It wasn't supposed to feel like this, Blaine thought to himself. Falling in love was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be earth-shattering, life-altering. Love was supposed to turn your world upside down in the best way possible and make it seem like you could never be upset or sad or angry or lonely again, as long as you were in that person's arms. As long as you were with them, no one could touch you.

So how did it come to this?

Looking back on the events of that summer, he couldn't help but smile. It had been good, while it lasted. He had to admit to himself that, even if he had known this outcome back then, he wouldn't change a thing. He would have done it all again, exactly the same. No matter how heartbroken he was now, to just get those brief moments with Kurt were enough for him.

Kurt always talked about his bucket list, constantly pulling out his iPhone and mentioning random items on his list. There were hundreds of things he wanted to do before he died, even though he knew some of them would be out of reach for him. Blaine, however, just had one item on his list. More important than all of his dreams and ambitions and wants out of life, there was just one thing he wanted to accomplish before he died.

Blaine Anderson's Bucket List

Fall in love

That was all he wanted out of life. He didn't think it was too much to ask for; after all, some people fall in love multiple times throughout their lives. He just wanted one time. One mind-blowing, heart-clenching, epic romance.

And that summer, that's exactly what he'd gotten.

…

"In exactly 13 days, B, you and I will be on our way back home and this awful semester will be over," Carter sighed as he attempted to study for finals.

Attempted was the operative word here.

Blaine peeked his head down from the top bunk and peered down at his roommate. "It wasn't all bad."

"Blaine," Carter deadpanned, "Your parents came back. Your brother almost died. Amanda's father did die. You became an alcoholic. Said alcoholism resulted in a nasty break-up between you and the love of your life, meanwhile I was separated from mine. This semester has been shit."

"Speaking of Amanda, are you going to her place again over Christmas break or going home to your parents?"

"Amanda. My parents are really understanding when it comes to her. They fell in love with her the first time I brought her home. They know that right now she needs me more than I need to be home. Plus, I'm almost 21; I can do whatever I want."

"Well that's good. I'm glad your parents are so supportive."

Unlike mine.

But Blaine couldn't say that. This wasn't about him. For once, it wasn't about him. It was about Carter and Amanda and Scotty and all of those kids that needed a strong male role model. Seeing as how Carter would soon be their brother-in-law anyway, it seemed only natural that he'd continue to be there with Amanda and help her with everything.

"Listen, man, I know I've said this about a million times, but thanks again for what you did for Scotty over Thanksgiving."

Blaine rolled his eyes with a smile and lay back on his bed. "I told you, it was nothing. He needed an escape; I know what that's like. At least his was safe with friends and not out doing who knows what. I was happy to be there for him."

"I know, but Amanda says that he's been different ever since he spent that week with you. He's handling things better and dealing with stuff at school better and not making things so difficult for Amanda while she tries to keep their family together. You didn't have to do what you did so thank you. Again."

"You're welcome," Blaine said, because what else could he say? It really wasn't a big deal. He was more than happy to help Scotty out. Scotty had become a good friend, regardless of the age difference.

In fact, when Blaine and Scotty went to the airport together but boarded different planes at the end of the week, Blaine was sad to see him go. It had been nice to spend that week with him; they'd really bonded. Scotty listened to Blaine's long, long monologues about Kurt and offered advice if he could—though he'd never really been in a relationship, his advice was quite effective. He'd helped around the house when asked and cleaned up after himself and gave Blaine alone time when it was necessary and a friend when it wasn't.

Plus, Scotty had helped Blaine come up with the perfect plan for winning Kurt back.

He just needed to work a few things out first that might be a bit difficult.

"Hey, I'll be right back," Blaine said, climbing down from his bed and slipping on some shoes.

Carter stared at him. "Where are you going?"

"Did Scotty tell you about Operation: GKB?"

"Of course. Operation: Get Kurt Back. Why?"

"It's about to be set in motion."

