Chapter Twenty-One:  Mash Off

Kurt was surprised when Will found him after the last class of the day, asking if his father had seen Sue's latest ad. He listened in horror as Will played the commercial for him and told him of the latest poll standings. He hadn't said a word before he ran through the halls to Sue's office.

"What you're doing is appalling," Kurt said as he burst into the office without knocking. "Twenty percent of voters believe my dad has a baboon heart!"

"It's not personal, Porcelain. It's called politics," Sue answered without looking at him. She continued to dust her numerous trophies as she spoke, "Politics is all about playing dirty. You should know that. Your squeaky clean campaign for senior class president isn't doing you any good."

"Brittany's the one making promises she can't keep! At least I'm being honest!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Honesty doesn't matter. Brittany has everyone's attention whereas your petition for a salad bar in the cafeteria does not," Sue said.

"Obesity is a serious issue," Kurt countered.

"Especially in the glee club. Sit down," Sue said.

Kurt sat, though he was tempted to just leave. He knew he wasn't making any headway.

"I fight dirty because I'm fighting for something," Sue told him. "I have a cause. I hate the arts. In order for you to win, you're going to have to find your own cause. Then let the poo flinging begin. Winning really is all about the poo flinging."

"I refuse to believe that," Kurt said as he leaned forward in his seat. "Maybe I need a better cause but that doesn't mean I'm going to start telling lies. I'm going to win this thing without having to fling a single stinky nugget."

Kurt grabbed his bag, walking towards the door.

"Good luck with that, son of Burt 'Baboon Heart' Hummel." When Kurt turned to face her Sue repeated, "It's not personal!"

Kurt stormed out of the room, hurrying back to the choir room before glee club began. Thankfully the room was empty, except for the one person he was looking for. Blaine looked up when Kurt entered the room, dropping his bag next to his seat.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked, instantly on his feet.

"Everything is getting so out of hand!" Kurt exclaimed. He could feel tears burning hot behind his eyes and tried to force them back to no avail. "I'm going to lose the campaign because Brittany is playing dirty. Sue's doing the same thing only worse. What if my dad can't take the stress? What if he has another heart attack?"

"He won't," Blaine said, shaking his head. He reached for Kurt, pulling him closer. "You're not going to lose and neither is your dad."

"I just feel so lost. Everything's going wrong and I don't even know what to do anymore," Kurt admitted as his tears fell. "I was stupid to ever think I could win this race."

"No you weren't," Blaine told him. "You can't let Brittany take your hope away from you."

"But everything feels so hopeless. They haven't accepted me in the past and they're not going to now," Kurt said softly. "I wish I could just run away."

"Maybe everything feels hopeless but I promise you it isn't. I believe in you. And as for running away, that wouldn't solve anything. Plus I'd miss you too much." Blaine smiled but it wasn't returned. He sighed. "Come on, why don't you try singing?" Blaine suggested, pulling Kurt towards the piano.

Kurt sat on the bench, letting his hands rest on the keys. He thought for a second before he began to play the first thing that came to mind. His fingers drifted over the keys as he sang.

I've been believing in something so distant,

As if I was human.

And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness,

In me, in me.

All Kurt wanted was to get into NYADA. He wanted his dreams to come true like everyone else did. But his dreams seemed so far out of his reach that it was hard to find the hope to keep going. Had he been too deluded to ever even think he had a shot at such a prestigious school?

All the promises I made,

Just to let you down.

You believed in me but I'm broken.

I have nothing left,

And all I feel is this cruel wanting.

We've been falling for all this time,

And now I'm lost in paradise.

Kurt wished he could promise Blaine that things would get better. He wanted to promise that he would never hurt himself again. But those were promises he couldn't guarantee. He loved Blaine so much for believing in him, Kurt was just afraid he would let Blaine down in the end. He felt so lost and had no clue of what to do. He just wanted everything to be okay again.

As much as I'd like the past not to exist,

It still does.

And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here,

I'm just as scared as you.

I have nothing left,

And all I feel is this cruel wanting.

We've been falling for all this time,

And now I'm lost in paradise.

