Dec. 3, 2011, 5:31 p.m.
Bluebird: Chapter 10
E - Words: 1,415 - Last Updated: Dec 03, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 31/? - Created: Sep 09, 2011 - Updated: Dec 03, 2011 579 0 1 0 0
Kurt sat in his car with the engine off and thrashing the wheel with his hands. He was rocking back and forth. "No!" He screamed. "No no no no!" Tears were streaming down his face. He hiccoughed. "Why? Fucking why? God damnit, Blaine! You ruined everything!"
In Kurt's mind, Blaine and Kurt could never be friends again or be as they once were because Blaine would calm down and figure out that he wasn't be truthful. He was only upset from being dumped by his first boyfriend and craved a warm body. This was how Kurt saw it. It would be awkward to be around each other from now on. Especially for Kurt. Kurt was in love with Blaine, no matter how much Zach was able to make him forget about it, but hearing Blaine say how he feels when he's not thinking clearly was something he couldn't deal with. He couldn't bare to hear Blaine say "I love you" and then take it back with an "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly." Since the moment they met, Kurt yearned to feel what it would be like to have Blaine's lips on his, but to be the rebound of his best friend and then discarded, was heart wrenching.
That was Kurt's only scenario in his head. Whatever Blaine said or did, he would take it back as an accident. Kurt saw no other way things would turn out.
Kurt sniffled. "I love him, not the other way around." Kurt was sure of this. He couldn't find any cause to believe the latter. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't vent to anyone because the person he would normally call was Blaine. He didn't want to go home because he didn't want anyone to see him like this. He'd have to explain and he didn't want to go through all of it with his family members. Zach might have been a possibility, but discussing Blaine kissing him with the person who kissed him on the cheek earlier and was supposed to go on a date with, somehow didn't seem right. Mercedes wouldn't understand. Rachel would make it about her. He was stuck.
He coughed and wiped his face time after time before he heard his phone ringing. He was thankful that it was a text message because he was in no space to talk right now. He looked at the screen. "Dave."
D- Just got done with practice. Can I take you out for ice cream later as a welcome back?
"Gah!" Kurt yelled. "What the fuck!" It wasn't Karofsky that was bothering him. It was the growing number of men in his life that complicated everything. There was Blaine, who made him feel used, Zach, who he liked and liked him back and didn't make him feel pressured, and Dave, who he never knew where they stood and never wanted to find out.
He suddenly found himself hating all three of them at the moment even though none of them are to blame, while at the same time, all three of them are almost completely to blame. Except Zach maybe, Zach really hadn't done anything wrong. Zach was only a problem because Kurt liked him enough to be a distraction from his problems with Blaine. Blaine was one hundred percent completely to blame, while at the same time, hurting and not able to think clearly. Kurt had just made him worse by screaming at him and denying his supposed feelings. And Dave… Kurt was constantly stopping Dave from ever saying anything serious and downplaying any flirtation as a joke.
Kurt wanted this feeling to go away. He wanted them suffer. For no reason, he wanted all of them to feel as he felt. He knew it was wrong, but couldn't stop himself from wanting it. He took a few breaths. When he could finally see past the tears again he typed out a message. K- I'm probably not the best person to be around right now. Maybe some other time.
He got an immediate response back.
D- What's wrong? Is it Zach? I swear I'll kick the shit out of him if he did something.
K- No. Not Zach. I don't actually want to talk. I'm just having a lot of feelings right now and I don't know what to do with them and I don't trust myself around people right now because I can't promise to be nice or rational or even to make sense.
D- Come see me anyway. I'm a good punching bag.
K- Stop being nice to me. I'm not nice to you.
D- Okay. I spent forever being mean to you. I can handle you yelling at me and beating me up emotionally. I can tell that you shouldn't be alone right now. I'm going to hit the showers, when I'm finished I'll meet you in the locker room. Everyone will be gone and the acoustics will be perfect for yelling.
K- I don't want to use you to kill my rage.
D- I want you to use me…
K- That's not funny
D- It's not supposed to be. I'm being honest. I want you to use me. Using me for whatever reason in any sense of the word, lets me know where I stand. It lets me know a lot of things like if you trust me or don't think much of me. I want to be here for you. Whatever you need.
K- the locker room? Really?
D- : ) I'm wearing on you. : ) Where are you?
K- Dalton.
D- So it was Blaine… Promise me you're on your way here.
Kurt took a deep breath, still feeling like he was about to jump out of his skin because now he'd moved into feeling angry. He didn't want to be pacing in his room. He didn't know where else to go. He needed to hit something. He needed to move forward and not stay in the same spot. He had aggression and needed to get it out. He made a decision. K- I am leaving and on my way there now… promise…
Forty minutes later, Kurt was parking his car in the parking lot to the school and Karofsky was right. The school was deserted. Only one car was in the lot with him and he knew it belonged to Dave. Forty minutes of stewing in the car and having road rage at idiot drivers, only made Kurt feel more angry. He was angry at Blaine for stealing their perfect friendship away and for using him. He was angry at Derek for making Blaine so sad. He was angry at Zach for making him like him so much, which didn't make sense, but Kurt wasn't into rationalizing at the moment. He was angry at the rest of his friends for not being able to understand how he feels, which was also a thought that didn't make sense, but hell, if he was going to blame the world for his problems, then he was going to be thorough about it. Lastly, he was angry at Dave for being so damn accessible and easy to be mean to. If Dave offered to be his punching bag, Kurt was going to take full advantage of it. He didn't know what he was going to do when he saw him, but he knew that whatever he did, Karofsky was going to regret ever bullying him and wanting anything to do with him. Karofsky was going to pay for everything anyone has ever done to him. That was Kurt's thought process. Someone was going to leave crying… and it wasn't going to be Kurt. He resolved to that.
But when Kurt opened the door to the locker room and saw Dave sitting on a bench and putting things away in a duffle bag, he remembered that things NEVER go as he planned.
Dave looked up at the door when it opened and saw Kurt's face. He stopped what he was doing, knowing that the face of an angel that he usually saw was clearly not the person that walked in the locker room just now. When he offered himself up as a punching bag, he never thought that Kurt would actually hit him. Oh shit, he thought. Now he was sure that if Kurt let him live, he'd be leaving in a stretcher. He's going to ruin me, he thought.
Kurt said nothing, but did two things when he walked over to the bench Karofsky sat on.
Kurt kicked the duffle bag full of the football player's things to the floor
…and he kissed him… hard.
Comments
Whoa!!!! I did NOT see that cliff hanger coming in!!!! Poor confused Kurt!!! Loved the suspense though!! :)