Kurt didn't know what to do with himself after Carson left. He couldn't believe any of this was happening right now, although he should have known that his and Carson's happiness was too good and too perfect to last for very long. Apparently he had been foolish to think that life was finally going to allow him to be happy. He went back into the apartment and paced around for a while, trying to gather his thoughts and calm down.

It's not as bad as you think, Kurt. He didn't even give you a chance to explain, after all. He's just upset, and you know how stubborn he gets when he's upset. Once he's calmed down, he'll listen to what you have to say, and he'll realize you would never leave him to go back to Blaine. That everything is fine and will stay fine, forever, because we...him and I...we're meant to be together. It's fate.

His little mental pep talk made him feel a little bit better, but it still hurt deep in his stomach. It hurt very badly. He hadn't felt this terrible since the day Carson had walked in on him and Blaine in the bedroom, and this time was so much worse. He couldn't stop thinking about Carson's face as he confronted him. He had been crying, and that was extremely disturbing to Kurt. Carson never cried. Well, almost never. Kurt had seen him cry a few times over the years when Carson thought he was alone, mostly in the couple of years following their mother's death, but in general, Carson never cried in front of him. Seeing him fall apart like that tonight was unnerving, and on top of that, he had referred to Blaine by his actual name. Kurt didn't even want to think about how heartbroken Carson must have been to do that, and knowing that it was all because of him was making Kurt hurt even worse.

I'm sorry, Carsey, he thought miserably as he made his way into the bedroom, grabbing Carson Teddy from his perch on the dresser and holding it close to his chest as he flopped down onto the bed. The same bed, he realized, that they would have been making love on right now if it weren't for Blaine showing up and spoiling everything.

Damn it, Blaine. You and your extreme boundary issues are really starting to take their toll on me and my life, and I will NOT take it anymore. Kurt stroked Carson Teddy's face absentmindedly, his fingers sinking into the soft fuzz, and he started to cry as he hugged the bear as tightly as he could. He hoped maybe Carson would feel it and come back, and then they could talk, and everything would be right again, as it should be. Don't leave me here alone, Carsey, he thought as he hugged the bear. Don't go. There's no reason for you to go. Come back to me. We can make this alright.

He lay there in miserable, teary silence for several minutes, and then he frowned. Why should he sit here and cry? What good was that going to do for anyone? No. He was going to talk to Carson and he was going to fix things right now. He placed Carson Teddy gently against the pillows on the bed and rooted around in the covers until he found his phone. He took a deep breath and determinedly dialed Carson, placing the phone to his ear and waiting. He heard a buzzing coming from the nightstand and realized, to his utter dismay, that Carson had neglected to take his phone with him in his haste to leave.

Great. Just awesome, he thought sadly as he hung up his phone and shoved it in his pocket. I don't even know where he would have gone. Surely he isn't really going home. Especially not without his phone. He'll figure out that it's gone and he'll have to come back for it, right?

A sudden loud noise snapped him rudely out of his thoughts, and he let out a little scream as he instinctively covered his ears from what sounded like either one hell of a gunshot or a tremendous explosion happening right outside the building, so loud and forceful that it rattled the windowpanes.

What the hell was that? he thought, his heart beating at a thousand times its normal rate as his hands shook from the shock. He'd never heard a noise like that in his life, least of all here in the city. He shuffled over to his bedroom's window and looked outside curiously, trying to determine the cause of the noise. It was raining pretty steadily now, and Kurt could see puddles starting to accumulate on the sidewalk outside. Hmm...maybe it was lightning. He turned his head to the right and frowned, peering closer and practically pressing his nose up against the glass. The rain was making it hard to see very well, but...

What's that? he wondered as his eyes fell upon a shape laying in the middle of the street. Is that...wait, is that a person? What...

And then he gasped, and he could swear he felt his heart seizing up and refusing to beat as he realized, with startling, terrifying clarity, what he was looking at. Time stood still, and Kurt could only hear static in his ears as he beat his hands against the windowpane.

"Carson!" he yelled, his heart hammering in his chest as he wished desperately for this to be a hallucination, that he would close his eyes and open them and Carson wouldn't be laying lifeless in the street. Or that Carson would hear him and get up and be perfectly fine, and then Kurt could murder him for scaring him like this. Oh god, that noise...what if he's been hit? Oh my god, please...

"CARSON!" he screamed again, and then his brain completely shut down. He turned away from the window and hurried out of the apartment on autopilot, pounding down the stairs and out of the building faster than he had in his entire time living there. He ran right outside, into the rain, not caring about getting his clothes wet or the fact that he was in his bare feet and slipping every few steps.

"Carson!" he called, tears spilling from his eyes as he drew closer to his twin's lifeless form. "Carson, oh my god!" He reached him and knelt beside him, unsure what to do but knowing that he needed to do something. "Help!" he screamed desperately to the small crowd of onlookers who had gathered under an awning across the street, whispering and talking among themselves as they just stared. "Help me, please!" One horrified looking woman reached for her phone and began to dial. Kurt turned his attention back to Carson and sobbed as he took in the sight of his unconscious, unresponsive twin, noticing the dark singe marks on his clothes but not really registering them.

"Carson, baby, I'm here," he said tearfully, scooping Carson up into his lap and looking around for someplace to drag him to where the rain wouldn't be pounding relentlessly down on them both. He grabbed Carson underneath the arms and began dragging him as gently but as fast as he could over to the sidewalk, settling him down underneath the awning of his apartment building. "Carson," he cried softly now that he could focus a little more. It was the lowest moment of his life, looking at Carson like that and feeling so utterly helpless to make it better.

Please don't let him die, please...oh god, I'll do anything, just please...

He placed his ear to Carson's chest and listened, hoping for some sign of life, but heard nothing. No heartbeat, no breath...absolutely nothing. Not that he'd be able to hear a heartbeat over all that rain, even if Carson had one. His twin was so very warm to the touch, as though he had the world's worst fever. Kurt panicked only momentarily before he remembered that he had taken a first aid class as an elective during his time at Dalton, one aspect of which had been basic CPR. He frantically thought back to the class, trying to dredge up everything he could remember through his tears and his haze of unimaginable worry.

Um...oh god, what was the first step again...fuck, Kurt, THINK. Um...ok, I...I think...yes, I should lay him down first...he's already laying down...oh god...ok...center of the chest...I'm supposed to pump at the center of the chest...

He gently placed his hands on Carson's chest, his fingers pressing near the top of his ribcage, and silently wished on an imaginary star that he wouldn't severely screw this up. Carson's life was at stake, here.

His life...oh my god, he could die. HE COULD DIE. Oh god, what would I do? Damn it, Kurt, focus.

He took a deep breath and began pumping fast and steady on Carson's chest, his training on the rubber dummy from his Dalton days rushing back to him as he did it, much to his relief. Pure adrenaline was what was keeping him going now. He had to be strong for Carson. He pumped the requisite number of times, and then he gently tipped Carson's head back, lifting his chin and pinching his nose closed. He covered his twin's mouth with his own and gave him two breaths, watching his chest for any signs of breathing. Nothing.

