Aug. 12, 2013, 9:56 a.m.
Unbreakable Bonds: Chapter 20
E - Words: 12,837 - Last Updated: Aug 12, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 42/42 - Created: Nov 22, 2012 - Updated: Aug 12, 2013 248 0 0 0 1
Carson turned out the lights in the journalism classroom and headed down the hallway, hoping to catch up with Kurt before the next period. He had a completely free afternoon in front of him after school, and he thought maybe Kurt would want to do something together. If Carson could catch him without the hobbit, maybe he would want to. Kurt had been increasingly clingy with Carson lately, ever since Regionals. He'd apparently really thought Carson was dead when he was late, and it had clearly shaken him up. Carson made a mental note next time to call him. He understood what it was like to worry like that, he just never thought that Kurt did it.
He was trying to make more of an effort to reach out to Kurt. There were only so many more weeks left until graduation, and then they would only have the summer together before Carson moved to Illinois and Kurt moved, come hell or high water, to New York. Their time together was running out and was therefore becoming increasingly more precious. Carson didn't want to go to Chicago full of regret that he had let his extreme aversion to Blaine ruin the last few months that he would get to spend with Kurt for a very long time. So, he'd been trying to hang out with Kurt more and hide in the journalism classroom less. He'd even started trying not to miss any Glee meetings.
He would probably have to start carrying Pepto Bismol tablets around with him at all times, though. Seeing Kurt and Blaine together having Big Loving Moments always tended to make him sick to his stomach.
He turned the corner of the hall and immediately spotted Kurt ahead of him. Unfortunately, he was with Blaine. Fuck.
"You ok?" Kurt was asking Blaine as Carson drew closer. "You seem a little preoccupied."
"Ah, well, my brother's in town," replied Blaine.
"You have a brother, Binney? That's nice. Though, if he's anything like you, I bet your parents wish they'd have learned how to use condoms sooner," said Carson as he fell into place beside Kurt and gently took his hand.
"He's picking me up and taking me out to lunch," Blaine continued, addressing Kurt and giving an icy glare to Carson as he spoke. Carson's ears perked up. Ok, this was actually good. If Blaine was going to be spending the afternoon with his brother, then Kurt would be free to...well...do the same.
"Blaine, that's exciting!" said Kurt as they arrived at his locker and he spun the lock expertly. "I finally get to meet this mysterious brother of yours, who you refuse to talk about. I'm dying to know what he looks like."
"I'm dying to know whether or not those eyebrows run in the family," quipped Carson. Kurt gave him a warning look, and Blaine just ignored him.
Blaine chuckled nervously. "Oh, trust me, you already know what he looks like."
"Fuck, you're not a twin, are you?" asked Carson, horrified by the possibility.
"Blainie!" came a voice from behind them. A slightly familiar looking guy was approaching them, and from the way Blaine shouted "Hey, Coop!" and let the guy hug him, either Coop was another one of his secret sext partners or he was Blaine's brother. Carson assumed the latter.
"I guess the eyebrows and the hobbit height don't run in the family," said Carson as he and Kurt watched the brothers hug. "Perhaps Byron's mom had an affair with a caterpillar. Or he's adopted." He turned to Kurt to see how his joke had gone over, but Kurt hadn't been paying any attention to him. He was staring open-mouthed at Blaine's brother the way he usually stared at a sign advertising a sale at one of his favorite stores.
"This your boyfriend here?" Blaine's brother asked him, holding out his hand to Kurt.
"Yes, it is," answered Blaine. "Kurt, this is my brother, Cooper Anderson." Kurt took Cooper's hand and shook it, his eyes still wide as saucers. Carson hung back and sighed. Fuck, there's TWO Andersons now that Kurt thinks are attractive for some reason. Fuck my life.
"Nice to meet you," said Cooper.
"Oh my god, you're the guy from the Free Credit Rating Today commercials!" exclaimed Kurt, still shaking Cooper's hand.
"Guilty as charged," said Cooper with a smile. Carson frowned. So that was why Cooper looked so familiar.
"I love those commercials!" Kurt squeaked in excitement. "The jingle's my ringtone!"
"I hate those commercials," muttered Carson. Cooper looked over at him and smiled.
"Am I seeing double or are you a twin, Kurt?" he asked. Kurt was still shaking Cooper's hand and looked momentarily confused.
"Hmm? Oh...oh!" he said, shaking his head. "Yes, this...this is my brother, Carson."
"Nice to meet you, Carson," said Cooper, managing to pry his hand away from Kurt in order to shake Carson's. Carson took it gingerly, trying to make as little contact with it as possible. He didn't want Anderson germs rubbing off on him.
"Pleasure," he said. "I've got to say, I don't see the family resemblance between you and Brunswick." Cooper chuckled, opening his mouth to say something when Coach Sylvester came up and took Cooper aside for a chat.
"Blaine, why didn't you tell me your brother was famous?" asked Kurt, watching as Cooper talked with Coach Sylvester.
"I don't know, I...I guess I just forgot," said Blaine, looking uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I can see how something like that could slip your mind," said Carson dryly, frowning as Kurt gazed adoringly over at Cooper, who was autographing Coach Sylvester's boob. Ugh, gross.
"Do you think he'd sign my chest?" asked Kurt. Blaine frowned. Carson looked at Kurt in disbelief.
"He doesn't need to touch your chest. Ever. For any reason," said Carson, trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice. "One Anderson doing that is enough," he added in a low voice. Kurt squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. Carson couldn't fucking wait until lunchtime for Cooper to take Blaine away. Far, far away.
But first, he had to sit through a glee club meeting in which Cooper came to speak to them and inform them that he was planning on teaching them a "Master Class" in acting the following day. Whatever the fuck that meant. Seriously? A master class for what, exactly? Your biggest claim to fame is a series of annoying commercials for a scam website, thought Carson bitterly. He was extremely unamused, since Kurt was still fanboying over Cooper like he was an actual celebrity that mattered. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Carson then had to watch Cooper and Blaine perform a mashup that would probably have made Duran Duran cry tears of sorrow if they had been in attendance. It quickly became apparent that Cooper was just as much of an attention whore as his younger brother, perhaps even more so. Blaine certainly didn't look happy to be sharing the spotlight with a bigger and more experienced showoff, that was for sure.
Well, I guess Buckingham isn't adopted. Attention whoring most definitely does run in the family. But at least Bridgely is miserable. That's something.
"So, we all decided on Six Flags for Senior Ditch Day," Kurt said to Carson that afternoon as they drove home together in the SUV. "You're planning on coming with us, right? It'll be so boring if you aren't there."
"Definitely," said Carson, perking up at the thought of spending a whole day with Kurt somewhere that wasn't school. "Someone has to be there to hold your scarf when you get sick from the rollercoasters."
"I do not get sick," protested Kurt. "I just get...queasy."
"You get sick," insisted Carson. "Do I need to remind you of the Great Upchuck Incident of 2007?"
Kurt crossed his arms and pouted. "That was different. I'd just eaten, and how was I supposed to know that coaster was going to be quite so intense?"
"Tell that to the poor little girl who got her nice outfit covered in your barf," said Carson. "Although, I still say she was lucky."
Kurt blushed. "You're the worst."
"Nah, you love me."
"If you're lucky," Kurt mumbled in reply, but Carson could see the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile.
Kurt hesitated outside the weight room, having a silent debate with himself over whether he really should do what he was about to do. He didn't really want to think about Carson's reaction if Blaine came along with them to Six Flags, even if the rest of the non-senior glee members were also going. But ever since Blaine's brother had come to town, Blaine had been extremely withdrawn, moody, and cranky. He hardly ever smiled, and had basically been ignoring everyone, even Kurt. Kurt thought maybe a day away where he didn't have to think about Cooper would do Blaine a world of good. He would feel like a horrible boyfriend if he didn't at least try to get Blaine out of his funk.
So, he poised himself and pushed open the door of the weight room, ignoring the smell of teenage boy that invaded his nostrils as he entered. Blaine was there alone, clad in his workout gear and boxing gloves, aggressively attacking a punching bag that Kurt assumed was Cooper's face in his imagination.
