Blaine tried. He really, honest-to-God tried. He had always hated when he got like this, when his emotions got the better of him and he felt like there was no way out of them. He was trapped in a sadness that he had no rhyme or reason for. Now, though, it was even worse because he had Kurt. Kurt, the sweetest boyfriend in the world; Kurt, who just wanted to love him. Burt was there for him, too. And Laurel. Yet, all Blaine wanted to do was lie in bed and never get up and just drown in his own self-deprecating thoughts. After everything he'd been through, he thought that he was finally a better person. He thought that he was past these moods, the random anger and following depression. But here he was, feeling depressed after having gotten angry at the bar on Saturday night.

It just wasn't fair. If Michael hadn't reappeared, this wouldn't be happening. He would have given Karofsky what was coming to him, been kicked out of the bar, and he and Kurt would have gone home and he would have slept off the alcohol and it would have been fine. They probably still would have fought—Blaine was still an angry drunk, with or without Karofsky or Michael around—but when Michael did show up, it was like a trigger for him. All he could think about after that was his time with Trevor and Michael during freshman year; and thoughts of freshman year always brought him to thoughts of his parents.

Why was it so impossible for him to move forward in his life? All he wanted to do was forget his past and move on to his future with Kurt, perhaps even enjoy his present with Kurt. How as that too much to ask for? After everything he went through in such a short period of time, you would think that the universe would cut him a little slack. But it was like the universe was constantly throwing all the crap it put him through back in his face, and it sucked.

Maybe this was his punishment for being a bad person. The universe had tested him with his parents, and with Trevor, and his reactions to both made him deserve to have it thrown in his face all the time now. Well, maybe not his parents. He didn't do anything to deserve that. He just didn't do anything to deserve better. But Trevor was a test, and instead of being a good boyfriend and talking through things like a normal person, he just took to violence. What kind of person does that? A bad person. And bad people deserve the universe to punish them. Blaine was only getting what he deserved.

Then, why did he get Kurt? Kurt was a good person; the best person Blaine had ever met. How did someone like Blaine end up with someone like Kurt? More importantly, why was Blaine questioning it? He had a beautiful, compassionate, loving boy that stayed by his side no matter what, so why was he so intent on destroying that?

Really, with Kurt in his life, what right did Blaine have to feel like this? There were children starving, not only in Africa like those commercials want you to believe, but everywhere; there were people living on the streets; there were animals who had been beaten and abandoned; there were people who had been beaten and abandoned. Blaine used to be one of them. Used to be. He wasn't anymore. He was in a good place now. He was with Laurel, and he had Kurt, and Kurt's family who had accepted him as their own. He had no room to feel dissatisfied with his life. He was being selfish.

Thinking that, though, just made him feel more shitty. On top of everything, he now felt guilty for feeling so completely and utterly awful about his life, despite the fact that he currently had everything he ever wanted.

"Blaine?" Laurels voice called timidly from the other side of the door. "I know…I know you don't want to get out of bed…and that's okay…but, um…Kurt's here for you."

Blaine hated to hear her voice like that again. She was tentative and had that tone where she sounded like she was talking to someone who was standing on the edge of a roof of a 60 story building ready to jump off.

He sighed. He knew that he couldn't keep Kurt away. He'd managed to evade him for a couple days already, and that was quite a feat. He left Kurt's house on Sunday with the assurance that he was fine. Then, all day yesterday, he didn't answer Kurt's texts. He chose to send one message after a while—guilt getting the best of him—saying that he wasn't feeling well, and he was sorry, but they could talk when he was feeling better. Apparently, Kurt decided that today was the day he was going to feel better.

"Send him in," Blaine was saying as the door opened and Kurt appeared.

"As if I needed your permission. It was more of a warning, just in case you were naked."

"I'm not."

Kurt's face fell from the smile he was wearing when he first entered. He thanked Laurel quietly and shut the door behind him before coming over to Blaine's bed. He knelt beside Blaine's head and brushed the curls out of his eyes. "What's the matter?"

Blaine shrugged.

The pale boy touched a gentle hand to Blaine's forehead, then frowned. "You don't seem to be running a fever. Do you have a headache? Stomachache?"

Blaine shook his head.

"Do you want me to lie with you?"

