When his arm reached to wrap around Kurt and only found emptiness, Blaine woke up, confused, in the middle of the night. He allowed himself a second to remember if they had made different plans this time and to look around and make sure he was in his apartment, but when all he saw was Kurt's bedroom in shadows, barely visible in the dim light coming in the windows, he frowned. He felt something shifting near the foot of the bed and it turned out to be Brownie, who apparently had sneaked in there sometime after they had fallen asleep. He was sure Kurt had fallen asleep before he had, but… where was he now?

Thinking maybe he had gotten up to drink some water or go to the bathroom, Blaine lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to come back, but when five minutes passed and Kurt still wasn't in bed next to him, he started to worry. He turned the lamp on and got out of bed, picking up a pair of sweatpants from the floor to wear.

The apartment was as empty as Kurt's side of the bed. Just one glance around was enough to know that. The only other living being there was Robert, who had invaded the couch and was sleeping soundly. But there were no signs of the man he had been holding in his arms not more than two hours ago.

After a few minutes of panic, he found him exactly where he should've looked for Kurt first: the bakery's kitchen. He had his apron on top of that hoodie he kept stealing from Blaine and his hair was disheveled. The counters were a mess of ingredients and flour and the heat of the oven instantly warmed Blaine when he stepped inside.

"Kurt?" He said softly.

Kurt jumped about a foot in the air and turned around to look at him with a hand on his heaving chest. "Oh Gosh, you scared me, Blaine."

"You scared me, too. I couldn't find you anywhere," Blaine answered, walking towards him.

"I'm sorry," Kurt smiled sweetly at him. "I just… I felt inspired. I had to come down here."

"You can always bake in the morning," Blaine said as he wrapped his arms around the other man's waist from behind, nuzzling into his neck, sleepily. "It's late, Kurt."

"I know. I'm sorry I woke you up…" Kurt arched a little back into Blaine a little, letting their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. "I had an idea for a new recipe and wanted to try it as soon as possible."

Blaine stayed where he was for a few minutes, feeling the way Kurt's body moved against his as he kept kneading or mixing or doing whatever it was he was doing. He kept his eyes closed and inhaled deeply, taking in the wonderful scent of his skin. He smelled a bit like his own cologne, too, and that made Blaine smile.

Then something occurred to him. He shifted enough so he could see Kurt's profile. His blue eyes were focusing on what his hands were doing and there was a relaxed expression on his face, but Blaine still felt he needed to ask him. "Everything's fine, right? This isn't some sort of midnight baking therapy session because you're upset about something?"

The way Kurt chuckled immediately eased him. "No, silly. I really did have an idea for something new and I wanted to try it. You have nothing to worry about. You can go back to bed, if you want."

Blaine sneaked his hands beneath the hem of the hoodie and slid them up Kurt's stomach, loving how his skin felt under his fingertips. Kurt shuddered almost imperceptibly. "I'd rather stay with you, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Kurt turned his head to the side just enough to capture Blaine's lips in his.

"Mm," Blaine sighed happily into the kiss. "What are you baking?"

"Cupcakes," Kurt replied. He finished mixing what he had in the bowl and reached for a cupcake pan to start filling it with the batter.

"What's so special about these cupcakes that they couldn't wait until the morning?" Blaine asked curiously.

Kurt untangled himself from Blaine's embrace and walked to the other counter, where the first batch of cupcakes was already finished and sitting on a tray, cooling. He picked one out and offered it to Blaine. "Try it."

"Okay…" Blaine took the cupcake, with a pale yellow buttercream icing and something that looked a lot like golden syrup elegantly dripping from the top of it.

"It's a coffee-flavored cupcake with buttercream whipped with honey instead of sugar, and a little touch of syrup on top. Is it good?" Kurt tilted his head to the side, biting his lip, evidently anxious to get Blaine's approval.

"That's a really unusual combination," Blaine took a tentative bite and, after chewing on it for a couple of seconds, he closed his eyes and nearly moaned. "Oh my God, Kurt, this is heavenly."

Kurt smiled brightly. "Is it?"

"Yes," he shoved the rest of the cupcake in his mouth. It really was good. The combination of flavors seemed to go together extraordinarily well, the sweetness from the syrup and honey contrasting with the bitterness of the coffee and the softness of the buttercream. "Forget I ever said anything. Stay up all night and bake more, please…"

Kurt laughed and rolled his eyes. "Great. Those are my new Blaine cupcakes."

