Graduation week is unbelievable. Chaos, stress, but also euphoria.

Kurt enjoys seeing his friends count down the days, and he enjoys hearing everyone talk non stop about college. Especially Rachel, who also got accepted to NYADA. But still, Kurt can feel that sting of sadness every time he meets those shiny hazel eyes in the hallways. At several occasions when he has sees the gel haired man struggle to carry a pile of books along with his cup of coffee, Kurt has to lock himself in the bathroom to cry his damn eyes out just by the sight of the man. The man he had but cannot have anymore. 

He bites his lip as he walk through the hallway. This is the last real day of school, and tomorrow is graduation. And then he is out. He flies to New York four days after graduation, and then Rachel will come and join him the week after. 

Him and his dad have it all planned out by now, Kurt and Rachel are going to live in one of Rachel's relative's apartment, just a few minutes from school. And they both decided not to wait to go to New York by the end of the summer, but to go right away instead. Just to get used to things like their new home, the subway and everything like that. Their new life.

And to be honest, Kurt wants to leave early just to keep his mind off Blaine. Blaine who he cannot seem to stop thinking about. 

He receives a small nod from Blaine in the hallway and that's enough for him to sit in glee club, fighting his tears back. He listens to Finn and Puck singing Good Riddance, and is thankful that all of the other members starts crying because of the song, because that means that he is allowed to cry too. But for all the wrong reasons. 

”Are you still crying, Kurt?”, Mercedes nudges his shoulder with her own and Kurt turns his gaze towards her.

”I just really love the song.”, Kurt lies and wipes his wet cheeks with his sleeves.

”Really? I never pictured you as a Green Day fan?”, the girl raises her eyebrows and Kurt forces out a quiet laugh.

”I guess looks can be deceiving.”, he jokes with a pathetic effort to wink. 

He listens to Mr Schuester talk on and on about their past three years together, while having Rachel crying against one of his shoulders, and Finn's hand on the other one. 

And Kurt cannot seem to stop crying. Because why the hell has he been so excited for the future and to leave this place behind, when he feels so awful about it when it is actually happening? Because nobody warned him about the ache in his stomach and the anxiety filling his chest as he spends the last few hours together with the whole glee club. Maybe for the last time.

And the heartache and constant longing for Blaine, who he was going to leave behind next week. 

They haven't really talked since the beginning of the week, when the boy left Blaine's house. After that it has just been longing gazes and fingers brushing together while walking past each other. Everything forbidden. 

”Kurt! Are you even listening to me?”, Rachel waves her hand in front of the boy's face. 

He got a little to lost in his own thoughts as he was listening to her go on and on about what decor they should have in their apartment, if they should paint the kitchen walls and so on. And usually, that would interest Kurt a lot, but not today. Not this week. Not this month, he thinks. 

”Sorry.”, he sighs. 

”Kurt you have to let him to.”

He shoots his eyebrows up, ”What?”

”Mr Anderson. It's so obvious that you still miss him.”, she tells him, voice soft and understanding.

”Can we just not talk about this right now, please?”, Kurt groans, leaning against his chair.

”Fine. But then you have to act a little interested in this.”, she winks and nods towards the interior magazine in her hands.

Kurt smiles. 

And he is interested. He really is. He is more than excited to pick out furniture and wallpaper and all of that for their shared New York apartment. Even though he is pretty sure that everything in the apartment will remind him of a certain New York inspired apartment located in Ohio.

He sighs. 

Everyday he has been trying his best to look forward to his future, he really has. Him and his dad have had numerous, long conversations about it lately. How Kurt and Rachel is flying up to New York the week after graduation, so that they have the whole summer to settle down in their new home and to get used to the city before college starts. 

And Kurt is excited.

But moving on and welcoming the future, also means letting go of the past. 

Letting go of his old house, of Burt, Carole, Finn, the glee club and Mr Schuester. And of course, letting go of Blaine. 

And the thought of having to let go of all of that scares him more than the thought of his future running towards him. 

”I can't believe it's just a few days left.”, Rachel closes the magazine with a wide smile.