With that, Blaine grabbed his keys and headed down the hall to the stairwell of the dorm. He went up one flight and headed down the hall to a room he'd hardly ever been to before as it was but now had been visiting even less since That Day; as in not at all.

Because why would he visit Kurt's room when they weren't together anymore?

But today it was necessary.

He knocked four times and took a step back. After a bit of shuffling from inside, probably Kurt getting up from his bed or from the desk, the door opened.

And there Kurt was.

He looked surprised for a second, but recovered quickly. "Blaine?"

"Hi," Blaine offered. "Can I come in?"

Kurt nodded and stepped aside. "Of course."

He walked further into the room and was pleased to see that Stephen—Kurt's roommate—was presently absent. Perfect. He didn't want to have to deal with Kurt's borderline homophobic roommate when he was trying to woo back his boyfriend.

"So, what I came here to say was—"

"I'm sorry about what happened—"

They spoke at the same time and cut off at the same time, laughing at the awkwardness of the situation. Blaine gestured with his hand and said, "You can go first."

"Right," Kurt nodded again, leaning back against the closed door and watching Blaine. "I just wanted to apologize for Thanksgiving. I was out of line."

"You don't have to apologize for what you said, Kurt, you were completely justified."

"Oh, I know I was. I'm not apologizing for what I said; I'm apologizing for how I said it. I didn't need to yell at you like that, especially in front of my family and yours. It was inappropriate. I should have saved all of that for a time when you and I could calmly discuss it alone like mature adults."

Blaine sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets—half out of awkwardness and half to keep himself from taking those few steps to Kurt and grasping his face in his hands and kissing the hell out of him to end this whole ridiculous break-up. But he couldn't do that. He had plans.

"I deserve some of the blame as well, for even starting that conversation at the table. I should have waited too. So let's just call it equal fault on both our parts and put it behind us. Is that okay?"

Kurt hesitated for a moment, but eventually said, "Sure. Let's do that."

"Not that I'm ignoring what you said to me that day," Blaine explained. "You had a good point and I'm not saying I'm forgetting what you said. I've been thinking a lot about it, actually. It wasn't fair of me, and you were right, I tend to get really self-centered. That's just one of the many things I'm working on, you know?" Blaine stopped himself and laughed a bit. "And see, I just turned it into me working on myself when it's about you and that's the whole point. Obviously I still have a long way to go."

"Blaine, it's okay—"

"But it's not. You were so right, Kurt. I was so wrapped up in myself and the way I was hurting that I didn't even think about the way you might have been feeling. I thought that since you were still going to class and moving on with your life that you didn't need me and you'd just gotten over it. I understand now, though, that that's just how a normal person handles that type of situation. When something bad happens, I shrivel up and die; that's not how life should be handled. I should have been like you and just kept going to class and doing the things I normally do, but then allow myself that time to wallow and cry at the end of the day when everything is done. I get that now."

After a moment of Kurt eyeing him, he finally said, "That's good, Blaine. I'm glad you know how to handle difficult situations now."

"Yeah, but again, this isn't about me. So, I just want to ask you again, how are you doing? And this time I want a serious answer; be honest with me."

"I've been…" Kurt trailed off, the pause lasting so long that Blaine almost prompted him, but then Kurt continued, "Honestly? I've been awful. Those nightmares I told you about were real; I didn't just make them up to hurt you. I can't sleep and it's…it's messing up my school work, as I'm sure you've noticed in our class together. I…I miss you so much, Blaine."

"I miss you, too," he murmured, taking a tentative step forward. When Kurt showed no sign of discomfort, he took another step forward, and then another, until he was close enough to take Kurt's hand. With a gentle slowness, he moved his hand and reached for Kurt's, slowly threading their fingers together one at a time, letting their hands lock into place with each other. It had been so long since he'd held Kurt's hand, felt the way Kurt's fingers fit perfectly in the space between his, felt the warm press of Kurt's palm against his. He just stared down at their hands for a minute before looking back up and finding Kurt's eyes. "So much."