He blinked a few times, stupidly, convinced he had heard wrong. "Your…?"

"My Blaine-inspired cupcakes," Kurt explained. "Remember I told you I make things based on the people in my life? Like that vegan cake you refused to try one of the first times you came over?"

"I'll never forget the Rachel cake," Blaine nodded solemnly. "I had to admit it was absolutely delicious once I tried it a few days later."

There was a brief moment of silence and then Blaine was hugging Kurt tightly against his chest.

"It's so sweet of you, I just…" Blaine shrugged, visibly touched. "I don't know what to say."

"I'm glad you liked them. It would've been kind of awkward if you didn't," Kurt leaned in and nuzzled their noses together.

"Can I ask you why I'm the unusual combination of ingredients?" Blaine asked teasingly, his fingers tracing circles on Kurt's hipbones.

"Those are the things I taste when I'm with you," Kurt said, his cheeks blushing slightly. "You always taste like coffee when we kiss, every time. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you had your last cup. The syrup is because it reminds me of that morning at my parents' house when we were having breakfast. You had a bit of syrup in the corner of your mouth and all I could think about was kissing it clean…" Admitting that made Kurt's cheeks blush harder.

Blaine's heart was beating so loudly inside his chest he was surprised Kurt couldn't hear it. "And what about the honey?"

"Your eyes," Kurt muttered, looking right into them. "They're always a combination of brown and gold, but when… when we're making love, they look like they're melting and turning into pools of warm honey…"

Blaine had to interrupt his words because kissing Kurt seemed vitally important. He cupped Kurt's face in his hands and brought him in for a passionate kiss. Kurt barely had time to kiss back when he was pulling back, trailing small, yet hungry kisses along his jaw and the column of his neck.

"I love you, Kurt, I love you so much…"

"I love you, too," Kurt buried his fingers in the mess of curls that Blaine's hair was and tugged on them to make Blaine's lips return to his. He kissed him deep and open mouthed for a couple of minutes, until he was breathless. "Let me turn the oven off and we can go back to bed…"

"Yes, please," Blaine practically whined, and let Kurt drag him towards the oven, his lips always in touch with some part of him.

"God, Blaine, if I've known you'd react like this just because of some cupcakes, I would've baked the biggest goddamn cake in the world…" Kurt moaned when Blaine's teeth scraped against a very sensitive part of his neck. He reached behind him and turned the oven off. "Take me to bed. Now."

Blaine started pulling him out of the kitchen, but stopped next to the counter and grabbed the bottle of syrup that Kurt had left there after decorating the cupcakes. "Maybe you can kiss me clean tonight…"

Kurt groaned and pushed Blaine out the door. "Oh, I will. But you're the one washing my sheets in the morning, Anderson. I'm not going to be responsible for the mess I make…"

"Yes, sir," Blaine purred. He purred.

Kurt decided, as he hurried to get Blaine upstairs and into his bedroom again, that he would have to sneak out of bed to bake more often if this was the result.

Blaine tried. He really, really did. He told himself to gather enough courage to tell Kurt it was better to cancel their date to the Christmas party, but every time he opened his mouth to try and discourage him about it, Kurt would look at him with those beautiful blue eyes or he would mention something about the suit he was planning to wear, or he was talking about how it was better not to drink too much at the party because they both needed to be up early to drive to Lima and spend Christmas with Burt, Carole and Finn.

"I wish we could stay longer, but we'll have to come back the very next day," Kurt had said sadly, while they were snuggling together on the couch at Blaine's apartment, glasses of red wine in their hands and just lazily admiring the way the fire danced inside the huge fireplace in Blaine's living room. "It's a really busy time for me. I can't keep the bakery closed as much as I'd like to. I need a break and I'd like to stay longer with my parents."

Blaine had just nodded, promising himself he would tell Kurt soon.

But he didn't. There was always something that would make him stop just when the words were about to come out of his mouth. And by the time the day of the party finally rolled around and he was standing at Kurt's doorway, he realized it was too late. He realized he had been a coward and now he would drag Kurt into a situation that he knew wouldn't turn out well. Blaine closed his eyes and sent up a silent prayer to whatever powers were listening that they could at least avoid a conflict with his father. Maybe if they stayed in a secluded corner, just sipping champagne and trying not to talk to anyone, he could keep Kurt away from Walter.

