During the day, Carson really enjoyed his new life in Chicago. It was, in some respects, everything he'd always dreamed of ever since he was a kid. For starters, he had his very own apartment, sort of. Obviously it still technically belonged to someone else, and some of that guy's stuff was still scattered around here and there, but still. For the next year, it was Carson's personal sanctuary, and as far as apartments went, it was pretty nice. It was clean and presentable and didn't seem to be harboring any roaches or mice, so that was a win. Granted, some of his surrounding neighbors were pretty obnoxious. Like the kids who lived in the apartment above him, who screamed and carried on every day between 3pm and 8pm as if they were being set on fire and being chased by a herd of wild elephants at the same time, judging by all the stomping. And whoever it was living below him, who enjoyed yelling at their television set whenever Jeopardy came on. And Mrs. Moore, the older woman next door, who was the very definition of a cougar and apparently thought he was hot, because she took every opportunity to shamelessly flirt with him. She was the most obnoxious, because Carson never knew how to gracefully remove himself from her presence whenever they happened to meet in the hallway.

But whatever. None of that mattered, because, hello. He had his own apartment. That alone made him feel like a real adult. And he didn't spend very much time in it, anyway, because he had found a job working most afternoons at a small, independent bookstore only several blocks from his building. He was wondering if his strong aversion to people and most social situations was just a Lima thing, because he found that he quite liked his co-workers and most of the store's regular customers. Then again, it also could have just been the shiny newness of living somewhere that wasn't an oppressive small town. It wasn't like he went out on the town with people all of a sudden or anything. Because his nights were reserved for sitting quietly by himself in his new bedroom, staring out the window and wondering what Kurt was doing right then. If he was maybe staring out his own window in New York and thinking about him. He hoped so. He liked to think they were looking at the sky at the same time.

The absence of Kurt was the one thing Carson absolutely hated about his new life. None of the positive things quite outweighed the fact that he missed him terribly. It felt so strange, after an entire lifetime spent with Kurt, to not have him nearby anymore. Sure, Carson had gotten a taste of that when Kurt was at Dalton, but that was different. Dalton was only two hours away, and they had seen each other every weekend. Now they were so much further apart, and they wouldn't be seeing each other very often at all. And the thought of his precious Kurt making his way in New York all by himself made Carson worry more than he ever had before. New York was a big place, full of many diverse people, and some of those people, Carson knew, would not have good intentions. He worried constantly that Kurt would get mugged, or attacked, or kidnapped and murdered. He knew he probably drove Kurt nuts with his constant phone calls and texts to check that he was alive, but it was the only way he knew to put his mind at ease.

"Carson, did anybody ever tell you that you worry entirely too much?" asked Kurt with a laugh one night as he answered Carson's eighth phone call of the day. It was Carson's day off, which meant he'd had nothing to occupy his mind all day other than worrying thoughts of all the horrible things that could be happening to his twin at any second.

"You've been known to say it on occasion," Carson quipped. "I just can't help it. My precious baby brother is all alone in New York City. Anything could happen to you. You don't even want to know all the horrible things I worry about when I have nothing to do."

"I'm a big boy, Carsey," replied Kurt. "I'm not completely helpless, you know. All I have to do is act like a complete crazy person when walking alone at night, and everyone leaves me alone."

"You walk alone at night?" asked Carson, horrified.

"Well, I have Rachel with me sometimes," said Kurt. "When she's not hanging out with her new man candy, that is."

"Oh, yeah, like she would be much better than a plastic knife as far as protection goes. And Christ, she works fast," Carson mused. "She's only been in New York for a few weeks and she's already starting relationship drama? Not that I care, but aren't her and Finn still sort of a thing?"

"I have no idea," replied Kurt in a bored voice. "Neither of us have heard from him since graduation, so."

"Anyway, the important thing is that I do not approve of you walking anywhere alone at night," said Carson, sitting up on his bed and pulling his knees up to his chin in order to hug them with one arm. "What if some psycho is laying in wait with a knife, looking for the perfect victim?"

"Carson, I promise, if that ever happened I would just shove Rachel at them and run," said Kurt, and Carson could hear the amused smile on his twin's face on the other end.

"See that you do," said Carson seriously.

"Crazy knife wielding psychos could just as easily be laying in wait during the day," said Kurt after a beat of silence.

"Kurt!"

"Sorry," said Kurt. "I'm just saying."

"Well, don't! I don't want to have to worry about you any more than I already do," Carson whined.

"Aaaw, Carsey, I'm sorry," soothed Kurt. "So, what's new with you since the last time you called?"

"Nothing, Kurt. That was only two hours ago," replied Carson. "What about you?"

"Funny you should ask," replied Kurt, in the adorable "I know something you don't know" voice he always used when he was teasing.

"Oh?" asked Carson, intrigued. "Do I detect that Kurtsie has news?"

"Well, sort of. Maybe. I don't know yet, exactly," said Kurt. "To make a long story short, I may or may not have an interview for an internship tomorrow."

Carson sat up straighter and smiled into the phone. "An internship? Kurt, that's great! Where at?"

"Vogue," answered Kurt. "But don't get too excited or anything. I emailed them a portfolio of some of my better outfits over the years. They probably won't take me, though."

"Kurt, are you insane? Of course they'll take you!" exclaimed Carson. "Nobody knows fashion better than you, baby. And you've been reading Vogue since you were able to reach Mom's copies on the coffee table and look through the pictures. You were born for this."

"That's true," agreed Kurt. "Still, though. I don't want to get my hopes up."

"I'll get mine up enough for both of us, then," said Carson. "Kurt, this is exciting! I want you to call me as soon as you can after your interview and tell me everything!"

Kurt laughed. "Ok, ok. I will. I promise."

"I mean it. I really want to know."

"Ok, Carsey," Kurt assured him. "Calling you will be the first thing I do when I'm finished. I promise. Now, I'm going to hang up so I can shower and do my face. I'll call you before I go to sleep, ok?"

"Ok," agreed Carson. "Later."

"Later."

Carson hung up his phone and settled back on his bed, grinning like a complete idiot. He had no doubt Kurt would get that internship. He wasn't in Lima anymore. He was in New York, and New York wasn't nearly as full of small-minded idiots as their hometown was. They knew talent and brilliance when they saw it. And clearly Vogue had liked what they saw if they had even contacted Kurt for an interview in the first place.

You'll get it, baby. You'll get it, and I'm going to be so very proud of you. And everybody is going to know it.

He took the opportunity while Kurt was busy to take his own shower and put on his pajama pants. He adjusted the photo frame Kurt had given him for Christmas so that it faced the side of the bed he slept on, and then he retrieved Kurt's scarf from its storage space inside the pillowcase, spreading it on top of the pillow that he hugged every night. He had just settled into bed with the pillow in front of him when his phone rang.

"Hi, Kurtsie," he said as he answered, not even bothering to check the caller I.D.

"You're in bed already, aren't you?" asked Kurt. Carson nodded, then remembered that Kurt couldn't see him.

"Yes," he replied. "With my hugging pillow and your scarf. It's a poor substitute for you, but at least it smells like you."

