Kurt wasn't sure exactly how long he stood there, taking in the horrifying sight in front of him. Carson was out cold, his pale, naked flesh contrasting starkly with the dark colored sheets. He had one arm slung lazily over an equally naked Santana, who had her back to Carson, and Kurt was thankful that Carson's arm was covering the important bits and at least he wasn't being subjected to the sight of naked breasts on top of everything else he was dealing with right now.

"God, please don't let this be what it looks like," he said under his breath, feeling stupid even as he said it, because there was absolutely no way in hell that it was anything but exactly what it looked like. He was too shocked even to cry as he slowly walked over to Carson's side of the bed and gazed down on his sleeping twin's face. Carson looked positively wrecked, like he'd been worn out to his absolute limit. Kurt longed to be the person laying beside him instead of the girl he was narrowing his eyes at in jealousy.

Santana must have done a fucking number on him, he thought bitterly, momentarily forgetting that he, himself, had been having quite the sexual adventure of his own with someone else last night and therefore had no cause to complain about what had clearly gone down in the bed he was currently staring down at.

It shouldn't have hurt, but it did.

He must have been standing there longer than he's realized, because the next thing he knew, Carson was opening his eyes slowly as beams of sunlight hit him in the face.

"Turn the light off," he muttered sleepily as he turned his head to face Kurt, wincing in pain and slinging one arm over his eyes. "My fucking head's pounding."

Kurt just looked at him, unable to form words. He had so much to say, and yet he had no idea how to say it now. So many questions that he just couldn't ask. Especially when he knew damn well that Carson had watched him downstairs last night. What was he supposed to say? How the hell could he even begin to explain it?

Carson opened his eyes further as Kurt instinctively moved in front of the window to block the rays of sunlight from hitting his face. He said nothing for a while and looked tiredly at Kurt, his eyes raking over him from head to toe and looking far away and sad as they took in his appearance.

"Did you sleep with him?" he said at last, his voice small but assured sounding. The voice of someone who already knew the answer to the question and only asking as a formality. Of course he knew, Kurt thought as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room. His hair was a wreck, his shirt was only halfway buttoned, and he was wearing Sebastian's jeans instead of his own. Any idiot would be able to tell that he'd slept with Sebastian last night. He sighed, closing his eyes and feeling guiltier than he ever remembered feeling before in his entire life.

Carson nodded, apparently not needing any more confirmation than that. "Right," he said quietly, gazing off into space somewhere to Kurt's left but not meeting his eyes. "Well. Guess that's that, then."

"That's what?" asked Kurt, confused.

"That's that," Carson repeated, sounding strangely nonchalant as he rubbed his forehead with one hand. "We know for sure now what we are to each other. We're fuck buddies. No more, no less."

Considering his mixed feelings ever since his beyond brotherly relationship with Carson had started, Kurt thought he should have been relieved to hear him say that. The opposite was true, however. He didn't know if it was the casual way Carson had said it, or the fact that he was saying it while laying next to a passed out, naked girl he'd obviously spent all night fucking (She doesn't even DESERVE him, the way she gives it up to everyone at school like it's nothing, he's worth more than that), but Kurt felt a surge of anger pass through him as he frowned at his twin.

"We're more than that, and you know it," he retorted, a little louder than he meant to, making his head throb in protest. "We're much more than that."

Carson raised an eyebrow at him, propping his head up on one hand. "Really? 'Cause from the looks of you, you had quite a nice time last night with someone else. Half of which, I might add, took place in full view of pretty much everyone we know," he said. "Can't wait to hear what's going to be said about you at school once the holidays are over. Should be a real treat. I wonder what Dad will say."

"Carson," Kurt began, letting the word out with a pained sigh.

"No, Kurt, it's fine," Carson insisted, interrupting him quickly. "Really. It's... it's fine. It's good to know where we stand. You know. With us, and everything. Fuck buddies only. Great. Got it. Noted. I can live with that."

"I was drunk, Carson," Kurt protested lamely, knowing exactly how weak that excuse sounded. Yes, he'd been drunk, but he should have had better control of his actions even so. There was no excuse for doing what he'd done without at least having an actual conversation with Carson about their relationship. Unfortunately, what was done was done, and there was no going back on it now.

"So was I," Carson said, biting his lip and shrugging. "And now I'm hung over as shit, so could you please just go away? My head is fucking throbbing," he complained, turning his head back to bury it in a pillow.

