Kurt couldn't sleep. He saw the clock. It read 3:34 AM. He tried to believe that the kiss didn't happen and when he couldn't convince himself, he got angry that he'd done such a selfish thing to both Blaine and Vin. He tried to justify his actions. When he couldn't, he cried because he didn't know what to do, who to choose, or how to make it all better. He felt like a child, ignoring the world and crying in his bed because he had done something very wrong to people he cared about. He knew it was all his fault and didn't know how it came to him becoming a cheater. Now it was in the early hours of the morning and he had finally begun to see what he did. He kissed Blaine.

He kissed Blaine and liked it. What was more than that was that Kurt wanted it. He wanted to kiss Blaine and wanted to feel his lips and his hands all over his body. By his own justification, Kurt subconsciously intended to cheat on Vin. He tried to deny it and say that it was an accident, but went back to how he'd been acting with Blaine since the first night he stayed. Hadn't he been cheating on Vin all along emotionally? Hadn't he been leading Blaine up to this? He let Blaine sleep with his arms around Kurt every night, they spend every waking minute together, they held hands, and they made sweet faces at each other. Wasn't that cheating too?

Kurt smothered himself with a pillowed and groaned into it. What am I doing? he thought. What have I gotten myself into? He never imagined himself to ever cheat on someone. Above all people, Vin. Vin loved him and treated him better than another other guy he'd ever dated or been in a relationship with. How could I do that to Vin? How could I do that to Blaine? He was at a loss and didn't know where to go from where he was at that moment.

He got out of bed and cracked the door open. He listened for Blaine's breathing and when he thought Blaine was asleep, he tip-toed into the kitchen silently and started boiling some water in a kettle. When he heard footsteps behind him, he prayed to whatever higher power there was that Puck was behind him. When he turned around, he found himself staring at Blaine.

There were no words for what was happening between them at that moment. There was only silence and their locked eyes. The whistle from the kettle broke their connection and Kurt took the kettle off the stove burner. "I'm making tea," he stated quietly. When Blaine didn't say anything in response Kurt added, "Do you want some?"

"Sure."

Kurt nodded and went to the cupboard to grab two mugs and two bags of tea. When he turned for the water, he saw Blaine pulling out a bowl of sliced lemons from the fridge that Kurt had cut up the night before this. He gently handed it to Kurt with melancholy eyes.

Kurt's heart skipped and he felt his throat closing up and a lump rising in it at the same time. "You know I like lemon in my tea." Blaine nodded. "I don't think Vin knows I like lemon in my tea."

"One slice of lemon, two sugars. You also blow on it one really long time before taking your first sip. You always make a face after the first sip that says it's too hot, but you drink it anyway." Kurt looked down at the bowl in his hands, feeling ashamed. "I also know that you only drink tea when you're stressed out or sick."

"You learned all that from staying half a week with me?"

Blaine didn't know how to take the question asked of him so he took the kettle off the stove and brought it over to the two mugs Kurt set out. He poured the hot water into the mugs and watched the water instantly turn color. He put the kettle back on the stove and Kurt caught Blaine's wrist on his way back to his mug.

"Why do you put so much effort into you and me?"

"You know why."

"I need to hear it."

"First, I need to correct you. I don't put any effort into you and me. Whatever I do, it's effortless for me. Everything with you is a natural action and progression. The only things that take effort to do are the things I hold back from doing for your sake."

Kurt put the bowl on the counter. "And second?"

"I can't help the way I feel about you. I know you have a boyfriend and I know you care about him and want to be with him, but I also know that you're conflicted and a part of you wants to be with me too. I'm not flirting with you or trying to be romantic with you because I'm trying to win you over. I'm not holding you while you sleep every night with the knowledge of how Vin would feel on my mind. I'm doing those things because I can't stop myself. I know this hurts you and I know you don't want to hurt Vin. I don't want to hurt him either, but I just can't stop feeling what I do for you." Blaine got closer to Kurt and put his hand on Kurt's cheek. He still wasn't looking at Blaine. "I'm crazy about you. You're all I think about. Don't you know that?"