"Aaaw, Carsey," said Kurt. "I miss you, too. I have my pillow with your hoodie and Carson Bear. I'm going to give him a hug now, ok?"

"Ok," said Carson. He was beginning to think he really could feel those hugs that Kurt gave the bear, because he felt a warm, comforting sensation deep in his stomach. He could just picture Kurt, in his pajamas, probably still on his own side of the bed even though he had no one to share it with now, squeezing the teddy bear to his chest with his eyes shut. The thought made Carson's heart ache with longing and homesickness.

"Feel that?" asked Kurt quietly. Carson nodded, again forgetting that his twin couldn't see him.

"Yeah," he replied, not bothering to stop the few tears that leaked out of his eyes, but at least trying to keep his voice steady. "I wish I could hug you for real, though."

"I know," said Kurt. "This is...this is really hard to deal with."

There was silence for a minute, and then Carson cleared his throat, trying to sound upbeat.

"So," he said. "Tomorrow. Call me after your interview. Don't forget."

Kurt laughed. "I won't, Carsey. Um...Carson?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you stay on the line until I fall asleep? It's just...Rachel is out with Brody, and this place is really big. And empty," Kurt said in a small voice.

"Of course, Kurtsie," replied Carson, feeling awful for him and wishing he was there in New York to hug Kurt close and make him feel protected and safe. "You try to go to sleep, sweetheart. I'll be right here."

"Ok," said Kurt with a sigh. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," replied Carson, settling his phone and its charger on top of his makeshift Kurt pillow and hugging the pillow to himself, breathing in the scent emanating from the scarf and letting it envelop his senses. "So much."

"I know," said Kurt.

"What time is your interview?" asked Carson.

"Ten."

"And you have to take the subway?"

"You know I do, Carson."

"I don't like you taking the subway," Carson said. "Do you know how many murderers, rapists, and thieves take the subway? Like, at least a hundred. Per hour."

"Carson, come on. You're not making me feel any better about being alone in this empty apartment," said Kurt. "Besides, it's not like I've never taken it before. And I'm still breathing."

"Well, I still don't like it. I worry," answered Carson with a yawn.

"I know you do. But I promise you, I will still be alive this time tomorrow," assured Kurt. "Now, I'm going to try to sleep. I need beauty rest if I have any prayer in the universe of impressing Vogue."

"Ok, baby. Go to sleep."

"Good night, Carsey."

"Good night." Carson heard rustling as Kurt settled into position and he wished for the millionth time that he was there to hold him. It felt so unnatural, being so far apart for such a long time. He blew a kiss into the phone and hugged his Kurt pillow again, eventually drifting off to sleep with visions of Kurt on a magazine cover flitting through his brain.

He woke up late the next morning and had to very quickly eat and get himself dressed and ready before heading out the door to go to work.

"Morning, handsome," said Mrs. Moore, stepping outside her apartment as if she had some kind of radar for when Carson was coming out of his.

"Uuuh...um...yeah...morning," Carson mumbled, quickly bypassing her and scurrying into the elevator. He'd have to remember to start leaving the apartment with headphones on or something so he could avoid awkward run-ins. He stepped off the elevator onto the first floor and headed outside, hoping he wasn't going to be too late for work. He was still half a block away from the store when his phone rang, Kurt's smiling face filling the screen.

"Kurtsie!" Carson exclaimed, eagerly answering it. He'd almost forgotten all about Kurt's interview with Vogue and felt like the world's worst brother. "Is the interview over? How did it go? They loved you, right?"

"I got it, Carsey!" Kurt squealed in excitement. "I got it! I freaking got it!"

"No!" Carson shrieked, not caring that he was in the middle of the street and that people were stopping to stare at him. "You did? You got it?"

"Yes!" said Kurt.

"Oh my god!"

"I know, I can't believe it!" Kurt squealed.

"I want details, Kurtsie," said Carson.

"Isabelle Wright interviewed me, Carsey. Isabelle Wright," said Kurt breathlessly.

"Awesome!" replied Carson, even though he had no idea who Isabelle Wright was. He figured she must be important, though, considering how excited Kurt was about meeting with her.

"She's the editor of the website, Carson," said Kurt, as though he could read Carson's mind. "And only one of my idols."

"That's great, Kurtsie! And she liked your portfolio?"

"She said she was impressed. She was impressed! I wasn't expecting her to be impressed! I mean, yeah, I knew my fashion choices over the years were very forward and bold, but...I mean, this was...you have no idea how excited I was, Carsey. And then I just started talking about how much fashion means to me, and she seemed to really like me, and long story short, I am Vogue's newest intern!"

"Kurtsie, I'm so proud of you!" said Carson, grinning from ear to ear. "I knew it! I fucking knew you would get it! I knew it wouldn't be like Lima where nobody appreciated you. That Isabelle chick is smart, and Vogue is lucky to have you."

"Thanks, Carsey," said Kurt shyly, and Carson could tell he was probably blushing on the other end of the line. "Hey, I'll call you back later, ok? I want to call Dad and tell him."

"Ok," agreed Carson. "I have to go to work now, anyway, but I'll talk to you later. And...Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. And I'm proud to be your big brother," said Carson as he reached the door of the book shop. His heart really did feel like it was swelling with pride.

"Thank you, Carsey. I love you, too," replied Kurt.

"Talk to you later."

"Later."

Carson shoved his phone in his pocket and threw open the door of the shop, practically sprinting inside. "My baby brother just got an internship at Vogue!" he shouted in excitement to the shop in general, not noticing that there was nobody in it at the moment except for his co-worker, a college student named Gloria, who gave him an odd look.

"Um...that's great?" she said, giving him a small smile.

"Great? It's fantastic!" Carson said, unable to remove the grin from his face. "He got interviewed by Isabelle Wright."

"Who?" asked Gloria.

"No idea," replied Carson. "But she's a big shot and she loved Kurt, and now he's got something he really wanted and I'm so proud of him, you have no idea!" He gave Gloria an aggressive hug and squealed once more, not even caring that he was probably scaring the crap out of her. He just really felt the need to share the pride he felt for Kurt.

"Awesome," she replied, prying Carson off of her and stepping several paces away. "Why don't you stay over there, though." Carson barely heard her. He was too busy trying to send all the happy, positive vibes he could Kurt's way, hoping his twin could feel them where he was.

I've never been prouder to be your brother, Kurtsie. Never.

If someone had told Kurt at the beginning of the year that by the summer he would be living in New York City, interning at his favorite magazine ever under the supervision of Isabelle Wright, of all people, he probably would have said they were completely insane. He probably still would have said this as recently as a month ago, actually. Who would have thought that something like this would ever happen to Kurt Hummel? And yet, here he was, living a life he had never actually intended to live, and loving every single minute of it. Well, not every minute. He missed Carson so much it actually physically hurt sometimes, especially at night when he had to settle for a pillow and his teddy bear as substitutes for Carson's protective arms around him. They weren't even close to the same. And with Rachel usually out with her new friend Brody, he was often left all alone in their dark, sparse apartment at night, wishing he had Carson to snuggle up with. But aside from the Carson-shaped hole in his life, Kurt truly was loving New York. It was incredibly surreal, because things hardly ever went right for him, and he still couldn't believe this was his life now. It even took some of the sting out of not getting NYADA. Some of the sting. Not all. Not by a long shot. It did still kind of hurt when he had to watch Rachel researching what classes she was going to be taking come the fall.

