Author's Notes: The noise came back full force once Kurt was back in his old bedroom. Blaine hadn't left his side since the flat-line drone had covered the room and Kurt in an impenetrable mist. Blaine was now sat up against the headboard, just waiting. Kurt lay tucked into himself on one side of the bed, still silent and unmoving, as he had been since they got home. Thoughts raced around his head launching him head first into a whirlpool of emotions, each attacking him from a different angle. Carol and Finn were downstairs making necessary phone calls that Kurt couldn't even begin to comprehend. The house felt different to him already, it may not have been the home he grew up in but it was his Dad's home; without him here, it was just a house. It felt empty. He felt lost. An eerie calm had settled itself into his bones and he filled his mind with a mental checklist of things to do, separating out his emotions and boxing them up to the back of his mind to deal with later. He sat up, ignoring Blaine's curious stirring. He moved out of the bedroom and downstairs, he laid a hand on Carol's shaking shoulder and took over the remaining phone calls.

He dealt with the family in an almost detached manner, moving swiftly on to making arrangements for the funeral. He didn't notice Blaine settle himself on the sofa behind him and exchange worried looks with Finn. Kurt kept his speech to a minimum, speaking in quick emotionless tones while he hurried around his family making meals, doing household chores, liaising with people in New York and finalizing arrangements.

**

A couple of days in Carol pulled him to one side, away from Finn and Blaine who were watching football whilst sorting through photos for the funeral.

"Honey take a break with me a minute, it's been so hectic the last few days, we haven't had chance to talk." She busied herself making coffee while Kurt took a seat at the kitchen table, his expression unreadable. Carol handed him a cup and took the seat next to him facing the window.

"How're you doing Sweetie?" they both stared out the window, Kurt took a moment to formulate an answer.

"I’m, I'm coping."

"You know you don't have to be strong for us right? It doesn't matter if you break a little, so long as we're together, we'll get through."

"I can't break. Not yet, I won't get back up for a while, and I need to get through the funeral. I can't feel too much right now." Neither looked at the other, just staring out that same window and sipping comforting coffee.

"That's not healthy Honey, you've got to feel it sometime and the longer you put it off the worse it'll be when you do feel it." Carol turned to look at the man she'd come to call her son, worry creasing between her eyes.

"I know, but it's all I can do right now, Dad wouldn't want me a nervous wreck. I have to get through the next couple days; then I'll deal with everything else." Kurt battled to keep the lump in his throat from breaking his voice while he spoke. Carol took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I understand Kurt, just promise me you won't do this all on your own." For the first time since entering the kitchen, Kurt turned to look at her, a minute smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"I don't think that'll be a problem, Blaine won't let me." He watched carol nod and they finished their coffees and returned to more planning and arranging that either of them really wanted to do.

**

Kurt didn't sleep at all the night before the funeral. Instead occupying himself with menial cleaning tasks. Blaine surfaced blearily at about 4am and tried to stay awake, but ended up falling asleep on the sofa while Kurt worked around him. Kurt woke him at 8:30 so he could go shower before Finn woke up and commandeered the bathroom. Once they had both showered, the sounds of family filling the house were conveniently blocked out of Kurt's mind as they wordlessly sat on the bed together. Kurt allowed himself the comfort of Blaine's embrace for just a little while. They joined Carol and Finn for what must have been the quietest breakfast the house had ever experienced. Finn hardly touched his food, instead pushing it aside and stomping through the house to his room. Blaine took control of the washing up when Carol broke down at the sight of Burt's mug sat innocently on the windowsill, where it had rested since the day he was admitted to hospital. He glanced at Kurt just hoping for some kind of emotion to break the surface soon, but Kurt was steadfastly calm and neutral as he dried methodically. Blaine sighed and finished up. He would wait, and wait, and wait some more until Kurt could let himself need Blaine.


