Aug. 6, 2012, 11:35 a.m.
State of The Art: The End!
M - Words: 3,822 - Last Updated: Aug 06, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: Apr 23, 2012 - Updated: Aug 06, 2012 311 0 0 0 0
Sebastian sauntered off to answer the loud knock on his apartment door, abandoning the man he was fucking into next week alone in the bedroom.
“Hold the fuck on! I’m coming!” Sebastian shouted as the loud pounding of the fists became louder.
When Sebastian opened the front door, he immediately regretted it. Turning right around, Sebastian sprinted for the window he had that led to ground level.
“Hold it right there, sir!” The police officer shouted, chasing down Sebastian. The other cop was still standing at the door, talking into his pager.
“Sebastian Smythe, you under the arrest on account of rape.” The officer declared, grabbing Sebastian before tossing him to the floor and pinning him down with his hands draped across his back.
“What!? That is insane!” Sebastian argued, thrashing violently on the ground in an attempt to break free.
“Sebastian Smythe, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense. Do you understand these rights as they are read to you?” He asked, clamping the metal handcuffs on Sebastian’s wrists.
“This is fucking ridiculous, get me out of this!” Sebastian laughed, and started to cough when the brawny man tugged tighter on the steel cuffs, sending a sharp pain up his arms. “Yes, fine, I fucking understand!” He shouted, letting him be pulled up.
The young man that Sebastian was with came out and was swarmed by the other police man. He looked frightened beyond belief, and Sebastian just mouthed “Don’t worry about it,” at the guy. Not like Sebastian gave a fuck about him anyway, though he was really great with his tongue.
Kurt lay in bed, limp as a sloth. He started to think about his life, playing back the tape as if he was sitting in a cinema. All of a sudden, it was like a train came crashing into his bedroom and ran over him, obliterating Kurt into pieces. He realized that Kurt had nothing left to live for. His only lifeline had faded, chosen a new path to venture on, leaving Kurt behind.
None of his friends really mattered to Kurt anymore. Of course he cared about them, but they rarely talked because his time was mostly consumed by Blaine. But now Blaine was gone, and God knows for how long. All Kurt could think about was how Blaine was doing. Who was he with? What was he thinking? Where was he? How was he feeling? Did he miss Kurt? The overwhelming feeling of it all hit Kurt like a rock, causing him nothing but pure sadness. Kurt walked over to his bedside table, grabbing a notepad and a pen. Kurt had nothing left anymore. He was an empty shell of a person, simply floating around with no purpose to existence. So why should Kurt have to be alive, take from other people? Kurt didn’t work, didn’t have a person to share his life with intimately, Kurt had nothing to look forward too each day. And Kurt knew as long as Blaine was absent, his soul would never be complete. Never in a million years would Kurt believe he’d be stepping this far, but Kurt Hummel was writing his suicide note.
Tears started to angrily rush down Kurt’s cheeks, staining the white piece of paper. The piece was completely soiled within seconds, so Kurt grabbed it and crumpled it up with as much force as he could manage, tossing it on the floor. This happened multiple times, Kurt just grabbing useless pieces of paper and furiously tossing them to the ground, occasionally in pieces. Finally gripping the pen tighter, Kurt began to write. Months of screenplay writing finally came in handy.
“To all whom is concerned,
Please do not fret over this more than necessary. I never thought I would stoop this low to actually go the length to end my life. But some extremely tragic events in my life have simply forcing me over the edge. Even experiencing the bullies in highschool, the hateful slurs and physical abuse could not amount to such pain as losing someone in my life I absolutely adore. With that amazing man out of my life, there is a deep hole that has been hammered into my heart. A hole that can never be filled without that same exact person to come and patch me up. This hole is eating at me, commandeering my soul and turning it into a dark, loveless place. There is no hope anymore, not for me, not for us. I don’t think I would ever be able to realize the events that have forced themselves upon me are reality, for it is too painful to bear. The truth of the matter is, I am not ending my life because of someone. I am ending it because I lost that someone, due to my own stupidity and another man’s cruel intentions. To the more personal address, I want to make a note of something in this letter. To Blaine, I love you more than words can describe, more than my soul could handle and it is taking a severe toll on my sanity. I honestly wish that we could maneuver over this because, this was never supposed to happen. Never in an eternity would I ever hurt you like this, but I completely understand your decision. I support your choice, though it murdered my heart with every last word and every single goodbye. To my amazing father, thank you. Thank you for always being there for me and constantly being supportive of my decisions. I know this will hurt you more than anything, and believe me when I say I am truly sorry for it. I love you, dad and I will make sure that Mom and I watch over you in Heaven. To Carole, thank you for being the mother I could never have as an adult, thank you for being a role model. I love you, too, and I need you to take care of big Papa on this one. It’s all I really ask from you. To Sebastian, I hope you rot in Hell. There is a place down there for people like you, and I know that’s where your soul is damned for. To all of my amazing friends who have put up with me through the years, thank you for being my stable rock when I could not even manage one to hold onto for myself. Thank you for loving me, because I love you too. I’ll look over you guys, too. I’ll miss all of you, though I know all of your lives will continue on without me. I do not want you guys to sit around and mope about me, I want you to offer sympathy and try to move on, no matter how hard. But do not forget me. Simply remember the mistake I made here, and learn from it. Evaluate each situation and learn how to get over it; something I can’t do anymore. I wish from the bottom of my heart that I had the strength to look over this, but none of you will truly understand the emptiness I feel. I have never had anything so wonderful in my grasp, and now that I have let it slip I have no reason for breathing anymore. I love each and every one of you, I do not wish to see any of you soon up here in Heaven with me. Best of luck to everybody, including you Blaine. I hope you find the man of your dreams, even though it wasn’t me. Do not let him flutter away, not like I let happen to you. Try to forget me and everything we had, I promise it will be easier this way. I’ll always love you, even when they have me buried under the Earth in silence. Goodbye.
