Kurt

Kurt spent Sunday lounging around his apartment and wondering where Puck was. Puck ended up texting him saying that he had left a message on his voicemail that he wouldn't be home for a few days because he had a family issue to deal with back in Ohio. Kurt looked at his phone and realized that he did, in fact, have a voicemail. Where has my head been these days? he wondered. Puck asked how Vermont went and Kurt told him that he'd explain everything when he came back because it's involved.

He couldn't get his mind off of what was happening in his life. He was still attached to Vin and he thought about the agreement they came to for the time being. Vin was to get himself together and they had to spend more time talking about their issues before they could move forward in their relationship. Surprisingly, nothing came up about Blaine kissing Kurt.

By three o'clock he got a phone call from his father. "Hello?" Kurt asked into the phone.

"When are you planning on getting here?" Burt asked.

"Huh?"

"You forgot didn't you?" There was a tone in Burt's voice that told Kurt he was smiling.

Kurt thought for a second and put his hand up to his head when he remembered where he was supposed to be that day and the reason for him needing to return on Sunday. "It's Finn's birthday. I'm so sorry. Let me get dressed. I'll be right over."

There was a chuckle on Burt's end. "Hurry up because I'd like to see my son."

"Yeah. I'll be there in under an hour. I'm sorry." Kurt hung up the phone and rushed into his bedroom. He picked out an outfit and grabbed the envelope on his desk that he put there weeks ago. He had bought Finn two tickets to see the Knicks because he knew how much Finn still liked basketball. Rachel would probably assume that Finn would be taking her, but Kurt knew that Finn would rather slam his head against the wall than take Rachel to a sporting event. Taking Rachel to a basketball game would be like slamming his head against the wall, so he might as well have at it for the trouble. Finn often went to basketball games with co workers and told Kurt that watching a game at home with his buddies when Rachel was home was one of the most annoying things on the planet because Rachel wouldn't stop complaining or asking questions at the most exciting times of the games.

Kurt at least thought that Finn and Rachel finally had a normal relationship where they could argue and be totally honest without fear of hurting the other one's feelings. Rachel was no longer scared that Finn would leave her for someone like Quinn Fabray, a former girlfriend he had in high school, and Finn was no longer scared that he was only Rachel's significant other to hold her purse and boost her confidence. Nope. They were a normal couple now who fought and made up. They were never happier than when they were alone together and being silly. It almost made Kurt vomit to think that he actually thought they were cute.

When Kurt arrived he was greeted by his Rachel at the door and embraced by everyone. He explained why Puck wasn't there and Finn said that he already knew because Puck called earlier. He handed his present to Finn and said, "Happy birthday. Don't open that in front of Rachel."

Finn opened the lip of the envelope and glanced inside. His eyes lit up and threw his arms around Kurt. "Dude!" he exclaimed.

"I know. I know." Kurt smiled. "I'm the best brother ever."

Dinner was lovely. Rachel cooked spaghetti and meatballs. Burt talked about his latest crusade in Washington D.C. Carol discussed fashion and Broadway with Kurt and Rachel. Finn and Burt talked about sports.

After dinner Kurt walked into the kitchen with a pile of dishes to find Carol already washing some. Carol insisted on helping with the clean up because Rachel worked so hard to prepare such a special meal. Kurt put the dishes next to the sink and went over to the kitchen island to clean it up. When he was finished he leaned over it in thought. He plucked a grape from the leftover cheese plate from earlier and popped it into his mouth. "Penny for your thoughts?" Carol asked with a smile. She turned the water off and dried her hands on a dish towel. Kurt shook his head. "Come on. Spit it out. You only get that look on your face when something's bothering you."

He paused and rubbed the back of his neck, thinking about what to say. "Have you ever cheated on someone?" Kurt finally asked.

The corners of Carol's lips turned up slightly, but not in a happy way. It was more of a "she didn't know completely where Kurt was going with this" kind of thing. "No," she said. "But I've been cheated on. I can tell you that it's not very pleasant from that end." Kurt swallowed and glanced down at the counter top. "Why do you ask?" He looked up slowly with a regretful expression. "What's his name?"