"Hey, honey," Kurt said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "Making...um...progress?"
Blaine gave him a brief glance and grunted out an incoherent reply as he continued punching. Kurt decided to get straight to the point.
"Um, about Senior Ditch Day," said Kurt carefully, "we, uh...we all decided on Six Flags."
"That's nice," said Blaine absentmindedly, his fists swinging.
"Everyone is going. The whole glee club, I mean. Not just the seniors."
"Uh-huh."
"So," said Kurt, wondering if maybe this was a bad idea after all, "Did you maybe want to join us?"
Blaine shook his head and continued punching. "Not really. I don't feel like it."
"Are you sure?" asked Kurt. "It might do you some good to get out for awhile, and, you know...forget about stuff."
"No," said Blaine irritably, punching the bag harder. "I don't want to go. You go, ok? Hang out with Carson. Have fun."
Kurt looked at him carefully and nodded. "Well, just remember it's not until tomorrow, so you have time to change your mind if-"
"I JUST SAID I DON'T WANT TO GO!" Blaine shouted, his voice echoing off the walls of the weight room as he gave several hard, unrelenting punches to the bag in front of him. Kurt jumped back in shock. Blaine had never yelled at him before, and the look in his eye was downright frightening.
"Fine...o-ok.." he stammered, backing away toward the door. "Ok." He opened the door with shaking hands and practically ran down the hallway, not even consciously realizing that he was headed for the journalism classroom until he was right outside of it. He stood outside the door for a minute collecting himself before he walked in, trying to look normal.
"Hey, Kurtsie," said Carson, his eyes glued to his laptop as he clacked away at the keyboard. "What's up?" Kurt crossed over and settled himself behind him, wrapping his arms around his neck.
"Nothing," he said, inhaling the scent of Carson's hair. He may not have been a fan of hair products like Kurt was, but his hair always smelled clean and fresh. It was comforting. "What are you working on?"
"An article nobody's going to read for yet another edition of the Muckraker that nobody is going to read, to add to the huge pile of articles that nobody will ever read," replied Carson as he typed. "But at least nobody can say I'm a quitter."
Kurt smiled. "You excited for Senior Ditch Day tomorrow?"
Carson nodded. "You bet. I've even got a bedazzled barf bucket all ready and waiting, just for you. For when you get sick on the rollercoasters you insist on riding despite my objections."
Kurt snorted and bopped him playfully on the arm. "Oh, stop."
"No, I mean it," Carson insisted, ceasing his typing so that he could grasp Kurt's hand in his own. "I've got the bucket and I've got the motion sickness pills all ready to go." He brought Kurt's hand up to his mouth and gave it a tiny kiss.
"You're the best," said Kurt, kissing Carson's hair.
"I know."
Blaine still hadn't changed his mind by the following morning, not that Kurt asked him again. He was too nervous about what his boyfriend's reaction would be. It was probably best just to leave him alone until Cooper left town and the whole thing blew over. It was just as well that he didn't come, anyway, Kurt thought, because he and Carson had a wonderful time all on their own. Kurt was leaping onto his back the second they entered the park gates, wrapping his arms around his neck and bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Carry me!" he ordered, knowing Carson would be happy to comply. He did, grabbing onto Kurt's legs and hoisting him up piggyback style as everyone else tried to decide what to do first.
"I think we should find the food first," said Puck.
"I disagree, Noah. I think we should get the roughest rides out of the way first, so that we don't get sick," argued Rachel.
"I can't believe I'm about to agree with Trollberry, but...I agree with Trollberry," said Carson. "Rollercoasters first."
Rollercoasters it was. They rode three of them in succession, and Kurt hopped off the third one all set to rub it in Carson's face that he had not, in fact, gotten sick, when he felt a familiar, unpleasant feeling deep in his stomach.
"Carson," he groaned. Carson immediately reached into his pocket and pulled out a plastic shopping bag, which he smoothed out quickly and handed to Kurt. He said nothing as Kurt used the bag, not even "I knew it" or "I told you so." He just rubbed his back gently, took the bag from Kurt when he was finished, and handed him a motion sickness tablet and his water bottle.
"Better?" he asked as Kurt swallowed the water. Kurt nodded.
"Much," he replied. Carson smiled and put one arm around Kurt's shoulders as he tossed the shopping bag into the nearest trash can.
"We should probably stick to the lame rides for the rest of the day. Or until your stomach calms down," he said. "Although, now that I think of it, I wish I hadn't thrown away your barf bag. I should totally have handed it to Trollberry without telling her what it was."
Kurt snorted. "You are entirely too much."
Carson grinned. "I know."
"You know," said Carson as he held the door of the music store open for Kurt and waited for him to enter first, "I never knew we even had a sheet music store here. It seems like the kind of place that would have been put out of business by the internet years ago."
"Nope," said Kurt, wandering over to a rack of music and running his fingers absentmindedly over the covers. "Besides, I can't rely on the internet for sheet music for this. I need the perfect song for Whitney Week, and I won't know the perfect song until I feel it in my hands."
Carson smiled and shook his head. "And I'm here why, exactly? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you, but you know I don't know much about sheet music. Or music in general. I'm not going to be much help."
"Oh, I know that, silly," said Kurt, picking up a book of Whitney Houston sheet music and flipping through it casually. "You're here for me to talk at. I need to voice my ideas out loud as part of my process, and I look dumb if there's no one there. Like I'm talking to myself."
Carson nodded. "Makes sense." He thought about asking him why Blaine didn't come with him, but decided he didn't want to look a gift horse (the horse being an afternoon spent alone with Kurt) in the mouth. Besides, he had a feeling all was not right with his twin's relationship. Kurt had been spending a lot more time with Carson lately rather than with Blaine, and as much as Carson loved it and silently rejoiced the fact that Kurt wasn't coming home late every night with hickeys adorning his neck like some sort of sick branding, he hoped that Kurt wasn't feeling too depressed over that idiot.
He glanced down at the book in Kurt's hand. "So what song were you planning, anyway?"
"I don't know," Kurt mused, flipping through the book. "There are so many choices, and a lot of them were so very obviously written for me. It will be hard to decide."
"Excuse me?" came a voice from across the store. A boy was approaching them, his eyes wide and a smile on his face as he looked at Kurt in awe. "I'm so sorry to bother you, but that hippopotamus head brooch is awesome!"
"Thanks," said Kurt, giving him a small smile.
"That whole outfit is amazing," the boy added. "You must get compliments all the time."
"I try," said Carson in a monotone, crossing his arms and looking their guest up and down. He didn't like where this was going. Total strangers flirting with Kurt was definitely up there on the list of things that were not ok.
"Well, other than from him, I don't, actually," said Kurt, patting Carson on the shoulder. "Kurt Hummel," he added, holding his hand out to the boy.
"Chandler Kiehl," the boy introduced himself, shaking Kurt's hand. "I go to North Lima High. I've got an audition next week, and I'm dying to do "Rainbow High" from Evita, but the guy just said they're sold out, which is a preposterous lie!" he said in the direction of the clerk behind the counter, who ignored him.
"Yeah, well, shit happens. Best of luck to you," said Carson pointedly.
"What are you auditioning for?" asked Kurt. Carson sighed inwardly. Kurt, come on. He doesn't want to talk about his audition, he wants to talk about having your babies. Not that I blame him, but come ON.
"Uh, the musical theater program at NYU," answered Chandler.
"That's so funny, I'm auditioning for NYADA," said Kurt. "My callback is in a couple of weeks."
"NYADA callback?" Chandler repeated. "Ooh-la-la! What song are you doing?"
"I'm not sure," said Kurt. "I have to find the perfect Whitney Houston song."
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Chandler, running out from behind the rack of music he had been standing behind to get closer to Kurt. "You must do "One Moment In Time." Whitney's performance at the '89 Grammys was legend, and no one has done that song justice since!"
"But then again, there's also "All The Man That I Need," replied Kurt before Carson could open his mouth to say "Thanks for your opinion, now bye."
"Oh my god, that song is amazing! You must do it!" exclaimed Chandler with a big grin, bouncing up and down on his heels. "Finally, a love song where it didn't have to hurt to turn out right. Sorry, am I being really loud? When I get excited, I tend to start yelling."
