Sugar Baby

Thirty-One

Despite the sheer number of pleads for exclusive interviews with the hottest couple in show business and their new baby, Blaine refused every single one. No one was going to come prying into the inner workings of his family when they were still growing used to each other, particularly not with Alex often fussy for no apparent reason and Kurt still prescribed as much rest as possible while he recovered from the birth.

Kurt was happier than Blaine had seen him in months. He was ecstatic to be a father, to have the son he'd wanted for so long, tirelessly watching over him and taking care of him, singing him to sleep and feeding him every time he grumbled, proudly showing him off when Blaine was able to take his boys home to the adulation of their friends.

It took a few days to fully sink in. On the first day they were at home once more, back in their own bed, Alex curled against Blaine's side and snuffling softly in his sleep, Blaine lay awake, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. He was a father. He had a boyfriend, a son, things he'd never dared to dream of, believing they would never be within his reach.

Kurt's hand stroked softly over his arm, and Blaine turned to see his boyfriend looking up at him with sleep concern, asking, "Honey, what's wrong? Is Alex bothering you there, because I can put him in his crib. I just thought he might be more comfortable sleeping with us for a while, especially since he's so fussy in the middle of the night."

"No, he's fine, it's nice having him there," Blaine promised, and Kurt's eyes positively lit up through the murky darkness. "I just...we're fathers. We have a baby. This is...it's huge."

"Maybe, but we can do it," Kurt reassured him, easing Alex into his lap to snuggle closer to Blaine. "I love you."

"I love you too." Leaning in carefully, Blaine pressed a deep kiss to Kurt's lips, sliding an arm around his waist and holding him close, unwilling to ever let him go again.

A week passed by, and Lauren dropped by to check up on them, smoothly shutting down Puck's attempts to flirt with her and telling them that Alex was perfectly healthy and gaining weight just as he should, and Kurt no longer needed to stay in bed as much as he could and was allowed to freely get up and wander around New York. Overjoyed at being released from his bonds, Kurt decided to take a break from his tutors until after Christmas and spent his days, while Blaine was working, walking around New York with Alex in tow, looking for shows to audition for, bright-eyed with the hope of getting a performing career off the ground.

Three weeks after Alex's birth, Kurt came storming into his and Blaine's room muttering under his breath, jamming the stroller into the corner and yanking at the drawers with unnecessary ferocity while he changed into his pyjamas, leaving Blaine to retrieve Alex from the intricate tangle of straps, balancing the baby on his hip, gently inquiring, "Kurt? Baby, what's wrong?"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to try and get around the city quickly with a baby?" Kurt asked loudly, dragging a comb with unnecessary ferocity through his hair. "So many sharp corners and all those people with no consideration for someone with a stroller, just walking all over the pavement and knocking into me without so much as apologising. One woman with about fifty shopping bags knocked the stroller and tipped it and Alex started crying, then she had the nerve to tell me to shut him up or she'd do it herself!"

Lowering Alex gently onto their bed, smiling affectionately when he stretched and wiggled, Blaine slid his arms around Kurt from behind and pressed soft kisses into his hair. "It's okay, all this scandal will dissolve over these next few years, it'll be forgotten the next time a director knocks up one of his extras," he reassured Kurt gently, dragging his fingertips through his thick hair. "You're amazing, you'll be signed up for a role soon, no one with ears could deny your talent. I'd sign you with me if you wanted more of a singing career rather than musical theatre."

"Okay, enough career talk for one night," Kurt said, linking his fingers through Blaine's where they were flat against his stomach. "You go shower, I'm going to feed Alex and then we're going to bed." Blaine pressed a soft kiss against Kurt's temple and obeyed his command.

While Kurt slept soundly next to him, breathing soft and even, Alex cradled between their bodies, Blaine gazed at the wall, Kurt's words ringing in his ears. Kurt deserved better than this life, permanently attached to Blaine, forced to take a baby to his auditions, forever stamped with the stigma of being a teenaged father. Alex deserved so much better, he was too young to be exposed to the busy business Blaine belonged to be, he needed time and quiet to be content. They both deserved better than Blaine could give them.

As the days stretched into weeks, and the countdown to Christmas began, Blaine setting his performers up for their seasonal album, he could see Kurt growing more and more unhappy with what he had been unceremoniously forced into, trying to deal with being a father and auditioning for shows, always being turned down. He talked about the agony of trying to shop with a fussy baby on his hip, the disgusted looks he would get from people when he paused to feed Alex in quiet corners, the stigma of being Blaine Anderson's boyfriend that he could see people he auditioned for attaching to him. Blaine had always known it was going to be difficult for both of them, but he came to see that Kurt wasn't happy, no matter how he tried to force a smile and lie through his teeth.

In the blackest moments of the night, his thoughts turned to everything Kurt had been through during their relationship. Twice he had decided everything had become too much, and run away from Blaine, but twice attacks had sent him back for his own safety's sake. Blaine had cheated on him, slept with someone Kurt was scared of and hated with every fibre of his being, just because he was scared of falling in love with him. He had treated him horribly through the months they'd spent together, gotten him pregnant and taken away his choice and all his vibrant potential, uprooted him from the life he had in Lima to take him to New York, and hardly paid attention to his feelings.

Kurt, and his son, deserved better. Blaine wasn't good enough for either of them, he didn't deserve this happiness. He didn't deserve Kurt.

