Dec. 26, 2014, 6 p.m.
The Awakening: Chapter 4
E - Words: 5,118 - Last Updated: Dec 26, 2014 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/? - Created: Jul 25, 2014 - Updated: Jul 25, 2014 173 0 0 0 0
Lots of questions were answered in this chapter, but I'm sure there are a few new ones, as well! I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think!
I'll see you again on Saturday! Have a lovely week!
Love,
L.-
Surprisingly, it was Blaine who spoke first. Kurt had been expecting to see Blaine, so he should have been prepared to face him, but he was speechless, rooted to his spot, staring stunned at the stranger in front of him.
He knew it was Blaine, but a part of him refused to believe it. It was like seeing a shadow of the boy he had known so well. His body seemed a lot stronger, with muscles under his bronzed skin where once there had been smoothness that Kurt had trailed with his fingertips. His hair was wilder, released from the prison of gel Blaine had imposed on it during high school. But even though those were minor changes, so easy to see with just a quick glance, Kurt found the biggest difference in Blaine's eyes.
He remembered those eyes – he felt guilty admitting that they still haunted him in dreams; dreams that were sweet and dreams that were painful. They had been one of his absolute favorite parts of Blaine, so warm, honest and accessible, an open book where Blaine allowed Kurt to read even the most intimate passages of his soul.
Now, they were so dull and lifeless; they could've just as well belonged to anyone else.
“Well, shit. Am I still drunk? I should stay the fuck away from tequila next time…”
Those words shocked Kurt. They sounded so foreign and uncharacteristic in Blaine's smooth voice, who had always been so polite and only swore in the darkness of their bedrooms during passionate, heated moments.
“Uhm,” Kurt hesitated. “Hi, Blaine.”
Blaine leaned against the doorway and looked at him without saying anything for a few seconds. It was unnerving. “Hello.”
“I know this is probably weird and unexpected, but I need to talk to you,” Kurt said, trying to sound confident. For god's sake, he wasn't an insecure teenager anymore. He was almost thirty, well-respected and fabulous. This was ridiculous.
Blaine yawned, looking bored. Kurt forced himself not to stare at the muscles of his throat straining with the motion. “Really, now.”
“Yeah,” Kurt cleared his throat and stood straighter. He motioned towards the apartment. “Can I come in? I don't want to do this in the hallway.”
Blaine scratched his belly (his taut, taut belly) lazily, but didn't move. “I don't know… it's too early for this and I'm still hung over as fuck.”
“It's… it's eleven thirty in the morning, Blaine. I don't have much time, come on,” Kurt insisted.
Blaine chuckled humorlessly. “Of course you don't have time. When did you ever have time for anyone else?” He muttered under his breath. Kurt opened his mouth, indignantly, ready to reply to that, but Blaine didn't give him a chance. “Look, I'm sorry, but whatever you want will have to wait. I need like four more hours of sleep and some fucking bacon before I can deal with talking to you.”
Kurt stared incredulously as Blaine began to close the door, putting his hand up to stop him. “This is important, Blaine. I need to talk to you.”
“Right,” Blaine murmured, half asleep and obviously not interested. “Slide your phone number under the door and maybe I'll call you when I wake up.”
Kurt was about to protest, but then he was completely alone. The door was already closed and Blaine was gone.
Kurt stood there for a few minutes, trying to understand what the hell had just happened.
*
Kurt spent the rest of the day in his hotel room, confused and frustrated, replaying his short interaction with Blaine in his head over and over. There were so many puzzle pieces missing… he couldn't understand how Blaine had become the man he was now, how he had alienated his family and his friends and turned into a man who had one night stands on Mondays and was hung over as hell on Tuesdays. The man he had just met didn't match the memory Kurt had kept tucked away in a safe place in his heart, where he still thought of Blaine as the boy who had made him feel loved for the first time, instead of the boy who contaminated that happy memory with pain.
Nothing made sense. What the hell had happened?