It's ok, though, Kurt, come on. You're interning at Vogue! Not only that, but they're using one of YOUR ideas to promote their new line! That's huge for you! And you'll reapply to NYADA in the spring. You at least owe Blaine for helping you make this decision. If it weren't for him, you wouldn't be living this life at all right now.

Speaking of Blaine, Kurt hadn't really had the time lately to really talk to him much, and he felt really guilty about it, especially in light of his promise before graduation that they would keep in contact every day once Kurt had left. It wasn't that Kurt was intentionally trying to ignore him. He was just so busy all the time now with everything that he had to do for his new job, he barely had enough time left in his day to talk to Carson. At least Carson seemed to completely understand why Kurt had to cut back on the number of phone calls they had with each other daily.

"Of course, Kurtsie," he'd said one afternoon as Kurt profusely apologized that he had to cut their phone call short. "You're a busy guy now, hob-knobbing with all those Vogue power players and lighting up the city with your unsurpassed awesomeness."

Kurt snorted. "You're exaggerating just a little bit there, Carsey. I'm not that important."

"Yet," added Carson. "Anyway, of course I understand that you're busy, honey. Don't worry about it. You focus on kicking ass at that website, ok?"

"Ok," agreed Kurt, sighing as his office phone lit up with more calls that were waiting to be answered. "Bye. Love you."

"Love you," replied Carson as Kurt hung up.

Kurt tried to make the time to keep in touch with Blaine via phone calls and Skype conversations, but he really was having a hard time juggling his new responsibilities with maintaining his relationships. Despite his best efforts, sometimes those conversations were interrupted or unable to be as long as Kurt would have liked. Unfortunately, there was no magic solution for that. He had to take his job seriously, and Carson understood. Kurt hoped that Blaine did, as well, but he got the feeling that he didn't. Not exactly. Kurt felt a surge of guilt when he thought back to the last time he and Blaine had spoken on the phone, when he had tried to make time to call Blaine during a particularly busy day at Vogue.

"I really miss you," Blaine had said in his lost puppy dog voice that always made Kurt feel terrible. "A lot, ok? I miss talking to you, and I miss hugging you, and I miss messing around with you."

"Me too," Kurt replied, getting the distinct feeling that the "messing around" part was what Blaine probably missed the most, if he had to guess. "But you're coming in two weeks, right?" he asked, referring to their last Skype conversation, during which Blaine had suggested that he could come to New York for a visit sometime soon and Kurt had somewhat reluctantly agreed (although he thought it would probably be best if Carson didn't find out about that).

"I know, but...what am I supposed to do until then?" asked Blaine. "Just hold my breath?"

Unfortunately, Kurt had had no choice but to cut the conversation short, as he was extremely tied up with work and it just was not a good time. He brushed aside the brief feeling of guilt by telling himself that he would make it up to Blaine when he came to visit.

He had in no way expected that visit to happen just several days after that phone call, but lo and behold, it had. Things were already awkward in the apartment because Finn had showed up unexpectedly (interrupting a private picnic between Rachel and Brody, apparently). Kurt had been tip-toeing around them and their tension for two days, spending a lot of his free time in the park watching drug deals happen in order to give them some privacy (and he didn't even want to think about what Carson would have to say about him doing that...probably something along the lines of "You do WHAT? Do you have any idea how many terrible things could happen to you? I want you to promise me you won't do that anymore.")

The three of them had been preparing to go out to a local piano bar one night when there had been a knock at the door and Kurt had opened it to see a huge bouquet of red roses, behind which stood Blaine. The flowers and Blaine's odd expression, an odd mixture of happy and sad, not to mention the slight foreboding feeling in Kurt's stomach, should probably have been his first clue that this was going to be a very tumultuous night.

Now, Kurt was sitting at a table in that piano bar, watching Blaine get up on the stage and sit behind the piano, and something about the way Blaine was carrying himself and acting in general was just not sitting right with him. He looked nervous, like he'd really rather not be there right now.

Why does he look so sad? Kurt wondered, the foreboding feeling from earlier in the apartment returning with a vengeance. What's wrong with him? I hope he's ok.

Blaine took a breath and leaned into the microphone on the piano. "I, um...I want to sing a song that's very special to me," he said as he began to play a soft melody. "This is the song that I sang the first time I ever met the love of my life. So, Kurt, this is for you."

He began to sing a very slow, very emotionally intense version of "Teenage Dream," and while Kurt was touched, he also couldn't help but feel extremely confused. Blaine just did not look happy or comfortable. He looked sad, sadder than Kurt had ever seen him look, and then, to Kurt's horror, he started crying in the middle of the song.

Why is he crying? Especially singing that song. That one is one of his favorites. Kurt tried push aside his suspicions, but they were getting pretty hard to ignore. "Teenage Dream" had been the song that began their relationship, such as it was at the time. And now Blaine was singing it in such a melancholy way. Kurt somehow knew, even before Blaine had finished singing, that this was the beginning of the end. It had to be.

And truthfully, if Blaine had decided that he wanted to end things, then Kurt could live with that. He would be free now. He just really wished Blaine wouldn't look so sad about it. Kurt hated sadness in general.

"I really missed you," said Blaine by way of an explanation for "Teenage Dream" as he and Kurt took a walk in the park after leaving the bar.

"I missed you too," said Kurt carefully, giving him a small smile. "And I'm really glad that you're here, but you've been so emotional and weirdly sad," he continued, trying to catch Blaine's eye. His boyfriend was refusing to make direct eye contact, and it was making Kurt uneasy. "Please stop pretending that there's nothing wrong."

Blaine stopped walking and turned to look at Kurt, his face growing from slightly nervous to extremely nervous. Kurt braced himself for Blaine to say something along the lines of "I think we should break up." That much he was prepared for. What Blaine actually said, however, was much worse and more painful to hear than he had been expecting.

"I was with someone," Blaine blurted out, looking Kurt in the eye at last.

Kurt very nearly forgot he was outdoors, because it suddenly felt like he was in an airtight room with no oxygen. Surely he had misheard. Blaine hadn't really just said that, had he?

Unfortunately, the look on Blaine's face confirmed that yes, he had. A million thoughts rushed through Kurt's mind in a matter of seconds as he processed the news.

He was with someone. He was WITH someone. HE WAS WITH SOMEONE. What the hell does he mean, he was "with someone?" Why? Why would he do that to me? He begged me to stay with him and not abandon him, and then he...he...someone else...I...and after I gave up so much for him...my virginity...Carson...CARSON...

"It was Sebastian, wasn't it?" were the first words out of his mouth once he had gathered up the necessary brain cells to even speak at all.

"No," said Blaine tearfully. "It wasn't Sebastian, but it...it didn't mean anything. It was just a hookup, ok?"

Didn't MEAN anything? Just a hookup? Is that supposed to make me feel better about this, Blaine? Because it's not. In fact, it's making me feel worse that you did this for nothing. I've only been gone a few weeks, how the hell does this happen?

