Chapter Thirty-Five:  Props

The morning after prom, Kurt and Blaine went to Kurt’s house to spend time with the Hudmels. Blaine was spending the weekend there as his parents were out of town. Saturday night found Kurt and Blaine snuggling in bed while watching Anastasia. Kurt lay with his head on Blaine’s shoulder as he began to drift off to sleep, listening to Blaine softly sing along to each song. When the movie was over, Blaine grabbed the remote control and turned off the DVD player and the TV. He wrapped his arms around Kurt before letting himself succumb to sleep.

In the early hours of the morning, Blaine was awoken by Kurt thrashing about in his sleep. He sat up in bed, cupping Kurt’s cheek with his hand.

“Kurt, wake up. You’re okay. You’re safe,” Blaine said.

Kurt awoke with a gasp. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Blaine pulled him into his arms, not surprised when Kurt scrambled into his lap. Blaine rocked him back and forth as he began to sing the song he had written for Kurt almost a year ago. Kurt slowly relaxed as he listened to Blaine sing “Not Alone.” When the song ended, Kurt lifted his head to look into Blaine’s hazel eyes.

"Thank you,” he whispered.

“Don’t thank me, baby. Get some sleep. I love you.” Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt’s lips.

“I love you too,” Kurt said as he moved off of Blaine’s lap. Blaine lay down and Kurt rolled onto his side, smiling when Blaine spooned up behind him. As he listened to Blaine’s breathing slowly even out as he succumbed to sleep, Kurt reminisced about the day Blaine had first sung that song. An idea formulated in his head as he drifted off to sleep.

K/B

Blaine returned home late on Sunday night. Monday morning, Kurt picked him up before stopping at the Lima Bean on their way to school. They were standing at Kurt’s locker when Mercedes found them.

“Sue wants to see us,” Mercedes said with foreboding.

“Why?” Kurt asked, closing his locker as he turned to face her.

“I don’t know. Whatever it is, it can’t be good.”

Kurt nodded in agreement.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Blaine asked.

“No thanks honey. I’ll fill you in during class,” Kurt said with a smile. He gave Blaine’s hand a quick squeeze before disappearing down the hall with Mercedes. No sooner had the two sat down across from Sue when Mercedes’s words rang true.

“Porcelain, Wheezy, you created a monster,” Sue began. “They’re calling Jesse St. James a visionary and applauding Vocal Adrenaline for their long-going commitment to adversity.”

“But Jesse St. James was against Unique performing as her true self,” Mercedes said in confusion.

“Yeah, we were the ones who convinced her to do that,” Kurt filled in.

“Then you only have yourselves to blame,” Sue paused, “and the liberal media.”

“It was your idea,” Mercedes reminded the cheerleading coach.

“I have no recollection of that. In any case, Unique is now a show choir celebrity. He/she will trounce us at nationals and I will lose my Cheerios to Roz Washington. I will not let that happen. This leaves us with one choice. It’s time to fight fire with the flaming flames of additional flaming gay fire.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. As usual, the only thing Sue cared about was her Cheerios. He braced himself for whatever scheme Sue had planned next. Sue reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a gray flapper dress.

“Porcelain, you will wear this flapper dress and perform at nationals as Porcelina. You already have the voice but you’ll have to start smoking because this dress is a size two,” Sue said, standing up to display the dress properly.

“Okay, just because I’m gay does not mean I like to dress up like a woman,” Kurt said. “That is absolutely out of the question!”

"Then the New Directions will lose,” Sue said, tossing the dress to Kurt. “I hate to say it, kiddo, but if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline at nationals, it’s tucking time.”

“Not going to happen,” Kurt said. He dropped the dress on Sue’s desk before striding out of the office.

Blaine was already seated at his desk when Kurt entered their English classroom. Kurt dropped his messenger bag to the floor, sliding into his desk. Blaine looked up from the paper he had been doodling on with a smile.

“Sue wants me to dress up as a woman and perform at nationals as Porcelina,” Kurt said dismally.

