Aug. 24, 2011, 1:03 p.m.
Hold On: Chapter 5
T - Words: 2,634 - Last Updated: Aug 24, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 6/6 - Created: Aug 24, 2011 - Updated: Aug 24, 2011 1,036 0 0 0 0
Kurt had never really spent much time alone with Nick before, or with any of the Warblers really. He got along with them all great as a group, but one on one it was always just him and Blaine. He had learned over the last 24 hours that Nick and Blaine shared a greater friendship than he had been aware, and he had to admit he wanted to know exactly what that was all about. So he was pleased for the opportunity for the two of them to be alone.
"So," he asked Nick as they sat listening to the radio. "How did you and Blaine become so close?"
Nick looked at him carefully then turned back to the road. "Blaine and I hit it off the first day he came to Warblers rehearsal after transferring from his old school. The other boys were throwing papers at each other, doing ridiculous tricks, and talking about girls. I noticed him sitting off in the corner, a little nervous, so I thought I'd check in with him. We started talking about music, philosophy and acting and just never really stopped. The old souls everyone called us. But it was true."
Kurt thought that made sense, but something still worried him. "Were you two anything ever… " he hesitated slightly, "more than just friends?"
Nick looked over to Kurt, laughed, and shook his head. "No. Blaine's not my type. Besides, an old soul needs its balance," he said smiling to Kurt. "That's why he found you."
Kurt thought about that and grinned. So Nick thought of him as a young soul. He supposed it was true.
"How did you know about…what was going on at his home?" Kurt asked quietly.
Nick thought for a moment. "Blaine was always so present, so on, all the time. Except he would come back from home visits with a faraway look in his eye. He wasn't himself. His confidence would be gone. He would be jumpy. That smooth, easy way he moves in the world would turn into a strange stiffness. It would take a few days for him to start being himself again. Blaine covered it up as best he could. The other guys didn't really notice, but I could see it, and he knew that I could."
Kurt thought about all that Blaine had shared with him. Even the times his father hadn't gotten physical with him, the words and the lies cut him down just the same.
"For a while, it remained unspoken between us." Nick continued, "But he returned after one weekend, claiming he couldn't dance because he had hurt his knee playing ball with his Dad. He stood at the piano through the entire rehearsal, singing but only watching the choreography. I couldn't help but wonder, why stand there all night if his knee hurt? I realized there was more he was hiding. So I asked to talk to him after rehearsal."
Kurt remembered that day. He and Blaine had started to leave when Nick asked his boyfriend to stay, saying he had a personal matter to discuss with Blaine. Blaine told Kurt it was ok, and kissed him goodnight before closing the doors behind Nick and himself. "That must have been the day after report cards came out," Kurt said, recalling what Blaine had told Burt. "How did you get him to tell you?"
"Blaine has learned his whole life to keep secrets. The only way he knows how to expose them is through song. When he refused to sit with me, I told him that I knew he was hurting, in a way he didn't feel he could talk about. I asked him if he had a song he could sing that would explain it to me. So he did."
"What was it?" Kurt asked.
"Hold On, from Secret Garden. He said you had put the musical in his IPod. He told me that before he had listened to it, he'd never had the words to express how he felt, but you gave them to him without even knowing it. He sang and it was the most hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking performance I've ever heard."
Kurt sat back, closed his eyes and imagined how hard it must have been for Blaine to sing those words to someone else.
And he's jealous and he fears
That you've walked through walls
He's hid behind for years.
"I asked him if the song was about his father, and he whispered yes. I asked if it was his father that had hurt him, and he nodded. I wondered what he wanted to do, and he said he couldn't do anything, now that he had found you. I didn't know what he meant."
Kurt nodded. Blaine's biggest fears were about to come true. He would have to choose between his family and Dalton, or Kurt. It was a choice he knew would hurt Blaine terribly. He and Nick looked at each other. Kurt closed his eyes and sang as if Blaine could hear his voice on the wind:
It's this day, not me,
That's bound to go away
Nick joined in, in prayer, for his friend.