Didn't you love me enough to resist?

"Then who was it?" Kurt demanded, tears spilling down his face as he stared at Blaine in disbelief.

"It doesn't matter who it was with, Kurt," replied Blaine, shaking his head. "What matters is that I was by myself. I needed you. I needed you around and you weren't there!"

Because you TOLD me to come here, Blaine! I was going to go to Chicago, and we could have been seeing each other on weekends, but you told me to go to New York...I was going to go to Chicago...Chicago...Carson...all this time, it could have been Carson...I was such an idiot...

"I was lonely," Blaine continued through his tears. "I'm really sorry."

"And you don't think that I've been lonely?" Kurt snapped as he choked back sobs, knowing full well in his heart that he wasn't talking about him and Blaine. "You don't think that I've had temptations? But I..I didn't act on it, because I knew what it meant! It meant something horrible and awful, and..." he trailed off as his tears overtook him. He thought about how much he had given up for Blaine's sake, feeling that he was doing the right thing by staying with him, even though his heart was screaming Carson's name so loudly it was keeping him up at night. And even worse, he thought about that beautiful speech Carson had given him when he thought Kurt couldn't hear. How he had wanted to turn right around and say "Yes, yes, Carson, I love you too, baby, I love you so much." How he had resisted because in the back of his mind was a constant stream of "But what about Blaine?" How he had been breaking Carson's heart this whole time. That was the worst thing of all. Kurt felt like the world's biggest fool, and it hurt.

"I'm really sorry, Kurt," Blaine repeated. "I really am." Kurt could only sob in reply as he felt his life crashing down around him.

Sorry isn't going to fix this. NOTHING is going to fix this.

It was a very long, awkward, and miserable night for Kurt following Blaine's confession. Despite the fact that he barely even wanted to look at him, he had allowed Blaine to spend the night in the apartment. In Kurt's bed, no less. He may have been angry and devastated, but he couldn't quite bring himself to make Blaine get a hotel room and spend the night alone in a strange city. From what he could gather, Finn and Rachel hadn't had the best night of their relationship, either.

He had spent a significant portion of the night laying awake, staring at the ceiling while Blaine slept and trying to figure out why the hell his boyfriend would do this to him. Not three months ago, he had been crying and begging Kurt not to break up with him. "You're the love of my life," he'd said. "You can't abandon me," he'd said. "I'd die before I let anyone else have you," he'd fucking said. And Kurt had fallen for it. Like a complete moron, he'd fallen for it. He had ignored the way Blaine had been treating him. He had put aside his overwhelming desire to be with Carson, and he had stayed with Blaine.

And yet, it seemed, Blaine himself had been unable to last a couple of weeks without Kurt around before sleeping with somebody else. Why? Why would he have done that? Kurt had respected him enough to resist cheating, even though he'd certainly been tempted and had more than a few close calls. But he'd never done it. Not really. Had he really meant so little to Blaine all this time that the other boy would sleep with another guy at the first opportunity?

I guess so, Kurt thought sadly as he remembered the fact that Blaine had been communicating with Sebastian behind his back for god knew how long. I guess he never really did love me enough. He eventually fell asleep, feeling foolish and used.

Blaine must have snuck out early to catch a flight back to Lima, because he was gone when Kurt woke up. The only evidence that he had ever been there at all was the bouquet of red roses sitting on Kurt's dresser, like a colorful, stark reminder that'd been betrayed. He slowly got up out of bed, glaring at the flowers as he took the whole bunch into his hand and threw them, vase and all, as hard as he could against the wall. They hit the concrete with a shattering of glass, spilling water and crushed roses all over the bedroom floor. Kurt didn't even care. He slumped to the floor, leaning against the dresser as he pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. He wanted to cry, but he wasn't quite able to come up with the strength to even do that. More than anything, he really wanted Carson right now. He wanted to look into his eyes and apologize from the bottom of his soul for being such an idiot and breaking his heart. He wanted to be wrapped up in Carson's arms and feel unconditionally loved as his twin hugged him close and told him everything was going to be ok. But Carson wasn't here. Carson was very, very far away and Kurt was alone. And he deserved to be alone.

He didn't know how long he sat there hating himself. He didn't really care, since he didn't have to go to work. He heard Rachel moving around the apartment for a while before shutting herself up into her own section of bedroom, pulling her privacy curtain closed and flopping down onto her bed with a squeaking of mattress springs. He assumed Finn had also skipped town, then.

Carson, he thought miserably as he banged his head against the dresser. Carsey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have just...I...it should have been you. It always should have been you.

The ringing of his phone interrupted his thoughts. He crawled over to the nightstand and picked it up, his heart hammering in his chest as Carson's face filled the screen. Oh god...ok...try to play it cool, Kurt. You can't let him know what's happening, or that you're suffering. It will only worry him, and you've done enough damage to him already to last several lifetimes, so just...just be cool.

"Hello?" he said as he answered the call, trying to keep the shaking out of his voice and sound like nothing was wrong.

"Hey, Kurtsie. I haven't heard from you all day, and I'm on my break at work, so I thought I'd try to call. Is this a good time? Are you busy?"

So much for playing it cool. The sound of Carson's voice, so warm and welcoming and indicative of love and home, pierced straight through Kurt's heart, and he felt his resolve to stay strong crumbling like a pile of bricks.

"It's...I'm not busy," he replied in a croaky voice, squeezing his eyes shut and ordering himself not to start crying. The brief silence on the other end of the line told him that Carson had picked up on the fact that something was wrong.

"Kurtsie?" he asked, his voice full of concern. "Are you ok? Is everything alright?"

And there went the last of Kurt's willpower. He wasn't able to hold back his emotions anymore, and he felt the tears start trickling out of his eyes as he sniffed and shook his head, forgetting that he was on the phone and Carson wasn't able to see him.

"Kurt? Are...are you crying?" asked Carson, alarmed. "Kurt? Kurtsie?"

Kurt took a deep, shuddering breath and shook his head again as he started to cry harder. "No...I mean, yes, I...I'm not ok, Carsey."

"Oh god, Kurt, what's wrong?" asked Carson, panic in his voice now. "Are you ok? Are you hurt? Oh fuck, did you...did someone hurt you? Talk to me, Kurt."

Kurt sniffed and gripped the phone tight in his hand. "No, it's not that, I just...I...it's B-blaine. He was here last...last night."

"Oh my god, what the fuck was he doing there?" exclaimed Carson. "I swear to fuck if he laid one hand on you, I will go home right the hell now and kick his ass, because I am so fed up with this bullshit."

"No, Carson, he didn't, he just...he...he..." Kurt stammered, worried about Carson's reaction now that he was so close to telling him. He didn't want Carson wasting his time worrying about him. It wouldn't be fair to him. But he also really wanted someone to comfort him right now.

"Kurt, please. You're scaring me now," pleaded Carson. "Please, baby. Talk to me, ok? What did Benson do to you?"

"He cheated on me," Kurt said in an almost-whisper, breathing a sigh of relief as the words left his mouth, even though they stung and made this all the more real.