"Blaine."

"And was it worth it?"

He sighed. "I don't know how to answer that. It's difficult and complicated."

"You have feelings for him."

It took Kurt a second as he looked cautiously at Carol When he was sure that he wasn't being judged he nodded in the affirmative. He did have feelings for Blaine. Even after breaking it off with him, it was hard to imagine seeing Blaine and not feeling the familiar flutter inside his chest.

"What made you do it?" she continued.

"The first time?" He read the look on Carol's face. "Oh! Kissing. That's it, sort of. I mean there was this one time that-" He stopped himself. "Kissing. We've kissed more than once." The topic of his sex life wasn't exactly something he wanted to discuss with his step mother, but he amended his statement when she gave him a knowing look. "Okay, there were a lot of kisses. Many, many kisses. I stopped counting after two because I was two busy wanting more of them to keep track."

"Now was that so hard?" Carol said rhetorically with a smile. It was apparent that this was slightly entertaining for her. Mainly it was just that one of her sons came to her for advice that made her so happy. She knew Kurt was in the wrong, but what kind of mother would she be if she scolded her adult son for cheating on someone he didn't seem to want to introduce to his family anyway. The plan was for Vin to move in, but she felt that if Kurt wasn't excited enough to come carting his boyfriend around to his family, then perhaps things weren't as serious as his previous relationships.

"I don't know," Kurt said absently as if in deep thought. "There's something about him that makes me keep coming back. When we met, I couldn't stop thinking about him and, even now, I still can't stop thinking about him. He's kind and understanding. Blaine is incredibly talented, sweet, and attentive. He cares more than anyone I've ever met."

"Then what's the problem? If you have such a connection with him then what's keeping you with Vin?"

"Vin loves me and he doesn't deserve what I've done to him. I don't want to hurt him." Had he been having this conversation with Carol a month ago about why he was with Vin, he would have been able to give a laundry list of attributes that he admired and adored, but now all he could think of was the sex parties, being in the closet, and how Vin treated him. Yes, Vin and he had talked it through, but that didn't mean he was over it.

"Honey, you can't live your life only thinking of others."

"There's more. Now I'm more confused than ever." He went on to explain the events of the past week with Vin then Blaine and by the end of it, Carol was smiling again.

"Sweetie, if there's one thing I've always known about you it's that you can't let a problem go."

"Are you saying that Vin is a problem?"

"Your situation with him, yes, but him as a person, no. You see, for as long as you've been dating, you always choose these guys that need to be fixed. Haven't you noticed that?" Kurt shrugged, but continued to pay close attention as Carol continued. "You need people and their problems to make yourself feel needed and special. I mean, look at the profession you've chosen. Psychology. You want to help the broken. You brought your father and I together years ago. I was empty until he and I got together. Now, with you and your father, and Finn in my life, I'm happier than I ever have been. Every man you've ever been with has been fixer-upers. I haven't met Vin, but he seems like he needs a lot of fixing. Blaine, on the other hand, needs no fixing. He seems to just want you in his life. He doesn't want your help; he just wants you."

Kurt swallowed hard again. He knew his stepmother was right.

Blaine

Monday came and Blaine was woken up by Wes. He worked last night and went to bed late because he had some tune stuck in his head that he had to get out. He was really looking forward to his meeting Monday night with Kurt.

Wes had shaken him awake and yammered on about something to do with a job for Blaine and to meet him downstairs in the kitchen. He promised a bagel and coffee.

When Blaine joined him Wes explained that the orchestra for the show he was in needed a new pianist right away. Wes had told the conductor about his "room mate who was really good and already playing for another show."

"I don't know," Blaine said before biting into his bagel.

"Come on, man. This is your chance. It's Broadway. You're in an off-off Broadway orchestra." He said it like it was something to look down on.

"It's off. Not off-off," Blaine argued.

"Barely." Wes sipped his coffee. "You always dreamed of Broadway. This is your chance. This is it. You don't really even need to audition. All the guy really wants is to meet you."

"Wes, I'm happy where I am."

"You mean, you're happy where Kurt is. Man, when are you gonna stop putting all your eggs into a basket that belongs to someone else?"

