June 19, 2016, 7 p.m.
Sitting Waiting Wishing: Chapter 16
E - Words: 4,598 - Last Updated: Jun 19, 2016 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/? - Created: Aug 14, 2015 - Updated: Aug 14, 2015 180 0 0 0 0
The end is coming up very very soon – and so is the truth!
Please review and let me know what you thought about the chapter, and I hope to see you all again very soon!
Love,
L.-
Rachel Berry was a genius. Any day now someone would give her a Best Friend Ever Award. She just wished her friends didn't need to be constantly pushed in order to take care of their own lives. She had enough to deal with her own, fabulous as it was. But these were the cards she had been dealt – she had been born talented, caring, intelligent and compassionate. When her friends needed her help, she was there. And Kurt had been in desperate need of her help. Their last phone call had clearly been a cry for help.
As Rachel walked to Kurt's apartment door a couple of hours later to pick her baby up, she grinned. She was sure she was about to interrupt a beautiful scene, in which Kurt and Blaine made loving eyes at each other as they held her daughter and fantasized about the moment they would get to hold their own baby. Kurt would have told him the truth by now, and Blaine had surely proposed, so they could start their family as soon as possible. She would grab her child and then leave them to have a passionate night of newly-engaged sex…
When she knocked on the door, however, Kurt's face was nowhere near happy. He was fuming, and glared at her pointedly.
“I'm very tempted to never talk to you ever again, Rachel,” he said threateningly. “I have never been so mad at you before in my life.”
She blinked in confusion and peeked into the apartment to buy some time. “Uhm. Where's Blaine?”
“He left,” Kurt replied sharply. “Why do you always have to stick your nose into everyone's business? We were having a perfectly good night until you arrived!”
Rachel crossed her arms over her chest, uncomfortable. “I thought it was going to help? You two would get all adorable and domestic with Lilah and he would obviously be a lot mellower once you told him about your baby? And then everything would be alright?”
“Well, you couldn't have been more wrong,” Kurt spat bitterly.
Rachel finally noticed how red-rimmed his eyes were, and she forgot about being terrified of her best friend's wrath. “Oh no. Kurt… what happened?” She pushed him into the apartment gently so they wouldn't stay there in the middle of the hallway, and guided him to the couch.
“He doesn't like babies,” Kurt muttered, and it was obvious he was having trouble to stop himself from crying again. “He couldn't have got out of here any faster. Lilah kept crying every time he even looked at her…”
“Oh honey, I'm so sorry,” Rachel said, truly regretting what she had done.
Kurt sniffed and shrugged, not looking at her. “I really thought things were going to be okay this time, Rach.”
“So you didn't even get to tell him?” Rachel bit her lip, feeling terrible.
“No. I was about to tell him when you arrived,” Kurt sighed and let his head fall back onto the couch. “The way he was looking at me… it seemed that I could tell him anything, and he still wouldn't have let go of my hand.”
Rachel's stomach twisted with guilt. “I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I can talk to him! I can tell him about the baby! I can tell him how amazing babies are! I can…”
“No,” Kurt interrupted before she could list all the amazing ideas she was having. “No. Please, stay out of this. I know you had good intentions, but you can't keep meddling in your friends' lives, Rachel.”
Rachel had always been the most petite person she knew. But she still had never felt as small as she felt right then. “I'm sorry, Kurt. I really am.”
“I know,” Kurt sounded tired and defeated, and Rachel really hated that sound. “Can you go home? I want to be alone. Lilah fell asleep so I put her in my bedroom.”
Rachel knew it was better not to argue. She nodded and quickly went into Kurt's room to get her daughter. She kissed her forehead and put her in the stroller without waking her. Before heading to the front door, Rachel stopped in the middle of the living room and watched Kurt silently for a second. He was still in the same position, his eyes closed and a sad frown on his lips.
“I'm sorry,” she whispered one more time, but when Kurt didn't even reply, she just left.
Her instincts told her she had to do something to make it up to him, but she was too scared to screw things up even more.
*
Kurt was feeling torn and a little desperate by the time he saw Blaine again on Wednesday. He had no idea what to do now – telling Blaine felt like removing the safety pin off a hand grenade and waiting for the explosion.
