Chapter Twenty-Eight:  Heart

It was only Monday and already Kurt wished the week was over. Blaine had gone back to Columbus for a check-up with his surgeon and his parents decided to stay with family there for the entire week. Blaine’s parents had also insisted he leave his phone at home so he could spend quality time with his family. Somehow he felt even more alone walking through the halls of McKinley, knowing he couldn’t see or speak to Blaine at the end of the day.

The day was made worse by Will’s enthusiasm over Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day was Blaine’s favorite holiday and this year they wouldn’t be together to celebrate it. Kurt tore his mind away from Blaine, focusing on Will as he suggested ways to raise money.

“Oh God, not another bake sale,” Kurt moaned morosely.

Will tried to defend his idea but the entire club protested profusely when he suggested singing classroom to classroom. Thankfully, Sugar came to their rescue and donated more than enough money for costumes for regionals.

“Sugar, I can’t take that,” Will began to protest.

“Take it!” Kurt snapped.

The entire club was relieved with Will took the money but for Kurt that relief was short lived. Sugar announced her Valentine’s Day party and specified that everyone had to bring a date. But Kurt’s date was two hours away and wouldn’t be returning until late Sunday night. Loneliness set in worse than ever and Kurt’s wrist began to twinge. He was so focused on fighting down the urge that he didn’t notice the club had been dismissed and he was alone in the room.

Kurt was mad at himself for even having an urge. He hated himself for yearning for the blade. He wished he had never started cutting in the first place. Sighing unhappily, Kurt lifted his hands over the piano keys and began to play.

Retournons avant la guerre

Avant la fin

Avant le besoin de toutes ces prieres

Aucun mal

Aucun bien

Aucun mot croche

Ni mots malins que l’on dit quand on n’sait pas

Kurt wished he could go back to that faithful day, the day it all began. He would catch the cup of water before it had fallen, left the shards of glass on the ground instead of picking it up. His finger never would have been cut, his wrist not marred with scars. He never would have found solace in the pain. Kurt would still be healthy if he could only go back.

Sous un ciel bleu, ciel sans nuage

Retournons la-bas

Sans orage

Retournons la-bas

Au jardin des sans pourquoi

Kurt knew his addiction was hard on Blaine. He hated causing Blaine pain and hated himself every time he gave into the blade because he knew it hurt Blaine. If he could go back and stop himself, he would never have caused Blaine pain and he never would again.

Je t’ai vue te promener la-bas

Sous l’arc-en-ciel

Brillante comme une etincelle dans la nuit

Ou je t’ai vue aussi

Tombant du ciel

Comme une larme de St Laurent, disparaissant

Dans un ciel bleu, ciel sans nuage

Retournons la-bas

Sans orage

Retournons la-bas

Au jardin des sans pourquoi

But wishing would do nothing to change the past and Kurt knew that. Kurt had started hurting himself days after he had met Blaine. He had been struggling with it for over a year and he would continue to struggle with it until he was recovered, however long that would take.

Kurt removed his hands from the piano keys, wiping the tears that had gone unchecked from his cheeks. In one week, Blaine would be back and things would return to normal. Kurt wouldn’t have to be alone anymore.

K/B

Tuesday was flying by, much to Kurt’s relief. He was counting down the days until Blaine would return from Columbus. He was surprised when he had received a card from a “secret admirer,” who of course could only be Blaine.

Kurt grabbed lunch in the cafeteria and headed to the table where the other members of the New Directions were already sitting. He listened to Puck talk about his exploits at a sorority. Kurt couldn’t image not having one person to spend the rest of your life with, instead going from person to person and not ever having a relationship with anyone. But to Puck sex wasn’t anything but sex, taking what he wanted. To Kurt and Blaine it was expressing their love for one another, gifting and receiving.

“I tried the true love thing. It isn’t for me,” Puck said.

“Well it is for me,” Kurt cut in. “And it’s for Blaine too. Even from his sick bed, he’s managed to send me a Valentine’s Day card.”

Kurt opened the card and reread it silently for the umpteenth time. Artie leaned back in his wheelchair to read it.

“It says ‘from your secret admirer,’” Artie read.

“So romantic,” Kurt sighed happily.

“Oh!” Tina exclaimed with her eyes glued somewhere over Kurt’s right shoulder.

