After Blaine and Kurt had excused themselves from the coffee shop and Blaine had kissed Derek goodbye, they drove in separate cars to Kurt's house. Burt and Carol were happy to have Blaine over for dinner as it had been a long time since he's been around the house. They dropped their coats off on the coat rack and slipped their shoes off before ending up in Kurt's bedroom upstairs.

Blaine went and sat on Kurt's bed as Kurt started pawing through his closet. He had taken his Dalton Blazer off and hung it up, along with his tie, and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt. Blaine looked on with wide eyes. For a moment he thought he was about to watch Kurt undress in front of him. He coughed to get Kurt's attention.

Kurt spun around, stopping his actions. "Oh, sorry," he said when he took in Blaine's nervous expression. "I'm used to changing my clothes right when I get home." He smiled. "When I was little, my mother would have said that I'm changing into my play clothes." He untucked his shirt and unbuttoned the rest of his shirt. He tossed it in a hamper after shrugging it off, revealing his bare arms, slightly defined and smooth, coming out of a clean, white tank-top that was so tight, it was practically stuck to his skin.

Blaine swallowed hard, never having seen Kurt showing this much skin. Sure, it was just his arms, but he was able to see the shape of Kurt's slender body and his delicateness of his upper chest. Blaine licked his lips.

Kurt took out, what appeared to be, a pre-planned outfit and turned to face Blaine again. He wore a curious expression. "Would you mind stepping out for a minute?"

Blaine shook himself from his daze. "Sure." He got up off of Kurt's bed and walked out, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the hallway wall, rubbing his face with his hands. What am I doing? he asked himself in his head. It's Kurt. Come on, Blaine, he's your friend. You've never looked at him like that before. You have a boyfriend. Derek is… he's gorgeous. Derek's your boyfriend, not Kurt. Kurt's your best friend, not someone to look at like a piece of meat. Blaine kept pushing thoughts like that through his head and trying to stop himself from thinking of Kurt's creamy, unblemished skin.

Kurt broke Blaine from his thoughts when he opened his door and invited him back in. Kurt shut the door behind them and they sat cross legged on Kurt's bed. To Blaine's relief, Kurt was fully clothed and the only shed of skin he could see were Kurt's hands, his neck, and his face. "Are you okay?" Kurt asked. "You looked frazzled."

"I'm still coming to terms with the news that you're leaving and I won't see you everyday." His remark was partly true.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"You seem to be taking this personally. Is it my safety that really bothers you or is it something else?"

Blaine thought hard about how to answer it. He didn't really even know himself. He just knew that his first instinct when he thought he wouldn't be near Kurt or seeing him everyday was to be upset. "I'm not sure. I guess I've just gotten used to seeing you whenever I want. I like having you around and I care about you. Like I said, you're my best friend." he paused. "I know it sounds childish. I feel guilty. I feel like if I made more time for you to tell me what was going on, you might not have felt the need to transfer again."

Kurt moved closer and covered Blaine's hand with his own on top of Blaine's knee. His hands are warm. Delicate and smooth. Blaine thought.

"This is not your fault and I don't see me going back to McKinley as a negative." Kurt felt like he was a parent explaining to his child why mommy and daddy aren't going to be living together anymore. "If anything, it might be better for you and Derek to not have me around so much." Blaine scrunched his face up, thinking of how to protest without sounding argumentative. "You know, third wheel and all." Kurt half smiled, knowing his defense was weak, but in some ways it was true. Derek was kind and a true friend, he never made Kurt feel like a third wheel or made him feel like his presence wasn't wanted. Kurt was the one who made himself feel unwanted because he couldn't stop himself from always coveting what wasn't his. He purposely avert his eyes when they did so little as a peck on the cheek because he wanted to be the one being kissed by Blaine.

Kurt had gotten used to turning his face away when they were affectionate because he wanted to give them their privacy. While he was in love with Blaine, he wanted him to be happy and Derek was what made him happy.

"That's not fair."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

"You were never a third wheel and if you ever felt that way, I'm deeply sorry. I always want you around and-" Blaine stopped himself. For as much as he was trying to think before he spoke, he found the words coming out on their own. He felt the words 'I hate it when you're not around' on the brim of his lips, but he rejected their exit. Where's your head? Blaine asked himself. Where is all this coming from? "I'm sorry," he confessed.