"And when are you gonna stop sticking your nose in other people's business?" Blaine spat back.

Wes sighed. "Okay. Fine. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mention his name. I just don't want you to miss out on an opportunity that would be awesome for you because you like making googly eyes at a handsome guy you work with."

Now it was Blaine's turn to sigh. He took a sip of his coffee. "You're right. Would it make you happy if I went to go talk to him?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll go talk to… what's his name?"

"Marco."

"I will go see him." Wes slid a card across the table. "And apparently I'll call him too?"

"The earlier the better. You don't want to call after he already hired someone."

Blaine and Wes finished breakfast and Wes went out jogging as per his usual morning routine. Blaine thrummed his fingers on the counter for a little while as he thought about whether or not to call Marco. In the end, he called before lunch time and made an appointment to meet him in an hour.

Marco was Italian and had the accent to match his origins. He was tan, slender, and had a romantic confidence about him. Immediately Blaine knew Marco was cocky and arrogant by the way he talked and moved with his body language when Blaine came to see him at his house.

"Wes tells me that you're his room mate?" Marco asked as he handed Blaine a bottle of water.

"House mate would probably be a better term. We live on different floors."

"So, you two are not…?"

The question was full of assumption and Blaine knew what Marco was asking. "No. We're childhood friends. Nothing more."

"Good."

Good? Blaine thought. What does he mean by that? "You need a pianist how soon?"

"Tomorrow night."

"I don't know if I could leave my show that soon. They've been real good to me and I wouldn't want to leave them short handed like that."

"Let me ask you something. Do you know how many pianists there are in this city looking for work on Broadway?"

"Thousands."

"Exactly. I could have hired someone within five minutes of my pianist quitting last night, but Wes ensured me that you were amazing and had credentials."

"That was kind of him."

"As it turns out… you are pretty amazing."

Blaine gulped as he caught Marco's eyes raking over him. "You haven't heard me play."

Marco began to slide over to Blaine as he unbuttoned his shirt. He wasn't planning on wasting any time. "Why don't we see if we can play together?" he said with a sickening grin.

After the past few days he'd had, Blaine had had enough of these kind of people. What happened to all the sweet natured guys that had depth to them and more on their brain than just sex? He gritted his teeth, put the bottle of water down, and stood up. He walked straight up to Marco, exuding the same confidence that he knew he once had, and put his hand on Marco's chest, stopping him in his tracks. "I don't think so. I'm not interested in that kind of orchestral music."

Marco stopped unbuttoning his shirt and crossed his arms around his chest. He was obviously not used to hearing no. "Shame. You're so pretty."

"Thanks, but no thanks. If that's how I have to get a job, I'm not interested."

"Oh please. Don't be such a stick in the mud. Go play something on my Grande."

Blaine stopped and looked at Marco surprised. He had just denied him and he was still being given a chance. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. You've got two minutes."

He went over to one of the most beautiful Grande pianos he had ever seen. He knew exactly how many hours he'd have to work to pay for something this extravagant. He played the opening number to the show he played for now and Marco stopped him halfway through. "Alright. You got the job."

Blaine froze. He wasn't even sure he wanted the job. He was pretty much only doing this as a favor to Wes. "I- um-"

"You do want it, don't you?"

Kurt

Kurt walked into the bar and looked around for Blaine. He spotted him standing at the bar talking to someone Kurt recognized from work. It was the same person he used to often see flirting with Blaine or eyeing him like a piece of meat. Kurt admitted it to himself that he was a little jealous seeing Blaine talking to someone else, but he reminded himself that Blaine wasn't his and he had made his decision to be with Vin. Blaine was allowed to talk and be around or with anyone he pleased.

Kurt eyed a small table and sat down to wait patiently for Blaine to notice him and come sit down. He purposely chose it for its position. It was in Blaine's frame of vision. So, if he wanted to look for Kurt, he'd wouldn't have to look hard and Kurt would be able to watch and see what happened between the two men.

Blaine

The last person Blaine wanted to be talking to right now was Landon. Blaine was waiting for Kurt and here Landon was, throwing down the act he normal did to get into Blaine's pants. The only difference now was that Landon had always gotten what he wanted once and it was a mistake to begin with. Blaine just wanted him to go away and go away for good.

