Once Rachel left the coffee shop, I sat, stunned, in the exact same place. I couldn't believe that Kurt still loved me like I loved him. Rachel must have been playing a cruel joke on me because if Kurt did actually feel that way, then I would be the luckiest man to ever walk planet earth.

But Melody had also told me the exact same thing. Twice. And I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I needed to talk to Kurt. I needed to find out if it was true. But I still knew that I couldn't make the first move if I was going to end up at least being on civil terms with him.

In all honesty, talking with Rachel had confused the hell out of me, as if I wasn't already confused beyond a point of return before. Kurt had spotted me, and then he had hugged me as if things had never changed, and then he slapped me across the face cold and harsh.

But Rachel was right when she had said that Kurt deserved to slap me; because he did. I hadn't really felt any anger after the slap; I was just oh so confused.

Rachel had said she wanted me to be friends with Kurt again, but she had also made it pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. But she had also mentioned that I needed to get my shit together first. And that was so very right.

I needed to make up my mind once and for all as to what to do. Ever since I had left Kurt and Melody behind all those years ago, I had been living with the flow, never staying in one apartment too long, and always just going along with what ever came up.

I had royally screwed up on the last decisions I had made, so I was always scared I would repeat those same mistakes. But not only was I inconspicuous, but I was lonely. Sure, I had been approached and been on a few dates, but nothing ever got far enough for even a kiss.

Every time I would try and move on, something would remind me of Kurt, and how he was my perfect match he was the key to my heart and my soul mate. No one else seemed to be able to bring that sense to me like he had. I felt it with Kurt the minute I laid eyes on him all those years back at Dalton.

Things had been so much simpler back then. Our biggest worries were not turning in an essay on time because we had gotten caught up snuggling the night before it was due. Or getting caught making out in the janitor's closet because we didn't have enough time to go back to our dorm, but we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves for another minute. Sometimes, I wish we could go back and be those teenage boys who were desperately in love with each other again, and not the people who we had grown up to become.

If I had been given the chance, I would go back and change it all. I would have talked to Kurt about my fears instead of running from what probably would have been the best thing in my life. I would have let him comfort me and I would have cried in his arms but things would have been okay, or better at least.

Then I would have gotten over it and we would have gotten our beautiful baby girl and lived happily ever after.

But I had ruined it. I made it a thing to try and not regret decisions I made in my life as a way of keeping myself happy. But leaving Kurt that day was one thing that I would always regret until the day I died.

After what had only seemed like minutes, but must have been hours, I felt a soft feminine hand touch my shoulder. I looked up to see a barista. The coffee shop had emptied out completely and night had fallen upon the city.

"We're closing down now, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave." she said politely.

"Okay I was just leaving anyways." I said quickly as I tried to cover up the fact that I had been spaced out for what must have been hours. "Do you happen to have the time by any chance?" I asked. I flashed a small charming smile at the young barista.

She visibly swooned before checking her phone which she kept in her apron. "It's midnight; you were out of it for quite sometime. The other girls told me you walked in here around four." she said casually. I had a bad feeling that she was trying to hit on me. And I really wasn't in the mood to turn down another girl at the moment. Kurt was currently the only person on his mind.

"Thanks" I said quickly. Before she could say anything else to me, I was walking out of the small coffee shop- The New Yorker's Cafe- I noticed it was called. I walked out into the cool air; it felt nice against my warm skin. It felt nice to stretch my legs; I had been sitting in the shop for longer than it had seemed. I just had so much running through my head that I hadn't even noticed what was going on around me.

I slowly made my way back to my apartment. It was quite a long walk, especially in the cool New York air, but after a while, I made it safely into my apartment. Briefly, I thought about going to sleep, but my brain quickly dismissed that thought. So instead, I settled for going on Facebook and playing some of their pointless games. I opened my computer and brought my Facebook page up. When I logged in, I noticed I had three new messages. It was odd because I honestly never had messages on Facebook other than the one from Melody the previous day.

I clicked on the message icon; turns out I had another one from Melody, one from Rachel and… I couldn't believe my eyes. The third message was from Kurt.

He clicked on the first one that was from Melody;

Blaine,

I'm so sorry about earlier. I was actually really enjoying talking to you, you've really helped clear some things that I was always wondering about up. I understand why you left now and while I certainly am not ready to fully forgive you I think I could one day.