It's this day, not you,
That's bound to go away!
The car ride to Blaine's home was pretty much silent. Blaine spent the time thinking about the things he wanted to say. He tried to stop himself from thinking about the things he wanted to hear, but it was hard. No expectations, he reminded himself.
When they arrived, Blaine rang the doorbell. It was strange not having the keys to his own home. He wondered if it was really his home anymore.
Colonel Anderson opened the door and let his son and Mr. Hummel into the house. Mr. Hummel shook the Colonel's hand and they all stood in an awkward silence for a moment. Blaine's heart beat with a mix of fear and anticipation.
"Where's Mom?" Blaine asked.
"She decided she didn't want to be here for this," Col. Anderson responded.
Blaine just nodded. It wasn't surprising. He was used to being left alone to handle the aftermath. Then he remembered that today he was not alone, Mr. Hummel was there with him. He looked to Burt as to what to do next.
Burt cleared his throat and said, "Why don't we all take a seat."
Blaine sat on one couch with his back to the front door. Col. Anderson sat on the other, perpendicular, as Mr. Hummel sat next to Blaine between them. Silence again filled the room, and Blaine tried to remember the last time he and his father had just sat down to talk. The day I came out, Blaine thought, and his stomach dropped. That day hadn't ended so well. He hunched over, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. Today would be different. He had found his strength, and he was ready this time.
Finally, Colonel Anderson broke the silence. "Look Blaine," he said, "I'm willing to give you a second chance here. We deal with the issue of your lies, and then we start with a clean slate."
"Kurt's father took his car keys for a week for lying, Dad. Somehow, I don't think that's what you have in mind," Blaine answered, glancing at his father's belt involuntarily, before looking away.
Blaine's father looked to him. "I have always tried to do what I thought was best for you. Maybe sometimes I was a little harder on you than I should have been. Maybe I could have done things a bit differently, tried not to act out of anger so much."
Blaine didn't respond. He wanted to scream; damn right you could have done things differently! But he waited to hear his father out.
"But some things I won't change." Col. Anderson continued, "I don't agree with your being gay, and I won't have it in my house."
His blood started to boil, but he swallowed hard and kept calm. "It's not something you get to agree or disagree with Dad," Blaine said without looking at him, "It just is."
"This is still my house, with my rules," his father acknowledged.
"You should have stayed in Iraq," Blaine muttered under his breath, finally saying something he had been thinking for years.
Colonel Anderson rose quickly out of his seat, and Blaine flinched. But his father didn't raise his hand to Blaine, and Mr. Hummel placed a comforting hand on the boy's back. "I transferred back to Ohio because your mother was having a very difficult time with you and your behavior," he snapped. "She was worried about you. I felt you needed a man at home."
Blaine couldn't hold back any longer. "I needed a Dad at home," Blaine yelled, standing up to face his father. "Someone to support me, and love me, and protect me. I didn't need an Army colonel to whip me into shape and make me someone I was not," His heart raced but now that he had started, he couldn't stop. He was so angry and heartbroken that he forgot to be afraid. "I can't play by your rules anymore. Living with secrets, and lies, covering up who I am to earn the little bit of freedom you allow me. I'm not playing by your rules anymore. It's my turn now. "
Colonel Anderson raised his eyebrow, "Freedom isn't free, Blaine. You can't have everything you want." he said.
Blaine scoffed. "I am well aware of that, trust me. But I'm beginning to realize, it isn't worth your cost."
Colonel Anderson looked at his son, and glanced at the man sitting next to him. He took a seat and left Blaine standing alone, "I'm listening," he told his only son.
With Kurt in the room, Blaine had been terrified of provoking his father. He had been terrified of losing everything. But now that he had resigned himself to leaving Dalton and the Warblers, he realized there was nothing else his father could take from him. Blaine looked at Mr. Hummel, who nodded to him. How can I win if I don't ever try, he had sung. Wiping his damp palms on his pants, he took a breath. "First, you don't get to hit me anymore. Ever. For anything." He waited for a reaction. He wasn't sure what he expected but his father just sat there.