Carson, no, you can't do this to me, he thought desperately as he resumed pumping at Carson's chest. You can't die. I won't let you. He finished pumping and gave Carson two more breaths. Still nothing.

"Carson, baby, come on," Kurt sobbed as he started another set of pumps. "Please breathe for me, Carsey, please. I need you." He gave Carson two more breaths and watched his chest, afraid he would see nothing again. To his relief and amazement, he could make out a slight rising and falling of his twin's chest this time.

"Carson!" he exclaimed, joy momentarily overtaking his worry as he did one more set of pumps and breaths, just in case. He threw himself over Carson's body and sobbed, placing little kisses all over his face as his twin occasionally spasmed on the ground.

"You're going to live, Carsey, do you hear me?" Kurt said as he gently scooped Carson up into his lap. "You're going to live, because I refuse to live without you, so don't you fucking die on me," he said through his tears as he tenderly stroked his fingers through Carson's soaked hair. "Help is on the way, baby. It's coming, just hang on. Please don't leave me." He felt his tears sliding off his face and landing on Carson's, mixing with the rain that was already soaking both of their faces. "I love you, Carson, and I'm sorry. This was all my fault, and you can't...you can't die."

He held him close, every passing minute feeling like hours as he cried and waited for the ambulance to show up. He couldn't even begin to describe how worried and full of despair he was. This was the worst he'd ever felt. Worse than the day their father had a heart attack, and worse even than the day their mother died. As horrible as those things had been, this was a million times worse. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he actually lost Carson. He didn't think he had it in him to go on if Carson died.

"Carsey, you h-have to hang on, baby," he said with a sniffle, brushing the water off of Carson's face with one hand. "For me, you have to." Bits and pieces of their lives flashed through his mind as he held him. He saw them on their first day of high school, Carson reaching into the dirty, smelly dumpster to hoist Kurt up by the arms and lift him out after Puck had thrown him in . He saw them younger, Kurt sitting poised and wide-eyed beside Burt as they watched Carson perform a demonstration with the rest of his martial arts class. He saw Carson watching with a smile on his face as Kurt performed his assigned part of his ballet class' end-of-year recital. He saw them even younger than that, sitting on either side of their mother in bed as she read them a story and then sang them to sleep (Castle on a Cloud, Kurt's favorite). He glanced down at Carson, limp and unconscious in his arms, and he swore he could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces as he tried not to think about what life would be like without him.

"There is a castle on a cloud," he began singing softly, partly to comfort Carson, if he could even hear him right now, and partly to distract himself so he didn't cry himself into a stupor. "I like to go there in my sleep..." He held Carson closer and kept an eye on his chest, which was still rising and falling, but just barely. Hurry up, what's taking so long, he thought as he continued singing.

"There is a lady all in white...holds me and sings a lullaby...she's nice to see and she's soft to touch...she says "Carson, I love you very much," he sang, inserting his twin's name into the song with a whisper. At last, at long last, he heard an ambulance siren approaching, getting closer every second, and he breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Carsey...Carsey, baby, just hold on a little longer, ok? They're here. Help is here, you've almost...you've almost made it, sweetie, just a little longer, ok?" he pleaded with Carson as the ambulance parked and a team of paramedics exited, carrying the necessary equipment and approaching the twins determinedly. Carson was taken from his arms and Kurt distracted himself momentarily by running back out into the street to retrieve Carson's bag, which was as burnt and singed as his clothes. After that, he had nothing to do except stand there with the bag in one hand and watch, bawling, as they transferred Carson onto a stretcher. He happened to glance down at his shirt and let out a small, anguished cry when he realized there was blood staining it from where Carson's head had been resting. Oh my god, oh my baby...

"Will he be ok?" he asked one of the paramedics tearfully as his twin was carefully loaded into the back of the ambulance.

"We hope so, honey," she answered, patting him on the shoulder as she climbed into the ambulance herself. "Are you riding along with us?"

"Yes," answered Kurt quickly, climbing frantically into the back of the ambulance and placing himself beside Carson. He grasped his twin's hand and squeezed gently, glancing down at him with tear-filled eyes. Carsey, hold on for me, baby, ok? They're taking you to the hospital and then you'll be just fine and then we can go home. And I'll never let you out of my sight again, for the rest of our lives. I don't care if I have to move to Chicago with you. I'm not going to lose you again. He ignored the blood on his shirt and the nagging in the back of his brain that was telling him that those words might not be true, and tuned out the noise and the voices of the paramedics as they gave each other instructions. Other than to answer a few questions asked of him, he focused entirely on Carson, the only person who mattered right now, and the only person who would ever matter to him.

Please don't die, sweetheart. Please. I love you.

He wasn't sure how long it was before he finally tuned back into the real world, but when he did the ambulance was pulling into the emergency entrance to the hospital and the crew was opening the doors. They carefully lifted Carson out and rolled him quickly through the doors of the emergency room, giving pieces of information to the nurses who came running to meet them. Kurt caught phrases like "Nineteen year old male," "lightning strike victim, and "received CPR at the scene" as he stubbornly held onto Carson's hand.

Lightning strike, he thought in shock, turning the words over in his head as they sank in. He hadn't yet really thought about what had actually happened to Carson, and he didn't want to think about it now. He wondered who'd told the paramedics. Probably the woman who had called them. Lightning. My baby was hit by lightning.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to ask you to wait out here," one of the nurses said as she placed one hand comfortingly on Kurt's shoulder.

"But...no...no, I need to be with him," Kurt protested, even as they began to roll Carson away from him and down the hall. "NO, please!" he exclaimed in a panic. "Please, I have to be with him! When he wakes up and I'm not there, he'll be scared...please..."

"We'll come get you when he's stabile, ok?" she replied, leading him over to a small, empty waiting area. "Everything's going to be alright. We're going to do all we can to save your brother."

"Carson," Kurt mumbled, staring down at the floor as he hugged his arms around himself. "His name is Carson." It occurred to him that he was still holding onto Carson's wet and singed bag, and his breath caught in his throat as he tried not to look at it.

"Carson," the nurse repeated, patting Kurt on the shoulder once more before turning around and disappearing back down the hallway. Kurt just stood there for a minute, trying to absorb what was happening, but mostly just feeling numb. It was beginning to hit him that the last time he had spoken to Carson had been to plead with him not to leave.

"It hurts, and I'm going to leave now before it gets any worse." Those had been Carson's last words to him, and Kurt couldn't help but feel a painful stab of sorrow in his stomach at the sudden double meaning of the word "leave." Oh god, what if those were literally his last words to me?...No, Carson, please, you can't do that...you can't leave me...I don't know how to live without you, baby, please... He collapsed into the nearest chair, burying his face in his hands and crying harder than he ever remembered crying in his entire life. Harder than he had cried at his mother's funeral, or when Burt had been laying in the hospital with a heart attack. This was the worst kind of pain he'd ever experienced. Carson was a part of him, his second half, the literal love of his life. He honestly didn't know what he would do without him, and the very thought that some doctor could come out at any minute and tell him that his life as he knew it was over terrified him.

