It was an ordinary day when Blaine had to tell Kurt everything; when Blaine had to finally reveal the only secret he had held onto for so long.

They were clearing out Blaine's room so he could move to New York with as little as possible when Kurt found it. Blaine had disappeared downstairs to get more trash bags when Kurt had pulled a tatty notebook from a small box. Intrigued, he opened it.

Kurt was expecting empty pages, song lyrics, or a diary even. What he found was nothing like that.

Kurt had found a journal full of suicide notes, dried blood stains on some pages, and crinkled paper, presumably from tears.

As he read the seemingly endless notes, he heard Blaine walk into the room behind him.

"Hey, guess what I found! There's a picture of me when I was about two-" He stopped abruptly when he saw tears falling from Kurt's eyes. "What's wrong, Kurt?" he said as his eyes fell to the notebook lying open in Kurt's lap. "Oh."

"Blaine," Kurt breathed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I-I didn't want y-you to know, Kurt," he whispered, his voice breaking on the last word. "I couldn't tell you."

"Blaine," he repeated, unable to say much else. His eyes fell to the journal, and he started reading.

"I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't want my dad to hate me because of something I can't change, something I was born with. I don't want my mum to look at me like that anymore, and I don't want my brother to call me a fag." His voice caught on the last word, and a shaky breath escaped his lips. "I didn't want to upset anyone any longer, I can't be here anymore." Hands trembling, he flicked forward a few pages.

"I don't want to do this. No one is ever going to read this, no one cares."

"Kurt, stop. Please, stop it. I-I can't listen to that. Please, just stop reading." Blaine sat down opposite Kurt on his bed, and took a deep breath in. "I guess I'll have to tell you, right?"

Kurt shut the journal and threw it away from him. It landed upside down with a dull thud onto the carpeted floor. He took Blaine's hands into his own, and stared into his eyes. "I'm not forcing you to, but this is big, baby. I need to know what happened."

Blaine nodded slowly. He tentatively reached up to brush away a stray tear on Kurt's cheek. "Don't cry, Kurt. I love you."

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hands. "I love you so much more than anything."

Blaine smiled weakly, and closed his eyes for a second, trying to regain composure. He took in a deep breath and began talking.

"Before I met you, before I went to Dalton, I was at a school that didn't like homosexuality at all. Before the Sadie Hawkins dance, it was bearable because it was just rumors. No one had anything solid. When I came out to my parents though, it was like someone had taken this giant hammer and crushed anything positive about my life." Blaine blinked back tears and coughed, trying to fight the sobs that were threatening to erupt any second. "I had nothing left worth holding on for," he whispered, barely audible to his boyfriend. Kurt rubbed slow, soothing circles onto the backs of Blaine's hands.

"You don't have to do this now, Blaine," Kurt soothed, desperately trying to pull the boy sitting opposite him back from wherever his mind had wandered to.

"No. If I don't tell you now, I never will," he responded, tears lacing his every word.

"Okay, if you're sure. But listen to me, if it gets too much you tell me straight away." It wasn't a question, it was a command. Blaine nodded. He turned to look out of his window because he didn't want to know what he would find in Kurt's eyes.

"I couldn't do it. The rumors became truth at school and it all got worse. Nobody would talk to me anymore, except to call me things or tell me I was better off-" A sob erupted through Blaine's body. He shook his head, and carried on, quieter than before. "Everyone said I was better off dead."

"Blaine," Kurt breathed, holding his hands so tightly that he feared he may break his boyfriend's bones.

"I felt so bad, all the time. I could barely get myself out of bed every morning because I had absolutely nothing to live for. Until," he breathed out slowly. "Until I found Ed. He was gay, too. He asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance with him, and I thought that finally, something g-good might actually h-happen to me."

He tore his hand from Kurt's, and roughly wiped away tears from each eye. Kurt could barely hear what he said next. "I was wrong. I was so, so wrong."

"What happened? Just, go slow," reassured Kurt.

"Ed got away, I told him to run before they could hit him again. I wasn't quite so lucky, and after they'd finished, I was lying there with absolutely no reason to try and hold on any longer, so once I was home, I didn't," he said, voice cracking as he spoke.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked in a small voice.

"My parents signed the papers and then disappeared, my brother never visited. I went home to an empty house, and I raided the-the medicine-" Blaine shook his head violently. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"No, it's okay. Don't apologize. Take it slow, baby," Kurt said, tears threatening to fall any second.

"I took all the pills I could find, and fell asleep in the bathtub. I-I wouldn't be here today if my brother hadn't forgotten his lunch money."

