“Bad day?” Blaine's eyebrows creased together as Kurt drained the glass.

“Bad few days” Kurt turned his gaze upon Blaine and felt his jaw go slack. Blaine had shaved and had his hair trimmed so it curled around his ears and fell onto his forehead gently. He was dressed in fitted dark blue jeans and a rich purple shirt, the top two buttons undone showing off his clavicle. A black leather belt adorned with an eagle buckle and patent black shoes completed the outfit.

“You got a hair cut.” Kurt came to his senses a little and watched Blaine touch a hand to his hair.

“Mmm, not as short as it used to be, but I figured being seen with Kurt Hummel carries certain expectations.” A small grin graced Blaine's chiselled features showing off his almost perfect teeth.

“So do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“About whatever's got you so worked up, I can tell when something's wrong Kurt.” Blaine's hazel eyes bored into the side of Kurt's head as he shrugged toying with the empty glass between his fingers.

“Not right now, we do need to talk, but can we just enjoy dinner for now please?” He finally met Blaine's intense gaze, a note of pleading showing in his vivid blue irises.

“Of course.” Blaine stood and gestured for Kurt to walk ahead of him. He gave his name to the waiter and watched Kurt closely as they were shown to their seats.

**

Blaine reclined in his chair happily, pushing his empty plate away from him. In the time it had taken for him to polish off half a chicken, Kurt had done little more than re-arrange his salad.

“Not hungry?” It was all adding up to a very anxious Kurt, Blaine knew all the signs. Kurt shrugged and laid his fork down.

“Do you just want to pay and go somewhere to talk?” Blaine's expression was caring.

“No, we agreed to meet for dinner, I'm not back peddling now.”

“Kurt I'm much more interested in making sure you're alright than staying here not eating in silence.” He sat forward resting his elbows on the table, looking directly into Kurt's azure eyes. Kurt sighed heavily and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes briefly.

“Blaine we need to talk, properly. But I don't think here is an appropriate place, would you mind coming back to mine?” Kurt fixed Blaine with a steady stare.

“No that's fine, anything you want.” Blaine flagged down a waiter asking for the bill, he watched Kurt closely; Kurt looked exhausted and while this was uncommon it was the sheer sadness in his eyes that really got Blaine. Kurt pulled out his red leather wallet and made to pay for his share when Blaine's hand appeared over his.

“Don't be daft. I've got this.” Kurt just nodded, too tired to argue and began pulling his jacket and scarf back on.

**

The cab ride back to Kurt's apartment was quiet, but not uncomfortable. When the cab stopped Kurt paid the driver and stepped out gracefully, offering a hand to Blaine. Blaine stared at the tall building before following Kurt through the glass doors. Kurt greeted the man behind reception and proceeded to the elevator, pulling his gloves off as the doors slid open.

“Nice building.” Blaine stepped in next to Kurt taking in the modern beauty the building had been decorated with. Kurt smiled slightly but said nothing. The elevator doors slid open on the seventh floor and Kurt stepped out turning right and stopped outside the fourth door. Kurt unlocked the door and walked into the spacious apartment removing his scarf and jacket and hanging them up on the ornate hooks by the door. He glanced to Blaine spreading his arms wide.

“Welcome to my home.” He walked through to the living room trying very hard not to think about how right it felt for Blaine to be there. Blaine took in the ample apartment with it's impeccable interior design which simply reeked of Kurt. He couldn't help but notice that there seemed to be very little that didn't belong to Kurt.

“It's gorgeous Kurt, I assume you decorated?”

“Of course, the place was so bare when I bought it.” Kurt curled up at one end of the sofa indicating for Blaine to sit. Blaine smiled and took the offered seat and both men were silent for a while. Blaine's nerves began to get to him, he sat forward clasping his tan hands together.

“So...” He glanced over at Kurt surprised to see his eyes shining.

“Brett's gone.” Kurt grabbed his cushion, holding it to himself comfortingly, it was a mannerism Blaine had seen many times in the past when Kurt was upset.

“I don't understand, you two seemed fine when I saw you.” Blaine was resisting the urge to take Kurt's hands, he wasn't sure Kurt would be comfortable with the contact.

“He came here the other day, I was asleep on the sofa having a nightmare, when I woke up he was here and talking about decisions and waiting around and said he thought we should take a break. He says I still l-love you.” Kurt's eyes were wide, tears streaming down his porcelain cheeks as he hugged the cushion tighter. Blaine took a moment to calm himself, his heart having given a leap at the end of Kurt's ramble. When he spoke again he made sure to keep his voice calm and level.