Kurt turned around, his eyes lighting up. Blaine had sent him a gorilla gram.

“A gorilla gram for moi?” Kurt took the card offered to him. “’To Kurt from your secret admirer.’ Again. I wonder who it could be. Will you tell me who it is Valentine’s gorilla?”

The gorilla shook its head before giving the stuffed bear and balloons to Kurt and walking away. Kurt couldn’t wait until he could see Blaine again so he could thank him. Kurt turned back to Puck.

“You see, Puckerman, that’s what you’re missing out on. True love,” Kurt said earnestly.

The New Directions chatted amicably until the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Kurt hurried to his next class, knowing he wouldn’t be able to focus his mind on anything other than Blaine.

K/B

Wednesday passed by in a blur. Kurt was glad when it was finally Thursday evening and he could go to glee club. Singing proved to be his only distraction from Blaine’s absence. Kurt walked into the room, taking a seat in the front row. Tina entered the room with Mike. Instead of sitting with him she plopped down next to Kurt.

“How are you?” Tina asked, looking at him seriously.

“I’m fine, Tina. How are you?” Kurt asked politely.

“I’m worried about you. I know it’s been tough with Blaine’s injury and now he’s been gone all week. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you feel the urge to you know,” Tina said awkwardly.

“Thanks, Tina. But I’m fine. I promise you I’m not going to break,” Kurt said with a sigh.

The entire club had been watching Kurt carefully since Blaine had left for Columbus. Kurt was tired of it. So far, only Tina had mustered up the nerve to discuss it with him. Kurt was tired of it. When Will entered the room, Kurt jumped up.

“Mr. Schue, I have something I’ve been working on.”

“All right, Kurt. Show us what you’ve got,” Will said as he took Kurt’s abandoned chair.

Kurt walked to the front of the room. He nodded to the band guys who began to play. Kurt took a deep breath before he sang.

Everybody’s waiting.

Everybody’s watching.

Even when you’re sleeping,

Keep your ey-eyes open.

The tricky thing

Is yesterday we were just children.

Playing soldiers,

Just pretending.

Dreaming dreams with happy endings.

In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords.

But now we’ve stepped into a cruel world,

Where everybody stands and keeps score.

To Kurt it seemed like yesterday when he was playing dress-up with his mother. She’d let him put make-up on her and then he’d beg for her to put some on him. Burt would always say he was a boy and shouldn’t wear make-up even if it was just for play but Elizabeth simply said it made Kurt happy. That was back when Kurt was happy. Things were simpler. Life was easy. Now the world had flipped upside down and everything was cruel and cold.

Keep your eyes open.

Everybody’s waiting for you to breakdown.

Everybody’s watching to see the fallout.

Even when you’re sleeping, sleeping.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

There seemed to be a pattern in Kurt’s life. Things would finally begin to look up and then the world would come crashing down around him once more. This time it had taken Blaine with it. Without Blaine, Kurt was more distant from the people in his life than ever before. Each day, Kurt knew they were waiting for him to lose it, watching him for signs of a nervous breakdown. Kurt was watching too. He knew the risk of either happening was high. But he was taking care of himself. He didn’t need anyone else trying to do it for him.

So here you are two steps ahead and staying on guard.

Every lesson forms a new scar.

They never thought you’d make it this far.

But turn around, oh they’ve surrounded you.

It’s a showdown and nobody comes to save you now.

But you’ve got something they don’t.

Yeah you’ve got something they don’t.

You’ve just gotta keep your eyes open.

So far, in his opinion, Kurt was holding up well. He hadn’t hurt himself, no matter how badly he had wanted to. He felt incredibly weak, but where before he thought the razor made him stronger he had learned his lesson. His scars reminded him the razor was what made him weak. Kurt was proud of himself for not giving in this week. Nine months ago, he wouldn’t have had the strength without Blaine by his side. But no matter how the pain consumed him, he wouldn’t give in. No one was there to save him, so he would have to do it himself.

Everybody’s waiting for you to breakdown.

Everybody’s watching to see the fallout.

Even when you’re sleeping, sleeping.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes.

Keep your feet ready,

Heartbeat steady.

Keep your eyes open.

Keep your aim locked,

The night goes dark.

Keep your eyes open.