"Yes," muttered Carson.
"No, no, you're just really enthusiastic," replied Kurt, elbowing Carson lightly in the ribs. Carson could practically hear him thinking Don't be rude, Carsey. "It's refreshing. Infectious, actually."
"Then, I should quit while I'm ahead," said Chandler.
"Yeah, that would be best. Door's that way," Carson said, pointing helpfully in the direction of the store's entrance.
"Nice to meet you, Kurt Hummel," said Chandler, shaking Kurt's hand again, as if Carson hadn't spoken. "I'm sure you'll nail whatever song you pick."
"Thank you," said Kurt.
"And good luck with your NYADA callback. Let me know if I can be of any help," Chandler added. "We future New Yorkers gotta stick together."
"Yeah, no, that won't be necessary," said Carson.
"Can I get your number?" asked Chandler. Oh my GOD, is this bitch for real? No, you can't have his number, why don't you just go and-
"Sure," said Kurt, taking his phone out of his pocket as Carson's mouth hung open. "Here, put your number in my phone and I'll put mine in yours. Then if I need any help with my song choices, I'll get in touch with you."
"Awesome!" said Chandler, taking Kurt's phone and handing him his. Carson watched in disbelief as they exchanged numbers and then Chandler left the store with a grin, a wave, and an enthusiastic "Adios!"
"Ok, what the fuck just happened?" asked Carson, shaking his head as if he would wake up from whatever bizarre dream this was if he just did it hard enough. "Did you seriously just give that guy your number?"
"Yes," said Kurt, placing his phone back into his pocket. "Why not?"
"Um, because he was practically undressing you with his eyes, that's why," replied Carson, his arms crossed. "It's bad enough when Baylor does it, let alone some random guy."
"Oh, Carson, he was not," said Kurt, sighing in exasperation. "He was just being nice and offering to help me with my audition, that's all. And if he felt like complimenting my outfit while he was at it, then, well...he's more than welcome. It's nice to be complimented sometimes."
"What do you mean?" asked Carson. "I compliment you all the time."
Kurt smiled. "I know you do, sweetie, and I love you for it. But you're biased," he said, giving Carson a kiss on the cheek. Carson felt himself blushing to the roots of his hair.
"I am not," he protested. "I'm just the only person around you most of the time who isn't completely stupid, or blind. Speaking of which, doesn't Bilsby give you compliments?"
Kurt looked down at the book of sheet music he was still holding and ran his fingers over the spine. "Know what? I'm getting this," he said, ignoring Carson's question and walking up to the counter, leaving Carson to answer it himself.
I'll take that as a no.
Carson watched, half in fascination, half in utter jealousy, as Kurt spent the next few days being bombarded with dozens of text messages from Chandler, most of which contained extremely cheesy pick-up lines, and most of which had Kurt smiling and stifling giggles as he read them.
"Oh my god," Carson said one afternoon as he and Kurt sat beside each other on the living room couch working on their homework. Kurt's phone on the coffee table had buzzed with a text message, and Carson had caught a glimpse of it before his twin picked the phone up. "Do you have a library card, because I'm checking you out? What the hell? I knew he was only trying to pick you up, but seriously, this is, like, the lamest way he could go about it."
Kurt rolled his eyes as he picked up the phone. "I think they're funny, Carsey. And sort of cute and sweet, in their own way."
"I think they're stupid," mumbled Carson. "I mean, not that I blame him for trying, because hello, have you seen yourself? But come on, he only met you for five minutes."
Kurt blushed at the compliment. "They're just funny texts, Carson. It's not like we're sexting, and it's not even like I'm flirting back. I have a...Blaine." Carson scowled at the mention of Blaine and tapped his pencil against his notebook thoughtfully.
"Yeah, well...I still don't like it," he muttered. Kurt smiled and ruffled his hair affectionately.
"I think they're amusing. And I can't really tell him to knock it off without hurting his feelings," said Kurt. "He'll get bored eventually and stop. And until then, well...the compliments are nice."
Carson shrugged. "I guess," he mumbled.
"Aaaaw, Carsey, you know I love you the most," teased Kurt in a mock baby voice, putting the phone down and hugging Carson around the shoulders, pressing their cheeks together.
"And I love you the most," Carson conceded, tapping the tip of Kurt's nose lightly with the eraser end of his pencil.
The texts from Chandler continued to pour in, and Carson severely hoped that Kurt was right about him getting bored eventually and quitting, because some of the texts he caught a glimpse of almost made him want to vomit from their cheesiness. Seriously, guy? "If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents"? Do you just look this shit up on the internet before you send it to him? I mean, not that I blame you. I really, really do not. Kurt's hot. He's also kind of my world, and I don't take kindly to other people trying to take away my world, no matter how pathetic the attempt.
He didn't have time to worry about Chandler the next night, because Blaine came over to watch a Being Bobby Brown marathon with Kurt, and Carson didn't know what was worse. The TV show, or the fact that Blaine was up there in his and Kurt's bedroom, probably planning to do god only knew what with Kurt. Carson shivered at the thought as he sat at the kitchen table with his laptop. I have an ear out, hobbit. Remember that. At the first sign of shenanigans, your balls are mine to hang above the fireplace.
"Make sure Beetle Bailey keeps his hands to himself," he said to Kurt as his twin came into the kitchen to fix a cheese plate. "The only part of your body he's allowed to touch in that room anymore is your face, and only if he's washed his hands."
"Oh, Carsey," said Kurt with a chuckle. "Come on, honey, we've been through this. I promised you we wouldn't...well...that we wouldn't have a repeat of a few months ago," he finished vaguely. Carson felt the ghost of a nervous stomach at the mere memory of what he had walked in on that day, and he swallowed.
"Yeah...see that we don't," he said, focusing on his laptop screen so that Kurt wouldn't see his gritted teeth. Kurt took the cheese plate upstairs and Carson sighed, resting his head against the keyboard for a second before sitting back up and reaching at the collar of his T-shirt for his glasses. His hand touched nothing but fabric.
Crap. Must have left my glasses upstairs, he thought, getting up from his seat and heading upstairs, hoping that all he would see when he walked into the room would be Kurt and Blaine sitting on opposite ends of the bed with the cheese plate between them.
"Then talk to me," he heard Blaine saying as he approached the bedroom door. "Tell me you're unhappy, but don't cheat on me."
Say what? thought Carson, thoroughly confused. He's gotta be talking about the TV show, right?
"I feel like I have taken crazy pills!" Kurt shouted as Carson entered the doorway. "I didn't cheat on you!" He crossed the room to where Blaine stood and snatched something out of his hand that turned out to be Kurt's phone upon further inspection. Carson suddenly had an uneasy feeling in his gut.
"Ok, what the hell is going on in here?" he asked, walking into the room and looking back and forth from Kurt to Blaine. "I know you didn't just accuse Kurt of cheating, hobbit," he said, glaring at Blaine.
Blaine glared right back at him. "Not that it's any of your damn business, but just out of curiosity, what would you call dozens of flirty texts between him and some guy named Chandler that's been going on behind my back for days? Hmm? Because I call that cheating," he said, his voice growing louder with every word.
"Oh yeah? And I call it harmless," retorted Carson. "He's just some clueless guy Kurt met at the music store, and Kurt was too polite to tell him to buzz off. So why don't you calm the fuck down? And incidentally," he added, feeling his blood pressure rising with every word he spoke, "I also call it no worse than what you, yourself, were doing with Sebastian not two months ago, so don't you fucking dare go off on Kurt for "cheating," because if this was cheating than you, my dear hobbit, cheated first."
Blaine rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Wow, Carson leaping to Kurt's defense no matter what he's done. What a shock. Maybe a few flirty texts should be the least of my worries, hmm? I don't know, maybe I should just learn to deal with having a boyfriend who will throw himself at literally anyone." His eyes were glinting as he directed that last part at Kurt, who stepped back slightly in shock, and Carson seriously had to restrain himself from punching Blaine right in the face.