"Do you…I've been having this pain in my chest, and with my dad's history of heart problems I went to the doctor just to make sure everything was okay, and sure enough I'm fine. But I keep…it hurts, Blaine," Kurt's voice cracked, and Blaine would have done anything in that moment to take back all of the hurt he'd done to this beautiful, perfect boy. "My chest…just has this permanent ache and it…physically hurts…and I don't know what's wrong or how to fix it."

Blaine closed his eyes and hung his head, knowing exactly the pain Kurt was referring to. It was awful; he'd been feeling it for weeks.

"Do you know what I'm talking about?" Kurt asked.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Have you found out how to make it go away?"

There was a theory Blaine had, yes, but he hadn't been able to test it yet. Sadly, he wouldn't be able to test it until Operation: GKB was completed.

"I have a theory," Blaine hedged, not wanting to lie anymore. "But I'm still trying to work it out."

Kurt eyed him oddly but let it go, wiping the light tears from his eyes and composing himself. "So, um, I'm guessing you didn't come here to watch me fall apart and hold my hand. What was it you were trying to say when you came in?"

It hurt Blaine to hear Kurt so casually mention how broken he was, but he brushed it off. Of course Kurt was broken. Blaine had done that to him; but now he was in the process of putting him back together again and he had to focus on that part.

Funny how just a month ago it was the other way around.

"No, I actually wanted to invite you to my birthday party. Since my birthday is—"

"December 17th. I remember."

"Right. Well that's the Monday after the semester ends so I'm having a birthday party that night. I wanted to know if you'd come."

Kurt looked back and forth between Blaine's eyes and sighed. "Blaine…"

"I'm not asking you to come with me as my date or anything like that. I'm just plain asking if you'll attend the party." Kurt was still hesitant. "Come on, you love parties, Kurt. And there will be karaoke."

"Karaoke? Did you invite Rachel?"

"Rachel Berry? She's your friend, Kurt, I wouldn't cross a boundary like that while we're…"

"She's your friend too," Kurt said softly, squeezing Blaine's hand. "My friends all adored you at that party at the end of the summer. I bet if you invited them, they'd come."

"I thought they were all ready to burn me at the stake after what I've put you through."

"All they know is that we…broke up. They don't know the details. You're in the clear."

For the hundredth time, Blaine wondered why Kurt had defended him to everyone, why he'd only told people that they'd broken up but didn't tell them why. Kurt had been saying that it was a clean break-up, something that was just right for both of them at the time; that they just weren't working together at the moment. Why wouldn't he just tell the truth and tell people how awful Blaine had been? After all Blaine put him through, it's not like Kurt owed him any kind of mercy or preservation of dignity. So why the careful evasion of truth?

Blaine just had to ask. "Kurt, why haven't you been telling people the real reason we broke up?"

"Because you don't deserve that. You made some mistakes—a lot of them—and you did a lot of things you shouldn't have and said things you shouldn't have. But I let you. Carter was right, I was enabling you, and I should have just helped you, but I was afraid that if I pushed too hard I'd be pushing you away and I didn't want that. So I just stood by and let you become an alcoholic and told myself that it was okay as long as I picked up the pieces afterward. In the end, we were both wrong. There were so many things that both of us should have done differently. It wouldn't have been right for me to go around shouting your mistakes and ignoring my own."

"There was nothing you could have done," Blaine said, bringing up his other hand to cup Kurt's cheek. "I was too far gone. You could have locked me in my room and stood guard at the door to keep me from buying alcohol and I probably would have punched you in the face and left anyway."