"So, what do you say we get out of here for round two? Or we can hide away behind the bar since our last outdoor escapade was so exciting." Landon grossed Blaine out now more than ever only because Blaine couldn't get the images of that drunken mistake out of his head right now.

Blaine wanted to throw up. He decided to get rid of him the only way he knew how. He took a deep breath and put on his cocky bitch face on. The very same face he wore to get Landon to bend over the brick ledge to begin with. "See, I would, but- no actually I wouldn't."

"Huh?"

"I don't really know how to put this, but, well, I've had you already and frankly I've had better."

"Excuse me?" Landon puffed his chest out and his expression changed to an equally bitchy look. "I was rock 'em sock 'em, Baby, and if you think you can do better-"

"Think?" Blaine chuckled. "Oh, honey, I know I can do better and I never repeat my mistakes."

"You know what?" Blaine stopped listening and he rolled his eyes as he reached for his drink and took a sip. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw someone who resembled Kurt. He flicked his eyes back over and sure enough, Kurt was sitting at a table watching everything that was happening.

Kurt

Kurt watched Landon and Blaine carefully. There was something about the way Blaine was standing in proximity to Landon and the look on his face. It wasn't welcoming or really even all that pleasant. The more he watched the more he started to think that Blaine was going to get into a fist fight with this guy. Then Blaine's eyes flicked in his direction and Kurt startled. He hadn't known that Blaine knew he was sitting there. Or maybe he hadn't, but either way. Blaine knew now.

Kurt didn't know what to do, but he wanted to help. The last thing he wanted was to see Blaine get punched in the face and judging from Landon's body language, the chances of that happening were high.

Kurt quickly got up from his chair and made his way over to the bar where they stood.

Blaine

Kurt was still in Blaine's eye line and he saw him walking over with a concerned, yet curious expression. Landon kept going on and on about something Blaine wasn't paying attention to, however, whatever he was saying was making him get closer and angrier. Blaine really wanted Landon gone by now and he did the first thing he could think of. When Kurt was in the right position and distance away from Blaine, Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled Kurt to him hard. He spun him around, pinning him to the bar, and kissed him hard as he pressed his body to Kurt's. The kiss was much more intense than the kiss he gave Kurt at Jericho, but Kurt responded just as surprised, yet just as hungry for Blaine's lips as he did before.

Blaine's hands roamed south and one hand held Kurt's upper back, keeping Kurt's body to his own tightly. His other hand grasped onto Kurt's ass and pushed their lower halves together as well. He kissed Kurt hungrily, slipping his tongue in and out of Kurt's mouth. Kurt moaned and dug his nails into the cloth of Blaine's shirt.

Blaine remembered where he was and what he was doing and painfully tore his lips away from Kurt, however, he didn't let go of him. He merely just turned his face and let Kurt rest his forehead on Blaine's temple. "I'm sorry, you were saying?" Blaine asked sarcastically with no real emphasis on caring.

Landon stood there with a gaping look like he'd just been slapped in the face. "Dick!" he exclaimed and walked away.

"Oh, please don't stop on his account," said an older man that was sitting on a stool behind Landon at the bar and apparently a spectator in Kurt and his public display.

Blaine winked at him and loosened his grip completely on Kurt. He took a step back before looking Kurt fully in the face. Kurt was flushed and his lips were kiss swollen. He was out of breath and wearing a stunned expression.

"Sorry," Blaine quickly said. "And thank you. You were a bigger help than you think." His bitch-face was now gone and his tone of voice was back to normal. Landon was gone, so he could give up the act. However, now, once he'd taken in Kurt's body language and shocked expression, Blaine was thrown out of his comfortable austere that he normally had around Kurt. Once he realized that he'd kissed Kurt twice since Kurt told him that Vin was his choice, it dawned on him that comfortable wasn't the proper feeling. He felt something that he hadn't felt since the first few times they hung out. He was bashful and more than a little embarrassed; not to mention that he was ashamed with himself for letting Kurt see what kind of person he could be when he wanted to be his old man whore, unapologetic, bitchy self.

