Chapter Five: Comeback

Kurt wiped his tears away, staring at the closed door before him. It was long after curfew, but Kurt didn’t care. He had had another nightmare. If it weren’t for his stupid promise to Blaine, he wouldn’t even be here. He had promised Blaine he’d call him whenever he had a nightmare. But tonight, Kurt needed to see Blaine. He needed to feel Blaine’s arms around him, holding Kurt together when he wasn’t capable of doing so himself.

And that brought Kurt to where he was now, standing outside Blaine’s door. Now he wished he was back in his room with his razorblade. He hadn’t been prepared to find Blaine’s light on. If the boy had been asleep, Kurt could have used it as an excuse to leave and find solace in his razor.

The light shining underneath Blaine’s door mocked Kurt. He took a deep breath, drawing on all of his remaining strength, and knocked lightly on the door.

Kurt heard movement within the room and several seconds later the door opened to reveal Blaine, dressed only in a pair of sweatpants. Kurt froze. He wanted to flee more than anything, rather than admit to Blaine how weak and imperfect he was. He forced his tears back.

“Kurt? What’re you doing here? It's past curfew. Kurt?” Blaine repeated.

Kurt hadn’t been listening, too busy fighting with himself. He blushed, surely now Blaine thought he had lost his mind. He replayed Blaine’s question in his head. Remembering why he was there, Kurt bit back a choked sob as several tears escaped.

“Oh, Kurt,” he sighed. Blaine pulled him into his arms. And Kurt was clinging to Blaine, body shaking as more choked sobs tore through his body. He buried his head in Blaine’s bare shoulder, finally allowing himself to let go of his emotions.

Then he was moving backwards, following Blaine as he led him to his bed. Kurt curled himself into Blaine’s side, burrowing deeper into his arms. Blaine didn’t speak. He didn’t ask what had upset Kurt so badly. That could wait for tomorrow. For now, he held Kurt tightly, letting him borrow his strength.

K/B

Kurt’s skin felt dry when he woke up the next morning. His head pounded furiously. As he awoke, he became aware of other things. A strong arm was wrapped around him, holding him against a bare chest. Kurt panicked, falling out of the bed with a shriek.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” a voice asked groggily.

That was when the events of the previous night flooded back to Kurt. His eyes widened. He had let himself be weak in front of Blaine again. Why did he ever agree to call Blaine if he had nightmares? Blaine sat up, looking over the side of the bed to see Kurt on the ground. Kurt didn’t know what he expected Blaine to do, but he certainly didn’t expect the boy to start laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Kurt asked grumpily from the floor.

“You,” Blaine answered, gasping for breath in between peals of laughter. Kurt crossed his arms, waiting for Blaine to be finished. Finally, Blaine composed himself. “I’m sorry. It’s just, you obviously forgot I was here and screamed, but you didn’t when we first had a sleepover.”

“I wouldn’t call it a sleepover.” Kurt still didn’t see the hilarity of the situation.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine repeated. He reached out a hand and pulled Kurt up onto the bed. “We need to talk.”

“I know.” Kurt sighed. He had known this would happen when he came here last night. But he had to see Blaine, and any confrontation in the morning was worth the comfort he received in his arms the night before.

“Have you thought about talking to a guidance counselor?” Blaine asked.

“Yes,” Kurt lied. He couldn’t tell anyone what was going on. The only reason Blaine knew was he had walked in on Kurt having a nightmare. “I’m going to go talk to Mrs. Dilworth soon.”

“I wish I knew how to help you, Kurt. I really do. But all I can do is tell you that you’re not as alone as you think you are. And I know you feel alone, because I did too when I was bullied.” Blaine paused, uncertain. “You’re so strong, Kurt. I hate seeing you in so much pain.”

“I’m not strong,” Kurt whispered without thinking. He hoped Blaine hadn’t heard him, but he did.

“You don’t see yourself very clearly, then. Go get dressed. I want to show you something.”

Kurt listened, disappearing into his dorm room. When he returned to Blaine’s room, the other boy was also dressed, waiting for him.

“Where’re we going?” Kurt asked nervously.

“I want to tell you exactly how I see you, but I need a piano.” Blaine took Kurt’s hand, leading him to the choir room.

“Why?” Kurt asked.

“So I can sing to you, silly.” Blaine smiled at him.

Kurt’s heart skipped a beat. He loved listening to Blaine sing. When they first met and Blaine sang “Teenage Dream”, it was like Blaine had been singing straight to him. Now that Blaine was actually going to sing to him, Kurt couldn’t help but hope Blaine’s feelings towards him were changing. But of course that was preposterous. Kurt wasn’t perfect, and Blaine deserved nothing less than perfection.