Blaine shrugged again.

The silence must have been what tipped Kurt off. Blaine could read it on his face, the pieces clicking together in his head as he remembered things Blaine had told him before.

"Blaine…You're not sick at all…are you?"

Tears sprang to his eyes, and he hated himself even more. That was answer enough for Kurt, who quickly climbed into bed beside Blaine and held him.

Kurt didn't say anything. He stroked Blaine's hair, rubbed his back, and squeezed him lightly to let him know he was there. Not once, though, did he try to say anything. No, "It's okay"s or "Don't cry"s or any attempts to quiet him. He just let him cry, and Blaine's heart just broke even more because this boy who held him like his life depended on it was just too perfect.

When he had finally cried himself out, Kurt just continued to hold him, and continued his silence. He didn't try to pry and ask him what was wrong, or what he could do to fix everything, or why he was crying. It was exactly what Blaine needed, and somehow Kurt just seemed to know that on instinct. Like he was made for this.

"Kurt," he tried, voice raw and breaking.

Immediately, Kurt placed a finger on Blaine's lips and shook his head. "Don't. I don't need you to try and tell me what's wrong. All that matters is that you're upset and I'm here for you. Okay? No explanation needed, no conversation. When you're ready, you can tell me; right now, though, you're obviously not. So you can cry and you can sleep and if you're hungry I can bring you food or if you're thirsty I can bring you water; other than that, don't worry about a thing. I'm here. Alright? I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Now that the tears were back, Blaine nodded, because that was all he had the strength to do.

…

The first thing Blaine registered when he woke again was that he had a headache now, probably from all the crying. The second thing he registered was that Kurt was no longer beside him. The third thing was Laurel's voice outside his door, no doubt talking to Kurt.

"Shit…I'm sorry you had to witness that, Kurt. I know it's not pretty."

"I was more worried than anything. Karofsky is a big guy. He could have turned the tables on that pretty quickly. He was probably just shocked that such a tiny guy like Blaine was so strong."

"Blaine's a fighter, that's for sure. That's why I hate when he gets like this. He's so much stronger than he gives himself credit for."

"Why is he like that?"

"Like what?"

"So…down on himself? It's like…"

"Like he hates himself?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure. Our family has a history of unstable emotions, depression specifically. With what Blaine's been through, he slips sometimes. There's a trigger, like seeing Michael, and suddenly his world falls apart. He hasn't been like this in a long time, though. Not since…"

"Since Trevor. I know. And he got out of that with music, right?"

"Yeah. I don't know how much that will help this time."

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to stay here until he's okay again. I don't…I don't trust him alone in there."

"You can stay as long as you want. I don't want him alone any more than you do, and I'm not exactly who he needs right now."

"Thank you, Laurel. Really."

"No, thank you. I appreciate you being here for him."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

Blaine moved from lying on his stomache to curling into a fetal position. He hated being talked about like that, like he was some kind of crazy person who needed constant supervision. He could be alone. He wasn't going to kill himself. That might have been something to worry about after Trevor, but not this time. He couldn't leave Kurt.

The door creaked as someone opened and closed it, slipping into the room with an air of stealth. They were trying to be quiet, because they thought he was still sleeping. To make sure they knew better, he made a noise of what he hoped resembled something sufficient as a greeting.

New weight dipped the bed behind him, so he rolled over. Kurt was sliding in beneath the covers beside him, forcing a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Hey, there. Did you have a nice nap?"

Blaine shrugged.

"It's okay if you didn't. You were only out for about 30 minutes. That's not a very good nap. Of course, I don't know how long you were sleeping for before that, so maybe that was just the nap you needed."

Deciding an answer wasn't really required, Blaine just blinked at his boyfriend.

The lack of response made Kurt's smile slowly fade and the sadness he was trying to hide became prevalent in his eyes. "Are you hungry?"

Blaine shook his head, and when Kurt asked if he was thirsty, he negated again.

He wasn't sure if Kurt being here made him feel better or worse. On the one hand, here was his perfect boyfriend here just holding him and taking care of him and being there for him, no matter what he needed. It was nice, and made him want to talk and be happy again. On the other hand, here was his perfect boyfriend just holding him and taking care of him and being there for him, no matter what he needed. It was nice, and made him feel awful for feeling awful and made him feel like a terrible person for not immediately just getting himself together and accepting Kurt's love.