"Blaine—"

"It's true. We both know that I had the capacity to do that, to hit you if you got in my way. But that's why I've been trying so hard to change. I can't even stand the thought of the fact that I was that kind of man, the one with the ability to hit you. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm trying so hard and fighting every day; some days are easy and some days are the complete opposite. Sometimes I can go through a whole day without even thinking of alcohol, but other times I practically start crying because the urge for me to drink is so strong and overwhelming. But I'm fighting it and I'll continue to fight it until I just don't have that urge at all anymore."

Kurt smiled softly. "That's why I didn't tell anyone. Because I knew you'd get yourself together and I didn't want everyone watching you like some kind of reality TV special while you did it. You deserve the privacy to do this on your own."

Blaine stroked his thumb back and forth over Kurt's cheekbone, wondering how on earth Kurt managed to be the best boyfriend in the world when he wasn't even Blaine's boyfriend at all.

"So…you'll come to my party?"

"Sure. And you'll invite Rachel?"

"Of course."

"Well…the only thing is, if you invite Rachel, then she'll invite Finn and Quinn, who will invite Puck and Santana, who will invite Mike and Brittany, who will invite Tina and Artie, who will invite Mercedes and Sam."

"So essentially inviting Rachel will be inviting your entire group of friends from high school."

"Basically."

"Alright," Blaine shrugged. "They were all really nice to me, anyway. I'll just invite them all myself. Along with all of my friends from high school."

"I have a feeling your party will be a weird d�j� vu of our party in August."

"Minus the alcohol," Blaine reminded. "That's the most important part."

Kurt smiled at him. "I really am proud of you, Blaine. I know how hard this is for you, and I'm proud of how far you've come. I have a feeling that by the time New Year's rolls around you'll be a completely new man."

Blaine chuckled. You have no idea.

…

December 12, 2012

Finals week was actually Blaine's favourite week of the semester.

All you had to worry about was finals, and if you had all of your finals on Monday, you could go home on Tuesday. As it worked out for Blaine, all of his finals ended today, so he would be hopping on a plane to go home tomorrow. He'd spent all dead week packing, so he was good to go for his flight tomorrow at 10:15am; he'd be home in time for lunch with Laurel.

There was something he had to do first, though. He had to see Alex.

He'd been to the Cancer Center multiple times since he'd gotten back from Thanksgiving break, and although Alex was confirmed to be in remission now—as of one week ago exactly—Dr. Pierson had wanted to keep Alex for just a little while longer for observational and testing reasons. It was a learning institute, after all, so they performed some tests for the sole reason of building Alex's case to teach to medical students.

Once Blaine's last final ended at 3pm, he headed back to drop his backpack off and then was right back out the door, on his way to see Alex for probably one last time before his parents took him away again.

Blaine wasn't delusional. He knew that once Alex was discharged, his parents would be taking him back to Ohio and never letting Blaine see him again. That was just how his parents were. The only reason they'd come back into his life at all was to save Alex; now that he'd done that, his parents would go back to pretending he didn't exist and trying to raise the son they'd always wanted.

As he pushed open the front door of his dorm building and stepped into the snowy street, his phone began ringing in his pocket. He struggled to fish it out in time with his gloves on, but finally he got it free and answered it. "Hello?"

"Blaine." It was Kurt. And he sounded…panicked?

"Kurt? What's wrong?"

"Blaine, where are you right now?"

"On my way to the Cancer Center. What's going on? What happened?"

"Just hurry up and get here."

The line disconnected, and Blaine was left reeling. What happened? Kurt said to hurry up and get "here;" did that mean Kurt was at the Cancer Center? Blaine knew that Kurt liked to visit occasionally even if it wasn't with Blaine, but he sounded freaked out. What if the tests had been wrong? What if Alex's health had taken another turn for the worse?

Images of his baby brother lying cold and pale in a casket ran through his mind the entire time he ran to the Center. By the time he got there, he didn't even bother taking the elevator, instead choosing to race up the stairs two at a time until he reached Alex's floor and sprinting down the hall. He spotted Kurt and Dr. Pierson standing outside of Alex's room; Dr. Pierson looked distraught, Kurt looked pissed. His arms were folded across his chest and he was tapping the ground with his foot, his jaw clenched.