Kurt

Kurt just blinked. He didn't know what to say. "I think I need a drink."

"Yeah, me too," Blaine added quickly.

Kurt ordered a double shot of a Kamikaze and threw that back like it was water. Then he ordered a Washington Apple martini. He shuddered once he felt the alcohol rushing through him.

Blaine ordered a beer, but stared at Kurt wide eyed as he watched Kurt pound the shot like it was nothing. He felt the awkwardness of the situation and was beginning to realize the problem with what he just did. He felt guilty.

They made their way over to a table and sat down across from one another. "I'm sorry," Blaine said again.

"Yeah, what was all that about?"

"I sort of made a mistake… with Landon," he admitted.

"Oh." Kurt didn't know what else to say. A simple, non committal noise like 'oh' would suffice enough to not show judgment or the feelings he was actually feeling.

"I was drunk and angry and the combination of both aren't a good look on me."

"You don't have to explain anything to me," Kurt told him softly.

"But I want to."

"Why?"

"Because I want to." There was a long pause between the two as they stared into each other's eyes. Blaine signaled one of the scantily clad bar runners to come over. The bar runner/waiter was blonde and young looking. He had a perfect body and wore nothing but a pair of briefs, a fake gun belt, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat. Blaine ordered two more of what they were drinking along with four shots of Kamikazes. "I used to… make a lot of mistakes… in college, but I smartened up. Who I am now, hates who I was back then. I was angry and, more often than not, I was very drunk when I made those mistakes. Like I said, angry isn't a good look for me."

Kurt understood the euphemism Blaine was using: making mistakes, to mean that Blaine used to sleep around. It didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. He trusted Blaine and his past actions had nothing to do with him. He didn't judge him and he didn't think any less of the curly haired man in front of him. "Everyone makes mistakes."

"Does it bother you to know that I had sex with Landon?"

Yes. "No."

"Liar."

"When have I ever lied to you?" It only bothered Kurt because there was a twinge in his heart whenever he thought of Blaine being intimate with someone other than himself. The drinks came and Blaine paid for the drinks before he lined up the shots, making a wall between he and Kurt.

Blaine fingered one of the shot glasses over to Kurt and he picked up one for himself. They clinked their shot glasses and threw back the liquid then turning the glasses over onto the table. "You're lying right now. You think I'm a slut or something."

"No! You think you're a slut. Blaine, you don't owe me anything. You can do whatever," he swallowed, "or whomever you choose. I don't think any less of you for having drunken sex with Landon." There was another pause. "If you want judgment, you came to the wrong person. I have no right to judge anyone." There was silence again and both sipped their drinks.

Blaine lifted another shot. Kurt followed suit and they swallowed.

"I hate him."

"Who?"

"The old me. You saw me at the bar with Landon. I was like that. Not just some of the time. All of the time. Just a… well, I was an asshole and a whore." Blaine brought his beer up to his lips and took a long drink.

"I doubt that."

The bottle came down from his lips in disbelief. "Really?" Blaine felt his emotions that he shoved down previously rolling back up again. "Go talk to my roommates and ask how many friends I retained from college." He pulled back another long sip from his beer

"That doesn't mean anything. I don't talk to anyone from college either." Kurt, now feeling the full effect of the amount of alcohol he's had so far, took a large gulp from his martini. It was probably enough to get rid of half the drink.

"It wasn't a choice, Kurt. I don't talk to anyone because I don't have any friends from college. After two years of that attitude and those actions, I don't blame people for not wanting to choose me as time worthy companionship."

"Blaine, don't do that. Who you were has no baring on who you are now. You have plenty of people now who take you for who you are. There's not use in comparing now because you changed and changed for the better."

Their eyes caught each other's. Blaine pursed his lips, trying to hide that his lower lip was trembling. Maybe he shouldn't have had as much to drink as he did. The alcohol wasn't helping him keep his feelings in check. Maybe he was just being emotional; he wasn't sure. His attempts weren't as useful as he thought because his eyes gave everything away to Kurt.