Blaine knew Kurt's past continued to haunt him every day. He wished he could go back and change things, to keep Kurt from ever getting hurt. He knew Kurt wished the same. But they both realized that was impossible. There was no magic fix for Kurt's depression.

Run away, run away.

One day we won't feel this pain anymore.

Take it all away, shadows of you,

'Cause they won't let me go,

Blaine knew Kurt was speaking of his depression and self-harm. His greatest hope, even greater than his Broadway hopes, was that one day Kurt would not feel the need to slice into his own skin to get a reprieve from his depression. He didn't want Kurt to hurt anymore. He wanted him to be happy and healthy, more than anything else in the world.

'Till I have nothing left,

And all I feel is this cruel wanting.

We've been falling for all this time,

And now I'm lost in paradise.

Alone and lost in paradise.

Blaine pulled Kurt close as he stood from the piano bench. Kurt buried his face in Blaine's shoulder, closing his eyes as the pain tormented him. Blaine brought one hand up to cradle the back of Kurt's head while the other caressed up and down his back in soothing motions. They only parted when Will entered the room.

"I'm glad you guys are here," Will said. "I have something to show you in the auditorium. Can you tell the others? I need to go do something real quick."

Will left without further explanation. Kurt and Blaine told the rest of the club as they entered the choir room. Once everyone was assembled they made their way to the auditorium. Kurt was surprised when Mercedes entered the room with the rest of the Troubletones. He was still hurt by his friend's desertion though he had yet to talk to her.

He had been shocked when Will walked into the room accompanied by Shelby Corcoran, and even more stunned when the pair began to sing. Kurt was excited to perform another mash-up, but he still wished his best friend would be singing with him. The whole glee club experience was bittersweet without her there to join in. Kurt only hoped she would come around sooner rather than later.

K/B

"What is your problem?" Kurt grabbed Finn before he could leave the choir room the next day.

"What do you mean?" Finn asked, trying to tug his arm out of Kurt's grip.

"Blaine supported your idea for letting Rory sing lead and all you can manage is a sarcastic thank you?" Kurt asked angrily.

"I wasn't being sarcastic, Kurt," Finn said, trying again to put distance between them.

"Bullshit!" Kurt exclaimed. "I don't know what your problem is with Blaine but you need to get over it, Finn Hudson!"

"Stay out of it, Kurt. This isn't any of your business," Finn remarked, finally managing to tear his arm out of Kurt's grasp.

"I'll stay out of it if you start treating him with respect," Kurt answered snidely before he strode out of the room. He didn't know what problem Finn had with Blaine, but Kurt was determined to get to the bottom of it before things got out of hand.

K/B

"This could be deadly," Rachel said with a smile as she crossed the gym to where Kurt was stretching. "We really should have gotten someone to supervise."

Kurt didn't remark, instead turning his back to her. He had no desire to speak to Rachel Berry, not after she had abandoned him. She continued to ramble on about their NYADA applications but Kurt ignored her. He was still hurt. She couldn't just act like nothing had happened.

"I really miss you, Kurt," Rachel said suddenly. "I really want to be your friend again."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked all over me in your borderline psychopathic climb to the top," Kurt said. "You really hurt me, Rachel. You abandoned me when I needed you the most and I'm not ready to forgive you yet."

Without another word, Kurt strode away from his former friend. As the dodgeball game commenced, Kurt avoided Rachel at all costs. He hadn't even wanted to play in the first place, but if the rest of the club was going to participate he would not be the only one left standing on the sidelines. When the game was finally over, Kurt was relieved. He had taken a dodgeball to the face and wanted to make sure there would be no lasting damage from whatever germs festered on the object. He was ready to leave the gym when Santana and the other Troubletones began to pelt Rory with dodgeballs.

"Stop it!" he shrieked, running to Rory's side. "Stop it! Can't you see he's bleeding? We get enough crap from people around here; we don't need to do this to each other. We're better than this."

"Calm down, grandma," Santana said with a sly grin.

"Remember what happened to me, Santana!" Kurt screamed. "Remember what happened to me when I was treated like a piece of trash!"

