A few annoyed New Yorkers turned to glare at her as Rachel Berry pushed her vintage stroller down the street. They were just jealous of how stylish her precious baby was – so what if it was rush time and people were in a hurry and the huge stroller made it hard for them to navigate the sidewalk? It was their fault if they were late. Rachel had never been late to her classes back in college or the theatre once she started working. They had to take a good hard look at their schedules and not at her beautiful stroller. She wouldn't parade little Che in one of those cheap, plastic Winnie the Pooh strollers, god no. She was a star, so her baby was a star, too, and Che Berry-Hudson would only get the best of the best…

She was thinking about stopping to buy Finn lunch at his favorite café, when her phone rang. She stopped abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk (a few people muttered under their breaths, but she ignored them completely) and answered the call with a smile when she realized who was calling.

“Oh, Kurt! Hi!” Rachel exclaimed happily. “I was going to call you later and ask you if you were free for lunch. I'm near your office, actually. Che and I are enjoying an early spring walk in New York City. One of my past colleagues recommended a pre-school for babies and toddlers – I want Che to be immersed in music and art from a very early age, you know, and they have this great little program for babies his age that…”

“Rachel,” Kurt finally managed to interrupt. “Please, god, please stop talking.”

Rachel frowned. She knew that tone of voice. “What's wrong? Is the throat-cutting fashion industry getting on your nerves again? Finn could stay with Che tonight and we could go out for a few drinks, if you need to vent.”

“I can't,” Kurt replied tiredly. “I'm in California.”

Rachel startled and came to another abrupt stop just as she reached the corner. “What? What are you doing there?”

There was a Starbucks across the street, so Rachel drove the stroller in that direction, and sat at a table near the door (earning, of course more annoyed looks from customers, when she pushed the stroller to make it fit between two different tables). Kurt started talking a mile a minute and it took some time for her to actually process what he was saying.

“Wait,” she cut him off after Kurt had been rambling on for about ten minutes. “You… are married to Blaine. Blaine Anderson.”

“Of course, Blaine Anderson! What other Blaine could it possibly be?” Kurt exclaimed in frustration.

“And you went all the way to Los Angeles to get him to sign some divorce papers…” She continued, completely stunned.

“Yes. And I almost succeeded yesterday, but I backed off because…” Kurt paused. “March 15th. That was… that was our anniversary. I didn't even remember…”

“And he did?” Rachel asked just as Che woke up in the stroller. She maneuvered the monstrous thing until she could get to her baby and bounced him in her arms a little to keep him calm.

“He's… he's not okay, Rachel. I… there's so much I need to tell you. Do you have time?”

“Of course I do,” Rachel replied. “Just give me one minute to get Che's bottle ready and… you know what, I'll get a coffee for myself… just hang on a minute…”

Once she had her soy latte and Chester was happily suckling on his bottle, nestled in his mother's arms, Kurt began to tell her everything – from the moment he had visited Cooper's house, to the first encounter with Blaine, to the scary moment outside the bar and then their lunch. Rachel listened with rapt attention, barely interrupting, which was unusual in her.

“I can't believe this,” she muttered at last, once Kurt was done telling her everything. “How is this possible? Blaine was such a bright boy… and he's not doing anything with his life?”

“No. It's like… it's like he's stuck,” Kurt said bitterly. “Why would he throw his life away like this, Rachel? I just can't understand what happened to him… and I'm a little afraid to ask him.”

“From what you're telling me, I doubt he'd tell you much anyway,” Rachel put her cup down on the table and lifted Chester to pat his back until he burped.

There was a moment of silence that stretched thin between them, until finally Kurt admitted, “I want to help him.”

“Oh Kurt,” she whispered sadly. She had known he would say something like this. “How would you help him? You've just said it yourself – he's not the boy you knew. And if his own brother couldn't help him…”

“So what do I do? Do I just leave him here on his own? What's going to happen to him, Rachel?” Kurt's voice rose, the frustration in it clear to hear.

“You can't stay in California forever. What would you do? Bring him back to New York with you? I don't think your fiancé would be very happy about that…” Rachel pointed out. She smiled down at her son, who was giving her a toothless grin. “What does Alex say about all of this, anyway?”

“Oh god, he's… becoming impatient,” Kurt answered with a groan. “I can't blame him, but he just doesn't get it. I know I need to get this over with and go back, but… it's Blaine, Rachel. How can I just walk away from him like this?”

And that was the problem, Rachel knew. Kurt had never been able to walk away from Blaine. After the break up, it had taken him months – god, even years – to finally stop hurting and flinching every time someone mentioned his ex-boyfriend or whenever a song that reminded him of him played on the radio. Katy Perry had been banned permanently – and Rachel was pretty sure that particular ban was still in effect.