"Don't be," Kurt encouraged with a smile. He brought the hand that wasn't over Blaine's hand up to Blaine's opposing shoulder and squeezed it. "I'm happy. Really. This is what I want." He smiled again.

"No. That's not why I'm apologizing. I know you're happy to be back with your friends. I'm apologizing for how I'm acting. I'm not quite myself today. I don't know why or what side of the bed I woke up on, but I don't feel like I always do. I'm being childish. I should be happy for you and supportive."

"It's fine." Kurt let his hand drop from Blaine's shoulder and trailed it to rest on his knee so that both of his hands were on top of each knee.

Blaine felt a shiver run through him as Kurt ran his hand down his body innocently, and finally stopping at his knee. When he locked eyes with Kurt, he felt an overwhelming feeling to lean forward, but stayed where he was. "So tell me about Karofsky. What happened?"

"Well, it started that night you and I picked up Finn and Puck at that party."

"That long ago? Wait. You never said anything about seeing him that night. What happened?"

Kurt removed his hands from Blaine's knees and changed his sitting position to leaning over on one side and stretching his legs straight to get comfortable.

"This is a long story, isn't it?" Blaine asked.

"I think involved is more like it." Kurt took a breath and began talking about the night of the party that he'd kept hidden for nearly two months.

Two months prior

Kurt and Blaine had planned on a slumber party and watching movies all night while reading vogue magazines and eating junk food, when Finn had called Kurt and asked for him to pick them up at a jock party he was at with Puck. Blaine came with him and the plan was for Blaine to drive Kurt's car to Puck's house with Puck and Finn in it. Kurt was going to drive Finn's car and meet them there to pick up Blaine and drive home.

Finn's car was blocked in by cars and the only way out was to edge out over the lawn. Blaine had driven off with Finn and Puck while Kurt promised to head over as soon as he was able to edge out the car.

Kurt pressed the unlock button on Finn's fob key. No sooner than opening the driver side door did he hear a drunken voice coming from the car behind him. "Don't even think about hitting my car," said the deep, voice. This was a voice he knew. He went rigid before looking to his right to confirm the identity from the voice he knew oh-so-well. It belonged to the one person he disliked the most in the world; the one person who ran him out of McKinley High: David Karofsky.

Karofsky hadn't bothered to look at the person he was speaking to so Kurt was positive this was the reason he hadn't been shoved to the ground or stuffed inside the car. Kurt noticed Karofsky rocking back and forth, trying unsuccessfully to stick his key in the car door to unlock it. He averted his eyes and faced forward into the untrimmed shrubbery that separated the neighbor's property from this one. He should be getting into the car and locking the doors as fast as he could , but his moral side was getting the best of him. He made your life a living hell for years, he argued with himself. If you drive off and he gets into a horrible accident and hurts someone it will have been your fault for not trying to stop him. He'll probably beat you up for trying to stop him. There aren't any witness outside to stop him. Kurt sighed in defeat and shut the car door.

Kurt approached Karofsky, who was still trying to stick the key into the door. "If I gave you money would you call a taxi?" he said not knowing what else to say.

Karofsky turned his head to face his confronter. Upon seeing Kurt he scowled immediately. Damn, can I never look perfect around him? "What do you want Hummel?"

Kurt pulled out a twenty dollar bill from his wallet. "You're too drunk to drive." He put the bill in his hand. "For the sake of everyone else in this town, call a taxi."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine."

Surprised that he hadn't been punched already for disturbing him, Kurt gained a bit more courage. "Okay, you do realize that it's you swaying and not the rest of the world, right? Just call a taxi, what's the harm in that?"

Karofsky turned to Kurt, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close. "Go. Away. Don't. Help me," he said slowly.

His breath reeked of cheap beer. Stop it, Kurt thought to himself. Stop feeling sorry for him. He wanted to do exactly what Karofsky told him to; to go away; to not help. Karofsky let go of Kurts shirt, leaving two wrinkled spots on both collar bones. Almost instinctually Kurt grabbed Karofsky's car key out of his hand the moment his hands slacked on Kurt's shirt. Karofsky tried to grab them back, but Kurt jumped back quickly. "Get in the car," he ordered.

