TW: mentions of rape/sexual abuse

There were several thoughts that crept into Blaine's head when he woke up. First of all, when did he fall asleep? He remembered Tina coming over and her asking him really weird questions about women. Maybe he'd made that part up, because it seemed silly for Tina to ask such a question when she knew he was gay. Yeah, he must've already been delirious at that point. Secondly, his head was pounding. When was the last time he took medicine? There was a certain time frame, like you can't take more than 2 within a 6 hour period, but had it been 6 hours yet? Third of all, and the thing he really wished he hadn't registered at all, was that his shirt was unbuttoned.

Come on, Blaine, just one night out at Scandals to loosen you up. Kurt's in New York, he won't even know!

He tried not to panic. He really did. But what was he supposed to think, what was he supposed to do? He touched his chest and frowned because why did it feel so weird? It felt almost...sticky. Like there was some sort of residue. What the hell happened?

I don't know about this, Eli. It just doesn't feel right.

You'll feel better once you've had a drink. Trust me.

Tina was here. Tina would know. If Blaine could just calm his breathing, he could figure out what the hell happened last night. He could figure out if...

He picked up his phone and dialed her number.

"How're you feeling, Blainey?" she asked as soon as she picked up. She sounded so cheerful, it served to calm him and make him want to throw up at the same time.

I don't feel well, Eli.

You'll feel great in a second. Come dance with me!

"Tina, what happened yesterday-last night? You came over to my house, didn't you?"

"Yeah." When she answered, it sounded like her mood had dropped considerably, but Blaine couldn't be bothered to care because he woke up and he wasn't fully clothed and please no not again. "We were going to hang out but you fell asleep. It was actually pretty cute, so I just let you sleep."

"And that's it?"

She hesitated. "Yeah. I was going to watch a movie but I was afraid of waking you up so I just went home."

Okay. Okay. Don't overreact, he told himself. Eli doesn't even know where he lives. It wouldn't have happened again. There's no way. But then, how...

His head hurt. His chest hurt. Everything was fuzzy. Eli was there, no, two Elis were there. How was there more than one Eli? What was Eli doing, why was he taking off his clothes? No, wait, he was taking off Blaine's clothes, why was he doing that? No. Blaine didn't want this. He just wanted to have fun for a second, to relax, to distract himself from how much he wished he'd been selfish and kept Kurt here with him. This isn't what he wanted. Not at all.

"Are you okay, Blaine?"

"I'm fine. Tina, are you absolutely sure that's all that happened? Do you know if anyone else came to my house? Did you notice anyone waiting in a car outside?"

"What? No."

Blaine ran a hand through his hair, the gel was messed up after his nap anyway, and got up from his bed. His pants were still on. He had that. That had to be a good sign. Maybe he got hot in his sleep and unbuttoned his shirt on his own. Yeah. That could've happened.

"Do you need me to come over?"

"No, no. I'll be fine. Thanks." He hung up and tossed his phone on his bed. It'll be okay. He'll just forget this ever happened, because nothing happened. It was just a fever dream. It was nothing.

You wanted this, Blaine. You poked me on Facebook, you messaged me, you agreed to come out with me. What did you think would happen?

Not this.

...

...

Blaine steered clear of Tina all week. Not because of anything she did-she'd answered all of his questions and had been really nice about it-but because she reminded him of that night, now. When he looked at her, he thought of her coming over, and his brain went wild with all of the possibilities that could have happened after Blaine dozed off, which of course set off thoughts of what actually happened the other night months ago after Scandals with Eli, which then reminded Blaine of his break up with Kurt.

Long story short, looking at Tina just hurt. So he didn't. Which was fine until Sam approached him at his locker about it.

"Why are you avoiding Tina?"

Blaine just shook his head and continued switching out his math supplies and books for his history ones. "I'm not. I don't know what she's talking about."

"She didn't say anything, I just noticed it. One second you two were all buddy-buddy and now you won't even look at her. Did she do something? I know about her crush on you but I didn't think you'd be the type of person to let that get in the way of your friendship."

"Wait, what?"

Sam's eyes grew wide at Blaine's confused expression. "Oh. You didn't know. You didn't know? I thought everyone knew. It's kind of obvious, dude."

If Tina had a crush on him, and she was there when he fell asleep, and she's the one who made him the sick kit with all the medicine he'd been pumping into his system...

No. No way. Tina wouldn't do something like that. Would she...?

He hadn't thought Eli would either but...

Blaine slammed his locker shut and headed down the hall to where he knew Tina would be saving his seat next to her in Mr. Schue's history class.

He didn't even bother sitting down. He just threw his backpack down at his desk and slapped his hands down on Tina's desk.

"What happened?"

Tina was staring up at him, shocked. "What?"

"That night at my house a few days ago. What really happened?"

The room was silent, watching in awe. Blaine hadn't even realized he'd made a scene until Mr. Schue came over and clapped a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "Blaine, I think this can probably wait until after class."

Blaine took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He was acting irrationally. Probably because all he could think of with Mr. Schuester's hand on his shoulder was the way Eli had placed his hand in that exact place, shoving him face down into the mattress.

"Please don't touch me," Blaine pleaded, glancing over his shoulder at his teacher. "Please."

Mr. Schue frowned and immediately removed his hand. "Step outside with me, Blaine. You too, Tina."

Blaine reluctantly stepped away from Tina's desk and followed Schue outside. When Tina came and stood beside him, Blaine took a side step away.

"Alright, tell me what happened," Mr. Schue said, looking between the two of them.

Blaine turned and looked at Tina expectantly. "Yeah, Tina, tell us what happened, since I can't remember."

Tina's wide eyes were starting to fill with tears. Typical. "Nothing happened!"

