Blaine was back at home later that night. There had been a quite heated argument between Kurt and Blaine’s doctor but Blaine was finally home. The house was lovingly decorated for Blaine by the kids with the help of Sebastian and it was a happy moment for everyone. They had talked, joked, played and did other stuff they once did as a family.

When Blaine finally beat himself out, Kurt had brought him to their bedroom and his husband had been napping since. Kurt sat quietly on the bed, careful not to wake Blaine and simply watching him. Blaine lay on his back, eyes closed, head tilted to his left facing the window. Kurt took a stuttering breath as he watched his husband sleeping. Blaine’s face remained pale and looked more fragile than before.

“Kurt…”

Kurt raised his head and saw Sebastian standing at the door. Kurt got up and gradually paced towards the man. He didn’t want any disturbance for Blaine. The younger man needed a lot of rest. The kids were well behaved and he was thankful for Sebastian’s presence.

“Dinner is ready. The kids were asking if you and Blaine would want to join us.” Sebastian simplified, smiling softly as Kurt reached him.

Kurt glanced at the bed. He didn’t want to rouse Blaine; his husband seemed so peaceful but he hated to disappoint his children too. They must have been waiting for their Papa and Daddy at the dining room with hopeful looks on their faces. It was silent for a while as nobody said a word but then there was movement coming from the bed.

Blaine stirred, somewhat awakened by the muffled voice. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times to clear his foggy mind. Every single inch of his body was in pain and he ached all over. He wanted to succumb into the darkness longer but he needed to spend time with his family while he still had the time. Once the haze was gone, he eventually noticed the other occupants in the room.  

“Hey…” Blaine greeted, voice still thick with sleep.

“Hey, boo.” Kurt beamed, quickly heading straight to the bed. Blaine had slept for too long and he was getting anxious. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you. How do you feel? You get enough rest?”

Blaine patted Kurt’s arm tenderly. “I’m fine, Kurt… never felt better.”

Kurt breathed, tangling both hands around Blaine’s. “Good to hear. Uh… Sebastian has made dinner. Let’s join the kids in the dining room, shall we?”

Blaine licked his lips, and his tongue was just as dry as the rest of him. “Gladly… but you go first. I’ll be there in a sec. I need to talk to Sebastian…”

Kurt didn’t move.

“Alone…”

Kurt was startled and unsure by the request. There was a slight look of hurt written on his face and it made Blaine feel guilty for entreating such a thing but he had something to discuss only with Sebastian. Kurt faintly nodded, and unwillingly left the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

“That was harsh. There’s no need to do that.”

Blaine sighed. “It has to be done. We need to talk… in private.”

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, making his way towards Blaine. “What’s up with you keeping secret from Kurt? First, it was about your disease and now—”

“I need you to do something for me.” Blaine swiftly interrupted, voice tight.

Sebastian frowned in a daze from Blaine’s slight rudeness.  “Sure, of course… anything you need, man.” He breathed, patting Blaine’s knee.

“Please… Please help Kurt with everything after I’m gone.” Blaine’s voice was low, a tone of resignation. “He will need somebody to help him sort everything out; with the kids and all… he isn’t used to being alone…”

“No! Damn it, Blaine! Don’t talk like that! It’s a total gibberish!” Sebastian snapped, glowering at the sick man on the bed. 

“We need to face the reality. We know this is coming and there’s nothing more we can do to stop it from happening.”

Sebastian shook his head repeatedly in denial. “You can’t die! What about the kids, huh? Think about them! You are their father for God’s sake!”

Blaine smiled sadly. “I can’t stop it even if I wanted to. The kids… they still have Kurt and they have you too, haven’t they?”

Sebastian began to tear up. “I can’t. Please don’t make me do this. I can’t replace you. I don’t want to be your… substitute.”

“Think about it this way… instead of replacing me, you are my doppelganger.” Blaine answered softly.

Sebastian laughed somberly. “We look nothing alike!” 

Blaine chuckled a little bit. “My point exactly. You’re not a replacement… more like… a support. Someone they could count on as a role model.”

Sebastian exhaled evenly, slowly accepting the fact of Blaine’s statement. “You are crazy, Anderson.”

