Kurt's heart is pounding so loud in his ears he can't seem to hear anything else. He sees Santana opening her mouth and then closing it again, because even Santana is speechless. And Kurt is too. Because Blaine kissed him, in front of the whole glee club. The boy feels sick, and Blaine looks like he just saw a ghost. 

Nobody says anything.

”Wanky.”, Santana is finally the first one to speak and Kurt shoots her a warning look.

”Kurt, what the hell?”, Finn speaks after that and then there's just a loud mess around Kurt.

He wants to shut down and cry but he can't, not right now and not here. He searches for Blaine's eyes but the teacher still looks like he just saw a ghost, and Kurt think that the man might pass out any second. 

And then Kurt starts to cry, even though he promised himself not to. He bawls his blue eyes out and sobs loudly, avoiding to look at the group of people around him. He feels a hand on his shoulder and expect it to be Blaine's warm hand, but instead it's Rachel's. 

”Kurt?”, she asks, looking up at him with questioning yet careful eyes. 

”Well, I guess I can't really blame Lady Lips for crushing on Mr Anderson.”, Santana opens her mouth again with a shrug and Kurt sobs even louder.

”Santana!”, Mercedes warns and the other girl just rolls her eyes.

”Kurt?”, Finn is talking to him again and then Puck say's something, receiving a rude comment from Quinn and then everyone is talking loudly.

”Shut up! Everybody just please, shut up and listen to me.”, Kurt shouts, making the group of people turning around towards him with shocked eyes. 

”I'm not gonna say that this is not what it looks like, because this is exactly what it looks like. But what I do want to say though is that Mr Anderson haven't done anything wrong, this is all my fault, and I will do whatever you want me to if you could just shut up about this.”, the boy manages to say after a few moments of awkward silence.

”We will be together like a normal couple after graduation, but until then, please, I beg you, do not tell anyone about what you just saw.”, Kurt knows that his wish might be too much to ask, but he tries anyway before looking at Blaine again who still looks like he might faint. 

”I promise, Kurt.”, Mercedes is the first one to speak up and Kurt swallows loudly.

”Yeah, sure dude. I'm totally for students sleeping with their teachers.”, Puck then says and normally, Kurt would spit something back at that comment, but he just nods. 

”Yeah, I'm with Puck here. I mean, if Lady Hummel can get that hot piece of teacher ass, then maybe Mr Martinez will change his mind about my proposition to him.”, Santana smirks and Kurt wants to groan and roll his eyes and just leave, but yet again, he just nods. 

His heart is pounding heavily in his chest as he watches his friends nodding, agreeing with each other that they will keep Kurt's secret. Everyone except from Finn, who is still looking at Kurt with wide, shocked eyes. 

”Dude, are you sure about this, I mean -”, Finn starts.

”I need to leave.”, Blaine interrupts him, walking towards the door one second later and before Kurt manages to say something, the man is out the door. 

”Fuck, fuck, fuck.”, Kurt is crying again and he doesn't even care. He covers his face with his hands and leans back against the wall.

”Kurt, we won't tell anyone.”, Rachel tries, placing her hands on the boy's shoulders.

”I have to go.”, it comes out as a whimper but Kurt doesn't care as he starts walking.

He can feel the other members shocked eyes burning into his back when he walks, and he can almost imagine Finn's jaw dropping again where he stands with the trophy in his arms.

Kurt walks quicker now, determined to get out of the building as fast as possible. His gaze wanders around the parking lot until he sees the yellow bus they came here in. He sees a familiar dark haired head sitting alone in the bus and his heart starts racing.

”So is this the part where you're leaving me again?”, Kurt says the second he comes into the bus, his voice coming out more scared and angry than he wanted it to.

Blaine quickly tilts his head up, locking their gazes together. Bright blue mixed with hazel.

”Kurt-”

”Cause if that's what is gonna happen I'd rather have you just walk away right now without saying a word to me. Because I understand- ”, Kurt starts crying again and wants to slap himself for letting his tears fall now when he was so determined to just be angry and serious. 

”I'm not leaving you.”, Blaine interrupts him and Kurt is barely aware of that tears are falling from the other man's eyes too. His voice weak. 

”I'm not. But I just screwed this whole relationship up, everyone saw us.”, Blaine groans between his sobs and covers his face in his hands. 