With as much love as my delicate heart can manage,
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.”
Kurt tried to take a steady breath, but ultimately failed. He was spurting unattractive breaths of air, heaving as much oxygen as he could into his lungs. Kurt walked over to the closet, where he knew he always kept a long strand of rope. It had…questionable use, but Kurt would not dwell on that fact. He laid the strip of thick brown, coarse length onto his bed and walked towards the kitchen. The staircase was just to his left, all he needed was the tape to attach the note to the railing. Leaving the engagement ring untouched on the counter, Kurt carefully put it back in the box. He smiled sadly at the sight, and then tucked it into his pocket. As he walked back into his bedroom, he snatched up the rope and tied it into a hole. The noose was snug and tight, affixing to his neck width. The expertise is where a lot of tailoring his own clothes came from, as well as that God-awful 2 years of boy scouts.
Kurt placed the rope gently around his neck, flitching in how scratchy the fabric made him feel. Adjusting it once more, Kurt tied the other end of the rope on the top of the balcony railing. Looking down to the floor, he smiled in content. Kurt Hummel wasn’t going to have to suffer anymore. Sliding under the railing and onto the other side, Kurt took a huge intake of breath and prepared to jump down to the lower level. Thoughts of failure were immediately blocked from his mind, confident enough that he was about to die. Swinging is legs over the side of the edge, he clicked “Play” on his iPod and let the sound of music fill his ears to drown out any thought of backing out.
Which means that Kurt Hummel did not hear the click of the door, the turning of the knob and a loud shout. Closing his eyes, Kurt Hummel slowly slid off of the railing, his sobs reaching to an increasing tempo, alerting the man that was in the hall.
Blaine Anderson ran towards the cry, and what he saw was a sight he’d never forget. Just as Kurt was about to push the last few inches off of the ledge, Blaine grabbed his body and held him tightly.
“STOP!” Kurt screamed, his eyes sealed shut with regretful tears. Blaine immediately ripped the rope off of Kurt’s neck, pulling him back to safety and wrapping his strong arms around him tightly.
“Kurt…Oh my god, Kurt…” Blaine sobbed into Kurt’s shoulders, both of them clinging to each other for dear life. Kurt was a complete wreck, his usually perfectly-styled hair a mop atop his hair, his skin blotchy and irritated.
After just holding each other for what seemed like forever, Blaine was the first to pull away. Kurt resisted eye contact, looking down at the floor as the last of his tears fell down his cheeks. Blaine wiped the liquid dripping down Kurt’s face with his thumbs, lingering them for a bit longer than necessary.
“Please don’t,” Kurt stuttered out, closing his eyes and trying to formulate words. “Don’t, um. C-call the police, or anybody.” Kurt turned his gaze up toward Blaine, locking his now gray-painted eyes with Blaine’s hazel irises.
“Kurt, this really isn’t healthy…” Blaine whispered, grabbing Kurt’s hand gently and stroking his palm softly.
“I know, it’s just- I miss you.” Kurt whispered, barely managing to speak the words. He looked physically pained, as if every word was a stab straight into the spine. Kurt shivered, and then opened his mouth to speak again. “I need you.”
“The police arrested Sebastian this morning,” Blaine said, wiping an escaping strand of hair that was splayed across Kurt’s forehead. “I’m so sorry for not believing you…” He whispered, wrapping his arms right around Kurt’s torso again.
