When Kurt texted him, asking him to come over before their dinner date that night, Blaine was equal parts excited and nervous. What if Kurt was going to tell him once and for all that they were only friends and dinner was going to be a platonic affair? Or tell him off for his flirting this past week? Kurt had looked at him with an inscrutable expression when Blaine had asked him to have dinner at Breadstix. But. But he had agreed to go. Just the two of them. This couldn't really be bad, could it?

With one last glance in his rearview mirror to check if his hair was still in place, Blaine left his car and took the few steps to the familiar porch of this house he had visited so often in the past. He smiled wistfully, remembering the many, many goodbye kisses Kurt and he had shared on this very porch, only interrupted by Burt knocking on the door from the inside, reminding them of their impending curfew.

But that was then. Now was the time to get his act together and ring the bell. He had a ring in his pocket and a plan for tonight's dinner. He would propose and it would be romantic and so much better than his stupid little hallway-plan he had thankfully not followed through on last week. What had he been thinking?? He didn't even have a ring at the time. Kurt deserved so much more. He deserved everything. And tonight, Blaine would finally be a part of his everything again. He was sure of it.

When Burt answered the door a couple of seconds later, Blaine managed to only grimace slightly. He hadn't forgotten their little talk. And he understood. Really. Burt's concerns were only well-intentioned. But Burt didn't get it. Blaine was through with waiting. It was time to take action.
Thankfully, Burt didn't mention their last meeting and instead smiled at him, ushering him through the door and into the Hummel household. God, he had missed it. Everything still looked the same. Blaine wanted to be part of this family so so badly, his chest hurt with the sudden emotion overwhelming him when he took in the familiar smell of home.

"He's out in the back, waiting for you and pretending like he isn't glad to be here, where he has actual peace and quiet." Burt explained. Blaine nodded and made his way through the living room and out into the afternoon sun where Kurt was relaxing in one of the deckchairs, sunglasses perched on top of his head and absorbed in a magazine lying on his knees.

Blaine took a moment to take him in, relaxed and happy and beautiful. The urge to just jump into his lap and hold onto him and never let go became slightly ridiculous, so he cleared his throat to let Kurt know he was there.

"Hey" he said, walking over to the only other deckchair right next to Kurt, hovering slightly on its edge. He was too on edge to relax into the chair.

Kurt smiled brightly at him and some of Blaine's nerves finally left him and he relaxed a bit more. If Kurt was smiling it had to mean that he wouldn't tell Blaine to back off, right?

"Well, hello there, Blaine Warbler. Don't you look dashing!"

Blaine looked down on himself, blushing slightly under Kurt's appraising gaze. He had chosen his clothes with even more care than usual, choosing to go with a blazer and tie in homage to their early days when Kurt had only known Blaine in his Dalton-blazer. Kurt had once confessed that while school uniforms in general were tacky and terrible, he always thought Blaine had looked sophisticated in his Dalton uniform. And tonight, sophisticated was a good way to go.

"Thanks. You look incredible as always."

Blaine smiled when Kurt waved him off, though he seemed unable to hold his smile in. "I'm not dressed yet for tonight. I thought I would enjoy a bit of sunshine as long as I get the chance. It's different here in Lima than in New York. I can't really explain it."

He smiled some more before turning serious. "I.. actually asked you here so we could talk about something I heard about today. I'm still not sure if it's actually true because it sounds a bit.. insane, but I thought it would be better to do it now than to wait for dinner."

Oh god. Oh god, someone had blabbed to Kurt. Kurt knew. Oh god. His emotions of shock and terror and ohgod must have shown on his face, because Kurt's eyes got bigger and bigger before he exhaled heavily. "Oh wow. So it is true. I-" he broke off, clearly unsure how to broach this topic.

Blaine closed his eyes in silent terror. "Who- who told you? It was Burt, right? Damn. I knew I shouldn't have talked to him about it."

Kurt looked even more bewildered, sagging down in his deckchair. "You talked to my dad?"

Ok, so apparently it wasn't Burt who had spilled the beans. "I had to ask him for permission, didn't I?" Blaine bit his lip, deciding it would probably be better to shut up because Kurt looked at him as if he had never seen him before in his life and it wasn't really a good look.

"I can't believe you- well, actually, I totally can. And that actually explains a lot of what he and I were talking about a few days ago, now that I think about it. But- no, it wasn't dad. Tina came to me to tell me about it. Which is why I wasn't a hundred percent sure that it was true because Tina has been kind of peculiar about us in the past."

He smirked slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood but Blaine was fuming. What the hell?