They all reappeared in the living room dressed in their best. One condition of the funeral was no black. Burt was never one for formal anyway, and black seemed too bleak. Kurt had insisted on this being a celebration of life, not a commiseration of death. Blaine wore a deep grey jacket with black piping, teamed with a pinky, purple shirt and matching grey slacks. Carol's deep red dress had been a present from Burt the previous year. Finn's outfit of a deep blue cardigan teamed with a grey shirt and dark, pressed jeans had been carefully selected by Kurt. Kurt wore a royal blue blazer of his own design with black slacks and a white shirt and tie with deliberate bright blue piping along the collar. Kurt appraised everyone, fixing a strand of Carol's light blonde hair that had fallen forward. He had taken delivery of the flowers earlier that morning and handed each of his family a Gladiolus spike attached to a pin. (http://aboutflowers.com/flower-a-plant-information-and-photos/flowers/gladiolus.html )
They made their way out to the hearse, smiling sadly at neighbors who waved and stood until the cars pulled away. Nobody really said anything, each person too lost in their own thoughts for the day. Kurt's mind was determinedly set on making sure everything ran smoothly, all his plans, his excruciatingly specific requests, his hopes.


Carol just hoped it wouldn't be quite as hard as it promised to be. She wanted to protect her boys from this, but she felt at a loss without Burt. Their time together had been unfairly short, but she was thankful for every second. She still had the amazing men that they had both raised, both independently and together. This was a chance to catch-up with family and to remember the most amazing man she had ever had the luck to meet and more importantly, love. Tears threatened to spill, so she swallowed and watched the world go by without her for a little longer.


Finn wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel. He mostly just felt sad. He wanted to rage and get angry at.... at the world. Burt was the only real father he'd ever had, he'd taken care of Kurt when no-one else would. He'd taken in his Mom and him, regardless of their history and loved them unconditionally. He'd known Blaine was meant for Kurt even when they were apart. He had been the family’s rock. Who would be that now? How could Finn even start to make things better for his family when they all hurt so bad?


Blaine kept switching his gaze to Kurt. He wanted so badly to just hold him and let him grieve. But he knew that Kurt had to get there in his own time, and God knows that no-one could rush him. A deep sadness had settled in Blaine's heart, he loved Burt's gentle guidance, his sure acceptance of him. Even though Blaine had treated Kurt so badly Burt had just clapped him on the back and welcomed him home. The man had been so accepting and kind. There weren't many people like that, and boy did Blaine have experience of the fact. He would miss Burt and would do everything in his power to be there for Kurt and make sure that Burt was always a part of their life.


The cars pulled up outside the same church Carol and Burt had gotten married in. They all exited the vehicle and grouped together behind the coffin. The few stragglers left outside quickly made their way inside as the bearers carried Burt on his final journey. The family made their way down the aisle, so different from the last time they had all been together dancing their way down. They took a seat at the front. The Officiator started the service, but they all hardly heard a word; thoughts still clogging their thought processes. Each person intent on being strong for another. Finn had made sure everything was in place for his surprise. He just hoped Kurt wouldn't mind him messing up his plans too much. The service dragged by, Carol said a few words, cutting her planned speech down considerably due to overwhelming emotion at the sight of a packed church. Kurt stood next. He made his way to the front, his composure not slipping for a single second.


"My father... My Dad was the most compassionate person I have ever met. He was accepting, loving, kind and possibly the worst speaker ever." A chuckle emitted from the people gathered.
"I can never thank him enough for the gifts he's given me. He loved me when the world was telling me to change and supported me through things that I surely wouldn't have survived without him. He loved everything about me, never doubting my dreams and thoughts for a minute. When I asked him for something he did it, no matter how uncomfortable it made him. He strived to give me, Carol and Finn... and eventually Blaine also, everything we could ever want for. The things we needed came as second nature to him. If there was more to give, he gave it. Since my Mom died I found strength and the will to carry on in him. He gave me everything that makes me the man I am today. He pulled me up when I was childish, or unreasonable. He lifted me up when I was at my best. He brought two families together so seamlessly that as far as I'm concerned Carol and Finn are just as much my family as he was. He kept a business running; he kept a home functioning. But most of all he was there. Unforgettably, resoundingly, steadily, like a rock that could never be moved. My Daddy was there and he never wavered. I love you more than I ever told you Dad. Thank you for everything you've given me and for supporting me unconditionally to this very day and beyond."