“What? That’s insane,” Blaine said in disbelief.

“That’s exactly what I told her. Though I don’t expect she’s going to let this go so soon,” Kurt said with a sigh.

“Just ignore her, love. We’re going to beat Vocal Adrenaline without any crossdressing.” Blaine reached across the aisle to squeeze Kurt’s hand quickly.

“I hope you’re right.”

Blaine had a different class from Kurt next, so after their first class, he headed off on his own. That gave Kurt the perfect opportunity to find Rachel at her locker.

“I have a song I want to perform today during glee club,” Kurt told her.

“Is it for Blaine?” Rachel asked knowingly.

“Yes, it’s for Blaine,” Kurt said, a blush rising to his cheeks.

“What song do you have in mind?”

Kurt told her, asking if she could talk to the rest of the club and see if they would help. He wanted to surprise Blaine and knew he wouldn’t have a chance to talk to everyone with Blaine around. Rachel agreed readily before leaving him with a smile. Kurt headed towards his next class, knowing glee club could not come soon enough.

K/B

The second Will walked into the room, Kurt raised his hand. Kurt didn’t even give him a chance to speak.

“Mr. Schue, I’ve been working on something for today. Is it okay if I start us off?” Kurt asked.

“Sure, Kurt. Go ahead,” Will nodded as he took a seat in the back row.

Kurt moved to the front of the room. He focused his attention on Blaine as he spoke, “Blaine, a year ago you wrote me a beautiful song. I can never tell you how much that song means to me. But I think this song says it all.”

Blaine inhaled sharply in surprise. He had not been expecting this at all. Kurt nodded at Brad to start playing.

I want to start by letting you know this.

Because of you my life has a purpose.

You helped be who I am today.

I see myself in every word you say.

Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me;

Trapped in a world where everyone hates me.

There's so much that I'm going through.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

There were no words for Kurt to ever express how much Kurt felt for Blaine. Before Blaine came into his life, Kurt had merely been existing, not truly living. But Blaine had changed that. Kurt knew he would not be the same person he was today if it were not for Blaine. Whenever he felt alienated by his peers, like no one understood him, Blaine was there to let Kurt know he was not alone. Before Blaine, Kurt hadn’t wanted to live. Kurt knew if it was not for him, he would not be standing there today.

I was broken.

I was choking.

I was lost.

This song saved my life.

I was bleeding, stopped believing;

Could have died.

This song saved my life.

I was down.

I was drowning.

But it came on just in time.

This song saved my life.

Kurt had been a broken shell of a human being when he met Blaine, beaten down by the bullies in his life. He hadn’t known just how lost he had been until that fateful day on the Dalton staircase. Blaine had saved his life in more ways than one. Because of Blaine, Kurt had found the courage to admit he had a problem. He found the courage to ask for help. Because of Blaine, Kurt was getting better. Blaine had come along just in time.

Sometimes I feel like you've known me forever.

You always know how to make me feel better.

Because of you, my dad and me

Are so much closer than we used to be.

You're my escape when I'm stuck in a small town.

I turn you up whenever I feel down.

You let me know like no one else

That it's ok to be myself.

It was hard for both boys to believe that they had only been together for a year. It felt like twice that time had passed. Blaine had changed Kurt’s life in so many ways. Now, Kurt was learning other ways to cope with his depression. Before Kurt’s depression had taken over his life, his relationship with his father had been amazing. But the depression had caused Kurt to distance himself from his dad. Now, they were closer than ever. Kurt was forever indebted to Blaine. He knew he would spend every day for the rest of his life showing Blaine how much he loved and cared for him. Kurt wished he could scream his love from the roof top, but he knew that was impossible in Lima. Kurt knew Blaine felt the same way, and he drew solace in the fact that they would soon be in New York, free to be themselves, two young men in love. Because of Blaine, Kurt had confidence he had lacked before. He wasn’t afraid to be himself.

I was broken.

I was choking.

I was lost.

This song saved my life.

I was bleeding, stopped believing;

Could have died.

This song saved my life.

I was down.

