The walk over to where Kurt and Rachel were standing staring back at Melody and I was the longest walk of my life.  In reality it only took about 25 seconds to walk over but it felt like I was walking over to be executed which made it seem longer.  Every bad thing I had ever done involving Kurt was suddenly banging around in my brain; leaving him being the most prominent.

            I faintly noticed Melody walking beside me but wasn’t sure how she was feeling.  I guessed that she wasn’t feeling the best right now either.  She had gone behind her father’s back to see the man whom he probably really didn’t want her to.  I was just praying that he didn’t get mad at her; it was my fault after all.  She had contacted me but she’s just a child, I am the adult in the situation and I should have said no to meet her.  But I let my curiosity cloud my judgement; I was the one who deserved the blame. 

            We stopped a few feet in front of them creating space but still being close enough that we could communicate.  Rachel wore a stern look that scared the absolute living crap out of me.  And I’m sure it did for Melody too.  Out of all the New Directions Rachel had always been the one who was sceptical about me, and she in turn was right.  I had hurt Kurt immensely and I could only imagine all the pieces that she had to help put back together once I left.  I could never ask her forgiveness.

            If felt numb; I couldn’t really make out my surroundings. I was aware of what was happening but not totally there.  The colour seemed to drain from the world and all the way left was grey.  I could register voices from people who were passing by but all I could hear was a dull throb in place of their words. 

I looked over to Melody; she had tears running down he cheeks, as did Kurt.  I started wondering if I should say something but my question was quickly answered by Kurt who flung himself at me and engulfed me in the biggest hug ever known to man.  His arms wrapped around my back as he shook violently from the sobs that were wracking through his body. 

Naturally my arms flew around him too securing the hug when I had no right too.  I hated to admit it to myself but it felt natural; like home, which was something I hadn’t experienced in years. 

But as fast as the hug started it ended.  Kurt pulled himself away from me like I had the plague and his hand flew over his mouth in shock.  Like he hadn’t thought I was real until he touched me.  He looked around obviously searching for Melody, his eyes landed on her and they narrowed. 

Just when it looked like he was going to say something the hand that wasn’t over his mouth came up and slapped me square across the face; hard and fast.  Normally if a person just got slapped in the face they would be angry; but this was Kurt.  And at least I was feeling.  It took away from the dreaded numbness that had taken over my body. 

Before I could say anything else Kurt reached out and took Melody by the hand and walked away with Rachel close behind.  I wanted to run after them, make him talk to me.  I wanted to apologize; but I couldn’t do that too him.  If we were going to have any interactions Kurt was going to be the one to initiate it. 

So I stood there.  I felt numb and sick to my stomach but I stood there in the middle of Central Park.  After a few minutes it started to rain, I should have noticed the dark gray clouds earlier but I was so caught up in my head I couldn’t be bothered to notice.  The cool rain drops hitting my skin felt refreshing in a way; just another sign that he wasn’t totally numb.  But in other ways it felt terrible; like a bitch slap from nature scolding me for every thing I had ever done that was wrong. 

After I don’t know how long I felt a hand on my shoulder indicating the presence of another person.  I lifted my eyes from where they had settled on the ground to see Rachel.  It’s safe to say she was the last person I had expected that person too be.  I would have been less shocked if it was the President or Chuck Norris.

She didn’t say anything but she kept her hand firm on my shoulder and nodded over to a little coffee shop at the edge of the park.  I sensed she wanted to talk and I was not about to deny Kurt’s very pissed off best friend anything so I walked in the direction she was nodding.

We walked into the quaint little coffee shop and were bombarded by the fresh smell of coffee and donuts.  I pondered for a second whether or not to keep walking over to a table; I came to the conclusion that having something in my hands would be a nice distraction from the yelling I was sure to experience in the near future.

“Do you-“ I trailed off not sure if asking Rachel if she wanted me to buy her coffee was appropriate but then I realised I was screwed either way so decided to just take the risk; it was only polite.  “Do you want something?” I asked motioning to the menu that was filled with choices.