Blaine was breathless by the time he reached them, but the second he approached he demanded, "What happened?"

Dr. Pierson turned his sad eyes on him. "Blaine, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" he almost yelled.

"I did everything I could."

Oh, my God, Blaine thought. Alex is dead. Alex died. But how? He was in remission. What happened between then and now? Only 7 days had passed since Alex was pronounced in remission and now he was dead? It couldn't be possible.

He couldn't catch his breath. Everything was closing in. It seemed so small. The white walls turned into the velvet lining of a casket, sealing him in an early death. They were closing him in, lowering him into the ground, 6 feet under. None of this was right. With the casket door shut, he couldn't breathe. The air supply was depleting quicker and quicker with every inch he fell. Why were they doing this to him?

And then hands were on him, on his face, and all his eyes could see was blue; a glorious colour of blue, like a clear summer sky, with little flecks of every color in the rainbow. It was consuming him, pulling him up. Was this heaven? He'd never believed before, not really, but staring into that blue, there was nothing else it could be. This was heaven.

"Blaine! Blaine, breathe. Just breathe. My God, Doctor, you couldn't have phrased that any other way? Do you know what that sounds like when you're referring to a cancer patient? What is wrong with you? Blaine, listen to me, Alex is fine. He's alive. He's in remission, remember? You know that. Just breathe, calm down, we'll talk about everything. Okay? I just need you to breathe."

"He's having a panic attack, he needs medication. Nurse!"

"Like hell he does. Blaine, focus on my voice. Do you see my face? Look at my face. You're going to be fine. Alex is fine. Everyone is fine."

Alex is fine.

Everyone is fine.

Just breathe.

It was like whispers of smoke sneaking into his coffin and one by one removing the screws, opening the lid, allowing air back in. Slowly, air was made more available to him. There was more and more for him to consume, and his brain hungered for it. He took in big gasps of air at first, trying to get as much as he could. After a minute, the blue faded and shrank until it was just two spheres of it directly in front of his eyes; his heaven morphed into Kurt Hummel's eyes staring into his, boring into him, willing him to come back.

"Alex is fine?" Blaine asked, because as soon as he had enough air to speak, that was top priority.

The blue orbs were moving, up and down. "Yes. Alex is fine; he's fine. He's okay. He's alive."

"He's healthy?"

"He's healthy."

Blaine clasped at his chest, fisting his shirt and bringing it away from his body, as if it was constricting him and if it was let loose he could breathe more.

"How did you do that?" Dr. Pierson's voice floated in and Blaine turned his head to the side, making Kurt's hands drop back to his sides, to see the doctor, who he assumed had been there the whole time.

"Not everything needs to be fixed through medication, Dr. Pierson. You medical professionals all just want to prescribe something and send us on our way. That's not how it works. All Blaine needed was something to hold onto."

"I have you," Blaine breathed, turning back to Kurt.

Kurt stared back at him and nodded. "Yes. You have me."

"Who has Alex?"

A million emotions flickered across Kurt's face; pity, sorrow, anger, desperation. "Your parents do. Blaine, Alex was discharged at 11 o'clock this morning. Your parents took him back to Ohio."

"I'm sorry, Blaine," Dr. Pierson repeated. "I did everything I could, but your parents are Alex's guardians. I can't legally keep him from them, and I couldn't make them stay. I already kept Alex here longer than necessary, but I had to let him go home sometime. He's in remission, his body is healthy again, there was no medical necessity for him to stay here any longer. I had to let him go."

Suddenly, Dr. Pierson's words made sense. He was apologizing because he didn't like Blaine's parents any more than Blaine did. He did everything he could to keep Alex around for Blaine's sake, knowing their situation, but there was nothing else he could do. Alex had to leave at some point, now that he was a healthy young boy again.