“No, please don’t apologize. It was m-my fault, I should have known that was all he wanted…I shouldn’t have even t-talked to him.” Kurt admitted and closed his eyes as Blaine’s tight embrace warmed him.
“Let’s go get you cleaned up, okay?” Blaine pulled back, and pushed off of his heels to stand up. Swaying a little from the lack of coordination, he gripped the banister for stability. He used his other hand to pull Kurt up from the ground, holding him still as well.
Kurt nodded in reply, leaving the note and rope abandoned on the floor. “Wait.” He paused on the stairs, looking down at Blaine.
“What?” Blaine questioned, turning around to glance at Kurt.
“What does this mean? Between us?” Kurt asked, preparing himself for the worst possible answer.
“Kurt, I-I love you. With my whole heart, and I really don’t know how we’re going to do this. But, Kurt, believe me when I say I want to try. I know we can get over this, because I know I can still trust you. It’ll take a little time, but I know we can come up on top. I love you so fucking much, Kurt. And right there? What I just saw? You, trying to end it all? I-I don’t even know how I’ll ever be able to get over how broken you looked. How I almost just lost the love of my life, due to my own stupidity. Please don’t ever try that again, please…Kurt.” Blaine whispered, hurt in his voice. Walking up the extra step to reach Kurt’s lips, he kissed him softly. Kurt immediately broke into a smile, kissing Blaine’s plush lips back happily. He hadn’t felt this feeling for quite some time, and he missed the amazing touch.
“Come on, baby.” Blaine picked Kurt up with his strong arms. Kurt leant into the touch, closing his eyes against Blaine’s chest. Blaine carried him into the bedroom, stripping off some of Kurt’s clothes delicately as to not startle him. By this time, Kurt was already passed out. Blaine smiled at how peaceful he looked, his sunken in features made him appear as if he desperately needed a good night’s sleep.
Kurt’s long eyelashes fanned gently across his slightly rosy cheeks as he tossed slightly in his sleep when Blaine sat in the bed next to him. Blaine pulled the soft blanket over their tired bodies, draping it against their skin. Kurt turned over in his sleep, and his eyes opened for merely a second.
“I love you,” Kurt whispered, wrapping his arms securely around Blaine, waiting for that confirmation that Blaine was there to stay.
“I love you too, Kurt. I always have and I always will.” Blaine sighed, kissing Kurt’s forehead softly as he tugged him closer to his body to hold.
“Sing to me, please?” Kurt asked, laying his head on Kurt’s soft yet stable chest as he closed his eyes to sleep.
Blaine kissed the top of his head once again, lightly stroking his hair because he knew it helped Kurt fall asleep. His body was flush against Kurt’s, warm and all snuggly like.
“I’m falling even more in love with you,
Letting go of all I’ve held onto,
I’m standing here until you make move,
I’m hanging by a moment here with you.
I’m living for the only thing I know,”
Blaine continued softly stroking Kurt’s hair, running his fingers through the soft yet slightly sweaty hair. The touch didn’t bother him, nothing about Kurt bothered Blaine. Only except for the fact he almost killed himself. But Blaine was going to help Kurt with that, he was going to make him feel loved again. Never would he let Kurt travel down that dark path alone, without Blaine’s loving arms to swoop in and rescue him.
“I’m running and not quite sure where to go.
And I don’t know what I’m diving into,
Just hanging by a moment here with you…” Blaine finished, silently dozing off into sleep under Kurt.
Blaine woke up sometime in the middle of the night, around 4AM. He had an aching headache and was a little sore from having Kurt rest on him the entire night. Kurt’s body sort of trapped Blaine’s arm, and it was like trying to navigate through a maze when he attempted to get up out of bed. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Blaine walked up the stairs towards the loft. The rope and the note were still scattered on the floor, laying untouched. He walked over to them, swallowing back tears at the horrifying memory, and glanced down to read the letter.
Each word that was engraved with dark, splotchy ink pounded pain straight into Blaine’s heart. His body ached of fear, regret and agony for his love. Blaine had no desire to ever let that Kurt hurt this much, he never thought that it would be this bad. Of course Blaine was in that same position, he knew deep down inside that he would go back to Kurt. Some relationships are irreplaceable, but this one was worth the fight in the end. Blaine got the last few lines about himself, and almost broke down right there. The one thing nobody in this world ever experiences is your true love faltering at their last point, telling you to go on without them. It’s like in the Titanic, when they try to separate, Jack trying to sacrifice Rose. And Rose immediately declines to abandon him, making the decision subconsciously because she loves him that much. The thought of Kurt and himself being in that position made him choke loudly, a sob hitting him like a pound in the back. He furiously fought back the loud noise, trying to keep the silence so he didn’t threaten to wake Kurt. Kurt desperately needed sleep, to be able to relax and repair the damage that Blaine had done to him.