I don't know about you but I kind of felt like there was a connection between us; which is probably because you are my biological father after all. And even though things may be complicated, I don't want to lose contact with you. I'd like to have you as part of my life.

In case you were wondering, I didn't get into much trouble about earlier. My Dad was more just in shock than anything else; he was just upset that I went behind his back. I hope you're okay too, Dad seemed to slap you pretty hard earlier.

Please don't give up on us again.

-Melody Dalton Hummel

I was totally dumbstruck. For a fifteen year old girl, she really knew how to pull at your heartstrings just from her writing. I knew at that moment that I would do anything to be a part of my little girl's life.

I knew it would be hard, but I honestly couldn't find a care to give. I had my doubts and reservations all those years ago, but now they didn't seem like a prominent worry and I couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't have bailed all those years ago.

I felt a pang of guilt seep through my body; it felt like vile. I could have saved such pain and heartache for so many people on the off chance that something would have happened between Kurt and I. But I didn't. I ran like the coward I am. I had always preached courage to Kurt when really I was the one who needed it.

I typed a reply;

Melody,

I hope you know that I never stopped loving you. I loved you from the minute I found out we were having a baby. I just hope you know this.

I would love to be a part of your life. It would mean more than the world to me but first there are a lot of things that I need to sort out first. It won't be an immediate thing, but I hope we can work something out.

Please take care of your Dad. I'm sure you've already done a wonderful job. You, little girl, have so much courage running through your blood I don't even know how to fathom it. You stood up and helped your Dad when I was too much of a coward to, and for that I will always be eternally grateful.

I love you little girl, please don't ever forget that. I'll keep in touch.

-Blaine

I hit reply. I felt so drained. Today had probably been the most emotional day I've had in a long time. I hadn't been expecting much out of meeting Melody that day. I had expected her yelling at me and telling I was worthless and that I never deserved the love of her father. I was used to that, as I'd heard it all before; mostly from myself.

But to hear her, and even Rachel, tell me that Kurt didn't hate me; nor did they and the fact that Kurt still might love me like I love him. It was all so overwhelming and I had no one to vent it all to.

I sighed and went over to my fridge and pulled out a beer before settling back at my computer and opened the next message which was from Rachel;

Blaine,

I hope you are considering what we talked about earlier. I know that deep down you still do care about Kurt and Melody, but you also need to know how much you hurt them both and that it's going to take some work if you want to be a part of their lives again; which I hope you do.

I wanted to apologize for taking my frustrations out on you earlier; you have to understand though that for all those years that you were gone, I was the one that was taking care of Kurt.

I made sure he ate and slept. I was there for him when Melody got tonsillitis when she was two, and on her first day of kindergarten when Kurt needed a shoulder to mourn the loss of his baby girl on; it was my shoulder he used. Or when she graduated from middle school and became a lady; that was me there, not you.

I've also spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to convince Kurt that when you left it wasn't his fault. He blamed himself for you leaving. He would always say that maybe if he would have been skinnier or manlier that you wouldn't have been so repulsed and that you would have stayed.

Now I don't know if that's why you left, but I pray to God that it isn't, because that would make you one sick person, Blaine. But because I do know you, I doubt that's the reason you left him.

I guess I'm just trying to say that I hope you are thinking about what you've done, but I also hope that you are considering righting your wrongs. And while I don't understand what you've done, I do understand that Kurt won't be happy until you've at least given him closure.

Just please don't do anything until you're sure that you won't break his heart…again. He deserves better than that, and you of all people should understand that.

-Rachel Barbara Berry

I had tears in my eyes about half way through reading Rachel's message. I knew I had screwed up but I didn't think I had screwed up that bad. I furiously wiped at my face, not wanting admit to even myself that I had lost my cool.

I hadn't cried in years then all of a sudden I'm a babbling water works show, and it was all because of one event. Even if Kurt and I had no further contact, seeing him again would change my future either way. Knowing that he's somewhere in the city, I would always be looking for him. It's what you do for the one you love.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to type anything coherent after reading Kurt's message so I typed out a quick reply to Rachel.

Rachel,

I know when you came and talked to me earlier it wasn't for my benefit, but you truly helped me and inspired me. I know I am not a very good person, trust me, I know this. But I do know that I've never stopped loving Kurt or Melody.

I also can't thank you enough for what you've done to help Kurt through the years. You didn't have to, but you did and I will be forever thankful to you for that.