He sighed, annoyed with himself. He couldn't do anything right.

The door opened and Blaine found himself breathless. He had seen Kurt wearing many flawless outfits, but there was something about Kurt in a black, fitted suit, white shirt and blue skinny tie that did things to him. He looked absolutely stunning, with his hair so perfectly styled, as he put his long black coat on.

"Hey," he said with a smile, wrapping a scarf around his neck, the same blue tone as his tie. "Sorry if I'm a little late, I forgot to buy another can of hairspray so I had to…"

"You look so beautiful," Blaine blurted out, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Kurt's smile only made him even more breathless. "Why, thank you. You do, too."

Blaine knew that he couldn't ever compare the way he looked to how Kurt looked tonight. He was wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie underneath his coat. He hadn't really paid much attention to his clothes before leaving his apartment. He was too busy worrying about what could happen that night. The scarf around his neck was a red one Kurt had told him looked good on him.

"Shall we?" Kurt asked, closing the door.

"Yes," Blaine nodded awkwardly. "Uhm, the party is at a building just two blocks away from here. Do you want to walk or…?"

"Yeah, let's walk," Kurt wrapped his arm around Blaine's and moved close to him to keep warm. Blaine usually loved the proximity, but tonight it only added to the list of things to be worried about. If Kurt was exceptionally demonstrative at the party, it would be even more difficult to keep him off his dad's radar. Everyone would notice them. Everyone would look at them disapprovingly.

But when Kurt sighed in contentment against his neck, he couldn't say anything. He didn't want to upset him, or tell him something that could make him believe that Blaine didn't enjoy his closeness. He loved feeling Kurt so close. He just wasn't so sure his co-workers were going to be exactly accepting.

Kurt was talking, telling him about something related to the trip to Lima the next morning, but Blaine couldn't bring himself to pay attention to what he was saying. His brain was working faster than it had ever worked before, trying to come up with solutions for every possible problem they could encounter.

Kurt obviously noticed. They had stopped at a corner and were waiting for the traffic to stop to cross the street when he squeezed Blaine's forearm. "Are you okay? You're awfully quiet."

This is it. This is my chance. I can tell him now and we can turn around, go to his apartment and forget about this. We can just go to Lima tonight, I can give him an extra night with his family, Blaine thought, feeling his stomach twisting with nerves.

The cars stopped at the red light and Kurt started pulling at him to cross the street. He seemed almost eager to get to the party. Blaine had no idea what Kurt was expecting to find there, but he obviously was oblivious to how hostile his co-workers could be. Blaine couldn't help but find his enthusiasm almost endearing. He wondered if Kurt went to parties very often, if he liked to dance, if he was expecting to dance with him tonight…

"Yeah, I'm okay," he found himself saying, without knowing why. "Just tired."

"Oh. Well, we won't get much sleep tonight, but you can take a nap in the car tomorrow," Kurt leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I promise I'll keep my singing to a minimum."

Blaine felt tempted to stop and bang his head against the nearest wall in frustration.

They reached the party venue quickly. Too quickly, in Blaine's opinion. It was a very elegant place and Kurt looked around the fancy lobby with interest as Blaine gave his name to the guy in charge of the guest list. Once they entered, they stopped to leave their coats. The room where the party was taking place was huge. There was music, though nothing exactly modern or danceable and waiters walking around, trays full of glasses of champagne, making sure everyone had a drink in their hands. There were lots of men in expensive suits and women in beautiful dresses around them.

"Want to get something to drink?" Blaine asked quietly, as he looked around, searching for a good spot to take shelter in for the rest of the night and go as unnoticed as possible.

"Of course," Kurt answered, smiling.

They only took one step before being intercepted for the first time.

"Mr. Anderson! Kurt!" It was Lucy, luckily, so Blaine sighed in relief. "You both look so handsome."

"Thank you!" Kurt said, grinning and looking at the woman before them. "I love your dress. Green is definitely your color, Lucy."

"Aw, that's so nice of you to say, Kurt, thank you. I'm glad to see you again. Give me a second so I can find my husband, I'd love to introduce you to him," Lucy started scanning the crowd, making Blaine feel more and more anxious.