"Give me my keys," Karofsky ordered.

"Get in my car." His voice paused while continuing to back up towards Finn's vehicle. "Consider it a public service." When he reached the driver's side he watched Karofsky look around, probably looking to see if anyone would see him getting in the car of Kurt Hummel, McKinley's resident homosexual. "Ugh! No one's paying attention. Get in the car, Karofsky." Kurt was losing his patience. Karofsky locked eyes momentarily with him and stumbled over to the passenger side of the car.

After Kurt managed to maneuver his way over the lawn and off the property without hitting anything he glanced over to Karofsky, who was leaned low in his chair. "Do you think you can sit up long enough to tell me how to get to your house?" Kurt asked.

"Take a left and at the end of this road take a right."

"Gee, I would have guessed that you would have told me to go straight." Kurt was joking, but he didn't laugh at his own joke. He was being snarky and sarcastic.

"You don't have to help me," Dave answered with an attitude.

"Yes I do. If I let you drive, you would have gotten into an accident and I would feel responsible because I saw you and didn't try to stop you. If I let you walk, you'd probably never make it home until you woke up under a bridge in the morning."

"Why are you helping me? I'm not nice to you. You don't even like me."

"That is a very good question. And you're right. I don't like you."

"So why is it?"

"Because I'm better than you. I have the ability to look past your shitty disposition and still want to do something nice for a person in need."

"You think you're better than me?" Dave was starting to raise his drunk voice.

Kurt sighed and cocked his jaw to the side before answering. He didn't know why he was engaging in a conversation with a drunk person. "I am certain of it."

"What makes you so much better? You think because you're gay and dress in designer close, that makes you better?"

Kurt laughed. "Says the closeted gay guy."

"Dude, don't fucking!-"

"Did you just call me dude?" Kurt interrupted. He laughed again. "Okay, I took a right. Now where do I go?"

Dave looked around at where they were. "After this traffic light, in, like, two miles, take another right, Charles Avenue, and then an immediate left."

"Okay." Kurt drove on. He didn't try to engage in more conversation.

"This is Finn's car, right?" Dave asked after a few minutes. Kurt responded affirmatively. "I can tell."

Kurt was annoyed. "Why? Because any car I owned would be upholstered in playgirl magazines?"

"No. Because it smells like football equipment." He paused. "I assumed anything you owned would be clean and smell like febreeze or whatever."

Kurt's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Oh. Thanks, I guess?"

"Your welcome."

It took Kurt a second to realize that Karofsky was complimenting him in his own way. He licked his lips and glanced over at the broad-shouldered teen. "Why are you all of a sudden being nice to me? Five minutes ago you wanted to punch me." He didn't answer. Kurt knew it was because Karofsky couldn't think of anything other than the truth and the truth was cruel. "It's okay. Forget I asked."

"It's because we're alone and no one is around to judge me."

Kurt coughed. "I figured, but you should know that I'm judging you as we speak."

"How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Not let things get to you? You're out; everyone knows you're gay. Most people pick on you for it."

"I should point out that you and your friends are really the only ones who bully me, so it's not most people. Just you."

Dave looked bothered by the fact that Kurt brought to the forefront of his mind. He shook it off to continue the conversation that he didn't know why he was having in the first place. "Anyway, you deal with it everyday and brush it off with a comeback. How do you do it?"

"Because I don't care what you think. Once I stopped caring what everyone thought and started seeing myself for who I am, I started liking myself. I am no different than anyone else and I deserve to be me, whoever that is, regardless of idiots like you and your friends. Plus, it's only high school and all you assholes never succeed in life anyway after you realize that you're not the hometown hero anymore. I'll go on and become something great. You and you're friends will probably stay in Lima the rest of your lives and get drunk in the local bar, talking about how awesome you once were."

"You don't think too highly of me, do you?"

Kurt made a disbelieving face. He tried not to laugh, but failed. "No. Sorry for laughing. It's not your future that I find funny. That I find sad actually. It's that you had to ask that question. How could you treat me the way you do and think for a second that I'd respect or think anything close to high regards towards you?"

"I guess I never thought about it."

