Kurt sat motionless in front of the mirror, his dry reddened eyes unfocused, staring into nothingness. Blaine was kneeling on the floor before him, carefully adjusting a black skinny tie under Kurt's pristine white collar. The silence was nearly oppressive, and Blaine almost wished Kurt would start crying and screaming again. At least, when he was doing that, Blaine could still see life burning in his blue eyes, even if it was powered with pain. Now, Kurt looked so lifeless that Blaine was genuinely scared. He didn't know what to do to bring him back.

Finished with the tie, Blaine pointed to Kurt's chestnut hair falling limply over his forehead, smiling softly. “Do you want to do your hair? I think I have a can of hairspray in the bathroom.”

Kurt didn't respond, or even show any sign of hearing him at all. Blaine swallowed the anguish climbing his throat and did his best to stay calm. Seeing his best friend in the world like this was worse than being tortured.

“I'll do it for you,” Blaine said lightly, offering another smile. “It won't look as flawless as when you do it, but I'll make it work.” He stood, but once again, Kurt didn't react. He looked paler than usual, his skin looking nearly snow-white, in contrast with the black suit he wore.

Blaine walked out of the bedroom, and closed the door behind him. Burt was sitting on the couch in the living room, his eyes glued to the television without really seeing anything. He looked up when Blaine appeared and immediately reached for the remote to turn the TV off.

“How is he doing?” He asked eagerly.

Blaine shook his head sadly. “Not well. He still hasn't said a single word.”

Burt ran his hand over his balding head tiredly. “I couldn't get him to eat at all. He's going to faint if he keeps this up…”

“It's only been two days,” Blaine replied. “Maybe the funeral will give him a little more closure. I don't know. I never imagined anything like this would happen to him…”

“No one ever imagines something like this could happen,” Burt said. “Mark was such a healthy, young man. He wasn't even thirty yet. It wasn't supposed to be this way…”

“I know. I still don't get it. He seemed fine. He was… I found him in the hallway before the ceremony and he looked so damn happy…” Blaine closed his eyes. He could still see Mark's smile when he had asked if everything was ready, and how Kurt was doing. They had had so many plans, so many milestones to reach… and now Kurt was left on his own with the most uncertain future before him.

“Kurt's strong. He'll get past this. It will take a while, but…” Burt shrugged helplessly. “What else can he do? He needs to learn how to live this new life now. He needs to take one step at a time. Today, he has to go to his fiancé's funeral. Tomorrow, he'll find another challenge. And maybe in a month, six months, a year… maybe he'll be ready to get back on his feet. The only thing we can do is give him our support and our love.”

Blaine nodded sadly. He didn't plan to leave Kurt's side any time soon. His best friend needed him now more than ever. “I'd better go help him finish getting ready. We should be leaving in about ten minutes.”

Burt turned on the television, once again not really watching whatever game was on. Blaine walked into the bathroom and grabbed the can of hairspray.

Kurt was still sitting on the edge of the bed when he reentered the bedroom. He didn't acknowledge Blaine's return, and didn't even attempt to bat his hands away when Blaine began touching his hair. In normal circumstances, Kurt would have never allowed Blaine to touch his hair.

Blaine once again swallowed the lump in his throat. He pretended to focus intently on getting Kurt's bangs off his face. “You know… I understand that this is the hardest time of your life, and that you're hurting so much that you don't even know what to do… but I'm right here, Kurt. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. You won't have to go through this alone. I'll be here every step of the way.”

Kurt blinked, and a solitary tear slid down his cheek. That was the only sign Blaine got that Kurt had actually listened to him.

Blaine had to choke back tears of his own, as he finished with Kurt's hair.

*

Kurt was gripping his hand so tightly that he was cutting off the circulation. Blaine didn't care – he trapped Kurt's hand in both of his own and swiped his thumb back and forth over his knuckles. He knew it was only a small, insignificant comfort, but he hoped it would be comfort nonetheless.

Kurt leaned heavily on his father's side, his eyes fixed on the casket at the front of the church. There was a priest, softly reciting passages from the bible that were supposed to help this burden be easier to carry, but Kurt, now more than ever, didn't want to believe in a God that allowed bright young people to leave this earth much too soon. The idea of heaven wasn't comforting – he only found paradise in the arms of the man he loved. And the man he loved had been taken away from him so abruptly that he still couldn't process the news.