"Shut the fuck up," came Santana's muffled voice from her own pillow. "Trying to sleep, Jesus Christ."

"It's Kurt," Carson murmured, pulling her closer to him, which made Kurt clench his teeth and glare. "Wanted to have a heart to heart while I'm more hung over than... than... fuck it, I haven't got a good metaphor right now. Or is it a simile? Fuck that too, I can't be arsed to figure it out."

"Hmm?" said Santana, turning her head around and craning her neck over Carson to peek at Kurt. "Daaaamn, Phillips, the fuck happened to you?" she asked, turning herself fully around and looking at Kurt's disheveled appearance with wide eyes. "Did you rock Preppy's world, or was it the other way around?"

"Mind your own damn business, Santana," Kurt scowled, averting his eyes so that he didn't accidentally catch a glimpse of anything he didn't want to see. He wanted to reach over and throttle her for putting her nose where it didn't belong. Among other body parts.

"Don't snap at her," Carson admonished him.

"I'm a big girl, Carson, I can chew out my own haters," Santana said, swatting him lamely on the arm. "What crawled up your ass, Kurt?" she asked pleasantly. "Besides Andrew McCarthy and his Gossip Girl hairstyle, that is?"

"I said mind your own business, Santana," Kurt repeated, getting more and more irritated by the moment. "This is between me and my brother. It doesn't concern you."

"You know what, Santana? He's right," Carson said sweetly, interrupting Santana before she could open her mouth and probably give Kurt the verbal lashing of his life. "Stick to things that are your business. In fact, why don't you enlighten Kurt and tell him what a fucking awesome time we had last night after he started sucking dicks like they were free candy canes? Emphasis on the fucking part," he added.

"Aaaah, I see where you're going with this," Santana replied, smiling evilly. "We fucked, Kurt," she said, giving Kurt a sarcastic smile. "A lot."

"All night," added Carson.

"He tried pussy and he liked it," said Santana, and even if Kurt hadn't been able to see the smirk that was spreading across her face, he could have certainly heard it in her triumphant tone of voice.

"I did," said Carson. "I did like it. I quite liked it a lot, as a matter of fact. And I think I'm going to go try it again, because I'm about fifteen levels of done with this conversation. Ugh," he added, wincing in pain and rubbing his forehead tenderly. "I have to take care of this headache first, though. Fucking hell, I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

"There's some pills in the bathroom," Santana said with a yawn, waving her hand in the general direction of the bathroom.

"The bathroom," Carson repeated with a smile. "Great idea, let's go in there," he said, whipping the covers off the two of them before Kurt had time to even blink or shield his eyes from the sudden onslaught of nudity. Carson got out of bed, grabbing Santana's hand and a condom in the process and dragging her with him into the adjoining bathroom. He shut the door behind them, leaving Kurt alone in the bedroom with his mouth gaping open. He wasn't sure how to feel. He had expected Carson to be mad about what happened, but he hadn't expected... well... this.

There was silence for a moment in the bathroom, and then Kurt heard a crash and the unmistakable sound of Santana moaning and Carson grunting as a rhythmic banging noise shook the wall. Tears sprung to his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He was stronger than that. And didn't he sort of have this coming? Public display of sex for public display of sex?

Not that it made it any less painful.

He's just doing it to piss you off, he told himself, trying to ignore the sounds of sex coming from behind the bathroom door. And it's working. He felt angry and humiliated, both of which he knew he really shouldn't feel, but nevertheless, there they were. He couldn't even move his feet to get away from the incessant noise.

"Whoa, what's going on in there?" someone said behind him, and Kurt turned around to see Sebastian standing there, still completely naked and covering his mouth with his hand to stifle a yawn. "Someone's having a great fucking time."

A particularly loud moan from Carson made something snap inside of Kurt. He had no idea what came over him, but he had a sudden desire to show Carson that he couldn't be affected by this display of showmanship. He could one-up him, too. Two could play this game.

"It's my brother and a demon from the bowels of hell," he said, collecting himself and pulling Sebastian into a rough, desperate kiss.

"It sounds like Santana," said Sebastian when their lips parted from each other.

"Same thing," Kurt muttered. He grazed his lips over Sebastian's jawline, nipping a small bite into the skin as Sebastian shivered.