"What?" asked Carson. "I couldn't hear you, baby."

"He cheated on me," Kurt repeated, louder this time. "He came here to tell me that he cheated on me."

There was a nasty silence on Carson's end of the line for several beats before his twin spoke again. "I'm going to fucking kill him. Is he still there?" he asked in a low, dangerous voice.

"No," replied Kurt with a sniff.

"Who the fuck...who was it? Who the hell was he fucking at the first opportunity? I swear to fuck, if it was Sebastian..."

"He said it wasn't him," said Kurt in a small, shaky voice, starting to regret telling Carson now. It was only going to make his twin angry. "I don't know who it was, I just...I don't want to think about it. I just...I can't...I can't handle this, Carsey. I..." He felt himself start to sob, and he desperately tried to keep himself under control. He didn't need Carson to hear just how badly shaken he was.

"Of course not, sweetheart," said Carson in a softer voice. "Of course. Where are you? Are you home?"

Kurt nodded. "Yes."

"I'm coming over."

Kurt blinked in surprise. "Carson, what...you're in Chicago...no, don't do that. You don't...no."

"Kurt, I don't want to hear it. I'm coming over. I'll be on the first available flight. I can be there by tonight," said Carson determinedly.

"Carson, please don't. You can't afford that," Kurt protested. "I'll be fine. Really."

"Kurt, I have to. I love you, and you're hurting. And it hurts me to not be there to comfort you. I can afford the flight, baby, ok? You don't think I've been saving money since junior year just to be able to come visit you whenever I want?" asked Carson. "You need me. I'm coming over."

Kurt sighed, not wanting to admit just what a relief it was to know that he would soon be able to hug Carson close. He missed him so much. "Ok," he replied. He knew it was useless to argue any more with him, anyway.

"Just hold on, Kurtsie. I'll be there soon."

They ended the call, and Kurt climbed onto his bed, burying his face in the pillow adorned with Carson's hoodie and sighing, not even bothering to clean up the smashed vase from the bedroom floor. He felt bad for dumping his problems off on Carson like this, but he couldn't help but feel a little relieved that his twin was on his way. That he would make everything better just by virtue of being there. Being there would be more than enough.

Just hang on for a little while, Kurt. Home is coming to you.

Carson had wasted absolutely no time after he hung up with Kurt. He felt like he was on autopilot. The idea of dropping everything and rushing to New York to be with Kurt didn't feel at all strange or rash. It was just what he felt he needed to do. Kurt was his twin, the love of his life, and his soulmate, even if Carson was the only one who felt that way. And he was hurting. He needed Carson, and Carson needed to be there for him. He wished he could say he was surprised that it had finally come to Blaine cheating, but honestly, he really wasn't. He'd always strongly suspected that Blaine was exactly the type of person who would come down with a raging case of Wandering Dick the second Kurt's back was turned, what with his previous dabbling into illicit instant messaging with Sebastian. Carson just hadn't thought it would only take two fucking weeks for it to happen.

Lot of fucking respect you have for your boyfriend, there, Benji, he thought angrily as he shoved his phone into his pocket and clocked out. Kurt's been nothing but sweet and wonderful and loyal to your ungrateful ass, and you repay him by going out and fucking somebody else almost literally the second he isn't there? Fuck you, you asshole.

He marched out into the main area of the store, giving an apologetic glance to Gloria as he passed her.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "Your shift isn't over for four more hours!"

"Family emergency," replied Carson. "I'm sorry."

"But-" she protested, but he was already halfway out the door.

"I'm sorry," he repeated before he practically started running down the street toward his apartment building. He knew this would probably cost him his job, but he didn't really care at the moment. Not when Kurt needed him. He could get another job later.

He quickly packed a bag full of some basic clothes and necessities, gathering up his wallet and making sure everything in the apartment was turned off before he hurried out and locked the door behind him, not bothering to address Mrs. Moore's shout of "Hey, hot stuff!" as he flew past her. Seriously, how the fuck does she always know when I'm leaving the apartment? It's creepy as hell. He caught the first cab he saw, and two hours later he was boarding a plane to New York.

Hold on, Kurtsie. I'm coming, baby. I never should have left you at all.

It wasn't a very long flight at all, but it felt like it took forever because Carson was in such a hurry to just land already and be on his way to Kurt. He wished there was some magical way of just beaming himself there as fast as possible. Right after he beamed himself to Lima and beat the everloving fuck out of Blaine. He wouldn't show that boy any mercy now. None. He was done playing nice. Nobody broke his baby brother's heart and got away with it, least of all him.

The next time I see you, Bonham, you are going to be meeting the business end of my fist. On your dick, and then everywhere else. I'm so fucking finished with you, you have no idea.

At long last, his plane finally landed and he was navigating his way to Kurt and Rachel's apartment, more than a little bit horrified at the Bushwick neighborhood he finally located the building in. It was definitely a rough area, and his heart skipped several beats at the realization that Kurt walked those streets several times a day by himself, and at least one of those times was in the dark. He tried not to think about all the horrible, awful, and potentially fatal things that could have happened to Kurt by now as he entered the building and made his way up to Kurt's place. There wasn't an actual door to knock on, but he knocked anyway.

"Kurt?" he called as he knocked. "Kurtsie?"

"Carson?" he heard Kurt's voice say from behind the door, and Carson's whole body flooded with emotion at the sound. Only that weird wall door thing separated him from Kurt, and he needed to see him as soon as possible.

"Yes, baby. It's me." He heard footsteps and then the wall rattled as the door opened and there stood Kurt, looking like...well, like he'd had a rough night and day. He didn't really have time to assess Kurt's appearance much beyond that, though, because Kurt launched himself at him right then, and Carson was suddenly holding a shaking, sobbing mess of a person in his arms.

"Kurt...Kurtsie...shhh, it's ok," he soothed, dropping his bag and rubbing gently at Kurt's back as Kurt buried his face in his shoulder and just let go with a flood of tears. "I'm here, honey. I've got you. I've got you now, ok?"

"I...I...I missed you so...so much," Kurt sobbed, holding onto Carson as though he were on a sinking ship and Carson was a life preserver. "I..."

"I'm here, baby. I'm here," Carson whispered, stroking at Kurt's hair with one hand as he always had done. "I'm here now." He felt awful as he stood there in the doorway holding his hysterical twin and hating himself for ever leaving him in the first place. Why hadn't he applied to a college in New York? What was so fucking great about Northwestern, anyway? Just because that was what he had chosen as a kid didn't mean that he necessarily had to follow through with it now. He hated being apart from Kurt, and clearly Kurt wasn't having an easy time of it, either.

"Here, Kurtsie, why don't we go inside?" he asked gently, prodding Kurt inside the apartment, where Rachel was emerging from behind a curtain with a duffel bag in her hand. Carson caught a glimpse of a purple and pink bed and a vanity table behind her, and figured that must be her "bedroom."

"Carson," she acknowledged him with a curt nod.

"Trollberry," he replied out of habit, even though he had no reason as of yet to be annoyed with her.

"I, um...I knew you were coming, so.." she said, nodding down to the bag in her hand. "Kurt, I'm going to Brody's place for a couple of days, ok? To let you two have your visit."