I was drowning.

But it came on just in time.

This song saved my life.

Everything would have turned out so differently if Kurt had never gone to Dalton that day. He would still be suicidal, or he would have acted on his suicide thoughts. Instead, Kurt found himself looking forward to the future he would spend with Blaine. Of course Kurt still struggled with his self-harm, but with each day that passed it was easier for Kurt to stay strong.

You'll never know what it means to me.

That I'm not alone;

That I'll never have to be.

All of that was because of Blaine. Kurt no longer felt alone in the world. He now knew he had never been alone in the past, and he would never be alone in the future. Blaine would always be by his side, offering him love and support, which Kurt would return in kind.

I was broken.

I was choking.

I was lost.

With the next line, the New Directions joined in. Tears were streaming down Blaine’s face. He had yet to tear his eyes away from his boyfriend. Kurt was fighting back his own tears as he continued to sing.

This song saved my life.

I was bleeding, stopped believing;

Could have died.

This song saved my life.

I was down.

I was drowning.

But it came on just in time.

This song saved my life.

My life, my life.

This song saved my life.

My life, my life.

This song saved my life.

My life, my life.

This song saved my life.

My life, my life.

Kurt sang the last line alone. His tears finally escaped but Kurt ignored them. He kept his eyes focused on his lover.

This song saved my life.

Blaine was on his feet the second the song ended. He pulled Kurt into his arms, crushing him against his chest.

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Kurt choked out through his tears. Blaine pulled back, gazing into Kurt’s cerulean eyes.

“Don’t think about that,” Blaine told him. “Don’t you ever think about that. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine’s cheek before pulling him back to his chair. Will complimented Kurt before he launched into the day’s agenda. The club was abuzz with excitement as Will announced they would be performing “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” at nationals. Rachel would have a solo performance with “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now.”

“And I will be working on a new Troubletones number, utilizing the talents of our featured performer, Porcelina Hummel,” Sue said, gesturing towards Kurt.

“Not gonna happen, dragon lady,” Kurt answered.

“Oh, you will do as you’re told he/she,” Sue replied.

Blaine refrained from speaking up to say he knew exactly how much of a man Kurt was.

Sue continued, “We will be performing “What a Feeling” from Flashdance. On that note please look under your seats.” Each member of the New Directions (excluding Artie) reached under their chairs, pulling out a cardboard box.

“Welding helmets and legwarmers?” Finn asked in confusion as he pulled the items in question out of the box.

“The best way to get props is to use props!” Sue announced with a snap of her fingers. “A healthy dose of props, and our plucky transsexual Porcelina and you are over the top.”

“Aren’t props a little cheesy?” Blaine asked with a glance at Kurt.

“Guys, I asked for Sue’s help because she’s a winner,” Will said as he stepped forward. “And I’m not ashamed to admit this:  I want to win. We have one last week to come together and shape things up. If there’s anyone here who is not up for trying, and working their butts off, you should just get up right now and leave.”

Everyone watched in shock and Tina pushed herself off of her chair.

“Tina, where are you going?” Finn asked in confusion.

“You guys don’t need me, carry on!” Tina exclaimed angrily.

“Tina, you don’t understand. I need this,” Rachel said as if speaking to a child.

“Because you blew your big audition? That’s no reason for you to get a solo at nationals! Maybe the rest of us would like one too! Other people matter!”

“Tina, just because you don’t always get all the solos doesn’t mean you’re not a key player! You’re in charge of costumes!” Will reminded her.

“Wow, like that’s some prize! You want props to move around? Well I’m a human prop and I’m sick of it!”

Without another word, Tina turned and stalked out of the room. Mike ran after her, leaving the rest of the club in a state of shock. Will dismissed the club, knowing there was no use to try to regain a sense of order.

“I can’t believe Tina walked out like that,” Blaine said as he started his car.

“I never expected it from Tina. Santana or Mercedes, yes. Hell, I’ve even considered it myself. But Tina’s always been so sweet,” Kurt said as he buckled his seatbelt.