"This is giving me awesome flashbacks from last night," said Sebastian with a grin, his hands snaking behind Kurt to settle at his ass and squeeze it roughly. "I'd always thought you had a wild streak in you, but I wasn't really prepared for you to be quite such a tiger in bed. Pleasant surprise, that was."

"You up for round two?" asked Kurt seductively, reaching a hand between them to grasp at Sebastian's hardening dick. "Scratch that, you're definitely up for round two."

"More like round four, hon," Sebastian replied with a chuckle, backing him toward the bed. "Someone had boundless energy last night."

"Yeah, round four, five, six, whatever," Kurt murmured, feeling the back of his knees hit the bed. He fell back onto it and pulled Sebastian on top of him, his face leaning up so that his teeth could graze over the other boy's neck before biting gently at it.

"Anyone ever tell you you're a dangerous person in bed?" Sebastian asked with a moan.

"Shut up and fuck me," Kurt demanded, flopping back on the bed and offering himself up for the taking. "Let's give them a run for their money." Sebastian's eyes widened in appreciation and he smiled broadly down at him.

"Ah, a competition. Excellent. As you wish," he said. He caught Kurt's lips in a rough, dominant kiss, and Kurt opened his mouth to allow Sebastian's skilled tongue entrance, where it battled Kurt's for the upper hand and quickly won as Kurt felt himself straining against the front of his hastily borrowed jeans. Strong fists grabbed at the bottom of his shirt, and within seconds it had been pulled up and over Kurt's head and tossed aside. Kurt didn't even bother to complain about the rough way his clothes were being treated. He just reached down and undid his pants, helping Sebastian slide them down and off until they were finally both naked, grinding against each other as Sebastian claimed his mouth.

"Oh god," came Santana's voice from the bathroom, and a burst of competitiveness flowed through Kurt's body as he kissed Sebastian back hungrily. Warm hands roamed over his chest, skilled fingers trailing downward until they grasped at Kurt's erection and began to stroke gently but firmly. Kurt moaned loudly and thrust his hips desperately up into the touch, hoping Carson could hear him over his and Santana's own noise.

"Jesus, you are eager, aren't you?" said Sebastian, his voice dripping with lust. "Didn't get enough last night?" he asked, grinning as he continued to pump Kurt with his hand. Kurt shook his head vigorously.

"No. Skip the foreplay, I just want to be fucked," he moaned out.

"Turn around," Sebastian growled, not waiting for Kurt to comply before he physically turned him himself, his hand pressing into Kurt's back to keep him in place. Kurt felt a pillow being shoved under him and his ass being lifted in the air, presented to Sebastian like an offering.

"Don't have my lube on me," he heard the other boy muse.

"Check Carson's pants," Kurt murmured, pointing in the direction of the ground, where he could clearly see his twin's discarded jeans from the previous night. "He usually carries it."

There was silence for a second as Kurt could feel Sebastian hesitating. "Just do it!" he ordered, and Sebastian got up off the bed, picking up Carson's jeans and rooting through the pockets until he found the small, travel sized bottle of lube Kurt knew would be there. He settled himself back behind Kurt, and Kurt heard the bottle cap opening before he felt slick fingers circling his entrance.

"Don't think you'll need much prep," Sebastian quipped from behind him as he carefully inserted one finger. "Not to brag or anything, but I think I did a pretty good job destroying you last night. I'm kind of proud of my work, actually."

"You're so full of yourself," Kurt mumbled.

"You're going to be full of me too in about two minutes, Princess," Sebastian said, working his way up to two fingers and pressing expertly right on Kurt's prostate.

"FUCK!" Kurt shouted, and there was an unmistakable three seconds of silence from the bathroom before the banging and moaning resumed. Sebastian made quick work of prepping Kurt, finally pulling his fingers out and reaching out for one of the many condom packages that littered the bed. Just how many times did they fuck last night?

"I'd ask if you're ready for me, but you're practically drooling for it, so," Sebastian said cheekily, and strong hands gripped Kurt's waist as a slick, condom covered cock pressed at his entrance.

"You're such an assho- Oh my god," Kurt groaned, gasping as Sebastian sheathed himself fully inside of him with barely any consideration for going slow. "Oh god, yeah... fuck me," he panted, his moans escalating as Sebastian began thrusting, pulling Kurt onto his cock repeatedly with reckless abandon. Kurt felt so deliciously full, and he clawed desperately at the sheets in front of him as Sebastian pounded wildly into him, their moans and animalistic grunts competing with the ones coming from the bathroom. For several minutes, all that could be heard was the dueling sets of moans, along with the sound of skin slapping against skin as Sebastian occasionally slapped Kurt lightly on the ass.