The nights were hardest. Nights were always hard for Kurt, but normally he had Blaine to help him through. Blaine was always just a phone call away or a ten minute drive down the road. Now he was two hours away with no way to contact him. So Kurt watched himself even more carefully at night. He avoided his bathroom at all costs, using Finn’s so he wouldn’t be tempted to get his razor from its hiding spot. Kurt left his messenger bag in his Navigator each night, grabbing what he needed to complete his homework but leaving the rest so he wouldn’t be tempted. And if the urges got really bad, Kurt wouldn’t even enter his room.

Everybody’s waiting for you to breakdown.

Everybody’s watching to see the fallout.

Even when you’re sleeping, sleeping.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Keep your ey-eyes open.

Everyone applauded when Kurt was done. He offered a small smile as he took his seat once more. Will gave him a pat on the back as he walked back to the front of the room.

“That was wonderful, Kurt. Now, Rachel, I believe you had an announcement?”

“Yeah, actually Finn and I have an announcement we’d like to make,” Rachel said as they got to their feet and strode to the front of the room. “Finn and I are proud to announce that we’re finally getting married!”

The entire club was shocked. The room rang out with “Why?” and “What!” Not one of them had been expecting this turn of events.

“When’s the baby’s due date?” Puck asked.

“Have you guys seriously thought this out?” Will asked from where he was sitting in the back row.

“Yes and our parents completely support us,” Rachel answered, pointedly ignoring Puck’s comment. “Your plan to stop us by telling them backfired, Mr. Schue.”

“Actually, I’m the one who told them,” Kurt spoke up. “I think you guys are making a mistake.”

“You told them?” Rachel asked with hurt clearly displayed on her face.

“I don’t want to see either of you getting hurt, Rachel,” Kurt answered. “I was only trying to stop you from making a mistake. I love you both. I want what’s best for you.”

“When’s the wedding?” Quinn asked, still in a state of shock.

“We don’t know yet but it’s going to be a simple ceremony at the Justice of the Peace and all of you are invited,” Rachel answered.

“You guys aren’t ready to face this type of commitment,” Quinn said. “You’re not old enough or mature enough.”

“If you don’t support us you aren’t invited to the wedding,” Rachel said her face crestfallen. “Which makes me really sad because I would have loved to see you in a bridesmaid’s dress, Quinn, and you as well, Kurt.”

“I’d be happy to be a bridesmaid, Rachel,” Tina put in. “I know what being in love feels like.”

And I don’t? Kurt thought quietly to himself. Tina was insane if she thought Rachel and Finn were really ready for this. Sure, they would get married one day but that didn’t have to be this day.

“Thanks, guys,” Finn said appreciatively. “We hope the rest of you change your minds because it would mean a lot to us if you were all there.”

Kurt was glad when Artie changed the subject. He didn’t know how much longer he could bite his tongue before he blew up at his stepbrother and best friend. He hoped they would come to their senses before it was too late.

K/B

The next day, Kurt received one last Valentine’s card from Blaine. This one told him to go to Breadstix at half past six. Sugar’s party wasn’t until seven so that gave them plenty of time to catch up. He walked into Breadstix five minutes early, looking around to see if Blaine was already waiting on him. Kurt looked to his right, smiling when he saw the gorilla from Tuesday.

“I knew it,” Kurt said as he turned to face the gorilla.

The gorilla handed him a heart-shaped box filled with candies. On top of the lid there was a note.

“’Dear Kurt, Happy Valentine’s Day. I think I love you.’” Kurt cocked his head, looking up in confusion. “Wait, you think you love me?”

The gorilla reached up and took off the head of the suit. Kurt gasped. It wasn’t Blaine at all. It was Karofsky. Shocked, Kurt collapsed into the nearest seat.

“Are you okay?” Karofsky asked worriedly. He slipped out of the gorilla suit before sitting across from Kurt.

“I’m fine, just trying to process all of this,” Kurt said weakly. After a while he said, “So you tormented me, shoved me into lockers, called me horrible names, and hate-kissed me. Now after one conversation at Scandals you want us to be together?”

“When I was at McKinley, I hated who I was. I took it out on you because you were so out and proud. I’ve wanted to talk to you since that night at Scandals. It’s taken me a long time but for the first time in my life I’m trying to be honest about who I am,” Karofsky said, reaching across the table to place his hand over Kurt’s.