Kurt nodded into Carson's shoulder, and Rachel gave him a quick pat on the back before pushing her way past Carson and exiting the apartment, sliding the door closed behind her.

"You didn't have to come," Kurt mumbled into Carson's hoodie, and Carson held him just a little bit tighter, inhaling the familiar scent of his hair and his lotions and instantly feeling at home. "I would have been fine."

"Are you kidding? Kurt, do you have any idea what it does to me when you're in pain?" asked Carson. "It actually physically pains me, Kurtsie. And just the thought of being all the way in fucking Chicago while you're here suffering was just unthinkable to me. I had to be here for you."

Kurt sniffed and clutched his hands into the fabric of Carson's hoodie. "I don't deserve you."

"Shhh," said Carson, leading him over to what he supposed was their couch and gently setting him down as he sat beside him. "It's ok now. You're ok. Brandon, on the other hand, is not going to be ok once I get my hands on him. I'm so fucking finished, you have no idea."

Kurt sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, which just went to show how distraught he was, because he never used his own clothes as tissues if he could possibly help it. "Can...can we not talk about Blaine?" he asked in a small voice. "I...I'd just rather focus on the fact that you're here."

Carson nodded, his stomach in knots at the sad look on his twin's face. "Of course, Kurtsie. Of course. We don't have to talk about the hobbit. It's ok." He reached out and ruffled Kurt's hair gently, and Kurt smiled ever so slightly before leaning his head on Carson's shoulder and sighing.

"I know you just got here, but can...can you just hold me for a while?" he asked. "It's been so long, and I miss it."

"Like you even have to ask," Carson replied, settling himself comfortably and allowing Kurt to rest his head on his lap, his twin's arms wrapped tightly around his waist as though Carson were his lifeline. "We can stay here like this as long as you want. Ok?"

Kurt nodded and let out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes and burying his face in Carson's stomach. Carson sighed himself and closed his own eyes, allowing himself to bask in the feeling of holding Kurt like this after so long. It had only been a little less than a month, but it felt like they had been separated for years, and it felt so good to be close to Kurt again. Even if it was under some pretty shitty circumstances.

Kurt's shaky breaths eventually settled down into deep, even ones after some time, and Carson glanced down at his lap to see that he had fallen fast asleep, his chest rising and falling peacefully. He looked like an angel, but an extremely sad angel who had been crying and had clearly gotten little to no sleep in the past twenty-four hours. Carson noticed for the first time that Kurt was in black sweats, and by the looks of it, had been wearing them all day, possibly from the night before. That wasn't like him at all. Even if he was hanging around the house for the day, Kurt usually at least put an outfit together. Carson supposed he'd been too depressed over Blaine to bother, and he felt a surge of righteous anger directed toward Blaine like he'd never even felt before.

Who the fuck cheats on such an angel? he wondered to himself as he gently stroked Kurt's hair and gazed at his sleeping, tear-stained face. What kind of an ungrateful fuck has a beautiful, precious gem like Kurt and just tosses him aside for some cheap ass? While others would happily die for even one day of being chosen by Kurt. It's not fair. It's just not fucking fair.

He kissed the tip of his finger and placed the finger to Kurt's nose, sighing as he leaned back against the couch cushions and started to fall asleep.

I'm here, Kurtsie. He'll never hurt you again. I won't let him.

Kurt woke up hours later to find himself laying alone across the couch, a blanket carefully tucked around him and a pillow placed under his head. His face felt significantly less sticky and gross than it had since Blaine had left, and he realized that someone must have washed his face while he was sleeping. He yawned and sat up, stretching his arms and wincing at the stiffness. That couch was far from comfortable.

"Carsey?" he called, looking around the apartment for his twin. He almost didn't notice him until Carson answered "Over here, Kurtsie!" and Kurt's eyes settled on him in the kitchen area, stirring something in a pot on the stove. It smelled a lot like soup.

"Minestrone soup," said Carson, as though reading Kurt's mind. "It's from a mix, but it's food. You need to eat something."

"I'm not really hungry," murmured Kurt, rubbing his eyes. He still felt exhausted, like he hadn't slept at all.

"Yes, you are," answered Carson. "Your stomach has been growling all night. It woke me up, actually. When was the last time you ate anything?"

Kurt thought about it and realized that he actually hadn't eaten anything since the afternoon before the piano bar. He hadn't had the desire or the energy to make anything. "I don't know," he lied. "Yesterday?"

Carson's eyes widened in horror. "You haven't eaten since when? Yeah, you need to eat." He searched around until he found a clean bowl and started spooning soup into it with a ladle.

"I'm really not hungry," Kurt insisted. Actually, that wasn't true. He was starving, but he just didn't feel like he had the energy to eat.

"Just eat a little bit, Kurtsie? Please?" asked Carson, carrying the bowl and a spoon over to the couch and sitting down beside Kurt. "I refuse to let you starve yourself over that asshole." He held the bowl out to Kurt like an offering and gave him an attempt at a pout, which made Kurt smile a little in spite of himself.

"That only works when I do it," he said, taking the bowl from him and spooning a little bit of it into his mouth. It tasted like heaven after not eating anything for so long.

"Good?" asked Carson with a smile. Kurt nodded.

"Delicious," he replied, reaching out and patting Carson's hand gently before starting to eat in earnest. Carson looked pleased and ruffled his hair before going back to the kitchen, placing the rest of the soup into Tupperware and leaving it out to cool.

"Carson?" Kurt said as Carson headed back to the couch to sit beside him.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're here," Kurt said, giving him a small smile. Carson took his empty bowl and set it down on the makeshift coffee table that sat in front of the couch.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be, Kurtsie," he said, holding his arms out in invitation. Kurt entered them eagerly, resting his head on Carson's chest and letting out a deep breath.

"What should we do now?" asked Carson, stroking Kurt's hair thoughtfully. "Watch a movie?"

Kurt shrugged. "If you want to. Can...can we watch The Notebook?"

Carson looked at him carefully. "Are you sure you want to watch that? I mean...considering..."

Kurt nodded. "Yeah. It's like comfort food. It will make me feel better."

"Ok," agreed Carson. "I'll clean up and set the movie up if you want to go take a shower."

"That would be awesome," Kurt said gratefully. "Actually, we can watch it in my room on my laptop. I think the bed will be a lot more comfortable."

"Couldn't agree more, Kurtsie," said Carson. "You run along now. I'll still be here when you're done."

God, I really don't deserve him, thought Kurt as he headed for the bathroom. I really, really don't.

As it turned out, The Notebook became something of a nightly (and daily) ritual for them. Kurt called in sick to Vogue for several days . Not only did he just not feel like going, he was almost afraid to leave Carson. He knew it was stupid, but he felt like if he left, that it would turn out that Carson was never really there and it was only a dream. As long as he stayed in the apartment, Carson was real and there. By the time Carson had been there for three days, they had watched the movie around fifteen times, give or take a few. Kurt couldn't help it. He was a man obsessed. He couldn't stop thinking about something he had said to Blaine shortly before graduation about how he pictured the end of his life like the ending to The Notebook, only with the love of his life there with him in his version. Blaine had probably assumed Kurt was talking about him. He hadn't been. He'd been thinking strictly of Carson when he'd said that.