It was strange. This whole time, Kurt's pretty much done nothing, but insult Karofsky and not once did he feel like he was going to get hit. Their conversation sounded almost friendly, if not for the backhanded insults Kurt threw at him. "This is where you live?" Kurt asked as he looked around at the line of houses in the cul-de-sac. All of the houses were epitome of suburban living and even in the dark, Kurt could tell that not one weed grew on any of the lawns. Each piece of property was pristine. Based on Dave's disposition, he didn't think he grew up as a member of a upper middle class family.

"Yeah. Third house on the right, once you get to the round about."

Kurt drove up the driveway and didn't attempt a "goodnight" or "see you in school." Dave tried to open the door, but was unable to do so.

"Oh damn. That door sticks sometimes. Hold on." Kurt jumped out of the driver's side door and pulled the passenger side door open for Dave to get out. When Karofsky climbed out and stood up, Kurt flinched out of habit because Dave's stature was much taller and wider than his own.

Dave shut the door and stood in front of Kurt. "Thanks," he muttered.

How do I answer that? Kurt wondered. No problem? Anytime? I'd rather get thrown in a dumpster than do this again. He settled for "You're welcome."

Kurt was trying to will his feet to move and get back in the car, but something was making his feet stay put. "I may just be saying this because I'm drunk, but I'm sorry for that day in the locker room."

Kurt knew exactly what Dave was talking about. "I wish you wouldn't have kissed me." He wanted to say so much more, but he wanted to leave more than he wanted to yell at him. His feet still wouldn't move.

"That was the first time I ever kissed a guy."

"Me too." The words were out faster than he could process them and he wished he could take them back.

"What did it feel like?"

Kurt couldn't believe the conversation he was having. He was uncomfortable, but couldn't stop talking. "Wrong."

"Because I'm a guy?"

"No. Because I don't have feelings for you. A first kiss is supposed to be romantic and mutual. Not forced upon you."

"You don't feel wrong about being attracted to another guy?"

"Why would I? I was born this way. Why would it be wrong? Because some idiot says so?" Then Kurt caught what Dave said. He said 'another guy' and not 'other men.' He was being specific. One guy. Kurt? Then, just as before, the words were out before he could stop them. "Why did you kiss me?"

Karofsky shuffled his feet slightly and lowered his head so that he wasn't looking at Kurt. "Because I wanted to. You were yelling at me and not backing down. You were so close to my face and I got overwhelmed with everything that was happening and I just did it."

"You wanted to kiss me?" Kurt asked it slowly.

"Yes."

Kurt was suddenly aware of how close they were standing in proximity to each other. A shiver ran thought him. He was nervous. All of his previous confidence was gone. "Why? You throw me in the dumpster and give me slushie facials all the time. Why would you want to kiss me?"

Karofsky then turned his eyes up to look Kurt in the face. In that one look Kurt knew the answer. He didn't have to say it out loud. Karofsky picked on Kurt because he was the little boy on the playground pushing the little girl in the sand box or pulling on her pigtails. Dave bullied Kurt because he had a crush on him and was trying to hide it the only way he knew how.

"Why?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Because you're everything I want to be."

"I can't believe we're having this conversation."

"I know." Dave looked up and saw the moon and traced its light down onto Kurt's face. He could feel his buzz breaking and starting to feel like himself again. "How do you compliment a dude?"

"I don't know. It depends I guess."

"If you wanted to tell that prep kid you're around all the time that he looks nice in the moonlight, how would you say it?"

Kurt caught on to what Dave was trying to ask. "You don't have to tell me that."

"But I want to."

"Then just used whatever word comes to you. Words are only gender specific if you make them that way."

"In that case then I was going to tell you that your skin is really beautiful under blue light. It makes your skin look smooth like porcelain."

"Don't say things like that to me."

"Why?"

"Because I don't like you."

"Are you with that prep school kid?"

"Blaine. His name is Blaine."

"Are you with him? His boyfriend?"

"No. We're friends."

"With benefits?"

"No. Just friends." Kurt was annoyed and almost offended at the accusation.

"Then can I kiss you again?"

"No!"

"Why?"

"Haven't you been listening to a word I said? I don't like you."