He sat there like that for a long time, until he was out of tears and had cried himself into a whimpering, shaking mess. It was weird, crying like this without Carson there to comfort him. Carson had always been the rock he depended on when he was sad, and now...he bit his lip to keep from crying anymore as he felt fresh tears prickling the corners of his eyes. He had to do something. He had to keep busy somehow. What was it his dad always said about idle hands?

Oh god...DAD! He doesn't know, oh my god, Kurt thought frantically as the thought suddenly occurred to him. Out in Lima, his family were happily going about their lives, probably having a fun Saturday night, and they had no idea that Carson was laying somewhere in this hospital, fighting for his life. Kurt felt the overwhelming urge to cry again, but somehow he managed to suppress it as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, hating absolutely everything about the fact that he had to make this phone call at all. But his dad had to know, and Kurt desperately needed someone to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be ok. Not just an emergency room nurse, but someone familiar. He needed his dad right now, and so did Carson.

With shaking hands, he unlocked his phone and dialed his dad's number before he could lose his nerve. He held the phone up to his ear and waited. And waited. And waited. Maybe he didn't hear it. I'll try again. He hung up and dialed again. After six rings, the voicemail picked up again and he realized with a sinking heart that his dad wasn't going to answer right now. He debated leaving a voicemail and decided against it. He had been crying so hard that he didn't think he could be coherent enough to leave a message his dad would understand, anyway. He would call again later. Maybe Carson would be awake and alert by then, and the situation wouldn't be as bad. Please, please...

He still felt like he needed to talk to somebody, though, or he would lose any remaining shred of sanity he had left. The only other person he could think of to call was Rachel, so that was what he did. He dialed her number and waited, hoping and praying she would answer, or else he might lose it. Thankfully, she answered on the third ring.

"Kurt?" she said curiously as she picked up the call.

"Rachel," he croaked, surprising even himself at how hoarse and weak his own voice sounded from all the crying and the screaming.

"Kurt, is something wrong?" Rachel asked, sounding concerned. "You sound like you've been crying."

"It...it's C-carson," he managed to get out before he gave up trying to hold back the tears anymore. They came flowing from his eyes in fresh streams, coating his already soaked face. "He...he..."

"What's going on, Kurt?" asked Rachel.

"Carson got s-struck by lightning," Kurt sobbed into the phone. "He's unconscious and I'm at the hospital and they won't let me see him, and I...I don't know what to d-do..."

"Oh my god," said Rachel on the other end of the line. "Kurt, honey, I'm so sorry. Do...do you want me to come over there? I can have Brody take me there right now."

"Would you?" Kurt asked, breathing a sigh of relief at the offer. "I just...I'm alone here and I..."

"It's ok, Kurt. I'll be there as soon as I can, alright?" said Rachel.

"Wait, could you stop by the apartment first?" asked Kurt with a sniffle. "I'm um...I don't have any shoes on, so..."

"Ok...ok, I will," Rachel assured him. "I'll bring you some shoes and a change of clothes, ok? Since you'll be there awhile."

"Thank you," said Kurt, suddenly extremely grateful for Rachel's existence, even if he knew that somewhere in the hospital, Carson was probably subconsciously rolling his eyes. "Thank you so much."

"Hang tight, I'll be there soon," she replied. He explained which hospital they were at and then hung up, grasping his phone in his hand as he sat in his seat, nothing to do now but wait. He tried calling his dad again and still got no answer.

Dad, come on. Pick up your phone, he silently pleaded, but to no avail. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and wishing that this could just be a horrible nightmare that he was going to wake up from soon. He wondered what would happen when Carson woke up. He'd be in a strange environment, surrounded by people he didn't know poking and prodding at him, and he'd probably be pissed. And then he would look around for Kurt, and Kurt wouldn't be there. I'm here, though, baby. I'm here, and as soon as they tell me I can see you, I'm going to hold you so tight. He glanced down at the blood stain on his shirt and winced, trying not to imagine how his twin's head had come to be bleeding. He didn't want to picture it, or else he would cry even more, and he was already nothing but a puddle of tears as it was. He dialed his dad one more time, just in case.

"Hello?" came his dad's gruff voice after the second ring, and Kurt's entire being flooded with relief.

"Daddy?" he squeaked out, even more tears clouding his vision as he let go once more. He hadn't called his father "Daddy" since he was in kindergarten, but right now it was sort of fitting, since that's what he felt like. A scared little boy.

"Kurt?" he asked, sounding worried. "Kurt's what's wrong?"

"Carson's in the h-hospital," Kurt answered through his tears.

"What?" Burt exclaimed. "Is he ok? Is he still with you in New York?"

"Yes," said Kurt miserably. "I mean, yes, he's still here in New York, but I...I don't know if he's ok," he added tearfully, becoming more distraught every time it hit him again that he had no idea if Carson was even still alive right now.

"What happened? I'm coming over there as soon as I can, but what happened?"

Kurt told him the same thing he had told Rachel, and Burt grew very quiet on the other end of the line, so quiet that Kurt thought maybe the call had dropped and had to check to see that it hadn't.

"Dad?" he said quietly.

"Kurt, I'm leaving now and I'm gonna catch the first flight I can out there," his father answered after a minute, and Kurt could tell he was either crying or on the verge of it, which made Kurt himself want to cry even more. "Hold on, buddy, ok? Be strong. For both of us and for your brother, be strong. Ok?"

Kurt nodded, forgetting that he was on the phone and his dad couldn't see him. "Yes," he replied shakily. "Ok. I'll try. I just...dad, it's been forever and nobody has told me anything, and there...there was blood...what if he...what if..."

"Shhh, kid, don't think that way," his dad said, and Kurt could hear the sound of clothes hangers rustling together in the background as his dad was probably packing a bag. "Think positive. Carson's a fighter, he's not a quitter. He won't give up that easily, and neither should we. He's gonna make it, ok?"

"Ok," replied Kurt, taking several shaky breaths in an attempt to calm down. "Call me when you get a flight, ok?"

"I will," Burt promised. "I'm leaving now. Sit tight and wait for me, and tell...tell Carson I'm coming, ok?" he asked, his voice cracking and causing a lump to swell in Kurt's throat.

"I will, Dad," he promised, wiping his tears on his wet sleeve.

"I love you. I love you both," said Burt.

"I love you too," Kurt replied, hanging up the phone and slumping in his chair. Dad's coming, Carson. He's on his way, so you CAN'T die, because that wouldn't be fair if he didn't...didn't get to see you before. So you better fucking still be alive, do you hear me?

Minutes passed like hours, and Kurt lost track of time completely as he sat in his seat and stared straight ahead, right through everyone and everything in his line of vision. He only snapped back to reality when he heard Rachel's voice out in the hall, asking at the nurse's station where he was.

"I'm in here, Rachel," he called, relief flooding through him now that he knew he wasn't completely alone in this. Rachel appeared in the doorway and Kurt stood up as she set down the plastic shopping bag she was holding and wrapped him in a hug. Rachel wasn't usually the most comforting person in the world, but right now she was all Kurt had, so she may as well have been an angel of mercy.