And with every viewing of that movie, Kurt was hit more and more with the stunning realization that, if he so chose, he could tell Carson how he felt. There was nothing stopping him now. Blaine was a thing of the past. It still hurt, kind of, but not just because he'd been cheated on. It hurt because even if Kurt told Carson his true feelings, he wasn't sure now if Carson would have him. For all Kurt knew, Carson had begun to move on and heal while he was in Chicago. Maybe even started to make peace with the fact that he and Kurt wouldn't be together. If Kurt spoke up now, then what? Carson would be well within his rights to reject him, and Kurt wouldn't blame him one bit.

So he sat and he watched The Notebook like it was his job, and he continued to say nothing and feel miserable inside. And Carson happily watched with him, even though Kurt knew it wasn't his type of movie at all, and even though he had to have been getting sick of it by now. He never complained. He just lay with Kurt in bed, holding him close and stroking his hair while they watched it for the millionth time.

They were doing exactly this on the night before Kurt was due to return to Vogue, and Kurt was feeling more than a little emotional. He was actually feeling a little pissed at the movie for perpetuating the notion that lifelong love existed. Real life wasn't nearly so easy. Real life was complicated and shitty, and real relationships never turned out like that. Never. Kurt felt stupid for ever even believing that something like the love depicted in the movie could ever be his.

Fuck this movie, he thought, and slammed his laptop shut, making Carson jump a little in surprise.

"Kurtsie? You ok?" he asked, concern in his voice. Kurt shook his head.

"I just...no. No, that movie is lies. It's all lies. Fucking lies. Romance isn't like that. Not in real life. How can they get away with making it so perfect in movies? Apparently in real life you can never be with the one you...the one you really love..." Kurt babbled, feeling tears springing to his eyes as he spoke. "I just...I..."

"Kurt," Carson said softly, pulling him into an embrace and rubbing his back. "It's going to be ok, baby. You won't always feel like this. I promise."

Kurt sniffed and rested his head on Carson's shoulder. "I...I really kind of thought you'd be happy about this," he said.

"Happy about what?" asked Carson, confused.

"About me and Blaine breaking up," Kurt answered with a shaky sigh. "I mean, you always hated him, and...I mean...I guess I thought you'd be jumping for joy over this."

"Why would I be happy?" asked Carson, pulling away slightly to look him in the eye. "You're in pain. How could I ever be happy about that? Yeah, I hated Baxter. I still hate him. I think he's a giant fucking asshole, and there's nothing I would have ever wanted more than for you two to break up. But...not like this. Not in a way that causes you so much pain. I'd never want that."

"Really?" asked Kurt, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"What do you mean, really? Of course not," said Carson softly, wiping away some of Kurt's tears gently with his thumb. "And you'll get your Notebook romance. I promise. There's someone out there who will give that to you, ok? I guarantee it. You'll just have to look for him, but you'll find him. I know it."

Kurt looked into Carson's eyes, so genuine and full of love and concern for him, for his happiness, and in that moment, something inside him snapped. He was done tip-toeing around his feelings. He couldn't do it anymore. Why was he holding back? What, really, did he have to lose? The worst Carson could say was no. And Kurt really didn't want to look back on his life as an old man and regret never confessing his feelings for fear of what anyone would say. If he wanted happiness, he was going to have to reach out and take it. Or, at least attempt to. He may get rejected, but he had to try. And as he was thinking all of these things, he found his face growing closer and closer to Carson's, and before he could really register what was happening, he felt his lips colliding with his twin's lips.

There it was. An actual, honest kiss that he'd been waiting for his whole life, it seemed. He kissed Carson earnestly, pressing their lips together gently but firmly, as stars danced behind his eyes and his stomach swooped. This was what being in love felt like, for sure.

"Mmph," Carson mumbled against his lips. He pulled away slightly, panting and out of breath. "K-kurt...what...what are you doing?" he asked in shock, running his tongue across his bottom lip as if to taste the evidence of what had just happened.

"Oh god...I...I'm so sorry," Kurt babbled frantically, blushing and feeling embarrassed and foolish. "I...oh god...of course you don't...anymore...of course...I understand, I just...I wanted..."

"Kurt...Kurt, baby...c-calm down," Carson said, placing his hands on Kurt's shoulders and looking him in the eyes. "You...um...you just kissed me."

Kurt nodded. "I know."

Carson's eyes looked just a little hopeful, but still full of surprise and awe as they stared into Kurt's. "Why?"

Kurt bit his lip and began playing with the nail on his thumb. "I...Carson, I have to tell you something, ok?" he said nervously, his heart thumping in his chest.

"What is it, Kurtsie?" asked Carson quietly.

"I, um...oh, Carson, I heard you," Kurt blurted out in a rush, wanting to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible.

"Heard me?"

"Yeah...the night before you left for Chicago and you...you thought I was asleep. And I just...oh god, Carson, I was so scared to say anything, but I wanted to. You have no idea how much I wanted to. I wanted to turn around right after I squeezed your hand and kiss you and tell you...tell you..."

"Tell me what?" asked Carson breathlessly. His mouth was hanging open slightly and his eyes were widening more every second as he waited for Kurt's reply.

"That...that I love you," said Kurt, almost in a whisper. "That I've always loved you. That I'd been so stupid to be with anyone else when it always should have been you. And I feel like a huge asshole, because I knew how you felt about me and I ignored it for so long, hoping it would fade for both of us, because god, what would people say? And...and.."

He got no further, for Carson surged forward and put his lips back on Kurt's, and oh...so that was what it felt like to be kissed passionately by someone who really loved you. It felt a lot like floating on a cloud. Kurt returned the kiss with fervor, bringing up one hand to trail lightly against Carson's cheek as their lips moved slowly against each other.

"Wait," Carson mumbled, pulling away and pinching himself hard on the arm. "Ow," he said in awe.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Kurt breathlessly, frustrated at the loss of those lips on his.

"Just checking," replied Carson. "You know, making sure neither of us are drunk, or asleep, or..."

"Yeah, I'm really going to need you to stop talking, because your lips tasted awesome and I really want them kissing me right now," said Kurt with a pout.

"Oh fuck, not the p-" began Carson, his words cut off as Kurt attacked his lips, sucking Carson's bottom lip in between his own and nibbling slightly, causing Carson to moan into his mouth. He felt Carson's hand slipping onto the back of his head, burying his fingers in his hair and tilting his head slightly, creating a much better angle for kissing. Kurt's senses were completely overtaken by Carson. He was everywhere, and Kurt's world was narrowed down to absolutely nothing except Carson, and Carson's lips, and the delicious sounds Carson was making as Kurt continued kissing him like he'd never get the chance again. It was pure bliss. He'd been wanting this forever, and he couldn't even believe it was happening right now.

"Oh...oh god..." Carson moaned as Kurt turned his attention to kissing along his jawline, nipping little bites into the skin every few inches as he slowly worked his way down to his neck. He began sucking earnestly at the sensitive skin just below Carson's ear, relishing the salty taste and scraping it slightly with his teeth, causing Carson to let out a loud moan.