For the first time in over 15 years she spoke to me; “Iced Grande Caramel Macchiato extra dry, single, skinny” she said before walking away to a table.  She left me in a gape; she exuded confidence that I had forgotten she had and it was refreshing.

I walked up to the counter and ordered are drinks, it didn’t take very long because there wasn’t anybody else in line and soon I was headed over to where Rachel was sitting; I prepared myself for the worse.

“Here’s you coffee” I said trying to break the ice.  Rachel however was doing a very good job keeping the ice nice and firm.

“Why?” she asked.

“Excuse me?” I said a little startled by her abruptness.

“Why did you leave?” she clarified.

Oh I thought to myself.  I tried to avoid talking about it at all costs and that day I had to explain it twice.  I was not a happy camper.

“Rachel, things are really complicated” I explained using emphasis when I said really because things were really complicated.

“I don’t care; I’ve got time and you are going to make time to explain to me why you left the supposed ‘love of your life’ and you child.  Why you just up and left with not so much as a goodbye.  It’s crazy Blaine! Absolutely crazy! You were supposed to be the one that saved Kurt and made him happy for the rest of his life!  But you were the one who RUINED it.  He would kill me if he knew I was here right now; making you uncomfortable and questioning you, which is the craziest thing of them all! So you Mr. I’m-so-dapper-and-charming-and-I’ll-never-hurt-but-nevermind-I’m-going-to-run-away-and-abandon-you-and-our-daughter-because-I-got-cold-feet!” she half whispered and half yelled.

I honestly didn’t have an answer for her.  I knew why I left but the way she put it made me sound like I murdered his family or something.  But I knew she was right.  And I also knew that there was no way she was going to let me leave without giving her some kind of explanation that she deemed reasonable.

“Rachel I love Kurt.  When I left it was never my intention to hurt him; but there are so many things that you don’t know about that factor in here.  I honestly NEVER meant to cause him pain.  I knew there was no way I was going to be able to go through with it if I said goodbye in person because if he even asked me once to stay I would have.  But…at the time leaving was what made sense in my head.  And trust me when I say I had reasons as to why it made sense.  I completely understand that I have absolutely no right to be here right now Rachel, honestly I do.  But yesterday when Melody contacted me on Facebook I just couldn’t say no.  I know you don’t care about me but these years have been hard on me too; not knowing where my daughter and the love of my life were, not being able to find love ever again because I was- and still am in love with Kurt.  I let my curiosity get the better of me because Melody was what I had been searching for all the years; a way back into their lives and a way to make it seem to myself like I hadn’t messed up our entire lives. I totally expected Kurt to be married and happy and having totally forgotten about me.  He is the most amazing man I have ever met and I still don’t understand how someone hasn’t snatched him up.  So I fully understand if you want to just sit here and yell at me for a while now” I finished with a sigh and a deep breath ready for the onslaught of Rachel’s anger.

“It’s because he still loves you Blaine” she said calmly.

Well, not what I was expecting but I’ll take it I thought.

“What do you mean?” I asked.  I had a pretty good idea of what she meant but I needed to hear it come out of her mouth.

“No one has snatched him up because he still loves you. Every guy that’s even approached him he’s turned down; and he’s been approached by some fine looking men.  He still has all the old pictures of you two and he still cries sometimes about you leaving.  It was probably one of the worst things that had ever happened to him, and if he hadn’t had Melody too look out for I don’t know where he’d be.  Blaine when you left it ruined him, but he still pushes all the pain aside and loves you.  And he doesn’t blame you either”

“Then why’d he slap me?” I asked to what I thought was the voice in my head but apparently was out loud. 

“Does it matter?  He was confused, and he had every right to slap you.  Just feel lucky it was him who hit you because if it were me there would have been a lot more pain.  I’m going to come right out and say it.  I don’t like you Blaine, and there was such a long time where I hated your guts.  Every body did.  But I also know that you are probably the only other person in the world who can make Kurt truly happy other than Melody.  So if you guys decide to talk things out and be friends than I’m not going to stop you.  But before you interact with him anymore make sure you are actually going to be there for the long haul because Kurt’s heart can only break so many times before it cracks” and with that she stood up and left the café leaving me stunned and with a lot to think about.