Hold On
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Hold On: Chapter 4


T - Words: 3,467 - Last Updated: Aug 24, 2011
Story: Complete - Chapters: 6/6 - Created: Aug 24, 2011 - Updated: Aug 24, 2011
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Blaine awoke with a start, forgetting for a moment where he was, then turned his head to see Kurt lying next to him. He smiled, wondering how on earth could I have forgotten that? The light streamed in the window, but Kurt was still fast asleep. He rolled over to embrace his angel, and nuzzled into Kurt's neck. He breathed with Kurt, allowing himself to soak in the warmth and innocence of his boyfriend. Well, I may have done a little to shatter some of that innocence last night, Blaine thought with a smile.

Kurt stirred, and Blaine chuckled, wondering if Kurt had read his mind. Kurt rolled over and smiled sleepily at the man looking down at him.

"Hello there," Blaine said, with a huge smile.

"Hello yourself," Kurt said, pushing Blaine away as Blaine tried to kiss him. "I don't do morning breath."

"Oh…are we there already?" Blaine said, pouting.

"I have always been there," Kurt said. "Besides you have to get ready for work today." Kurt rolled out of bed and rummaged through his closet to find some suitable clothing for Blaine and himself.

"Why do I feel like we're already an old married couple," Blaine joked.

"Because we've already been through hell and back," Kurt said, and the mood instantly changed. The immense guilt he felt after the conversation with his father last night returned, and softly, Kurt asked, "How are you doing this morning?"

"Right now I'm good. But I've yet to let my thoughts wander," Blaine sighed. "Thank you," he said as Kurt handed him an outfit. Kurt noticed that Blaine's cheek was still a bit black and blue, and his lip was slightly swollen. His eyes too were puffy from crying.

"The towels are in the closet in the bathroom." Kurt told him. "So is an extra toothbrush and toothpaste," he said with wink. "When you're done you can use my eye gel and makeup to cover the bruising," he offered.

"Thanks," Blaine answered. It wouldn't be his first time covering his father's work. He went to take a shower and get dressed. Blaine contemplated for just a moment asking Kurt to join him as he turned on the water. But he knew the answer would be no. Blaine found it ironic, and quite endearing, that Kurt was so open and bold to the outside world, yet so reserved in the intimacy of the bedroom. He supposed though, that opposites do attract. Blaine had always felt quite comfortable with his body and his sexuality on a personal level. It was putting it out there in the public, genuinely and without the performance that had always scared him. He wondered if maybe that could all change now. He hoped that after yesterday, he would start to find it easier to stop hiding and playing it safe. His thoughts continued to wander, until he heard a knock on the door.

"You can't spend all morning in there Blaine, you have to get to Six Flags, and I still have to get ready."

"You could always join me," Blaine sung to him playfully.

"My Dad and Carole and Finn are here," Kurt sung back to him.

Kurt heard Blaine turn off the water, and smiled. As if to taunt him, Blaine immediately came out of the bathroom, sopping wet and covered only with a loosely draped towel. Teeth brushed, he kissed Kurt good morning, and laughed as Kurt wiped away the wetness Blaine left on his cheeks. Blaine just smiled at him as he returned to Kurt's room to get dressed and closed the door.

Damn you Blaine Anderson, thought Kurt as he started his own shower. Why do you have to be so damn hot!


Blaine rushed downstairs as soon as he was dressed, had his hair gelled and bruises covered. He wanted to talk to Mr. Hummel before Kurt came down. The smell of delicious waffles lured him to the kitchen, where he found Finn at the table eating, and Mr. Hummel reading a newspaper.

"Morning," he said, somewhat shyly, to everyone.

Carole came right over to hug him, "Morning sweetheart, how are you today."

Blaine looked to Finn, who looked uncomfortable and to Mr. Hummel who peaked out from behind his newspaper with a strange mix of concern and suspicion. Blaine wanted desperately to know what his father had said last night, but he didn't want to talk in front of Finn. He turned back to the friendly face of Carole, and said, "I'm doing ok so far, thank you. Those waffles smell delicious."

Carole immediately went to get him one ready and Blaine sat down at the table. He kept glancing over to Mr. Hummel, who quietly finished his newspaper. The three men sat in silence, until Mr. Hummel closed his paper. "Finn," he said, "would you mind going out to mow the lawn? I think it is supposed to rain fairly early today."

"Sure Burt," Finn said slowly, "Or I could just go upstairs to give you two some privacy, because that's what you really want."