Kurt pulled his hand away, saying gently, “I’m flattered. I really am but, David, you just think that you love me. You don’t really love me.”

“No,” Karofsky protested. “You helped me so much, Kurt. You don’t even know how much. I’m not out at school yet but maybe I’ll get up the courage next year.”

“David, look, I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so far and I want you to be happy. And you will be happy. But I’m with Blaine. I love Blaine; I don’t just think I do. And he loves me too.” Kurt paused. “I like you, but just as friends.”

“I should go,” Karofsky said, gathering his things as he stood up.

“Wait, no. You don’t have to go,” Kurt said, getting to his feet.

He watched as Karofsky began to walk away. The jock had only taken three steps when someone called out his name.

“Hey, Karofsky,” a smug blonde boy spoke.

“Nick,” Karofsky said nervously.

Kurt slowly walked to Karofsky’s side. He wondered how much this Nick guy had overheard. He hoped for Karofsky’s sake not much. He wasn’t ready to come out yet.

“You guys hanging out for Valentine’s Day?” Nick asked with a smirk.

“No, no, we used to go to the same school,” Kurt answered casually before Karofsky could speak. “We just bumped into each other.”

“That’s exactly what it looked like,” Nick said sarcastically.

“I’ve got to go,” Karofsky said, heading for the door.

“David!” Kurt called out.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Karofsky said forcefully before exiting the building as fast as he could.

Kurt walked back to where they had been sitting. He felt awful. Karofsky had basically been outted and it was all his fault. The urge to hurt himself was stronger than ever and just when he was thinking about slipping away to the bathroom to give in, the New Directions arrived for the party. Kurt had never been more happy to see them.

K/B

Sugar’s party seemed to drag on forever. Thankfully, it was almost over as was Valentine’s Day. An entire week had passed without seeing or talking to Blaine and Kurt was happy to say he hadn’t cut himself once. Despite what had happened earlier that day, he was proud of himself. He couldn’t wait for Blaine to get back so he could tell him.

Kurt was just thinking about leaving the party early when Sugar took the microphone once more. She held the microphone with both hands, saying, “Okay, everybody, it’s time for my extra special guest, back from the dead, and cute and compact as ever!”

Sugar lifted her hand out towards the entrance of Breadstix. Kurt’s eyes snapped to where Sugar gestured. His heart stopped as his breath caught in his throat. A lone figure was standing at the front of the building. Kurt knew that body anywhere. Before he could call out, the person turned around and everyone cheered.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!” Blaine said happily. He appeared to be fully recovered though he wore a heart-shaped eye patch over his injured eye.

Kurt smiled widely, wanting nothing more than to run straight into Blaine’s arms. He longed to hold him forever and never let go. But before he could, Blaine was speaking again.

“This song is dedicated to all the lovers in the room,” Blaine said, throwing off the eye patch. He began to sing as he walked up to the makeshift stage.

If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says,

“15 miles to the

Mercedes cut in here as Blaine climbed up the stage. Brittany and Rachel grabbed the microphone stands next to her, adding their voices to build up a harmony.

Love Shack!”

Love Shack, yeah, yeah.

I’m headin’ down the Atlanta highway,

Lookin’ for the love getaway.

Headed for the love getaway.

Blaine took the last microphone stand, taking over the melody. Mercedes, Brittany, and Rachel continued to harmonize their voices as Blaine sang.

I got me a car; it’s as big as a whale.

And we’re headin’ on down to the Love Shack.

I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20.

So hurry up and bring your jukebox money!

Mercedes stole the melody back. Blaine danced his way over to Kurt.

The love shack is a little old place where we can get together.

Love Shack, baby.

Blaine held a microphone out to Kurt, who shook his head in refusal. Blaine frowned. Kurt pulled out his own microphone and sang the next line, causing Blaine to smile widely.

Love Shack, baby!

Mercedes continued to sing with Rachel and Brittany backing her. Blaine grabbed Kurt’s tie and pulled him to his feet. He shimmied his shoulders in a way he knew Blaine loved while he allowed his lover to pull him to the stage.

Love Shack, that's where it's at!

Love Shack, that's where it's at!

Kurt took the microphone stand Blaine had abandoned and began to sing. He leaned his head back against Blaine’s shoulder, taking comfort in his presence. The angle hurt his neck and back as he was taller than Blaine. As he straightened back up, Blaine draped one arm over Kurt’s shoulder while he continued to dance beside him.

