"…So that's it, basically. Everything with Trevor, anyway. He was out of the picture out of that, as you can imagine."

Blaine wiped the tears from his face and brought both hands to rake through his hair, then kept them tangled on his head. He clutched the hair, pulling it from the scalp enough to hurt. He had never in his life wanted to relive those memories. It was like the night his parents kicked him out; too painful to go through more than once.

For Kurt, though, Blaine wanted to do this; he wanted to go through and tell the stories all over again, letting the memories crash over him like a tsunami, thrashing him around and letting the current take him where it would. He wanted Kurt to know everything, the bad more than the good. Because it's not the good things that define you, but the bad, and how you make it through. He wasn't a stronger person for the A he got on his chemistry final that year; he was a stronger person for surviving while his whole world was falling apart.

"Blaine…" Hearing his name whispered on Kurt's lips brought him back, anchored him until the water was low enough for him to stand again. "I don't even know what to say."

Blaine shrugged. "There's not really anything for you to say, I guess. I just…you had to know what happened. You needed to know. I had to tell you."

"Why?" Kurt murmured, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Blaine turned from where he was sitting on the bed to face Kurt, who was sitting behind him. "Trevor…he wasn't a terrible person, at the end of the day. The way Laurel talks about him, it can come off that way, but that's because I didn't tell her everything."

"What parts didn't you tell her that you told me?"

"The physical stuff," Blaine answered. "She, uh…She doesn't know about that. She never knew anything about Fight Club or how, after a while, it was impossible for him and me to argue without throwing fists. All she knows is that I had this perfect first relationship with this older boy I was infatuated with who cheated on me and broke my heart when I was at my weakest."

Kurt scooted forward on the bed and wrapped his arms around Blaine from behind and to the side a little, hooking his chin over Blaine's shoulder. "What happened after that day? The one where Laurel came home to you singing Avril, I mean."

"That night, I totally broke down and told Laurel everything. Well, not everything, but you know what I mean. And after that, it was so easy to talk to her about it. I fell into that place again, the emotionally unstable place I go to during hard stuff. It didn't turn physical, because it was more depression than anger that time. But Laurel decided to put me back in boxing, and made me go to a therapist again. I told her about feeling like I didn't have a home, like I was just crashing on her couch. It was hard telling her that, because I knew it would hurt her feelings, but my therapist said that I needed to be open with her and urged me to tell her. Hence this house. Laurel immediately started looking for houses and found this one. It was out of her price range, but she was insistent that we do it because she would do whatever it took to make sure I was okay again.

"The Warblers helped with that; making me okay again, I mean. Once Laurel figured out how much singing helped, she spoke with some of the faculty, and clued me in on the Warblers. I auditioned my sophomore year, and they let me in. Junior year, they made me lead. Senior year, I was on the council. The Warblers took up all of my free time, which was perfect, because that meant that I always had rehearsal at times when I would normally have to see Trevor around school. And being in the Warblers gave me free access to the choir room whenever I wanted, so I ate lunch there, hung out before or after school when we didn't have practice. Wes and David were in it too, and at first I was scared that they were going to hate me or something because of everything that went down with Trevor. Instead, they told me how they never really liked him anyway, and he shouldn't have done that to me, and they became my best friends. I think Wes and David saved me just as much as music did."

Blaine felt Kurt shift behind him, huffing out a tiny breath of air, and knew he was just itching to say something, but was afraid to because he wasn't sure how Blaine would take it. "Kurt, we're already talking about everything, whatever it is you want to say or ask, you can."

"I was just wondering…you keep saying music saved you, and you said that you were really depressed, and that you just stopped talking, and never even got out of bed…and I'm just wondering…"

"You're wondering if I ever tried to kill myself," Blaine finished bluntly. No use beating around the bush.

Kurt nodded against his shoulder, and Blaine could tell that he didn't even want to say it out loud. He hoped that was because he couldn't stand the thought of losing Blaine, and not because it made him uncomfortable to know that he was in a relationship with such a basket-case.