There was a silence that fell between the two boys, neither of them knowing what could be said to express how they felt. Without thinking, Kurt shuffled awkwardly along the bed to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. Blaine returned the hug, his body still shaking with sobs. After a minute or so, Kurt pulled back.

"Blaine, look at me," Kurt whispered. Blaine continued to avoid his eyes.

"Look at me, baby," he repeated, louder this time. After a moment of hesitation, Blaine flicked his eyes up and into Kurt's.

"Kurt," Blaine murmured.

"Listen to me, Blaine. I love you more than anything in the world, and nothing is ever going to change that. I am so glad that your brother forgot his lunch money that day because I don't know how I'd survive without you, Blaine Anderson. You are my whole world, and if you ever, ever feel like that again, you come and find me. No matter what time it is, whether we are still together-"

"Kurt, I can't be without you." The tone of desperation in his voice was unnoticeable. Blaine's gaze dropped down to his lap where his hands were resting. He didn't realize that his fingernails were digging into his into palms, a habit he thought he had long since grown out of. Kurt took Blaine's chin between his fingers and tilted it up so that he was forced to look at him again.

"And I can't be without you, but if we ever are not together anymore, and I hope that that day never comes, but if we ever are, you still ring me or come and see me, because the world without you in it would be an unbearable place, Blaine. There's one more thing, and I want you to tell me the truth, I'm not going to judge you. Was that the first time you had ever tried to hurt yourself?"

Blaine's sharp intake of breath gave Kurt the answer he'd been dreading.

"Why is there blood on some of the pages, Blaine?"

Blaine couldn't seem to find the words.

"Kurt, I-I, when, before that day, I didn't cope w-well. I used to, when I felt really l-low, I used to; God, why is this so hard?" Blaine's eyes flickered around the room, searching for the courage to go on. "When I felt really bad, I, um, I c-cut myself," he whispered, the lump in his throat hard to swallow down.

Kurt's hands moved over his boyfriend's, massaging circles into the backs of them, trying to get him to loosen up. As Blaine's façade broke and a tidal wave of tears escaped his eyes, Kurt continued whispering reassuring phrases, even though his mind was yelling at him to just do something else already. Silently, Kurt wondered how he had never seen the scars, but decided that now wasn't the time to ask that question. Instead, he settled for something that he needed an honest answer to.

"When was the last time?"

Blaine breathed heavily in, and slowly released it as he spoke. "It was bad a couple of months ago, when you were in New York and I was here. I felt really alone, and some days it just helped, but before that, a while back I guess."

Kurt nodded, completely unsure of what else he could do. He took a breath, and asked the question he needed to know the answer to.

"Why didn't you tell me? We've been together for years now, Blaine. Surely you knew that I wouldn't have judged you." Blaine blinked furiously, not letting himself cry.

"I c-couldn't, Kurt. I've never told anyone." Kurt nodded again, and continued.

"You should've told me," he soothed.

"I know, I'm sorry." Blaine's voice was small.

"It's okay, baby. Do you still get urges? And be honest with me, I need to know."

"I'd be a liar if I said I didn't, because I do. All the time, it's there. But the difference this time is that I know I've got a reason not to. Before, I had nothing and no one gave a damn about what happened to me." Blaine looked into Kurt's eyes, and was surprised at the amount of compassion he found there. "Now, I've got you. You are all I need, Kurt."

Kurt's lips moved forwards to join Blaine's, and he lingered there for longer than usual. When he had to pull back for air, Kurt let his forehead rest against Blaine's, their hands intertwined below.

"I love you so much Blaine Anderson. I want you to be happy for your whole life because you deserve nothing less. I hate that you feel like that, so much more than I can put into words. But please, know that you are loved. You are loved so much, and I never want to be with anyone else, except you. You are my everything, Blaine, and together, we're going to get past this." Blaine's mouth found itself on Kurt's again, and the two teens reveled in each other.

"I don't know how to thank you, because nothing I say will ever truly express how grateful I am to have you in my life, Kurt. I wouldn't be here without you," Blaine said, kissing Kurt again.

"You don't have to say anything, except this. Promise me something. Promise me that when you get an urge, you come and talk to me. It doesn't even have to be about that, just talk to me. Heck, talk to me about the weather if you want to. Just remind yourself that you're not alone. I am always going to be here for you. I'm sad that you didn't tell me all of this before, but I understand why, and I, I just love you." A small smile played on Blaine's lips, and he nodded.

"I promise."