A/N: … I honestly don’t know what to say about this one. Maybe it was reading all of these b!p Kurt fics (and one b!p Blaine fic) that’s been floating around and I got curious, maybe it was my medical terminology class that got me researching diseases and disorders for a project, I really can’t tell what started this…

So, I’ll make this a starter or teaser if people like it.

Described herein is an actual, real disorder. I have researched this to make sure all my facts were correct. I remember reading all these b!p fics with no one explaining anything other than either hermaphroditism (which is only found in animals, I checked that too) or he was intersexed (which can mean many different things all around). So for this fic, I found an actual disorder that would explain everything accurately while putting my own little spin on it.

Please, if anyone wants to know more about this condition outside of the fic, either for fact-checking or just to see that I didn’t make it up, Google “PAIS Grade 3” which is the most common grade and the basis for this fic.

Also, if you like how this is heading, or are interested in reading more, please leave a comment or review and tell me what you think! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one! Depending on how it’s received, I’ll have to figure out a more concrete plot since I do plan for this to be Klaine/M rating.

P.S. Please take note of the times I’ve prescribed before each section! This is majorly important as this fic will contain large time gaps between scenes!

October 2009

Kurt grumbled as he fought with the cap that covered the needle of the small syringe, muttered French curses leaving his lips as his overly moisturized hands kept losing their grip on the smooth plastic. With a small cry of success, the cap finally popped off in his hand and was placed on the counter. Grabbing the small vial of liquid that sat nearby, and carefully lining up the needle with the rubber septa of the lid, Kurt slowly measured out the appropriate dosage and pulled the needle back out. 

After checking for air bubbles in the syringe, Kurt plunged the needle quickly into the skin of his hip. Kurt fought the natural urge to flinch and tense his muscles at the sharp pain, forcefully pressing down on the pump and pulling the syringe back out in two seconds flat. Sighing quietly in relief that the task was over, Kurt started cleaning up his bathroom counter. He popped back on the needle cap, tossing it into the nearby waste bin before storing the small glass bottle back into his small mini-fridge next to similar glass bottles.

It was only after closing the fridge door did Kurt feel the ever-present weight on his shoulders, that indescribable pressure of his situation and how fucked up his life really is. If it wasn’t enough that he lived in this backwater Bible-belt town in the middle of Ohio, his peers so much less musically and fashionably cultured than himself, and add onto that his own controversial sexuality, well, his condition is just the cherry on top of the crap sundae that is his life. It just wasn’t enough that the God he didn’t believe in had to drop him in a society that hated his very existence for something that was so inherently a part of himself that it might as well be his eye color, He just had to include this little bombshell that would only further exclude him from the human race.

Sighing again into the quiet early morning air of his bathroom, Kurt checked his appearance one more time in the mirror before walking back into his basement bedroom, the dove gray walls soothing his harried mind as he gathered his materials for school. In most respects, the ninth grade wasn’t too bad in terms of academics. The teachers barely taught the minimum of any subject, the assignments far too easy for Kurt’s intellect. But the social scene, however….

The social scene was absolute Hell.

Every day was another battle, another war against the ever growing ignorance and prejudice that constantly mocked and degraded him in the forms of slushies, slurs, and a never-ending stream of bruises. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was a minor while his Dad was still oblivious to his son’s unique characteristics (his sexuality) and was very much rooted to the town of Lima, then Kurt would have run off to New York at the first opportunity. At least there, he wouldn’t be considered a “homo freak” and would honestly be appreciated for his talents, but for the time being, he remained a citizen of Lima, Ohio, aka Purgatory.

Just imagining the obstacles he would face today sent shivers down his spine. He could already tell that the jocks would corner him and toss him in the dumpster again as they’ve been doing for the past two weeks, so he planned ahead and packed an extra set of clothes in his well-worn leather satchel. Anticipating at least two slushie facials before the end of the day, he slipped in a small travel bag filled with tiny bottles of cleansers and stain treatments for his clothes. The tiny white box decorated by a red cross went in as well without a second thought. No use musing over why that was needed.

Kurt vaguely wondered if Finn Hudson would be among the jocks that would toss him into the dumpster today. The tall teen had started the habit of offering to hold whatever item that Kurt deemed too important to allow desecrating via garbage. The small act of kindness brought a swell of warmth from within Kurt’s chest, a far diluted remnant of the happiness that he once shared with his mother before her death roughly nine years earlier. Kurt could tell that the addictive partial compassion would soon blossom into some form of crush on Finn.