"I never tried it, no. At the time, I convinced myself that I didn't really want to; I kept trying to make myself believe that that was something I would never even think about, never consider. But in reality, just the fact that I kept telling myself that says that I was thinking about it. I wanted to believe that I wasn't that messed up, that I was still normal enough that I didn't want to die like those other crazy kids you see at school that everyone talks about. I was exactly like them, though.

"When I finally came back to school to finish up the year, everyone was looking at me differently. You could just tell that they knew. After a bad break-up like that happened and it took me weeks to face everyone again, they drew their own conclusions. They probably weren't that far off, to be honest."

"Did you ever…hurt yourself?"

Blaine pushed up the sleeves on the hoodie he was wearing and held his arms out for Kurt's inspection. "Not a single scar. I think I was so depressed that I didn't even have the energy to try."

Kurt just tightened his hold around Blaine in response, not saying anything. The whole situation felt too delicate, like if either one of them said the wrong thing or made a sudden movement or spoke too loudly, the room would explode.

After a few minutes, Kurt whispered, "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Blaine. I'm sorry Trevor did that to you."

"It wasn't entirely his fault. I had issues back then; lots of them. Trevor had no idea going into the relationship that I was so messed up. He just wasn't equipped to handle someone like me. That night after Fight Club, when we were in the car, he said he paired himself up with me because he knew none of the other guys could take me, but he could. It turns out he couldn't handle me either; no one could."

"Laurel did."

"Laurel didn't know everything. I was always really careful around Laurel, and she was around me. She made a point to not do anything that would upset me in any way. Trevor didn't care; he treated me like he treated everyone else. Which I liked at the time, because even though I knew Laurel was doing that for my benefit, it got old; I felt like a mental patient. Trevor just treated me like a normal human being. The problem with that was Trevor, although he was a good guy at heart, was good at being bad. He was kind of a dick sometimes."

"I can tell."

Blaine broke free of Kurt's embrace to turn around and face him. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you kind of remind me of him sometimes. But you remind me of all the things I loved about him, not the bad. Laurel sees it too; that's why she's so skeptical of you. She's afraid that since things are so good right now, and you have so many of the good parts of Trevor, that you must have the bad somewhere in there too. She thinks you're going to hurt me like he did."

"I would never do that to you." Kurt brought his hands up to cup Blaine's face and stared into his eyes. "Trevor didn't know you like I know you. You didn't tell him everything you've told me. I know the good things and the bad things, and look; I'm still here."

"I know. That doesn't mean that you won't change your mind one day, though. We already had one fight; you saw how mean I can get. When I get mad, I don't just get mad, I get angry and volatile and mean. I can't help it. She thinks that one day, you're going to realize that I'm too much, and you're going to save yourself and I'll end up alone."

"She thinks that, or you do?" Blaine's lack of an answer was enough for Kurt to continue. "I won't do that, Blaine. It's different with us."

"How do you know? How could you possibly know that?"

"Because even though we had that fight, you never laid a hand on me. In fact, I seem to recall that just after you'd got done yelling at me in the middle of a coffee shop and started to leave me there, you turned around and kissed me on the forehead. You and Trevor never ended an argument with a kiss on the forehead, did you?"

"No. They usually ended with a split lip, black eye, bruise, fractured bone—"

"You broke each other's bones?"

"I fractured Trevor's wrist one time." Blaine winced, realizing how that sounded.

God, had things really gotten that bad with them? At the time, he didn't realize it. Looking back, though, Blaine cringed thinking about all of the physical damage he and Trevor had caused each other. Typically an abusive relationship was only abusive on one end—there was an abuser and their victim—but with Blaine and Trevor, they'd shared both roles equally. It was sick.