“Okay, first off what decisions, who would be waiting and why?”

“Well Brett said it was clear that I still had feelings for you even when we aren't together, but that he would wait for me to decide whether I want to continue in my relationship with him or move on. I tried to tell him that it isn't fair for him to wait for me but he just said we needed some time away from each-other and I should talk to you.”

“Okay, we need to establish something here before we go any further with this conversation.” Blaine paused for a second his heart pounding.

“Do you still have feelings for me?” Kurt bit his lip, closed his eyes and nodded. Blaine's heart did a little skip.

“Right, in that case I think you need to know everything that's been happening over the last four years.”

Blaine nudged his shoes off and sighed heavily, tucking his legs underneath himself.

“Okay, so you know a few days before everything kicked off my dad arrived in town wanting to have dinner right?” Kurt nodded silently.

“Well the dinner surprisingly wasn't that bad, Dad was pretty polite, bristled a bit any time I mentioned you – even worse when I told him I was planning on proposing to you, but he wasn't awful. So we had dinner, said goodbye and I made the mistake of walking home rather than paying for a taxi.” Blaine paused and returned Kurt's engaged gaze.

“Um, this bit gets a bit uncomfortable, but you need to know so... I was walking past that music shop we bought the White Album from and I had my earphones in so I guess I didn't hear them, but these two guys grabbed me and dragged me into the alley. They were shouting stuff but I still had my earphones in. The biggest guy slammed me into the wall and held me there while the other ripped out my earphones. The shouted stuff, like I was disgusting, you know the usual. The the big guy punched me in the stomach and like, he, he touched me. Fuck! Why is this still so hard?”

Kurt swallowed and unburied his hand from the cushion, he flexed his fingers which were stiff from clutching so tightly to the cushion. This gave him a few seconds to collect himself. Finding out your ex boyfriend was beat up and he didn't tell you took a bit of digesting, and it sounded like there was worse to come.

“Blaine, you don't have to – if it's too hard I understand.” Blaine flashed a grateful smile at Kurt but shook his head gently.

“No, I have to tell you, I've been quiet about this for too long. I – I can't go into detail, but I need to tell you, I owe you this.” Kurt grasped Blaine's slightly sweaty hand, squeezing it gently.

“They broke me Kurt, they – shit – they raped me Kurt. They took everything we had and broke it so easily... When they were done the biggest guy spat on me and kicked me a couple of times and they left. I could smell him Kurt. On everything. I could smell him on my jacket, my shirt – o – on me. I just lay there for a while, I couldn't get up. When I found the energy I couldn't think straight. I knew my dad was in a hotel nearby so I went there.” Blaine had to stop talking for a minute as the tears and sobs threatened to over-take him. Kurt didn't let go of his hand even as his own tears flowed freely down his face. He shuffled a little closer to Blaine, his heart physically ached as he watched him tremble. Why? Why had those ass-holes attacked Blaine?

“When my Dad answered the door he looked me up and down and just, he judged me, I could see it in his eyes. I wanted to come home to you, but he said I couldn't, said it would hurt you too much – that you wouldn't want me now I was broken. He told me to clean up and left me to it for a while. I was in such a bad place Kurt, I just sat under the scolding shower wishing all the dirt, the humiliation, the shame to go away. When I finally came out my Dad was waiting in the living room with a glass of whiskey. He told me to sit and gave me the drink. He talked about how I should have expected this, how I had brought this on myself – made myself a target. And do you know – non of this is even the worst bit for me.” Blaine's voices was quiet but bitter. He was staring at the ground as though he would like to punch it, his eyes were so dark. Kurt sat in silence his fingers pressed to his mouth in quiet horror while he listened to Blaine. He wondered what could possibly be worse.

“The worst part was when he told me I couldn't tell you. I had to leave you. Of course I argued.” Blaine's eyes snapped up to meet Kurt's – almost pleading.

“I argued against him, please believe that Kurt, I did not let go without a fight, what little fight I had left in me. But he kept saying how I was damaged now, broken. How no – one would want to be weighed down by me. I didn't listen until he told me how it could hurt you if I stayed. He told me what I would be putting you through – it would be easier if I didn't – and that meant not, ah how did he put it? - ah yes, not drawing attention to it.” Blaine returned his angry stare to the carpet with a humourless laugh, kicking his shoes irritably.