"Ungh, Santana!"

"Fuck, so fucking tight, Kurt."

"Harder, Sebastian!"

"Fuck's sake, Phillips, hold me up, I'm gonna fall... ah...ah...fuuuck, go harder."

A long, loud moan from Santana indicated that she was the first of the four to come, her voice echoing throughout the room even as muffled as it was. Kurt thrust his ass back against Sebastian's relentless dick, reaching one hand underneath himself to pump his own erection until he came hard, stars exploding behind his eyes as he screamed out his pleasure. He felt Sebastian pulsate inside of him and come, the other boy grunting as he thrust through his orgasm and draped himself tightly over Kurt's back, his hands wrapped firmly around Kurt's torso. Both sets of moans subsided, and Kurt had a fleeting moment of panic as the "What the fuck did I just do?" feeling washed over him. It went away as soon as Sebastian pulled out and turned him around, capturing his lips in a kiss that came complete with a small bite to the bottom lip.

"You are, by far, the best fuck I've ever had," he said with an air of awe in his voice. "And you should absolutely take that as a compliment."

Kurt flopped back onto the bed, exhausted and too weak to bat Sebastian's hand away as the other boy trailed his fingers along his sensitive length.

"Did we win?" asked Sebastian in a hushed voice that was clearly intended only for Kurt to hear. "Is the lover's spat over?"

Kurt closed his eyes, biting his lip to keep any emotional outbursts at bay. "I have to go," he said, getting up and gathering his discarded shirt and pants before hurrying out of the room.

Carson honestly had no idea how the hell it had come to this, he and Santana having desperate, wild sex up against her bathroom sink while Kurt and Sebastian had equally loud sex just outside. It was surreal, really. This was the first actual, honest to fuck fight he and Kurt had ever had. This went beyond any sort of sibling spat they'd ever had before. Obviously, since, from the sound of things, Kurt seemed hell bent on making sure Carson knew just how well the sex with Sebastian was going. Two could play that game.

"Ungh," Santana moaned as Carson drilled into her like his life depended on it. He had her lifted up on the sink, her arms around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist as he stood in front of her and thoroughly enjoyed the sight of her breasts bouncing before his eyes to the rhythm of their fucking. Now that he was sober and could actually comprehend what he was doing, he was finding that straight sex was a lot more enjoyable than he'd ever given it credit for. Sure, he'd watched straight porn a few times, but he'd never really gotten how it could possibly be as enjoyable as sex with another guy.

How wrong he'd been. While he still would definitely have to say he preferred sex with men, there was something to be said for the visual of the softer, gentler curves of a girl as you were fucking her into oblivion.

And, as far as Carson was concerned, the fact that Kurt was probably pissed off beyond all belief just made it all the better. He was glad. Kurt fucking deserved to be a little pissed, he reasoned. How many times had Carson put up with bullshit from him?

Let him take a turn.

"Take it," he growled as he thrust Santana into a screaming orgasm, not knowing where those particular words had come from, but hoping that Kurt heard them all the same. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure who they were really meant for, Santana or Kurt.

Afterward, he couldn't bring himself to come out of the bathroom for a very long time. He sat, slumped against the ornate, marble bathtub while Santana stepped inside of it and turned on the showerhead.

"Come in with me? I'll suck you off," she offered with a blissed out smile on her face. Carson shook his head.

"I just need to collect myself," he said, giving her a weak smile in return.

"Suit yourself," she said with a shrug. "But we're definitely hooking up again in the near future, you feel me? I don't give out many compliments, so don't get used to it or anything, but you're a pretty fantastic fuck."

Carson snorted in spite of himself. "Thanks?"

"Kurt's a fucking idiot if he doesn't appreciate what he's got, that's all I'm saying," Santana added as she closed the shower curtain. Carson sighed, thankful that she wasn't able to see his face, because he could practically feel it falling.

Where the fuck do we go from here?

The answer to that, apparently, was "Absolutely fucking nowhere." The winter holidays dragged on with the twins barely speaking to each other, and if life at home had been awkward for Carson before, it was almost unbearable now. He had nobody in the house to help break the tension, so he took to having Santana around as often as possible, although he knew it certainly wasn't helping matters with Kurt to be seen heavily making out with her on the couch or the kitchen counters.