Kurt could also tell that whatever type of affection that he would have for the tall jock would also never come to fruition in a relationship. Kurt had decided after much thought that Finn would be considered a “safe crush,” the kind of crush that you just knew would never work out and would never be returned. Finn was simplistic, had no refined qualities whatsoever, and hung out with the largely homophobic crowd that, while showing some pity on the poor gay kid of Lima, had also never tried to stop the harassment that Kurt endured. Finn was safe because nothing would ever happen between them. The kindness was there to keep the fire going, but wasn’t anywhere near enough fuel to turn Kurt’s small campfire into a roaring blaze. So in that light, Kurt allowed the infatuation to continue, if not for anything better to do with his unlimited free time of having no friends at all and a father that worked for most of the day.

But as Kurt ruminated over his minute crush on Finn Hudson, a small, dark part hidden in the back of his mind whispered that even if Finn returned whatever feelings he had for him that any kind of relationship would fail completely. No question about it. His condition made that a certainty.

Willing away the tears that inevitably followed the constant realization of that fact, the fact that no matter who Kurt ever ended up with, the guy would still turn tail and run for the hills as soon as Kurt explained himself completely, he pulled on his satchel and headed for the front door. Checking his eyes one more time to make sure not one drop of saline spilled, Kurt grabbed his keys and walked out the front door into the chilled fall air, locking it behind him.

Yes, it didn’t matter which man in the world that Kurt ended up falling for, the man he would give his whole heart to and more, it still didn’t change the gut feeling he had that when all of Kurt’s secrets were laid out on the table, the man would leave him. He would have his heart broken irreparably, shattered into millions of pieces as the one constant fear in his life came true. What true gay man would ever want him? How could any out and proud homosexual male want Kurt as he truly is? Who would want to deal with that kind of baggage and constant reminders that Kurt wasn’t like all the rest, that he was too different even for gay guys?

How could Kurt ever find someone who would accept him, body and soul, when, if viewed in a generalized light, he wasn’t totally male in the first place?

November 2010

Kurt huffed to himself as he sat on the living room sofa, Burt sitting next to him and taking up a large amount of corner space. Carole and Finn weren’t home yet, what with Carole picking Finn up from a late football practice. The hour was growing late, but Carole had called not too long ago to say that she and Finn were leaving the McKinley parking lot and picking up some food on the way back (and yes, most of it would be up to Kurt’s scrupulous health standards for his father). But it wasn’t the possibility of his Dad scarfing down potentially heart attack-inducing fast food that had Kurt squirming in his seat, his fingers constantly picking at his designer, charcoal gray sweater in anxiety.

Burt had come to him two hours ago to tell him that it was time to have….the talk. Not “the Talk” as other kids were often terrified of having, but rather the inevitable, embarrassing, horrendous talk that Kurt knew would have to happen eventually if this whole “Dad and Carole getting married” thing was going to work. It was only a matter of time before Carole and Finn caught on to Kurt’s daily ritual injections and frequent doctor’s appointments, and started asking questions. Burt had made the decision that if he and Carole were going to join their families together, there had to be as little secrets as possible. And that included Kurt’s condition.

Kurt, being who he is and how comfortable he was with the whole thing, naturally balked and attempted to talk his father out of it. But the stern, no-nonsense expression on the mechanic’s face brooked no argument. Regardless of how much Kurt would be embarrassed by it, they were going to have this talk. Carole and Finn needed to know.

So here they were, the two Hummel men sitting in near silence in the living room, the TV channel on some game but the sound muted, just waiting for Carole and Finn to arrive. The quiet was eating Kurt alive inside, his thoughts racing at a decent 85 miles per hour as he attempted to predict the reactions he would be getting tonight. He had a strong feeling that Carole, after getting over her shock, would initiate her nurse’s training and accept the situation as something that just is. No point getting all bent out of shape by something that can’t be changed and wouldn’t change who Kurt is. Finn, on the other hand…

Kurt was secretly terrified by what’s Finn reaction would be. Sure, they had moved on from the basement fiasco of last year, apologies given on both sides as they forced themselves to talk the whole thing through. Egos were bruised and battered, personal humiliation galore, but they had pushed through it and accepted it as yet another example of how they were teenagers and teenagers make mistakes. It had taken time, but the two boys had grown far more comfortable in each other’s presence, personal space included. Finn became much looser in his interactions with Kurt, a few times reaching out and initiating touches and bro hugs. Kurt, likewise, didn’t flinch as often as he used to when confronted with the jock’s large frame colliding with his or getting into his space.

