Hey Guys, I know I know... I am alive and I am SO SO SORRY FOR LONG WAIT... I had a little writer's blog and then Gosh! Studying Designing is not easy and especially when you have to study of 6 designing departments, together in Foundation year so wish me luck and then I had final semester exams and I am happy because I got great marks... 3.11 GPA ;) and now started 2nd semester.

And hopefully I will try updating once a week like I use to do.

Now coming to the story hold on tight cause it's still angst and a bang in the end *smirks n winks*

Please ignore my Silly mistakes I do not have beta...

*kisses* and here we go...

Chapter 20

I deserve to Die!

Blaine's POV,

Rushing out of the mansion was all got into Blaine's mind at the moment, as he just couldn't even look Kurt into the eyes and more or less stand in the same roof with him after what he just did. One tear that roll down from Kurt's eye was enough to jerk Blaine and break him apart, and his mind stopped working with only one thing crowded,

"I slapped him... I-I slapped, hit My Kurt"and that was how he couldn't take it anymore with what he did and even hearing Kurt's pleading to stop, he ran out of the mansion.

Running faster in his vampire speed as he kept running and running in dark trying to get as far as he could hope that even his own shadow won't follow behind him.

He did not know for how long he kept running trying to get away cause all he could think was that he hit Kurt, hurted him again when it was the last thing he wanted now. Finally, after running for so long Blaine stopped in the dark woods silence everywhere just the sounds of crickets. As he lean against one of the tree, his mind was almost on the edge to explode and he let out a loud growl,

"AGHHHHH!"

The morning came, but Blaine did not leave the woods. All night passed by and he didn't even blinked for once staring at his hand with which he slapped Kurt. He couldn't believe in why he did. He was blanked out, his mind was all but with one thought rushing in him and eating him up was,

"How could I do it...? How could I hurt him...? How could I-I hit him... How did I allow it to happen?" This was the only thought, the regret Blaine was facing right now. As he suddenly stood up from ground saying,

"I... I am amonster... I d-don't deserve anything good...I-I just deserve to be punished... and hate..." Moreover, saying that he banged his hand hard against the share point edgy branch or wood and wince lightly in pain as it ended up slicing his hand and blood oozing out. But he didn't cared for it because he thought he deserved the pain for hurting his Kurt for hurting the only one he started loving more than anything else and needed. Now what he did, he ended up losing the last person he wanted to lose now when he just got him. He ruined it all...everything.

Later that night,Blaine was still in the woods sitting next to one of the tall thick tree next to the small waterfall, as he was starring at his reflection in the water. It was the first time in years that he finally actually noticed how different he had got, how much he have changed because it was not the real Blaine Anderson, it was not the real Blaine he use to be once, he was someone else now, someone he doesn't really belongs to, someone he never thought he would become, someone who was not born but was created.

Blaine didn't know for exactly how king he kept standing there staring at his own reflection and trying to figure out who he truly is or was and what had he become and now when life gave him another chance to actually try to find who he truly was or want to be with bringing up one person in his life Kurt who looked past the hard-core of him, he once again ruined it all again leaving himself with empty hands, with nothing but the darkness he was trapped in from decades now.

And it was when Blaine suddenly started to sing, it was like right now he needed to let it out more than any other thing.

"I'm bleeding out

So if the last thing that I do

Is bring you down

I'll bleed out for you

So I bare my skin

And I count my sins

And I close my eyes

And I take it in

I'm bleeding out

I'm bleeding out for you, for you.

When the day has come

That I've lost my way around

And the seasons stop and hide beneath the ground

When the sky turns gray

And everything is screaming

You reached inside of me

Just to find my heart is still beating"

Blaine was thinking of how he thought that he has lost his heart his, his heart beat and that he is felt with no soul no heart, but how Kurt came in his life n look past the frozen walls and made his heart beat again in an all different way.

"Oh, you tell me to hold on

Oh, you tell me to hold on

But innocence is gone

And what was right is wrong

Cause I'm bleeding out

So if the last thing that I do

Is to bring you down

I'll bleed out for you

So I bare my skin

And I count my sins

And I close my eyes

And I take it in

And I'm bleeding out

I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

When the hour is nigh

And hopelessness is sinking in

And the wolves all cry

To fill the night with hollering

When your eyes are red

And emptiness is all you know

With the darkness fed

I will be your scarecrow"

The flash backs of the times Kurt cried cause of Blaine was clouding in his mind his red teary eyes, his cries, his whimper and the look of hurt on his face were all haunting him right now.

"You tell me to hold on

Oh you tell me to hold on

But innocence is gone

And what was right is wrong

Cause I'm bleeding out

So if the last thing that I do

Is to bring you down

I'll bleed out for you

So I bare my skin

And I count my sins

And I close my eyes

And I take it in

And I'm bleeding out

I'm bleeding out for you, for you.

I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

I'm bleeding out for you

Cause I'm bleeding out

So if the last thing that I do

Is to bring you down

I'll bleed out for you

So I bare my skin

And I count my sins

And I close my eyes

And I take it in

And I'm bleeding out

I'm bleeding out for you, for you."

He finished the song falling down on his knees and let out the sob he was holding on as he started crying out loud holding his head in his hands and stare at the sky and groaned,"I-I am so sorry Kurt... Y-you deserved better than I...did I don't deserve you... I...I just deserve to be hated... I deserve to have pain... To die..." With that said he get up on his feet tears still streaming out and eyes blood-shot red as he quickly grabbed a thick pointed wooden branch and without thinking twice brought it with speed to stab across his heart saying out loud,

"I AM SORRY KURT...! YOU WILL BE FREE...YOU DESERVE BETTER... I DONT DESERVE TO BE YOURS... I DESERVE TO DIE!"