Then again, all he ever had to do was remember how callously Kurt had performed sexual favors for someone else in front of a room full of their friends, and the feeling of guilt went away like magic.

If there was any other bright side to having a sort-of girlfriend/fuck buddy around the house, it was to witness his father's reaction the first time he came home to find Carson on top of Santana on the sofa with his hands happily roaming under her shirt.

"Ahem," Neal interrupted, clearing his throat pointedly.

"Oh. Hi, Dad," Carson greeted him in a monotone, sitting up and wiping his lips delicately with his finger.

Neal just stared at the two of them for a minute, and Carson didn't miss the way his father's eyes roamed over Santana hungrily. Santana didn't miss it either, and gave him her best bitch face in return, which finally caused Neal to stop staring at her and turn his attention back to Carson.

"What's all this, then?" he asked.

"This?" repeated Carson. "I was just enjoying some private time with my... with my, um... with.." He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. Santana wasn't his girlfriend, but it was, unfortunately, the only word he could come up with at the moment. "My girlfriend," he finished, trying to sound confident. It was honestly worth it just to see the way his father's eyes almost bulged out of his head.

"Girlfriend?" Neal repeated.

"That's riiight," Santana said in a taunting tone.

Neal snorted. "How the hell did you manage to get her?" he asked Carson. "What's a... young lady... like you doing with him?" he added, turning back to Santana.

Carson was about to open his mouth and give Neal one of his standard "Piss off" responses, but Santana beat him to it, giving Neal a wide smile that showed off all her teeth and narrowing her eyes at him.

"Well, you know, I can never resist a man who knows exactly how to satisfy a woman," she said, her voice dripping with forced sweetness. "And I mean exactly."

Carson bit back a smile as he witnessed his father grow speechless at Santana's words, his mouth opening like he wanted to say something before he gave up and closed it again.

"Right, well... keep it family friendly in here, hmm?" Neal said at last, quickly exiting the living room with one last, confused look at Carson.

"Your dad's a real winner," Santana said dryly when they were alone again. "And by winner, I mean he's what assholes want to be when they grow up."

"I'm aware of that," Carson murmured, pushing her back down into the sofa and draping himself over her.

The downside to having Santana over all the time was that Kurt had apparently decided that he was not to be outdone and had taken to doing the same with Sebastian. And, although Carson tried to remember that his fight was with Kurt and not Sebastian, he couldn't help but want to jealously punch the other boy right in the dick every time he walked in on him and Kurt sucking each other's tongues and grinding against each other on one chair or another. Kurt seemed to go out of his way to make damn sure Carson caught them as often as possible, so Carson simply learned to ignore it, calmly retrieving whatever he'd come into the room for and leaving without ever acknowledging what was going on in front of him. If Kurt wanted negative attention, he wasn't going to get it from Carson.

He had their father for that. Neal didn't approve of Sebastian at all. Most likely, Carson reasoned, because Sebastian couldn't seem to stand him, was not afraid of showing it, and unlike Santana, was not a hot girl.

"You make sure you have him back a decent hour," Neal had ordered Sebastian the first time he'd been home to see Kurt leave the house with the other boy to go out for dinner.

"Don't worry, sir, I have better experience taking care of both of your sons than you do," Sebastian had quipped without blinking an eye as he ushered Kurt out the door and gave Carson a small wave. Carson didn't return it, but he had to admit that it had been hilarious to watch Sebastian verbally burn his father that way.

"Who the hell was that?" Neal asked Sheryl after the boys had left.

"Kurt's new boyfriend, I think," she'd answered with a shrug. "He's nice."

"I don't like him," said Neal with a sniff.

"I do," Sheryl said. Unlike Neal, who couldn't stand Sebastian but seemed to at least tolerate Santana, she seemed to feel the exact opposite. Carson hadn't missed the occasional muttered comment of "Trashy" or "Cheap" under his mother's breath whenever Santana was around, but she seemed to love Sebastian with Kurt.

I think it's a little late to start caring about my dating life, Mother, he'd often thought. Or caring about me in general.

And all the time, his relationship with Kurt wasn't getting any better. By the time New Year's Eve came, it had been two whole weeks since the party that changed everything, and still they were no closer to even talking civilly to each other. Carson was reluctant at first to go out clubbing with Santana when he knew Kurt and Sebastian would be at the same place, but the alternative of staying home and watching his mother drink herself into a stupor while his father spent the evening God only knew where changed his mind in a hurry. He'd take his chances at the club.