"I'm sorry." Karofsky didn't stray his eyes at all. He was still staring straight into Kurt's teal eyes.

Kurt was stunned at the sudden apology. He'd never heard him apologize for anything before. Kurt almost felt sorry for him. He was just sad and pathetic. "One kiss? One kiss and you leave me alone and let me go home?"

Karofsky looked like a kid on Christmas morning who'd just seen that he got a shiny red bicycle. "Yes. Just one. I'll leave you alone."

"Fine." Kurt didn't know what he was expecting. A peck maybe. A rough touch of their lips like last time maybe. Certainly not what actually happened.

Dave stepped forward, putting his left hand on Kurt's hip and glancing quickly around simultaneously. He was gentle in bringing Kurt to him, not harsh like before. Then he brought his right hand up to the left side of Kurt's neck and cupped it as he lowered his face to Kurt's.

Karofsky's lips were soft and gentle. He inhaled slowly, as if breathing in the moment to keep. He parted his lips slightly, just enough to get a hint of how Kurt tasted.

Kurt was surprised at the second feeling of Karofsky kissing him. He wasn't enjoying it specifically, but he did have to admit to himself that it was nice to feel what it was like to kiss a boy and it was nice to feel wanted by someone, even if that someone wasn't someone you wanted back. He let Dave turn his head to the other said and capture his lips again. He was trying to not let himself fall into kissing him back too fervently, but the longer the moment lasted, the more he wanted to be an active participant. He tastes like beer, he thought, but that was easily overlookable. His wall was crumbling. What the hell. Might as well get my kicks somewhere. With that last thought, Kurt brought his hands up to Dave's shoulders and pulled himself up against the football player's chest.

Karofsky responded by dropping the hand that was holding Kurt's face down to his waist and wrapped it around to bring him closer. He brushed his tongue along Kurt's bottom lip.

Kurt was surprised. He's asking permission, he thought. None of what he's doing is forceful at all. He's been asking all along before doing. He parted his lips and gently sucked in Dave's top lip. He released it, pressed his lips to Dave's again and, as if it were a choreographed dance, they parted this lips together, fitting them together like puzzle pieces. Their tongues touched for a second only and Kurt felt the vibrations in Karofsky's lips from a silent moan. Kurt could feel one creeping up this throat and he was brought back to reality. No, he thought loudly. He had allowed himself the simple pleasure of feeling was it was like to be truly kissed by a boy, but he refused to allow himself to be turned on enough to moan for Dave Karofsky of all people. This is the guy who bullied you relentlessly to hide his own sexuality. Do NOT give him the satisfaction of knowing you're enjoying this. Then it dawned on him. He was enjoying this. He was enjoying how Karofsky made him feel to be kissed by a boy. He began to cringe at his realization. He pulled his face back and turned his head. When he felt Dave's lips on his neck he began pushing him away.

Dave got the hint and backed off, looking like a confused puppy, but still holding onto Kurt. They were slightly out of breath and flushed from their connection. Kurt waited a few beats before pushing himself further out of Dave's arms and rushed over to the driver's side door without a word.

"Kurt. Wait."

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone," he said hurriedly as he swung open the door.

"No. Wait. That wasn't what I was going to say."

Kurt stopped when he heard the sound of Dave's hands plop on top of the car.

"You said if I let you kiss me, you'd let me go."

"I…" Dave paused. There was a look on his face that Kurt couldn't place. It looked sad, regretful, yearning. It made Kurt feel sorry for him again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Kurt didn't know what else to say. He didn't know thank you was something someone said after a kiss, but then again, maybe Karofsky was thanking him for more or something else.

"I'm sorry," Dave said for the second time that night.

Kurt inhaled deeply and exhaled just as deep. "Good night, Dave." He got into the car and drove like hell to Puck's house.

Back in Kurt's room with Blaine

"That's why you took so long?" Blaine asked once Kurt's story was done. "You were kissing Karofsky?" He said 'kissing' like the word was going to produce toxic waste.

Kurt tried to overlook and downplay the part about kissing him. "Well, I was late because I drove him home, but that happened too, I guess. And he kissed me, not the other way around." When Kurt told the story he wasn't as detailed as his memory was and simply said that he let Karofsky kiss him in exchange for leaving him alone. He wasn't as specific as telling Blaine that he enjoyed making out with Dave.

