“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he asked. Kurt could say he was fine as many times as he liked, but Blaine could tell that he was pale even for him, and those dark circles were not normal.

Kurt just waved a graceful hand at him. “I am. Keep working. You’re just procrastinating.”

Blaine dropped his pen to the table and leaned back in his chair. “Stop it, Kurt.”

Kurt turned the page of his book even though he hadn’t read it and raised his eyebrows, avoiding eye contact. “Stop what?”

“Stop lying to me. I hate it.” Blaine saw Kurt’s eyes pause in their movements and his shoulders tense up. “You can carry on saying you’re ‘fine’ and tell yourself that you’re just keeping something from me, that that’s not the same. But to me, Kurt, I feel like you’re lying and I don’t want that to happen to us. You’re supposed to tell me things. That’s what you do when you love someone.” He reached across the table and took Kurt’s hand. “Kurt, look at me.”

The other boy placed his book on the table, blinking a couple of times to clear his head and eyes before looking up at his boyfriend. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Blaine. I don’t want you to think that I don’t…trust you. It’s just better this way.”

“Why? Because I won’t be as worried about you? Keeping things from me makes me worry, Kurt. I’m so stressed because I can see there’s something important that you’re keeping from me – something that’s really hurting you – and I can’t stand it.”

Kurt raised their joined hands and pressed his lips to Blaine’s knuckles. “Why can’t I just handle this on my own? Why do I have to cause you unnecessary pain?”

“Because you’re not handling it. You don’t look like you’ve slept for days and that whole thing with Finn yesterday? It was…kind of scary, Kurt. You just didn’t say anything. It wasn’t you and I don’t want to see you turn into some sort of shell because of whatever this is.”

“I feel empty right now.”

“What do you mean?”

Kurt sighed. “You said I’ll turn into a shell of a person. I already feel like I’m becoming one. I’m…I feel hollow inside sometimes and I just can’t bear it. I don’t want to be this way.”

“Kurt, just tell my why, please.” Blaine could see Kurt debating with himself. He watched the boy bite his lip and look away, tapping his fingernail against the underside of the table. He looked so tense and Blaine just wanted to reach across and smooth away all the worry Kurt had pent up in his tight shoulders.

“I-I can’t sleep,” Kurt said eventually. “I just lie there sometimes because I’m…I’m afraid to fall asleep. Mostly I just can’t make myself rest, but whenever I do, it’s…” He looked at Blaine with a hopeless expression in his eyes. “I have these dreams; nightmares, really. They’re always the same and I can’t figure out how to make them stop.”

Blaine stood up, walking around the table to take the seat next to the other boy. He pulled Kurt’s head onto his shoulder, stroking his tense neck. “What happens?”

Kurt breathed in the smell of Blaine, letting himself become wrapped up in the other boy. He paused for a while, trying to think how to begin, and then he just gave in. He let himself talk about it, allowed himself to tell Blaine everything. He gripped Blaine’s hand tightly and told him about the dungeons with dripping ceilings; about Rachel and about being far from Blaine; about the sensation of knowing he had been raped and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He heard Blaine stifle a gasp a couple of times, each cut-off sound accompanied by a squeeze to Kurt’s hand.

He fell into silence, closing his eyes and pressing his face into Blaine’s neck while the other boy processed what he had been told. Blaine swallowed, making his skin press against Kurt’s for a moment and the taller boy just breathed deeper. If he had known that telling Blaine would make him feel this much better he would have done it in a heartbeat.

“I’m so sorry, Kurt.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I-I know. But…I’m still sorry that you’ve had to live with this. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I took you to New York, and held your hand without gloves, and didn’t tell you I loved you and—”

“Shh.” Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine’s neck. He reached up a hand to cup Blaine’s cheek and turned the boy’s head to him, pressing their lips together. “Don’t,” he said against his boyfriend’s lips. He kissed Blaine hard, lips moving purposefully over the other boy’s. “Don’t even think that,” he said when he pulled back. “Just…God, Blaine, I just want to sleep.” He laughed softly and felt Blaine grin.

“Come on.” Blaine pulled Kurt up and let him lead the way to the staircase. Blaine walked behind him, hands on the other boy’s hips, and when Kurt started to climb the stairs, he pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Kurt placed his hands over Blaine’s, fingers in the dents between the knuckles.

Kurt shut the door behind them and began to pull of his cardigan before sitting on his bed and slipping off his boots and undoing the buttons of his shirtsleeves. When he started to unbutton his shirt, Blaine broke in. “Uh, Kurt, do you want me to leave?”

“What?” The boy looked up at him like he had forgotten he was there. “No, you can just turn around whenever you want to.”