"Go on," his father told him.
"Second, I won't hide myself, alone anymore, whether it's in the closet or the cupboard under the stairs. If Kurt is not welcome in this home, then neither am I," Blaine finished and slowly sat down next to Burt. He lowered his eyes, unable to look at his father, but he felt a sense of relief wash over him for the first time in a long time.
Burt squeezed Blaine's hand, quite proud of the boy for standing up for himself. Burt looked to the other man, with hope, but he knew as well as Blaine did that there was little.
"I can work on changing the way I handle things when I'm angry or have an issue with your behavior," Col. Anderson started. "But there is no way that I will allow you to bring a boyfriend into my house, and encourage you to tell the world what you are. I am a military officer, and like it or not, my family's conduct has an impact on how I am perceived. I will not have you and your boyfriend prancing about for all of my friends, neighbors and colleagues to see!"
"You know nothing about Kurt and me!" Blaine laughed angrily. "You don't want Kurt here because he's out and he's proud? Well Dad, so am I! Everyone at Dalton knows I'm gay. Everyone at Kurt's school knows I'm gay. The coffeehouse, Breadsticks, even the damn Gap, Dad, they all know I'm gay and you know what? Almost nobody cares. In fact, one of the only people who seems to care is you."
Col. Anderson looked at Blaine in silence. Blaine held his breath but stood his ground. He watched his father decide, and his determination grew.
"The deal's the same, Blaine. It's your choice," his father said.
"No Dad," Blaine said shaking his head. "I'm done with your deals and your choices. The only thing I ever wanted from you was your love and acceptance. Thanks to Kurt and his family, I know what real love is now, and I'm not willing to settle for less. This time, the choice is yours. You can have a gay son, or you can have no son."
Col. Anderson looked to Burt and then looked to his son. His eyes looked sad, and Blaine just nodded at the man before him. When he spoke, Blaine wasn't surprised, "I'm sorry, Blaine, I can't."
"Are you alright son," asked Burt as he helped the boy carry his bags to the car.
"Yeah, Mr. Hummel," he said. "I'm good. I'm actually really good."
"Good," Burt said clasping him on the shoulder. "Then we have one more person to see."
Blaine stood in a coffee shop not too far from his father's house, Burt behind him for moral support. Blaine's mother looked at him from across the restaurant and stood up, questioning. He slowly walked over to her and looked her in the eye. "I left him too," he said simply.
"I only ever returned for you Blaine," she said and took him in his arms, crying.
When his mother had settled, they all sat at the table together, and Blaine ordered a regular coffee. Mr. Hummel asked for water.
"I went to court this morning Blaine, and petitioned for full custody of you. It's granted, temporarily, until your father and I go to trial. I've filed for divorce."
Blaine just slowly nodded his head. He worried what this all meant for him. "Why didn't you ever do that before?" Blaine wondered.
"I thought you needed your father around. I thought he was right," she explained, shaking her head. "Then I met Kurt. I could see how much he mattered to you. I could see in your eyes how much it hurt you that he wasn't welcome in your home and I realized it wasn't fair to make you live that way. Then Mr. Hummel came and we talked for a long time. "
Blaine looked over at Burt and smiled, as he reached across the table to take his mother's hand.
"So what do we do now?" Blaine asked.
"I'm looking for an apartment for us. I actually saw a place today and put a deposit down. They need to run all the credit checks and stuff, but I should know by the end of the week."
"Oh." Blaine closed his eyes, terrified about what that meant for school, and of course for him and Kurt. "Where is it?" he asked quietly.
His mother squeezed his hand, and as he raised his eyes he saw her smile. "It's in Lima," she said.
Blaine looked at her stunned, and then he couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears of relief flowed freely.