Just before the priest began yet another speech about God wanting one of his angels back in heaven despite his time amongst mortals being too short, Kurt ripped his hands free from Blaine's grasp, feeling like he needed to scream. For some reason, Mark's parents had decided to have a religious ceremony to say goodbye to their son, but Kurt couldn't take another second of this insanity.

Blaine turned to look at him, concerned, but Kurt was already standing up.

“I want to say something,” he exclaimed, and his voice sounded so terribly rough after spending one whole day screaming in despair and another one completely silent.

The priest hesitated at the abrupt interruption but gestured to the lectern, giving Kurt permission to speak.  His legs felt weak and wobbly, for the first couple of steps but Blaine and his father were there to catch him, if he fell.

Kurt kept his eyes down, until he stood at the front of the church, gripping the edge of the lectern so tightly his knuckles went white. He could see the coffin out of the corner of his eye, but he refused to look at it. He couldn't look at it.

“Hi,” he muttered. “For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kurt, Mark's fiancé.” He stopped and forced the tears to stay put. “Two days ago, most of you were watching me and Mark stand at the altar to get married, and now we're here…” Kurt exhaled shakily. “It wasn't supposed to be like this…”

For a moment, Kurt glanced at his parents and Blaine, the only ones who could ground him right now.

“Mark didn't even get to say I do,” Kurt continued, sniffling. “We didn't even get to be husbands before this happened. When he proposed all those months ago, he told me he had always dreamed of being someone's husband. He lost his life prematurely, but he also lost the chance to see that dream come true. It's not fair.”

Mark's mother was sitting on the first row and sobbed loudly at those words. Her husband wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, and Kurt looked at them for a second, sharing a moment. Only they knew how badly this hurt.

“It's not fair. He was a good man. He was smart, funny, and so kind. He always… he always stopped to help old ladies and carry their groceries, and always offered to walk Mrs. Freeman's dog in the winter so she wouldn't risk breaking her hip on the ice again. He liked to drop by unannounced and bring me lunch when I was at work.” Kurt paused, overcome with sadness. Having to talk about him in past tense seemed so surreal. This had to be a nightmare he could wake up from. Why did this have to be his new reality? “Everyone loved him. He was a fantastic chef, a great friend, and the love of my life. He can't be gone because I…” Unable to stop himself anymore, Kurt turned towards the coffin. Mark looked so peaceful, and just as handsome as ever. But the surroundings were so cold that Kurt couldn't even allow himself to imagine he was just sleeping, that he would wake up and smile at him any minute now. “What am I going to do without you? You weren't supposed to leave me yet. You were never supposed to leave me…”

Kurt couldn't hold himself together any more. He burst into tears, crying so desperately that his legs nearly gave out. He felt his father's strong arms encircle him a few seconds later, and allowed himself to be pulled back to his seat.

His world was spinning out of control, but he couldn't find the strength to make it stop.

*

Blaine went home to his silent dark apartment after the funeral, dropped his keys into the bowl by the door, and loosened his tie as he went straight to the kitchen to get a beer. He leaned limply against the counter, exhausted by the very long emotional day. 

He was worried about Kurt. Even though Mark's death was still so recent, he was starting to fear that Kurt wouldn't be able to get himself back together and eventually move on. He had seen his best friend go through a lot of heartbreaking situations, and what he loved the most about him was how he kept his head high and pushed through everything with the kind of fierceness Blaine admired and wished he had as well. Kurt was the strongest person he knew, and seeing him shattered in so many pieces made him feel lost. He had no idea how to help him.

He moved into the living room and dropped down on the couch, letting his head fall against the back and closing his eyes. He didn't bother turning a light on. The darkness seemed to suit his mood.

There were so many things he was unsure of. What did Kurt plan to do now? Would he go back to work immediately, to keep himself distracted? Would he prefer to go to Ohio to stay with his family for a while? Was he going to just cry himself raw for a couple of weeks, before he reverted back to his strong self, even if the pain wasn't gone yet? What Blaine did know, without a doubt, was that whatever Kurt decided, he would be there at his side every step of the way.

*

Burt and Carole stayed with Kurt for a few more days, but they eventually had to go back to Ohio. Burt reluctantly packed his bags and agreed to leave, and only after Blaine assured him for the millionth time that he would let him know if Kurt needed him to come back.

“I'm serious, Anderson. Call me anytime. You say the word and I'll be on the first plane back here,” Burt said, pointing a menacing finger at Blaine.

“I will. But don't worry, Burt. Kurt will be in good hands,” Blaine promised, just before Carole enveloped him in a hug that left him slightly breathless.