"Stop," Kurt whispered, smoothing away the wrinkles that had formed on Blaine's forehead with every thought. "You're going to give yourself wrinkles. And if whatever you're thinking of is making you frown, you shouldn't be thinking of it."

It was frustrating. Blaine didn't want to be thinking of this crap any more than Kurt wanted him to. If he could stop, he would. But it was like his thoughts had taken over his brain. He could force a smile, but it wouldn't be genuine, and it would hurt. Then again, everything hurt right now, so maybe he could try it.

He caught Kurt's eye and tried a smile.

Kurt frowned. "That was pitiful, Blaine."

Blaine reached up a hand to smooth over the wrinkles that had formed on Kurt's forehead when he frowned. Who's getting wrinkles now?

Kurt brought his own hand to cover Blaine's. He grabbed Blaine's hand in both of his own and guided it down to his mouth, pressing a kiss to each of his knuckles, the pad of his thumb, his palm, his wrist.

"I want to take you somewhere," Kurt murmured against his skin. "It's really important to me. I know that you don't want to get out of bed right now, but I think it could help. Do you trust me?"

He used every ounce of energy he had left to try to use his eyes to convey With my life.

Kurt smiled softly, and Blaine knew he got the message.

"Good. I'm going to go run it by Laurel. I'll be right back to get you dressed and we can go. Okay?"

Knowing he wasn't going to get any response, Kurt threw off the covers and jumped off of the bed, heading out of the room.

I don't need you to get me dressed. I'm not a toddler.

Blaine grumbled, kicking the covers off his legs and, with all that he had, willing himself to make the long journey over to his dresser to put on real clothes. Instead, he ended up just sitting on the edge of the bed. He was still there when Kurt swept back into the room. Assessing Blaine's position, he seemed to know exactly what had happened, and went straight for the closet.

"That's okay," he said, back to Blaine. He was reaching down to the floor of Blaine's closet, then pulled back with a pair of shoes in his hands. "You don't really need to be wearing anything fancy. You can just go in the sweats you're wearing. You do, however, need shoes, I'm afraid."

Without giving Blaine a chance to silently protest, Kurt dropped to his knees in front of him and went to work putting Blaine's shoes on for him.

Blaine made a point to avoid eye contact with Laurel as they left. Kurt said something to her, but Blaine forgot, or maybe he just wasn't really paying attention. When they reached Kurt's car, Kurt opened the passenger door for him and helped him in. Blaine buckled himself in, though, refusing to sink so low as to have his boyfriend buckle his seatbelt. He was depressed, but he refused to tread the waters into pathetic.

He had no idea where they were going; Kurt just drove, knowing exactly where he was going. After 15 minutes of silent driving—even the radio was left alone—they pulled up outside a place Blaine had never been. He stared out of the window at the tall, black gates, the grassy hills, the bouquets of flowers littering the ground left by loved ones, the tombstones.

A cemetery.

Suddenly, Blaine wanted to throw up. He knew exactly why they were there. Kurt navigated them expertly through all of the head stones, taking them on a well-worn path. He wanted to scream, to stop them. This was wrong. He couldn't visit Kurt's mother, not like this. It wasn't right.

Kurt stopped them in front of a plain, flat, rectangular head stone that lay on the ground with daffodils in a circle chain around it.

"Dad must have been here recently," Kurt said, mostly to himself, Blaine assumed.

Then, Kurt sat on the ground in front of the stone, tugging Blaine down beside him. He threw his arm around Blaine's shoulders and tugged him close.

"Hi, Mom," Kurt continued. "Sorry I haven't been here in a while. I'll come again soon, before I leave for New York. You know all about New York, though. Remember when I got my acceptance letter? You were the first one I told. Not even Dad knew before you. Don't tell him, though. He'd be mad, 'cause I always told you stuff first."

There was nothing awkward about it. Blaine had initially thought that sitting next to Kurt while he talked to his dead mother's gravestone would be really awkward, but it wasn't. It almost felt like she was really there, sitting right across from them.