To his relief, Kurt and Sebastian were nowhere in sight when he and Santana arrived at the club downtown and made their way onto the dance floor amid the flashing, bright lights and pulsating music. He was actually able to let loose and enjoy himself a little, and was in a pretty decent mood by the time Santana excused herself to the bathroom, leaving him to wander the club in search of any kind of recreational drug he could get his hands on. He looked around methodically and carefully approached a well-dressed boy he'd seen hanging around the club on other occasions, always in possession of something to sell.

"What've you got?" he asked him casually.

"You were just here, you know what I've got," the boy said, sounding confused. "Thought you were a bit better dressed before, though."

Great. Kurt must be here already and I'll be running into him and Smirky soon enough. "Wasn't me," he told the boy with a roll of his eyes. "Come on, what have you got?"

"Some quality E if you want it," the boy replied.

"How much?" asked Carson.

"Twelve quid a pill."

"Cutthroat businessman, you are," Carson replied, digging into his pockets for money. "I'll take two." He paid the boy, quickly swallowed one of his prizes, and strode away in search of Santana. He parked himself in a corner by the women's lavatory and waited for her to come out, which she did after about thirty minutes, looking very pleased with herself.

"The hell do girls do in the bathroom?" he asked, mystified, when she finally came up beside him. "Have tea time?"

"Shut up. I was conducting business in there. Look what I've got," she said gleefully, looking smug as she held out a small bottle for Carson's inspection. He peered at it curiously.

"The fuck's that?" he asked.

"Poppers," she replied. "Bought them off a girl in the bathroom. You inhale while you're fucking and the experience is supposed to be incredible."

"We'll see about that," he replied, taking the bottle she was holding out to him and putting it carefully in his pocket. "I picked up some pills, if you're interested."

"Save them, I want to get drunk off my ass tonight," she said. "I'm gonna go get a drink. You want one?"

Carson shook his head. "Popped one of these," he said, indicating the remaining pill in his hand. "Go ahead."

She nodded and made her way over to the bar. Carson swayed to the music as he felt his high coming on, hoping that the pill would finish taking effect long before he ran into-

"Didn't expect to see you here," said Kurt's voice from behind him.

Well, shit.

"That a problem?" he snapped, turning around to face his twin.

"You look hot," Kurt said with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Piss off," Carson muttered.

"Hey, don't be like that," Kurt said softly, and a closer inspection of him quickly told Carson that his brother was most likely well on his way to a decent high, if he wasn't high already. He pulled Carson out onto the dance floor and Carson shrugged him off, glaring at him.

"Don't even," he snapped. "Where's your boyfriend? Go dance with him."

"He's getting a drink," Kurt said loudly over the music, giggling as he tripped over his own foot and stumbled a little. "And he's not my boyfriend. Come oooon, Carsey, dance with me."

"No."

"Pleeease?"

"I think we're a bit beyond dancing, don't you?" asked Carson.

Kurt frowned. "Fine," he said. "Hey, hotness," he said, grabbing a random guy by the arm and pulling him toward him. "Wanna dance?"

The guy grinned, letting Kurt take control, and Carson watched with narrowed eyes as his twin practically started putting on a sex show in the middle of the club. He ran his hands down the guy's torso before turning his back to him, rubbing his ass right on the other guy's crotch. Carson bit his lip, his hands reflexively clenching into fists as he watched Kurt dry hump a total stranger right in front of him, and it was getting harder and harder to control the tidal wave of jealousy that was washing over him by the second. He could feel the effects of the drug really starting to come into full swing, and he found himself caring less and less about being mad at Kurt, and caring more about getting him the fuck away from Random McHandsy. He briefly wondered what was taking Sebastian and Santana so long, then asked himself why the fuck he cared. He marched over to where Kurt was rubbing up on the guy and grabbed his twin's hand, dragging him clear across the club and pulling him close so that his chest was pressed tight against Kurt's back and his hands were splayed over his chest.

"Carson," Kurt gasped, his heart beating unbelievable fast as Carson ran his fingers over it.

"You shouldn't go around flinging yourself at strangers, Kurt," Carson murmured, placing his lips over Kurt's ear and kissing it softly. "Makes me want to kill things."

