I almost tensed up when I heard him, so much that I actually jumped where I stood.

He laughed and gave me a look. “Did I scare you?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing wanted to come out.

“I—what? Y-yeah. Yeah you did. Sorry, I was deep in thought.”

He raised an eyebrow as he came up the stairs. “What's on your mind?”

“Just---I miss Dad and ---the weather's kind of got me down. All of this rain completely wiped out my mood---and to top things off, Lila got sick today.”

I stepped side so he could come in. He didn't say anything as he passed by, setting his work satchel down in the foyer before going into the kitchen. I followed behind him, completely forgetting about Lila enjoying her cookie.

He looked at her eating the crumbs from her napkin.

 “Hey Liles…” he said before gently mussing her hair. She tensed at his touch and glared back at him, her eyes tiny little daggers attempting to pierce his soul.

“Please don't call me that. I'm not a boy.”

“But I always call you Liles.”

She huffed. “I know…and I don't like it!”

Andy plucked her from off of the stool, her legs kicking the whole time, and stood her up. “Are you really going to speak to me that way, young lady?”

Lila stomped, getting angrier by the minute. “I'm not a young lady! I'm a little girl!”

I could tell Andy was getting upset. He always did when it came to the kids and between you and me; he wasn't exactly an ideal disciplinarian. Instead of killing them with kindness and a firm voice, Andy yelled. Before he could blow up, I tried my best to intervene.

“Andy, she's just tired. She hasn't been feeling well since she came home. Just---let it go.”

“No, Kurt. She isn't going to speak to me that way,” he said, turning back at me, jaw incredibly tense. “Lila, go to your room.”

As she stormed off, she turned back to give him one last glance. “Mr. Blaine would never say those things to me!”

Her little feet stomped all the way up the stairs and once she reached her room, the sound of the door slamming rang out in the hall.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Was that really necessary, Andy? She's 6, sweetheart. Sometimes she gets a little fussy when she's tired, you know that.”

Still irritated, he turned to me again, halfway leaning on the island. “Who's Mr. Blaine?”

As I felt the sensation of a small kiss touch my cheek, I snapped out of it.

“I'm home.”

I looked up at him. “So you are…it's good to see you.”

“You too.”

He walked past me, into the house, and up the stairs to his office. I followed suit and closed the front door behind me and walked into the kitchen to find my baby girl with cookie crumbs all over her mouth covertly trying to grab another. I walked up behind her and tickled her ribs.

“What do you think you're doing, monkey?” I asked playfully.

She giggled. “Nothin'.”

“Yeah, I bet.” I replied with a grin. “Do you still want to help me with dinner?”

She turned around and wrapped her little arms around me. “Would it be okay if I played with my paints instead? Pretty please?”

I kissed the top of her head. “Of course you can.”

She gave me one final squeeze and looked up at me with fond eyes. “Je taime, Papa.”

I smiled tenderly and stroked over her hair. “Je taime aussi, mon ange.”

As I turned her loose, she skipped out of the kitchen and off to her playroom. I took a deep breath and began to wonder what the hell I was going to do. Things were just getting started and I was already beginning to feel like I was getting in over my head.

Without missing a beat, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and proceeded to send a text to Blaine.

Are we really going to do this? If we are, I need to know that you're going to be here for me.  We both know this isn't going to be easy. I already feel like I'm drowning without you.

I stared down at the device in my hand and pressed send before I could give it too much thought.  Leaning back against the counter, I closed my eyes, and tried to calm myself down. Within a few seconds, my phone rang out with a new, yet familiar chime.

From Blaine: You're not alone in this, Kurt. I chose this just as much as you did.

I began breathing a little harder and another text came in.

From Blaine: This is what I want. You and me. Us. This…and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it work. I promise. I can't lose you again.

I can't lose you again.

Those five little words haunted me and I couldn't seem to shake them. They clung to my soul like demons out of my past and made me ache. It was in that moment that I truly came to realize that no matter Blaine had hurt me in the past, a life without him hurt far more than I had ever imagined possible.

I clutched my phone to my chest before typing out a reply.

Okay.

The rest of the evening was relatively quiet. While Andy fought for pizza (or what I considered a meal void of nutrition for the time at least for the time being), we settled on roasted lemon chicken with risotto and freshly sautéed green beans. After the cookie fiasco and yet another cookie before dinner (Bad Daddy!), I didn't want to risk Lila having another bout of tummy upset before bed. Once dinner was over, I helped my little angel get washed up and ready for bed. Two bedtime stories and a kiss goodnight, she was fast asleep and I was free to take shower, moisturize, and do the same.

I stayed under the hot water for far too long, but it was just what I needed…even if my pores wouldn't be thanking me later. Throughout my nightly routine, I couldn't get my mind off of Blaine. As I applied moisturizer to my face, my phone vibrated gently on the counter of the vanity.