"Ok, asshole," Carson said in a low, dangerous voice, placing himself in front of Kurt and glowering at Blaine. "I'm not going to let you talk to him like that. Not at any time, in any place, and especially not in this fucking house, in this room. You need to leave. Right the fuck now," he said, pointing toward the door. "Go. NOW." Blaine stared back at him and threw his hands up in the air.
"Whatever," he muttered. "I'm gone. Have fun." He gathered his jacket and left the room, slamming the door behind him, and Carson heard a small, shaky sigh coming from behind him.
"Hey," he said, turning around and gently cupping Kurt's face in his hand. "You ok?" Kurt looked at him, his eyes shining with unshed tears, and shook his head. He leaned against Carson, and Carson wrapped his arms around him tenderly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
"It'll be ok, Kurtsie," he whispered soothingly.
"I didn't cheat on him," Kurt said quietly. "That wasn't cheating."
"I know," said Carson, rubbing his back. "I know, baby. He's just an asshole." He felt Kurt stiffen against him and take a deep breath.
"No he's not, Carson," he said. "He's just...he overreacts, but...I don't know. I kind of just want to go to bed now."
Carson nodded, resisting the urge to sit Kurt down and list all the ways in which Blaine was a pompous fucker who didn't deserve him. It wouldn't do any good, anyway. "Ok," he said with a sigh.
"I know it's early, but will you lay with me?" asked Kurt, pulling away from the hug and looking at Carson with wet eyes. Carson closed his eyes and nodded.
"Yeah. Yeah, sure," he said softly, giving Kurt a small smile. "You get ready, and I'll close my laptop down and come back up."
"Ok," agreed Kurt, dabbing at his eye with one finger as he went into the bathroom. Carson went back downstairs and closed his laptop, noting that his spiral notebook had been tossed onto the floor since he'd been upstairs. No one else was home, so he was willing to bet Blaine had done it on his way out.
Asshole, he thought as he picked up the notebook and the laptop and headed back upstairs. Fuck you and fuck the day you ever entered our lives.
Kurt sat in the choir room the next day, waiting for glee to begin and feeling extremely glum. He'd tried all day to approach Blaine and make some sort of an apology, but Blaine had refused to talk to him and had been actively avoiding him. Kurt didn't know what to do. On one hand, he was pissed that Blaine would even think that he would cheat, and it kind of hurt that he was admonishing Kurt for something that he himself had done before. No matter what Blaine said, Kurt knew that his conversations with Sebastian had probably not been "family friendly," as his boyfriend had claimed in the heat of their argument the night before. There was no way they could have been. On the other hand, he still felt really bad for making Blaine so upset. He wished he'd never exchanged numbers with freaking Chandler now. He should have listened to Carson.
"You ok?" asked Carson, taking the seat beside Kurt and squeezing his hand as Kurt sighed deeply. "You holding up alright?"
Kurt nodded, tearing his eyes away from where Blaine sat several rows in front of him. "Yeah. Long day." He squeezed back and tried to force a smile for Carson's sake. Thank god for Carson. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. At least I know someone always has my back no matter what.
Mr. Schue finally entered the choir room and began glee, and Blaine immediately raised his hand from his seat.
"Mr. Schue, if I may?" he said. "I have a song I've prepared for our Whitney Houston assignment."
Mr. Schue smiled and gestured to the middle of the room. "Great! Floor's yours, Blaine," he said, taking a seat in the front as Blaine got up. Kurt looked at him with interest. He'd had no idea Blaine had been working on a song.
"Great, just what the world needs, another Benny solo," muttered Carson from beside him.
"This song is for anyone who's ever been cheated on," declared Blaine as the band started to play, throwing a hard stare Kurt's way. Kurt felt Carson's grip on his hand getting slightly tighter and his own face growing red.
"This is insane. I did not cheat on you!" he exclaimed, his heart thudding as he realized what song the band was playing. Surely Blaine wasn't going to humiliate him like this in front of all his friends, right? Right?
Wrong. Blaine started earnestly singing "It's Not Right, But It's Ok," and Kurt just wanted to disappear as he felt everybody in the room putting the pieces together and staring at him in disbelief. Oh my god, Blaine, stop! This is embarrassing. I didn't even cheat on you, come on! I would never do this to YOU.
Kurt glanced over at Carson and instantly wished he hadn't, because his twin's face was practically a smoking volcano of rage. He was glaring at Blaine as if he would happily kill him where he stood, and nobody would be able to stop him. He caught Kurt's eye and let go of his hand, patting him gently on the back of it before setting his jaw and getting up from his seat. He marched right into the middle of the room where Blaine was performing and addressed the band. Oh god, Carson, please...don't make this any worse.
"Stop...STOP...STOP THE DAMN MUSIC!" Carson shouted, waving his arms at them. "Stop it for a minute. Thank you." He turned to Blaine and gave him a murderous look.
"Just what the hell do you think you're doing, you jackass?" he practically spat, his face red with anger.
"Carson," Kurt called weakly from his seat. "Carson, please...don't..."
"No, Kurt," said Carson, his eyes still focused on Blaine. "He's not going to get away with humiliating you like this. I've had enough."
"Sit down," ordered Blaine. "I'm not finished."
"Oh, I think you are, asshole," said Carson angrily. "Where the hell do you get off, singing that bullshit song and embarrassing Kurt like this? I really should kick your ass right here, and you know what? Not only are you an asshole, you're a hypocritical asshole. Kurt did not cheat on your ass. He didn't do anything that you yourself haven't fucking done before, but you know something? I almost wish he had cheated, because you don't deserve him. You never have and you never will. He's too good for you."
Kurt felt a very conflicting flurry of emotions swirling within him at Carson's speech. He really wanted Carson to stop, but at the same time it felt really good being defended so forcefully. The rest of the club was looking at Carson in awe, especially Santana, who was actually smiling.
"Carson, why don't you go take a break?" said Mr. Schue, getting up from his chair and placing a hand at Carson's back. Carson angrily shrugged it off and scoffed.
"Yeah, you know what? Good idea," he declared, shooting a killer look at Blaine. "I should go before I explode Hair Gel's guts all over the choir room." He stalked out of the room, and everybody sat in complete silence for several minutes, contemplating what had just happened. Kurt felt everyone's eyes on him, including Blaine's and Mr. Schue's, and he wished for the floor to just open and swallow him up. He was more embarrassed than he'd ever been, and in that moment he wasn't sure he even liked Blaine. He quietly got up from his seat, grabbed his bag, and held his head high, trying to at least act dignified as he walked out of the choir room, even if he didn't feel dignified at all.
"Carson?" he called into the almost empty hallway as he exited the room. He wandered down the hallway, heading instinctively for the journalism classroom. If he knew his twin like he thought he did, he was sure Carson had probably gone there to cool down.
He was right. He arrived at the classroom's open door to find Carson inside, seated at his usual desk with his face in his hands, his shoulders heaving up and down with deep breaths. Kurt settled his bag into a nearby chair and crossed the room, settling himself delicately into Carson's lap and wrapping his arms around his neck as Carson's hands automatically wrapped themselves around Kurt's waist.
"Thank you," Kurt said softly. "For standing up for me."
"I'm sorry if it embarrassed you more," said Carson. "I just...I couldn't just sit there and let him publicly humiliate you. He had no right."
Kurt nodded. "It's ok, Carsey. Really." He hugged Carson's neck tighter and just sat there, feeling the thud of Carson's heart against his own and the firm, protective grip of his hands around his waist. He almost wished they could stay there like that forever.
"Why do you stay with him?" asked Carson quietly, breaking the silence. Kurt sighed.
"I don't know," he answered truthfully, reaching one hand up to stroke Carson's hair. "It's complicated."
He really didn't know. He hated living with such a firestorm of complicated and conflicting feelings, but that was his life now. He loved Carson. Blaine might not have been perfect, but Kurt loved him, too. Or, at least, he thought he did. There were no clear answers. He had no idea who he was really aiming his rendition of "I Have Nothing" at the next day. He would be lying if he told himself it was entirely about Blaine, because it wasn't. Some of the lyrics made him think of Carson and only Carson.