They met at a little restaurant that was halfway between Kurt's office and Blaine's apartment. They greeted each other with a slightly awkward kiss, and Kurt wished they could go back to how warm and wonderful the other night had been. At least, until Rachel had ruined everything…
He had brought a bouquet of flowers for Blaine this time. He felt guilty and awful about the whole thing, but something inside of him became lighter at the beautiful smile that bloomed on Blaine's face at the sight of gorgeous red and yellow roses.
“Oh, Kurt…” Blaine said in a sweet whisper. “Thank you.”
Blaine seemed a lot less distant then, and Kurt allowed himself to feel better. They would figure things out, one way or the other. And if they had to take different roads and put an end to this, then at least they could have a fond memory of the time they had spent together, right?
Kurt wished the idea of saying goodbye to Blaine didn't make him want to throw up.
They were sat at a cozy table in the corner. The restaurant was small and relatively new, so the atmosphere was quite intimate. Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand in his on top of the table and smiled as he looked into his eyes. Sometimes Kurt forgot just how damn beautiful Blaine was, and then he was reminded and he couldn't breathe.
They ordered salads and water, because Blaine couldn't stray from his diet too much. The conversation was easy and comfortable, but Kurt knew Blaine could notice there was something in the air between them that wouldn't dissipate. He had no idea what he was going to do if Blaine asked him about it.
After dinner, they walked hand in hand to Blaine's apartment. It all seemed so normal, like they had been dating forever and this was just another night. When they arrived at Blaine's place, Blaine put his arms around him and pulled him closer to kiss him, before walking to the kitchen to find a vase for his flowers.
They undressed slowly and got into bed, easily gravitating towards each other in the darkness. Blaine's hands were warm on Kurt's skin, and it wasn't long before they were breathing heavily into each other's mouths and needing more than just a little touch. Blaine ended lying on his side, with Kurt behind him, fucking him hard and slow and holding him close to his chest. When they were done, they fell asleep tangled together, and everything felt like it had fallen into place.
All except one thing – the most important thing.
*
There was a hidden little bodega just around the corner from Blaine's apartment that they both loved. Every now and then, they allowed themselves to spurge on chicken enchiladas and tacos. That was why Kurt was standing in line behind another handful of stressed New Yorkers, waiting to pick up the order he had placed on the phone an hour ago while he was still in the office.
Both he and Blaine had had a very, very long day – Kurt's filled with anxiety-driven brides that would soon make him go insane, and Blaine's with a new trainee that obviously came from a very wealthy family and was used to treat everyone as a servant. Kurt was sure that Blaine would soon knock the kid down back to reality, but that didn't mean it made today easier.
“I actually asked Carlos if someone else could train him,” Blaine had said on the phone when they spoke during their too brief lunch break. “But apparently he asked specifically for me – he must have heard about my last two fights.”
“Well, you are the best, after all,” Kurt had said fondly, hoping to make Blaine smile. “And if you have the Kurt Hummel seal of approval, then…”
Blaine had chuckled. Mission accomplished, Kurt thought. “Why, of course. You're always right, darling.”
Blaine deserved a blowjob, Kurt had decided right then. A blowjob and a delicious meal, not particularly in that order.
That was why he was standing here even though he wanted nothing more than to drop down on a couch and not interact with the rest of the world until the next day. He glared at the back of the five people still in front of them, and wished they would hurry up.
Kurt was beginning to tap his foot impatiently against the wooden floor when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He extracted it – not without difficulty; these were his tightest jeans – and his eyebrows raised all the way to his hairline when he saw who was calling him. He accepted the call before he could even figure out if it was a good idea or not.
“Hello?”
“Kurt, hi!” Cooper's chipper voice said on the other end. “How are you? Am I interrupting anything?”
“I'm just waiting to pick up our dinner,” Kurt answered distractedly, watching as the line moved very, very slowly. Damn it. “How are you, Cooper?”
“Oh, you're seeing Blaine tonight, then?” Cooper murmured, and he was obviously trying to sound nonchalant. For someone who claimed to be such an amazing actor, he was way too transparent. “I'm good, I'm good… how is he?”
“Well, you know your brother,” Kurt said, hiking his messenger bag higher on his shoulder so it wouldn't slip. “He is mostly okay.”
“Mostly,” Cooper repeated, like he was testing the word. “Yeah, I know.”
There was a moment of silent. One of the customers in front of Kurt walked away with their food, and Kurt moved forward. He was almost at the counter before he sighed and couldn't resist the pause anymore.