”Not everyone.”, Kurt tries, unsure of if he should sit down and hold the man, or walk out and give him space to think. 

”Kurt-”, Blaine's voice is almost completely toneless.

”The only ones who saw where my friends in Glee. And they swore they wouldn't tell anyone. Even Rachel promised to keep it a secret and we all know she's a blabbermouth.”, Kurt tells him and Blaine manages to let out a broken laugh at Kurt's last words.

”You're teenagers. Of course this will come out one way or another.”, Blaine sighs, sounding a little more calm, to Kurt's big relief. 

”They're my friends. They know how happy I've been lately, and now they know that it's because of you. They won't tell anyone.”, the boy sits down, grabbing the man's hand. 

”It will come out eventually.”, Blaine sighs and Kurt nods, not knowing what to say.

Blaine's hazel eyes catches Kurt's blue ones again and the boy's heart ache. 

What if this is it?

”I love you, you know.”, Blaine continues, voice weak and devastated.

”I know. And I love you too.”

”But-”

”But this is it.”, Kurt doesn't let Blaine finish, because he does not want to hear him say the words.

”Kurt-”, Blaine starts crying again and Kurt just nods.

”Just until graduation. Then we'll be together.”, the man continues and Kurt can't help the shaky sigh that escapes his lips. 

”I love you so much, Kurt.”

”Do you promise?”

”Promise what?”

”That we'll be together after graduation.”

”Yes.”, Blaine's hand reaches up to cup Kurt's cheek and the boy wants to throw himself into Blaine's arm and never leave.

”I love you too.”, Kurt manages to get out before Blaine is pulling their faces together, catches his lips in a salty, tear filled kiss. 

”This is not us giving up. This is us being careful until we can be together for real.”, Blaine tries to assure him between desperate kisses but Kurt just pulls him closer. 

”We're not giving up.”, Blaine whispers, leaning his forehead against Kurt's. 

”We're being careful.”, Kurt agrees, making Blaine smile. 

”I love you.”

”You said that already.”, Kurt tries his best to smile, placing his hand against Blaine's neck, feeling the man shiver at the touch.

”But I love you too.”, Kurt sighs now and swallows loudly when his gaze follows another tear running down Blaine's wet cheek. 

”I should go in and talk to the others again. Oh and celebrate our victory.”, he continues and Blaine laughs breathlessly. 

”Congratulations. And I'll call a taxi.”, Blaine kisses him softly again. 

Kurt doesn't know how he manages to get his shaky, numb body to stand up again, but he does. Without another word, he closes the space between the two of them when Blaine stands up too. He wraps his arms tightly around Blaine, nuzzling his face into the man's neck, inhaling the scent of him. Holding him close for the last time for a few months. 

Until graduation, he reminds himself. 

The ride home is exactly as awkward and silent as Kurt expected it to be. Mercedes is sitting next to him, sleeping against his shoulder and Rachel sits in front of them, glancing over at Kurt every other minute, thinking he doesn't notice. 

”If you think I don't notice your little glares of concern, you're delusional.”, Kurt whispers after Rachel's been glancing at him at least a hundred times. 

”Sorry. I'm just worried about you.”, she says, tilting her head a little. 

”Don't give me that concerned, sad look Rachel Berry.”, Kurt groans.

”What are you going to do about this?”, she ignores his previous words and continues staring at him with wide, concerned eyes. 

”I told you earlier. It's over. We won't be seeing each other, except from in school.”, Kurt tells her, hearing his voice almost cracking up.

”I'm proud of you for doing that, Kurt. It's the right thing to do.”, she smiles and Kurt wants to burst into tears again, but manages to nod with a quiet sigh instead. 

”And we still won't tell anyone about what we saw.”, his friend continues but the boy barely listens, because all he can think of is how he won't be able to see, hear, touch or smell Blaine anymore, at least not outside school. 

Not in the ways he wants too.

The lump in Kurt's throat grows bigger and his chest is aching by now. He wonders what Blaine is doing right now. Did he get home safe? Is he laying on his couch, drinking raspberry tea and thinking about Kurt? The boy bites his lip hard. How the hell will he manage to do this for another four months?