Things weren't quite the same with Blaine after Whitney Week, even though they had talked through their problems with Ms. Pillsbury. Blaine had confessed that he'd been acting cold and distant because he didn't want Kurt to leave for New York next year and had been practicing for when he was alone. Kurt had apologized for talking so much about leaving, and they'd hugged it out, everything seemingly forgotten. But to Kurt, making up with Blaine didn't exactly feel like a relief. It felt more like reattaching the chain around his ankle, which was attached to the iron ball that was Blaine. He hated that he felt that way, but he couldn't help it, no matter how much he tried to squash the feeling. He didn't want to think about the fact that, like it or not, he really didn't want to be with Blaine anymore. And that doing something about it wouldn't be easy.
He didn't want to think about that, so he didn't. He threw himself headfirst into preparing for his NYADA audition, which was swiftly approaching and would be happening within days. He had settled on "Music of the Night" from The Phantom of the Opera, but he really wasn't sure that he was making the right choice. It felt too safe and boring, and he worried that the NYADA recruiter wouldn't be too terribly impressed. They probably heard that song from prospective students all the time.
"I don't know," he said to Blaine one day after rehearsing the song in the school auditorium. "My entire future is riding on this audition. It has to be perfect."
"Kurt," said Carson from his seat one space removed from Blaine, "It will be perfect. Did you hear yourself? You were born to sing that song."
"What if I sequined my cape? Or if I sang it in German? Or if I did it in the nude?" mused Kurt, toying absentmindedly with his Phantom mask.
"What?" said Blaine. Carson glared at him.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, hobbit," he practically growled. Things between Carson and Blaine hadn't gotten any better since Whitney Week, either. "If you have so much as a thought of him naked in your mind right now, I will rip your brain out through your nose."
"Oh? And how do you plan to enforce that, Control Freak? I can think what I want. My mind is my own," retorted Blaine.
"Guys, come on," said Kurt pleadingly, wishing that both boys didn't always insist on sitting in on his practices. Sometimes he thought he'd be better off if he and Tina just practiced without an audience. "Please, can we all be civil? I'm seriously having a problem here. I've always been ahead of the curve, and my audition needs to show that. And right now, it's too safe. It's too predictable. It's boring. I'm bored!"
"I think you're overthinking it," said Blaine.
"You know what? No, I think Kurt is right," said Carson. "You're right, Kurt. I love the song and you sing it beautifully, but maybe you should start thinking outside the box. Give them something they've never seen before. Something that will make you stand out."
"Excuse me," interrupted Tina. "My foot fell asleep. I can't feel it at all. Can I go walk it off?"
"Yeah, sure," Kurt said, waving her away. "Just don't go too far. And thanks." Tina smiled and scurried off the stage, looking only too happy to be going. "Alright, I'm starting from scratch. Carson, you're right. I need something fresh. I need something edgy. Something completely unpredictable." He looked around the stage thoughtfully. "Or maybe I just need more candles."
"Oh, god, no," said Blaine. "No more candles."
"Why? Are you flammable or something?" asked Carson. "Not that I would be surprised, considering the six hundred pounds of hair gel you use on a daily basis. I'm shocked your hair hasn't burst into flames just from being in this room. Does your family own stock in the hair gel factory or something?"
Kurt sighed. He would seriously have to start rehearsing alone. But, first things first. He needed an unpredictable, edgy number to impress the NYADA recruiter, and he needed it yesterday. He invited Blaine to come over that very afternoon so that they could pore over Kurt's sheet music collection and hopefully find something that would guarantee him a spot at that school.
"Um, where are you going?" Carson asked from the living room couch as Kurt started to lead Blaine upstairs. Kurt hadn't expected him to be home so early. Maybe it wasn't one of Grandma's better days.
"Upstairs," replied Kurt.
"Why?" asked Carson, looking from him to Blaine suspiciously.
"Because I keep all my sheet music in the bedroom, Carsey, and he's going to help me pick out an audition song," Kurt answered truthfully. "We promise, no shenanigans. Scout's honor." He heard Blaine scoff beside him and ignored it. Carson narrowed his eyes in Blaine's direction.
"Fine. But just you know, Beyonce, I'm going to go sit in the kitchen. Right next to the very sharp knives," replied Carson. Kurt stifled a giggle and Blaine rolled his eyes.
"Noted," muttered Blaine under his breath as Kurt grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs. "Freaking noted."
"Ok," said Kurt as they entered the bedroom. Blaine sat on the bed while Kurt rooted around under it for the box in which he kept his ever-growing collection of sheet music. "Remember, we need something fresh and completely different from anything NYADA has seen before."
"Right," said Blaine in a bored voice as he started looking through the music in the box. "What about something from Rent?"
"Nah," Kurt said, shaking his head. "I bet that's pretty overdone, too."
"Sweeney Todd?"
"Not sure I'm really feeling that, and it wouldn't show off my range enough," said Kurt.
Blaine sighed and picked up a sheet at random from the box. "What about this?"
Kurt looked at it. "Not The Boy Next Door?" Oh my god...maybe...maybe this is it!" he exclaimed excitedly. Yes...yes, this could be the very thing he was looking for. He doubted that any prospective NYADA student had ever braved a pair of gold lamé pants for their audition before. And it would provide him with plenty of opportunity to show off both his voice and his dancing. He took the sheet music from Blaine and caressed it as if it were his personal Holy Grail.
"Blaine," he whispered, "This...this is it. This is totally it! I need to do this for my audition! It's perfect!"
Blaine grinned. "Great! It's everything you're looking for. It's edgy, it's fresh, I bet no one has ever seen it before."
Kurt grinned. "I know. Oh, I'm so excited!"
"Me too, sweetheart," said Blaine, leaning in for a kiss. "I know you'll kill it."
"Thank you," said Kurt, allowing Blaine to move his lips down to his jawline and start sucking. "Mmm...Blaine...as nice as this is, we can't really..." His words were cut off by Blaine's lips back on his as his boyfriend crowded his space and started guiding him to lay down. "Mmmph...Blaine.."
"But you're so hot," Blaine protested quietly, stroking Kurt's arm with one hand while holding the other to his chest to keep him pinned down. "And it's been awhile."
"Blaine!" Kurt whispered in a panic. "We can't do anything, ok? Carson is right downstairs!"
"We'll shut the door. He'll never even know," Blaine insisted. "We don't even have to get undressed. I can be quiet, and you can...um...keep your mouth occupied," he said, giving Kurt a hopeful smile. Kurt gasped and shook his head vigorously. There was no way he was going to do that with Carson right downstairs. No freaking way.
"Blaine, no. I will not blow you in this room, especially not with my brother right downstairs!" he admonished him, tying to push Blaine off of him so he could sit up.
"Come oooon," Blaine pleaded.
"Blaine, no! Let me up!"
Blaine sighed. "God, Kurt, who cares if he's downstairs? We'll be quiet! He'll never even know. Just...come on."
"Blaine, no...stop," Kurt insisted, pushing harder at Blaine's shoulders. "Not here. Get off of me...BLAINE!" he almost shrieked as Blaine grabbed his hand and guided it toward the front of his pants.
"Feel that, Kurt? That's for you," said Blaine, holding tight to Kurt's struggling hand. "Just a really quick blowjob. Please?"
"No!"
"Please?"
"Blaine, I SAID NO!" Kurt shouted, really panicking now. "Let me up! LET ME UP!"
Blaine sighed and got up off of him, sitting upright again on the bed. Kurt sat up and was about to ask him what the hell he'd been thinking when Carson suddenly marched right into the room, his face full of rage. He ignored Blaine completely, grabbing Kurt firmly but gently by the arm and pulling him up, leading him out into the hallway without a word.
"Carson, what...it wasn't.." Kurt babbled, his brain still trying to process what was happening here. Carson backed him up against the wall outside the bedroom and pinned him there, his hands firmly on either side of Kurt's shoulders as he crowded into him and stared him straight in the eyes.
"Make. Him. Leave," Carson growled, his eyes dark with anger.
"What? I.." Kurt started to protest. Carson's hands traveled down to Kurt's waist and grabbed him, pushing slightly until the slight bit of space between Kurt's back and the wall was closed, and their bodies were practically pressed up against each other. Carson was so close that Kurt could feel the heat radiating off of him.