“Was there a reason you called, Cooper?” He asked, trying his best to be polite, even though his patience had run out hours ago.
“Actually, yes,” Cooper cleared his throat quite loudly. “I was wondering if we could meet? Maybe for coffee or lunch? There's this lovely café just a couple of blocks from the theatre that I'm sure you would like.”
Kurt was a little surprised at Cooper's invitation. He had a feeling this wasn't just a social outing. There was something else. “I don't know. I have a lot of work, and I…”
“Please,” Cooper interrupted, and the hint of despair in his tone told Kurt he was right. “I won't steal too much of your time. I just want to talk about Blaine, know how he's doing…”
“I'm not sure we should meet behind his back. He wouldn't appreciate it,” Kurt muttered hesitantly.
“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to share,” Cooper insisted. “I just need to… he's my brother, Kurt. Please.”
Kurt closed his eyes for a second, stealing himself for this. He knew it was bound to get him into trouble, but he could see how hard this was for Cooper, how much he cared about his brother, and how difficult things were between them.
Kurt wasn't sure where exactly he fit in all this, but since he seemed to be involved already, it wasn't like he had many options. He sighed. “Fine. Where is this café?”
He swore he could hear Cooper smiling through the phone.
*
Cooper was already waiting for him when Kurt stepped into the café the next day. He had to juggle the binders he was carrying to open and close the door – he had a day full with meetings and no time to stop by his office to lighten his load. Cooper immediately stood and walked towards him to aid him when he saw him.
“Whoa, you should just carry a suitcase around all day,” Cooper said with a teasing smile.
“Thank you,” Kurt murmured in relief as he let himself fall into the chair opposite the one Cooper had been sitting at. “It's just one of those days, nothing I can't handle.”
Cooper shook his head, visibly amused. “You're one of a kind, Kurt Hummel.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “As much as I like a compliment, I didn't come all the way here just to hear something I already know. What's up, Cooper?”
Noticing Kurt wanted to get down to business, Cooper straightened in his seat and tangled his hands on top of the table. “I want your help.”
Kurt arched his eyebrow, but before he could say anything, a waitress stopped by their table to take their orders. Kurt was going to wave her off – he honestly didn't have time for this – but Cooper smiled at her charmingly and took care of it for the both of them.
“Two lattes and two cinnamon rolls, please,” he said, not even bothering glancing at Kurt to check if that was what he wanted.
Kurt wanted to protest, but he knew there was no use. Cooper had ordered for him every single time they had met when they were going through wedding plans. Instead, he looked out the window to the busy New York City street. It was a very cold day, and Kurt wondered if they would get snow earlier this year.
As soon as they were alone again, Kurt turned back to Cooper. “What kind of help?”
“I want you to talk to Blaine,” Cooper said, determined. “I… I'm done with whatever this dispute is between us. I want my brother back.”
“And why do I have to talk to him?” Kurt asked, a little taken aback.
“Because it's obvious you're the only person he will listen to,” Cooper replied confidently. “I have no idea how to reach out to him anymore, Kurt. Whenever I try I end up with the door – or worst, his fist – slammed on my face.”
“I can't make Blaine do anything he doesn't want to do, Cooper. I don't know what kind of voodoo power you think I have on him, but…” Kurt raised his hands defensively. Getting between the Anderson brothers sounded like a very stupid idea.
“He loves you,” Cooper said, shrugging as if it was the simplest thing in the whole word. “He'll listen to you.”
Kurt felt his breath shortened at that. Blaine didn't… it wasn't like that… “Cooper, I don't think…”
He was lucky that the waitress returned then with their order. It gave him time to calm his wildly beating heart and pretend he hadn't become light-headed after what Cooper had said.
“Please,” Cooper pleaded, desperate. “You're my only chance, Kurt. I don't know what else to do.”
“I don't either,” Kurt admitted, pushing away his own turmoil in favor of Cooper's. “Blaine won't stop hurting if I just tell him to. This is… he's been suffering for years, Cooper. This is clearly a family issue, and I don't believe I should intervene.”