"Do you know anything yet?" she asked after they had parted from their hug and sat down in neighboring chairs. He shook his head and sniffed.

"Nothing," he said despairingly. "They said they would come find me when they had him stabile, but...but..." he trailed off, waving his hand limply in the air to indicate that he'd heard absolutely nothing since Carson was whisked away from him. Rachel frowned and took his hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

"I'm sure everything will be ok," she said. "I mean, if he...um...well...if the situation were to have...they would have told you by now, right? No news is good news?"

Kurt pondered her words, realizing with relief that she was probably right. If Carson was dead, he would know about it by now. On the other hand, if Carson was awake, he also would have heard something by now, which could only mean one thing. That Carson was still unconscious, and that so far the doctors hadn't been able to help him. Kurt felt his face crumpling up and he quickly took a deep breath to stop himself from crying anymore. He was exhausted, and he didn't know if he had it in him anymore. He thought back to just twenty-four hours before, when he and Carson were both so happy and holding each other after making love for the first time (of many, Kurt hoped). And now he was sitting here in a dingy hospital waiting room waiting for someone to come out and tell him whether he still had a boyfriend and a brother, or if his world had ended. How the hell did everything always go so wrong for him?

"Oh god, Rachel, what if he dies?" he said quietly, voicing his worry out loud for the first time. "How am I...I mean, I know you two never got along, but he's so important to me. He's my big brother, you know? He's always been there for me and protected me and defended me, and I just...if he dies I won't know what to do. We've barely ever been apart our whole lives. We're so much a part of each other that I honestly don't know if I'm even capable of living without him, and...and..." he broke down as Rachel leaned over to hug him, patting his back reassuringly as he sobbed into her shoulder.

"It'll be ok, Kurt," she said soothingly. "He...he won't die. He'll be alright."

"But he could, Rachel," said Kurt. "I don't know what the lightning did to him. And there was...there was blood, and I..."

"Shhh," said Rachel. "Kurt, he'll be fine. I know he will. He's tough. He'll make it. The doctors are in there right now doing everything they can for him, and he's not going to give up so easily either."

"He really is a fighter, huh?" Kurt agreed, reaching up one hand to wipe his eye.

"Yep," said Rachel with a nod as they parted from their hug. "Besides, if he dies, who will make fun of my nose and call me Trollberry?" she added with a smile. Kurt couldn't help but snort.

"He does like that," Kurt said as Rachel reached up a hand to brush a stray piece of hair out of his eyes. "You're right. He'll...he'll be ok."

"Of course he will," she agreed, reaching for the plastic bag she had brought with her and opening it. "I, um...I brought you some shoes. The ones you usually go jogging in. And some clothes. Your jeans, and a shirt, and a hoodie I found on your bed because it's a little bit cold tonight..."

She kept talking, but Kurt wasn't listening, because the hoodie in the bag was one of Carson's. He must have forgotten to pack it before he stormed out of the apartment. His breath caught in his throat as he lifted it out of the bag gently, almost reverently, and held it in his hands, stroking the fabric softly as a lone tear trickled out of his eye.

"Oh...that's Carson's, isn't it?" said Rachel quietly, looking from Kurt to the hoodie and back again. "I'm sorry, Kurt, I just grabbed the first things I saw...I didn't mean..."

"It's ok," said Kurt in a choked up voice, carefully placing the hoodie back in the bag and taking the whole thing in his hand. "I...I'm going to go change out of these wet clothes. Will you stay here and come get me if they say anything about Carson?"

Rachel nodded. "Of course, Kurt. You go. I'll keep an eye out."

"Thank you," Kurt said with a sniff as he took the bag into the restroom and locked himself in a stall. He considered slumping against it and crying, but he didn't have any tears left, nor did he have the energy to cry. He simply removed the clean clothing from the bag and changed into it as quickly as possible, hesitating a moment before throwing the hoodie on and zipping it up. It smelled just like Carson, and Kurt wondered how many more times in his life he would smell that wonderful, comforting scent if he lost his twin tonight.

Stop it, Kurt. Stop it right now. He isn't going to die, so just STOP IT.

He placed his wet clothes in the bag and exited the bathroom, looking hopefully to Rachel as he re-entered the waiting room, but she just shook her head and shrugged. Still no word.

He sat back down in his seat beside Rachel, and the two of them waited. Kurt didn't keep track of the time, but he knew that hours were passing because on the rare occasion that he glanced at the large, round clock hanging on the wall, the hour hand was always in a drastically different place from the last time he looked. What is taking so long? he wondered miserably. How badly was he hurt? I need to know something soon or I swear I'm going to lose it. Carsey, baby, I know that we were never exactly awesome at the whole twin telepathy thing, but can...can you just give me a sign or something to let me know if you're ok? Please? I'm so worried about you, sweetheart, and this whole thing is my fault in the first place. Please?

He waited, but heard nothing except the drone of the television, which Rachel had turned on and switched to the news. The only thing that broke the monotony was a brief phone call from Burt, letting Kurt know that he had booked a flight out to New York and would be there as soon as he could. Kurt sighed as he hung up the phone and leaned his face in his hand, hoping that this whole nightmare would be over soon and then he could take Carson home and spoil him rotten. He was just about to doze off when someone entered the room. Kurt sat up straighter in his seat and looked hopefully at what he presumed to be a doctor, who was looking at him and Rachel curiously.

"Did one of you come in with Carson Hummel?" he asked. Kurt bolted up out of seat and crossed his arms around himself protectively as Rachel's head snapped away from the TV to look on with interest.

"Me," Kurt choked out, his heart hammering in his chest from the anticipation. "I'm his brother. Where is he? Is he ok? Oh god, is he alive?"

"I'm Dr. Banks," the man said, extending his hand for Kurt to shake. "I've been treating your brother since he was brought in. He's alive," he said, and Kurt breathed the hugest sigh of relief of his life. Oh Carsey, oh baby, you're alive, you made it, I knew you would...

"However," Dr. Banks continued before Kurt could say anything, "he is in very critical condition."

Kurt's heart stopped again and his breath hitched. "What...what do you mean, critical condition?" he asked, almost in a whisper. "Is he going to be ok?"

"Your brother was hit by a lightning bolt," said Dr. Banks, and Kurt nodded.

"I know," he said.

"The lightning caused some mostly superficial burns over much of his upper body, and his body temperature was dangerously high when he was brought in," Dr. Banks continued. "We induced therapeutic hypothermia, which means we packed his body in ice to bring his temperature down to a normal level. The strike also caused brief cardiac standstill, but he's stabilized for now. There won't be any way of knowing the extent of the damage caused by the lightning until he wakes up and can communicate with us."

"Wait, you mean he hasn't woken up yet?" asked Kurt, his heart sinking as Dr. Banks shook his head.

"That's the other thing," he said sympathetically as Kurt felt Rachel taking his hand in support. "Your brother has also suffered a rather significant head injury, I assume from being thrown back on the ground by the force of the lightning. For all intents and purposes, he's in a coma right now. We don't know when he will wake up..."

"But he will wake up, right?" asked Kurt in a panic. "I mean, he...he won't..."