She couldn't deny it; she was worried. Even though she had sided with Kurt after the break up, she couldn't help feeling bad for Blaine at the same time. Yes, he had cheated and that was horrible, but… Blaine had always been a lot more fragile than Kurt. Finn had told her about how Blaine had acted in school after that, how he had stayed aside, quiet and broken, how he had never been the same. Even after Sam befriended him and tried to draw him out of his shell, Blaine never went back to the bright eyed boy he had once been.

But Rachel was also inevitably worried about Kurt, because he had managed to build a life he was happy with, and he was on his way to marrying a guy who loved him, but if there was one person who could topple Kurt's carefully reconstructed life back into chaos, that person was Blaine Anderson. And if Kurt stayed in Los Angeles and tried to help him, it was only a matter of time before Blaine made a dent in his heart that he wouldn't be able to fix.

*

For the rest of the day, Rachel's words play over and over again in Kurt's head – Kurt, don't be silly. If you're so worried, just talk to Cooper. Or come back to New York and ask Sam to help Blaine. You know he'll do it gladly, but… you know it's not a good idea, for you to get involved…

Kurt had to be dumber than he ever suspected, because the next morning he was back at Blaine's apartment, carrying two cups of coffee (I wonder if he still orders Medium Drip or if that changed, too…), and with one huge difference that marked the line between doing what he had come here to do and getting involved.

He left the divorce papers on the bed before leaving his hotel room.

Today wasn't about Kurt. Today was about finding out how he could help Blaine. Even if he couldn't save him completely, he wanted to at least push him in the right direction.

This had the potential to go very, very wrong.

Kurt entered the building and walked up the stairs, wondering what he would find once Blaine opened the door… if he opened the door at all. If Blaine went back to avoiding him, he had absolutely no idea what to do next.

However, Kurt had nothing to worry about, because the door opened less than a minute after Kurt had knocked on it… and the sight in front of him made him inhale sharply.

Blaine stood before him with only a towel wrapped low around his waist. His stubble had grown almost into a full-on beard and his hair was a messy mop on top of his head. Kurt couldn't stop his eyes from trailing down to notice the muscles in his arms and abs. The V on his hips was still as pronounced as Kurt remembered it, but the cute soft belly Blaine had had back in high school was gone. He was compact, but as strong and chiseled as a Greek statue…

“Oh, hi,” Blaine said, and the tone in his voice didn't give anything away, if he was surprised or annoyed to see Kurt again, he didn't show it.

“Hi,” Kurt answered numbly. He cleared his throat and looked up at Blaine's face instead of his hairy calves. “I-I brought you coffee.”

“Uhm, thanks. I was about to get in the shower…” Blaine looked over his shoulder at his apartment, hesitantly. “Would you… would you like to come in?”

“Sure,” Kurt nodded with a smile, and then Blaine moved aside to let him in.

“I'll be right back,” Blaine murmured, before exiting through the only other door, to what must be the bathroom.

Blaine's studio apartment was small and cluttered, though he didn't seem to own much. There was a punching bag hanging from the ceiling in a corner, a kitchenette, an old guitar propped up against the wall, and a bed against the wall under the only window. The sheets were crumpled, as if Blaine had just rolled out and didn't even bother straightening it up. There was a group of empty beer bottles on the floor by the bed, left there carelessly, and one half empty on the bedside table.

Kurt knew he had no right to tidy up other people's places, but god, just standing there in this mess made him twice as anxious as he already was. He put the coffee cups down on the little counter covered in boxes of cereal and Chinese take-out containers and then walked towards what was obviously the bedroom area, though the different zones in the apartment seemed to just mix together. Kurt was already mentally fixing the furniture around and cleaning up the mess – if Blaine didn't have clothes piled up on the floor or boxes that he had obviously never taken the time to unpack, he would've had enough space for a small couch a nice television screen, maybe even a couple of bookshelves and a breakfast bar. Oh, the possibilities…

Kurt started picking up the bottles by the bed, but something caught his attention. There was a photograph on the bedside table – it was old and wrinkled, as if it had been touched, moved and handled too often. Kurt's breath hitched in his throat as his own eighteen year-old face stared back at him, smiling and happy. He remembered this picture – his father had taken it for them just a few weeks before he moved to New York, after having dinner together at his house. Blaine had always been over for dinner back then; he had been pretty much a permanent fixture in the Hummel-Hudson household. They were sitting on the armchair in the living room (god, his father still had that chair), Blaine half on his lap, since there wasn't enough room for the both of them. Their arms were around each other and they were… they were happy. Free, happy and in love. The smile on Blaine's face was so bright it could've stopped traffic. His eyes were wrinkled with it, full of the kind of joy they always felt when they were together.