”We're really doing it, going after our dreams.”, she continues in a shriek. 

Kurt smiles again. 

He needs to let himself be happy, he remembers Rachel telling him after they won Nationals.

And the girl is right, because who is he to be sad over the man he still loves, when he is going to be in the city of his dreams next week? Building up his future, reaching his dreams. 

”It's crazy.”, he eventually sighs out and walks out of the coffee shop with his friend.

The day after that is mostly a blur. A blur of confusion, nervousness, excitement but also sorrow. Because this is it. This is the day Kurt is leaving it all behind. Leaving McKinley behind. 

And it feels surreal to him seeing the hallways filled with students, dressed in their red graduation gowns with matching hats.

It's not quiet and calm even for a second this day; everybody talks and laughs. Hugging and crying. And so is Kurt. 

He catches a glimpse of a suit dressed Blaine in a classroom and feels that usual burning ache beneath his ribs. It feels like his heart is physically weaker nowadays, because just the sight of this man makes him question his whole existence and purpose in life.

All Kurt can see in the auditorium is red hats and gowns. His heart starts racing.

This is it, this is it, he repeats in his mind. 

Sitting down beside Mercedes and Artie, squeezing their hands, maybe for the last time, makes him start crying. When he sees his father in the audience, he starts crying even more. And when he meets a pair of familiar hazel eyes, he feels like his body might shut down any second from crying so hard. 

But still, Kurt manages to jump up on the stage with a huge smile on his face as he receives his grades from Principal Figgins. He can feel those hazel eyes burning into him the whole time he stands up there, but he doesn't look back.

He can't.

Because if he takes another glance into those warm eyes, he might change his mind. He might decide to stay in Lima just for the chance to be with Blaine for just a few seconds. 

So he does not allow himself to look at him.

Because he can't look back.

That evening Kurt is sitting among the rest of the glee club in their choir room. The school is dark and empty, and Mr Schuester managed to convince Principal Figgins to let the club stay a little longer. 

It doesn't feel real to Kurt. Sitting in this old, safe room with his best friends maybe for the last time. He is going to miss their constant teasing and fighting. Their arguments over solos and competition songs. Everyone shouting at Rachel as she struggles to get her own will through. Mr Schuester's pep talks. Kurt will miss it all.

So of course he is crying his eyes out this very night, just like everyone else. Even Finn looks like he sheds a tear or two, to Kurt's big surprise.

”Are you ready for next week?”, Rachel whispers beside him.

Kurt freezes. 

She's talking about their move. 

”Yes.”, he breathes out.

But he isn't. He isn't ready at all. He isn't ready to leave everyone and everything he has ever known behind him. New York is his dream but right now it all seems terrifying. Because it will be a completely new chapter in his life. And nothing is going to be the same. The only familiar thing he will have in New York, is Rachel's presence. Everything else is going to be new and intimidating. 

But he knows he needs to do it. This is what he has always wanted since he was a kid. He cannot let a confused mind and a broken heart interrupt and destroy his plans and goals in life.
He won't. 

The upcoming weekend consists of the bittersweet feeling of packing, and nostalgia haunting Kurt's mind. He looks through old photos, blinking away his tears while placing them in a bag. His whole room is packed up, leaving it feeling bare and cold, and not at all familiar to Kurt. 

In two days he will be in New York. He will be in his very first apartment, sharing it with one of his best friends. He will be living in the city of his dreams and he will be attending at the school of his deepest fantasies. This is where it will all begin. This is where he leaves his old, struggling life, and steps into his bright future. 

Kurt forces himself to think of the move and the move only, just to distract himself from the fact that he haven't heard from Blaine since he congratulated him on the day of graduation. 

And Kurt knows that Blaine is probably just trying to do what's best for both of them. To not talk to each other, to try to make the move easier on both of them. 

But it won't be any easier on Kurt anyway. Because it feels like he is suffocating. Drowning. 

He still doesn't know how love can do this to a person, and it feels like he is trapped, but in the best way. And Kurt has never been a person who depends their happiness on other people. But something about Blaine just makes him feel happy in such an intense way, and he isn't sure if there's ever going to be anyone else who can make him feel like that. 