Blaine didn't call. What if he never called? What was Kurt supposed to do? He needed to talk to him, needed Blaine to sign those papers. He was afraid to even look away from his phone in case he missed his call…
But when the day started shifting into night, Kurt realized Blaine had no intention of calling him whatsoever.
Kurt dropped his face in his hands, feeling desperate. How was he going to get out of this mess?
Kurt nearly jumped off the bed when his phone began to ring, and rushed to accept the call, before Blaine changed his mind…
“Hello!” He exclaimed, a bit breathless.
“Hey, kiddo,” a familiar voice that definitely didn't belong to Blaine said from the other end. It was his dad. For the first time in his life, Kurt was almost disappointed to hear him. “Are you busy? Carole and I can't remember the name of the movie you recommended we watch…”
Kurt closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “I…”
“What's wrong?” Burt asked immediately. It still shocked Kurt how quickly his father was able to notice when something was up with him.
With a long sigh, Kurt decided it was best to tell Burt the truth. His dad always knew how to make him feel better, how to help him see things clearer, how to find a solution for his problems. If ever there was a time when Kurt needed his guidance, this was it. “Dad, I'm…”
“Is it Alex? Is it the wedding? Do you need me to fly to New York?” Burt shot the questions at him, one after the other, faster than Kurt could process them.
“No, no, Dad, it's not that…” Kurt answered tiredly. “I mean, not really. Sort of. I'm… I'm in Los Angeles right now.”
“Los Angeles?” Burt repeated, perplexed. “Why? Did you two have a fight? Kurt, what the hell did he do?”
“Why are you assuming Alex did something wrong? Dad, please, the man's a saint,” Kurt murmured with an eye-roll.
“Then what happened? Why are you in California?”
Kurt hesitated for just a second. “I… I'm here to see Blaine.”
There was a brief moment of silent confusion. “Blaine? You haven't seen Blaine in years. What's going on, Kurt? Is he okay?”
Kurt groaned. “Gosh, it's complicated, and I'm still trying to absorb it myself, but apparently we got married while drunk at Mike Chang's bachelor party in Vegas…”
“What?” Burt's voice boomed through the phone so loudly, Kurt had to pull the device away from his ear to avoid becoming deaf. “Kurt, Mike and Tina have been married for years.”
“And it seems I've been married to Blaine for seven years, yes,” Kurt explained. He still couldn't believe this. He couldn't understand how he hadn't found out about it before. “I don't know how it happened, Dad. It came out when Alex and I went to get our marriage license.”
“And what are you doing in Los Angeles now?” Burt asked.
“Blaine lives here. I need him to sign the divorce papers,” Kurt replied and then sighed in exhaustion. “This is all so messed up.”
“Have you seen him yet?” Burt spoke quietly.
“Yeah, just for a second this morning. I've been waiting for him to call me back all day. The idiot didn't even…”
“How is he doing?” His father interrupted and Kurt frowned.
“Are you serious right now? Dad, I can't get married to my fiancé because I'm married to my ex-boyfriend, the boy who broke my heart, and all you do is ask about how he is doing since I mentioned his name?” Kurt realized he was practically yelling, but he was so frustrated, he couldn't help it.
“Look, Kurt, I get it. You're upset and you're stressed,” Burt began, and Kurt could tell his father had a few things to say. “But you can't blame me for wanting to know how the boy is doing. I haven't heard from him in a decade. And before you say another word, yes, I know, he cheated on you, and that's something I'll never condone, but you two were just kids back then, and you can't tell me you were a perfect boyfriend either. Maybe you never cheated on him, but…”
“I cannot believe you are taking his side,” Kurt laughed disbelievingly. It was a bitter, shocked sound. “I always suspected you would forgive anything he did, but I can't believe you're actually admitting it. He's the boy who broke your son's heart!”