"Kurt, why didn't you tell me? You could have told me."

"When? When could I have told you that I let Dave Karofsky kiss me?"

"You could have told me that night."

"I was too busy trying to forget it happened. I'm not proud of it, Blaine."

"Why did you do it? He wasn't forcing you to stay. Why did you let him?"

Kurt refrained from saying the first thing that came to his mind. Because I wanted to kiss you, but you don't want me, so I settled for him. He thought really hard and felt his face falling. He was embarrassed. Kurt stood up off his bed and walked over to his window and looked outside at the sun that was just beginning to set. His heart was beating loudly. "I wanted to feel was it was like to be kissed by a boy." He exhaled audibly. "The only point of reference I have for kissing is Brittany and Karofsky. One's a girl and the other was forced." He could feel the lump rising in his throat, but knew that there were no tears to go with it and turned to face Blaine. "I'm lonely… okay? I want to love somebody and be loved back just like anybody else."

Blaine immediately felt guilty for having Derek in his life. He had a gorgeous boyfriend waiting for him back at the dorms where, once Blaine got back, he'd be greeted with a hug and a kiss and a comment about missing him. Kurt didn't have that. Before today, when was the last time Kurt was hugged, really hugged? When was he complimented and made to feel special? Blaine thought. He felt for Kurt. He felt sorry for him and saw his pain.

Blaine got up off the bed and walked to Kurt. He wanted to hold him. He didn't know what was stopping him. Instead things took a different turn. "There's so much more, Kurt. You just have to be patient. Someone will come along who will deserve you and you'll see the difference in what a real kiss is and what you did with Karofsky."

"You're saying that Dave and I weren't really kissing?"

"No. Maybe. Yes," Blaine was talking franticly. "A real kiss is so much more than just putting your lips against someone else's."

"Really because it sure felt like it." Kurt was getting upset because he had just expressed something very personal to Blaine and was getting very obviously upset about his reasons for doing it, and Blaine was trying to tell him that it didn't mean anything, when it meant so much to Kurt. Despite who he did it with, it was the first time he felt wanted and needed like that. If nothing at all, it meant a lot more to Dave, his newfound friend. He remembered the look on Dave's face. Dave wanted more from him. Dave did not want to stop kissing him when Kurt stopped him.

"No. You wouldn't understand because you haven't been kiss by someone you wanted to be kissed by."

"Oh, so because I don't have a Derek Fuller in my life, that means I couldn't possibly know what it feels like to be wanted completely?" Kurt was sounding accusatory. "How do you know that's not how Dave felt? He asked to kiss me, remember? How do you know he didn't want me completely?"

"That's not what it was, Kurt! It wasn't a kiss; it was a lie." He stepped closer to Kurt trying to get him to understand. The tension was thick between them. Their voices were raised and full of emotions. Kurt was defensive while Blaine was trying to sound comforting, but knew it wasn't coming out right.

Kurt took a step closer too and when they stood this close it was apparent just how much taller Kurt was to Blaine. Now they were inches apart. They could feel each other's breath on their faces. "And how long do I have to be patient? How long do I have to wait to have a kiss from someone that you'll deem as a real kiss?" Kurt was making Blaine panic. His blood was growing hot and he felt cornered. He knew his brain would shut down soon and he wouldn't be able to talk in a way that would make sense, if he'd be able to talk at all. "Who is it going to be, Blaine? Who is going to want to kiss me like Derek wants to kiss you? Are you going to be there, oh wise one, to tell me if it was real of not? Where would I be able to find you when I need to know if what I felt was right? How will I know what it feels like?" Blaine was beginning to cower. He'd never seen Kurt this angry. He felt himself losing control. "How, Blaine? HOW!"