"His head injury wasn't severe enough for death to be an immediate concern," assured Dr. Banks. "The likelihood of him waking up within a few days to a week is very high, but he will more than likely be facing some complications when he wakes up, from a combination of the head trauma and the injuries he sustained from the lightning."

"What kind of complications?" asked Kurt, his stomach twisting with dread as he awaited the answer.

"Hard to say at this point," said Dr. Banks. "As I said, we really won't know until he wakes up, but you should probably be prepared for him to experience mild amnesia, confusion, headaches, pain from the burns, that sort of thing."

Oh god, Carson, baby, I am so sorry I ever let you leave the apartment tonight. "Can I see him?" asked Kurt, somehow managing not to choke up and start crying again. Dr. Banks nodded.

"He's in a room in intensive care," he said as he led Kurt out of the room. "You can see him, but just keep in mind that he's not conscious. He may or may not be able to hear you, so you can still talk to him."

"I'll stay out here, Kurt," called Rachel, and Kurt nodded.

"If my dad comes, will you tell him where we are?" he called back, and she nodded. He turned his attention back to Dr. Banks and followed the man down the hall and into an elevator, where the doctor pressed the button for the fifth floor. It seemed like it took forever for the elevator to arrive at its destination, and Kurt was sure his heart was going to burst out of his body as he waited, so anxious was he to see Carson. Touch him, hold his hand, make sure he was still breathing and alive. He followed Dr. Banks out of the elevator and down the hall to a closed door, which the doctor opened and gestured for Kurt to enter. Kurt did, and let out a gasp when his eyes settled on the bed in the center of the room.

Carson was laying in it, looking so small and helpless in the midst of all the tubes and monitors he was hooked up to. His eyes were closed and sunken, his skin was as pale as Kurt had ever seen it, and there was a large white bandage adorning his head. He didn't look a thing like the vibrant, healthy Carson that Kurt was used to, and it scared him to see his twin like that.

"Go ahead and sit with him," said Dr. Banks gently, pointing to a chair near the bed. "Talk to him, touch him. Let him know you're here. He may be able to hear you. I'll let you have some privacy. Have one of the nurses find me if you have any questions." He patted Kurt on the shoulder and exited the room, softly closing the door behind him and leaving Kurt alone with Carson, who didn't react at all. Kurt swallowed and slowly approached the bed, wishing he could somehow magically make Carson open his eyes and look at him. He looked dead, and even though Kurt knew he wasn't, it was unnerving.

"Carsey," he whispered as he arrived next to the bed. He gingerly reached for Carson's hand and held it in his own, gently running his thumb across the knuckles and swallowing the lump that was rapidly growing in his throat. "Carsey, can you hear me? It's Kurtsie, honey. I...I'm here." Carson didn't react, and Kurt felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes again, even though he thought he had cried all the tears he had in him earlier that evening. Apparently, he had been wrong. He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat in it, taking Carson's hand back in his and gently stroking it as he gazed upon his twin's face. It was the worst thing he'd ever seen, Carson laying in a hospital bed like this, so unresponsive and lifeless. He wished with all his heart that it was him in that bed instead. He'd deserve it, for causing all of this in the first place.

"Carson," he said softly, stroking his hand and getting closer and closer to sobbing as he spoke. "Carson, I...baby, I'm so sorry. This was all my fault. I should have answered one of Blaine's calls earlier and told him it was over so that he wouldn't have shown up. I should have pushed him away sooner when he kissed me. I should have insisted that you listen to me explain what happened, and I should have stopped you from leaving. I should have done any of those things, and maybe if...if I had, then you wouldn't be here right now. God, Carson, I feel so guilty. I love you so much, and the last thing I ever wanted to see was you hurt like this." He wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of the hoodie he was wearing and sniffed.

"I wish it was me, Carson. I wish I could switch places with you, because I'd do it in a heartbeat if it meant saving you. You're my world, sweetheart. You've always been my world, and I just...Carson, I can't handle life without you. You have to wake up and get better, because I honestly don't think I have it in me to go on if I don't have you. You are so important to me. You...you're the love of my life," he said in a whisper. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Carson's lips, getting no reaction from his twin at all, and felt his heart sinking in disappointment.

"I'm sorry, Carsey," he whispered, positioning himself so that his head was resting on the side of Carson's pillow, next to his brother's head. He continued holding Carson's hand and lifted his free hand up to Carson's face, stroking it tenderly. "I love you. Please forgive me?" He let out a sigh and closed his eyes, not realizing until now just how exhausted he was. He let the rhythmic beeping of Carson's heart monitor lull him to sleep as he dreamed of the shared dreams and happy future that may or may not have been shattered forever in a matter of minutes.

Come back to me, Carsey.

Kurt slowly opened his eyes hours later, blinking as he took in his surroundings. At first, he had no idea where he was, just that it was dim and strange and definitely not home. His eyes landed on Carson, and he felt a dry hand in his own clammy one, and suddenly everything came rushing back. The lightning. The endless hours of waiting and worrying. He sat up and yawned, hoping that Carson would open his eyes and say something. Maybe "Morning, beautiful," or "How's my Kurtsie?" He didn't, of course. He lay there as motionless as ever, and Kurt felt a wave of sadness as he realized that he had no idea how long Carson was going to be in this state."Good morning, Carsey," he whispered, stroking his thumb across the skin of Carson's hand and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "I'm still here, baby. I'm not going anywhere, ok?"

"I was wondering when you'd wake up," said a familiar voice, and Kurt turned to see his father sitting in a second chair across the room. Burt looked like he'd had just as rough a night as Kurt had. His clothes were rumpled and his face was puffy, as though he'd been crying, which, Kurt reasoned, he probably had been.

"Dad?" said Kurt, sitting up but not letting go of Carson's hand. "How long have you been here?"

"About three hours," Burt replied. "They showed me to the room as soon as I got here. Saw your friend Rachel in the waiting room and told her to go home and get some sleep."

Kurt nodded. "Thanks. I forgot all about her."

"Anyway, I came in here, and..." Burt trailed off and cleared his throat, as though he were trying not to start crying again. "I saw you boys, and I just..." He took a deep breath and sighed. "Kurt, you have no idea how worried I was on the plane over here. Just the thought that I could lose one of you, I just...it scared me, kid. I tried to be positive with you over the phone, but I was scared to death that I was going to be too late. That he was gonna leave us."

"Yeah, well, I told him not to," said Kurt, trying to lighten the mood. "He usually does what I tell him." He gave his father a small smile, which Burt returned as he got up from his seat and crossed over to Kurt, wrapping him in a hug.

"That was how I knew he'd still be here when I got here," said Burt. "I knew the chances of him leaving you were slim to none."

"It hurts, Dad," said Kurt, trying not to cry again as he hugged him tight. "Seeing him like this. I just want him to wake up and for everything to be ok."

"So do I, buddy. So do I." Burt parted from the hug and turned his attention over to Carson, taking one of his hands while Kurt took the other. "Don't go anywhere, kid," he said softly to him. "The world's not done with you yet, and you've got a lot to do before you leave. I'm waiting patiently to see that first copy of the New Yorker with your name on it as editor."