“Blaine, non of this is your fault, how could you even think that? How could you believe your father of all people?” Kurt had a determined look on his face unwilling to accept that Blaine felt so little of himself. His legs were beginning to ache from sitting in the same position for so long, so he unfolded them, but tried to remain facing Blaine.

“You have to understand Kurt, my head wasn't screwed on right. I was all over the place. I didn't know who to trust, what was right – hell I couldn't have told you which way was up. And Dad just kept saying things like I had to come back to grab something's and leave. He told me that he would keep me safe, stop me from being a target, weak, a failure. And I believed him. I didn't want to be a burden to you – it hurt so much to leave you Kurt, but I honestly thought it was for the best, I thought me leaving would be better than you finding out how weak and pathetic I really was. I regretted it the minute I stepped on the plane. But I knew I couldn't come back. I couldn't just reappear after tearing your life apart, so I continued with my fathers plan. I missed you every second of every day. So many times I wanted to call, wanted to explain. I just couldn't. I was afraid you'd be angry, refuse to speak to me – rightfully so of course. Then Dad started sending me to more and more remote places for stories and the months soon turned into a year, two years and I knew it was too late.” Blaine stopped talking and tucked his hands under his thighs, missing the warmth of Kurt;s hand in his. He waited for Kurt's response, his heart giving a nervous beat. #

Kurt wasn't entirely sure how to feel. Sadness seemed to be the main thing filling him up, anger too, not at Blaine but his father. He thought he should probably feel a bit angry at Blaine, but he didn't. He just wanted Blaine to be okay again. For him to be happy.

“I wish you'd stayed. We could have worked through it together. You should have known I wouldn't think you weak. You have never been a burden to me Blaine.” Blaine chanced a look at Kurt, he saw a thoughtful expression gracing Kurt's beautiful features – not the anger he expected. He allowed a tiny bit of hope back into his heart that maybe, just maybe Kurt wouldn't turn away, push Blaine away.

“This is a lot of stuff to take in Blaine. But I want you to know this wasn't your fault. What they did to you was not your fault. Your Dad manipulating you when he should have been supporting you was not your fault, I won't lie to you leaving was a little bit your fault. You should have realised that when I said forever I meant it – regardless. It took me a long time to be okay again. But I understand better now. Thank you for telling me this, but I have one last question.” Kurt raised his eyebrows asking if it was okay to proceed. Blaine nodded, a lump of dread filling his throat.

“Why now? Why come back after all this time?”

Blaine took a deep breath and let it out through his nose gently. He got up the courage to look Kurt in the eye directly – searching for any trace of anger. Instead Kurt's face showed only curiosity, his eyebrow arched, his lips set in a firm but not unkind line.

“Mainly I missed you. I was in this shitty caf� in Kuwait and they had this Beatles picture framed on the wall. It reminded me of you singing Blackbird, how I felt when you sang that and how it hadn't really changed. I knew I had to come back, try to at least see you. I kept in touch with a couple of the Warblers who kept in contact with Mercedes and they told me you were singing at Bernies. Obviously that was a little out of date, but it gave me something to work to. My dad died little over a year ago from a stroke and I was just holding down the fort so to speak. It's my company now so I get to go where I want. Where I wanted was here. With you.”

Blaine sat back in the sofa, removing his hands from under him. He felt Kurt's gaze on him and looked at his nails, picking at them.

“I'm sorry about your dad. I never liked the man, but no – one deserves to lose a parent.” Kurt leaned forward taking one of Blaine's hands in his, forcing Blaine's to look at him.

“I don't know exactly what you want from this, I'm not sure what I want from this. But I don't want to lose you again. Even if this...” Kurt gestured to both of them. “ is all we'll ever be. I can't lose you again. I think you are a fool Blaine Anderson for ever doubting that my love for you – for us, would stretch to help you with the pain of everything. But I would like to try to rebuild some of what we had. I – if of course that's something you want too.”

Kurt suddenly looked nervous, Blaine squeezed his hand tenderly.

“I would love that. I can't lose you again either.” Blaine smiled weakly over at Kurt, taking in the true blue of his eyes, and thought that maybe, just maybe there was a little hope. He knew there was a lot of work to be done and it would take time and getting to know each - other again, rebuild that trust, the connection. But this was a start.