And really, that was the most important thing, right? That Alex was healthy. That was Blaine's number 1 priority. That's why he'd endured the presence of his parents in his life, for Alex, to make sure he was healthy and safe again. If Alex was so healthy and stable that he was able to be discharged and safe to go home to Ohio, then everything was okay. That was the best thing for him.

Despite the way Richard and Charlotte Anderson raised Blaine, he could tell it was different with Alex. Whether it was because they realized they were horrible parents and wanted to be better, or it was just plain because they loved Alex more, Blaine didn't care. He could see that they genuinely wanted to be good parents to his brother. The fact that they flew to New York to practically grovel on Blaine's doorstep so many months ago—because that was what they'd done, essentially—showed that they were willing to go to great lengths to ensure the well-being of their youngest son. And as long as Blaine held onto that knowledge, he would be okay.

He'd miss Alex every day. He would miss those times where he was able to run his fingers through those miniature curls and feel the weight of that angelic little boy asleep against his chest; he never felt more centered in the world than when he had that child in his arms. But those were memories he would cherish until one day, hopefully, he was able to see Alex again, and be the big brother that he'd always wished he had.

"Don't worry, Blaine, we're going to fix this. It is unconscionable that after everything you did for them, your parents would just disappear with your little brother without any sort of warning. We are going to make this right again. When we get back to Ohio, we're driving back to your parents' house and we'll demand to see Alex and if they don't let us we'll just camp out on the porch—do they have a porch?—until they have to let us in because we're peeing in their bushes and—"

"Kurt, stop. Please."

The second Blaine spoke, Kurt stopped talking. He still looked livid, but he held it in. "But, Blaine—"

"It's okay. Alex is healthy. That's all we wanted, right? For him to be better again. My little brother is going to be able to live a full life. He'll get to grow up and graduate high school and go to college and fall in love and all of those experiences. For a while we weren't even sure if he'd make it to kindergarten, and now he's going to graduate college."

"How are you not outraged? How are you not crying? Blaine, this isn't right, we have to do something."

"What is there to do, Kurt? There's nothing more we can do. Like Dr. Pierson said, we can't do anything about this. They're his parents; they have every right to take him home."

Dr. Pierson cleared his throat, interrupting the conversation. "I apologize for the interruption, but I must be attending to other patients. Blaine, I hope you're able to see Alex soon."

"Thank you, Dr. Pierson. For everything you've done for my brother. You saved his life."

"So did you."

With that, Dr. Pierson headed down the hallway, already on to the next sick and dying kid.

Kurt, however, was still hung up on Alex. He opened his mouth to argue again, but Blaine lifted his hand and pressed a finger to Kurt's lips. "Kurt. Really. It's okay. If I get to see Alex again, that would be great, but I'm just happy that he's okay enough to go home."

Silence. Kurt just stared at him, his lips parted slightly, his eyes looking at Blaine like he'd never seen him before. It was a whole new look that Blaine didn't recognize with a hint of a look that Kurt used to give Blaine a lot; the Love Look.

"What?" Blaine asked, unsure why Kurt was looking at him like that.

"You really have changed. You're a completely different person."

"I'm hoping that's a good thing."

"It's a very good thing." Kurt held out his hand and said, "Walk me back?"

Blaine simply threaded their fingers together and nodded, walking hand-in-hand with Kurt down the hall and down the stairs and out the doors.

It had been lightly snowing on Blaine's journey here, but now it was falling heavily, like a rainstorm, only it was snow—a snowstorm. Duh.

Kurt immediately brought Blaine's entire arm to his body and molded himself against Blaine's side, cuddling as close as they could while walking. "Come on!" He shouted, picking up their pace. They half-ran—the best they were able to when they were connected to one another—all the way back to the dorms. When they were stuck waiting at crosswalks, Kurt jumped up and down a little bit to keep warm and chattered his teeth. The second the walk sign came on he pushed through every other New Yorker trying to get around and kept on running until they reached the next one.