There wasn't a dry eye to be seen. Kurt nodded at his audience and seated himself once again between Carol and Blaine, his hand instantly being enveloped by Blaine's. Still the tears he knew, socially, ought to be there would not fall. So he accepted the comfort offered. Finn stood and looked to the congregation, gathering a few people to come forward with him.


"I could never put into words the way I feel like Kurt, so I've asked for a little help. If it's Okay I'd like to sing for you. I know this isn't, like, conventional, but I heard Burt listen to this song a lot, so I know he loves it and you know, just interchange the her for him if you need to..." He looked to Kurt for confirmation, Kurt looked slightly surprised but a single nod confirmed that yes. It was Okay. Finn had clearly planned this, Puck and Sam walked up to join Finn and Tina, Mike, Rachel and Santana provided harmonies.


"It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down, if you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old but I'm happy
I was once like you are now
And I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found
Something going on.
But take your time, think a lot, why think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow but you dreams may not


How can I try to explain, 'cos when I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away
I know, I have to go


It's not time to make ...


All the times that I've cried keeping all the things I knew inside
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
If they were right I'd agree, but it's them they know, not me
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away "


Song: Cat Stevens - Father and Son.


The group finished the song together, beautifully. Kurt bowed his head to Finn, acknowledging the song choice as good.... as so much better than he expected. Blaine tried hastily to wipe the tears from his cheeks, much like carol and many of the others gathered in the church.


The rest of the service passed quickly for them, until they were back in the car on their way to the crematorium. Kurt's mind once again took over and blocked his emotions in favour of practicality and social expectations. He didn't really know how they got to the function room at a local sports bar Burt had once called his second home, but suddenly family and friends alike were crowded round in what was quickly becoming a very claustrophobic space. Blaine seemed to realise and excused himself and Kurt and led Kurt out and to a quiet back entrance. Kurt took deep breaths to center himself. Blaine waited patiently, propping himself up against the wall, hands shoved deep into his pockets. His jacket had been discarded a while ago, leaving just the deep purple shirt stretching across defined muscle. Kurt eyed his boyfriend before latching onto him and kissing him passionately. Blaine, startled somewhat, kissed him back for a moment before pulling away.


"Woah, Kurt. Just... Kurt, one second..." Kurt looked him directly in the eye, his normally brighter blue eyes, darkened somewhat.


"Yes Blaine?"


"I appreciate the attention, but... do you really think here is the right place?" Blaine made sure to hold onto Kurt, trying to convey that he wasn't rejecting his boyfriend, just... trying to help.


"My Dad never cared about us kissing Blaine." Kurt rolled his eyes and tried to re-engage Blaine.


"No, I know... but, do you not want to make the most of today?"


"Well, I'm trying but my boyfriend isn't co-operating..."


No, for what it is Kurt, not for... this." Kurt looked at him for a moment. A flicker of annoyance crossed his eyes and though Blaine knew Kurt wasn't himself right now it hurt.


"I guess, I just needed to know that, you're here. That whatever-else happens I haven't lost you as well." Blaine nodded, completely understanding, he held Kurt close, pressing a light kiss to his head.


"I'm not going anywhere, we have plenty of time. I'm right here... understand? And I'll be here when you finally decide to let yourself comprehend what's happened. Okay?" Kurt nodded against his shoulder.


"I think we should go back in there, at least for a little while." Kurt murmured while straightening himself up, and fixing Blaine's hair back into an acceptable state after his fingers had so deftly mussed it up.


They re-entered the room together and exchanged pleasantries until Kurt felt they had stayed an acceptable amount of time and let Finn know they were heading back to the house.


**


Their flight back to New York seemed to spring upon them all of a sudden four days later. Finn drove them all to the airport, Carol kissed and hugged them both tearfully making them both promise to come and visit or book a flight for her soon. She tugged Blaine away from Kurt and Finn's goodbye hug.


"Look after him Honey, I know you will, he just... he can't carry on like this for long. When it hits him it's gonna be like a landslide." Blaine assured her he'd look after Kurt and would call if they needed anything.


"If you start to struggle with anything... anything at all just let me know Okay? That means anything, even money, understand?" He looked into her eyes heavily, trying to make sure she knew he meant every word.


"I'll be fine Honey, don't you worry." They rejoined Kurt and Finn hugging one last time before Kurt and Blaine departed for security.