"Didn't think you gave a shit," Kurt replied, tilting his head back in invitation for Carson to nip at his neck, which Carson all too eagerly accepted, roaming his lips over the pale, smooth skin and sucking a hickey into it.

"Tell me, Kurt, who was the first person who ever really made you feel like this?" Carson asked as he snaked one hand down Kurt's torso and cupped his palm over the increasing bulge in his twin's pants.

"I'll give you a hint," he continued, backing them into a darkened corner of the club as Kurt gasped. "It wasn't that random tool you were just dancing with, and it wasn't fucking Sebastian. It was me, and don't you fucking forget it."

"I haven't forgotten," Kurt answered forcefully, turning himself around and pressing Carson up against the wall as he collided their lips together. Carson was overwhelmed by a sudden feeling of just wanting to kiss him forever and never, ever stop. He reached his hands up to cup Kurt's face gently, lovingly, as he kissed him back just as eagerly. He felt Kurt's arms wrapping around him, stroking gently down his back, and Carson shivered at the touch. He slumped down the wall until he was sitting, dragging Kurt down with him, and his twin eagerly climbed into his lap to continue kissing him.

"I shouldn't even fucking want you like this right now," Carson said, catching his breath in between kisses.

"Mmm," Kurt murmured as he worked his way over Carson's jaw with his lips, and Carson wasn't sure if that was agreement or not, but he didn't feel like overthinking it right now. He felt very peaceful, and every sensation was heightened as he felt Kurt's clothed hardness grinding into his own. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to be joined with him, to be rocking inside of him while they kissed. Kissed forever.

His hands reached for Kurt's pants, fumbling with the buttons as Kurt took the hint and started helping him. Their lips barely parted for a second as they struggled with each other's pants until they were pulled down far enough to work with. Kurt produced a small bottle of lube and a condom from somewhere and handed them to Carson, who uncapped the lube quickly and spread it over his fingers before reaching behind Kurt and working one finger up into him.

"Uuuuungh," Kurt moaned, burying his face in Carson's neck and wrapping his arms tightly around him as Carson worked him open, slowly making his way up to three fingers. He could feel his twin's heart racing, and he rubbed his back softly with one hand as he placed a gentle kiss on his neck.

"Want you," he murmured, working his fingers in and out of Kurt. "Shouldn't, but I do."

"Please," Kurt begged, and Carson pulled his fingers out of him and quickly unrolled the condom onto himself and lubed it up. He helped Kurt maneuver so that he was positioned correctly, and then he slowly lowered his twin onto his erection, bottoming out before he fully realized what he was doing. Had he been sober, he would most likely have been disgusted with himself, giving into temptation so easily when Kurt hadn't nearly begun to atone for what he'd done at that party.

But, he wasn't sober. He was high as a kite, and at the moment all he cared about was being as close to Kurt as possible. Thrusting into him, pressing him close, tasting his skin. Letting his emotions wash over him as the drug fully took effect and Kurt moved his hips on top of him. It was raw and desperate and wonderful, and Carson was vaguely aware of Santana and Sebastian watching them at some point, their mouths agape, but he didn't give a shit. He heard something roll out of his jeans pocket, and frowned in confusion until his cloudy brain finally remembered what it was.

"Poppers... you inhale while you're fucking... experience is incredible..." Santana's voice echoed in his head. He reached one hand over and grabbed for the bottle, uncapping it clumsily and taking an experimental sniff before he got in a good inhale.

The experience was indescribable. He felt very relaxed all over his body as his heart began to pound. Every sensation heightened even more than before, and almost wanted to jump out of his skin to escape the overwhelming pleasure he was feeling as he continued thrusting up into his twin's body. He held the bottle under Kurt's nose and met his eyes as he gently stroked his cock.

"Inhale it," he said. "Trust me."

Kurt bit his lip and nodded, doing as he was told and inhaling from the bottle. Carson had no idea what the drug felt like for a bottom, but it must have been fucking incredible, because Kurt's pace increased, his moans escalating as their sex grew faster, more desperate. Carson came intensely with almost no warning, pulsing into the condom just as Kurt threw his head back and whined as he came, hot and fast, over Carson's hand. Time stood still. Seconds felt like hours as the boys stared into each other's eyes, each of them very slowly coming down from their orgasmic highs. Carson was only vaguely aware that they were in a dark corner of a dirty club, with god only knew how many people peeking at them, and that Santana would probably be pissed that he opened one of her poppers.