Once in the choir room, Blaine led Kurt over to the piano. He didn’t drop his hand until they were both sitting on the piano bench. Blaine looked straight at him as he began to play. Then, he began to sing.

Starry, starry night;

Paint your palette blue and grey;

Look out on a summer’s day

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.

Kurt knew the song well. He just didn’t understand why Blaine was singing it to him. The song was about an exceptional man who took his own life. Kurt was anything but exceptional. Still, he listened while Blaine sang to him, not wanting to interrupt the precious moment.

Shadows on the hills;

Sketch the trees and the daffodils;

Catch the breeze and the winter chills

In colors on the snowy linen land.

Blaine looked up from the keys to gaze deep in Kurt’s eyes. Blaine’s voice was so beautiful, and the song so moving that Kurt had to fight back tears. It seemed like he broke down at the simplest thing these days. He didn’t want to ruin this moment with his tears.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me;

How you suffered for your sanity;

How you tried to set them free.

They did not listen; they did not know how.

Perhaps, they’ll listen now.

Blaine knew this probably wasn’t making sense to Kurt. But it seemed so perfect for the moment. After all, Vincent Van Gogh had been very misunderstood; as was Kurt, if you didn’t take the time to get to know him. Vincent was also a genius, an exceptional human being. The same was true for Kurt.

Starry, starry night;

Flaming flowers that brightly blaze;

Swirling clouds in violet haze

Reflect in Vincent’s eyes of china blue.

Blaine raised his head to meet Kurt’s eyes once more. They often changed color, but today they were a crystal blue. They were always beautiful, no matter if they were green, or grey, or blue. But today they were such a clear color of blue, and they were even more beautiful than usual. Maybe it was because they had been filled with tears and pain the night before, and now that was gone. Blaine hated to see his best friend in pain.

Colors changing hue;

Morning field of amber grain;

Weathered faces lined in pain

Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand.

Blaine wanted to take Kurt’s pain from him. He wanted to take his past and make it disappear. But he knew all he could do was help him cope with it, and learn how to live with it. Kurt was so strong, he just didn’t see it. He let his eyes drop back to the keys when he began to replay the chorus.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me;

How you suffered for your sanity;

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen; they did not know how.

Perhaps, they’ll listen now.

Kurt found himself wishing this moment would never end. Here was the boy of his dreams, serenading him with a beautiful song. Kurt was powerless to do anything but sit and listen. And that was all he wanted to do.

For they could not love you,

But still your love was true.

And when no hope was left in sight

On that starry, starry night,

You took your life, as lovers often do.

But I could have told you, Vincent.

This world was never meant for one

As beautiful as you.

Blaine meant every word that he sang, though the relevance was not immediately obvious. He would take the time to explain that to Kurt later. For now, he let himself feel as he sang.

Starry, starry night;

Portraits hung in empty halls;

Frameless head on nameless walls

With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget.

Blaine knew that Kurt would never forget his past. That was impossible. Blaine couldn’t forget his own past, no matter how much he sometimes wished he could. But in the end, he knew it was better to remember than to forget. Because by remembering, he found his strength.

Like the strangers that you’ve met.

The ragged men in ragged clothes;

The silver thorn of bloody rose;

Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me;

How you suffered for your sanity;

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen; they’re not listening still.

Perhaps, they never will.

Blaine played the last chords slowly, not ready to break the spell. Kurt looked happy for the first time in weeks. He didn’t want to take that away from him. He finally pulled his hands away from the keys, turning to look at Kurt.

“That probably didn’t make sense,” he admitted.

Kurt blushed. “It was beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Blaine drew in a deep breath. “Vincent Van Gogh was unique. There will never be another person in this world like him. And you’re unique too, Kurt. I could look all over the Earth and I would never find someone else like you; someone as strong as you, as caring as you. Your past is painful, but you’re learning to deal with it. You tried to get help at McKinley and the school let you down. But asking for help proves how strong you are. Even Vincent didn’t ask for help. He gave up. You know what my favorite part of that song is?”

Kurt shook his head.

“’This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you,’” Blaine quoted. “You’re beautiful, Kurt, inside and out. You’re unique. You’re your own person. Some people aren’t able to understand that, and people are afraid of what they don’t understand. But that doesn’t make you any less beautiful or special. And people may not always listen to you, but you’re never alone. You’ll always have me. Right now, the world doesn’t realize how much it needs you. But one day, it will.” Blaine reached for Kurt’s hand. “That’s how I see you.”

Kurt was unable to thank Blaine. So he thanked him the only way he could, by embracing him tightly. Kurt knew he was far from perfect, but in that moment, he felt like he was.