Kurt didn't wait to hear Santana's response. He pulled Rory to his feet and helped him out of the gym. Kurt heard footsteps behind them and knew without looking that it was Blaine.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked once Kurt had seen Rory to the nurse's office.

"No, I'm not okay. I can't believe they would do that after what happened to me. They know that's why I started cutting but they just don't care. They were outraged with how I was treated, but they treat Rory the same way," Kurt said, fighting off his tears.

"It's hypocrisy at its best," Blaine commented. He pulled Kurt into his arms, holding him close.

"I won't keep quiet and watch someone else go through what I went through. I won't do it," Kurt said with a sob.

"I know, baby." An idea sparked in his brain. Blaine pushed Kurt back so he could look him in the eyes. "Why don't you make that your platform?"

Kurt looked at him, stunned. "Why didn't I think of that myself?"

"Well we can't all have intelligent, beautiful boyfriends," Blaine said with a grin.

Kurt laughed. "We better go before your ego gets so big it won't fit through the door."

"Too late," Blaine said with a laugh. He followed Kurt back to the choir room.

Expecting the room to be empty, Kurt was surprised to see Rachel waiting for him. He turned to leave.

"Please, don't go," Rachel grabbed his hand. "I know I screwed things up. I just . . . I miss you, Kurt. I prepared something for you. Please, just listen to me."

Kurt pulled his hand out of Rachel's grasp, heading towards the door. Blaine stepped in front of him, blocking his path. With a pleading look, he said, "Just hear her out, baby."

Sighing, Kurt relented. He let Blaine pull him towards the chairs while Rachel nodded at Brad, who lifted his hands over the piano keys as Rachel began to sing.

Wake up to a sunny day.

Not a cloud up in the sky,

And then it starts to rain.

My defenses hit the ground.

And they shatter all around,

So open and exposed.

But I found strength in the struggles,

Face to face with my troubles.

When you're broken,

In a million little pieces.

And you're tryin',

But you can't hold on anymore.

Every tear falls down for a reason.

Don't you stop believin' in yourself,

When you're broken.

Kurt knew exactly what Rachel hoped to achieve by singing to him, but he didn't care. The fact was that she had left him when he needed her the most. And she still hadn't apologized. After so many people hurt him, he couldn't take the girl who was supposed to be his friend doing the same.

Little girl don't be so blue.

I know what you're going through.

Don't let it beat you up.

Hittin' walls and gettin' scars,

Only makes you who you are.

Only makes you who you are.

No matter how much your heart is aching,

There is beauty in the breaking.

Yeah.

When you're broken,

In a million little pieces.

And you're tryin',

But you can't hold on anymore.

Every tear falls down for a reason.

Don't you stop believin' in yourself,

When you're broken.

The truth was Rachel didn't care about the presidency anymore. She just wanted her friend back. She had screwed everything up with her own ambitions, not even stopping to think how it would affect Kurt. Rachel just wanted him to know that she was sorry. She wanted him to know that she would be there for him, if he ever forgave her.

Better days are gonna find you once again.

Every piece will find its place.

When you're broken.

When you're broken.

When you're broken,

In a million little pieces.

And you're tryin',

But you can't hold on anymore.

Every tear falls down for a reason.

Don't you stop believin' in yourself.

When you're broken.

Oh when you're broken.

When you're broken.

When you're broken.

Rachel looked at Kurt expectantly after the song ended, waiting for his reaction. Kurt sighed unhappily, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He dropped his hand back to his lap, finally meeting her gaze.

"Rachel, I know what you're trying to do. But you can't just sing a song and expect everything to be fixed. Life doesn't work that way. You still haven't even said that you're sorry. How do you expect me to forgive you?" Kurt asked tiredly.

"I am sorry!" Rachel exclaimed.

"No," Kurt said, getting to his feet. "I don't want you to say it just because I want to hear it. I want you to mean it, Rachel. Then, I'll forgive you."

Kurt exited the room, pulling Blaine behind him. As soon as they were in Blaine's car, Blaine turned to Kurt.

"You don't think she meant it?" Blaine asked curiously.