"This is Blaine. I haven't had a chance to come here to tell you about him yet; he's kinda new. I met him on my first day of those college classes I told you about. I tried to be bold, like you always used to tell me, and I was the one who asked him out. It turned out great, so thanks for the advice all those years ago. It comes in handy every day, but it was especially useful that day, because now Blaine is my boyfriend, and…"

Kurt sniffled and leaned his head on Blaine's shoulder; Blaine reached a hand over to Kurt's knee, just letting it rest there. This seemed to be what Kurt needed to continue.

His voice was watery when he spoke again. "And I love him, Mom. I really, truly do. We haven't been together for that long, but you and Dad weren't together that long, and you just knew. That's how it was for me and Blaine, Mom. I love him." He sniffled again and wiped at his nose, letting the tears fall freely. It hurt Blaine more to see Kurt cry than it did to cry himself. "And he's uh…he's hurting right now. His own parents aren't there for him, and Dad has been really good at being there for him, but, um…sometimes, a guy just needs his mom. So I brought him here. You've helped me more times than I can count, and right now I really need you to help Blaine."

Without even really realizing it, Blaine was crying, too.

It would have been quite the sight, if anyone had passed by; two guys holding each other and crying in front of a grave. Then again, Blaine wondered how normal that might be at a cemetery.

Kurt nudged Blaine's head with his own, making it clear he was talking to him now. "Don't wait for some big moment where you suddenly hear my mother's voice, or she appears in front of us, or you feel some cosmic shift and your heart gets all warm and fuzzy. It doesn't work like that. Just sit and listen. Try to just clear your mind, and I know that's hard for you, but just try; for me, please. She'll help you if you just sit and listen."

So that's what Blaine did. He just sat there, curled against Kurt's side, and listened. He tried to clear his mind and get that overstimulated feeling back, where all he could do was hear the world around him and his mind couldn't focus on anything else. He listened to the crows caw and fly around, and the wind rustling the trees, and Kurt's breathing beside him. He closed his eyes and just listened.

After a while, he opened his eyes and realized he had no idea how much time had passed. It was like he had completely zoned out. But now that he was back, he felt…different, somehow. It wasn't tangible. It wasn't something that could be explained. It was just…warm. It was like when he heard that Avril Lavigne song and just knew. It was the thing that clicked and made everything seem suddenly not so bleak. He was very aware of the beautiful boy who had his arm wrapped around him, protecting him from anything and everything. Kurt was right, it wasn't big. He wasn't stupid enough to believe that Kurt's mother's ghost had come and possessed him and made him better or anything weird like that. It was just…like being there, in a place full of the dead, in front of someone who didn't deserve to die when she did, made him feel more grateful for his own life.

He may not have parents, and he may have been hurt, but he had everything open to him now. Contrary to his former belief, he had moved past the bad things in his life. He was happy with Laurel, and he was happy with Kurt, and he was happy that he was going to New York to pursue his dreams in less than three weeks.

Blaine pulled back and looked at Kurt, tracing his face with his eyes, committing it to memory. Kurt was gazing at him with those gorgeous eyes of his, scrutinizing him.

Tentatively, Blaine tried a smile again. He didn't try to force it, he just let his lips curve upward infinitesimally, genuinely feeling like smiling when he looked at Kurt.

He saw his smile mirrored on Kurt's face. "That's much better."

Kurt made to stand up, but Blaine grasped one of Kurt's wrists and held him back down. When Kurt raised an eyebrow, questioning, Blaine spoke.

"Thank you."

Kurt's patented Look of Love spread all across his features, and it was the first step in putting Blaine back together again.

After a few moments, Kurt stood up and held a hand out to Blaine. "I love you," he said. It was an offering. The hand extended wasn't just a hand to help Blaine up; it was a hand that symbolized their entire relationship, their entire future.

Blaine placed his hand in Kurt's and allowed himself to be tugged up.

"I love you," he returned.

It wasn't fixed. He wasn't magically happy again. He wasn't just back to being himself, just like that. But it was a start. He just needed that springboard.

The feeling of Kurt's hand in his felt so right, and he knew that for the rest of his life, Kurt would be that springboard. No matter what, he would be there for Blaine. He would lay with him and hold him and cry with him.

It was one thing to discuss a future, but another thing entirely to start one, and that's exactly what he and Kurt had done that day.