It tugged at Kurt's heart strings, looking at that picture, because he knew how much pain came soon after. Why did Blaine have it? Did he keep it around or was this just a coincidence? Kurt realized he couldn't think about this now and he didn't dare bring it up to Blaine, so he swallowed the bitterness in his mouth and decided to put it away, because he couldn't deal with it, and he didn't want to look at the smiling faces of two boys who didn't exist anymore.

He opened the top drawer of the bedside table, which had been already half-closed, but then he immediately wished he hadn't.

There was a flask and an assortment of orange pill bottles. Kurt was afraid to touch them and didn't even want to think about them, but at the same time… at the same time, he needed to know. He grabbed one of the pill bottles and read the label – it belonged to Mrs. L. Jackson, whoever that was, and it said it contained Percocet. Some other bottles had other kinds of pill, but they were mostly Percocet. Some of them had pills missing and some were full. Had Blaine been taking these pills? Where had he gotten them? They were strong painkillers, why would he…?

He dropped everything back into the drawer and closed it with shaky hands, letting himself drop down onto the bed, because his legs wouldn't support him. God, how could this be happening? Everything was so fucked up. Had he actually thought he could help Blaine with a cup of coffee and friendly conversation? This was so beyond anything he could do…

The bathroom door opened and Blaine exited, already in a pair of jeans, but without a shirt on. He rummaged in a wooden dresser for a moment, and put on a simple short sleeve shirt, in that shade of red that had always looked good on him. His hair was damp and unstyled and as Kurt looked at him, he couldn't help but wonder if Blaine had had any pills before he arrived, if those beers had been accompanied with a pill or two, if he was actually trying to hurt himself on purpose…

Should he mention it? Should he ask Blaine about it?

“Is the coffee still good? I could stick it in the microwave, if you want…” Blaine offered, drawing Kurt from his dizzying thoughts.

This is not the time, he said to himself. You didn't even process what you saw yet. You can't just blurt something like this…

“I think it's fine,” Kurt muttered, pasting a smile on his face and getting up to get his cup. He took a sip. It wasn't scalding, but it was still hot enough.

“So, uhm,” Blaine played with his own cup between his hands. “I guess you're here so I can sign those papers…”

“No, not today,” Kurt said and Blaine's eyes widened slightly in surprise. “You know, it's my first time in Los Angeles, and I would like to see more than my hotel and your apartment. Would you mind giving me a little tour?”

Blaine seemed completely baffled. “You want me to take you sightseeing around the city.”

“Well, yes. I mean, if you're busy, nevermind, I can go on my own or we can do it tomorrow, maybe, but… I would like that.” God, he was babbling. Was he babbling? He couldn't stop the words from just pouring out of his mouth. He drank more coffee to shut himself up.

“No, I'm not busy,” Blaine blinked, still looking at him in confusion. “Are you sure? Because… I know I'm probably the only person you know in this town, but…”

“Blaine, come on,” Kurt rolled his eyes playfully. “I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want to spend time with you.”

Silence. Absolute and deafening silence. Kurt was worried he had said the wrong thing, but didn't know if taking it back wouldn't just make things worse, so he simply bit his lip and waited for Blaine to react, to say something.

Blaine looked down at his coffee. His hands were gripping it so tightly that the paper cup was giving in under the pressure, but he stopped himself before he broke it and spilled coffee all over himself. “Okay.”

Kurt smiled genuinely now. He bounced a little on his heels. “Okay.”

*

Blaine insisted on taking a bus instead of hailing a cab, like Kurt had originally intended. He said it was better that way, and Kurt didn't question him – he was the one who had lived in Los Angeles for years, after all.

They found an empty seat at the back and sat together, Kurt by the window, so he could look at the city as the moved through traffic at a gentle pace. He had been so busy and worried since arriving at Los Angeles that he hadn't taken the time to appreciate it – it didn't look too different from any other big cities Kurt had been to (though New York was spectacular in its very own way), though it seemed a million times brighter, as if the sun couldn't stop shining over the buildings.

Blaine pointed out a few places vaguely as they passed by, and Kurt started wondering if his idea of a tour was just travelling around town in a bus, because it didn't look like Blaine had any intention of allowing Kurt to see the places they passed any closer.

When they passed by the Walk of Fame and half the people on the bus (tourists, judging by the cameras hanging from their necks and their excited faces) got out to take a look, Kurt cleared his throat awkwardly. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Maybe Blaine just wanted to pretend he was showing him around and do it as quickly as possible so he could ditch him.

“Uhm, aren't we going to go take a closer look at the stars? I'd really like a picture with Bette Midler's…” He asked hesitantly.