Eventually, they made it back to the dorms. Kurt still didn't let go of his hold on Blaine even when they entered the building. He tugged Blaine all the way to Blaine's dorm and stood impatiently while Blaine hastily shoved his key and turned it in the lock.

Carter wasn't there. Maybe he was in the study lounge or out buying groceries or—

Oh, those are Kurt's lips, and they're pressed against Blaine's. Oh—and that's Kurt's tongue desperately seeking entrance to Blaine's mouth. That familiar feeling of home overwhelmed Blaine like he couldn't have dreamed it would and it was like his body took over, immediately opening his mouth and accepting Kurt and the taste of Kurt to consume him.

His theory was right. All he needed to do to fix that aching in his chest was kiss Kurt. Both of their hearts had been shattered and frozen; the shards were wedged comfortable all across their chests, leaving them with a constant feeling of icicles being driven into their skin from the inside out. It was a terrible feeling, one that Blaine never wanted to feel again.

But all they needed was each other. With every move of their lips, every flick of their tongues, every moan and sigh and breath into the other's mouth, their hearts were putting each other back together again. Parts of Blaine's were spilling into Kurt's body and vice versa, the broken pieces of their separate hearts completing each other and making one heart in two bodies. That was everything Blaine had wanted, everything he'd needed, everything he'd wished and hoped for since That Day.

Kurt was pushing him back, headed towards the bed; but then it was like Kurt suddenly remembered he had a top bunk, and he made a noise of annoyance before dropping them both to the ground, crawling on top of Blaine and laying so their entire bodies were melting together, just one.

"It's so cold," Kurt murmured against his lips.

"Mmhmm."

"Less clothes."

Blaine immediately started pushing Kurt's coat off of his body and struggling to get his arms out of his own.

"I don't hurt anymore."

Kurt left Blaine's lips to nuzzle the side of his face, planting soft kisses on his jaw, his ear, his eyebrows, his neck, everywhere.

"I know," Blaine whispered, running his hands up and down Kurt's back, relishing in the feel of Kurt.

"You fixed me."

"We fixed each other."

Kurt pulled back, lifting his head up and just staring at Blaine. Instantly Blaine missed the feel of Kurt's lips on his, but this was more intimate than anything sexual ever could be. Just the way Kurt was looking into him, because he wasn't looking at Blaine, he was looking into Blaine. He was seeing Blaine's heart, his soul, his spirit; he was seeing Blaine's hopes and dreams and mistakes and insecurities and love; love for Laurel, love for Carter, love for Kurt.

Then, abruptly, something changed in Kurt's expression. His eyes flickered for a second and it was like he was waking up from a dream, and suddenly Kurt was gone; he was standing up, retrieving his coat from its place on the floor in between Blaine's legs.

"Oh, my God."

Blaine was on his feet in a second, chasing Kurt as he headed for the door. "Kurt, wait." He reached out to grab Kurt's wrist and the moment their skin made contact Kurt pivoted on his heel. Blaine was shocked to find tears in his eyes.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"What wasn't supposed to happen like this?"

"Us! You and me. We're not ready; I'm not ready."

"Then why did you kiss me?"

Kurt sighed and threw up his hands in frustration. "I don't know! I was caught up in the moment and you and the weather—you know how I feel about snow and wintertime. I was so amazed at you and how much you've grown and changed as a person, and I'm so excited about that, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm not ready to do this again."

"But, Kurt—"

"I'm sorry, Blaine," Kurt said, shaking his head. Tears were falling on his cheeks in earnest now—literally falling, Blaine was surprised to see. They weren't steadily rolling in a soft stream; they were leaping from his eyes, jumping ship, throwing themselves onto Kurt's cheekbones as if they were committing suicide by leaping from his eyelashes.

Blaine flinched when the door slammed in his face.

Fuck.