He took a large gulp of the rest of his martini and put the glass down. "What is it?" Kurt asked reaching forward and covering Blaine's hand with his own. "What's bothering you?" He looked concerned.

Blaine took in a quick deep breath and shook his head. "Nothing. It's nothing." He stood up and rushed away from the table.

Kurt stood up and immediately felt the effects of drinking that much too quickly. He was drunk. He stumbled some, but he followed Blaine out of the bar as quickly as he could. Lucky for him, his legs were longer than Blaine's and he just barely caught up to him about ten yards outside of the bar. "Hey," Kurt grabbed Blaine's arm and pulled him so Blaine would turn around.

Blaine was scowling, but he was doing it in an attempt to keep from showing any more emotions that he didn't want expelled. Being drunk was definitely not helping his situation.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked again, more fervently.

I miss you, was Blaine's first thought. "I… It's…"

Without thinking, Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and held him. He wanted to comfort him and hold him. Yes, he still had feelings for him and maybe this wasn't right, but Blaine was clearly in pain and needed someone.

Blaine accepted the hug and tucked himself in. He couldn't have Kurt, but this was enough. A caring embrace. He sniffled, though his nose wasn't running. "It's a lot of things. I'm lonely and I'm angry and I'm ashamed. I'm making poor decisions and right now, I'm making another one."

"What's that?" Kurt asked, rubbing Blaine's back.

"I'm hammered and having a heart to heart with you."

Kurt knew what Blaine meant. At least he wasn't drunk when he told Blaine his problems. He remembers before they started anything and were just friends, anything involving him being drunk around Blaine meant that he was close to doing or saying something he wasn't supposed to. Blaine wasn't over Kurt; Kurt knew that about as well as he knew that he wasn't over Blaine. Feelings were still there and Kurt knew that Blaine's were hurt.

"When am I going to stop hurting you?"

Blaine backed out of Kurt's arms. "It's not you."

"Not all of it, but some of it is. Why else would you be so nervous to talk to me? You're just as afraid of saying the wrong thing as I am."

Blaine was milliseconds away from telling Kurt that it doesn't make any sense why they're aren't together. In reality, he knew why, but in his drunken state, he didn't understand anymore. All he understood was that Kurt was upset enough to leave vacation early, and Kurt went straight to Blaine. What does that say? He leaves his boyfriend in Vermont to come talk to me at my work in New York? Why isn't he with me? Fuck, I need to stop being drunk around him. Bad idea. This was a bad idea.

"I think maybe we should just go our separate ways tonight. Sober up. Try this hang out as friends thing some other time?"

Kurt nodded. Blaine was right. If they ever had a chance at being friends, obviously being drunk and emotional wasn't a good jumping off point, but he wasn't ready to let his time with Blaine go yet. Not when they had only started talking again. "What about coffee?"

"When?"

"Now? There's a coffee shop open not far from here."

Blaine breathed deeply and thought coffee would be good right about now. He really didn't want to be drunk on a train home. "Okay. You lead."

Both of them were a little wobbly on their feet and more than a little emotional and feeling all their feelings for each other silently so they walked with an arm around the other. They mentally made the excuse that they needed the upright support.

Kurt showed Blaine to a coffee shop that was dim lit and played live music. They both ordered coffee and took a seat in the back. No one else was in their corner because anyone else that was there was sitting closer to the band or typing away on their laptops in a space with better lighting.

"So how was Vermont?" Blaine finally asked.

Kurt coughed. "Awful."

"Why?"

Kurt took another sip and stared into his coffee cup as if he could see his future at the bottom of the porcelain mug. "I didn't know I was dating a closet case."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean, if I knew he was still in the closet that would have been one thing, but he lied to me about it and made me believe something else." He took a gulp of his coffee and put the mug down. "Have you ever met one of those people who lower their voice and change pronouns?"

"Oh! He's one of those?"

"Yeah. He completely changed his personality. He was… well, he was an asshole."

"Not to you I hope."

Kurt wished he had another drink to avoid responding to the last comment. He huffed. "Maybe if he warned me before hand…"

"You're serious? What did he do?"

"Ignored me, snapped at me, constantly looked at me like I was a pariah and an embarrassment."