Blaine scratched the back of his neck, unsure. “I was planning to show you something else, but we can go see the stars if…”

“Oh!” Kurt exclaimed immediately. “No, no! It's okay. If you have a destination in mind, then we should go there.”

“Are you…?” Blaine suddenly seemed very uncomfortable, and Kurt wished he had kept his mouth shut.

“I'm a hundred percent sure,” Kurt smiled at him and looked back out the window when that seemed to make Blaine uncomfortable, too. “Are you going to tell me where we are going?”

“Well, we're in Los Angeles, and there is one thing you can't miss when you are in town,” Blaine explained. He checked his cell phone. “It's still relatively early, so it shouldn't be too crowded…”

Kurt was soon distracted looking out his window again. There was something magical about being in a completely new place and taking in the views, the shops, the people. He wished he travelled more often (and for happier reasons). It was absurd to think that he spent so much time working so hard for the life he wanted, but when the moment came to actually live that life, he was too busy to enjoy it. There were so many places in the world he still hadn't seen… hell, there were tons of places in his own country that he didn't know. Maybe the honeymoon would be a good first step. Maybe he and Alexandré could go on vacation more often…

He was so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed Blaine standing up to get off the bus. He followed him quickly so he wouldn't be left behind and once they were safely on the sidewalk, he looked around.

“Where are we?”

“Come with me,” Blaine said.

The traffic and the crowded city seemed to be left behind as they walked, surrounded by tourists, toward an enormous building sitting on a slope. The air buzzed with the conversations carried out in so many different accents and languages. Kurt felt inexplicably alive.

“What is this place?” Kurt asked, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand so he could look up at it.

“It's the observatory,” Blaine replied, pointing at a sign near the entrance.

“Oh! Are we going to look at space?”

“Not exactly.” Once they were inside the building, it was a little difficult to move around. Groups of tourists gathered around tour guides and information areas. Blaine however, pointed at the elevator. “This way.”

The elevator was almost full already, but the squeezed themselves into a corner and Blaine pressed a button on the panel. Kurt looked at him as he waited to get to their floor.

“You seem familiar with this place,” he commented. He wanted to get Blaine to talk. The image of those pills and the alcohol in his bedside drawer were still haunting him, despite the distractions of Los Angeles.

“Cooper brought me here on my first week in the city,” Blaine shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. “Told me he wanted to show me what it was all about…”

Kurt was surprised at the mention of his brother, but he tried to play along. “Did he take you to the planetarium, showed you a star and told you he shone just as brightly?”

Blaine made a sound that resembled a snort more than a laugh, but it was quite humorless. “Not really. You'll see.”

Kurt really wanted to ask more questions about Cooper, but he didn't dare. If he wanted to help Blaine, he would have to be patient. If he rushed things, he would only piss him off.

It seemed so strange to walk on eggshells around Blaine, to avoid setting him off. He had always been such a tender boy, so gentle and rational. Kurt had to keep reminding himself that Blaine had grown up into a very different person.

They ended up on the terrace. The view from was simply outstanding, with the skyline of downtown Los Angeles nestled in the surrounding hills, like a concrete oasis. It took Kurt's breath away. Whenever he was in a skyscraper in New York and he looked out the window, they could see a sea of buildings that never ended. Here, however, it was exactly the opposite. It really was beautiful.

“Oh, Blaine, this…”

“Now look this way,” Blaine murmured from his side and Kurt turned his head and found himself staring at the famous Hollywood sign. It looked huge from there and most of the people in the terrace were taking pictures of it. “If you're in LA, you have to see that.”

Kurt leaned against the railing and simply stared at it. He had seen it in many movies and pictures, and though he had never been drawn to Hollywood the way he had been drawn to Broadway, he still had to admit that the sight of it was a little breathtaking.

“Well, I imagine that was a fantastic thing to see in your first week here,” he sighed. “Cooper brought you to the right place.”

“Yeah,” Blaine whispered absently. “I just… I remember looking at it and realizing I wasn't in Ohio anymore. Maybe it isn't that much of a deal when you have lived in New York for a decade…”

“No, I know what you mean. It happened to me too, when I first got to New York. The first time I saw the Empire State and the Statue of Liberty, I…” Kurt bit his lip, suddenly flooded with images of his younger self, in absolute awe. “It's like it hits you that you made it, that you are out of that damn little town…”

There were nights when Kurt lay awake in his bed, unable to sleep, and listening to the New York traffic. The city was always alive and buzzing, like it didn't even have time to stop and quiet for a few hours. Those were the nights when Kurt marveled at how far he had come. He had managed to make all of his dreams come true, and he knew he had worked very hard for each and every one of them, but a part of him was terrified that someone would suddenly point at him, tell him he didn't belong there and send him back to Lima.