"And I'm not done loving you yet," whispered Kurt, kissing Carson gently on the forehead. "And I never will be. Don't leave me, Carsey. Please." He thought he might have seen Carson's mouth twitch a little, but he decided it was probably just his imagination.

Kurt spent much of that day planted firmly by Carson's side, refusing to leave for almost any reason. He only left to go to the bathroom, and he only did that when it was extremely necessary. Otherwise, he stayed right in his seat by Carson's bedside, holding his hand and watching over him, occasionally whispering an "I love you" or a "Stay strong for me, Carsey" into his twin's ear, or kissing him on the cheek. He always hoped for some sign that Carson had heard him or felt him, but he never got one. It was both frustrating and heartbreaking. He wanted more than anything for Carson to sit up and say something. Anything. Even if it was to yell at him some more for that Blaine kiss. He just wanted to hear his voice again so badly.

"Kid, you should get out of this room for a little while," Burt said that afternoon, walking up to behind Kurt and placing his hands comfortingly on his shoulders. "Get some fresh air. Eat. Get some sleep."

"No, Dad!" Kurt protested vehemently, shocked that his father would even suggest such a thing. "I can't just leave. What if he wakes up for a minute and I'm not here? He'll be so scared, and I'll hate myself. I'm staying," he said stubbornly, and Burt sighed.

"He'll still be here when you get back, buddy. In the same state. You heard the doctors. He...he's not going to wake up any time soon," Burt said gently. "You shouldn't neglect yourself. It won't do Carson any good."

"I'm staying," Kurt insisted, squeezing Carson's hand and turning his attention back to him, checking for any signs of life since the last time he'd looked. There weren't any.

But there could be. Any minute now, there could be.

He must have dozed off again after Burt gave up trying to get him to take a break, because the next time he opened his eyes it was nighttime and there was a bag from McDonalds sitting on the small table beside him. He blinked and looked at it before his eyes wandered over to his dad, who was back in the room's other chair.

"Thought you might be hungry," said Burt, nodding toward the bag of food. "Should still be hot. And before you yell at me, I didn't get any of the junk for myself. I got salad." Kurt smiled a little and nodded, his stomach growling at the smell of the food. He was pretty damn hungry, and he knew that Carson would insist that he eat. He opened the bag and took out the burger, taking delicate bites and savoring each one while simultaneously feeling guilty that he was sitting here eating fast food when Carson couldn't. He knew that if Carson was awake, he would be sitting beside him, or possibly Kurt would be sitting in his lap, and they both would have identical burgers but Carson would give Kurt the pickles off of his, because Carson hated pickles and Kurt liked them. He didn't feel much like finishing as he felt his eyes welling up at the thought.

"I'll be back in a minute, ok?" said Burt, interrupting his thoughts. "I'm gonna call Carole and fill her in on what's happening."

"Ok," replied Kurt, not taking his eyes off of Carson as he set the rest of the burger back in the bag and took his twin's hand again. He wondered where Carson's mind was right now. If he was scared, or lonely. If he was looking for Kurt and couldn't find him.

I'm right here, baby. Right here. And I love you so much. You're going to wake up soon, and everything will be ok. I promise. He took the opportunity while nobody was in the room to place a soft kiss on Carson's lips, parting from it not a moment too soon, because a nurse entered the room right as he sat back in his seat.

"Evening," she greeted him, and Kurt gave her a small smile in reply as she bustled about checking on Carson and noting things down on his chart.

"When do you think he'll wake up?" Kurt asked her, and she gave him a sympathetic smile as she checked his heart monitor.

"Wish I could tell you, honey," she said, frowning as she looked at the monitor. She glanced at Carson, placing one hand on his chest and returning her attention to the monitor.

"Is something wrong?" asked Kurt, his stomach seizing up as he watched her press a button on the wall. The words "Code blue in room 501" was all he heard before he had a complete meltdown. He was pushed to the side, screaming and sobbing as a team of doctors and nurses started flooding into the room, surrounding Carson and calling out various instructions to each other that Kurt didn't understand and didn't want to.

"Carson!" he screamed, watching in utter panic as one of the doctors pulled out a defibrillator and prepared to use it. "Carson!" He felt hands on his shoulders and turned around to see that Burt had returned, his face pale and full of as much panic as Kurt felt.

"Daddy," Kurt sobbed as Burt held him close.

"What's going on?" he demanded "What's happening? What's happening to my son?"

"He's gone into cardiac arrest, sir," one of the doctors replied, and Kurt felt like throwing up as the doctor with the defibrillator approached Carson with the paddles. Carson, no! You can't do this to me, it was bad enough with you in a coma, don't do this...

"Clear!" someone called, and the defibrillator paddles were applied to Carson's chest, causing him to spasm. Kurt choked on a sob as nothing happened and the team used the defibrillator on him again. And again. And again.

"Clear!" they kept shouting, but still nothing happened. Kurt felt his dad's grip on him getting tighter with every passing second, and he felt like his entire world was melting away as he silently begged Carson to respond.

"Clear!" he heard one more time, and the defibrillator paddles were used again. And still nothing happened.

"Let's call it," he heard, and his stomach felt like a block of ice. "Time of death..."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kurt screamed, struggling against the hold his father had on him and trying to rush over to Carson. "No, let me go, let me go, fucking let me go! CARSON!" He felt like a caged animal. He had to get free. He had to go over to Carson and hold him and beg him to come back, because Carson would listen to him. He would. He finally managed to break free of Burt's grip and rushed over to Carson, pushing aside several doctors on his way and throwing himself over his twin's body.

"Carson, baby, no, please, no, you can't do this, you can't leave!" he sobbed. "We had so many plans, and you're too young and I'm sorry, I'm sorry about Blaine, I'm sorry about everything, just please don't leave me!" He buried his face in Carson's shoulder and sobbed. He wanted to just curl up and die.

"Kurt," he heard his father say in a choked up voice, and then another, unfamiliar voice, probably one of the doctors, said "Wait," and Kurt felt something moving underneath him. It took him a minute to figure out that it was Carson's chest rising and falling, and he quickly pulled away to look and make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He wasn't. Carson was still as unconscious as ever, but he was breathing. He was alive.

"Heartbeat has resumed," he heard someone say. "All clear." If he lived to be a thousand years old, he didn't think he ever could come up with the words to adequately describe how relieved he felt at that moment as he hugged Carson as well as he was able to through all the tubes and wires.

"Carson, oh my god, oh my baby," he chanted through his tears, peppering Carson's face with kisses. "Oh god, baby, don't scare me like that ever again, do you hear me?" A pair of hands gently pulled him up and directed him away from the bed, and he struggled momentarily before Burt crossed the room and took his hand.

"Come with me, buddy," he said hoarsely, and Kurt realized he must have been crying, too. "They're kicking us out for a minute while they work on him and run tests."

"Just for a little bit," a doctor reassured them, and Kurt reluctantly stood up, giving Carson's cheek a soft caress.