“And, like I said, I don't condone what he did, Kurt. There aren't sides to take, he hurt you and you hurt him, and I understand both of you, even if I don't approve of what he did. But… kiddo, you have to see this my way, too. I loved that kid to death. He was like a son to me, and I damn well know I was a father to him, one he really needed. I was sad when things ended between you two, and I thought you would find your way to be back together. I was worried about him, just as much as I was worried about you. I heard he moved away at the end of the school year and I never saw him again…” Burt paused, suddenly sounding as tired as Kurt felt. “I know this feels like some kind of betrayal to you, but it's not, Kurt. You will always be first, and I made sure you knew that, from the time you were just a little boy. But Blaine… that kid had no one, Kurt, no one to put him first, to make sure he knew he was a priority and that he was loved. You were his entire world, and you brought him into our lives. You can't blame me for loving him like he was one of my own sons, just like you can't blame me for loving Finn. We don't have the same blood, but we are still a family.”
Kurt had been stunned into absolute silence. He had always known his father had taken to Blaine – they used to watch sports together, Blaine visited Burt in the garage at least once a week, and he was always there for Friday night dinner – but he had never known just how much the relationship with the boy had meant to his dad.
“I'm sorry if this hurts you, Kurt. You know I would never do anything to hurt you in any way. I just… I needed to be honest with you, buddy.”
Kurt let out a sound that was halfway between a sob and a laugh. “Despite whatever bond you created with Blaine, I can't believe you still love him more than my fiancé. You like the boy who broke my heart a thousand times more than you like the man I'm about to marry.”
He could practically hear Burt frown all the way from Ohio. “Who says I don't like Alex? I think he's a good man.”
“Come on, Dad. Even Alex knows you're the president of the Blaine Anderson fan club,” Kurt replied. “I can't force you to love my future husband as much as you loved Blaine, but can't you at least be more subtle?”
There was a moment of silence that Kurt took to mean his father was agreeing to his request without wanting to admit his son was right. “You never answered my question. How is Blaine?”
Kurt let himself fall backwards until he was lying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. “I'm not sure. I only saw him for about a minute before he pretty much slammed the door in my face. But he's… different. Very different.” Kurt stopped, remembering the boy he knew and the man he had seen this morning. “He's nothing like the boy I fell in love with. He's like a completely different person now and I… I don't know. I don't think you'd like the man he became, Dad.”
The words fell between them, heavy and charged with more questions neither had the answers to.
“What are you going to do, Kurt?” Burt asked then, and that seemed the heaviest of questions.
Kurt sighed. “I'm going to find a way to make him sign those damn papers and then I'm going to get on a plane and go home to my fiancé,” he answered honestly. “It's been ten years, Dad. There's nothing else for me to do.”
There was a pause, heavy with the words Burt wasn't saying, but Kurt was glad he didn't get into it. He already had a headache.
For the first time in his life, talking to his father about something that was troubling him didn't help Kurt in the slightest.
*
Kurt startled awake the next morning, still in yesterday's clothes, with his cell phone gripped tightly in his hand. He couldn't remember falling asleep. He had been so scared of missing Blaine's call if he did, that he tried distracting himself with reality television, sitting on his bed without getting undressed, convinced that would help. It had been in vain, apparently, and now he didn't only have a crick in his neck from sleeping in the most uncomfortable position ever… he was also furious.
What was Blaine's deal? Why couldn't he even bother contacting Kurt? Didn't he understand that it was urgent for them to talk? Couldn't Blaine get the hint, considering they hadn't talked in a decade, that whatever Kurt had hunted him down to discuss was probably important?
Seeing his ex-boyfriend, so different from the boy he had fallen in love with, had confused Kurt so much, he wasn't sure how to proceed any more. He hadn't expected this to be so hard. He wasn't foolish enough to expect it to be easy either – it was bound to be awkward, at least – but he had expected Blaine to co-operate. He hadn't expected Blaine to raise a wall between them before Kurt even had the chance to explain.
Kurt banged the phone down on the bedside table, and was immediately afraid he had cracked the screen. After checking for damages and finding it unscathed, though, he gave a long, frustrated sigh, and looked out the window. It was late morning already, and he wasn't sure how to approach the issue at hand. Would returning to Blaine's apartment solve anything? He needed to talk to him, to force him to listen, but something told him that Kurt needed to understand a bit better first.