Kurt closed his eyes and felt the warm California breeze on his face. “Have you gotten to meet any Hollywood stars since you moved out here?”

Blaine leaned on the railing next to him and stared at the sign as he thought. “Mm, a few, yeah. I worked as a waiter for a while back in college and Sandra Bullock came in for lunch. I've seen a few bands and singers I like… oh, and I saw Taylor Lautner once in the street. I thought you would've liked that…”

Kurt chuckled, remembering his crush on the actor back in high school. “Oh god. I'm glad I wasn't there. I'm also glad I got over that crush. He isn't as attractive now as he was when he was younger…”

“You must meet interesting people, too,” Blaine commented.

“Yeah, things are quite interesting in the office. I've met pretty much every fashion designer I've ever worshipped,” Kurt said as he opened his bag to look for his sunglasses. “Models, too. You wouldn't believe the amount of beautiful people that you can see in just one day. It's unfair.” He found them and slipped them on. “Alex is a model too, actually. That's how we…”

Kurt stopped talking when he realized how abruptly Blaine's body language changed. He had been open and relaxed just a second ago, but with the mention of Kurt's fiancé, his back straightened up and he tensed.

They were silent for a minute, awkward, waiting for something to shift between them so they could go back to the easy conversation. Kurt thought then how nice it was to just talk to Blaine. The last time they had seen each other – not counting getting drunkenly hitched in Vegas – they had yelled. They had yelled at each other, and hurt each other so much that there had been no other way out but to never see the other again.

“So, uhm. What's our next stop?” Kurt asked, hoping they could get back on track.

It took a few more seconds for Blaine to go back to normal. He shook his head and looked away before gesturing towards the exit. “Come on. We need to take another bus.”

Kurt followed him quietly out of the observatory.

*

The next bus was more crowded. There was only one seat vacant and Blaine insisted on Kurt taking it, while he gripped the pole closer to him. It seemed to give them an excuse not to find a topic for conversation, for them to push past the sudden awkwardness that had floated around them since they had left the observatory. Kurt hoped their day wasn't ruined – he had plans that didn't involve the destinations Blaine had in mind for them. He wanted to find a way to talk to his ex-boyfriend, to help him, to get a genuine smile from him.

He silenced the voice in the back of his head that said Blaine wasn't his responsibility – he had a fiancé back in New York waiting for him. Kurt wasn't a part of Blaine's life anymore, so why was he so keen on doing something for him?

Well, he is my husband.

Oh my god.

The dark cloud behind Blaine's eyes had cleared by the time they arrived at their next stop. There was something stony about his face, like he was trying very hard to control his emotions, to keep a mask on, and Kurt wished he didn't do that. Maybe they weren't close anymore, but they had once been each other's everything – despite all these years apart, things should have been easier between them, and a lot more effortless.

He was so distracted looking at Blaine that he didn't even realize where they were until Blaine pointed at something ahead and Kurt followed his finger. It was the Farmers Market, bursting with activity, tourists and merchants coming and going. The stalls were placed close together, but instead of looking crowded, it just seemed welcoming and warm. The buzz of thousands of conversations going on at once enveloped Kurt like a blanket – it wasn't as energetic and hectic as New York, but it seemed rich and vibrant, in a way he just couldn't explain. New York was colder – business men and women cruising down the streets in a hurry, cruising cabs, nannies with strollers, dog-walkers. Los Angeles was just as busy, but there was a different vibe in this city…

“I really like this place,” Blaine said as they walked down the aisles of the market. “I don't know why, but I've always liked it. I always thought you'd like it, too…”

“Healthy food, clothes and skincare products all in one place? It really does sound like my kind of thing…” Kurt teased with a smile.

“There's an antique shop with an incredible collection of brooches. I've found so many you would have loved back when…” Blaine paused, avoiding Kurt's eyes again, looking completely lost. “Uhm. I mean… I don't even know if you wear brooches anymore. That was stupid of me. I'm sorry.”

“Are you kidding me? Of course I still wear brooches!” Kurt exclaimed, forcing the smile to stay on his face even though something in Blaine made his insides ache. He was so insecure, so nervous and skittish…

They stopped first at a stall dedicated to candles of all types and sizes. Kurt had always loved candles – they were perfect for romantic dinners, quiet nights, relaxing baths after exhausting days at work, or simply for decoration purposes.

“Oh look at this one!” Kurt said, picking up a hexagonal candle in different shades of blue. “Remember that summer before my senior year, when we went to the Farmers Market in Columbus? I bought a candle exactly like this one…”

“Yeah, I remember,” Blaine replied in a soft voice.