So safe, warm and connected. 

Kurt carries the last few moving boxes and bags to the trailer, closing the door quickly to fight the urge to just lock himself in it with the rest of his things. With the rest of what's left of his old life. 

It's all happening now, and Kurt has always thought that he is ready for this moment, but deep down, he isn't. And he doesn't want to admit that Blaine might be the main reason he is feeling this way. 

Kurt groans loudly.

He needs to stop thinking about this.

Soon, he will have everything he has always wanted, right?

Everything except from Blaine.

”You okay kiddo?”, Kurt's father appears behind him in the kitchen the next Monday. 

Kurt twitches a little at the sound and lets go of the phone in his hand.

He has been staring at the screen and written tons of messages he later on deletes. Every single one meant for Blaine.

”Yeah, I'm fine.”, Kurt finally responds but Burt doesn't look to convinced. 

”I know it's scary, Kurt, but this is what you are bound to do, you know? This is your dream, right?”, his father sits down by the kitchen table. 

Kurt sighs.

”It's just scary. That's all.”

”You'll be fine. I've told you a million times, I've never seen a person being able to adjust themselves to a new place or an unfamiliar situation as fast as you can. Every situation you end up in, you manage to make something good out of. And I'm sure this move won't have any different affect on you.”, his father speaks to him, his eyes shining with sincerity and encouragement and Kurt wants to cry. 

”It feels so unfamiliar. And what if it doesn't feel like home at all? What if I don't belong there?”, Kurt starts gesturing with his hands, releasing all the anxiety and worry he's been holding in.

”Why do you think it won't feel like home? Because Blaine isn't with you?”, his father's question makes Kurt's jaw drop and his eyes widen.

Because they haven't talked about it, about him, since that day at the hospital.

”No, that's- that's not what I meant.”, Kurt lies. 

”Then what is it?”, his father does not look convinced at all. 

”I don't know, I guess I'm just having a little crisis.”, Kurt shakes his head. 

”Kurt, it might be hard to get over your first love. Hell, I'm still not over your mom, even though I have Carole whom I love very much. But it takes time, Kurt. Sometimes your whole life. But there will be a day where you realize that he's not the only thing on your mind anymore. There will be new people and new experiences. You may carry them in your heart forever, but you will be able to let them go eventually.”, Burt speaks and this time Kurt starts crying, bawling his bright eyes out. 

”I'm not sure I'm ever gonna find someone who will make me feel like he does.”, Kurt cries out. 

”Maybe not. But you will find someone who is going to make you feel something.”, his father assures him, grabbing Kurt's hand over the table. 

”I just want it to be him.”, Kurt admits in a sigh. 

”I know, kiddo. But right now, all you need to focus on is the move and your new school. Your new life. Who knows if you two will meet again a few years from now and find that by that time, you are right for each other?”

”We are right for each other. I can feel it every time I look at him. It's like I'm bound to him.”, Kurt cries again.

”You're young, Kurt. And this is your first heart break. But don't let this change your plans and dreams.”, Burt's gaze searches for his son's crying eyes. 

”He is my plans and dreams.”, Kurt mumbles as he wipes his face with his sleeve. 

”I know you're hurting, kiddo, but you will be fine. Okay?”, his father stands up to pull Kurt into a hug. 

”Okay.”

Kurt falls asleep early that night, without a single message from the man he loves.

This is it. This is where it all starts. This is happening.

Kurt has to pinch himself several times a minute to convince himself this is real and not just one of those dreams he always had when he was younger.

The car ride is silent as his father is focused on the road and Kurt himself is way too lost inside his own thoughts. He hasn't been able to thing straight for months now, his mind is always spinning with thoughts about New York, his new life, his future. And every time he thinks about it, the only thing he decides is that it would all be fine if only Blaine where a part of his future and new life.

But he won't be, and Kurt wonders when the heartache from that will leave him. 

Because right now, it physically hurts, and it has been for months. 

”So I'll ship those last few boxes this weekend.”, the sound of his father's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. 

”Great.”, Kurt replies. 