"Right. Apparently I can't trust anyone with anything anymore. What was she thinking? Seriously, this girl... Every time one of you come to visit, she gets really really weird. I can't believe her."
Blaine looked moodily at the ground, concentrating on his anger because the alternative was facing this absolutely terrible situation.

"You can't believe her? Blaine. While I agree that in the past she has made some questionable decisions, I am glad she told me. She was being a friend, because she is concerned about you. And actually, so am I."

Kurt sounded so earnest, so concerned, that Blaine finally looked up and scrunched his nose at him. "I just don't like that everyone seems to think they know what's best for me. Best for us. Everyone I've been talking to has been really opinionated about this whole thing and I just-", he shrugged helplessly, unable to make his point.

Kurt's lips twitched like he was trying to hold back a smile. "And that wasn't, I don't know, maybe a sign that this whole idea of yours wasn't the best? I can imagine that my dad also wasn't really a fan of the idea."

Blaine scrunched his nose again, thinking back to that particular conversation. "Not really, no.", he admitted, smiling slightly when Kurt let out a soft laugh.

"I am really trying to understand what went through your head because this is just insane. We are not even together. And we are really young. You are still in high school. We are living in different cities-"

"It is not insane", Blaine interrupted, angry that everyone just kept repeating these same concerns over and over again. He was not insane! "It makes sense. You are here. I love you. We are both single. You told me so yourself. Marriage equality is finally happening. It is not insane."

Kurt looked both amused and exasperated. "Blaine, are you really arguing with me about whether it's a good idea or not to propose to me?" he asked and Blaine ducked his head, blushing again.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Your opinion on the matter actually counts", he waited a couple of seconds, then decided to just press ahead, "Sooo, what do you think?"

It couldn't really hurt to get his opinion on this, right?

Kurt looked incredulous. "What do I think? About you proposing to me?" he questioned, his whole stance suggesting that he also really wanted to question Blaine's sanity. When Blaine only nodded, Kurt rolled his eyes at him. "Ok. I think- I think it's a terrible, terrible idea. It's insane. You can't seriously think that asking me to marry you is a solution to our situation. The idea of us marrying right now is just crazy."

Well. Would you look at that. Apparently it could hurt to ask for his opinion. Blaine tried to bite back the lump forming in his throat, blinking against the tears forming in his eyes. He felt nauseous and pondered how fast he could leave and bolt back to his car. Sobbing hysterically in front of Kurt was just not an option.

Kurt seemed to sense that this was where his emotions were headed because he gave him a slightly helpless look, his hand twitching as if he wanted to take Blaine's before he settled it back in his lap.

"Blaine", he began, slightly softer and with a pitying edge that Blaine wished wasn't there, "I'm not trying to be cruel here. Just honest. Because that's our thing, remember? I don't want to hurt you. But you have to understand that this whole proposal-thing is freaking me out. Because I had really absolutely no idea that you were thinking about doing that. None. And I'm just trying to understand why you think it would be a good step to go from broken up to engaged. Can you maybe try to explain?"

Blaine looked down at his hands, clasped tightly in his lap. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, both to calm himself down and to avoid breaking down in tears. Kurt was right. He deserved an explanation. It wasn't Kurt's fault that he didn't want to marry him. But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt. Worse than a rock-salt-slushie in his face. Worse than the last time Kurt had rejected him. Because the last time, it had been because of something Blaine had done. It had been his fault and he had understood. But this time, it was just because Kurt didn't want him. Not now, and probably not ever.

"I just, I love you so much, Kurt. So, so much. And I just thought, with you being here, that I had to get you back. I need you in my life, as more than a friend. And preferably forever. And I just thought, if I had this grand gesture, I could show you that you can rely on me this time around. I know, I know I messed up. I was scared of how much I needed you and I was even more scared that you didn't need me. That you were moving on in New York without me and I would be stuck here. And it's not an excuse for my behavior. I know it's not. But I was just in such a bad place and I didn't know how to handle how much I needed you. So I screwed up. And I immediately knew that I had screwed up. That I would never not need you, no matter how much I tried to. But it was too late. And I lost you. And then we became friends again and we spent Christmas together and then Valentines and it was perfect and I thought, if I just waited, you would maybe see that you need me, too. I knew you were dating and it was fine, because I knew it wasn't what we had, it couldn't be."

He looked up then, gulping down air after pressing all of his thoughts out without taking a breath. Kurt regarded him with an inscrutable expression, eyes wide and focused on Blaine's face. So Blaine looked away, at the fence dividing the Hummel garden from their neighbors' and continuing his rant.