I hope that one day you can forgive me for what I've done and we can be friends again because I did always like you. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're the only girl I've ever kissed? Who knows?

Thank you once again for everything. I am forever in debt to you.

-Blaine Anderson.

The tears were still streaming down my cheeks much to my resistance. I hated showing weakness, but you can only be so strong before you break. And frankly, Kurt was and has always been my breaking point.

Shakily, I clicked on the message icon again and selected Kurt's message. My heart was thumping at a mile per minute and I felt all the colour drain from my cheeks. I knew Kurt would be mad, and the scariest thing that I had ever encountered was Kurt when he was mad, annoyed, or just generally in a bad mood.

But this was Kurt, and I couldn't be my usual coward self. I needed to be a man and face the music, so I did. I opened the letter and started to read, my heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces with each word I read.

Dearest Blaine,

Blaine, I am so sorry. I don't know what I did that made you leave me all those years ago but whatever it is I'm so very sorry for it. If only I'd taken better care of myself, instead of skipping all those gym sessions so we could spend time together. I know I'm not perfect but ever since you left I've gotten better. I don't skip my times at the gym anymore and I've never looked better. And I did it for you.

I know you probably don't want a cow for a boyfriend, hence why you left me before. But life without you isn't life. At least not to me it isn't. I've tried to move on, but every time I try, something holds me back; you. I can't move on because nobody else is you.

And I'm just so sorry that I couldn't give you everything you deserved in a man. You have no idea how sorry I am that you couldn't find that with me. I wish everyday that you had.

I still keep all of our pictures up around the house. It sort of looks like you never actually left, it gives me that sense of…safety. And I want you to know that even though Melody is yours biologically, I still love her. People ask me all the time how that's possible, but she's just another reminder that you were real and that I didn't dream the time we were together.

I also want you to know that I'm not going to stop you from seeing her. She's yours too. She's always been yours too. Your name…I put it on her birth certificate too. You leaving was still so fresh and I thought that maybe you might come back and realize that you could still love me like I love you.

And I also wanted to apologize for slapping you earlier. I had no right to do it and I honestly don't know why I did it. It was just that tiny part of me that doesn't blame me for you leaving. But that's no excuse and I'm sorry.

Now I know you probably have a husband and other kids now, so I'm sorry for taking up more time than I deserve, spilling my heart out for you, but I just needed to get this off of my chest. Rachel's great and stuff to talk to, but she just doesn't always get it.

I don't care how terrible anyone says it is, but I love you. You have always been the one Blaine, always. Maybe we could get coffee or something, I would love to hear about your life now; maybe it would help me move on.

I never stopped loving you Blaine.

Always yours,

Kurt Hummel.

In the moments after I finished reading Kurt's message I'm pretty sure I didn't breathe, my heart didn't beat and I shit my pants. I felt like vomiting up the contents of my stomach and crawling in a whole to die a long and painful death.

But I wasn't so lucky as I was still there, sitting in front of my computer in my beat up old apartment, with tears furiously racing down my face, followed my an onslaught of more tears that showed no sign of ever letting up.

My body felt like it had been hollowed out and replaced by an immense feeling of guilt and regret. I could feel the bile crawling its way out of my stomach and slowly up my throat. I swallowed shakily trying to suppress the nauseous feeling.

It didn't work though as I was quickly running to my bathroom and vomiting all that I had eaten in the past few days into my poor unfortunate toilet. I brushed away the beads of sweat on my forehead after I was finished.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face before I went back to my computer. If possible, I felt weaker than I had before.

I couldn't even begin to comprehend or fathom what Kurt had just told me. He thought I left because of him; like that he wasn't good enough for me, even though in my mind if anyone wasn't going to be good for someone it would be me for him.

And then there was the fact that he still loved me. I felt like I could scream it from the top of the highest building in the world. Kurt Hummel, my one and only love, my soul mate, still loved me, Blaine Anderson, royal fuck up and home wrecker extraordinaire.

I felt like the luckiest man in the world. It was then in that moment that I decided that I would do anything possible to make myself worthy of Kurt's love.

Tears still racing down my face, I took a deep breath and set my fingers on my computer keys. I tried to blink new tears out of my eyes, but of course it didn't work. This was the man I loved, after all. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes before I looked at the screen once more. I slowly but surely typed out two words that could potentially change my whole life again, maybe for the worse, maybe for the better. Either way, it would change.

Dear Kurt,