Blaine's eyes never stopped moving while Kurt talked to Lucy and her husband. He seemed so at ease, so comfortable, like he was having a great time already. One of the waiters passed near them and Kurt grabbed glasses for both of them, pre-empting the excuse Blaine was about to use to go get drinks so they could keep moving instead of staying there.

"Hey, Anderson," a voice behind him said and he turned around. It was Brian Wallace, his father's partner. He was older than Walter, probably by ten years or so, but his white hair didn't make him look like an old man. There was something about the sharp look of his blue eyes that made him ageless.

"Hi," Blaine said dazed, glancing back at Kurt, who was still distracted. "Hi, good evening."

Wallace studied him in silence for a second, clearly judging him. "I've just heard your father asking about you. You should probably find him."

"Oh, yeah, I will," Blaine swallowed. He noticed a hand on his back and realized Kurt's conversation with Lucy and her husband had ended. He looked at him. Kurt was just standing there, with one of his beautiful smiles, without a clue of how uneasy Blaine felt.

"I don't think we've met," Wallace said, looking at Kurt with a cold curiosity. Blaine saw the man's eyes wandering all over Kurt and he didn't like the expression on his face.

"Kurt, this is Brian Wallace, my father's partner," Blaine explained, emotionless. "Mr. Wallace, this is Kurt Hummel."

"Hummel. What do you do?" Wallace asked, brusquely, the hint of disapproval already tainting his words.

Kurt remained serene. "I own a bakery."

Wallace quirked an eyebrow, slightly amused. "A baker. That sounds like a really manly profession."

Kurt didn't lose the smile, but his voice was lower, almost suggestive and teasing when he spoke again. "Well, I really like working with my hands."

Blaine choked. On air.

Wallace's face changed into a vaguely disgusted one. "Yes, I imagine so."

"I…" Blaine stuttered, nervously. He gripped Kurt's arm maybe a bit too tightly. "I should go find my father, now. I… it was nice seeing you, Mr. Wallace…"

Wallace didn't even bother replying. He shook his head and walked away in the opposite direction from where Blaine was dragging Kurt.

"Oh, Gosh, I'm sorry," Kurt muttered, biting his lip. "Was that too much? Did I get you in trouble?"

"No, it's just… Kurt," Blaine stopped and looked at him, "no one here really likes me or accepts me. And you're really brave talking back to people like that, but I…"

"I know," Kurt smiled at him, a bit regretfully. "I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."

This was it. This was the perfect moment. Blaine finally found his courage. "Maybe we should just go…"

"Blaine!"

Blaine closed his eyes in dread when he recognized his mother's voice. Kurt realized Blaine wasn't exactly happy because the grip on his arm became almost painful. Blaine turned slowly, not able to force a smile on his face.

The woman standing next to them was a bit shorter than Blaine but her pose was so sure and elegant that she seemed taller. Her dark hair was held together in a tight bow at the back of her head and the long, navy blue dress made her look sophisticated. Kurt approved of her choices, although her face reminded him of a stone: it was all tight lines, as if a smile hadn't appeared on her lips in a very long time.

"Mom," Blaine said softly, his hand leaving Kurt's arm immediately, although her eyes followed the movement, not missing a thing. "You look amazing."

"Thank you," she said, clearly indifferent. "Your father has been looking for you. You're late."

"I'm not, I was held back by Lucy and Wallace," Blaine explained. He was tense, Kurt could feel it. He desperately wished he could reach over to rub his hand up and down Blaine's back to comfort him. "I'll find Dad right away."

"And you are?" Amanda Anderson turned to Kurt, who felt immediately singled out under the woman's gaze.

"Kurt Hummel," Kurt answered, extending his hand to shake hers, but she never took it. Uncomfortably, he let it fall.

"You father told me you were going to bring a date, Blaine," Amanda said, sharply. "Where is she?"

Kurt gritted his teeth as Blaine did everything he could to hold back the desire to scream at the top of his lungs. It had been a mistake. Coming here had been a horrible mistake. Kurt and he could've been in Lima already, having dinner with the Hummels, having fun, feeling welcomed and accepted, instead of letting people treat them like this…

"Kurt is my date," Blaine announced, sounding a lot calmer than he actually felt, not sure when his brain had decided to let the words leave of his mouth. He felt Kurt placing a hand on his hip and squeezing in support.