”Kurt, you need to calm down.”, his father sighs, eyes still on the road. 

”I am calm.”

”Don't try that with me, Kurt. You're my son, I know you. Don't you think I notice those anxious looks of yours, or how you never seem to listen to anyone anymore because you are too caught up in your own thoughts and worries?”, his father says and almost laughs, as if it is the most casual thing in the world.

”Well, how can anyone blame me? I'm moving to another city and into a whole new life.”, Kurt mumbles, crossing his arms. 

”So this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you're moving away from Blaine?”, his father continues, still with that casual tone in his voice.

”No!”, Kurt protests. 

”Just, try not to pull yourself down too much, okay? Try to focus on all the amazing experiences you have ahead of you, instead of the amazing experiences that's in the past.”

”What if something happens to one of us?”, Kurt suddenly blurts out.

”What?”, his father turns to face him. 

”What if something happens to Blaine or to myself? What if one of us gets injured or dies and then the other one will spend the rest of their life regretting that we didn't take the chance together.”, Kurt continues, voice more high pitched and anxious than usual. 

”Kurt, breathe.”

”What if the only thing I will have left when I'm older, is the regret about the chances I didn't take? That I didn't take the chance to be with Blaine while I could?”, he continues his rambling, gesturing with his arms every now and then.

”Kurt.”, his father eventually says, tone determined and a little more forceful.

”This isn't the end of the world, okay? If two people love each other as much as you two seem to do, things will work out, I swear. No matter if that means ending up together or being able to let go and get over each other eventually.”, he continues and Kurt can feel the need to cry again, but he doesn't let himself.

Because he has been crying way too much lately. 

”I'm just scared that-”, Kurt inhales deeply, ”- that we will end up like you and mom. Because just like you two did, we found each other way too late. When we did not have much time left to be together.”

”I doubt that the situation me and your mom were in is gonna be the case for you two, kiddo. Your mom's death was a tragedy. She was sick. And she was way too young. And even if you are our son, I'm pretty sure that your relationship with Blaine is completely different from your mom's and mine. All relationships are based on different things, and the people in it are always different from others. And while your mom's and my destiny didn't end as well as we hoped for, that doesn't mean that the exact same thing is going to happen to you just because you are our son.”, Burt speaks, and Kurt can't handle the sound of his father's voice cracking up like that.

So he cries again. And it seems like that's the only thing he has been able to do lately. 

”Things will work out, Kurt. Okay? Just go to New York, see what the city has to offer, and if you realize that it won't work out, that's okay too. Because it's never too late to come home if that's the case. I just want you to go out there and experience it while you can.”, Kurt nods at his fathers words.

”I love you dad.”, he muffles his sobs against his sleeve.

”I love you too, kiddo.”

The airport is more hectic and crowded than ever, maybe because this time of the year is the main time for people to go on vacations. 

Kurt carries his suitcase behind him, letting his gaze wander around the huge building with a mixture of curiosity and also fear. 

Because this building, this very airport, is where he will leave the last of his old self. The last of Kurt Hummel, a nobody from Lima, to become Kurt Hummel, a star in New York. 

He doesn't admit to himself though that he is pretty sure that he left that old Kurt Hummel back in a brick apartment and to a hazel eyed man. 

Kurt bites his lip, determined to think of something else. Like the fact that his plane is supposed to take off in an hour. He sits himself down next to his father after checking in, anxiously drumming on his phone, texting Rachel about the apartment. The girl left two days ago and have already been able to settle down in their new home and to start experience the city by herself. 

And Kurt decides that he will trust his father's words. And that despite his fear and anxiety, he is more than excited to be able to experience the city on his own. 

Finding his favorite streets, favorite restaurants and favorite shops. 

He smiles, he needs to think of the fact that he is a lucky guy who gets to move to the city of his dreams, and that he shouldn't let heartache stop him. 

Maybe his father is right after all, no matter Kurt's doubts. Maybe him and Blaine will meet a few years from now and be right for each other. Or maybe they will get over each other. 

Kurt bites his lip harshly, because he really doesn't want to think about that second option right now. 