"That asshole!"

"I know."

"So what happened?"

"I walked out on him in a diner and came home." And went to Jericho where you kissed me.

"Good for you."

"There's more, but…"

"But?"

"But it's complicated."

"We've got time. I'm sure you can make me understand."

"He took me to meet his friends at this party that they were having. Blaine, I've been ogled before and I've had my share of creepy men hit on me, but, I swear, I've never felt more disgusting in my life."

"What do you mean?"

Kurt went on to explain the men at the party and how they all stared at him like he was fresh meat that everyone had to taste. He talked about how Vin thought Kurt should take it as a compliment and how Vin had slept with all of those men at one time or another.

He gulped. "Was it the number of men that Vin slept with before you that bothered you?" Blaine hoped that it wasn't because he was reflecting the situation onto himself.

"No. Have you ever been in a room full of men your boyfriend has fucked?" Blaine shook his head. "It's one thing to know a number or hear about their past, but it's quite another to actually see it all at once. It was like petting the cow and then eating the burger, knowing that you'd just seen it. Just really uncomfortable and awkward. Then pair that with the fact that all of them wanted to fuck me too."

"He took you to a gay romp?"

"I guess so." Kurt shuddered. "Two men approached us and one actually had the balls to ask Vin if he could share me." Blaine fingered the rim of his coffee mug trying to hide his disgust for how Vin had carelessly treated Kurt. "Vin looked at me like he was completely okay with it and if I wanted to go with them I could. I assume it was because he was approached by someone else himself and if one of us could partake, then the other could as well. Gross. I mean, to each his own, and all that. It's fine if that's what you want to do. Swingers, chain gangs, orgies, I don't care. It's just not my thing. Me and one guy at a time is perfect for me."

"What happened after that?"

"I asked if we could go because I wasn't comfortable and he said okay. We didn't really talk about it because I didn't want to come right out and say 'Your friends grossed me out.' They were supposed to be his friends and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by openly judging them. Mentally I was, but I didn't need to say it out loud."

"Wait. Back up a second. So Vin would have been fine with you sleeping with someone else as long as he could too?"

"I guess. That was the impression he gave me. Isn't that the point of those parties anyway? Anything goes with whomever is consenting? Maybe he thought it would be exciting or something. I don't know. I just thought it was gross. I'm not a random sex with a random guy kind of person." He immediately regretted saying that because Blaine had just confessed to being that kind of person at one point in his life. The alcohol was still making it's way through his system. He saw Blaine's eyes float down. "I'm sorry. Blaine, I wasn't judging. I swear. I didn't mean that men who do that are gross. I just mean that if I did it, I would feel gross."

Blaine itched his head. "No. I know. I just feel stupid and gross too, I guess, for doing that."

"I'm sorry. Really I am."

"It's okay." He looked back at Kurt, shoving his regret and shame back down again. "Keep going. So, what's going on with you two now?"

"After I saw you at the Jericho, I went home and he was sitting in my apartment. It scared the shit out of me. We argued and he left in the morning."

"Are you two broken up?" The tone wasn't there that Blaine was hoping for a positive answer, but he was thinking it.

"No. I thought about it, but he begged and cried. Ever see a grown man do that? He told me that one of his friends kissed him and then I told him that you and I had kissed." Blaine's eyebrows went up. "I think he only thinks that it happened once though. That's when I thought about how maybe it was time to call it quits, but you should have heard the things he said. He was so broken already. I couldn't do that. In the end we agreed that we both made some mistakes and we had some things to work on and change."

Blaine's heart sank. How is it that Vin can do all that and Kurt would still take him back when he and I were perfect…? He was suddenly angered. Yes, when would Kurt stop hurting me? He scoffed. He wasn't sure why it was now, or what made him all of a sudden feel thing way, but perhaps it was the realization that Vin could seemingly do no wrong that made him truly feel used when he and Kurt weren't even together. He licked his lips and bit his lower lip to try to keep himself from saying all the things he was thinking. It didn't work.

Kurt saw Blaine's change in facial expression and body language. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"With me?"

"Yes. You look… I don't know."