But for Finn to move beyond his steadily disappearing homophobia was something totally different compared to the situation he would be confronting tonight. This talk would forever change how he viewed Kurt and everything he believed of the countertenor. Who knew how the overgrown teen would change his behavior in accordance to this new perspective on his soon-to-be stepbrother?

Kurt worried his bottom lip at this thought. He had just acclimated having Finn as a roommate and future brother in his head. The routines were slowly being set between them. Things were running more smoothly than ever thanks to Finn’s blunder in mentioning Karofsky’s harassment and helping in getting the bully expelled, leaving Kurt to experience a far less terrifying reality for once in his high school existence. Kurt was free to devote more time to glee, to his Dad, and to their growing family thanks to Finn. But this would turn it all upside down. Finn would never look at him the same way again.
Both men jumped when they heard the jangle of keys and the front door being pushed open, the thundering steps followed by a second sedate pair as Carole and Finn headed into the house.

“Finn, don’t you dare crush that bread, you hear me?” Carole called after her son as he bounded into the kitchen. “I understand that you’re hungry, but if that bread is in any way misshapen, it’ll be deformed grilled cheese instead of homemade pizza tonight.”

“But Mom!” Finn whined as the sound of paper bags crinkled when their weight found purchase on the kitchen counters. “That only happened a few times!”

“I don’t care, Finn. We all use the bread and if it’s smashed, then no one gets to really enjoy it. I’m serious, next time you hold the bread, treat it like an infant or one of those parenting dolls. Gently.”

“…But Mom, I broke that doll.” Burt and Kurt could hear Carole’s long-suffering sigh.

“Oh Finn…”

As no more talk came out of the kitchen, Burt looked at Kurt and tried to smile supportively, but the grimace Kurt received did nothing to reassure him. Kurt could feel his lungs starting to hurt as the growing anxiety gripped his chest. His fingers were starting to wear the hem of his sweater thin when his father’s large hand reached out and covered his dancing digits, stopped the frenetic movements. Looking into his father’s familiar kind eyes, Kurt attempted to take slow, deep breaths and calm himself down. He squeezed his dad’s hand tightly when he heard the footsteps come closer to the living room.

When Carole and Finn came to the entrance to the living room, as soon as they spied the serious and nervous expressions on the Hummel men’s faces, their own smiles fell away into the stoic silence.

“Carole, Finn, we need to talk for a minute.” Burt quietly explained, still holding Kurt’s hand like a life-line.

“What’s wrong, Burt? Did something happen?” Carole asked worriedly as she slowly sank onto the nearby armchair. Finn remained silent, looking confused, as he lumbered over to the chair next to his mother.

“No, nothing happened. It’s just…” Burt trailed off for a moment, but the quick squeeze from Kurt brought him back. “We just really need to discuss something. Together. As a family.”

Carole looked at him expectantly, relieved that nothing bad had happened while she and her son were away. Memories of all the horrible things that had already happened to the two Hummel men left her wary of leaving the house some days, too concerned over the well-being of the two new men in her life, both of whom she loved with all her heart.

Burt was such a good man, that she knew without a doubt. Although he seemed gruff and blunt at first, she knew from experience that his roughened edges were just a defense mechanism that he had formed to protect himself and his only son. Hearing of the abuse Kurt had been forced to endure for years with only his father by his side, Carole felt her own heart break each and every time she confronted the ignorance of the locals that had caused the poor boy so much harm and tears. Getting to know Kurt and loving him as a second son, she found the town largely hypocritical and cruel that they could be so welcoming and understanding of simple-minded bullies while Kurt suffered in silence and neglect just because he was gay.

But seeing how Burt never stopped loving Kurt, seeing that fatherly love never waver, so often reminded Carole of her Chris so long ago. There were many times that she missed her husband, the man he used to be, and often wished that Finn had gotten the chance to know his father before he left. But seeing how Kurt had been affected, of knowing his mother before she was taken from him and how he was left with the grief and loss, there were other times she was glad Finn didn’t have to deal with that. She counted herself so lucky to have these boys in her life, and hopefully for the future to come with their engagement.