Kurt picked a set of gardenia-scented white candles, and a big cinnamon one. “I love these. We should get one for your apartment…”

“Oh, no, that's fine,” Blaine shrugged. “My apartment's a dumpster. There's no use for a candle there…”

“Well, you could pick up all those dirty clothes and make your bed, if you wanted it to stop looking like a dumpster…” Kurt said distractedly as he scanned through the candles for another one he might want to buy. “Maybe we can find a big basket for your laundry…”

Blaine rolled his eyes but said nothing.

Kurt giggled with his nose pressed against a soft red candle. “You know what this one reminds me of?”

Blaine took a few steps closer to sniff the candle that Kurt held out for him. “Smells like raspberry to me…”

“It smells like the hair gel you used to use,” Kurt added the candle to the ones already in his arms. Blaine, again, stayed silent. “When did you stop using it, anyway?”

“I'm not sure…” Blaine shrugged again. God, Kurt had no idea how to draw him out, how to pry him out of his shell. “Maybe after I dropped out of college. I'm not… some days are a bit of a… a bit of a blur…”

Kurt frowned. Everything that came out of Blaine's mouth seemed heavy. The stories he wasn't telling weighed Kurt down – there was so much about Blaine's life that he didn't understand, couldn't even imagine. How could he help a man he didn't even know how to reach out to? “Do you want to, uhm, talk about it? College?” He offered as casually as he could.

“No,” Blaine said firmly, but not unkindly.

Kurt moved up to the counter to pay for his candles and allowed Blaine a minute on his own. Something about his stiff posture told him he might need it. When he was done, he approached him and held out a little bag to him. Blaine raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

“I got two for you,” he explained with a quick shrug. “In case you change your mind about tidying up your place.”

Blaine peeked into the bag. The cinnamon candle had a powerful but pleasant scent that had reminded Kurt of coffee dates and Sunday afternoons baking in the Hummel's kitchen. The raspberry candle was supposed to hold a light for the boy Blaine had once been, and Kurt hoped it would help Blaine remember who he could be, if he wanted to.

He watched as Blaine swallowed and nodded jerkily, and wondered if maybe he wasn't approaching this in entirely the wrong way.

“Thank you,” he muttered tightly.

They kept walking through the market, stopping every now and then when something caught their attention. Blaine took him to a stall that sold amazing skin care products, and Kurt clapped in enthusiasm, always eager to find something new to add to his night time regime.

“I think I'm going to get some for Carole,” Kurt said thoughtfully, which resulted in him spending half an hour talking to the seller about different types of skin and what the best treatment for them were while Blaine stood a few steps from them, with a slow smile making its way onto his face as he watched Kurt talk.

He asked Blaine to show him the antique shop next, where he spent another half an hour looking through their brooch collection.

“I have a green shirt that would look amazing with this one,” he commented as he examined a silver elephant-shaped brooch with emerald-green eyes, completely unaware of how Blaine's gaze was fixed on him, steady but vulnerable, intent but so very lost.

The clothing stalls were an adventure with Kurt – he loved perusing through the piles of shirts, scarves and vintage blazers. There could be so many treasures in a market like this, if you knew what to look for.

“You know, I should write an article about this for work,” he said distractedly, laying another shirt over Blaine's arms, standing patiently next to him, holding everything he found worth buying. “We get so distracted by labels in Vogue, that we forget the amazing things you can find in places like this…”

The next shop they stopped at had an impressive variety of hats, and Kurt's eyes widened almost comically, as he practically thrust his bags at Blaine to get to them. That was the first time in a decade that he heard Blaine chuckling – it wasn't the happiest sound on Earth, but it was something, and it paralyzed him for a second, making him turn to face the boy he had loved so strongly.

“Are you laughing at me, Anderson?” He teased, narrowing his eyes, hoping to keep things light and easy between them.

Blaine sighed and smirked at him. “Some things never change…”

“Shut up and help me take some pictures. This will be the best inspiration for work…” He replied, fishing his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and clicking on the camera button before passing it to Blaine.

As soon as he started trying on some hats and striking silly poses for Blaine, time seemed to fade away. They were two seventeen year old boys again, being silly and in love, enjoying a summer day together back in Ohio. Blaine's face relaxed and he suddenly looked so much younger, as if whatever weight he had been carrying around on his shoulders had disappeared. Kurt never wanted this moment to end…

Blaine began laughing when Kurt's poses got sillier, but before Kurt could actually let the amazing sound wash all over him, it died as an older woman stood beside Blaine and smiled at him.

“Would you like me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend? I bet you would love to get a picture together…”

Kurt knew the woman was just being kind, and in any other circumstances, he would've appreciated it. “Oh! Oh, no… we're not… he's not…”

“I really don't mind!” She said sweetly. “You two are a very cute couple.”