"I'll be back, Carsey, ok?" he said. "Please don't die while I'm gone." He allowed Burt to lead him out into the hall just outside Carson's door, where they both leaned against the wall and stood there in complete silence. Kurt imagined they were probably both thinking the same things. Well, maybe not entirely the same. Kurt was in shock, too shocked even to cry anymore. He was thinking about how close he had just come to losing his brother, his boyfriend, and...and his future husband. There would never be another man for him, nobody who could compare to Carson, or even try. He needed Carson to wake up, to get better and stronger so that they could live their lives together. A life without Carson wasn't a life he was interested in living. He heard a choking gasp coming from beside him and glanced over at Burt, who was standing with his head turned toward the ceiling, his eyes closed as he cried quietly.

"Dad?" he said, reaching for his hand and taking it gently.

"I'm alright, Kurt," Burt replied hoarsely. "I was just...I was just having a little conversation with your mom, wherever she is. Apologizing for not putting in more of an effort with Carson, no matter how much he pushed people away." Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the urge to cry again as he looked down at his shoes.

"No, dad," he said, shaking his head. "I should be the one feeling guilty. I...I promised Mom that I would take care of Carson, and look," he said, waving his hand around to indicate their surroundings. "I clearly failed him, and her."

Burt wrapped him in a tight hug then, and Kurt struggled not to sob as his own words sank in. "Kurt, no. This wasn't your fault, or my fault, or anyone's fault. Sometimes crap just happens to good people, but Carson is fighting. He is, and he'll beat this."

"I know," said Kurt, giving up the fight and letting the tears come. "I just want him back."

"So do I, kid."

Kurt absolutely refused to leave Carson's side again after he was finally allowed back in the room. He stayed there throughout the night, holding Carson's hand and singing him soft lullabies as he waited patiently for his brother to wake up. It didn't happen, but Kurt knew it would eventually. It had to, or he would break. He fell asleep again and only woke up the next morning when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. It was his boss, Isabelle.

"Hello?" he said quietly, even though he knew he could sing the full score of Wicked right now and Carson wouldn't wake up.

"Kurt?" said Isabelle on the other end of the line. "I was just calling to check on you because you didn't show up this morning and you didn't call. Are you ok?"

Crap. He'd forgotten to let work know he wouldn't be in today. "Actually, Isabelle, um...I'm not going to be in today," he said, clearing his throat and trying to make his voice sound less rough. "I'm at the hospital. It's my brother."

"Oh my god," said Isabelle. "Is he ok?"

"He's in pretty serious condition, actually," replied Kurt. "He's unconscious and they...they don't know when he'll wake up, and I just..."

"Honey, say no more," said Isabelle reassuringly. "You take all the time off you need. Stay with your brother and take care of him, ok?"

"Ok," Kurt said slowly, letting her words sink in. "I...I'll do that. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Kurt. Keep us posted, ok?"

"Ok." He hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket with a sigh, looking over at Carson and checking for any signs of consciousness. As usual, there were none.

"They're pretty understanding over at Vogue, huh?" said Burt from his corner. Kurt looked over and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess they are," he agreed, gently rubbing Carson's hand. "I don't suppose he woke up for five minutes overnight while I was asleep, did he?"

Burt shook his head. "Nope," he said quietly. "He will, though. I know he will."

Kurt nodded and kissed Carson's cheek. A young nurse entered the room and looked at them uncertainly.

"Um, Kurt Hummel?" she asked, and Kurt waved his hand at her.

"That's me," he said.

"Uh, there's a young man here to see you," she said. "He isn't family, so I'm not supposed to let him into the room, but he said he would wait for you. He's in the waiting room."

Kurt felt his stomach seizing up with suppressed anger as he realized who she was talking about. He has some nerve showing up here now, after all he's caused...fuck him, I don't want to see him...wait...yes...yes I do. I have a few things to say...

"Thank you," he said with as big a smile as he could fake. "I'll meet him out there in a minute." He patted Carson's hand gently and stood up. "I'll give him hell for you, Carsey," he whispered. To his dad he smiled and tried to look relatively normal.

"It's Blaine," he said, trying not to clench his teeth. "He was here this weekend before the...before this happened, and I guess he's come to check up on us. I'll only be a few minutes. Stay here, ok? I don't want Carson to be alone."

"Sure, kid," Burt agreed. "Say hi to Blaine for me, ok?"

"I will," said Kurt. I'll say a lot more than that, trust me. He left the room, closing the door softly behind him, and stalked off in the direction of the waiting room. The sight of Blaine sitting there filled him with righteous anger, and he had to hold himself back from punching him in the face right then and there.

"Kurt," Blaine said with a smile as he stood up, holding out a bouquet of flowers like a peace offering. "I, um...I heard about Carson," he said solemnly.

"How?" asked Kurt, the question suddenly occurring to him.

"What?"

"How did you hear?" Kurt repeated.

"Oh, well, um...uh...Rachel," replied Blaine, looking uncomfortable. "I came by your place again to apologize and she told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Kurt. Is he ok?"

"And you care because...?" asked Kurt bitterly, crossing his arms across his chest and glaring at him. "It's not like you and him are best buddies. In fact, I'm pretty sure neither of you can stand the other, so why don't you cut the bullshit and tell me why you're really here?"

Blaine frowned and toyed with the flowers in his hand. "I just...I came to apologize," he explained, fixing Kurt with the sad puppy dog look he always gave him when he wanted something. "I may have been a little, um...pushy..."

"Arrogant asshole is the term that comes to mind, actually," said Kurt dryly.

"Anyway," Blaine said with a wince, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you were so upset about the cheating, and...maybe you could give me one more chance? I know you're going through a hard time right now, but..."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kurt exclaimed, his emotions exploding in a fiery volcano of anger and resentment. He couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. "I'm sorry, do you have any idea what I'm going through right now? Do you? You have the steel fucking balls to come in here pretending that you give a shit about Carson, and then ask me to forgive you for what you did? You do not get to take advantage of my emotional state right now to give me that sad puppy shit. If I may direct your memory to just before prom, I was ready to be done with your ass then, and you begged me to give you a second chance. And I was stupid enough to give you one, and what did you do with it? Fucked somebody else at the first opportunity when you were the one who made sure I would be apart from you in the first place. Did you really think that I was going to fall back into your arms when you didn't even care enough about this relationship to keep your dick in your pants for two weeks? Guess what? It's not going to happen. I'm out of chances to give you. I'm done. If Carson were awake and conscious right now, he'd be telling you to shove that pathetic apology right up your ass, and since he can't say that, I'm going to. Just like I should have done in the first place."

Blaine listened to this speech silently, looking down at his feet and rolling his eyes toward the ceiling with a sigh. "Ok, ok, you're upset right now. I get it. But Kurt...Kurt, baby, we're soulmates. Don't you understand? Maybe I can come back later and..."

"Oh my GOD, Blaine!" Kurt screeched, and he knew that by now he probably had the attention of all the bored nurses in the hall. This was probably the most entertainment they'd seen all morning, and Kurt didn't even care. In fact, he preferred it if it embarrassed Blaine more. "Are you fucking dumb or do you have some kind of mental block I'm not aware of that causes you to completely lose touch with reality? You and I are done. Get out. Leave me alone. Don't call me, don't send me shit, don't show up at my apartment, and sure as hell don't show up at the hospital where the most important person in the world to me is fighting for his life. Just don't."