"You're just going to take that?" Carson asked, his eyes glinting as they stared into Kurt's. "You're really going to sit there and let him treat you like that? Let him try to force himself on you, like you're just a piece of meat to him?"
Kurt tried to catch his breath, which wasn't easy, considering how extremely turned on and slightly frightened he was by what he was experiencing at the moment. "Carson, I-"
Carson shook his head, his grip on Kurt's waist getting tighter. "No, Kurt. No. Make him leave. Now. Make him leave, or I will make him leave, and I promise you, it will be very ugly."
Kurt sucked in a breath as he stared into Carson's eyes. There was a forcefulness there that he'd never seen directed at him before. He was still gripping him by the waist and pinning him against the wall, and it was hot, so hot, and he was having a very hard time breathing. He felt rather than saw Blaine come out of the bedroom, since his eyes never actually strayed away from Carson's.
"B-blaine," he managed to stammer out, his gaze locked firmly on his twin. "I...I think you should go." Oh god, please go, I seriously think he will kill you if you don't.
Blaine scoffed. "Of course. Why the hell am I not surprised?" He strode right past them and down the stairs. Kurt heard the front door open and close, and Carson still hadn't moved, but his hands had. They had regretfully left Kurt's waist and were now resting on the wall on either side of him, still pinning him in place but not touching him directly anymore. His body was leaning in closer, and eventually they really were pressed up against each other, Carson's chest directly against Kurt's and...oh god...their groins touching as they stared at each other, breathing heavily. Kurt was drowning in feelings he had no idea what to do with, and something snapped inside of him as his instinct took over. He made to wrap one leg around Carson's waist, but Carson had other ideas. He placed his hands back on Kurt's waist, guiding him backwards toward the open bedroom door.
Oh my god, oh god...thought Kurt frantically. He felt his dick hardening in his pants as the back of his legs hit the bed and he fell backwards onto it with a small squeak of mattress springs. Carson was leaning over him, one hand on either side of Kurt's arms, and their eyes stayed entirely focused on each other. Kurt bit his lip, wanting so badly to have control over his actions right now, but knowing it was useless. His head was full of visions of everything that could possibly be happening on that bed within a few minutes, and he was just about to spread his legs in invitation when Carson seemed to snap back into himself. He stood up, his eyes taking in Kurt sprawled on the bed, and he started forcefully shaking his head.
"No, I...I...I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry." He turned and rushed out of the room, leaving Kurt still on the bed, alone and trying to regain his normal breathing and heart rate. He wasn't being very successful. It was all so much, too much. His brain was swimming and his dick was straining against his pants, and he simply couldn't handle all the emotions flooding him at once. Without even thinking about what he was doing, he hurriedly unzipped his pants and pulled himself out, not caring that the door was still open, or how filthy it felt when he spit into his hand. He stroked earnestly, his eyes closed as he imagined Carson above him, all around him, moving inside of him. It was weird, he'd never bottomed with Blaine, never. He'd always been too afraid to surrender that control to him, not after what had happened at Scandals, but with Carson...Kurt could easily imagine giving himself to him completely.
He continued working himself over, his fantasy of Carson making love to him completely taking over his senses, and he was completely unprepared for the way his orgasm slammed into him, the sheer intensity almost making him pass out. He moaned loudly, Carson's name dancing on his lips, but not exactly leaving them, as he pumped himself through it. He collapsed in an exhausted heap as the waves of pleasure subsided, his breathing slowly returning to normal as he recovered from his orgasm.
Outside in the hallway, he heard Carson doing the same.
Carson had absolutely no idea how to be around Kurt for the next few days. He was still trying to process what had happened when Blaine came over. It was like something had completely taken over Carson's body. All he was trying to do was rescue Kurt from Blaine and force him to stand up for himself, but somehow things had gotten completely out of control after Blaine had left. They'd ended up in the bedroom, and Carson had been leaning over Kurt on the bed. He'd been so ready to kiss him, or even do more, but fortunately he had stopped himself before it could come to that. He wasn't emotionally ready for that. And the way Kurt had been looking at him...like he was expecting something to happen...like he wanted something to happen. It was almost like Santana had been right all along.
It was that thought that made Carson leave the room, but he hadn't gone far. He'd only stepped out into the hallway and pressed himself up against the wall, trying to regain his breathing. And then he had heard Kurt. Heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down. Heard his heavy breathing and his moans and his incoherent muttering. And Carson hadn't been able to stop himself from reaching into his own pants. He only hoped that Kurt hadn't realized he was there.
Now he wasn't sure how to act around Kurt. He wanted to talk about what happened. He needed to talk to Kurt about what happened, but he just couldn't bring himself to. He wouldn't even know how to bring it up if he tried, so he didn't. It was much easier just to try to pretend that it hadn't happened at all. Not that he'd seen much of Kurt the past few days, anyway. His twin hadn't hung out with him very much (or, as far as Carson knew, with Blaine) since that day. He had been engrossed with rehearsing for his NYADA audition and had requested time to practice without an audience. Carson was secretly relieved. Since he really only saw Kurt at bedtime lately, it was easy to put recent events out of his mind. Sort of.
Now it was the day of Kurt's audition, and Carson was about to head into the auditorium to watch. He was nervous as hell, probably even more nervous than Kurt himself. This was the big moment. Kurt's future hinged on this audition. Carson had no doubt that he would blow whatever song he had chosen out of the water, but he really hoped that this wouldn't turn out like all the other times that people had failed to recognize his talent.
He entered the auditorium to find Mr. Schue and Blaine already sitting in their seats, waiting for Kurt to go on. A stern looking woman sat in Mr. Schue's usual seat, looking thoroughly unimpressed with her surroundings. Carson gulped. He hoped she was smart and could recognize greatness when she saw it. He took a seat in the row behind Blaine and folded his hands nervously in his lap.
You can do it, Kurtsie. I love you. I believe in you. You deserve this.
"Kurt Hummel," the stern woman barked. Kurt came out onto the stage, looking slightly nervous in his Phantom of the Opera costume. Carson frowned. Maybe he'd decided to go with "Music of the Night" after all.
"Hello," he said. "I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be performing "Music of the Night," from the seminal Phantom of the Opera by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber...which I bet you hear a lot of. That song."
Carson sat up with interest. What are you doing, Kurtsie?
"That, "The Impossible Dream" from La Mancha, and "Being Alive" from Company, yes," the woman replied in a bored voice.
Kurt nodded. "It's a safe and standard choice, which is why I've decided to change things up a bit." He whipped off his Phantom mask and smiled nervously. "Here, in the eleventh hour, I've decided to go in a different direction. Something that's a little more out there, but much more me. "Not The Boy Next Door," from the Peter Allen bio-musical The Boy From Oz."
Carson sat up even straighter. He wasn't familiar with that song, having never heard Kurt sing that particular one before, and he was very intrigued to see where this was going. Kurt took off his cape and handed it to Rachel off-stage. "Ladies?" he said as Tina, Mercedes, and Brittany entered from the opposite side of the stage. "I had my swans on stand-by," he joked with the woman, who remained stoic and unmoved. Music started to play and Kurt began to sing. Carson smiled and watched him move across the stage, trying to send all the positive vibes he could in his twin's direction.
And then everything changed.
Kurt ripped off his Phantom suit to reveal a second outfit underneath, consisting of a black shirt and...well, what could really only be described as painted-on pants. They were shiny and gold, reflecting the stage lights in an almost blinding fashion, and they were so tight that Kurt might as well have been naked from the waist down. If Carson didn't know any better, he would have thought Kurt had dipped his legs in liquid gold. His ass and his dick were pretty much on full display, and Carson's dick was extremely interested.
Oh...my...FUCKING HELL...oh dear god, Kurt, are you trying to kill me? Why would you wear...what...I don't understand...HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THOSE PANTS, I just...I...I can't...oh god you're really going to have to stop rolling your hips like that, because...shit. Shit shit sit.