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail.

I got me a car, it seats about 20,

So come on and bring your jukebox money!

As Mercedes began to sing again, Blaine left Kurt to dance around the room. A group of people formed a long line behind him, dancing as Blaine led them around.

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together!

Love Shack, baby.

Kurt wasn’t surprised that Blaine had taken a microphone with him. Blaine raised the mic to his lips and sang the next line.

A-Love Shack, baby.

When Mercedes began to sing melody again, Blaine took over back-up. Kurt, Rachel, and Brittany harmonized their voices with Mercedes’s.

Love Shack, baby, Love Shack

Love Shack, baby, Love Shack (Love, baby, that's where it's at)

Bang, bang, bang, on the door, baby.

As people knocked their fists on the tables, Blaine sang the next line.

Knock a little louder, Sugar!

Mercedes sang the next line. Kurt laughed as he saw Finn attempting to pull off some ridiculous dance moves.

Bang, bang, bang, on the door, baby.

Kurt left the stage and began to slowly dance towards his boyfriend while Blaine sang the next line, Mercedes taking the one after him.

I can't hear you!

Bang, bang, (on the door, baby).

Bang, bang, (on the door, baby).

Kurt jumped off the table and danced to Blaine’s side. Blaine smiled at him as he sang.

You’re what?

Kurt lifted his microphone to his mouth, beaming at Blaine the entire time.

Tin roof, rusted!

Blaine pulled Kurt closer to him as they continued to dance.

Love Shack, yeah!

Love Shack, baby, Love Shack (Love, baby, that's where it's at, yeah).

Love Shack, baby, Love Shack (Love, baby, that's where it's at).

Love, baby, Love Shack.

At the Love Shack!

As soon as the song ended, Kurt threw his arms around Blaine’s neck, kissing him deeply. Blaine smiled against his lips but pulled back, looking pointedly at the people around them. No one had noticed but Blaine wasn’t a big fan of public displays of affection. Kurt smiled, leaning down to whisper in Blaine’s ear, “Let’s get out of here.”

Before Blaine could speak, Kurt was pulling him out of the building and to his Navigator. He opened the passenger door for Blaine, smiling when Blaine kissed his cheek before climbing into the seat. Kurt hurried to the driver’s side and slipped behind the wheel.

“Let’s go to my place,” Blaine suggested. “My parents already left on a business trip.”

“Already?” Kurt asked in surprise. He had expected them to hang awhile a little longer seeing as how their son had just had surgery.

“It’s not a big deal,” Blaine said with a shrug. He was used to his parents being gone for long periods of time. They were home when it counted and that was the most he could ask for. Besides, with them away so often it gave Blaine and Kurt ample opportunities for private time.

Kurt pulled his car into the driveway at Blaine’s house. Kurt didn’t have time to cut the engine before Blaine was out and opening his car door. Kurt smiled fondly before kissing him passionately. They slowly made their way to the front door, only breaking apart so Blaine could unlock the door. Blaine pulled Kurt inside, kissing him again. They stumbled up the stairs as they kissed, falling into Blaine’s bed miraculously without injuries.

Breaking apart for air, Kurt whispered, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, love,” Blaine said with a soft smile.

“We can’t go that long without talking ever again,” Kurt said earnestly.

“I’m sorry. I tried to sneak my phone but my mom made me put it on the kitchen counter before we left,” Blaine said with a frown.

“It’s okay,” Kurt said before crushing his mouth to Blaine’s.

Kurt licked his way into Blaine’s mouth, pushing off the coat to his suit. His lips moved down Blaine’s jaw to his neck as he unbuttoned Blaine’s shirt, pushing it down his shoulders and throwing it to the floor. They quickly undressed each other and Kurt reattached himself to Blaine’s throat.

“Mmm, Kurt,” Blaine moaned sensually as Kurt sucked at his pulse point.

Kurt pulled back to whisper, “Make love to me.”

Blaine flipped them over, kissing the spot behind Kurt’s ear that never failed to elicit a whimper from his mouth. Kurt forgot about everything as he focused on Blaine loving him and loving Blaine in return. For the time being, he had no worries, no cares, and no anxieties. He had Blaine back. Everything was perfect.