Kurt stays home the first day of school after Regionals. He can't manage to get his body out of bed and his thoughts to think of anything else than those deep, hazel eyes. He's been rolling around in bed all night, not being able to sleep for even a second. Why the hell didn't anyone tell him about how this would feel? Why didn't anyone grab him and say that love can make your body hurt and ache in the most painful way. This hurts more than what his body did after the car accident. 

But Kurt knows, that even if someone would have told him that this is what love feels like sometimes, and that things can end in heartbreak, he would have done it anyway. He still would have taken the risks with Blaine. Because those moments where love filled his whole body in the most magical way, and everything felt okay, they are more than enough to make Kurt admit that he'd still do this all over again, even if it would end badly. 

And who knows what will happen after graduation? 

Sure, Blaine promised him that they will be together after Kurt graduates, but how could he possibly know that? Because if Kurt gets accepted into NYADA, when Kurt gets accepted into NYADA, he will leave Ohio for good. He will move to New York and Blaine will still be here in Lima, teaching in high school, and they still won't be able to be together. 

Kurt tries to muffle his sobs against his pillow. What if Blaine had thought about that when he said to Kurt that they will be together after graduation? What if he only said it to make the situation easier, even if he knew they will never have the chance to be together again?

No, Kurt decides. Blaine loves him. He wouldn't do that. 

”Kurt?”, his fathers voice outside his room pulls him out of his thoughts.

”Uhm, yes?”, he wipes his tears away quickly.

”I've got a letter for you.”, his father walks into the room, a serious expression on his face and a letter in his hand.

”What is that?”

”It's from NYADA, Kurt.”

Kurt's heart drops. 

”I-I couldn't help but to open it when I saw it-”, his father starts and Kurt raises his eyebrows.

”You've read it already?”

”Kurt, you're a finalist.”, Burt says before Kurt can yell at him for reading it without Kurt's permission. 

And just like that, Kurt's breathing stops, this is his future hitting him in the face. This is one step closer to his dream. One step closer to the future, even if the future doesn't mean having Blaine in his life. And he starts crying again. 

In another part of Lima, on Monday night, Blaine Anderson is burying his face in his hands. He never cries, but these past few days he's been crying like a baby. And he's pretty sure he's been crying more these last few months than what he have previously in his whole life. 

But he needs to cry, he needs to release his feelings somehow. 

He groans loudly. He's mad at himself and he's mad at the world. 

Because what if him and Kurt had met somewhere else? What if Kurt was a few years older and they would have met in New York while Blaine was living there? Then everything would have been different. They would be able to be together. Officially, and not in secret. 

Blaine almost started crying earlier today, because somehow, his heart held some sort of hope and excitement to see those bright blue eyes in the classroom, even if he wouldn't be able to stare at them for to long. He was excited to see Kurt's perfectly soft hair, even if he couldn't run his fingers through it. He was excited to see Kurt bite his lips when he was concentrated, even if he couldn't kiss them. 

He groans again.What did he expect when he started falling for one of his students? That's the number one rule for every teacher; treat all students the same, do not get too personal with them. But this wasn't just any student, Blaine reminded himself. This was Kurt Hummel. Beautiful, funny, kind, witty and interesting Kurt Hummel who caught his eye his very first day at his new job. Wonderful Kurt Hummel with dreams as big as his heart. 

Blaine can hear himself sob again. He feels like a heartbroken teenager all over again, but he should have known it would end up like this. Maybe he knew from the start it wouldn't work out, but he still did it. He still fell in love with his student, Kurt Hummel. 

And why the hell did Blaine promise the boy that they will be together after graduation when Kurt most likely will leave Ohio, forever? 

Blaine isn't even embarrassed by his echoing sobs anymore. He wants to call Kurt. He wants to ask him why he didn't show up for school even though he already knows the answer. He wants to tell Kurt he loves him. But he won't. He won't call or try to make this okay. Because this is how it was supposed to end. This is what the universe decided for them. They can't be together. Blaine knows they can't. But is it so wrong for him to still wish for it to happen? Is he wrong for still wanting Kurt? 

He closes his eyes. This is what they both knew would happen all along, but they did it anyway. And deep down they both knew, that the biggest risks weren't getting caught or Blaine losing his job. The biggest risk was breaking each others hearts. And that's exactly what happened.