Blaine's face was a little pale and his eyes looked dull and empty once again. He didn't even seem to realize what was happening around him, because the woman was pushing him towards Kurt with a smile, reaching for Kurt's phone.

Kurt was about to comply, because it seemed like the easiest way out, but Blaine turned to the woman and snapped at her, “We're not a couple and I don't want a picture with him. Get lost.”

The woman looked at him in shock and took a step back. Blaine looked so incredibly dangerous right then, like he was capable of anything if she so much as breathed too loudly. She raised her hands in apology. “I'm sorry. I just wanted to help. I just thought…”

“Get. Lost.” Blaine said through clenched teeth and the woman didn't need to hear those words again. She practically ran away from Blaine, bumping into a teenager in her haste.

It was like being outside the bar again, with Blaine pushing him against the wall and losing control. But with the anger directed at someone else, Kurt wasn't scared – he was just endlessly sad.

“Blaine…” He whispered, approaching him carefully. “You didn't have to… she was just being nice.”

Blaine's entire frame was shaking and he seemed to be having trouble breathing normally. He closed his eyes for a moment. “She should have minded her own fucking business…”

Kurt rubbed his arm gently, pretending he didn't feel Blaine flinching under his touch. “You… you really scare me, when you act like that.”

Blaine's eyes opened abruptly and fixed on him. There was a storm in them, as if Blaine couldn't settle on just one feeling, so he had to go through all of them. There was something disturbing and sad deep down in them as he said, “I – I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” Kurt soothed him, and smiled a little. “There's no need to let this ruin our day, right? Come on, I need to buy some fabulous hats.”

He didn't realize he was holding Blaine's hand until he was tugging him along, feeling his hand trembling in his own, and knowing that, even though letting go of it would have been the best, it was too late to let it fall.

*

It took a while for Blaine to get distracted and forget about what had happened. Kurt kept the conversation light and made the stupidest jokes he could think of, hoping to get a smile out of him. He made him try on a million fedoras, remembering how amazing he had looked in them in high school, but it just wasn't the same without the cute bowties and cardigans. He didn't know what to do with Blaine's current style – except burn all his t-shirts and get him jeans that fit better.

By the time they finished walking around the Farmers Market, they were both starving. Kurt wanted to go over to The Grove and find a nice restaurant to eat at, but Blaine said he had a better idea, and took them back to the food section in the market, where he bought bread, cheese and fresh spinach and fruits.

“Are we going back to your place to cook? Because I don't think I'll make it there; I'll have to eat that bread on the bus,” Kurt said, and his stomach roared in protest.

Blaine shook his head. “Nope. We're not going back yet and you need to wait until we get there to eat.”

Blaine allowed him to get a cup of coffee that would help him calm his hunger and then guided him back to the bus stop. They sat together and enjoyed the quiet ride, Kurt sipping his coffee, Blaine sitting by the window and closing his eyes as the sunlight kissed his golden skin.

Kurt wasn't sure if the ride was actually longer or if it just seemed so because he was so terribly hungry, but when they finally reached their stop, he felt as if he had been on that bus for hours. He stretched his arms over his head and threw his empty cup into a trash can.

“Where are we?”

“This is Pacific Palisades,” Blaine said, as he made a gesture for Kurt to follow him. “It's my favorite beach. I thought we could have a picnic?”

Kurt grinned widely at him. “That's a wonderful idea.”

They walked down to the beach. It was pretty much deserted, the sounds of the city drowned by the crashing waves and the birds flying high above the water. It was a beautiful view and Kurt took a deep breath, loving the salty scent of the sea all around him.

Blaine found a nice spot for them, but then bit his lip. “Oh. I didn't realize… you probably don't want to sit on the sand and ruin your clothes. I'm sorry, I'll go find some…”

Kurt plopped down on the sand before he could even finish talking and smiled up at him. “See? The world didn't end. I'm fine. Now come sit next to me and give me food.”

Blaine chuckled, but sat beside him. He used the bag with the groceries to keep the food out of the sand and opened the fruit containers before fixing Kurt a spinach and cheese sandwich. “This isn't the best lunch you can get in Los Angeles, but…”

“It's perfect,” Kurt smiled blissfully as he accepted his sandwich, eyes locked on Blaine.

He would have sworn Blaine blushed, before he ducked his head and started working on his own sandwich.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Kurt was chewing slowly on a strawberry when Blaine spoke again.

“So, I… I've been meaning to ask you…” He hesitated, and it was obvious that whatever question he had was important to him. Kurt shifted a little to face him, hoping that knowing he had his total attention would encourage him. “How's your dad doing?”

Blaine's words struck Kurt's heart. He remembered the conversation he had had with his father just a few days ago, and realized that it wasn't just that his dad had lost a boy he had loved as much as he would have loved his own son – Blaine had lost the only man who had been a father to him.