"And then you and Adam broke up and when you told me I thought "This is it, he has to have realized that nothing can ever hold a candle to what we had". But you hadn't. You were just.. scared for your dad and when you came here I saw how much it really affected you with your sugar packs and rituals and I knew it was so scary that you couldn't really handle more. So I waited. And then Burt's cancer was gone. And you were just so happy. I hadn't seen you this happy in so, so long and it was the best thing I had seen in a really long time. And you were singing to Burt and talking about second chances and I realized- this is it. You and me. And I want to be a part of this family so bad, you have no idea. And I want this second chance. I really do. And I wouldn't mess up this time, because I'm not scared anymore. Not of what we have. Not of how much I want this. The only thing I'm scared of is that you will just find someone new in New York and continue to date and not realize that I'm right here. I just, I just want you to love me again, Kurt."

And of course, the tears were flowing freely now and Blaine hated himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. He hadn't meant to break down in front of Kurt. It was just too much. These past weeks had been too much. And after holding it all in for so long, he felt slightly dizzy and also a bit relieved to get rid of them at last. They were both quiet for a moment and Blaine continued to fix the fence with his stare, not able to look Kurt in the eye as long as he didn't have his emotions under control. He finally felt a heavy hand on top of his clasped ones and looked down to where Kurt had gripped his hands tightly.

"Blaine." It was really more a choke than a word and Blaine looked up into Kurt's face to see his eyes glisten with his unshed tears, feeling even worse about himself. He hadn't meant to upset Kurt. For god's sake, this whole day couldn't have gone any worse. At his guilty expression, Kurt shook his head strongly, his grip getting even tighter.

"No, I'm not upset. I mean, I am, but mostly, because you are so upset. I didn't know you felt all this. And I hate that you thought you couldn't talk to me about it. And I- well. Ok. I want to say a few things and I don't want you to interrupt me, alright?"

He looked fierce now and Blaine's lips twitched into a small smile while he continued to cry silently. He loved it when Fierce!Kurt appeared. When he nodded, Kurt got up from his chair and knelt in front of Blaine, still keeping his hand on Blaine's.

Kurt nodded, too, more to himself than to Blaine and lifted his gaze to Blaine's.

"Ok, first of all? I appreciate a grand gesture just like the next boy, but don't you ever dare to propose just for the sake of making a gesture, ok?" Blaine wanted to interrupt because it wasn't just about that, but Kurt shushed him. "Hey, no. Still my turn. No interrupting. Just nod."

Rolling his eyes slightly, tears finally slowing down, he nodded. Kurt smiled, apparently satisfied.

"Good. Now. We probably should have talked more, about the break up, about what happened. Maybe it wouldn't have come to this if we had. I guess I just wanted to forget it ever happened and have my best friend back and move on. I realized that it doesn't really work that way when I was talking to my dad a couple of nights ago. But that's not the point. The point is, we both screwed up."

Kurt's smile wobbled slightly, but he still looked determined so Blaine decided it probably wasn't a good idea to interrupt again to tell him that Kurt hadn't screwed up. Not really. Not in comparison to Blaine's screw up.

"I mean, look at us. We're a mess." Kurt laughed slightly, shaking his head disbelievingly, lost in his own thoughts. Blaine untangled his hands to finally take Kurt's between his own. This seemed to shake Kurt out of his thoughts and he looked at their clasped hands with a small, private smile.

"I told you that I forgave you and that was the truth. But, forgiving doesn't mean that I really stopped hurting, you know?

I tried, I tried so hard to move on from you, to get over you, because I thought that that was what I had to do to get better. And I dated Adam, who was nice and good to me, so good for me. But it didn't work out, because, well, for one, there was so much going on with dad and school and vogue and you and the school shooting and- I couldn't really give enough of myself to him. But it also didn't work out because I wasn't really over you. I worked so hard on it, and Adam knew, but I guess my heart wasn't really in it. I wanted to get over you because that's what one is supposed to do after a break up. But I think, subconsciously, I didn't really try too hard."

His smile was a bit self-depreciating and Blaine had to tell himself to keep breathing because- because what was Kurt saying?

"And then I came back here and saw you and it was weird, because seeing you and not being with you will always be weird. But it was better, you know? It hurt less, and I was sure that was a good sign, that I was finally getting over you. And then my dad was cancer-free and everything was better. I hadn't really been that happy since before I got my NYADA-rejection letter. And you were flirting with me, or at least attempting to", Kurt smirked slightly and Blaine ducked his head in embarrassment, not really sure anymore where this was going. Because Kurt moving on from him would be about the most terrible thing that could happen.

But Kurt's hand was still in between his and his smirk was slowly turning to a fond smile.