He opens his suitcase just to let his gaze land on a familiar cover lying on top of some of his clothes. He swallows loudly as he starts reading;

”Hey, I hope you will remember me. I'm your old English teacher, the one with the gel helmet and an unhealthy obsession with coffee and bowties. I hope you will remember me. And I hope you love New York, and I hope you feel more at home there than what I did when I was there. And as you can see, I circled one particular song on the cover. And I want you to listen to it, and to remember me. And remember how we had to hide our love away from others, but it was still perfect, or well, to me it was. I hope you will remember me, Kurt Hummel. Because I will surely remember you.

Blaine Anderson”

Kurt doesn't realize he is crying again until his father bumps their shoulders together. 

”Do you want me to bring that home with me?”, his father asks, a little hesitant.

But Kurt just shakes his head and grips the cover even tighter, reading those words over and over again.

”No.”

The next hour feels like the longest, yet shortest hour of Kurt's whole life. The excitement he tries to fill himself with makes the the minutes feel painfully long. But the fear of leaving everything behind makes the hour pass by quickly.

”So this is it.”, his father nods as they stand up after hearing from the speakers that Kurt's flight is ready and that they will be able to walk on board in just a minute. 

”This is it.”, Kurt agrees, inhaling sharply before feeling his father's hands settling on his shoulders.

”You will be fine, kiddo, I promise. And you'll make sure to remember to call me as soon as you land, okay? And tell Rachel I said hi.”, his father says and Kurt can feel tears threatening to fall behind his eyelids again.

Why does it seem like he just can't stop crying? When will this feeling leave him?

”I love you.”, Kurt whispers, voice cracking as he throws himself into his father's arms. 

”I love you too, Kurt. Now go take over New York City.”, his father smiles and Kurt cannot help but to laugh a little. 

Watching his father walk away from him is more painful than he thought it would be. Because it feels like yet another ending without a real closure. His childhood ending. And it terrifies him.

Kurt makes sure to be the last person in line to walk on board, just to hold on to the moment for a little longer. Watching his surroundings, letting the thought that he is leaving settle in his brain. 

The line seems to move slower for every minute, but Kurt doesn't mind. He feels like a child holding on to their favorite teddy bear before placing it in a box filled with other things they won't ever use again.

Kurt bites his lip. Just a few more minutes and he will be on the plane, ready to embrace his future and his new life. 

”Excuse me, is this gate nine?”

Kurt can't quite explain the reaction he gets from the sound of a very familiar voice. His knees starts shaking, his palms starts sweating. His eyes widens to a bigger size than ever before and his jaw drops. 

He turns around, slowly. 

”What are you doing here?”, Kurt can hear himself whimper as he feels his stubborn tears start falling again. 

That pair of familiar, warm hazel eyes meets his own, and the widest smile Kurt have ever seen appears on Blaine's lips. 

”Oh, didn't you hear? I talked to Principal Figgins last week and quit my job. And I recently got a callback after an audition I made for this new Broadway Show a couple of months ago.”, Blaine says as if is the most casual and obvious thing in the world.

Kurt shakes his head.

This isn't real.

This can't be real.

”What?”, the boy manages to breathe out. 

”I did a Skype audition with a director a few months ago. Turns out that they are considering me for a part in a new show.”, Blaine's eyes are almost twinkling as he speaks and Kurt feels like he might pass out any second now. 

The line behind them is almost gone and the flight attendant shoots them an annoyed look. 

”What?”, Kurt repeats again with a broken yet hopeful voice, as if that's the only thing that he can manage to say. 

”I'm moving to New York.”, as those words leaves Blaine's mouth, Kurt starts sobbing, loud and shaky. 

It feels like all the puzzle pieces falls together as a pair of strong arms wraps themselves around Kurt's waist.

”Are you serious?”, Kurt whimpers into Blaine's ear, clinging onto his body, knowing that there is no way he will be able to let him go now. 

”I'm serious.”, Kurt hears Blaine saying with his tear filled eyes before seeing the flight attendant wave impatiently at them.

Blaine tilts his head up to look Kurt in the eyes again.

”Come on, lets go take over New York City together.”