"I also want the lawn mowed," Burt said with raised eyebrows.

Blaine was glad when Finn left. He liked Kurt's stepbrother and had a great time hanging out with him. But Blaine was a private person. It was uncomfortable enough the day Kurt tried on his prom kilt and had brought up the issues of his last school dance right in front of Finn. That wasn't something he had wanted Finn to know about, and neither was this.

Blaine sat in silence, waiting for Mr. Hummel to start. He had so many questions but he feared the answers and couldn't find his voice. He had tried not to keep his hopes up. But this nagging voice in the back of his head, that strangely sounded like Kurt, said if anyone could turn his father around, Burt could. Blaine found himself holding his breath. Burt glanced up at Carole and then back to Blaine. "I met with your father last night. I wish I could say that I was able to change things for you, but I don't think I was. He agreed to meet with you tonight, after you get off work. Although he was quite angry that you've been lying to them about your work schedule all summer," he added apologetically.

Blaine lowered his head into his hands. "Dammit." he muttered. Just one more thing, he thought, one more reason for his father to take everything from him. Fear of what his father would do to him immediately rushed over him. His eyes watered again, but this time it was easy to push the tears back. He was too angry to cry. He was angry at his father for hurting him over and over. He was angry at Kurt for pushing his way into the hornet's nest. He was angry at Burt for telling his father the truth. But most of all, he was angry at himself for thinking that there was ever any possibility that his father would change. He got up feverishly and knocked over the chair, but he didn't care. He brought his palms up to his eyes and squeezed them hard. Why had he allowed the Hummels to give him hope that things could be different between him and his father? He knew it never would be.

Kurt came downstairs to see Blaine upset and pacing around his kitchen, like a caged animal. Not wanting to see his boyfriend like that, he walked over to calm him. He cautiously placed his hand on Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine hit it away yelling, "Get off me!" Kurt startled, and Burt shot up out of his seat, but Blaine immediately turned to him, realizing what he had done.

"Oh god Kurt, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it," he said, taking Kurt in his arms. Kurt looked at his father, confused as they stood that way for a moment. Then Kurt took Blaine's two hands in his own. Hold On, Blaine thought looking at his hands in Kurt's. Blaine turned to Burt, "Did he say he was sorry? Did he say anything about Dalton?" he asked with whatever shred of hope he had left.

Burt hesitated, then shook his head. "No. I'm sorry."

He bowed his head. "Did you see my Mom?" Blaine asked worried.

"Yes. She was…ok," Burt said, "She left when I got there and we met at a local coffee shop after I left your Dad."

"What did she say?" He asked nervously.

"I think we can talk about that later," Burt said placing his strong hand on Blaine's shoulder. "After we meet with your Dad and see how that goes." He paused for a moment, then clapped his hands together, "For now, it's time to get you to work. Get your stuff together and I'll drive you boys there."

"Isn't Kurt taking me?" Blaine asked gathering up his bag of clothes from yesterday.

Burt raised his brow at Kurt, and Kurt turned uncomfortably to Blaine, "I kinda lost my car privileges for the next week. For lying to Dad about where I was going last night."

"Oh," Blaine said. So that's how it works in a normal house, Blaine thought.

"Come on boys. I'll take you both there and we'll bring Kurt home when you're done. Then we'll head over to your Dad's house," Burt said.

"Sounds like fun," Blaine muttered to no one in particular.


Kurt sat in the front row of the small outdoor arena at Six Flags where Blaine performed during the morning and afternoon shows. Blaine had shared with Kurt that the morning show was a mix of music and dance in a sun inspired show. It was a bunch of fluff, but Kurt enjoyed watching Blaine dance and perform in a co-ed group. It gave Blaine some time to cool down and let off some steam, and he began to understand how important the Warblers must have been to Blaine's sanity. When Blaine was done, he came bounding off the stage, all smiles looking much more like himself again.

"See, I told you I'd make a fool of myself," Blaine said playfully.

"I think you were adorable," Kurt told him. "I think you're adorable."

"Hmm...that sounds awfully familiar," Blaine laughed. "Come one, we've got about 2 hours before I need to perform again. The next one's more of a bunch of us doing solo performances."

"Any news from the guys?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, Nick said he and the others would be here by 2:30 for the show."

Kurt reached out his hand to Blaine, who hesitated looking around. Kurt raised his brows at him, and Blaine took a deep breath and clasped hands. Kurt squeezed hard. "You don't have to worry about somebody seeing you and telling your Dad now, you know," Kurt reminded him.