Shuddering at the thought of it, Blaine shook his face out of Kurt's hands and backed away on the bed, leaving space between the pair. Kurt looked hurt at the distance, and all Blaine wanted to do was rush forward again and hold him and kiss him forever; but he knew he couldn't do that. Thinking about what he was capable of made his head spin. What if he lost control during an argument with Kurt? What if he lashed out and hit Kurt?

He would never be able to forgive himself.

"I know what you're thinking," Kurt started, reaching out. Blaine backed up more until he wasn't even on the bed anymore; instead, he stood beside it, on the opposite side of where his boyfriend was. Having none of that, Kurt got off of the bed too, and walked around to where Blaine was. Blaine took a step back. "Stop. Stop backing away from me." Kurt grabbed Blaine's wrist and drew them together before Blaine could slip away. "You're a different person now, Blaine. You're not the same 15-year-old boy you were back then. You've grown up, and worked through a lot of your issues; you're in a better place now." Kurt placed a hand under Blaine's chin and tipped his head up to look directly into his eyes. "You're not going to hurt me. Do you hear me? You're not. I trust you. You would never do that to me."

"You don't know that, though. Trevor and I didn't intend to hurt each other. We didn't sit around and plan, thinking, 'Hey, the next time we get in a fight, I should knock one of his teeth out.' It was just how it happened."

"That's how it happened because you had no self-control back then. You've gotten help since then, professional help, and you've learned how to control yourself. That much is evident from our own fight."

Blaine sighed. Kurt just wasn't getting it. He had this perfect picture of who Blaine was set up in his mind, and it just wasn't true. Blaine wanted to scream in frustration. Nothing he said was getting through to Kurt, it wasn't reaching him. It was like nothing could shatter that image of Blaine in Kurt's mind, and it was driving Blaine crazy.

"You don't understand," Blaine said, pushing himself out of Kurt's arms and walking away to stand in a corner of the room, away from Kurt. "You've built up this…this perfect person in your mind. You think I'm this amazing guy that's gone through a lot of hardships and has become some saint in spite of the shitty hand life dealt him. But that's not me. I fractured my own boyfriend's wrist. I gave him countless black eyes and bloody lips and noses and covered his whole torso in bruises. I did that."

"He did it to you, too," Kurt inserted gently.

And why was Kurt making excuses for him? Now that Blaine had really gone back to that time in his life and was thinking it through, he wasn't any better than Trevor had been. Hell, he was probably even worse.

Blaine hated himself.

"I'm not a good person, Kurt! God, what do I have to say to make you understand that?" He was yelling, and he knew that Kurt's whole family was probably listening, but he was in that place and he couldn't get out. He felt like he was drowning all over again.

"Nothing you say will make me think that, Blaine. You are the one that needs to understand."

"Understand what?" he spat.

Kurt started taking tentative steps towards him, and when he made no show of moving, Kurt placed one hand on Blaine's face and the other over his heart. "I want you to listen to what I'm going to say. Don't just brush me off and tune me out because you don't agree, okay? Listen to these next words very carefully: You are a good person. You are. You did some bad things—lots of really bad things—but that doesn't make you a bad person. You were a kid who had to go through a lot of really tough things that even some adults couldn't handle. And you have convinced yourself that because other people who you trusted to love you let you down, you're not worthy of being loved; you're not capable of being loved. But let me tell you something, Blaine Anderson.

"I love you. And I don't care if we've only known each other for a month, and it's too soon to be saying that, because hell, it's too soon for me to be feeling that, but I do. I can't help that I feel so strongly for you. I can't help that you had an awful adolescence. I can't help that you've been hurt and abandoned. All I can do is tell you that I love you; that you are someone worth loving. And I will work every day for the rest of my life to show that to you and help you to see that. Because no one deserves to feel this way about themselves, not when they're someone as special and beautiful as you are, Blaine.

"Because you are. You're a beautiful person."

It was too much; it was all too much. Kurt loved him. He'd known for a little while now that he loved Kurt, but to hear that Kurt loved him back was exactly what he needed to push him over the edge.