“Anderson-Hummel.” Blaine corrected. Being Kurt’s husband, sharing their last name was one of the greatest moments in Blaine’s life. The moment they were pronounced husband and husband, he felt he was in heaven. Unfortunately, he was going to leave the name soon. It was hard for him to let go but like it or not, he had to.

“Got it.” Sebastian rolled his eyes like he was annoyed but truthfully, he wasn’t at all.

“My only regret is that… I… I’m afraid my kids won’t remember me… They are older now… they don’t need me so much…” Blaine bit down on his lips to stop it from trembling.

Sebastian placed a comforting hand on Blaine’s knee. “No matter how old they are, your children will always need you and they will never forget you… I’ll make sure of that. I’ll talk to them about you all the time if I have to. They probably would get irritated of me then.”

Blaine smiled but the smile was broken. It didn’t reach his eyes. There was no more joy in those beautiful eyes Sebastian once was gaga about. If he himself was desperate to see those eyes filled with happiness like they used to, he couldn’t comprehend how Kurt must have been feeling right now. Kurt was closer to Blaine, they were in love, they were with each other all the time, sharing their love, their lives together. It must have been a lot harder for Kurt to see Blaine like this.

“How are you feeling?” Sebastian asked with a concern voice.

Blaine chuckled slightly. “Oh God, you are turning into Kurt.”

Sebastian elatedly grinned. “What to do? Your family especially your amazing daughter and sons had made me soft.”

“I have never thought I would hear those words coming from you…”

“Me either.” Sebastian said. “But seriously, Blaine, how are you? Honestly answer me and don’t lie.”

Blaine grumbled, hating being pressed like that by Sebastian. He wasn’t in court and he definitely wasn’t a criminal. “I’m in pain… but I’ll manage.  It isn’t bad as much…”

“Do you want me to get the painkillers?”

Blaine shook his head, breathing calmly. “No, they make me drowsy. I wanna be able to spend time with my family, sober. I wanna enjoy every moment… live life with no regrets.”

Sebastian nodded, his expression showed understanding. Blaine relaxed, but then realization hit him. He still has unfinished business to do before it was too late for him to do so. “Could you um… uh, could you get my children for me?”

“Of course.” Sebastian replied without hesitation, walking out of the bedroom and left Blaine there alone, thinking.

With difficulty, Blaine pushed everything aside and flung his feet on the floor afterward. He then slowly got out of bed, pushing himself off the mattress with all his might. His intention was to go to the balcony. He wasn’t going to enjoy the view, listening to the noises the big city was making or inhaling the cool air but he didn’t want his children to see him like this, just lying on the bed, unmoving. He would never let Dare, Chris and Jess see him looking so weak and fragile. He was supposed to be their protector, a guardian… not a shadow of his former self.

Using the bedroom walls, he made his way outside of his Upper East Side condo. His movements were slow and quite painful but he was at ease. Despite everything that was going on with him, he still could do it on his own. If he put his mind into it, he would most definitely succeed, just like old times. It would be easier to him if he was alone though. That way, he wouldn’t be troubling anyone. But no matter what, his heart still longed for his family. They gave him strength. He had fought for them but this was a battle that he was losing.   

Blaine sat on the wooden chair, waiting for his children to be there. The wait wasn’t long. Within a few minutes the Anderson-Hummel kids — Darren, Christopher and Jessica were running off to Blaine once they spotted him at the balcony. Surprisingly, it was just the kids without Kurt or Sebastian with them. The other two adults in the house seemingly known Blaine wanted to have some personal time with his children.

“Daddy!”

Christopher happily greeted Blaine while Jessica immediately latched onto her Daddy’s leg like a baby koala. Darren cautiously sat on the chair opposite Blaine, placing Christopher on his lap without any difficulties.

Blaine watched his children. They were all grown up. The twins were already four years old and Darren had just turned eight. He would give anything to see them grow up and be someone, to see the adult versions of his babies. He sought to be there when Darren graduated from college, cheering Chris during his high school football games and to walk the aisle with his baby girl at her wedding.

Blaine would do anything to be there for his children and experience it with them but the chance wasn’t his.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” Jessica’s small voice brought Blaine back from his reverie.