"I think she means it, but she only said it then because it was what I wanted to hear. She has to say it on her own, Blaine. Not because I prompted her," Kurt said, leaning his head back against the seat. "Can we just go back to your place?"

"Of course, baby." Blaine pulled out of the parking lot. They sat in comfortable silence the whole way there.

Kurt dropped his messenger bag by the door to Blaine's room. He stretched his arms out over his head, rolling his shoulders. His entire body was so tense and it was beginning to hurt. Blaine noticed this. He took Kurt's hands, leading him over to the bed.

"Take your shirt off and lay down," Blaine told him.

Kurt shook his head. "I'm not in the mood, Blaine."

Blaine chuckled. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm going to give you a massage."

Blaine pulled Kurt's shirt over his head, pushing him gently down onto the bed. Kurt stretched out on his stomach, watching as Blaine disappeared into his bathroom. When he reentered the room he had a bottle of lotion. Blaine warmed the lotion with his hands, bending to press a kiss to Kurt's shoulder. He slowly worked his hands over Kurt's back, feeling the tense muscles relax gradually. His hands roamed over Kurt's exposed skin, stopping whenever he found a knot to rub soothing circles around it with his thumb. Blaine soothed Kurt's tired muscles until he was completely relaxed and all knots had disappeared.

When he was finally done, Blaine lay down next to him on his side. Kurt rolled over to face him, a smile on his face.

"That was amazing. Thank you," Kurt said. He leaned forwards to brush his lips against Blaine's. Now that he was completely relaxed, Kurt just wanted to be able to enjoy their time alone. He pressed his lips harder to Blaine's, running his tongue along Blaine's lower lip. Blaine moaned as Kurt licked his way into his mouth.

Pulling away, Blaine took a shuddering breath. His eyes were filled with desire when he looked at Kurt. He drew in another shaky breath before he said, "We have to stop."

"Why?" Kurt asked with a frown.

"You said earlier you didn't want to. I don't want you to feel pressured," Blaine told him seriously.

Kurt chuckled. "I don't feel pressured, Blaine." He leaned forwards until his mouth was right next to Blaine's ear. He whispered to him hotly, "I want you. Let me make love to you."

Blaine groaned, crushing his mouth against Kurt's. Kurt smiled against his lips, wishing every evening could be spent like this: Loving one another, completely carefree.

K/B

Kurt tried to control his nerves as Rick 'The Stick' Nelson and Brittany made their speeches. He really wanted to get out of here and cut, but he knew that wasn't an option anymore. So he settled for shooting meaningful glances at Blaine, who immediately knew what was going through Kurt's mind. He mouthed 'I love you,' bringing a smile to Kurt's face. Kurt mouthed back an 'I love you too' before striding towards the podium. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

"Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel. The past few weeks I've been speaking about obesity at this school while my opponents chose empty promises and smear tactics." Kurt shot Rachel a look before continuing. "My opponents have tried spreading lies about me to get a leg up, but I have news for them. I refuse to be bullied. In fact, I refuse to let anyone be bullied. Today, I would like to take this one step further. I pledge to ban dodgeball at McKinley High. Dodgeball has always been used as a schoolyard instrument of suppression. It's violent, painful and humiliating. It is my belief that it is the equivalent of modern day stoning. Let's end dodgeball at McKinley High and send a strong message that violence isn't okay," Kurt finished.

As Kurt returned to his seat, he looked up at Blaine who was grinning proudly at him. He sent him a thumbs up, making Kurt blush. Rachel took to the podium.

"Hello, I'm Rachel Berry. I have campaigned for president on a crusade for school book covers, a plan which would save the school thousands of dollars. While I still see this plan as an inspired stroke of political genius I hereby withdraw my candidacy and urge you all to vote for Kurt Hummel." Rachel paused to look at Kurt, who was shocked. He couldn't believe Rachel was really doing this. "Kurt is the only candidate that never went negative in his campaign. He deserves to be president. That's why I'm casting my vote for Kurt Hummel. Vote for Kurt."

Blaine found Kurt as soon as they were dismissed. Kurt was still sitting in his seat, shocked by Rachel's withdrawal.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded slowly. He raised his head to look at Blaine. "I have to go find Rachel."

