Just Friends?

Just as quickly as Blaine is pulling me in for the hug, I'm pulling out of it. I need to keep my wits about me, and while it feels good to be in his embrace, I could easily get distracted.

“I'm so sorry,” we both begin to say, at almost the exact time. Blaine holds a finger up, gesturing for me to be quiet, and he starts talking.

            “Kurt, I truly apologize for the way I've been treating you. It isn't right. I really haven't known what to say, but that's no excuse. Even with all the awkward, we're best friends, which means we have to fight for each other. No matter how uncomfortable the situation might be. If you would prefer we continue to keep our distance-

            “No. I certainly don't” I interrupt him, because that's the last thing I would want. Being away from Blaine, no matter what the circumstances, would hurt. “I completely forgive you, too. It's my fault really. I shouldn't have told you that, or thrown myself on you, and been such a mess. I'm kind of in not the best place right now,” I finish, ducking my head. I feel vulnerable and suddenly like maybe talking with Blaine isn't such a good idea. I might make things worse, by saying the wrong thing.

            I look up to see him shaking his head at my words. “Kurt, no. This is not your fault at all. You should have the right to be honest with your friend without them freaking out. Not that I freaked out. I was just surprised.”

            Blaine rambles nervously, and bites his lip, looking a little uncertain as well, but adorably so. “Stop it,” I chastise myself, trying to think very platonic thoughts. No more using adorable to describe Blaine.

            “It's understandable. I wasn't supposed to develop a crush on you, I'm supposed to be just your friend.”

            Blaine looks like he wants to say something at this, but doesn't. So I continue. “What if we just agree from here on out, that we keep a little more space, until we feel comfortable again? And no more touching, unless it's in a neutral way. I just… I don't think I can be like we were before, at least not right now.”

            Blaine agrees with me, willingly. In reality, I would love it if Blaine and I could be like that, but it's obvious he doesn't like me back, and I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

            From here, we decide to go our separate ways, promising to go out for coffee the next afternoon, when I know Sebastian won't be working at the Lima Bean. Just as Blaine turns to go, Nick comes strolling in, but he doesn't look particularly happy.

            “Glad you finally swallowed your stupid pride,” he spits out, giving Blaine a disgusted look.

            Blaine looks down at his shoes; his mood suddenly somber and I know that something's going on between these two. Nick makes a few more rude and abrasive comments as Blaine shuffles out the door, before turning to me and saying, “Please don't tell me you forgave that jerk.”

            My timid smile gives me away. “You did, didn't you? Of course you did.” Nick sighs, exasperated. “He doesn't deserve your kindness you know,” he mutters, but then drops the matter, only saying he hopes it at least makes me feel better. I assure him that is does, but he doesn't respond. I decide not to question his behavior- I've had enough drama for a lifetime.

~~~~~~~~

“So the Cooper Anderson is your brother?” Kurt exclaims excitedly.

 Kurt's phone rings while we were enjoying our coffee and I nearly choke on my medium drip when I hear the familiar jingle. When I finally finish coughing, I ask Kurt if that was the Free Credit Rating Today jingle, and he blushes, happily saying it was. And then he drops the bomb.

“I've kind of always had a bit of a crush on the guy who sings it. He's just dreamy, don't you think? How can you not.” Kurt says this with a small grin on his face.

            “Well I certainly don't agree.” His smile turns into a frown, and then I add “but that might be because he's my older brother.”

            The shock on Kurt's face is beyond compare and I laugh good heartedly. “No, you can't be- for real?” Kurt practically squeals.

            “Oh, but if only I was lying. Cooper Anderson might be beautiful on TV, but in real life he's just a pain in the ass.”

            Kurt doesn't seem nearly as startled with this statement, he just continues to stare at me dumbfounded. Finally, it seems as though he's recovered his vocal chords. “So the Cooper Anderson is your brother?” Kurt exclaims excitedly.

            “Yes, I believe we've established that,” I tease. Kurt giggles and then begins begging me to introduce him. He claims that he'll turn Cooper gay “He is straight, isn't he Blaine?” I confirm. He continues on, saying that he will make Cooper gay no matter how hard.

            “Good luck with that, Cooper is a huge chick magnet, and he definitely takes advantage of it.” Kurt just scoffs at this information, assuring me that this really doesn't matter. He continues on for the rest of the coffee date telling me about how with this wonderful, new connection, he and Cooper will be happily wed in no time. It's when he says this, that I experience my first moment of jealousy. Which is ridiculous. I don't like Kurt in that way, right? I thought I'd gotten over that. I shake the feelings of envy off and I realize Kurt has stopped talking. He's giving me a quizzical look, but I try to give him a confident smile.

            It must work, because he's smiling again, and asking if I'm ready to head back to Dalton. I agree, and go to grab his hand to lead him out, which was a common custom between us, but I have to stop myself short. I shoot him an apologetic smile, but he doesn't see it, because his gaze is downward.

            Deciding to screw the rules, I lift his face up with the palm of my hand. “Hey, if you don't want to follow the new boundaries, we don't have to. I just want you to be happy.”

            He looks me in the eyes and says with certainly that he doesn't mind. We then proceed out of the small coffee shop, a little bit of awkward hanging in the air, but not enough to really do any damage.

            I can't help but wonder though, how long until we go back to normal?