He didn't care about any of that. All he was fully aware of was that he was holding someone very precious in his arms right now, someone who had hurt him but who he still loved, even if he hated himself for it. Who knew how he would feel in the morning? Right now he was high as fuck, and he pretty much loved everything.

Including and especially Kurt.

Goddammit.

The winter holidays came to an end and, of course, school started back up. While the twins weren't giving each other the silent treatment anymore since their weirdly passionate (and public) night at the club, their relationship wasn't nearly what it once had been. Kurt continued to spend a great deal of time (both clothed and unclothed) with Sebastian, and Carson with Santana. They were back to fucking each other occasionally, but never with the amount of loving passion Carson had felt in the club. He wanted to feel it. He really did. But he couldn't bring himself to. It was extremely depressing, but he got through it as best he could, by doing what he did best and throwing himself into his studies.

Of course, the occasional skipped afternoon from school didn't hurt. He was doing just that one day, calmly walking out of a department store with a pocket full of stolen treasures and planning to take a long smoke break when a familiar voice echoed through the air and hit his ears. He frowned, realizing that it was his father's voice and wondering what the hell Neal was doing in this part of town on a weekday afternoon.

Not only was it his father's voice, but it was his father's voice laughing. When was the last time that mad had laughed? Carson didn't even know he was capable of laughter. He glanced around until he spotted his father, walking down the opposite end of the street with a redheaded woman Carson didn't recognize. He ducked around the corner of a building and silently observed them, pretty sure he knew exactly what was going on.

He was right. It took about five seconds for the pair to briefly stop as Neal leaned over and kissed the cheek of the woman, who blushed and smiled as she took his hand. Carson had to refrain from gagging. It was weird and gross seeing his dad that way, especially under the circumstances.

Wonder if mom knows about this one.

He briefly toyed with the idea of making his presence known, just to see how badly his father would squirm, but he decided it would be better to file this information away for later, just in case he ever needed to whip out the big guns to make Neal leave him alone. He instead headed in the direction of his grandmother's home, breezing into the lobby as soon as he got there and heading straight for her room. He hoped she was having a good day today. He'd had a very stressful week and he needed someone to talk to, even if they had no idea who the hell he was.

"Hi," he said brightly as he rapped his knuckles on her door.

"Oh, a visitor!" Grandma exclaimed happily, and Carson smiled. Great. It's a good day today. He entered the room and took a seat in his usual chair, tilting his head as he looked down at the knitting project his grandmother was hard at work on.

"What are you making?" he asked her.

"It's something for my grandson," she replied, sounding a little sad as she worked her knitting needles. "Carson. He hasn't been to visit me in a long time, but I know he'll like this when he does come."

Carson smiled at her, trying to disguise his sadness as well as he could. "I'm sure he will," he agreed.

"You remind me of him, you know," she said, putting down her needles and looking at him curiously. "You're older, but you remind me of him a lot."

Carson nodded. "I guess I just have one of those faces," he said.

"I worry about him," Grandma mused, picking her needles back up and resuming her project. "The way his parents... I mean, anyone can see they don't treat him the same as his brother. It's such a shame."

Carson bit his lip and nodded. "It is," he agreed, choking back a cough.

"When he was around three years old, I sat his parents down, and I said, "Look, if you don't feel you can handle both boys, I'd be happy to have Carson come live with me."

Carson snapped his head up, looking at her with extreme curiosity. This was new information. "What?" he asked, almost in a whisper.

Grandma nodded, her eyes focused on her knitting. "His father said no, that it would be ridiculous to separate the twins like that, but I think he just didn't want people to ask questions about why someone would give up one child and keep the other. And to a certain extent, he was right. Those boys were inseparable. They loved each other more than any two brothers ever did, and I thank God that at least Carson had Kurt around. I just wish he could have grown up with parents who showed him as much love as he deserved."

Carson looked down at his hands, hating himself for letting a few stray tears fall down from his eyes. His head was swimming at this new revelation, not only with anger, but with sadness, because even if his grandmother had adopted him, he knew it would only have ended up being for a short time.

No matter which way he turned, life was seemingly determined to fuck him over.

And through it all, through it all, only Kurt had been there for him to lean on. And now? With his relationship with Kurt bruised beyond measure? What did he have now?

Hope, I guess. Hope that it'll someday get better.

I want it to get better WITH KURT.

But we all know what happens when I want something, don't we?