Blaine insisted that Kurt go along to see his parents to the airport, thinking it would do him good to get out for some fresh air. They parted at the boarding gate after Burt hugged his son tightly for long minutes, murmuring comforting words into his ear. Kurt nodded, but didn't react much otherwise.

They took a taxi back to Blaine's apartment, but Blaine decided to tell the driver to drop them off at a park nearby instead. Kurt didn't protest, didn't even seem to acknowledge the change in destination. It was a beautiful September afternoon. It was still warm and the sky was open and bright. Blaine hooked Kurt's arm through his and they walked slowly, taking in the children running after each other, and the couples walking hand in hand. Kurt's eyes were still unfocused, but he at least took a deep breath and sighed, which was a lot more than any of them had gotten from him in the past few days.

Blaine stopped to buy two ice-cream cones from a vendor and then directed Kurt towards a wooden bench right under a copious tree. Kurt looked down at his strawberry and chocolate cone as if he didn't know what to do with it.

“Eat it before it melts.” Blaine encouraged him, quickly licking his vanilla caramel ripple one.

“I'm not hungry,” Kurt murmured in a monotone.

“Not an excuse when it comes to ice-cream,” Blaine teased him, but it didn't even get him a smile. He sighed, realizing he would have to take a different approach. “Hey.” He waited until Kurt shifted his blue eyes towards him. “I know you're still hurting, and that this is probably the hardest time of your life, but I want you to know that I won't leave you alone, okay? However long it takes you to get back on your feet… I'm not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Kurt said, looking away quickly.

They ate their ice-cream in silence for a while – or rather, Kurt pretended to eat his, but ended up dumping almost all of it in the trash can when it started melting. The sun was slowly going down in the horizon.

“What do you want to do now? We could order some pizza and watch a movie or two. We haven't done that in a while…” Blaine proposed, as they began walking out of the park.

“I want to go home,” Kurt replied, and he added, before Blaine could say anything else. “Alone. I want to be alone.”

Blaine wanted to protest, but he knew he needed to give Kurt space. He hadn't been alone at all since the wedding. Maybe he needed to collect his thoughts and start focusing on what he needed to do from now on. “Okay. But call me if you need some company…”

Kurt didn't answer. He was already lost in the dark thoughts that swirled in his mind lately.

*

Kurt stood in the middle of his living room, looking around and feeling completely overwhelmed. He hadn't been there since before the wedding – he had been staying with Blaine or with his parents at the hotel, since no one seemed to want to let him out of their sights. But coming back here… god, this place had never felt less like a home.

The emptiness seemed to seep into his bones. There were pictures of him and Mark everywhere – smiling with their cheeks pressed together; Mark wearing a stupid birthday crown while Kurt hugged him from behind during his last birthday; the two of them wearing Santa hats, standing in front of his family's Christmas tree back in Ohio. So much happiness had been lost, turned into nothing but memories. Kurt felt like they were choking him now.

Mark was gone. He kept repeating that inside his head, but he somehow couldn't understand what those words meant. He was gone. He wasn't going to see him again. And yet, Kurt turned towards the front door, as if hoping Mark would open it and walk through any moment now, smiling and ready to tell him about whatever had happened at the restaurant that day.

He was gone. One side of the bed would remain vacant. The green coffee mug that complimented his own blue one wouldn't be pulled out of the cupboard in the morning anymore. The set of towels with the awful flower pattern that Mark had bought only because he knew it made Kurt cringe was still in the bathroom, but would go unused. There was a crime novel on the coffee table that Mark had started reading last week, but he would never get to finish.

Kurt took a few steps back, as if he could physically get away from what had happened. When his back was against the wall, he slowly slid himself down to the floor and hugged his legs, bringing them against his chest and burying his face in them.

“It's not fair,” he sobbed into his knees. “Come back. You have to come back. You have to come back…”

The apartment remained silent and empty, and Kurt's heart broke a little more every time he pleaded in vain.

Still, he kept begging for something that would never happen until his throat was raw and his voice cracked, because he didn't know what else to do.

*

Unable to sleep, Blaine got into bed with his laptop and browsed the internet mindlessly for a few hours. He checked a few emails, fell into the rabbit hole that YouTube could turned to, and scrolled through his Facebook feed. Kurt's wall was full of messages of condolence from people who hadn't made it to the wedding or the funeral. He tried to ignore those, but they were numerous and kept popping up. Some were thoughtful and sincere, and others were from people who clearly just wanted to know about what had happened and hid it amongst empty words of sympathy. He had a few messages from common acquaintances himself, asking all about Mark and wanting to know how Kurt was doing. He replied to those who sounded seriously concerned, but skipped the others. He wasn't going to waste his time with people who clearly just wanted to gossip and didn't really care about Kurt or Mark.