"Then why can't I remember, huh?"

"You were sick all week!"

"I should still remember!" Blaine argued. "I shouldn't be this confused! I shouldn't have woken up with my shirt undone and my skin crawling with this...this weird and awful feeling. What did you do? What drugs did you sneak in that sick kit you made me? Were you just trying to get me hazy enough so that you could-so you could-" He stopped, trying to catch his breath. "This can't be happening again. I can't go through this again. Why does this keep happening to me? Why me? What did I do wrong?"

"Blaine, it's okay, just breathe. It's okay."

It's okay, Blaine. It's okay. I'll take care of you. It's okay.

There goes Mr. Schue with the comforting hand again. And Blaine can't take being touched right now, he really can't.

"Don't touch me!" He yelled, jumping back into the lockers and falling to the ground. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them to his body. "Don't touch me, please don't touch me. I don't want this. Please." He didn't even realize he'd started crying until that moment.

He was so in his head he barely registered Mr. Schue telling Tina to go get Ms. Pillsbury, and Tina running off, and Mr. Schue crouching down beside him trying to comfort him. He hated that Mr. Schue kept saying everything was okay, because it wasn't. Why couldn't he just remember?

Tina returned with Ms. Pillsbury in tow. The guidance counselor was trying to coax him up and to her office but all Blaine could hear was Tina babbling.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine. You were asleep and I was just trying to take care of you and I don't know what I was thinking I crossed a line I never should have done it I know I'm just so sorry."

For the millionth time, Blaine asked, "What happened?"

"You fell asleep and I...I climbed on top of you and I...I rubbed Vapo-rub on your chest. I was just trying to help, I swear!"

Blaine just gawked at her.

"Tina, let's leave Ms. Pillsbury to take Blaine to her office and you and I can return to class."

"I'm sorry, Blaine, I really am."

"Come on."

It doesn't even feel real when Mr. Schue leads Tina into class and Ms. Pillsbury leads him down the hall to her office. None of it feels real because Blaine is back in Eli's room, back to feeling hazy, back to having no control.

Shut up, Blaine. Do you want the neighbours to hear? Do you want them all to know you're a slut? Because that's what you are, Blaine. You're a slut.

"I'm not a slut," Blaine said without thinking the second Ms. Pillsbury brought him to her office.

Her face turned the colour of her hair but she tried to remain neutral. "Okay, Blaine. No one's saying you're a slut. Do you want to talk about why you felt like you had to say that?"

Blaine just shook his head. "I'm not. That's all."

"Okay. Do you want to talk about what happened with Tina just now?"

Blaine shook his head again.

"What would you like to talk about, Blaine?"

"Can I go home?"

"Sure. Let's call your parents."

Blaine nodded as Ms. Pillsbury found his file and his mother's cell phone number and called her. He knew his mother would ask questions, but it didn't matter to him. He just wanted to go home. He could field her questions, he'd been doing it for weeks about Kurt.

When he got home, though, he was scared. He knew he shouldn't be, now that he knew the truth about what happened when Tina was over, but it still frightened him. This was the second time someone took advantage of him while he was unconscious. Sure, with Tina it wasn't that big of a deal, but still. In both cases, someone touched him in an intimate manner without his consent, and it made him feel sick.

He ran into his bathroom and threw up what little he'd eaten that day before staggering back into his bedroom and collapsing onto his bed. It felt like an indiscernible amount of time that he was laying in bed, just focusing on his breathing, until his phone vibrated in his pocket. He struggled to bring it out and answered it without thinking.

"H'lo?" he groaned. After the day he'd had, he was inexplicably exhausted.

"Blaine?"

He sat up straighter. "Kurt?"

"I just got off the phone with Tina."

"Oh." Blaine didn't really know what to make of that.

"She told me about what happened today; about what she did, and what you said..."

"Yeah."

"So...is it true?"

"Is what true?"

He heard Kurt take a deep breath on the other end of the line. "Blaine, she made it sound like...she made it sound like you were...like it wasn't consensual...with Eli..."

Blaine remained silent.

"Blaine..."

"I wanted it, Kurt. I went to Scandals with him, I danced with him, I went home with him. I got exactly what I wanted."

"Did he buy your drinks?"

"What does that matter?

"He could have spiked your drink, Blaine. If he spiked your drink, if he drugged you, then-"

"Don't say it, Kurt."

Kurt hesitated for a moment, leaving them to sit in silence, before murmuring, "Maybe I should come home for a few days."

"I don't need that, Kurt. I'm fine. We're broken up, remember? I cheated on you."

"You were ra-"

"No. No, don't you say it, Kurt, don't you dare say it."

Blaine was crying again, and he hated that he was crying because that meant he was weak and he couldn't be weak, he had to be strong. But Kurt was crying too, Blaine could hear the hitches in his breath over the phone.

"I'm coming home, Blaine. We need to talk about this properly, face to face. We need to get you help."

Blaine wanted to protest. He wanted to say no, that Kurt had work and he couldn't just drop everything to come take care of his ex-boyfriend that cheated on him. He wanted to refuse Kurt's help because he didn't need help because he was fine. He was just fine.

But he wasn't. So he didn't say anything other than, "Okay."

"It's okay, Blaine. I'll take care of you. It's going to be okay."

Blaine shuddered but tried to keep the memories from crashing onto him, forcing themselves on him, making him feel things he didn't want to feel.

"Okay."

"I love you."

Blaine hung up the phone because he couldn't bring himself to say it back. Not after everything he did, all the hurt he caused. He didn't deserve to be loved, and he didn't deserve to love Kurt back. When Kurt came home, he'd see just how used and disgusting Blaine was and leave again. Blaine wasn't worthy of being loved anymore.

He was broken. He was nothing.