Blaine gave him a quick kiss before Kurt ran off. It didn't take long for Kurt to find Rachel at her locker.

"Why did you do it?" he asked as he walked up to her.

"I should have withdrawn from the race when I got the lead in the musical," Rachel said, turning to look at him. "You needed this to get into NYADA. You're already spectacular. Being class president will just put you over the top."

Kurt smiled slightly. "Only Rachel Berry could perk up an old boring high school debate with such a riveting twist."

"Drama queen I know," Rachel said, lowering her gaze to the floor. "I hated you hating me."

"Me too," Kurt confessed. "Scowling gives you fret lines and I'm way too young for Botox."

Rachel couldn't help but laugh. "I was so busy focusing on my dream that I forgot part of my dream was going to New York with you. I'm going to help you win this, Kurt."

Kurt smiled.

"I'm going to hug you now, okay?" Rachel hugged him tightly. When she pulled back she pulled him towards the choir room. Kurt was surprised to see all of New Directions there waiting for them. Rachel turned to him. "What I did was wrong, Kurt. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. But that's in the past. From now on, I will always be right here when you need me and even when you don't."

Rachel nudged Kurt towards Blaine who gently pushed him into a chair. With a nod at Brad, Rachel began to sing.

Young girl, don't cry.

I'll be right here when your world starts to fall.

Young girl, it's alright.

Your tears will dry; you'll soon be free to fly.

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream,

Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems.

No one ever wants or bothers to explain,

Of the heartache life can bring and what it means.

Rachel hated that she had let her ambitions cloud her mind so easily. Kurt was going through so much right now, in addition to dealing with his past, and she had abandoned him. But that would not happen again. She would be there for him, no matter what.

When there's no one else,

Look inside yourself.

Like your oldest friend just

Trust the voice within.

Then you'll find the strength,

That will guide your way.

You'll learn to begin to

Trust the voice within.

Finn began to play a steady beat with the drums, smiling at the scene that was unfolding before him. He wanted his girlfriend and his stepbrother to be friends again, and not just because of the awkward position they put them in. They needed each other now more than ever.

Young girl, don't hide.

You'll never change if you just run away.

Young girl, just hold tight.

Soon you're gonna see your brighter day.

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed,

It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid.

No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.

When you're lost outside, look inside to your soul.

All Kurt had wanted all along was an apology. Rachel had seriously hurt him, but he could forgive her. He just wanted her to actually feel repentance and not just speak empty words. When she had given up the candidacy, he knew she meant every word she was saying.

When there's no one else,

Look inside yourself.

Like your oldest friend just

Trust the voice within.

Then you'll find the strength,

That will guide your way.

If you'll learn to begin to

Trust the voice within.

The New Directions began to sing with Rachel, their voices swelling to a beautiful crescendo. Kurt felt tears burning behind his eyes but he forced them back, not wanting to cry. He had shed enough tears already that week and this was a happy moment. Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand tightly; reminding him it was okay for him to show his emotions. Kurt turned to smile at him as a tear streamed down his face.

Life is a journey;

It can take you anywhere you choose to go.

As long as you're learning,

You'll find all you'll ever need to know.

(Be strong.)

Break it.

(Hold on.)

You'll make it.

(Be strong.)

Just don't forsake it because

(No one can tell you what you can't do.)

No one can stop you;

You know that I'm talking to you.

Kurt turned his attention back to Rachel. He was glad that things were finally looking up for him. He would win the presidency and he would get into NYADA. His future was bright and he couldn't wait to start it.

When there's no one else,

Look inside yourself.

And like your oldest friend just

Trust the voice within.

Then you'll find the strength,

That will guide your way.

You'll learn to begin to

Trust the voice within.

Young girl don't cry.

I'll be right here when your world starts to fall.

Kurt hurried to embrace Rachel. She held him close, whispering to him again how sorry she was. Kurt knew she meant it when she said she would be there for him from now on. He finally had his friend back. Now if only he could somehow reach Mercedes. But for now, he wasn't going to dwell on that. Things were looking up. Kurt didn't want to waste any more time on sadness. Not when tomorrow would dawn a bright new day.