He needed answers, and there was only one man who could provide them.
*
Waiting all day was difficult, but Kurt knew it was his best option to ensure he caught him at home. The house would be empty if he went earlier, so he summoned the patience he didn't have and waited until the afternoon shifted into evening before making his way back to Cooper's home.
Kurt exhaled in relief at finding both cars were parked in the driveway when he arrived. As he walked up to the front door, he let his blue eyes wander up towards the house – most of the lights were on, so if he needed any further confirmation that the family was inside, now he had it.
Kurt wasn't sure how Cooper would react to a second visit or if he would even want to talk to Kurt again. Talking about Blaine didn't seem to be something Cooper was precisely eager to do, so Kurt imagined asking about his little brother for a second time in two days would just be pushing it a little. He hoped Cooper was in a good mood, at least.
He knocked and waited, rocking back and forth on his heels, slightly, needing to channel his anxiety somehow. It didn't take long for the door to open, but it felt like an eternity to Kurt – he just wanted to be on a plane back home, to New York.
Cooper appeared before him, wearing a light blue button down with the sleeves rolled up and the top two buttons undone. His messy hair and wrinkled pants made him look more casual than Kurt had ever seen him. He was also wearing a smile that made him look ten years younger, and Kurt could hear the girls' voices travelling from somewhere else in the house.
“Come on, Daddy, it's your turn!”
“Just a minute, baby girls!” Cooper called over his shoulder, before turning back to Kurt. The smile disappeared gradually as he studied Kurt attentively. “I knew I would be seeing you again…”
“I'm so sorry for bothering you again,” Kurt muttered sincerely. Their previous encounter had been sufficiently awkward and Kurt hadn't intended to go through it again. “It's just…”
When Kurt couldn't find the words, Cooper seemed to understand, because he simply nodded and moved aside, allowing Kurt to step into the house. “Come on in.”
“Darling? Who's at the door?” Madison's voice said from down the hall, before she peeked her head around the corner to see. She seemed surprised to find Kurt there. “Oh, hey! How are you?”
“Hi, Madison. I'm really sorry for dropping by uninvited again…” Kurt said uncomfortably.
“Oh, that's no problem at all. We're about to sit for dinner. Would you like to join us?” She asked politely.
Kurt glanced at Cooper. “I can make this very quick. I just… I have a few questions.”
Cooper put a hand on his shoulder and smiled bitterly at him. “If this is about Blaine, it won't be quick, I'm afraid. Let's eat something and we can talk after.”
Kurt hesitated for only a second. His need to know more was stronger than his need to escape the awkwardness. “Okay. Thank you.”
He followed Cooper into the living room, where the girls were sitting on the floor, around what looked like a Barbie board game. Kurt hadn't had much of a chance to really look at them the previous day, but he was struck now by their resemblance to Cooper. The twins were all Anderson – from the bone structure to the wavy hair and the stunning eyes. Kurt was sure he could even see some of Blaine in them, if he looked carefully enough.
One of the girls stood slowly and hugged her father's leg. “Who's this, Daddy?”
“This is Kurt,” Cooper informed, stroking his daughter's hair affectionately and smiling down at her. “He's, uhm, an old friend of mine.”
The other girl stood, too, but offered her hand to Kurt confidently. Kurt had to bite back a smile. She seemed to have inherited Cooper's open personality. “Hi, I'm Ava.”
“Hi, Ava. Nice to meet you,” Kurt said with a smile.
“She's my sister. Her name is Olivia,” Ava continued, pointing at her twin, who was still glued to their father.
“Hi, Olivia,” Kurt offered, leaning a little closer and waving at her.
Olivia waved shyly, but didn't move from her shelter behind her father's legs.
“Cooper? Can you get the girls to wash their hands? Dinner's ready!” Madison called from the kitchen.