~~~~~~~~~

            “Nick,” I address him directly as I enter our shared room. “We need to talk.”

            His behavior towards Blaine the past few days have been less than friendly, and borderline mean. I know that Nick is generally a kind-hearted guy, so there must be a reason for this. I tried talking to Jeff about it, but his lips are sealed and I'm pretty sure there's something he's not telling me.

            “What about?” He says, turning to me, seemingly innocent.

            “You've been kind of awful to Blaine lately, and I was wondering why. Did he do something to you?”

            Nick lets out a cold laugh and responds roughly. “Yeah, you could say that. I don't like it when people mess with my friends and treat them wrong. I know you've forgiven Blaine, and that's all great, but someone evidently needs to look out for you! That guy is bad news, Kurt. Ever since he showed up, he's just made you're life more complicated. Haven't you noticed?”

            “I guess so, but I don't think it's so bad.”

            “Of course you don't, because you're in love with him. Which is sweet, because you're so kind and caring. You have such a warm heart, and he doesn't deserve it. I watched you suffer those two weeks Kurt, and he didn't even bother apologizing to you until- just, never mind.”

            Nick looks bothered, and I can't help but wonder what he was going to say. I prod him to go on.

            “Before Blaine came to apologize, I visited him first. I went in to his room and chewed him out, rather aggressively, but with honesty. He must have taken it to heart, because not fifteen minutes later, I come up here and you've forgiven him. Which at first, I thought was a good thing. But then it hit me. Would he have apologized to you, ever, if I hadn't given him a reality check? I think he would have, I really do. But you deserve someone who puts you first, Kurt. And I just don't know if Blaine is that guy.”

            It's a lot to think about, so I stat quiet as I move to sit on the bed with Nick. He looks up at me with a sadness in his eyes, and I can tell this all comes from a place of caring, so I can't really be that mad with him.

            “Thank you for standing up for me, and thinking of my best interests. It's nice to know I have someone to depend on. But with this one, my heart might just need to end up broken.”

            As I say this, I realize the truth of it. Even though can't have Blaine, it's better not to dwell on it. The best way to deal with the love I feel for him isn't to ignore it, it's to let it be. Maybe it will go away in time, or maybe I'll end up heartbroken, but that's okay.  “I'd rather have Blaine as a friend, it's better than nothing.” I say this last bit out loud.

            Nick gives me a firm, determined look, and I can tell he's thinking hard. Finally, he says, “It seems like you know what you're doing. But I'm on the record, Blaine could be dangerous.”

            I give him a pat on the back and tell him not to lose any sleep over it, because at the moment, we really are completely platonic. He gives me a hug and I feel happy that we were able to talk it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that Nick and Blaine are being civil (the change mainly on Nick's end), almost all the tension is gone from Warbler rehearsals. I say almost, because I'm still deterred from losing my position as lead vocalist for the Warblers. Miraculously, I've managed to keep my lead in the duet with Blaine, but in every audition and practice I feel as though I have to work ten times harder than before. But I'm determined to not let it affect my relationship with Blaine, because really, you can't blame the guy for being talented. You can only blame yourself for not working hard enough.