“He's great,” Kurt answered with a smile. “He hasn't had any major health scares in years and he's taking care of himself. He actually… he actually asked about you. I think it was really hard on him, not seeing you again. He really loved you. He really loves you.”

Blaine swallowed with difficulty and put his food aside. “I'm sure he is happier this way. Why would he want me around? I thought he would be mad at me, and I didn't want to… it was too much.”

“You were like a son to him, and you know that,” Kurt assured him gently, wishing he could grab his hand, but not knowing if it was a good idea. “Hell, he still has pictures of you all over the house. Of course he cares about you. He misses you. I think he would really like it if you gave him a call.”

“I don't really have much to say,” Blaine kept his eyes down, as if the sand at his feet was too fascinating to look away. “But I'm glad he's okay. I know he gave you and Carole a hard time when you wanted to change his diet and asked him to cut his hours at the shop…”

Kurt decided it was better not to insist, even though he wanted to tell Blaine how happy Burt would have been to hear his voice even if it was just to say hello. But Kurt knew that pushing Blaine wouldn't help at all. “Well, he has a better reason to take care of himself now. He's a grandpa. If he wants to see his grandson grow up, he needs to stay healthy.”

“Grandson?” Blaine finally glanced up at him. “Finn?”

“And Rachel,” Kurt nodded. God, who would have thought that his step brother and his best friend would actually last so long and have a happy life together? They had been a mess back in high school. “My dad's absolutely besotted with the baby, and I'm pretty sure Carole was in tears for a month after he was born. He's really adorable, and has all of us wrapped around his little finger already. The only problem is that Rachel called him Chester, so she could shorten it to…”

“Oh no, she didn't!”

“Yes, she did!”

“Che?” Blaine asked warily.

“Yes! Isn't she insane?”

The sound of Blaine's laughter filled the beach. Kurt found himself completely unable to look away from him – it was like staring at a firework, watching it fly up to the sky and explode in a million brilliant colors. It was utterly mesmerizing.

“Wow. She hasn't changed at all,” he shook his head, but there was a fond smile on his face, that vanished as soon as he noticed it was there. He cleared his throat. “Well, Burt is the best father in the world, so I bet he's the greatest grandfather to ever exist,” Blaine added softly and awkwardly.

“He really is,” Kurt grabbed a bottle of water, uncapped it and took a little sip. He waited a second, trying to make up his mind, not knowing how badly Blaine would react if he said this… but then he decided to go for it, hoping it would get him to open up and talk. “You know, I… I met your nieces the other day. They are gorgeous.”

He knew it was the wrong thing to say only a second after the words were out of his mouth. Blaine's face fell completely and he looked sick and exhausted.

“I'm sure they are. I… I haven't seen them in years,” he admitted and the sadness in his voice wasn't very well hidden. “Is Cooper… uhm, how is he?”

“He's fine. Older. Wiser, I think,” Kurt muttered, looking at the ocean undulating before them. “He seemed worried about you…”

“He's better off without me,” Blaine said immediately, as if he didn't want to leave room for discussion. “We both know that.”

“Blaine, I…” Kurt turned to face him again, but Blaine was completely closed off again, refusing to look at him. He was stiff and he had his arms wrapped around his knees, as if it was the only way to hold himself together. “I won't pretend that I understand what is going on with you, because I have no idea and I can't relate to it, but I… if there's anything…”

“Do you love him?” Blaine interrupted, startling him.

“I… what?”

“Your fiancé. Do you love him?” Blaine repeated and his eyes were completely unreadable.

“Yes, of course. He's… he's good. We make sense together,” Kurt replied, not sure where this was going.

Blaine nodded and Kurt waited and waited for him to say something else, but he never did. After a couple of minutes, he stood abruptly and started gathering their things.

“We should go. It's getting late and I have to tend the bar tonight,” he said, and he was once again avoiding Kurt's gaze like the plague.

Kurt frowned. He had ruined this day, hadn't he? Every time he had opened his mouth, he had given Blaine reasons to look more and more dejected and exhausted. Why couldn't he find the right words to make Blaine see that all he wanted to do was help? “Oh. Okay, yeah.”

What Kurt failed to understand was that one day – even if it had been lovely, even if the ghost of Blaine's smile was enough to light up an entire room – couldn't fix years of loneliness, sadness and regret. Blaine's pain was too deep to be erased with just a little picnic at the beach and mindless hand-holding. He had walked down one way streets and he couldn't find a way out. He was trapped at the end of a tunnel and no matter how far Kurt's arm stretched, he couldn't offer his hand to Blaine to help him out.

He couldn't save Blaine because Blaine didn't want to be saved, and one simple day wouldn't change his mind about that.

*