“Of course, sweetheart!” Cooper replied, taking his daughters' hands. He gestured towards the next room. “Make yourself comfortable in the dining room. I'll be right back.”
Kurt wandered into the dining room just as Madison was carrying a huge bowl of mashed potatoes into the room and putting it down on the table. There were another two bowls with peas and salad, and a big plate with grilled chicken fillets. It looked homey and welcoming, and Kurt couldn't recall the last time he had had a real homemade meal, with all the fixings – he had been so busy with work and the wedding plans lately, that all he could remember eating was take-out. Alex wasn't as skilled as he was in the kitchen, but Kurt simply couldn't find the time to buy and prepare enough ingredients for a nice dinner.
“I'm sorry for interrupting your family time and dinner,” Kurt said, a little embarrassed. He should've thought this through a little better. “I didn't mean to cause any trouble.”
“Oh, please, it's no trouble at all,” Madison assured him warmly. “There's plenty of food for all of us and… well, if I have to be honest, I'm sort of relieved that you are here. Cooper doesn't really talk about it, but I know he worries about his brother…”
“What happened to Blaine? I saw him yesterday and…” Kurt shook his head sadly, not knowing how to describe what he had found.
Madison's lips formed a tight, straight line. She didn't seem very eager to talk about Blaine, either. “I think it would be better if you and Cooper talked about it. I'd rather not get involved…”
Kurt frowned in confusion. It had sounded like Madison was just as worried about Blaine as Cooper, but now she sounded uncomfortable, as if even the mention of her brother-in-law made her uneasy.
Before he could decide how to ask about Blaine, Cooper was back with the girls. Kurt was surrounded by the commotion made by the tiny tornadoes, as the girls took their seats and had their plates filled. He watched Cooper and Madison interacting with the girls, and felt like he was in a different world. His nephew was the only kid he was used to having around, and Chester didn't do much except for sleeping, eating and crying when he needed his diaper changed. Kurt knew that it wouldn't be like that for very long – he was Rachel Berry's son, after all, – but this was different. Cooper was different. The Anderson boys had certainly changed a lot and in very unexpected ways since he had last seen them. Cooper was a nice surprise – he seemed happy and he clearly loved his family very much – but Blaine… Blaine was a whole different matter, altogether.
Ava didn't want her peas and Olivia wasn't thrilled about the chicken, and Kurt watched the little family interact, argue about such simple things, and tried not to scream at the top of his lungs. It was like being back in Ohio, trapped in the triviality of it all, and wishing with all his heart he could escape and find a better and more exciting life for himself out there. California was nothing like Ohio, but right now he needed New York. He wanted the fast pace and crowded streets, the full schedule and the hectic social life. How had Cooper ended like this? For men like Cooper and himself, family life sounded suffocating. They had always wanted so much – and though Kurt had once dreamed about having kids, he couldn't picture himself with them now. It seemed like all children would end up doing would be slowing him down, and there was still so much Kurt wanted to do and see…
When they finally finished eating, Madison ushered them to the living room so they could talk, and Kurt would've sighed in relief if it wasn't because he didn't want to be rude. Cooper made sure the girls were gone before he turned to Kurt.
“So…” He started, letting Kurt take the conversation wherever he needed it to go.
“I'm guessing you know why I'm here again,” Kurt muttered, taking a seat and looking up at Cooper.
“Well, I know you're not here to get a different address where you can find Blaine, because you know that's the only one I had… so yeah, I guess you found him and now you want answers,” Cooper replied with fake calm. He began picking the toys the girls had left around the room and throwing them into a big pink basket by the wall.
“He looked… awful,” Kurt said, for lack of a better word. “What the hell happened to him, Cooper?”
Cooper didn't answer right away. He took his time to phrase his answer carefully. “He made some bad decisions.”
“I can see that,” Kurt exclaimed. “But I don't understand. He's nothing like the boy I knew. I barely recognized him, Cooper. Why didn't you tell me?”