Blaine snapped and pushed Kurt up against the window. His face got really close to Kurt's and he put one hand over Kurt's heart. He waited a second to find words. Both boys were startled and breathing heavy. "It feels," He pressed himself against Kurt, "like this." Kurt inhaled sharply. "There's a small fear inside you because what if he doesn't want you like you want him? Your heart beats so hard you swear it will escape from your chest. There's a moment where your faces are so close, but your eyes stay locked together to make sure that this is what both of you want. You can feel him breathing hot and wet and it makes you want him more." Blaine brought his face closer to Kurt's and knew that if he'd brought it any closer, he'd be kissing him. "And then just before he puts his lips to yours, there's a hesitation that makes you very aware of every nerve ending in your lips because they're begging to be massaged by his. You want him. You want him so badly it hurts."

Kurt wanted to cry. He wanted Blaine to stop what he was doing. He wanted Blaine to stop torturing him because he did. He did want Blaine. He wanted him so badly that it hurt. He wanted him so badly that he kissed Karofsky because he thought Blaine never would and wanted to know just once what it felt like. Kurt could feel the heat radiating off of Blaine and it took every ounce of will power he had not to press his lips to Blaine's and kiss him with everything he had left in him.

But then Finn broke the tension. "Kurt! Blaine! Dinner!" he called from downstairs.

Blaine snapped out of his insanity and with wide eyes stepped away from Kurt. He was horrified at what he'd just done. How he'd just acted.

Kurt looked away and straightened his clothes out. His heart was crashing against his rib cage. He walked past Blaine towards the door and just as he passed by him completely, Blaine caught his hand. He was gentle now. Kurt looked him in the eyes and saw the emotion in them.

"I'm sorry," Blaine said. "I don't…"

"Me too," was all Kurt said.

Blaine dropped his hand and they walked downstairs to join Kurt's family for dinner.

Dinner was mostly eaten in silence when it came to Kurt and Blaine. They were still coming off of the excitement from earlier and didn't really say anything to anyone, despite Burt's ongoing chatter about his day and Carol's continuous questions for the boys about theirs. Carol explained that she had bought one of those pints of ice cream that she knew Kurt and Blaine liked to share whenever he came over. Kurt thanked Carol, but flicked his eyes over to Blaine because he wasn't sure how long Blaine would want to stay after embarrassing them both.

Afterwards, the two boys walked back up to Kurt's room and sat in silence. "Do you want me to leave?" Blaine asked after a while.

"No," Kurt answered honestly. "Why did you do that?" he asked gently.

"I snapped. I felt cornered and I panicked. I wanted to make you understand, but I wasn't in control of myself. I am so sorry, Kurt. Please don't stay mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?"

"No. Just confused, I guess."

"Confused, how?"

Kurt licked his lips. He felt his face getting flushed. "I- I feel a little embarrassed saying why."

"No more embarrassed than I am for what I did. You can tell me anything, Kurt."

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "I-I wanted you to kiss me."

Blaine looked down. "I know. I wanted you to. I wanted you to know what it felt like to want someone like they wanted you. When Karofsky kissed you, you didn't want to kiss him."

"But I didn't feel that. Now all I know is how he felt. I wanted to kiss you. You didn't want to kiss me."

Blaine looked into Kurt's eyes very strongly. "Don't do that to yourself." Kurt wasn't understanding. "Do you think I could do something like that to you and not feel something myself? I could never be that cruel to you."

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "You wanted…?

"Of course! Kurt, I wanted to kiss you so badly. I wanted you to know what it felt like to really be kissed by someone who cares for like you care for them. You're my best friend, Kurt. Up until today, I hadn't thought about what it must be like for you to see Derek and I together everyday."

For a second Kurt's heart was happy, thinking that Blaine could have possibly wanted to kiss him, but then he understood properly. Blaine only wanted to kiss him as a friend. He quickly composed himself. "It's not like that, Blaine. I'm happy for you and Derek. I want you to be happy."

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt. "I want you to be happy too, Kurt. I want you to be with someone who will love you with everything they have and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You're amazing. You deserve that back."

Kurt hugged Blaine back and closed his eyes. In his mind, he thought, I deserve you. He pushed the thought from his mind and released Blaine. "Now that we have that settled, why don't we grab that ice cream. I think this months Vogue just came in."

"Oo! Good call!"

The only thing Kurt was thankful for was that the moment they had earlier would not be what ruined their friendship. Things would go back to normal and Blaine would smile at him again. Kurt would continue on the way he was and Blaine would never know that earlier was not the first time Kurt wanted to be kissed by him.