            Blaine and I have been feverishly practicing our duet everyday, and I'm waiting for him now, to begin our regular afternoon practice. He's running fairly late though, and I'm about to call him, because really, Dalton isn't that big, how can it take someone this long to walk 500 feet? But then he turns the corner, smiling his infectious grin and holding two cupcakes. “Hello!” he greets me cheerfully, and I give him a suspicious look.

            “What's with the cupcakes?” I ask uncertainly, because they look like a whole lot of carbs.

            “Cupcakes are a delicious treat, that everyone should enjoy,” Blaine says matter-of-factly.

            I quickly realize this is exactly what I thought it was: another attempt to try and get me to break my new diet. It's not to lose weight; really, it's for my dad. He says no one can eat healthy, happily, like I want him too, so I'm proving that you can. So far, he's doing alright. After his heart attack, I'm willing to do whatever I can to keep him healthy and safe.

            I've explained this to Blaine, and at first he was very support and understanding. But when he began to realize that a) I would no longer participate in our junk food and movie nights or eating pizza and b) that I was encouraging him to join me, he didn't take it so well.

            It's been his mission the past week to get me to crack, and finally eat something unhealthy. I can be extremely stubborn.

            But so can he.

            Which leads us to the present, where Blaine sits in front of me, eating his food as though it is a tool of seduction, not a cupcake.

            “See Kurt, look at how good cupcakes are. Don't you just want to eat one bite?” I shake my head and laugh at him. His eating method is resulting in chocolate frosting and crumbs covering his whole face. He's finished his cupcake in almost record time, and is now waving the treat meant for me in my face. I ignore him and instead comment on the mess his face is in. “You seriously need to get a napkin or something. You look like a two year old Blaine.”

            He just laughs and attempts to wipe it off, but fails. He pouts, and then turns to me. I see the puppy dog eyes come out and I can feel them already working. Great, just what I needed. If there's one thing I can hardly resist, it's those damn puppy dog eyes. But instead of begging me to eat the cupcake, he pleads for me to clean his face for him.

            “You've got to be kidding me. You're a grown teenage boy,” I tell him, but he doesn't waiver. And of course, I give in.

            Next thing I know, I'm wiping frosting from Blaine's face, which is surprisingly intimate, and I'm almost regretting it, until I feel something being smashed into my mouth. Forcefully at that. And then I taste chocolate.

            Once I've managed to swallow, I yell “Blaine Anderson! How dare you!” Not only is there chocolate all over me, he also has tricked me into eating junk food.

            I try to be furious at him, but he's laughing sweetly, and I can't help but join in. But I do decide to take a little revenge, by smashing the rest of the cupcake in his face. We are both a giggling mess at this point, and I collapse on to the floor. Blaine does the same.

            “I'm sorry, but I just couldn't help myself. I really wanted to win this battle. And I did! So all is good.”

            I mock glare at him, but I know it's all in good humor. “How about we go and get ourselves cleaned up before practicing? I can only imagine that frosting isn't good for my skin.”

            We help each other up, and then head to my dorm room, since it's closest. Although it's a tight fit, we both squeeze into the bathroom. As finish washing my face, I notice a big chunk of frosting on the back of Blaine's uniform. I use my washcloth to wipe it off, but then Blaine turns around. He stumbles, grabbing my waist in one hand, and my own hand in the other, for balance. And he's suddenly right there. His face is barely an inch from mine, and I hold my breath as my gaze goes straight to his lips. And his to mine.

            We are both leaning in, when I hear Nick entering the room. Quickly, and a bit bashfully, we both turn away, acting like it never happened.

~~~~~~~~~~

            The rest of the day goes smoothly, and it's almost like the moment in the bathroom never happened. Almost. Now, my heart beats even faster every time Blaine gets close, and I can't help but wonder what would have happened if we had kissed.

            But the better question is, what does this all mean?

            I can't even to think of an answer.