“Kurt…”

“Blaine, it’s fine,” Kurt said, undoing the buttons on his shirt. “I’m okay with you seeing my chest.” He gave Blaine a grin.

The other boy just turned his head away, trying not to look as Kurt shrugged the shirt off his shoulders. “Kurt, are you sure? I mean, it’s only been a week since we…”

“But I’ve known you for months. I’ve been in love with you for months.” Kurt stood up and walked over to Blaine, taking his hand. “I’m happy with this as long as you are.”

“I…” Blaine’s eyes flicked to Kurt’s chest momentarily, then away again quickly. He gulped. “I love you.”

“That’s not really an answer, Blaine,” Kurt said with a soft smile, lifting Blaine’s hand to his mouth and pressing his lips to it. “If you’re not ready to watch me put my pyjamas on, that’s fine. If you are, that is also fine. Okay?”

Blaine nodded. He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head, before turning towards Kurt. Immediately, almost against his will, his eyes roved up and down the other boy’s naked chest, from his exposed collar bones to the dip of his hips into his jeans. “Fuck.”

Kurt blushed and laughed, twining his fingers into Blaine’s hair and pulling him into a kiss. It was already so much hotter than any they had shared and Kurt bit Blaine’s lip almost possessively, sucking on it hard. Blaine moaned and stepped closer, unthinkingly bringing a hand to Kurt’s hip. He gasped into the other boy’s mouth when he felt smooth skin under his palm. He dropped Kurt’s hand to lift his own to the boy’s other hip. He pressed his tongue into Kurt’s mouth as he stroked his palms up Kurt’s sides. Kurt moaned and arched towards him as Blaine brushed over his ribs, then back down. When he pressed his fingers into Kurt’s hips, the other boy hooked his fingers into Blaine’s belt-loops and dragged him closer. He trailed his fingers around Blaine’s belt, playing with the hem of his shirt. Blaine pulled out of the kiss, breathing hard, and started pressing his lips across Kurt’s jaw, down his neck.

“You’re amazing,” he growled against Kurt’s skin before starting to suck on it. Kurt leaned his head back and moaned, not replying. He let the tips of his fingers edge under Blaine’s shirt, just sliding against the hot skin. Blaine moaned and bit Kurt’s neck hard. Kurt lifted one hand to the back of Blaine’s head, twining his fingers into the other boy’s hair, scratching his nails a little against Blaine’s scalp. Blaine let out a choked sound against Kurt’s skin, stopping for a second, only pressing soft, barely-there kisses to Kurt’s neck. The other boy pushed his hand a little further under Blaine’s shirt, letting his fingers trail through the hair on the boy’s stomach. “Kurt,” Blaine whispered, his voice breaking. Kurt licked at the shell of Blaine’s ear, tugged on his hair and then he was gone. He pulled away and left Blaine reaching out for him. “Kurt, what—?”

“I’m supposed to be changing, Blaine,” Kurt said, a feral glint in his eye as took Blaine’s hands and turned them, guiding the other boy towards the bed. “Sit,” he instructed, and Blaine did as he was told. He slumped onto the bed and just stared at Kurt as he reached down to unbutton his jeans. Once he had undone them, Kurt began to shimmy them off and Blaine gasped. He could see Kurt’s erection through his briefs, so very obvious as he pulled the jeans off his legs.

“K…” He swallowed, tried again. “Kurt.”

“Are you still okay?” Kurt’s expression had suddenly switched back to caring, all traces of reckless desire completely gone as he surveyed the other boy.

“God, yes,” Blaine said, reaching a hand out to him. “If you are.”

Kurt pushed Blaine’s hand back to his side and reached for the hem of the other boy’s shirt again. He tugged on it, raising his eyebrows at Blaine, and he took the hint. He lifted his arms above his head and let Kurt pull the shirt off him and drop it to the floor. Kurt stood between Blaine’s knees and stared down at him. He ran his hands flat over Blaine’s shoulders, down his arms, then back up. He bit his lip before stroking down Blaine’s chest, catching his nipples and making the other boy gasp.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he scratched his fingernails back up Blaine’s chest.

“So –” Blaine shuddered and arched towards Kurt’s hands – “so are you.”

Kurt couldn’t help himself: he had to lean down and press kisses to Blaine’s shoulders, to his clavicles, one right in the centre of his sternum. He lifted one of Blaine’s arms gently and kissed the inside of the boy’s elbow. He let his nose rest there for a second, then kissed the spot again and lowered the limb back to the bed. He cupped Blaine’s face with his hands, tilting the boy’s face towards him. “I love you,” he said, and Blaine only had time to smile in reply before Kurt was kissing him again.

