched fists and the wideness of his eyes, quiet terror apparent. Kurt thought of everything Blaine's mother had told him today. Of Blaine hospitalized and marked for life for the simple act of being himself. Of what was taken from Blaine that night. And he thought - who the hell wouldn't be terrified?

He pulled Blaine into a tight hug, offering strength and finding himself awed by the amount Blaine was showing already by choosing to do this, and the thought occurred to Kurt then that if this pride or sense of self-worth was really something that had been stolen from Blaine, then maybe, maybe, that meant that there was a way for him to steal it back.