"I hope I just heard you wrong, Blaine," another voice said and they all looked around to find Walter Anderson walking towards them. "Because, funny as it may seem, I just thought I heard you say thiswas your date."

The bitter, humorless way in which his father laughed threatened to make Blaine's ears bleed.

"There's no reason to be rude, Dad," Blaine said as firmly as he could. "You told me to bring a decent date. I brought my boyfriend."

They all saw the fury flashing in Walter's eyes. It was so evident that Kurt didn't have the time to enjoy the fact that Blaine had referred to him as his boyfriend for the first time.

"You are the one being rude right now, Blaine," Walter replied, low and menacingly, "trying to shove down our throats how disgusting you are and…"

"I hate interrupting this charming Kodak moment," Kurt said then, raising his voice a little bit higher than necessary to talk over Walter. "But Blaine and I need to get going. We're getting up early tomorrow to go celebrate Christmas with our family."

Blaine's heart clenched in his chest at Kurt's words. He too didn't have enough time to enjoy it before his father ruined it.

"Do whatever you want with your pathetic, filthy life, fag," he spat in Kurt's face, getting threateningly close to him. Kurt didn't step back, though. He stood there proudly, his head high. "But we are not going to allow you to…"

"To what?" Kurt cut him off, quirking an eyebrow. "To make Blaine feel accepted and happy? To give him the love you two clearly won't give him?"

"Love," Amanda laughed dismissively. "This isn't about love. This is about perverting Blaine. What you two do is disgusting and we won't let it stain our family's name."

"You think too much of yourself, don't you, Hummel? You're proud of being an abomination. You're proud that everyone knows you like to be fucked like some cheap whore," Walter muttered hoarsely, without yelling, but having the same effect as the insults slapped Kurt in the face. "What did Blaine promise you? Do you ask him to buy you nice things in exchange for spreading your legs? Are you getting from him everything your poor, pathetic father wasn't able to give you?"

"Don't you dare talk about my father…" Kurt said, his hands forming fists at his sides.

"Interesting. You don't deny that you're a cheap whore," Walter said, smirking, while Amanda covered her mouth in disgust. "Well, you know what? You're wasting your time, because if Blaine insists on disgracing his family like this, he won't see a cent of our money. He can forget about being an Anderson."

"Can you stop?" Blaine exclaimed, not caring about who was listening to them anymore, wishing he could just block his ears with his hands and rock back and forth until they all disappeared. "Stop talking to Kurt like this. He's…"

Amanda looked around, evidently embarrassed when she noticed a few people were looking at them. "Blaine," she huffed in annoyance. "It's always the same thing with you. Disappointment after disappointment…"

"Of all the things you could've been, you chose to be a queer," Walter looked down at his son, scowling. "And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, you decide to bring this…"

"I'd love to stay and be insulted some more," Kurt interrupted, eyes glaring, hands forming fists so tight that his knuckles were white, "but I'm afraid that it got really boring after cheap whore." He smiled the phoniest smile that had ever appeared on his face. "So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to leave before this night gets any lovelier than it already has."

He turned around, not even waiting to see if Blaine followed him. Blaine actually intended to, but found himself unable to when his father's hand closed around his arm.

"If this is something you're getting out of your system, do it behind closed doors," Walter said, a warning edge in his voice. "If I ever see him around you, I won't be as nice as I was tonight. I can be a lot more unpleasant than this. Keep that in mind, Blaine."

Blaine's jaw was so tense he was afraid he wouldn't be able to move it ever again. "You're not touching Kurt, Dad. I'm not letting you hurt him."

Walter sighed, annoyed. He didn't even care. He was tearing his son apart and he was absolutely indifferent to it. He had humiliated Blaine once again, not only in front of everyone they worked with, but also in front of Kurt, the most important person in Blaine's life.

His parents walked away from him then, immediately engaging in conversation with another couple, as if nothing had happened. Blaine stood there, frozen, until the screams in his head lowered enough to let him react. Then he turned around and followed after Kurt, though he knew the other man was probably already half way to his apartment.