"Kurt," he breathed as Kurt laved his tongue across the abused skin. "Kurt, Kurt, oh god..."

"Mmm," Kurt hummed in reply, sliding his hands down Carson's sides until they rested on his hips, slowly and gently pushing Carson down until he was laying on the bed against the pillows. Kurt settled himself slowly on top of him and nipped a little at his jaw again.

"You ok?" he asked in a whisper, and Carson eagerly nodded before Kurt crashed their lips together once more, pouring every bit of passion he had into it and feeling extremely frustrated because he just couldn't get close enough. He situated his hips against Carson's, and he could feel his twin's hardening dick pressing up against his own rapidly growing erection through their pajamas.

"Oh," he moaned at the amazing feeling, deepening the kiss a little and suddenly feeling Carson's tongue pressing up against his lips. Kurt opened his mouth eagerly, granting Carson access, and he could swear he was dying as he felt Carson's tongue licking against his. A pleasant, tingling sensation was building in his stomach as their erections slid together, and he shifted his hips just a little, working them in a grinding motion against Carson's.

"Fuck," moaned Carson, shivering and thrusting his hips up in response. "Oh shit, Kurt, oh god..." He started thrusting his hips more, meeting every downward grind of Kurt's, and the friction was unlike anything Kurt had ever felt. He'd never experienced anything like this. Never. He and Blaine had pretty much jumped right into sex without any of these stepping stones, and god, he really had been missing out, because this was heavenly.

A particularly hard thrust from Carson hit Kurt's dick at just the right angle, and he cried out as he felt Carson's hands, which had been running up and down his back, traveling lower and lower, resting just above the swell of his ass.

"K-kurt.." Carson moaned, his eyes rolling back a little as Kurt sucked at the place where his shoulder met his neck. "Kurt, can I...can I touch you...lower...I.."

Kurt nodded eagerly. "Yes! Carson, yes, baby, touch me wherever you...ah," he moaned as he felt Carson's hands rest on his ass and begin squeezing and kneading the flesh there. "God, yes, keep doing that," Kurt groaned as they continued rutting desperately against each other. Kurt was losing any sense of coordination or rhythm as he felt the pleasant, tingling heat in his stomach building to a crescendo.

"Kurt.." Carson moaned, his breath coming out in pants and gasps as Kurt licked along his jawline. "Kurt, I...I'm close, Kurt...I..." Kurt felt him tense up beneath him, and his face took on a look of absolute ecstasy as he came, his mouth forming a perfect O shape. His dick twitched in his pants, and Kurt could feel the heat against him, which caused him to reach his own climax with a very loud moan of Carson's name, his brain taken over by whiteness. It was the most intense orgasm he'd ever had in his entire life, so good he was sure he was going to pass out. As it was, he felt like his heart was going to leap right out of his chest for how fast and hard it was pounding.

He just lay there on top of Carson for a minute, staring into his eyes as Carson stared into his, both of them trying to regain their breathing.

"I..." Kurt began, and gave up. He didn't have the energy or the brain function to form words at the moment.

"Kurt," Carson whispered, biting his lip and looking almost like he wanted to cry. He brought his hand up to cup Kurt's cheek gently, stroking it softly. "You're so beautiful, Kurtsie."

Kurt felt a swell of love in his heart he'd never felt before, so intense he wanted to rip his own heart out. "Carsey," he said, rolling off of him and settling his head on Carson's chest, running one hand up and down the length of his twin's arm. "I...that was...I..."

"I love you," whispered Carson.

Kurt's eyes filled with unshed tears as he smiled at him. "I love you too, Carsey," he replied, pressing their lips together gently in a sweet, slow kiss. He couldn't believe they had just done what they'd done. It felt so surreal.

"I don't know what to say," Carson said softly as he used the hand that was cupping Kurt's cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "I just...did that just happen? I..."

"Shhh," said Kurt, cupping Carson's cheek in his own hand and looking him intently in the eye. "Let's not talk right now, ok? Let's just...I just want to be. Just be with you."

Carson bit his lip and nodded. "Ok. Ok, Kurtsie."

Kurt eventually forced himself out of bed to get a damp washcloth and some spare clothes, but aside from a brief cleaning up (which Carson insisted on doing for Kurt), they were back in each other's arms in no time, holding each other tight as they drifted off to sleep.

Carson awoke several hours later to moonlight streaming through the windows and Kurt in his arms, the memories of what had happened earlier flooding back into his brain like a tidal wave. He was still in complete shock that it had happened at all, and had pinched himself several more times when Kurt wasn't looking. It had hurt every single time. So he supposed he really had just listened to Kurt confess to him that he felt the same way as Carson did. He wished he could wrap his brain around it. It still felt like a dream, even though he was sure it wasn't. Any second now he was sure he would wake up and discover that none of this had ever happened and he had really just drifted off during his work break or something.

The sound of gasping and hiccuping alerted him to the fact that Kurt wasn't asleep, either. He was sobbing quietly in Carson's arms, clearly trying to keep quiet so as not to disturb him.

"Kurt?" he asked quietly, starting to worry. Shit, he thought. I knew we shouldn't have done anything. God, he's obviously still sick over Bamboo, and there I went letting him do all that we did. Fuck, what's wrong with me? "Kurtsie? What's wrong, baby? Why are you crying?"

Kurt heaved a huge breath and let it out slowly as he cuddled closer to Carson. "Because I don't deserve you," he managed to get out through his tears. "I...I don't even know why you would even still want me after...after all that I put you through.."

Carson was slightly taken aback at the revelation that Kurt wasn't crying over Blaine, but quickly got over it as the realization of what he was saying sunk in. Didn't deserve Carson? Was he nuts? If anything, it was the other way around. Didn't Kurt realize what a treasure he was? He pulled Kurt closer and kissed the top of his head affectionately.

"Kurtsie, no. Stop thinking that right now. I'm not going to lie, it's really hurt me all this time not being able to be with you the way I really wanted. But I have always and will always love you, and nothing will ever change that. Don't you think for a second that I don't, ok? If anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you," he said, finishing his speech with a small kiss to Kurt's forehead, not quite brave enough to go for the lips, even after all they had done earlier.

"Really?" asked Kurt, as if he genuinely couldn't believe it, and Carson's heart ached for him.

"Here," he said, gently taking Kurt's hand and placing it on his own chest. "Do you feel that? My heartbeat?" Kurt nodded. "It's for you, Kurtsie. It's...it's always been for you."

Kurt looked at him carefully for a moment, his eyes searching for something in Carson's. Whatever it was, he seemed to have found it, because he leaned his face into Carson's, his hand still on his chest, and pressed their lips together in another kiss. Much like all the others they had shared that evening, this one made Carson tingle from head to toe and his heart start to thud faster and harder against his chest.

"Wow," said Kurt, pressing his hand against Carson's chest. "I can feel it. What...what the kiss did to you."

"Of course you can," said Carson, hugging him tightly to him. "As long as it's beating, it's doing it for you. Remember that."

Kurt kissed him one more time before snuggling back up against Carson, his head on his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too, Kurtsie."