"I know," Blaine said, "But old habits are hard to break," he said, thinking back to his instinctual fear this morning.

The two walked around for a while, watching the people enjoy the amusement park, occasionally going on a ride here and there. Blaine won Kurt a teddy bear at the baseball toss. Kurt insisted that they get their caricatures done. Then, Blaine took Kurt's hand and ran to the Ferris Wheel. "The most romantic ride in the whole park," Blaine commented to Kurt with a wink.

They sat together in their red car and snuggled close. Kurt put his head on Blaine's shoulder as they waited for the ride to start. As they jolted to a start, Kurt quickly grabbed Blaine's hand, and Blaine laughed fondly at his little scaredy cat. For a few moments, they sat in silence. It allowed Kurt's guilt for everything he had done the day before to resurface.

"I really am sorry," Kurt said quietly.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about that," Blaine said a bit more harshly then he intended.

"First of all, you said we weren't going to talk about it, not me. Second of all, you said last night. You said nothing about today."

"Well, there's nothing for you to be sorry about it," Blaine said dismissively and without feeling.

"That's not true and you know it," Kurt challenged him. "Look, I know what I did was wrong. Dad and I talked about it last night." He lowered his head, "I invaded your privacy, I didn't accept your wishes, I didn't respect you," Kurt said. "I didn't respect that no meant no," he added shamefully, looking over to Blaine.

Blaine sighed. "I would be lying, Kurt, if I said I wasn't angry and hurt by what you did. Because it wasn't right," he paused. "But to be honest I'm angry with myself more for not telling you the truth from the beginning." He closed his eyes, and Kurt found himself wanting more than anything to kiss those beautiful lashes. "Most of all I'm angry that someone didn't do what you did years ago."

Kurt wanted to cry at Blaine's pain, but instead he took Blaine's hand and stroked it gently. They sat wordlessly again for a few minutes, soaking in the silence caused by years of secrets. Suddenly, the Ferris Wheel hit the top and the car abruptly stopped.

Blaine looked to the sky, feeling so close to the heavens. Here he was, holding his boyfriend's hand, free from his father's wrath, able to love the most amazing boy in the world. Quietly he said, "I used to pray for someone to come save me, and my mom, from my father's rage. I always thought God didn't answer…"

"You know I don't believe in God Blaine," Kurt interrupted.

"But people say that God answers at the right time, not in your time," Blaine continued, ignoring Kurt. "I think he had a plan for us, and I think this was part of it."

Kurt was quiet, looking at his boyfriend thoughtfully.

Blaine studied him back for what seemed to Kurt like an eternity. Finally, he said, "Please don't ever do what you did again," Blaine reprimanded him. "I won't keep any more secrets from you, but I need to know I can trust you."

"I won't Blaine. I promise, you can trust me," Kurt said, eyes shining. "I love you more than anything."

Blaine said nothing. Instead he cupped Kurt's head in his hand, and pulled him in for a deep kiss, exploring every nook and cranny of Kurt's tongue, lips and mouth. The Ferris Wheel started moving again for its final descent, and the two did not part until it reached the bottom.


Blaine and Kurt rushed to the commotion by the stage, only to find a gaggle of girls surrounding a small group of young men in uniforms. Kurt and Blaine made their way through, and were both bombarded with hugs when they reunited with the Warblers. Kurt was greeted warmly by Trent and Jeff, while Wes, David and Thad each thumped Blaine hard on the back. Everyone was smiling, when finally Blaine turned to Nick.

"Come here man," Nick said, with his arms open wide. Blaine fell into them, and his tears started falling again. "Did the words come?" Nick whispered in his ear.

"Yeah," Blaine answered. "Most of them," he paused. "Thank you. For everything."

Jeff walked over to Blaine, and held something out to him…his Dalton blazer.

Blaine looked around at everyone and shook his head, "Oh man guys, I can't. I'm sorry. I really don't think I'm going to be coming back."

"You haven't left us yet," Nick said, smiling. "Besides, once a Warbler, always a Warbler."

Blaine looked at it wistfully, then slowly put the blazer on. He had to admit, it felt wonderful. All the guys piled on top of him, patting him on the back. Kurt stood to the side, smiling.

"Blaine," yelled the stage manager from behind the stage. "You got 15 minutes."

"I gotta go guys," he said waving to everyone and giving Kurt a quick kiss. "Hope you enjoy the show."