So without another word, Blaine fell into Kurt's arms and cried. Sobs wracked his entire body, and he was gasping, trying desperately to lift his head high enough above the water to reach air.

…

When Blaine awoke the next morning, he was confused out of his mind. Where was he? This wasn't his bed. Who was that wrapped around his body from behind?

Then it hit him all at once.

Everything from when he set foot in the Hudmel house to him bawling in Kurt's arms. He must have cried so hard and for so long that he exhausted himself to the point where he didn't even register Kurt moving them to the bed.

Their hands were clasped over his stomache and he felt Kurt's thumb ghosting back and forth over his knuckles, so he knew the other boy he was awake. He rolled over to his other side to face him. Kurt was just lying there, staring at him with those open, loving eyes.

Loving.

Kurt told him he loved him last night. And he never said it back.

"I love you," Blaine blurted before he could really think about it. He hurried to explain. "You said it last night and I never got a chance to say it back. But I do. I love you."

Kurt smiled softly. "I know."

Remembering the context of Kurt's words, an unpleasant feeling overcame Blaine and he closed his eyes. He was reminded of a quote he'd read somewhere.

You will rip yourself to shreds to prove that I am worth loving. You will not hear the chorus of everyone I've let down. (1)

"Stop," Kurt whispered.

Blaine's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Stop what?"

"Stop thinking. I can't read your mind, but whatever it is looks like it's something you shouldn't be thinking of. So stop it."

Blaine rolled his eyes with a sigh and buried his face in Kurt's chest, cuddling closer. He felt nice enveloped in Kurt's warmth like that. It was like Kurt was his security blanket.

"There's probably breakfast downstairs waiting for us, if you want to venture out of bed," Kurt offered, running his hand up and down Blaine's back.

"Give me a few more minutes. I just want to lay here in bed with the person I love for a little while longer."

Kurt made a noise of appreciation at Blaine's words and tugged him in even closer, if that was even possible. They were as close as two people could be without melding together. That was fine with Blaine, though. He was more than happy to just stay like this with Kurt forever.

Too bad Finn had made it his life's mission to ruin any and all perfect moments for the two of them.

"Hey, dudes, Mom made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon!" Finn exclaimed, bursting into the room.

Kurt literally growled, the sound vibrating low in his stomache enough that Blaine felt it. "Finn Hudson, if you don't get out of my room within the next 5 seconds, I am going to castrate you."

Blaine heard the door shut before Kurt could even finish the threat, and he chuckled.

"And what, may I ask, is so funny?" Kurt demanded.

Reluctantly, Blaine pulled back a little to look at his boyfriend's face. "Nothing. You. Your family."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Well, apparently I was correct in my assumption that breakfast was waiting for us. So, if you'd like to go laugh at me and my family some more, we can go downstairs."

To be honest, Blaine would gladly give up food and water if it meant he could lie with Kurt for the rest of his life. But he knew that was impossible, so he nodded and disentangled himself from Kurt. "I'm just gonna use the restroom first. I'll meet you down there."

"Okay."

They left the room at the same time, Kurt heading down the stairs and Blaine disappearing into the bathroom. He took in his appearance and shook his head at himself. His eyes were red, and his cheeks still had tearstains. He splashed water on his face, rubbing at his eyes, then turned off the faucet and dried himself off. With one last dismal glance at the mirror, he decided that there was nothing more he could do and opened the door to follow where he'd seen Kurt go.

Before he even reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard Kurt and Burt talking in hushed tones.

"That was an awful lot of yelling I heard last night, kid. That is, until I heard what sounded like crying. Are you two okay?"

Blaine mentally cringed. So his boyfriend's family had heard. Great.

"We're fine, Dad. Blaine just…it was a rough night. But he's okay, and we're okay."

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"Not really. Don't bring it up around Blaine, either. He'd probably hate himself even more if he knew you heard everything that was going on last night."