Snow was falling heavily outside when Blaine left the building. He looked around, hoping Kurt had waited for him, but there were no signs of him. Anxious, needing like never before to just hold him in his arms, he started running, not caring about the people passing by, not caring about the traffic, or the cold or anything else, because all he wanted was Kurt. At the end of the day, when everything sucked and he needed a break, when he needed a little light shining on him, he just wanted Kurt.

He only stopped when he arrived at the bakery and noticed the kitchen lights were on. Of course. Of course that's where Kurt was. Blaine wasn't surprised to find him there. It was, after all, Kurt's favorite place in the world, the place where he felt connected to his mother.

What did surprise him was the absolutely chaotic state of the kitchen when Blaine went inside. Kurt had managed to create a huge mess in the few minutes he had been there. The counters were full of pans and different bowls with ingredients, half of the surfaces and the floor were covered in flour and Kurt's appearance wasn't as perfect as it had been less than twenty minutes ago. His hair was disheveled, as if he had buried his fingers in it several times; his tie was crooked and loose, the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and he had taken his suit jacket off, abandoning it on a stool by the door with his coat and scarf. Blaine wished he could see his face, but Kurt had his back turned to him.

Before Blaine could even open his mouth, Kurt was talking.

"I'm sorry I ran out like that, I just…" he sniffed. Oh, God, he sniffed. Was Kurt really crying? "I didn't want to be around anyone when I started breaking down like an idiot."

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine sighed, feeling his heart clenching painfully in his chest, crossing the kitchen in a few long strides until he was close enough to wrap his arms around Kurt from behind. "I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to go there with me. I knew this was going to happen, I knew it, but I was stupid and I…"

"No. Why do we have to stop going places just because people are narrow-minded? Staying away only makes things easier on them, and makes homophobic assholes believe they're right, that we shouldn't show our love to the world…" Kurt shook his head and then turned around in Blaine's arms. His eyes were a little red, but he wasn't crying anymore. "Hiding isn't going to solve anything, Blaine. It'll just make them think they can control us."

Blaine took a few steps back, away from him, looking down at the floor. "But we can't do this either. We can't shove it down their throats, we can't force them to look at something they think is offensive and…"

"Are you listening to yourself right now?" Kurt asked, eyes wide in shock. "You sound like your father, Blaine. We're not shoving anything down their throats. We're just being ourselves…"

"Well, that's the problem. They've never liked it when I was being myself," Blaine said, frustrated, starting to pace around the kitchen. "This just… this just makes it all worse."

All Blaine could think about was Kurt. How he'd had to stand there and hear Walter insult him. How he didn't deserve any of the things he'd had to put up with. How Blaine had done nothing to step up for him and defend him. how much of a coward Blaine had been, letting his parents walk all over him once again, only this time it was worse, so much worse, because he had allowed them to do what they were used to do to him, to Kurt.

Beautiful, amazing, kind Kurt who had done nothing but help him, be there for him, show him what it felt like to be loved. Kurt, who had taken him to Lima to meet his parents so Blaine could see what a real family was like. And this was what he was getting in return?

He knew he wasn't good enough for Kurt. He had known that since the first time he had set eyes on him. He didn't have anything to give him, nothing to offer, because he wasn't enough of a man to stop caring about what his parents thought of him. Because he felt he had some sort of obligation to them. Because they were all he had in the world, even when all they did was bring him down. Because he knew that, when Kurt eventually got tired of him and left him (and it was going to happen), he would look around and find nothing but emptiness. He would be alone.

Blaine was too scared to be alone.

But, more importantly, he was scared to be the one causing Kurt pain. He never wanted to see tears in those stunning blue eyes and know they were there because of him.

He hadn't noticed Kurt was talking. He was saying something about not letting his parents' sick comments influence his opinions and his life in general. But Blaine was too busy trying to control his breathing, trying to ignore the lump in his throat, trying to ignore the desperate screams of his desperate heart.

"I want us to break up," he said, his words sounding too loud and brusque in the otherwise calm kitchen.

The silence fell between them. Kurt closed and opened his mouth in confusion several times, frowning, as if he was figuring out what he could possibly mean, as if he had never heard of something like that in his life before.

"Blaine, I…" Kurt stopped and swallowed, shaking in head, without understanding. "Why?"