As Blaine went into the kitchen to boil himself a pot of coffee, he went about cleaning Kurt’s apartment. The place was incredibly dirty, it looked like Kurt had no desire to even clean it. That was extremely strange, because Kurt always was a “clean-freak” and needed everything to be spotless. But the realization that Kurt wouldn’t really give a damn how broken his apartment was when he was laying in the ground made Blaine swallow sadly yet again.
After making the entire place completely spotless, Blaine was again drowsy. He made himself and Kurt two omelets for breakfast, as well as the coffee, and sat down at the table. Resting his cheek on his fist as he read the newspaper, Blaine slowly checked the clock on his wrist. It was about 6AM, Kurt would be awake soon.
“Blaine! Blaine!?” Kurt shouted, running around the apartment frantically.
“Hrmph?” Blaine lifted his head, staring into space. Shit, he thought. Blaine didn’t notice that he’d fallen asleep, and probably scared Kurt beyond belief. “I’m in here, Kurt!” Blaine shouted, his voice raspy and heavy from sleep.
“Oh thank god, you gave me a heartattack.” Kurt breathed, walking towards the wooden table and sitting next to Blaine. “You alright?” He questioned, reaching over to put his hand on top of Blaine’s.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I made you breakfast, it’s on the counter.” Blaine smiled, sitting back up and throwing the newspaper away. He walked back over to Kurt and kissed his lips softly once. “Unfortunately, I need to get to the theater. Rehearsal,” Blaine droned, walking back to the white couch in the loungeroom.
“This early?” Kurt asked, looking down at the kitchen timer/digital clock on the stove. He stabbed his omelet with his fork, and shoved it into his mouth. “Delicious, thank you.” Kurt marveled, spearing the rest of it again and forcing it into his mouth.
“Yeah, something about the director not liking sleeping too much? I’ll be back around 3 though, don’t worry. We have a few things to talk about,” Blaine said, shrugging his light coat onto his shoulders. He tossed his keys into his pocket and walked back over to take another sip from his coffee cup. “Do you mind cleaning up? I sort of um, cleaned everything else.” Blaine blushed, smiling at Kurt with his most bashful grin.
“No problem. Just be safe, alright? It’s kind of hectic out there this morning…” Kurt announced as he gathered all of the dishes up and stored them into the washer. “Some concert or parade or something,” Kurt said nonchalantly and leaned against the counter.
“Kurt?” Blaine questioned, looking at him strangely. He paused in the doorway, cocking his head to the side.
“Yeah?”
“It’s Fourth of July. Of course there’s a parade.” Blaine said, laughing a little. He walked over and kissed Kurt’s forehead gently before walking back towards the front door.
“Oh, yeah. Right. Slipped my mind.” Kurt smiled.
“Fireworks later?” Blaine looked hopefully, his excitement bubbling like a 5 year old child. Kurt rolled his eyes, smiling appreciatively at him.
“Definitely.”
The roar of clapping erupted around them as the festival started. Alcoholic drinks clutched tightly in their hands, sitting incredibly close to each other as they waited for the colors to flood the sky. The blanket they had was in the back of central park, away from most of the crowd. Kurt had his head resting softly against Blaine’s shoulders, his arm clad around Kurt’s waist. The festive music started playing, “I’m Proud to Be An American!” through the speakers that were draped around the grass. Most of the hanging lights were dimmed to a minimum, so everyone could experience the sky.
As soon as the first firework launched up into the air, the music increased as well as the crowd. “Oooh’s” and “Ahhhh’s” flooded their eyes, as well as the loud cracking of the explosions. Colors painted the sky, the gray smoke fading in the background after each cracker was fired into the night air. One after one they erupted with a bang into the dark sky, luminous displays of images with color flooding their vision. It was incredibly romantic, the loud and repetitive clacking after each firework blasted in the upper atmosphere. Blaine wrapped his arms tighter around Kurt’s waist, staring in his eyes. The flashes of blue, red, green and white reflected onto his face, illuminating Kurt’s appearance even though it was so dark.
They made sweet eye contact, already feeling as if they had sat around for millions of years on nights like this. Kurt leaned across and kissed Blaine’s lips in a chaste motion, a delicate flurry of lips. The outbursts ceased, both being too distracted in each other to watch the finale.
“I love you.” Blaine declared, kissing Kurt’s lips one more time.
“I love you too, Blaine.” Kurt replied, kissing back and smiling the largest grin sported across his face in days.