It was slower this time, with Kurt leading them. He let his lips slide languorously over Blaine’s, breaking away to press them to the corner of the boy’s mouth, then back again. He licked a slow, hot stripe across Blaine’s bottom lip and the other’s boy’s mouth parted in response. Kurt broke this kiss again and Blaine whined.

“No,” he whispered, hands grabbing Kurt’s hips.

“Shh. I just couldn’t bend like that any more,” Kurt said, stroking a hand through Blaine’s hair. Then he placed a hand on each of the boy’s shoulders and climbed into his lap. He kept himself raised up on his knees, hips just hovering above Blaine’s as he pushed the other boy back onto the bed. Blaine stared up at him, running his hands up and down Kurt’s back, revelling in the softness of Kurt’s skin. Kurt kissed Blaine’s forehead before balancing his weight on one arm and reaching the other between them. His fingers fumbled to undo the button of Blaine’s jeans.

“Here,” Blaine said, taking over, letting Kurt put his weight on both hands again. He slid his jeans over his hips, pushing them to his knees and kicking them the rest of the way off. He looked up at Kurt again. “Okay?”

The other boy smiled down at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling in the way that made Blaine want to kiss them. “Yeah,” he murmured. He bumped his nose against Blaine’s cheek, then pressed their lips together again. He started where they had left off, pressing his tongue into Blaine’s mouth, tangling it with the other boy’s. They both moaned and Blaine arched off the bed a tiny bit. As he did so, his hips brushed against Kurt’s. Blaine slid his hands down Kurt’s back and pressed on the boy’s lower back. Kurt didn’t even try to resist. He let his hips rock down into Blaine’s and they broke from their kiss immediately, moaning. Kurt pressed his lips to Blaine’s neck as the shorter boy threw his head back.

Kurt thrust experimentally and suddenly they could feel their erections rubbing against each other through the fabric and –

“Fuck,” Blaine moaned.

Kurt whined, lips finding Blaine’s as he thrust again. He rocked into the other boy, both of them gasping at the friction. Kurt started up a rhythm, thrusting his hips slowly against the Blaine’s, each feeling the length of the other boy’s cock sliding against his own, even through the material of their underwear. Kurt licked at Blaine’s mouth, around his teeth, along his tongue, and Blaine just moaned beneath him. The shorter boy slid his hands further, over Kurt’s ass, and pulled him harder against him.

Kurt’s lips left Blaine’s as he began to thrust with greater force. He kissed Blaine’s jaw, bit the lobe of his ear, licked at the dip behind it, hips snapping faster all the while. Blaine was keening beneath him, fingers scrabbling at Kurt’s back, and Kurt could feel the noise vibrating from Blaine’s throat onto his lips. The other boy started to thrust back into him, meeting his hips each time they rocked down, and Kurt let out a shout of pleasure. His fingers grabbed at the sheets on either side of Blaine’s head, anchoring himself.

Blaine writhed beneath him, bucking his hips up, trying to get any more friction. He was muttering nonsense in Kurt’s ear, hot breath spilling across Kurt’s skin and just adding more sensation to his already overwrought body.

“Blaine, I…”

“I know. God, Kurt, I know.”

They moved even faster then, falling out of rhythm but not really caring because they were so close. Kurt kissed Blaine hard and without finesse, but that didn’t matter. He thrust his hips twice more and suddenly there were stars across his vision as he was coming, rocking hard against Blaine. The other boy, feeling Kurt come against him, let out a deep moan, every muscle in his body tensing as he joined him. He dug his nails into the skin of Kurt’s back as they rocked through their orgasms together.

At last, they stopped. Kurt slumped onto Blaine, all his weight falling onto the other boy. Their chests were pressed flush against each other, sticky with sweat, and Kurt was lifted slightly with every deep, shuddering breath Blaine took. After a few moments like that, Kurt rolled to the side, off the other boy. They both lay on their backs, panting as they stared at the ceiling. Blaine’s hand reached blindly until it found Kurt’s and entwined their fingers. He stroked his thumb across the back of it as they lay there, their breathing eventually slowing, their heart-rates dropping.

Blaine turned his head to look at Kurt. He had intended to say something about what they had just done, or tell him he loved him, but the other boy had his eyes closed and a blissful expression on his face. Blaine smiled, watching his boyfriend sleep peacefully for what he knew was the first time in too long. He reached towards the end of the bed, not letting go of the hand between their bodies, and grabbed the blanket folded there. He spread it over Kurt and himself before settling onto his back again. He knew they were lying the wrong way on the bed, that they should get up and take showers and maybe put on clothes in case someone came home, but Blaine couldn’t make himself care. He was not about to wake the beautiful boy next to him and also, he realised as he closed his eyes, he was feeling pretty exhausted himself. He listened to the deep breaths of Kurt’s slumber and allowed himself to drift off.