"Well, I'd tell you what was wrong with me, but I was hoping you could tell me."

"What?" Kurt looked confused and itched his nose. "I- I don't get what you're-"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong. With me?" he enunciated. "I don't get it Kurt. "You. Him. He's all wrong for you."

"Blaine, I-"

"You and me, we had a really good thing going. We were happy. You're miserable with him. He treated you like shit. Like you were meaningless to him, yet you still want to work things out with him? There was literally nothing to work out with you and me. We get each other. We're obviously attracted to each other. Fuck, Kurt. We actually talk. I like talking to you. You told me once that all he seems to want when he sees you is sex. When was the last meaningful conversation you guys had that didn't revolve around being naked?"

Kurt looked sheepish and couldn't keep eye contact with Blaine. "I thought you were okay with you and me ending it?"

"Okay? Why would I be okay with something that was beautiful and damn near perfect, ending? I only acted that way because I wanted you in my life, but what I didn't understand is just how little I mean to you."

Kurt's teal eyes went wide. "No! That's not it at all! You mean a lot to me. Blaine, you're-" He stopped himself from saying 'you're everything to me.'

"What?" Blaine asked. "You don't know how this feels, Kurt. It sucks. It sucks and it hurts. You would rather him, someone who really didn't care enough to tell you the truth than me?" He carded his left hand through his hair. "Don't you get it? He said he needs you. You're his fucking ticket out of that hell hole. He needs a place to go. Oh, look! Kurt has an empty bed. He probably doesn't give a shit about changing. If you hadn't caught him in his giant closeted lie, he'd probably be moving in with you in August and you'd be none the wiser about why you can't meet his family or go home with him for Christmas."

"That's not fair, Blaine."

"No. It isn't fair. You know what else isn't fair? You leave him and come running to me to tell me your problems with him and then rub it in my face that you're still going to stay with him." Kurt didn't have a response. "Just tell me why. Why him and not me? Or, here, something easier: Why him? Just that. Why him at all?"

He could feel the lump rising in his throat. Kurt felt he deserved this. Everything Blaine was saying was right. So, why Vin? Kurt thought. Why Vin? At the moment, he had no response. He thought of what Carol said about how Kurt has only ever chosen fixer uppers. Blaine was right….He. Was. Right. But why couldn't Kurt say it out loud?"

"Jesus, Kurt. WHY? It's a simple question. Why are you with him?" Kurt took too long once again and Blaine gave up. "You know what? Forget it." Blaine took a very large gulp of his coffee and stood up.

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and Blaine quickly pulled it away. "I'm sorry," Kurt confessed with a tear in his eye.

"Don't be. It's over." He started to turn.

"Blaine, I-" He didn't actually know what he was going to say to finish the sentence off.

"Don't. Don't apologize. Don't call me. Don't touch me. Don't look at me like I'm your lost puppy come home. It's done. You and me. We're nothing."

"No. I c-"

"You have no say in this, Kurt. I can't look at you and not feel worthless. I need to move on from this stupid fantasy that you and me will ever be a thing because I know now that we won't be." He stopped again and looked back. "You know, you'd think that you, being a psych graduate, would at least be able to answer why you choose to do the things you do. Isn't that what you people do? Answer why? Forget it." He scoffed again and took two steps. "Oh. One other thing. Don't think you're going to see me at work because I got a new job this morning. So, there. This is a clean break."

"Blaine!"

"Goodbye, Kurt." He left it at that and stomped away, leaving Kurt sitting there alone.

He knew why he didn't just leave Vin and beg Blaine for forgiveness. He knew the truth that was always there, but he was too afraid to admit it. Kurt was scared. Plain and simple. When you're with someone who needs you like Vin needs Kurt, you feel like you have the upper hand. But to be with Blaine would mean that Kurt had to be vulnerable. Blaine doesn't need Kurt. He just wanted him because he was Kurt. No strings attached, just the one to his heart.

Kurt could see himself falling for Blaine and being completely dependent on Blaine's love. It scared him more than he could say. He wanted so badly to go running after Blaine, but he couldn't. In this moment, Kurt felt that Blaine was better off without Kurt. He had to let him go.