Kurt finally brought his eyes up. He touched the hand that cupped his cheek. "I don't want to hurt either one of you. There is no outcome where one or both of you come out of this unscathed."

"I know. But there is also no outcome that will ever make me want to stop kissing you."

Kurt gulped. He felt that feeling again. The one he felt before he kissed Blaine earlier that night. He wanted to kiss him again. In that moment he knew that he didn't want to stop kissing Blaine either. "Blaine…" he whispered.

"I know you don't mean to hurt either of us, but I know you want me too. I can feel it. Sometimes I do feel a little strung along, but I know you don't mean it and it's just as hard for you to hold yourself back as it is for me. I can see how much this is hurting you. If I were any kind of bigger man I'd be able to walk away from this and just let you be, but I can't. There is no amount of willing myself away from you that would work." Blaine knew Kurt couldn't come out with everything he was thinking and feeling. It was obvious how much Kurt was conflicted and tortured inside, so he filled in the blanks for him. "I know exactly what this is that we're doing. It's not exactly the right thing and it's not a normal way to go about things, but it is what it is. I know in retrospect it seems easy to solve because all you have to do is pick one of us, but it's not that simple. We both care about you. You care about both of us. You can choose the guy who loves you blindly and unconditionally, or you can choose the one who knows all your secrets and adores you because and in spite of all of them." Blaine knew he sort of made himself sound better in his comparison, but what else could he do? He wanted Kurt end up being his.

"I don't know what to do," Kurt choked out, his voice hoarse and his eyes puffy. "I feel like I'm weak because I can't make a choice. I know that's really selfish of me because I'm keeping you at arms length then pulling you in and pushing you out again just as quickly. It's isn't fair to you or Vin. I'm weak."

"Maybe, but I don't care because I can wait. Maybe I'm a little weak too because I can't stay away." Kurt didn't add anything. "We're both slaves to how we feel." Kurt nodded, but still didn't say anything. "You don't have to choose right now, but you'll have to choose sometime."

"I'm s-so sorry, Blaine." His eyes welled up. "I-I don't-"

"Shh. It's okay. You may not think it is, but for me… I'm okay."

"You shouldn't have to be okay with being the one waiting in the wings."

"I know… but for now… I am okay with it. It won't last, but, right now, I can handle being you're dirty little secret."

"Don't say that about yourself."

"But it's what I am. You said you don't want to lie to me. So let's be honest about what this is. You're cheating on your boyfriend with me." Kurt stayed silent. "Say it. It may not be easy, but it'll be easier if you and I are on the same page about what we're doing."

Kurt bit his lip and looked down at his feet, ashamed. "I'm cheating on my boyfriend with you."

"What else?"

"I'm lying to my boyfriend and it scares me how easy it's becoming to do so."

"And?"

"And you're right about everything. I do want you too. When I'm not thinking about how awful I feel for what I'm doing behind Vin's back, I can't stop thinking about you. I've always been the kind of person who would rather hear the truth than any lie anyone could spin. Then I became that. I lie to Vin and I lie to myself."

Blaine cocked his head to the side a little. Kurt knew this was a precursor to Blaine's adorable curious face. "How are you lying to yourself?"

"I told myself that since I hadn't kissed you, I hadn't cheated on Vin, but, emotionally, I've been cheating on him since I realized I might have feelings for you. Then tonight… I tried to convince myself that I didn't want to kiss you again. I know I shouldn't."

"But?"

"But I want to." Kurt was staring at Blaine's lips now. He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest.

Blaine stepped closer. He was impossibly close. Kurt could feel Blaine's breath on his lips and through the dim light in the kitchen, he could see his eyes, shining like warm caramel.

Blaine softly slipped his hand onto Kurt's slender waist. He swallowed audibly.

"What are we doing?" Kurt asked softly. It was barely a whisper.

"What we've been doing: having an affair." Blaine leaned in slightly and when he was about to connect to Kurt's lips, Kurt turned his head away and looked down.

"We-I c-"

"We can. We already are. We never said any of this was morally right," Blaine closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Kurt's turned face. His lips were against Kurt's neck as he continued to speak, "just that we couldn't help what we want and how we feel."