“Everyone has their breaking point,” Blaine said as he shifted the car into gear.

“True. Like I said, I just never expected it from Tina. But she has a point. She’s gotten fewer solos than anyone in the past three years. I thought she didn’t mind. When she was a freshman she gave Rachel the solo for ‘Tonight.’”

“I hope she comes back. I don’t think she realizes how important she is to the group, and not just as a singer but as a friend.”

“It’s hard to feel important when you’re so often overlooked,” Kurt said. He sighed. “We’re never going to win nationals now.”

Blaine reached over the console to take Kurt’s hand in his. “Don’t worry, baby. Everything will be resolved. We’re going to nationals and we’re going to win.”

Kurt smiled, but didn’t answer. He wished he had Blaine’s optimism.

K/B

The next day, Sue was still badgering Kurt about Porcelina. By the end of the day he was so angry, Blaine had suggested a trip to the mall to help calm him down. They grabbed some frozen yogurt before relaxing into the one-dollar massage chairs the mall offered.

“I support you one hundred percent,” Blaine said. “Being gay doesn’t mean you’re a crossdresser.”

“Is that Tina?” Kurt asked suddenly.

Blaine turned to see Tina texting furiously while she rode an escalator down, bolts of fabric under both arms.

“Hey, Tina, what’re you doing here?” Blaine asked when the girl passed in front of them.

“I’m fulfilling my duties as costume coordinator while text fighting with Mike who says my outburst in glee was ‘unreasonable,’” Tina answered without a greeting.

“Well, we’re getting a pretzel later if you want to join us,” Kurt offered. He knew how it felt to be overlooked all too well.

“I can’t,” Tina said quickly. She turned around, walking off while she continued to text Mike. She wasn’t looking where she was going and before Kurt could stop her Tina had fallen headfirst into the mall fountain.

Kurt and Blaine were instantly on their feet, frozen yogurts forgotten as they ran to Tina’s side. Blaine helped her from the fountain, sitting her on the edge to make sure she wasn’t seriously injured.

“Tina, are you okay?” Kurt asked in concern.

“I’m fine. Thanks,” Tina said, pushing her hair out of her face.

“Did you have to take the bolt of fabric in with you?” Kurt asked jokingly. “That silk charmeuse is worth twenty-five bucks a yard.”

Tina laughed. Blaine offered to take Tina home, but she declined. The two boys walked her to her car, making sure she was well enough to drive. Kurt sighed as he watched her pull out of the parking lot.

“I’m worried about her.”

“We’ll text her later to make sure she’s okay,” Blaine said, wrapping an arm around Kurt’s shoulders.

“What if she has a concussion? We shouldn’t have let her drive herself,” Kurt said worriedly as Blaine steered him towards his car.

“Baby, please stop worrying. Tina is going to be fine. Why don’t we go home and watch Project Runway?” Blaine suggested.

“Fine,” Kurt relented with a sigh. He didn’t relax until he got a text from Tina, thanking him for his help and assuring him she was all right.

K/B

After a long day of school, a glee rehearsal with Sue directing was more than Kurt could take. When she finally told them to stop, he was relieved.

“Porcelain, thoughts?” Sue asked.

“I’m not doing a drag number,” Kurt answered instantly. “We need a new approach. I have an idea.”

Sue dismissed everyone except Kurt, who hung back to discuss his plan with Sue. He knew Will was not likely to approve of spying, but Sue wouldn’t argue. He was right. Kurt was going to spy on Vocal Adrenaline.

K/B

“Please ignore the stench of mildew and jockstrap and focus your attention on the screen,” Sue said as rehearsal convened in the locker room the next day. “Porcelina?”

Kurt stood, turning to face his peers. “Yesterday I snuck into a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal and what I saw is not for the faint of heart. Lights.”

Kurt waited until Puck had cut the lights off before he started the projector. Footage of Vocal Adrenaline practicing appeared on the wall.

“Why is this in black and white?” Sam asked.

“Because I worship The Artist,” Kurt answered, holding up a hand to silence any further questions.