Carson couldn't even gather together the brain cells necessary to care that he was sitting in the middle of the school auditorium with a raging erection. He was too mesmerized by Kurt's performance as his twin danced around the stage like a big pile of sex. He said a silent prayer of thanks that he was sitting behind everyone and therefore could just casually slip his bag in his lap. He didn't even try to get his dick to go down. Hell, he couldn't even concentrate on the performance toward the end. He was much too busy entertaining thoughts of running his tongue over Kurt in those pants, and-
The song ended and everyone was silent as they waited for Stern Woman's reaction. She didn't say anything for a minute, and Carson took the opportunity to think of every gross thing he could come up with in order to get his erection under control.
"You know," she said finally, "Hugh Jackman won a Tony Award for playing Peter Allen." Kurt nodded vigorously in agreement, his eyes wide as saucers as he waited for the verdict.
"Hugh trained with me the summer I was in residence at the Sydney Opera House," the woman continued. "And I'm certain that he would have been...as impressed with what you did with that song as I am. A bold choice, young man. I congratulate you for taking such a risk today."
Carson felt himself smiling like a complete fool as she finished talking, and up on the stage, Kurt was doing the same. "Thank you!" Kurt squealed in excitement. "Thank you," he said again to the three girls on stage. He skipped adorably offstage, and Carson breathed a huge sigh of relief. His dick had gone down, and it looked like Kurt had nailed that audition and was well on his way to NYADA.
I'm so proud of you, Kurtsie, he thought happily. So, so proud.
Kurt spent the next few days following his audition mostly doing a lot of thinking, and not about NYADA or New York. He was thinking about his relationship with Blaine. Specifically, he was thinking about how much he really didn't want it to be a relationship anymore. At least, not a romantic one. He had spent a lot of time alone, without either Carson or Blaine around, in order to gather his thoughts and turn them over and over in his mind, examining the situation from every angle.
On one hand, he really did have feelings for Blaine. They may not have been as strong as they once were, but they existed. That he couldn't deny. On the other hand, he also had feelings for Carson. He couldn't deny that, either. He also couldn't deny that the feelings he had for Carson were much stronger...had been steadily becoming more strong every day...than the ones he had for Blaine. Simply put, he had finally come to the point where he had to admit to himself that he loved Carson more than Blaine. And he wanted to be with him.
And then there was the fact that he sometimes got the impression that his feelings and security came second in Blaine's eyes. Like the fact that Blaine tended to get sullen and dismissive whenever the subject of NYADA and Kurt's future came up. Or the fact that Blaine seemed to have an innate inability to listen when Kurt said no, as evidenced by what had happened in the bedroom that fateful day. It always seemed to be about what Blaine wanted and needed, and Kurt's wants and needs were constantly being put on the back burner. It was never like that with Carson, and it never had been. They always shared in each other's joy and disappointments equally. Kurt knew that Carson would move heaven and earth to make him happy, and Kurt wouldn't ever hesitate to do the same for him. If that wasn't love, well...what was?
The last straw for Kurt happened a few days before prom. He and Blaine and Rachel were having an impromptu meeting in the auditorium (mostly to comfort Rachel on having choked on her NYADA audition), and the subject of prom came up. Kurt had been thinking about it, and he really didn't want to go. Not after what happened last year. Every time he thought about the possibility of being nominated for prom queen and utterly humiliated a second time, he broke out in a cold sweat. He mentioned this to Rachel and Blaine, and Blaine had seemed far more concerned with the fact that Brittany, as student body president, had banned the use of hair gel at the prom. Kurt didn't want to feel like he was being selfish or anything, but he had kind of expected just a little bit of understanding from his boyfriend, who, after all, had been there last year when Kurt was humiliated in front of the entire school and had seen how much it devastated him. Carson had completely understood when Kurt had explained why he didn't want to go.
"I don't blame you, Kurtsie," he'd said. "I don't want to go either, but unfortunately it's a new rule this year that all student council members are required to be there. Whatever, though. I'm just going to spend the whole time sticking Post-It notes on people's backs."
So Kurt had taken one more night to think it over. And as he lay awake into the wee hours of the morning, basking in the feeling of Carson's arms around him and of being completely safe, loved, and wanted, he came to a decision. He was going to have to end things with Blaine. The sooner, the better. Sure, it wouldn't be easy. And it would probably take him an even longer time to work up the courage to tell Carson how he felt. But it would be a baby step in the right direction. A way of hopefully starting his future on the right note.
"Blaine?" he said to his boyfriend the following afternoon as glee club let out and everyone filed out of the choir room, leaving them alone. Carson, thankfully, had skipped glee to get the latest edition of the Muckraker ready for publication. "Can, um...can we talk?"
Blaine looked at him curiously and sat back down. "Sure. What's up?"
Kurt took a deep breath and sat down beside him, turning to face him. His stomach was in knots and he felt like he was going to throw up at any second, but he knew this had to be done. "I, um...well, this isn't exactly going to be easy to say."
"Kurt, what is it?" Blaine asked, sounding slightly worried. "Just say it. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."
Kurt locked eyes with him and tried to get his stomach under control. "Well...it's really hard for me to say this, and I...I just...I don't know of any other way to do it but just to...to do it." He heaved one more deep breath and took Blaine's hand in his. "Blaine, you know that I...that I care for you. Right?"
Blaine nodded. "Of course. I care for you, too."
"Right," said Kurt, wishing there was an easier way to do this, preferably one that didn't involve them being in the same room. "Well, see, the thing is...I...I care for you, but I...I don't...I don't think that I..."
"Kurt?" asked Blaine, suspicion creeping into his voice.
"Look, Blaine, what we have...us...it's just...it's not working anymore," said Kurt, feeling awful as he said it, but knowing it was for the best. "At least, it's not working for me."
Blaine frowned. "Kurt, what are you saying?"
Kurt looked him in the eyes and tried to be as gentle as possible. "Blaine, I don't think we should be boyfriends anymore."
Blaine looked taken aback, his face forming a slight frown as his brown eyes locked on Kurt's. "Kurt...Kurt, no. You don't mean that."
"I'm really sorry," said Kurt, squeezing his hand. "I am, I just...Blaine, I can't do this anymore. It just doesn't feel right. We don't feel right. I don't feel like you really understand me or...or care..."
"How can it not feel right?" asked Blaine, his eyes filling with tears. "We're soulmates, Kurt. You...you can't just break up with me like this. You can't. I love you! I...I can't survive without you."
"Oh, honey," said Kurt, patting him gently on the shoulder. "You will. I promise. You'll find someone else. Someone who will love you just as much as you love them."
"No, Kurt, you don't understand," said Blaine, full-on crying now, which was only making Kurt feel worse. "You're the love of my life. You can't just abandon me, not after all I gave up for you. I left my school, my friends, everything...it was all for you. You can't do this!"
"Blaine, I didn't force you to do that. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be," Kurt pleaded. "I'm sorry, but I can't continue with this...this relationship...when I don't feel the same way I did before. It's not fair to either of us."
"But why?" Blaine whined, grabbing at Kurt's forearms desperately. "Kurt, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend. I...I can change. I'll be better, just please don't leave me. You can't!"
"I have to," Kurt insisted, trying not to cry himself. "You may not realize it now, but it's for the best." He tried to gently shrug his arms free from Blaine, but Blaine only tightened his grip and pulled him forward.
"Kurt, no," he said through his sniffles. "You can't do this. I...you mean too much to me. I won't let you go." His grip was so tight now that his nails were practically digging into Kurt's skin.
"Blaine, you're hurting me," he said. "Let go."
"I love you, Kurt."
"Blaine, please let go," Kurt insisted.
"Not until you promise not to leave me," said Blaine. "This isn't fair, you were supposed to be mine. Not anyone else's. Mine."
Kurt shook his head. "Blaine, I can't promise you that. This isn't easy for me, either, honey, but it has to be done. I can't be with you anymore."