Blaine gave him a long, hard look and shook his head, tossing the bouquet of flowers on a nearby chair and sighing. "Whatever," he said. "If you change your mind, and you will, you know where to find me." He pushed past Kurt and stalked out of the waiting room. Kurt closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, trying to collect his thoughts. He felt kind of proud of himself right now. He knew that if Carson were awake, he would be proud, too.

"I did it, Carsey," he said to him in a whisper later that day, after Burt left to go take a shower and pick up some food. "I made sure that Blaine knows we're through. You would have been so proud of me, baby. If it wouldn't have gotten me arrested, I would have smacked him upside the head." He held Carson's hand and rubbed at his knuckles softly, wishing that his twin would squeeze his hand back. As usual, nothing happened. He sighed and kissed Carson softly on the lips. He missed him so much, and it hurt like hell. He wanted to hear his voice again. He wanted to feel his lips on his skin. Most of all, he wanted to curl up next to him and cuddle him and sleep like they always had. He bit his lip and looked at the bed, assessing the situation. He wondered if maybe he could lay with him. If anyone would mind. He decided that if he was super careful, there was just enough room next to Carson for him to curl up in.

Carefully, calculating every move he made so as not to disturb Carson in the slightest, Kurt slowly climbed onto the bed and settled himself in beside his twin, almost sobbing at how good it felt to be laying next to him again after so long. He made himself as small as he could and curled up into Carson's body, placing one hand over his twin's chest to feel his heartbeat. It was weak, but it was there.

"Carsey, I love you," he whispered, taking comfort in the faint thump thump he could feel under his fingers. "I can't wait for you to wake up. I'm going to take you home, and I'm going to spoil you so much that you're not even gonna know what to do with yourself. All the times you spoiled me and treated me like a prince are going to pale in comparison to the way I'm going to spoil you, trust me. And I'm never going to let you go again. We're going to grow old together and travel and live and love and...and...I don't know...just...everything, Carsey. We're going to do everything." He leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, sighing as he settled back and stroked his face gently. "You and I were made for each other, sweetheart. And I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you."

He snuggled a bit closer to Carson and sighed, letting the beeping of the various monitors, and the reassuring beating of Carson's heart under his hand, lull him to sleep.

Day after day went by, and Carson's condition remained more or less the same. There weren't any more scary incidents of cardiac arrest, but neither were there any signs that he would wake up any time soon. Finn and Mercedes called Kurt at different times to check up on Carson and see how Kurt was doing, and he badly wished that he had good news to share with them.

Before Kurt knew it, a whole week had passed, and still Carson remained unconscious. He didn't know how much more he could take. It was killing him inside to see Carson like this and not be able to do anything about it. More and more he was wishing that it had been him who was struck by lightning. He'd deserve it more than Carson, who had never done anything but love him and trust him. The doctors assured him and Burt that Carson would eventually wake, they just didn't know when. But the waiting was brutal, and Kurt wished he had a time machine to he could fast forward to the glorious day that Carson opened his eyes again. Or better yet, go back in time to prevent any of this from happening in the first place.

He left the room for only a few hours every couple of days to go shower at the apartment and change his clothes and keep Rachel updated on what was going on. He'd very nearly had a complete breakdown the last time he did this, because he had suddenly had the notion in his head to sit down with Carson's forgotten phone and go through it. He intended to listen to his voicemail greeting, but instead had ended up going through his internet history, choking back sobs as he saw that Carson had been Googling things like "Romantic date ideas" and "Apartments for rent, NYC." Carson had been happily trying to plan their future, and everything had gone so very, very wrong. He wondered, as he sat vigil alone at Carson's bedside one night and stared sadly at his twin's sleeping face, what their mother would have to say about this. He had thought about her off and on ever since the day Burt had brought her up, and he had been trying to squash the feeling in his gut that he had utterly failed her. After all, he and Carson had both promised her that they would take care of each other. Carson had done his best. Had Kurt?

I'm sorry, Mom, he thought sadly as he rubbed his thumb across Carson's hand. I promised I would look out for Carson, and I sucked at it. If I was a halfway decent brother, he wouldn't be laying in this bed right now, and we would be happy together. I'm sorry. I let you both down. He felt tears prickling his eyes and he didn't even bother to restrain them. He let them fall as he cried softly, and he was so caught up in his feelings that the twitch of Carson's hand in his own didn't register at first. Neither did he notice the slow fluttering of Carson's eyes as they opened and settled on him. He didn't notice either of those things. He didn't realize anything until he heard a small, weak voice breaking through the monotonous beeping and humming of the machines that filled the room.

"Kurtsie? Why are you crying, baby?"

He didn't know where the hell he was, but he didn't like it. It was small and dark, and more importantly, Kurt wasn't there, and that was enough to make him hate this place, wherever it was. He looked around for an exit, some way to escape, but there wasn't one. He was trapped in here.

"Kurt?" he called out, hoping that his twin would hear him and be able to save him from this stupid place. "Kurtsie?" He heard a noise behind him and turned around, hoping for Kurt but seeing a dark, hooded figure instead. The figure grabbed at his hand, and he struggled, trying to break free from its grip. It was stronger than him, though, and he was powerless to stop it as it led him down a seemingly neverending hallway (when had this place turned into a hallway? Had it always been one?).

"Let me go," he demanded. "Let me go NOW. I have to find Kurt. I'm not going anywhere with you until I find him...fuck, why is it so DARK?" He tried to yank his hand away and was unsuccessful.

"Let me go!" he repeated. "Please!"

"Let him go," said a voice, and Carson frowned as the hooded figure stopped and let go of his hand. That voice was so familiar.

"Mom?" he said, turning around and gasping as he saw his mother standing there, wearing the dress that had always been her favorite. The one with all the flowers on it. "Mom?"

"Hi, baby," she said with a smile, and Carson felt like crying. It had been so long since he'd heard her call him that. Or heard her voice at all.

"Mom, what's going on?" he asked. 'Where's Kurt?...KURT...he's going to want to see you...come on, let's go find him..."

His mother shook her head. "No, honey. Not now. It's not time for him to see me yet. And it's not time for you, either. You're going the wrong way." She smiled and took his hand, leading him in the opposite direction, and Carson could see a small sliver of light at this end of the hallway. "You're supposed to go that way. You're not done over there yet. Not for a long time." She squeezed his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. "Go on."

"But..." Carson protested, but she disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. He felt momentarily sad at losing her again, but did as she instructed and began walking in the right direction. The light grew larger the closer he came to it, and he could hear something...was that Kurt?...it sounded like Kurt...but he was crying...

He slowly opened his eyes, the long hallway in his mind slowly fading away and replaced with disorientation as he tried to make out where he was. He couldn't. All he could determine was that he wasn't in the hallway anymore and his mother was gone. And...and Kurt was there. He could feel him. He could feel his hand. And he could hear him. He was definitely crying.

"Kurtsie? Why are you crying, baby?"