“I've been trying to reach out to him since he was still a kid, Kurt. He rejects me. He hates me. Help me understand. What did I do so wrong?” Cooper rested his head in his hands, burying his fingers in his dark locks. “I showed him how to defend himself when he was getting bullied, I was there for him when he had health issues. I moved to New York when I knew he wanted to live here, I even dropped my Hollywood career to be on Broadway, because I knew he loved that and…”
“Wait,” Kurt interrupted, blinking stupidly at Cooper. “You became a Broadway actor because of Blaine?”
“Well, yes! I thought if I showed him I understood his passions he would accept me back into his life,” Cooper explained, glancing at Kurt with confused blue eyes. “I never really liked Broadway, I just wanted to…”
“Oh, you big idiot,” Kurt muttered tiredly. He leaned back in his seat and stared at Cooper, incredulous. “That's one of the reasons he's so upset with you, Cooper.”
“What?” Cooper seemed genuinely perplexed. “Why?!”
“Are you kidding me?” Kurt truly couldn't understand how Cooper couldn't see what was wrong with it. “Blaine suddenly has every single one of his dreams ripped away from him, and you think that doing exactly what he cannot do you are showing him support? He feels like you always got everything he ever wanted – your parents' support, the career he loved…”
“No,” Cooper shook his head vehemently. “No, Kurt. I didn't… I thought…”
“You really are clueless,” Kurt sighed, rubbing his temple. “Cooper, for the love of God, how could you think this would help you? He's not flattered that you left everything to do what he loved. He feels betrayed.”
“So I've been on Broadway for my little brother for over five years now and he actually hates me for it?” Cooper asked, as if he needed further clarification.
Kurt was seriously thinking about slapping him to bring him down to earth. “Yes, Cooper.”
“Oh shit,” Cooper groaned.
Kurt actually felt bad for Cooper. He didn't have bad intentions – he was just too self-involved and oblivious. He was a really great guy, but sometimes he had trouble acknowledging that there were other people around him who didn't see the world just like he did.
He reached out and squeezed Cooper's hand comfortingly for a few seconds. “So, what are you going to do now?”
Cooper seemed at a loss for words, which was completely new. He let out a long sigh, and then looked at Kurt with those deep blue eyes. “I have no idea. I have a lot to think, but… will you help me? Can you talk to him?”
Kurt was torn. What was he supposed to do? He didn't think Blaine would be happy to know he and Cooper were in cahoots to get the brothers reconciled. But Cooper looked so miserable that he didn't want to make things even worse.
He lifted his latte to take a sip, and said, as uncommitted as he could, “Fine. But I can't make any promises.”
The entire café turned to look at them when Cooper whooped and jumped out of his chair to hold Kurt tightly, practically hauling him out of his seat.
Kurt was sure that he was going to regret those words.
*
It seemed like Kurt had nothing but shitty weeks ahead of him. He had spent another very extenuating day dealing with a couple that was most likely never making it to the altar – Kurt was amazed that they had even made it to an engagement, because he had never met two people who had less in common in his entire life. They couldn't agree on a single thing, and every little question he asked seemed to give them a new reason to disagree and argue. He had the worst headache and he was thinking of retiring early and doing something else with his life.
Why had he ever thought that being a wedding planner was a good idea?
He would have gone straight home – a bath sounded heavenly right now – but he had already promised Blaine that he would stay over, so he headed to his apartment, hoping Blaine had food, because he was honestly starving.
As soon as Blaine opened the door, Kurt knew something was wrong. He entered the apartment quickly, frowning as he studied Blaine's face.
“What's wrong, honey? Did something happen?” Kurt asked, putting down his bag and unbuttoning his coat.
Blaine went into the living room. He began pacing like a caged beast that was desperate to get out and start looking for a prey. He was breathing heavily, and Kurt didn't have to touch him to know all his muscles were clenched painfully, tensed.
“Blaine?” Kurt said, because it didn't even seem like Blaine was paying him any attention. He followed, but didn't get in Blaine's way, wanting to give him space.
He hadn't noticed Blaine's laptop open on the coffee table until Blaine grabbed it brusquely and spin it so Kurt could see the screen. “Would you be so kind as to tell me what the fuck is that?”
Kurt was shocked at his tone of voice, but curiosity won over indignation. He leaned over to take a better look, and immediately felt himself going pale. “Oh…”
There were three pictures of him and Cooper on the screen. The first one was of them simply chatting, but the second and third were enough to understand where Blaine's anger was coming from: someone had captured the moment Kurt had reached for Cooper's hand, and the quick but affectionate hug Cooper had given him once he sort-of-agreed to help him.