Two weeks before Christmas, they were all eating around the table, Brittany jogging a sleepy Alex on her knee, when Quinn stood up, tapping her fork against her glass, and looked around at them all with a maternal smile on her face. "While you have all made these last five years amazing for me, and I'm so grateful to have been a part of this label, you all know this was never my dream," she said slowly, smiling around at each of them. "I want to teach, I've wanted it since I became Elizabeth's assistant straight out of high school. So, before Christmas hits, I'm going back to Ohio. I have a job set up at McKinley, assisting one of the English teachers, I have an apartment and a whole life waiting for me to get there. I'll miss all of you, but this is my choice. It's what I want to do."

She looked uncertainly around at them all, as if expecting them to protest. Puck stood up, grinned at her and pulled her into a hug. "Good luck, Quinnie-bear," he murmured, tweaking her nose affectionately.

Sitting on the end of their bed with Alex in his arms, watching Kurt get ready for bed, Blaine knew what he had to do. Since Quinn had first approached him with ideas of going back to her hometown, this eventuality had been turning over and over in his mind. "Isn't it crazy about Quinn?" Kurt asked, giving Blaine a brief smile in the mirror. "How could anyone give all this up to go back to Lima? This is New York, and Lima is so bland. No one could be special there."

"I want you to go back to Lima with Quinn." Kurt looked up, slowly turning around to face Blaine, eyes wide and mouth set in a hard line. Blaine stood and walked over to him, placing Alex into his arms. "Take Alex and go back there, Kurt, with Quinn and your friends. You can be anything you want to be there. Nothing will hold you back."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Kurt asked quietly, voice small and meek and so scared, something Blaine was unaccustomed to hearing from such a strong, forceful man.

"If that's what it will take for you to go back, yes," Blaine answered quietly, swallowing back the lump in his throat as Kurt let out the breath he had been holding, the air shuddering past his lips, his eyes glassy with tears when he looked up at Blaine, cradling Alex close to him. "You don't belong here, Kurt. This life isn't right for you or Alex."

"Of course I belong here!" Kurt snapped angrily. "New York is my dream, Blaine, I'm living my dream. I want to stay here, I don't want to go back to Lima. I hate it there!"

"Kurt, here you're one of millions of hopeful auditionees, fighting tooth and nail for one role that isn't worth all that much in the eyes of the media anyway," Blaine said softly. "You're amazing, but not everyone recognises how exceptional you are, and that's partly because of your connection to me. You don't have a school here, only tutors that you have to time around our son's needs. In Lima, you're special. You're fantastic there, you deserve to have your talent recognised by the masses, and you should finish your education in school, then get into college and come back to New York. I don't want you to be trapped because of me, it's not fair."

"But I'm not trapped, I don't feel like being with you is holding me back!" Kurt protested, tears spilling down his cheeks. "You can't break up with me after everything we've been through. Please, Blaine, don't do this. I love you."

"And I love you," Blaine promised, kissing Kurt's forehead tenderly. "That's why I'm doing this. There are other options out there for you, Kurt. Better options than me. I waited nearly thirty years of my life to find you, I can wait so much longer, but you don't know anything apart from me. I was your first sexual partner, your first boyfriend, your first love-"

"My only love!" Kurt interrupted, cheeks red with tears. "I don't want to see other guys, Blaine, I've never wanted that. I wanted to find someone and fall in love and have that be it. I'm so lucky to have you, I don't want to explore other options, no one is better than you."

"I want you back in Lima, going to school with your friends, seeing other people and making mistakes in relationships with other teenagers," Blaine said slowly, wiping a tear from Kurt's cheek with a gentle brush of his thumb. "You're unhappy here, I can tell even when you force a smile and lie that you're okay. You shouldn't be tied to someone so much older just because you had my baby, it's not fair to you or Alex. Besides, Quinn is your legal guardian, you should be with her." He steeled himself and concluded, "Kurt, I'm breaking up with you. You're going back to Lima with Quinn, and I want you to date other boys and find out whether you'll still want me when you've explored other options."

They slept with Alex in his crib and a valley of cold sheets between their bodies that night, neither aware that the other lay awake until the coming of the dawn striped the walls in watery grey, that salty tears slipped down faces onto the bedding, that both their hearts were slowly breaking into ash, swept away on the ravages of time.

Quinn left two days later, after packing up her life, all of the last five years, her luggage on its way into the belly of the plane as she said an emotional goodbye to them all at the gate. Kurt stood at her, skin ashen and scarred with glistening tear tracks, hands cupped protectively over Alex's head where he was cradling the baby boy against his chest. Blaine gave Quinn an almost perfunctory hug, his eyes resting on Kurt the whole time, and started when her voice in his ear brought him back to earth. "You're an idiot," she told him sternly, "but I see where you're coming from. One day, he'll see it too. You better wait for him, you better know now that he's worth every second of it."

"I do, I'll be waiting right here the day he's back in New York," Blaine promised her under his breath, and she released him to be wound into a tearful Brittany's embrace. Turning to Kurt, Blaine gazed at him, seeing him so unwilling to meet his eyes, and whispered, "Kurt, please."

Sam took Alex from Kurt's arms for a last cuddle in time for Kurt to throw himself at Blaine, smashing their mouths together and clinging to him, fingers wound tightly into his curls, the kiss salty with their twins tears. "I won't give up on you," Kurt whispered as he pulled away, shuddering breaths warm against Blaine's jaw. "Never, no matter how long you make me wait. You're the love of my life, Blaine, those aren't just words to me."

"Me neither," Blaine promised softly, playing with the cool silver of Kurt's promise ring on his left hand. "I'll always love you, Kurt. You're worth waiting another thirty years for."

Quinn laid a gentle hand on Kurt's arm, and Kurt finally let go of Blaine, the loss of his warmth holding an intangible sense of cold finality. Sam placed Alex back in Kurt's arms, and Quinn waved with a bright smile as they walked towards security.

Blaine simply watched the love of his life walk away, forcing himself not to cry.