Blaine looked at him for a long minute before he loosened his grip on Kurt's arms, but didn't entirely let go of them. "Kurt, I'm begging you, here. You can't leave me. I won't...I won't let you." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I love you. I love you so much. Why won't you give me just one more chance?" he pleaded. "I promise, Kurt, I'll be so good for you. I'll be the best boyfriend ever, just...just please. I'll be all alone if you leave me. I don't have anyone else. You're all I have." Kurt felt a surge of guilt coasting through his stomach at Blaine's words, especially combined with the way his boyfriend's eyes were practically drooping like a lost puppy's. "It's going to be hard enough losing you to NYADA, I can't survive if you abandon me this way on top of it." He sniffed and choked back his sobs, and Kurt felt absolutely terrible.
"Blaine, I..." he began, not sure what to say. He felt like the world's most horrible person right now, like he was kicking a sick baby. Blaine threw his arms around him and hugged him tight, so tight that Kurt was having a hard time breathing.
"Kurt, I love you, and I will do anything it takes to keep you," Blaine said through sobs. "Literally, anything. I'll die before I'll let anyone else have you. Please just give me one more chance?"
Kurt sighed as he hugged him back, knowing even as his arms made to wrap around Blaine that this whole breakup idea had just blown up in his face. Clearly, he wasn't meant to ever be truly happy. He couldn't go through with hurting Blaine like this. He would feel guilty forever if he did.
"…..Ok," he said dejectedly as he patted Blaine gingerly on the back. "I'm sorry. Ok."
When am I ever going to get to do what feels right for me?
Prom, Carson decided as he leaned up against the gym wall and sighed in boredom, was a complete and utter waste of everybody's time. He couldn't wait for this night to be over with. He didn't even want to be at prom in the first place, but unfortunately, since he was on student council, he was required to be there. It was a new rule this year. He would rather have been literally anywhere else, especially since it was entirely his fault that prom was being held in the school gym and not the local banquet hall, as had been the council's original plan. He had sort of pissed off Coach Sylvester during a meeting between her, Figgins, the student council members, and the superintendant several months ago, and off-campus privileges had been revoked for everybody for the rest of the year because of it. He was surprised he hadn't been buried alive by his fellow council members.
He didn't even have Kurt to distract him from his utter boredom. He, Blaine, and Rachel had organized what they were calling an "Anti-Prom" party at Lima's best hotel, and were hanging out there instead of at the prom. Carson tried very, very hard not to think about the fact that his precious Kurt and the fucking hobbit were going to be spending most of the night in a hotel room together. Even if Rachel and Puck, plus that Becky chick from the Cheerios were there, he didn't trust Blaine not to get all handsy and start trying shit with Kurt.
I swear to god, the next time he tries anything, any fucking thing, I'm not going to hold myself back. I'm done with that bullshit. He hurts Kurt, he loses his dick.
He kicked his feet lazily against the wall and wondered if anyone would miss him if he snuck out of the bathroom window. He was seriously considering it when he happened to glance toward the gym entrance and saw Finn entering with Rachel, and, behind, them, Kurt and Blaine. Carson's face lit up at the sight of Kurt and he practically knocked down several students in his hurry to greet his twin.
"Kurt!" he exclaimed happily as he approached them, throwing his arms around his brother. "You came!"
"Yeah," said Kurt, hugging him back. "Finn convinced us."
"I'm so glad you guys came," said Brittany, walking up behind them.
"Better late than never, right?" said Finn.
"Come on, let's dance," said Rachel, dragging Finn away as some of the glee boys started singing some boy band-ish song up on the stage.
"No, no, Blaine," said Brittany, "I said no hair gel, remember? I can totally smell it!"
Carson grinned at him, nodding in agreement as Santana dragged Brittany away to dance. "You heard the woman, Buckley. Hair gel is strictly forbidden at this prom. Think of the dinosaurs."
Blaine glared at him. Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's shoulder and patted it gently. "You can do this," he said. Blaine sighed and shuffled off in the direction of the bathroom.
"Oh my god, remind me to get my camera out when he comes out of there," said Carson gleefully. He grabbed Kurt by the hand and began leading him over to the dance floor. "Come on, Kurtsie. Let's dance!" Kurt grinned and nodded, letting Carson lead him. Carson felt just a little bit stupid dancing to a fast song like that, but he didn't care. He was at his senior prom (against his will, but whatever), and he was dancing with the most beautiful boy in the world. Who cared if Blaine was still a toxic mold on the rest of his life? He was going to seize the brief, happy moments that he was able to.
And it was all too brief. Blaine eventually emerged from the bathroom, every last bit of hair gel eradicated from his hair, and walked up to them. Carson had to really fight to keep from laughing hysterically, because he looked absolutely ridiculous.
"Oh my dear god," said Kurt, his hand flying up to his mouth.
"Oh my god," said Carson, biting his lip to keep from giggling. "Please tell me there's a family of birds in there. I'd hate for such a huge, bushy nest to go to complete waste."
"Don't make fun of the new kid with the bad fro," said Brittany as she came up to them. "It's hair bullying."
"That's not a new kid," replied Kurt. "That's Blaine without hair gel."
"Is it really that bad?" asked Blaine, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. Carson nodded.
"It's terrible," he said with a cheeky grin. "Absolutely terrible."
"Yeah, you're Mr. Broccoli Head," said Brittany.
"It's not that bad," said Kurt, clearly trying to be comforting.
"Yeah, it is. It's really bad," said Brittany. "You were right. I abused my power as president. But, to help save the prom, and to keep people from turning to stone when they look at you, I'll give you special permission to wear hair gel immediately."
"Aw, come on," Carson protested. "Not fair. Rules are rules, Brittany. I say he shouldn't be allowed to wear it."
Blaine gave him a look that would have cracked glass if there had been any in the vicinity, as Figgins took to the stage to begin the proceedings for crowning the prom king and queen.
"Come on, Boy Hummel," said Brittany, grabbing Carson by the arm and dragging him over toward the stage. "Student council has to stand up front while the nominees are announced." Carson sighed and allowed himself to be dragged. He really couldn't wait for prom to just be over already. He fidgeted impatiently as Figgins read off the list of nominees for king and queen, feeling absolutely terrible for Kurt when his twin was called up on stage to help crown the new winners. He looked really embarrassed, and Carson knew he was probably reliving the memory of what happened last year.
It's ok, Kurtsie. Only a little over a month and you'll be free of this place.
After Finn and Rachel had been crowned prom queen and king (to Carson's utter amusement and horror), Quinn and Santana took the stage and began singing a pretty decent rendition of "Take My Breath Away" as the various couples in the gym began slowly swaying to the music. Carson sighed, returning to his spot against the wall by himself as he watched Kurt and Blaine dancing, Blaine looking like the cat that got the cream and Kurt looking slightly forlorn but still happy. Carson would have given anything to be Blaine right then, holding Kurt in his arms as the music played and the tacky decorations glittered in the dim light. He wondered what would happen if he walked up and asked to cut in.
What's stopping you? Come on, Carson. Carpe diem. You know he's got to feel SOMETHING for you, so...what's stopping you from at least having a little bit of happiness? It's just one night. Bingo will have him for a long time, apparently, but you have to take the moments you can get. Go on. Cut in.
Before he could stop himself, he strode across the gym, reaching Kurt and Blaine and steeling up his courage as he cleared his throat.
"So sorry to interrupt," he said, pasting a smile on his face, "But does anyone mind if I cut in?"
Blaine gave him a look of disbelief, while Kurt's eyes widened in surprise.
"I do mind," said Blaine, at the same time as Kurt said "I don't mind." Blaine gave Kurt an odd look and rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
"Whatever," he said. "I'm going to put my hair gel back in. I'll be back in a few minutes to dance with you, Kurt," he added, giving Carson a pointed look. Carson watched him go and then turned back to Kurt.
"Shall we?" he said, smiling and holding his hand out to him. Kurt smiled and took it, placing his other hand on Carson's shoulder.
"I'd be honored," he said, resting his head on Carson's other shoulder as they began swaying to Quinn and Santana's song. Carson swallowed and tried to just enjoy the feel of Kurt's body pressed against his. Right now, in this moment, no matter what happened in the future, he was holding the boy he loved more than anything in the whole world in his arms. The boy he sort of suspected just might return that feeling. Not that he dared to seriously hope for that or anything. Nope.
Not at all. He wasn't that lucky.