Kurt could feel Blaine's lips on his neck and Blaine's hands on his waist. What little strength he had to stop whatever was happening was dissolving. He knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn't, but he wanted it so badly. He wanted Blaine's lips on him. He exhaled deeply and a soft moan escaped accidentally.

"Tell me to stop and I'll stop." Blaine dragged his lips up Kurt's neck in a caress. He stopped at his ear. Kurt moaned gently again. "Do you want me to stop?" He wrapped his hands around Kurt more and tighter.

Kurt was able to feel every nerve ending in his own body. He exhaled and his will broke. "No. No, don't stop." He quickly turned his head, capturing Blaine's lips between his own, moaning and pushing Blaine back into the counter.

A moan escaped Blaine's throat and turned him and Kurt so that Kurt was against the counter and lifted him onto it. Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine, locking his ankles together. Blaine's tongue slipped past his lips and into Kurt's mouth. He tangled it with Kurt's and took it back. Kurt followed Blaine's tongue with his own into Blaine's mouth.

Blaine's hands slid down Kurt's back and grabbed his ass, pulling him closer to flush their bodies together.

Kurt's heart was beating hard and he moaned, welcoming the pressure. He only broke his lips away from Blaine's long enough to grasp at the shirt on Blaine's back. "Take you're shirt off," he demanded. "I need to feel you." Blaine complied instantly and pulled the shirt over his head. After days of seeing Blaine shirtless, he was aching to finally be able to touch him. Their lips connected once more and Kurt slid his hands around Blaine's broad shoulders and back. He felt amazing.

Blaine started tugging at Kurt's shirt and Kurt helped Blaine rip it off him from over his head. Kurt went to lean back down, but Blaine stopped him momentarily. He was looking Kurt's chest, arms, and stomach over. He swallowed and ran a hand up from the bottom of Kurt's stomach to the top of his neck. "You're beautiful." Their lips met once more and their kisses became more tender and sweet.

Blaine held onto Kurt and slid him off the counter. Kurt's lips moved to Blaine's neck and Blaine carried Kurt to the couch. He sat down with Kurt still straddling his hips and moaned. Kurt had found Blaine's weak spot on his collar and was sucking on it.

Kurt probed a soft spot on Blaine's collar bone with his tongue and bite gently at the skin. He loved the sounds that were coming from Blaine. He was focused so much on what he was doing, it came as a surprise when he felt Blaine undulating beneath him, his hardness pressing against him.

"Uhng!" Blaine moaned again. "I want you so bad."

Kurt stopped abruptly and pulled the upper half of his body back. "What?"

Blaine looked both stunned and a little confused because Kurt hadn't given any indication that he wanted to stop. "Oh! I-"

"No. It's okay. I-"

"Kurt, I'm sorry-" Both men were out of breath.

"Don't be. I was-"

"We don't have to. I just-"

"It's my fault. I-"

"No. It's not a problem-"

"I'm sorry." Kurt started to scramble to get off Blaine and run back into his room again to shut himself away.

"Wait! Stop. Hold on." Blaine pleaded as he fought to keep Kurt where he was. He was able to keep Kurt in place on his lap and looked him in the eyes. "Just stop for a second. I don't want you to run away from me."

"But, I-"

"Shh!" Blaine put two fingers over Kurt's lips. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who was rushing. It's just, you're such a good kisser and the way you touched my skin was such a turn on. And, god, the sounds you make… I could get off on those alone." He added a little smile and enthusiasm in his voice to try to lighten the mood.

Blaine's efforts worked because Kurt smiled a half smile back. He was flattered by the compliment. "I've been waiting to touch you since I saw you in a towel."

Blaine's eyes glistened. "I've been waiting to touch you since the second I met you."

Kurt dipped his head back and yawned, remembered what time it was. "Have you been able to sleep at all?"

"Some. Not much."

"That's more than me. Will come back to bed with me?"

It was Blaine's turn to yawn. "I think we should pick up our shirts first."

Kurt smiled and started to crawl off Blaine again. He picked up their shirts while Blaine picked up the unused tea and lemons. They crawled into Kurt's bed and Kurt curled up against Blaine's chest. They gave each other little kisses here and there until sleep finally found them.