He vaguely scanned the title of the page where the pictures had been published – Broadway star Cooper Anderson shares a touchy-feely lunch with unknown friend.
Paparazzi really were the worst of the worst.
“Blaine… it's not what it looks like,” Kurt said, and grimaced when he realized that was what someone would say when it was what it looked like.
“When were you going to tell me you met with my brother?” Blaine asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kurt tried to act completely unimpressed. “Excuse me? I didn't know I had to tell you everything I did…”
“You know that's not what I mean,” Blaine huffed, irritated. “But I can't imagine why you would need to meet with Cooper. You aren't friends.”
“He clearly seems to think we are,” Kurt muttered, but when that didn't get any reactions from Blaine, he sighed. “Look, we just met for coffee, talked for a bit. I knew you wouldn't be happy about it, so I decided not to tell you…”
Blaine chuckled bitterly. “So you lied to me.”
“Uh, no, I wouldn't say exactly that,” Kurt said, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. “Look, I'm sorry if it bothers you, but…”
“Bother me?” Blaine repeated, staring at Kurt like he didn't know him. “Oh no, Kurt, of course not. Why would it bother me that you met with Cooper? Besides the fact that he's a fucking asshole, of course.”
“He's not so bad,” Kurt replied, rolling his eyes. “He's a little self-centered, but…”
“I can't believe you,” Blaine was practically gaping at him. “Are you going to defend him?”
“Blaine, please,” Kurt said, exasperated. “I don't want to get in between a very old argument that has nothing to do with me. Cooper just wanted to talk. He called me and asked if I would have coffee with him, so I went. Please don't make this any bigger than it needs to be…”
Blaine turned around, giving his back to Kurt. “Right. Right, there's nothing wrong with this picture. I mean, Cooper pretty much already took everything from me, why wouldn't he try to get you, too? I wouldn't put it past him to seduce you, even though he isn't gay. He must really love seeing me suffer…”
“Blaine, don't be silly… he is not…” Kurt tried to reason, but Blaine wouldn't listen.
“I thought everything was okay between us now,” Blaine said, turning back to Kurt, his hazel eyes fixed on Kurt's.
Kurt shook his head, feeling a little dizzy with the way things were developing. “I… yes, it is…”
“No, it is not,” Blaine said firmly. “Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't notice when you hide things from me? Because I do, Kurt. And I've been waiting for you to tell me what the hell is going on, but you never do. So, what is it? Is it Cooper? Or are you hiding something else from me?”
Things probably couldn't have been worse than they were. Blaine was obviously feeling hurt, confused and betrayed. He looked at Kurt like he had stabbed him in the back, and Kurt hated that look. But the worst part was knowing that Blaine was right – Kurt had been hiding stuff from him, and his coffee with Cooper wasn't even the biggest one.
Kurt's stomach knotted painfully. He didn't want to tell Blaine – not after what had happened with Lilah, and especially not when he was acting like this.
“I know you've been through a lot, Blaine, but that doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life being mad at the people who love you,” Kurt said, realizing that there would never be a better time to try to pass on Cooper's message than now. “Cooper loves you more than anyone else in this world – he's a little inefficient when it comes to finding ways to show you that, but he truly cares about you. I think you should…”
“No,” Blaine interrupted him, and his breathing was getting faster, more ragged, like he was having a hard time working the air in and out of his lungs. “I don't want to hear it.
“Blaine…”
“No,” Blaine said once again. They both stared at each other for what seemed like the longest second in history, and then Blaine marched towards the front door and opened it. “I think you should go.”
Kurt was a little taken aback at that. He hadn't expected Blaine to kick him out. Whenever things got difficult, Blaine seemed to try to hold on to him. He couldn't ignore the ache spreading all through him, realizing that Blaine didn't want him there. Blaine didn't want to see him.
Kurt wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure what to apologize for. He wanted to assure Blaine that he'd had the best intentions, but he wasn't sure if he would trust him. He wanted to say that he hadn't meant to hurt him, but he had been hiding more than his encounter with Cooper for a long time now.
Kurt wanted to pull him into his arms, kiss his forehead and promise everything would be alright, but he didn't think Blaine would believe him.
To be honest, Kurt didn't believe it, either.
*