The boys sat down and chatted about their summer vacations until the stage lights went on and the first performer came out. Blaine and three others alternated singing a variety of solos and duets. Blaine sang "Teenage Dream", which of course drew screams from the crowd, as well as "Somewhere Only We Know." He sang one love song with a pretty blond girl, which made the Warblers cackle. Blaine was honored with the final performance, and Kurt sat tall, listening, as Blaine gazed out at his boyfriend and best friends from behind the piano. Then he looked out at the crowd.

"Thank you everyone for coming this afternoon. The last song I am going to sing for you today was written by a dear friend of mine," Blaine said, glancing at Nick. Nick smiled, and the Warblers all nudged him grinning. Kurt looked at Nick surprised. "He gave it to me a while ago and told me to sing it when I was ready. Well, I think I am. It's called 'Ready to Fly'."

Blaine closed his eyes and started playing the beautiful piano introduction. He remembered back to the times when his mother would leave the house after his father's rages. All alone with his father, he wondered why she could be safe while he remained. He slowly came to understand that a real man's job was to protect and defend, and he did what he must to keep his mother safe. He sang to the audience, to Kurt, and to himself, to tell the world all he wanted to tell his father.

Firefly summers and butterfly springs
A little boy sings and looks to the sky
As a mother whispers through her tears
"It's time, come kiss me goodbye."

Floating and falling, riding the breeze
Gliding with ease, I'm flown through the sky.
And I'm told that when I'm strong enough
I'll be ready to fly.

Scared, confused, and angry as hell
That I'm left on my own
No I refuse to fly into the crystal clear
Lose the things I've held so dear
If I stay up here, my heart will turn to stone.

And turn to stone he did. He had stayed too long. He could have survived the bullies at school, if the biggest bully wasn't at home. So he did what he had to, returning home when called. He lived the deals his father made and survived his choices, so he too could escape to freedom every once in a while. He kept his secrets. But he knew now that none of it was real.

I see my reflection, I know that it's me.
But all that I see is a beautiful lie.
Will the boy fade into memory
Once I'm ready to fly?

He looked at his best friends, in their Dalton blazers. Behind the smile, the hijinks, and the music was the true Blaine Anderson. Blaine Warbler was the lie. But who would he be without everything he's known? It scared him. Then his eyes fell back to Kurt and he knew that as long as he had love, he would always be himself. He took off his Dalton blazer, and threw it into the crowd.

Stop!
Take hold,
Put trust in the wind,
Have faith when it calls.
Wings unfold and fly into the crystal clear,
Letting go of ancient fear
Because way up here
Nothing ever falls

Blaine looked at Kurt and smiled. He saw Mr. Hummel walk up behind the crowd, hands in his pocket, nodding at Blaine with approval. He sang to the man who showed him what a father should be.

With no expectations
Let the journey begin
How can I win if I don't ever try?
Will I prove that I am strong enough
When I'm ready?
Am I ready?
I am ready!

He looked at everyone in the crowd, all those who loved him and care about him. And he felt true freedom. He laughed as he thought of Pavarotti, the darn little bird who brought Kurt and him together.

And a voice in the breeze starts to whisper,
As I think of the bridges I've crossed.
Finding the strength, I'm spreading my wings,
Put trust in the wind and see what it brings
And I'm ready,
I'm ready to fly!
I'm ready to fly.

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief. He was ready to face his father, say the things he needed to say, and leave. He could leave Dalton behind him, and the Warblers, and he would be okay. No more deals. No more secrets.

The Warblers rushed the stage, hugging him and patting him on the back and he beamed back at them. Blaine gave Nick a strong hug and a pat on the back. Then he turned to see Kurt grinning at him from across the stage. He walked toward him, smiling back. "I love you," he said, staring at the beautiful angel before him.

Kurt met him center stage, "I love you too," he said, and kissed him in the middle of Six Flags for all to see. Blaine hesitated for only a minute, then wrapped his arms around Kurt and kissed him back. The Warblers cheered.

Burt approached the two and cleared his throat. They kept their arms wrapped around one another, but turned smiling to Kurt's Dad. "I hate to break up the levity, but…are you ready to go?"

Blaine nodded to Mr. Hummel and Kurt, "Yeah, I'm ready," he said confidently.

End Notes: I would very much like to thank my dear friend, Scott Evan Davis (on twitter @scottevandavis) for the use of his song "Ready to Fly."

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