“Because it wouldn't have made a difference if I did. You still would've gone seen him.”
Kurt couldn't argue with that, but he still wasn't happy that Cooper hadn't even warned him about what he was going to find when he knocked on Blaine's door. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why did you give up on him?”
That seemed to get Cooper's attention. He turned to Kurt abruptly and pointed at him with the teddy bear he had just grabbed from the floor. “I did not give up on him. He gave up on himself.” His voice was tight and strained, and Kurt guessed this was a sensitive topic. “You have no idea how many times I saved his sorry ass, how many times I tried to talk some sense into him, how many times I defended him even though I knew he was wrong. He jeopardized my marriage more times than I can count because he couldn't stay out of trouble, couldn't keep his shit together, and I had to make a choice, Kurt. I love him to death but he's not a kid anymore, and I have my own family now. He can't come first anymore.”
Kurt was more and more confused with every word Cooper said. “I don't understand! I mean, yeah, he was a mess when I saw him. There was a guy walking out of his apartment, someone he had obviously hooked up with the previous night, and he was still drunk and his vocabulary wasn't what you would expect from a Dalton boy, but… I don't get it, Cooper. This is Blaine we're talking about, how did he end up like this?”
“He exploded. You know how he is, always bottling everything up inside until he can't take it anymore, and then he snaps. Only this time… the explosion was so big it couldn't be contained. He dropped out of college a semester before graduation, started hooking up with anyone who had a pulse and then… then he started drinking.” Cooper sounded defeated, as he sank into the couch. If he had looked ten years younger when he opened the door for Kurt an hour ago, now he looked ten years older. “I thought he was having some sort of crisis, that he would get over it soon… but he didn't. I tried talking to him, I tried to convince him to go back to school, but he wouldn't listen. The only time he seemed like his old self was when he was around the girls. So I invited him over every weekend, put the babies in his arms and hoped for a miracle.” Cooper ran a hand through his hair and sighed sadly. “Then one night, he convinced Madison and I to go out for dinner for our anniversary. He convinced us to let him babysit, and I was sure everything would be alright, that a night in with his nieces would settle him, help him see that he was making a mistake…”
Kurt felt a chill down his spine. He had a feeling this wasn't going to end well.
“Madison and I arrived home around midnight, and we could hear the babies crying from outside,” Cooper continued, and it was obvious that he was trying to control his rage, because his voice trembled slightly with every word. “Madison went to the girls and I found Blaine passed out drunk on the couch. The room was a wreck, Kurt. There were empty bottles and shattered glass everywhere, and all he was able to say to me was that he had been watching a movie that set him off and he lost control. He lost control, Kurt, while being in charge of my daughters. My six month old babies had been screaming at the top of their lungs for God knows how long, and his only excuse was that a movie had upset him. What was I supposed to do? I kicked him out of the house, told him I didn't want to see him again anywhere near my family until he got his act together, and I haven't seen him since. It fucking broke my heart to do it, Kurt, but I can't have him around my daughters. I just can't.”
Kurt hated to admit it, but he knew Cooper was right. Those sweet little girls could have been hurt that night, and he understood now why Madison had sounded so torn between being worried about Blaine and not wanting to know anything about him.
They were silent for a few minutes. Cooper had explained, and now he was allowing Kurt some time to process. It was still difficult to connect the sweet boy they had all known to the man Blaine was now. There were still many blanks to fill, Kurt discovered; Cooper hadn't answered every question he had, but at least he knew why the brothers had grown apart.
“Did he sign those papers for you?” Cooper asked at last, watching Kurt intently.
Kurt shook his head tiredly. “No. He didn't even let me explain why I'm here.”
Cooper sighed once more and stood. It seemed like the conversation was over. Kurt guessed there wasn't much more they could say. “I'm sorry. I wish I could help you, but…”
“It's okay. I get it,” Kurt smiled sadly at him. “I'll find a way to talk to him. He'll have to listen, one way or the other.”
Cooper didn't look very convinced at all. “Good luck with that.”
*