Burt sighed once more, feeling more and more uncertain of how to proceed with this touchy subject, but he wouldn’t shy away. It needed to be said.

“Kurt and I need to tell you two something. It’s something that’s really personal to us, but mostly to Kurt. He and I have talked about this, and with me proposing, we agreed that it was best to get this out there before the wedding….just in case.”

“Just in case of what, Burt?” Carole questioned, slightly uneasy with how this talk was going. For a moment there, it sounded like Burt was afraid she would leave him.

“What’s wrong, Burt?” Finn piped in, still confused over why there talking.

“Nothing’s wrong. Not at all. But there is something that we’ve been keeping from the two of you. We didn’t know if Carole’s and my relationship would come this far, and believe me when we say that we’re glad it did, but the two of us wanted to be sure this, all of us, was going to happen before we told you.” Burt explained, hoping to ease the other two into the coming bombshell. Carole still looked a bit bewildered, but was listening intently, respectfully keeping mum. Finn, fortunately, hadn’t busted out with scores of questions, so that was just as good.

“Carole, Finn, Kurt’s not like other boys. And no, this isn’t about him being gay at all. What I’m trying to say is….Kurt was born differently than other boys…than other kids. He has-“

“I have Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.” Kurt finished, the first time he had spoken in the last hour.

Silence. Kurt started blushing heavily, his face a deep rosy red as he focused his gaze on the carpet. Burt didn’t let go of his hand, but he didn’t say a word.

“Partial what?” Finn asked while Carole scrunched her brows, trying to remember from her nurse’s training and shifts at the clinic what that particular disease was, but couldn’t come up with anything useful.

“It’s called Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, or PAIS. It’s a hormonal abnormality that causes severe birth defects. To put it simply, Kurt was born with….well, I guess it’s, um….um…God, how do I put this…uh-”

“Oh for Gaga’s sake, Dad! Just say it! I WAS BORN WITH A VAGINA!” Kurt exclaimed, ripping his hand from his father’s while he covered his face, curling over himself into a ball on the couch.

More silence….of the shocked variety.

Carole’s eyes had widened considerably, her mouth dropping open as she stared blindly at Kurt. Finn looked like he was about to pass out, to be honest, a high squeaking erupting from his mouth. Kurt moaned in mortification, too afraid to pull his face away from his knees as Burt began rubbing his back, his own shock coming through in a deep flush as he certainly didn’t expect Kurt to just blurt it out like that.

“Are you serious?! But I thought Kurt was a boy!!!” Finn suddenly yelled, his eyes wide like dinner plates. Carol e jolted out of her own stupefied stance to grab hold of her son’s arm and shush him.

“Finn! Don’t say things like that! Let them explain.” Carole soothed, even though she still looked just as shaken, as she looked to Burt once more.

“Kurt is a boy, Finn. All the way down to his DNA, he is a boy. But while Elizabeth was pregnant with Kurt, there was a complication. Due to a hormone imbalance, even though Kurt was, is, and will always be a boy, he was born with…extra stuff. Yes, with stuff that you’d normally find on a girl. And just because he has a ….you know, does not make him any less of a male, understand?” Burt asserted, satisfied that Finn vaguely nodded his head, still stunned.

Carole also nodded, now that her training allowed her to start thinking clearly. “So, Kurt’s intersexed?”

Burt nodded, relieved that she understood what he was trying to say.

“Yeah, Elizabeth and I were concerned and unprepared when Kurt was born the way he was, but the doctor assured us that his health wasn’t in jeopardy because of his condition. He was still a healthy, full-term baby. But because of his physical appearance, they diagnosed him as being intersexed while being genetically male, and suggested surgery to correct anything. At the time, Liz and I didn’t have the money or the insurance to pay for both Liz’s medical bills and a serious surgery for Kurt. Unfortunately, our funds never recovered enough to do it while Kurt was an infant.”