“Unique is the ultimate prop,” Sue concluded after the projector had been shut off.

“Do you seriously think we need a guy dressed in drag to win?” Puck asked.

Will answered “No” as Sue said “Yes!” The club was dismissed. Blaine followed Kurt to his locker. The halls were empty so Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand, squeezing it slightly.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked once they’d reached Kurt’s locker.

“I’m just anxious,” Kurt replied as he entered his locker combination. He pulled the door open, disposing of the textbooks he did not need for the night’s homework. “This is all starting to get to me. I want to cut, but I’m not going to give in.” Kurt shut his locker. He took Blaine by the hand and pulled him in the direction of the auditorium. “Come with me.”

Brad was in the auditorium as if he had known they would have need of him. The band members were also waiting with their instruments. As they reached center stage, the band began to play.

Trippin' out

Spinnin' around

I'm underground, I fell down.

Yeah, I fell down.

I'm freakin' out.

So where am I now?

Upside down

And I can't stop it now.

It can't stop me now,

Ohhh.

Kurt moved across the stage as he sang, letting out all of his anxieties. Yes, he had given in before and cut when he felt this anxious, but this time he would not. He would not let his self-harm control him any longer. He had it. It didn’t have him.

I, I'll get by.

I, I'll survive.

When the world's crashin' down.

When I fall and hit the ground.

I will turn myself around.

Don't you try to stop it!

I, I won't cry.

Even though it was difficult when he was this anxious, Kurt knew he could make it through unscathed. After all, he had been through much worse and survived. Compared to his past, this was nothing. Blaine began to dance with him, letting his voice echo after Kurt’s.

I found myself (myself) in Wonderland.

Get back on (back on) my feet (my feet) again.

Is this real? (Is this real?)

Is it pretend? (Is it pretend?)

I'll take (I'll take) a stand (a stand) until (until) the end.

Blaine was proud of Kurt. He had come so far in the past few months. It had been three weeks since he had hurt himself, and each day Kurt was battling his anxiety and depression. Blaine knew Kurt was strong enough to make it. If anyone could, it was Kurt.

I, I'll get by.

I, I'll survive.

When the world's crashin' down.

When I fall and hit the ground.

I will turn myself around.

Don't you try to stop me!

I, I won't cry.

I, I'll get by.

I, I'll survive.

When the world's crashin' down.

When I fall and hit the ground.

I will turn myself around.

Don't you try to stop me!

I, and I won't cry!

When the song ended, Blaine pulled Kurt into his arms. Neither noticed Brad or the band members discretely leave the auditorium.

“I know you’re worried about nationals, we all are. Just don’t let it get to you. Don’t let Sue get to you. She’s not used to having someone stand up to her, especially a student,” Blaine said.

“I just wish she would leave it alone. I’m not going to wear a dress. I’m a man, not a woman!”

“Oh, believe me, there is not a doubt in my mind about your masculinity,” Blaine said in a husky voice.

Kurt looked around, surprised to see they were alone in the auditorium. He wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck, leaning forwards until their lips were millimeters apart.

“Do you now?” he asked.

Kurt’s breath tickled Blaine’s lips. Blaine groaned before surging forwards, crushing his mouth to Kurt’s. They kissed passionately. Kurt licked his way into Blaine’s mouth, moaning when their tongues brushed together. When they finally pulled away for air, their cheeks were flushed and their lips swollen.

“Let’s get out of here,” Blaine suggested. He took Kurt by the hand and led him from the school, determined to keep his mind off of nationals for the rest of the night.

K/B

Two days later, the New Directions were boarding the bus for nationals. Blaine hung his head out the window, ignoring Kurt when he said he would not help if he got stuck. Everyone cheered as Will climbed onto the bus.

“Let’s go to nationals!” he exclaimed.

Blaine removed his head from the window. He opened his arms to Kurt, who immediately moved into them. He sighed happily as he rest his head on Blaine’s shoulder. It had been a long, hard journey, but they were finally on the way to nationals.