It was the one question Blaine didn't want to hear. The one question he didn't want to answer, because he didn't want to lie to Kurt. But if he said the truth (I'm breaking up with you because you deserve better), he knew Kurt would fight him until Blaine couldn't keep up his façade anymore. Kurt would hold on to him, because he knew he was saving Blaine by being with him. The problem was that Blaine had no way to save him if Kurt got caught up in all the same crap that surrounded him.

"Because I can't do this," Blaine whispered and he had to dig his nails into his own palms to hold back the urge to cry.

"Blaine, if this is because I talked back to your parents, I…" Kurt took a hesitant step towards him. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just couldn't just stand there and take what they threw at us."

"I was so embarrassed…" Blaine covered his face with his hands, turning his back to Kurt.

Kurt inhaled shakily. "By me? You… were embarrassed by being there with me?"

That wasn't what Blaine had meant at all. He was embarrassed by himself, by being such an idiot, being so weak. Embarrassed by his family, of the judgmental assholes his parents were, of how they had looked at Kurt as if he was nothing more than garbage to them. He was embarrassed by everything but Kurt. Kurt, the only light in his life and he was about to let him go because he was too afraid staying with him would mean Kurt's light would go out.

"Yes," he lied, his voice wavering with pain.

He could see Kurt's eyes slowly filling up with tears and it almost broke him down completely. This was exactly what he didn't want: hurting Kurt. But it was necessary. The way he could hurt him wouldn't be as bad as whatever else Walter might throw at him. Kurt would get over it really soon. He would move on and Blaine would spare him the humiliation of another encounter with Walter Anderson.

"You said you loved me," Kurt muttered softly.

Blaine swallowed. This would be the worst lie of them all. "How can I know that? I've never loved anyone. I thought I loved you, but I was wrong."

Kurt gripped the counter behind him tightly, needing something to ground him. "I don't believe you. Blaine… why are you doing this?"

"I'm sorry," Blaine avoided his eyes. He just couldn't look into them anymore. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I don't want us to be together anymore…"

"You're lying," Kurt closed his eyes, refusing to listen. "I know you, Blaine, this is just another thing you're stopping yourself from having because it makes you happy, and they hate seeing you happy! But I don't! I love you and I want to make you happy every day of your life!"

"Kurt…"

"No," Kurt crossed the kitchen in a few steps and stood in front of him, cupping his face in his hands and forcing Blaine to look at him. "You don't need them. You don't need people as toxic as them in your life, Blaine. Please, don't shut me out, not now, not after everything we've gone through together…"

Blaine needed to get out of there. He couldn't see Kurt's face for one more second without giving up and falling into his arms. "I'm grateful for what you did for me. You're a great friend…"

"I'm more than that and you know it…" Kurt said fiercely.

"I can't. You want a relationship and I can't give you that," Blaine took a step back, away from him. "I… I have to go."

"Blaine, please, don't do this…"

"Tell your parents I'm really sorry I can't go this weekend, after all," he mumbled, his gaze fixed on the floor. "Merry Christmas, Kurt."

He turned around and started walking out the kitchen, forcing himself not to look back, not to see the broken expression on Kurt's face. He could hear him calling after him, begging him to wait, to talk, to stop lying… but Blaine just closed his eyes, told himself he was doing the right thing and left.

The tears started falling as soon as he was alone in his car. The farthest he got was around the corner and then he had to park and let the sobs that threatened to break his body escape.

He had let himself fall in love with Kurt even though he had known all along something like this would happen. Even though he had told himself a million times that Kurt deserved much better. Even though he knew he wasn't made to be in love. He had too many flaws, too many fears, too many cracks in his heart that he couldn't heal. Kurt had tended to them, covering them in Band-Aids, but that wasn't enough to cure them, to close them, to keep him from feeling pain.

He had been such an idiot for believing he could run away from the life he had always had. He had been an idiot for thinking he could have Kurt.

It took him forever to get to his apartment. He dragged himself into bed, but once there, the bed seemed too big, too cold, too empty. He took his pillow and a blanket and slipped down to the floor, curling up on himself, the tears still falling down his cheeks.

He couldn't sleep that night and Blaine wondered if he would ever be able to sleep again without Kurt's warm body wrapped around his.

Sadly, he realized he would have to get used to doing a lot of things without Kurt again.