"And I talked to my dad and he made me realize that moving on from you wasn't my only option. I could also move on from the hurt. And I thought about what was stopping me from doing that. I realized that while I definitely forgave you, I didn't really trust you. I couldn't. I mean, what if we got together again? I would still be in New York and you would still be here. And I'm even busier now, because not only am I working at vogue.com, I'm also going to school. And what if I neglected you again? What if I made you feel like I didn't need you again? Where is my guarantee that you wouldn't do it again?"

His voice was wet and Blaine had to physically stop himself from interrupting, because Kurt's eyes told him he was not finished yet. He tried to communicate with his eyes that he would neverevernever hurt him again. Risk losing him again.

Kurt took a deep breath before continuing, never losing eye contact though he had to blink to keep his tears at bay. Blaine's hands got sweaty because he still had no idea where this might be going, but he couldn't bear to unclasp them from Kurt's.

"And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that there is no guarantee. We can't promise to never hurt each other and trust in that. We have to constantly work on it. Talk to each other. Make time for each other. I we want this to work. Because apparently, relationships are really hard. I don't know why no-one told us that when we were still in school."

They were both laughing then, wetly, and Blaine couldn't stop the hope from expanding in his chest like a balloon.

"And then Tina came and told me about your insane plane to propose and I thought she was joking. I seriously thought I would ask you over and tell you about it and we would laugh about Tina's insanity and her weird tendencies to tell get involved in other relationships. But it turns out, you were the insane one."

He was rolling his eyes again, fondly this time and Blaine gave him a crooked smile. "So I gather you don't want me to propose?" he asked, to lighten the mood and also to make sure.

Kurt huffed out a laugh, shaking his head incredulously. "I really don't want you to propose. I have no idea how you got the idea that you could propose to make me love you again!"

Blaine's face fell faster than he thought possible. This whole conversation was giving him whiplash. Hope and dread were replacing each other constantly, making him dizzy. He felt Kurt's free hand squeezing his knee and looked at him reluctantly.

"I didn't mean- Blaine. What on earth gave you the idea that you had to make me love you again?", softer and in a voice Blaine hadn't heard in over 8 months, "that I ever stopped loving you?"

Kurt looked so hopelessly Kurt-ish that Blaine stopped breathing for a minute.

"I-", it was all he got out, speechless from the look Kurt was giving him. But apparently it was enough, because Kurt was smiling fondly again, squeezing his knee one more time before putting it on top of both of Blaine's.

"When you asked me to stay for regionals this week, I was really hoping that you would ask me out on a date. And then you didn't but I knew you had only gotten cold feet. I mean, now I know what you were actually about to ask and I have to tell you that you might have prevented my very first heart attack. And when you asked me to go to Breadstix I wasn't sure if you meant as a date or as friends. I shouldn't have worried, knowing now that while I was wondering about our relationship-status you were wondering how to pop the big question."

He was teasing then and Blaine choked out a laugh, still unable to do more than clutch Kurt's hand and stare at him in wonder.

"I think you should know that I prefer to go on a date first before I get engaged. So you might want to do that first, just a suggestion.", Kurt's voice was light-hearted and reflected how Blaine was feeling. He felt like he was floating, whispering an "ok" in response and smiling at Kurt who smiled right back.

After a minute or so, Kurt raised a pointed eyebrow at him and Blaine scrambled up in his chair.

"Kurt, would you maybe do me the honour and go out to dinner with me tonight?As my date?", he asked seriously, his broad smile betraying his emotions. Kurt only laughed and nodded before extracting his hands and standing with a slight grimace.

"It would be an honour, Blaine Warbler. I should probably get dressed, you can wait with my dad, I think he's watching some game."

Blaine stood as well, the floating feeling still not leaving him. "Can I kiss you?", he asked before he could stop himself. Kurt just smirked and shook his head.

"What kind of boy do you take me for? I don't kiss before the first date. If you're really lucky I might be pursuaded to give you a good night kiss though.", he winked and began to make his way inside and Blaine stared dopily after him, still not really believing his luck.
When Kurt was at the door, he hesitated before turning around again.

"You know.. should this date go really, really well, I think I should warn you that I promised my dad that I wouldn't get married until I was at least 21. Just so you don't get any funny ideas."

And with that, he was gone and Blaine sunk back into the deckchair for a moment, trying to catch up with everything that had happened this past hour.

It was true, when he had come here he had been planning on having a fiancé at the end of the night and this plan didn't really work out. So what. He had time. And as soon as Kurt turned 21, he would get down on his knee or something and ask his man to marry him.

He reminded himself to get Tina flowers or coffee or a puppy or something before going inside as well, looking for Burt and waiting for his gorgeous, gorgeous date to be ready.