“There was something in my eye, honey.” Blaine lied, letting the tears dry naturally.

Chris looked at his Daddy and then blurted out. “Are you going to die?”

Blaine gawked at his first born as Darren gave a shaky sob. He wasn’t as innocent as his younger siblings. He was old enough to understand the truth and frankly he was sad and scared on what was to come. He wasn’t ready to be apart from his Dad.

Blaine swallowed hard and gave his children a weak smile. “Yes, but I want you to be brave, okay?”

Blaine got no respond from the kids until Jess spoke up. “Can’t you stay with us, Daddy?”

“I’m afraid not, darling. It’s something that I can’t control. My time has come.”

Chris chewed his bottom lip, unsure. “Can I come with you?”

“And who will take care of Papa and Jess if you are not here then?”

“Dare.” Chris simply said, smiling to his father and older brother like it was the best and the most rational answer.

Blaine ruffled his son’s blonde hair. All he saw was Kurt in his middle child. Even though his boy was blonde and his husband wasn’t, Chris and Kurt did share the same eye color, nose and the lips. “I’m sorry buddy but you can’t come with me. I have to go alone.”

“Not cool.” Chris grumbled under his breath. It was clear that the four-year-old couldn’t yet grasp the meaning of ‘death’. Blaine had no intention of clearing it up to the kids if it meant he could spare them the pain.

“Dad…” Darren choked out, eyes bloodshot. “I don’t want you to die…”

Blaine squeezed Darren’s hand. “I don’t want it either but… I can’t prevent it. I don’t want to leave you kids but I don’t have a choice. Dare… you are the eldest. I know it’s hard for me to ask but as a big brother, promise me you will take care of Jess and Chris, okay?”

Darren nodded slowly, tears trickling down his face. He was clutching Blaine’s hand so hard his knuckles were white. He couldn’t let go just yet.

“And you two…” Blaine glanced at Jessica and Christopher respectively. “Help Dare to look after your Papa, alright? He will need you more than ever.”

“Okay, Daddy.” Chris and Jess replied in unison while Darren just nodded again. He couldn’t find his voice; he was overwhelmed by the current situation. 

“Daddy, are you scared?” Chris unknowingly asked. The innocent question made Darren’s small body shake as he cried harder, tightening his grip on his Dad. His Dad was going to be alone somewhere, of course Dad was going to be scared. It was like that one time he got locked inside the bathroom and couldn’t get out. He was crying and screaming but then Dad came to get him, soothing him. Who was going to do that to his Dad if he got scared? 

Blaine forlornly gaped at his children especially Darren. The boy was heartbroken. “A little bit… but since I know you will look after each other and take care of your Papa, I am not worried.”

Jessica was watching her Daddy closely; clinging to Blaine’s left leg. “Are we going see you again?”

“No, baby.”

Jessica’s lips began to tremble whilst Christopher started to look dejected.  Darren immediately pulled his little brother closer to him, resting the four-year-old’s head on his chest as he buried his face in Chris’ blonde hair. Being closer to each other appeased the siblings.

“What if we miss you, Daddy? Where can we find you?” The curly blond haired girl asked softly. Her hazel eyes widened in wonder. Although his daughter looked more like Quinn than him, she still had some of Blaine assets in her like the full lips and the beautiful hazel eyes, not to mention his talent as well. She was gifted. Not only did she have a beautiful voice, Jess could also play musical instruments like a master. She had once told her daddies she wanted to be a piano teacher like Blaine.  

“Come here.” Blaine called out, gesturing to his sons to come to him. The boys obeyed, joining their little sister at the other side of the table. Chris and Dare stood on Blaine’s right while Jess remained on his left. Blaine wrapped his arms along his babies, holding them close.

“Even if you can’t see me, remember I’m always there.”

~

As soon as Chris, Jess and Dare returned to the living room, Kurt decided to check up on Blaine. He was worried at first when he didn’t see Blaine on the bed but then he saw his husband was outside and Kurt’s heart rate was back to normal. It wasn’t a surprise Blaine had already fallen asleep in a short amount of time but Kurt wished Blaine could stay up a little bit longer so they could spend time together.