It was a text from Blaine.

I know he's probably with you, but I couldn't go to bed without telling you goodnight. I miss you so much. Sleep well. I hope I see you in my dreams.

My heart fluttered as I typed a reply.

I miss you too…more than words can say. Text me when you wake up? I lov—

There it was on my screen; the beginning of three little words: I love you.

It was too soon. What was I doing?

Without giving it another thought, I quickly deleted the four letters and typed up a new text.

I miss you too…more than words can say. Text me when you wake up? If you find me in dreamland, dance with me? You always were light on your feet.

Exactly 22 seconds later, I received another text.

From Blaine: Only with you, my love. Goodnight. <3

To Blaine: Goodnight <3

I smiled and slipped my phone into the pocket of my yoga pants before going into the bedroom and turning down my side of the bed.

Once I was settled and halfway through a new issue of East Coast Living, Andy walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. After he partially dried off, he plopped down on the bed and scooted closer to me, hair still slightly dripping from not being completely toweled dry.

“Is Lila asleep?” he asked.

I nodded, turning a page. “Yep. Has been for almost an hour now.”

“And the boy?”

I tried not to roll my eyes as I turned the next page more ardently than before.

“He's staying with Preston tonight.”

He moved up the bed and curled his body into mine, nuzzling against my neck as I continued to flip through page after page.

“So…he's not home…and Lila's asleep….what do you think? Do you want to---?”

I laid my magazine down in my lap.

“Do I want to what?”

He moved the magazine and tossed it into the floor, losing the page that I'd only been half looking at, and crawled on top of me.

“I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to fuck you right now.”

He leaned down and nipped at my bottom lip.

“So…what do you say?”

I sighed and leaned back against my pillow. “Not tonight, Andy.”

Looking hurt and slightly agitated, he moved off of me and back to his side of the bed.

“This is why we don't have sex, Kurt. You're never emotionally open.”

I sat up straight and looked at him. “I'm not emotionally open? I'M not emotionally opened? Forgive me If I don't want to be emotionally open when you're calling me a dirty slut in bed.”

“I thought we talked about trying new things.”

I scoffed. “We did! But the least you could do is consult me about it first. I mean, Jesus, Andy! The last time I tried to give you a blowjob you told me to choke on it!”

He rolled his eyes. “Stop being so melodramatic. You know I didn't actually mean for you to literally choke on it.”

“But do you think it's sexy?” I argued. “Do you think that turns me on?”

He sighed. “You tell me.”

“Yes, Andy”, I replied sarcastically. “because it's really been working out for you, hasn't it?” I sighed, disgusted. “Put some clothes on.”

“I'll sleep this way if I want to. It's my god damn bed too.”

He stood up and went to the dresser, pulling out a pair of boxers and tugging them on quickly. “Six months, Kurt. It's been six months since we've had sex and sometimes I wonder if you even care.”

By the time what he said registered in my mind, I was too far-gone. I was pissed. “Alright fine!” I shouted as I threw back the sheets and comforter. “You want to have sex so badly, come on then!” I haphazardly tugged off my pants and threw them at him, my manhood not the slightest bit interested in what he was offering. “Well come on, Andy. What are you waiting for? Fuck me.”

I turned over, grabbed the bottle of lube out of the drawer of my nightstand, and threw it at him.  “Come on!”

His face grew soft. “Kurt, stop.” He walked over to my side of the bed and tried to wrap his arms around me. I resisted at first, but eventually gave in to his touch. Tears began to sting my eyes. I was angry, hurt…scared. Things were just beginning with Blaine and they were already beginning to affect my interactions with my husband.

He kissed the top of my head. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed and you're right…I should have asked before. That was wrong of me.” As he held me, small rivers began to stream down my cheeks. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I started to calm down. Slowly he started to kiss me more deeply, leaning me back against the bed and before I could stop it, I lost myself.

We had sex that night…and I thought of Blaine the entire time. When it was all said and done, I cried myself to sleep, wishing that I could falling asleep in the arms of the man I longed for and hoped that once sleep decided to take me that I'd find him in my dreams.

The next morning, Andy left immediately after breakfast to hit the gym and go “hang with the boys”. No sooner than he was out the door, I scrolled through my phone and called Blaine.

It only took a few minutes for it to ring, but the man on the other end of the phone was far more tired than I had expected.

“Mmmm…h-hello?” he said as he yawned.

“Well, good morning to you too, Sleepyhead. Decide to sleep in this morning?”

He chuckled softly. “What time is it?”

“8:30”, I replied matter-of-factly.

“Sleeping until 8:30 is sleeping in? Since when?” he asked playfully.