It was well past midnight and he was balancing his options – he was craving some coffee, but he knew that if he wanted to get any sleep tonight, he should probably get on that now. He didn't have anywhere to be the following day, but he really wanted to buy Kurt breakfast in the morning, drop by his apartment to check how he was doing after his first night there alone…

He nearly didn't hear the knock on the door. He had his headphones on and he was lost in thought. He frowned, glancing quickly at the time in confusion, before he got out of bed and walked out of his bedroom, grabbing a random hoodie from where it was draped over a chair on his way to the front door.

Blaine was surprised to see Kurt standing out in the hallway. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he looked awful, nothing like himself. He was enveloped in a sweatshirt that clearly didn't belong to him, and was wearing sweatpants. Blaine had never before seen him out in public in such clothes.

Before he could say anything, Kurt ran a hand through his hair tiredly, making more of a mess of it than it already was, and said, “Can I stay here with you tonight?”

Blaine opened the door wider. “Of course.”

He didn't ask if Kurt was okay. He didn't ask if something had happened. He didn't ask if there was anything he could do for Kurt. He already knew the answers to all of those questions. He simply followed Kurt when he went straight for his bedroom, and allowed him to settle into bed before he slipped in under the covers next to him, closing his laptop and putting it down on the floor.

Kurt immediately gravitated towards him, wrapping his arms around Blaine and burying his face on his chest. “I can't believe he's gone,” he sniffed, so quietly that Blaine almost didn't hear him.

“I know,” Blaine whispered, rubbing his back soothingly.

“We should be on our honeymoon right now,” Kurt continued, closing his eyes and burrowing even deeper into the softness of Blaine's hoodie. “I told him a million times that Hawaii was such a cliché location. That if we wanted to do what everyone else does, we should have chosen Paris. But he really wanted to go to the beach…”

“And you hate going to the beach,” Blaine smiled at him. He had listened to them arguing about the location for the honeymoon a million times. He knew why Kurt had given out in the end.

“The sun isn't my friend,” Kurt said, without the usual sarcastic bite that made the phrase sound funny. “But he wanted it so much… he said he couldn't imagine a better honeymoon. Just the sand, the ocean and me for two weeks…”

“He always knew exactly what to say to convince you…”

“He did. He just… he sounded like that was all he needed,” Kurt continued. His voice cracked a bit, but he sounded absolutely astounded. “I never thought I would find someone who could want me like that. Someone who would think I was enough to be happy…”

“You're amazing. I always knew you'd find it,” Blaine said, without hesitating.

“And now I've lost it…” Kurt's bottom lip quivered as he tried to stop himself from crying.

“I'm sorry, Kurt. I wish… I wish I could give you a magic solution right now. I wish I could bring him back. I never want to see you hurting like this but…” Blaine stopped, unsure of what else to say. He didn't know what to say to comfort him anymore.

“But life sucks,” Kurt finished for him, and Blaine chuckled sadly.

“Yeah. It really does sometimes,” he sighed. “But the happy times make up for it, right?”

“Maybe. I can't really… I can't think of the happy times now. It's all… it just hurts so much…”

Blaine wrapped his arms tighter around Kurt and kissed his forehead. “I know, sweetheart. But there were so many good times. And more will come, even if you don't feel like that is possible now. I know it's hard for you to focus on the good things you and Mark shared, but one day it's going to hurt a little less and you'll be grateful for the time you had with him…”

“I don't want to be grateful for a handful of years that won't even make up half of my life. Not even a quarter of it. I wanted him – forever, until the end of our lives. An end that should have been light years down the road…” Kurt choked on his words and covered his face with a hand, while gripping Blaine's hoodie in a fist with the other.

Blaine didn't know what to say to that – there was no comfort he could possibly offer. He just pressed another kiss to his forehead and held him as tightly as he could, letting Kurt know without having to say it that he was there. He allowed Kurt to cry against his chest while he rubbed his shoulders and his back, until he eventually fell asleep, absolutely spent.

Blaine lay there awake for a little while longer, with his heart broken for his best friend, wishing he could find a way to heal all his wounds, but knowing a simple Band-Aid couldn't cover such a deep cut.

*