There was a blanket covering Blaine’s upper body and Kurt smiled because he knew who the owner of the blanket was. It was Darren’s. The compassion and gently gesture from his first born made Kurt proud. Darren didn’t take the news well but at least he was beginning to accept it, that Blaine’s time with them was limited.

Kurt kneeled beside Blaine, his head on his husband’s arm while he entwined their fingers together, playing with them with affection. Truthfully, Kurt was terrified, and he knew Blaine was as well. He wasn’t fooling anyone. Nobody was okay with dying, it just wasn’t normal. You could accept the truth but to assent it with your heart open? It didn’t seem right.

For a long moment Kurt watched Blaine sleeping. The dark circles under Blaine’s eyes made Blaine looked so sick. From the outside he might look ‘healthy’ enough but inside, his condition was steadily deteriorating.

Weeks, the doctor had said. Just a few weeks, and then Blaine would be gone.

Kurt would let the tears fall silently as he watched his husband, never feeling more helpless in life. Blaine was slipping away, right before his eyes and it appeared nothing could stop it. Kurt reached out and put a hand gently on Blaine’s chest, his palm over his husband’s weakened heart.

But Blaine wasn’t gone yet, he reminded himself, so there was still hope.

“Don’t leave me.” Kurt whispered brokenly. He hung his head at the sting of tears, helpless to stop them.

Kurt raised his head when he felt the touch on his head. His hand quickly wiping away the tears when a pair of golden hazel eyes stared into his own blue. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Blaine shook his head, smiling. “No, it’s okay.”

Kurt leaned up and placed his lips against Blaine’s. His husband returned the gentle kiss, his hand cupping Kurt’s face. Kurt’s mind screamed. There was nothing okay about this because Blaine’s lips were slightly cold, his tanned skin was now ashen and Kurt just couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing.

They parted a moment later.

Blaine touched his husband’s face with tenderness. “You don’t have to pretend. Just let it all go, Kurt. It’s okay to cry. You uh… you did cry on our wedding day, remember? You were a mess.” He tried to lighten up the mood.

“That was tears of happiness, Blaine. Right now it’s different… I am not happy!”

“You should try, and set yourself free. There’s a lot of things await you… and you are going to be happy again, you just don’t know it.” Blaine kneed his fingers in Kurt’s soft hair. He was trying to soothe Kurt, alleviate the emotional pain.

“I can’t be happy, Blaine… not without you…”

Blaine was wordless. He could only hold Kurt’s hand gently as comfort. It was sort of ironic — Blaine wasn’t ready to leave and Kurt wasn’t ready to let go. Blaine suddenly shivered. The cold air of New York was starting to make its toll on his frail body.

“Blaine?” Kurt asked worriedly, noticing Blaine’s harsh breathing.

Blaine winced. “My head hurts a little.”

Kurt seemed horrified but he kept his composure. “Let’s get you inside and warm you up…”

Blaine unexpectedly felt something dripping onto the back of his palm. He raised his hand to his face, feeling the liquid coming out from his nose. His fingers came back red.

Nosebleed.

“Kurt…” Blaine’s voice barely been heard.

Kurt opened his mouth to say something in return but then his eyes widened. He ran inside, grabbing a clean cloth and swiftly wiping the blood. “It’s okay, you are going to be okay.”

Blaine didn’t miss the tremble in his husband’s voice or the tears in his husband’s eyes as Kurt cleaned his face using the cloth. He was also glad none of the blood had stained on the blanket that Darren had drape on him earlier. He could feel the blood keep on pouring nonstop and Kurt’s hand was beginning to shake in desperateness. His attempt was useless. Blaine held Kurt’s hand, stilling his effort. Kurt gawked at him with his wet eyes, helplessly dropping the blood tainted cloth on Blaine’s lap.

“I have promised you forever… but I’m sorry I can’t keep the promise, Kurt. I’m sorry I’m gonna break it.” Blaine whispered sullenly.  He wished he could placate his distraught husband but he didn’t know how to anymore.

“You are the love of my life, Kurt. I love you so much.”

Kurt cried harder, reality dawning into him. He seized any parts of Blaine that he could like a lifeline. “I… I love you too…” He gasped out the words through his tears.