“When Elizabeth got sick and died when Kurt was six, all thoughts of dealing with his condition were put on the back burner, what with settling Liz’s chemotherapy bills and the funeral. The next time we went to Kurt’s pediatrician, he mentioned that while surgery was always possible, Kurt would have to start hormone replacement therapy when he hit puberty to keep his development in check. The main reason we needed to talk to the two of you was that when Carole and I get married, we’ll all be living together. Eventually, one of you were going to notice that Kurt has to take regular testosterone injections every day and that he would have a lot of doctor’s appointments throughout the year, far more that Finn would have. We felt that before you started asking questions, we would just clear it all up now instead of later.”

Carole began to nod when she reasoned it out in her head, knowing that injections, syringes, prescriptions for hormones, and visits to specialists would certainly be noticed at some point. Being a nurse and a doting mother to both boys, she had no doubt that eventually she would have seen the signs that Kurt wasn’t like a normal teenage boy, and the questions would have come naturally.

Taking a moment to absorb all of this information, Carole felt her stomach settle and her nerves begin to calm. She understood from a medical perspective that anyone with this condition would instinctively try to conceal it, try to hide it from the people around them for fear of persecution and prejudice, so the open honesty Burt and Kurt had shown her today warmed her heart and soul. This was the defining moment of acceptance that she hadn’t even known she was waiting for. Both Hummel men were being totally honest about a very sensitive subject in their lives, opening themselves up to be especially vulnerable to Carole and Finn. If there was one thing in this world that such an action proved, it was that Burt and Kurt were very serious about becoming a blended family, of welcoming her and her son into their fold without hesitation. She understood that if there was a shred of doubt within their minds about this upcoming marriage and domestic upheaval, then they wouldn’t have sat down and started this conversation. They wanted this to happen. They wanted to be a family.

Carole began to tear up at that realization. If she hadn’t thought it was possible to love these boys any more, then she was greatly mistaken. Pulling herself off the couch, she strolled over to kneel in front of Kurt’s huddled form on the cushion. With Burt and Finn watching, she enfolded the delicate boy into her arms, tucking him close to her heart.

“Oh, Kurt, your condition doesn’t change who you are. All it does is make you more unique and special. I don’t think I can ever explain how much your honesty means to Finn and me, but what I can say is that we still love you and that will never change. You are an incredible young man, and I am so blessed to be a part of your family now. I love you, Kurt.” Carole murmured into Kurt’s hair, threading her fingers through the strands as Kurt’s body slowly unfurled enough to hug her back, the tentative touches growing in strength until he clutched at her with life-line force.

Finn watched with wide eyes as his mother soothed his soon-to-be stepbrother. Even though Finn often had the reputation of being simple in comparison to other guys, even he could tell that just by admitting something so bizarre about himself, that Kurt was trying to make this “blended family” thing work.

Sure, he had kept it a secret for so long, but Finn didn’t blame him. Finn shuddered to think of what would happen if Kurt’s condition ever reached the ears of the other jocks on the football team. The harassment would become absolutely intolerable, and he had no idea what Kurt would do about it. Seeing how scared and embarrassed Kurt had been after yelling about being born with a…vagina, Finn had to admit that it must have been borderline painful to say in front of his old crush and his dad’s girlfriend. But above all, it had to have taken guts, and that Finn respected. Every day, Kurt was proving braver than any guy he had ever met. He just wouldn’t let the bullies prevent him from living his life, being his true self, and Finn began to puff up in admiration for the guy that would soon be his brother.

Following his mom’s lead, Finn pulled himself out of his chair and crossed to Kurt’s side opposite Burt. Placing his large hands on Kurt’s back, in the spaces not already covered by his mother’s arms, Finn leaned in close to Kurt’s exposed ear.

“It’s okay, dude. You’re still you. You’re still Kurt, the greatest kicker the Titans have ever had, one of the only Cheerios to ever earn Coach Sylvester’s respect, and my future stepbrother. Who cares if you have anything extra or were born different?”

Kurt hiccupped, the vibration running up into Carole’s and Finn’s bodies. Turning his head to the side in order to see both of them, he gave a watery, grateful smile at their reassuring words.

In the presence of his father, the only remaining family he thought he had, Kurt found acceptance and love in the newest additions to the Hummel clan. And for those few moments, his burden didn’t seem so heavy, his world not so dark. Who knew what the future had in store for him? Who knew if he would ever find this same acceptance in the outside world, in Lima, Ohio, of all places? Kurt didn’t have these answers. All he knew was that within this house, he didn’t have to hide anymore, not from his family.

Kurt chuckled weakly. “Thank you.”