“Since you decided to get old.”

“You're old too, you know.”

He was smiling. I could tell by the sweetness of his tone.

“You must be mistaken. I never age.”

He laughed. “That's right. My mistake. We all turn old and gray and Mr. Kurt Hummel drinks from the fountain of youth and lives forever.”

“And don't you forget it,” I said cheerfully.

He yawned again and from what it sounded like on my end, had a very delicious morning stretch. “What are your plans for the day?”

I smiled as I stirred eggs for Lila who had also decided to stay in bed longer than the rest of us.

“Oh, not too terribly much. Take Lila to the park, avoid my husband, pick up Devon, take the kids to Leslie's and then have a hot, afternoon lunch date with my secret lover. Just a normal day.”

Blaine was silent on the other end and I didn't know why.

“Blaine?”

After a minute or two, he softly replied. “Who's Devon?”

Oh god. I hadn't told him. At the restaurant I had told him all about Lila and I didn't---oh my god.

“He's---my son.”

“Devon?”

“Devon.”

The line was quite for another minute. “Devon…and is he named after anyone special?”

I sat the bowl on the counter. “He is. He's named after two people that I love very much.”

“Two people?”

“Devon Burt Hummel.”

“I---why didn't you tell me?” he murmured.

“It slipped my mind.”

He laughed tenderly. “You named him after me? After my middle name?”

“Just like I named Lila after your grandmother.”

“Facetime with me. I need to see you.”

I cackled. “Oh, no no no. No way.”

“Please?” he cooed.

“No. Not gonna happen. I'm in Dad mode and haven't even had a shower yet. I'm in no way presentable for video chat.”

“Kurt…”

“The answer is no, Blaine.”

“I'm sure you look wonderful,” he cooed a second time. “You always did first thing in the morning and I'm sure you look just as gorgeous as you normally do.”

“You just want to see me.”

He hummed softly in content. “I do---but only because I---“

“Ah-ah-ah, what did we say about that?”

“You realize I die a little inside every time you deny me…and if you were on video chat you'd be able to see my adorable face giving you a look to make you feel as guilty as possible for holding me back.”

“You're not that adorable.”

“I'm not?”

I rolled my eyes as I reached for the juice and smiled. “Okay…maybe just a little.”

“Daddy? Is that juice?”

I looked over my shoulder. Lila was awake.

I covered the phone. “Yes, sweetie…go sit down at the table and I'll get you a glass, okay?”

“Still with me?” he asked.

“I am. Lila's awake, though, so duty calls.”

“About lunch…is it safe to pick you up?”

I mulled it over, wondering when Andy would be home. He wasn't ever one to call to say if he was going to be early or running behind. As much as I wanted him here, I couldn't take the risk.

“Maybe I should come to your place. Would that be okay?” I asked, pouring the orange juice for my sleepy little angel.

“That's perfectly fine. Text me later with a time that works for you?” he replied, the light sound of his sheets crinkling in the background.

“I will. Miss you already.”

“I miss you even when you're in my arms.”

Ever the hopeless romantic, he never failed to steal my heart.

I quickly pecked the phone and then immediately hung up, hoping he hadn't heard me.

Lila wandered into the kitchen, rubbing away the sleep from her eyes.

“Are there eggs? My tummy is more rumbly than Monsieur Le Pooh's.”

I chuckled fondly. “There will be in just a few minutes, sweetie pie.” I picked her up and sat her on one of the stools at the island, stealing a tiny little sugar before I began on breakfast.

“Can I have pancakes too?” she asked with a grin. “With happy blueberries and strawberry hair...pleeeeaaassseee?”

Her request warmed my heart, especially since I knew a certain someone would have thoroughly approved and asked for banana ears to adorn his own.

“Of course, baby.”

Everything about my morning was perfect and I knew that things could only get better.

I grabbed the bowl of eggs and gave them another quick whisk before switching on the burner, adding a pat of butter, and pouring them into the pan. Before they needed constant stirring, I quickly reached for my phone and typed out a text.

To Blaine: My life began the moment I found you and when we fell apart, I stopped living. Yesterday, I inhaled my first breath of air in 18 years and life has never been so sweet. My heart will ache until I'm in your arms and races at the very thought of you.

In just a few short hours, I would see him again and as I stirred Lila's eggs, I felt it deep within my chest. It was beginning to poke at my insides, battling all of the fear and self-doubt that stood in its way. It was something I had locked away years ago, but that had somehow managed to break free. Blaine knew it. I knew it. My heart never stopped knowing it. No matter how much my head said no, I couldn't fight it off like I'd been trying to forever. It wanted a fair fight and before I could even try to resist, it had been able to win. It wasn't like nor was it lust; it was true love.

I was fucked.