Blaine didn't miss that Kurt had said he'd hate himself even more, implying that he already did, and was hoping that Kurt's father hadn't picked up on it.

The voices stopped so Blaine deemed it safe to continue his descent downstairs. He found Kurt and his dad standing just outside the kitchen and offered a small smile. "Good morning, Mr. Hummel."

"'Morning, kid."

Mr. Hummel was eyeing him suspiciously, like if he stared hard enough he could figure out every single thing that he and Kurt were keeping from him. Kurt nudged his dad and gave him a very pointed look before turning to Blaine.

"I'm hungry. Let's go get you a plate of those pancakes."

Blaine took the hand Kurt held out to him and they walked into the kitchen together. "You're not going to eat any?"

"Please, Blaine. My body doesn't look this fantastic on its own. I have to nourish it properly. I will be making myself a nice bowl of fruit."

"Already made, dear," Carole said from where she stood at the stove, cooking more pancakes. She gestured to the fridge.

Blaine watched Kurt walk away from him and open the door to the refrigerator, stepping back with a bowl of cut and washed fruit in his hand. Kurt kissed Carole on the cheek before continuing to the table. "You are an angel, Carole." When Kurt saw the way Finn was shoveling pancakes and bacon into his mouth across from him, his face wrinkled in disgust. "Your son, however, I cannot say the same for. Really, Finn, the food isn't going anywhere. You don't have to eat it so quickly."

"Don't just stand there, Blaine," Carole chided gently. "Make yourself at home. Go ahead and grab a plate, get as much of everything as you want."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hummel."

He did as he was told and got a few pancakes and a couple strips of bacon, setting them down beside Kurt but not yet sitting down. He noticed that Kurt didn't have anything to drink, so he laid a hand on his shoulder and said, "What do you want to drink?"

Kurt looked taken aback. "Oh, that's okay. You don't have to get me anything. I should be offering to get you a drink; I'm the world's worst host."

Kurt started to stand up but Blaine gently pushed him back down. "No, it's okay. What do you want? I can get it for you. I'm already up."

He noted the way Kurt's eyes were searing into his, like they were trying to see into his soul. So he tried his hardest to convey what he was thinking so Kurt would understand.

You helped me last night more than I will ever be able to thank you for. Let me do this one thing for you in return.

"A glass of milk would be nice," Kurt said.

Blaine was grateful for the way Kurt was always able to read him so clearly. No one had ever been able to understand him like that before.

"One glass of milk coming up."

He searched a couple cabinets until he found the cups, then grabbed two and set them on the counter. He poured himself and Kurt each a glass of milk and put the carton away, bringing the two glasses to the table and giving Kurt the one that was filled more.

Kurt leaned over and gave Blaine a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."

"Anytime, love."

He caught the way Kurt's eyes lit up at the pet name and counted that as a victory. He had finally found a pet name that Kurt approved of. Feeling triumphant, he brought his lips close to Kurt's ear and said low enough for only Kurt to hear, "I told you I'd find a suitable term of endearment for you."

Blaine swooned at the flush of color that took up residence on Kurt's cheeks.

"Yeah, yeah. Eat your pancakes."

Chuckling, Blaine turned to his plate and picked up his fork, digging in.

It felt nice, to be a part of a family like this again. Burt came in a few seconds later and Kurt sternly called out, "No bacon, Dad." Blaine laughed at their interaction. Watching Kurt and his dad made his heart ache for his own dad, but at the same time, it gave him a bit of comfort. He didn't really have a dad anymore, did he? His dad had already signed away any parental rights he had. But for some reason, after his talk with Burt last night and the way Burt was asking about him that morning, he felt like maybe he could have a second shot at that dad thing.

After all, if he and Kurt were exchanging "I love you"s now, they were obviously serious about each other.

Maybe one day, Burt wouldn't just be like a dad to him, he'd be his father-in-law.