Blaine didn't know what to do with himself anymore. Seeing your parents for the first time in over ten years tended to cause most people emotional upheaval and he was no exception to that rule. Especially since it had been the anniversary of his death. How could he have forgotten about that?

But it was more than that. While he had expected to see the sadness and grief on his mother's face - though it did nothing to lessen the pain in his chest - his father's tears had taken him by surprise.

It wasn't that Blaine's father had hated him. Sure, they hadn't been on best terms after Blaine had come out to his parents. He'd had a difficult time accepting that his youngest son was gay, especially after Cooper had gone off to Los Angeles to try and become an actor, a choice John Anderson didn't exactly approve of. But he had tried to understand, even though his methods had been questionable at times.

Still, his father had rarely shown emotions, even at home with his family. Blaine could count on one hand the hugs from him he'd received after his fifth birthday. Even with their mother there hadn't been many displays of affection when they weren't completely to themselves. Seeing him standing in front of Blaine's picture, crying together with his mother over the fact that they'd lost their son more than ten years ago... It had hurt more than Blaine wanted to admit. And not just because he didn't want to see either of them in pain. Mostly because his father had obviously opened up emotionally - but only after Blaine had died.

All in all, Blaine didn't really feel like the visit had brought him any closer to moving on. It just hurt and he didn't know what to think of his father's change, but it didn't feel like it had made a difference. It had been good seeing them again despite everything but it hadn't felt right or all warm and tingly like he felt around a certain someone...

And that was another source of utter confusion for Blaine. Rachel always gushed at him over how everything leading you a step closer to moving on would feel like this and you'd just know that you were fulfilling your destiny (although he had no idea how she would know since there wasn't really any possibility to talk to those who'd left the mortal world behind for good). He'd always waved it off, thinking that she just tried to romanticize everything again like she tended to do. But now... he'd lie if he said he didn't know that feeling.

It had started the very first time he'd met Kurt Hummel. It hadn't been the first time he'd interacted with the living... But definitely the first time it had felt like this. The moment their fingers had touched, Blaine had felt warmer than he could remember having felt ever since he'd died. It was like he was back in his old, living, breathing body, like coming home. He'd seen the surprise in Kurt's beautiful eyes and had known that he wasn't imagining things. Kurt had felt it too.

Every time they had touched since then, the tingly, warm, cozy feeling had accompanied the action. What astounded Blaine the most, though, was how effortless touching Kurt was. Gathering enough concentration and energy to solidify enough to actually interact with material things in the mortal world usually was hard, exhausting work. It took years of practice, someone who'd died mere months ago couldn't hold that state for more than a few seconds.

But with Kurt, it felt like breathing. Hugging him, touching him, it all was as easy as it had been when he'd been alive, human. It didn't tire him out like it usually did. In fact, sometimes he felt like he had more energy than before, like he was taking some of Kurt's. As far as he was aware that wasn't even possible but that didn't change the way it felt.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to shut everything out, jumping violently when a hand he knew all too well landed on his shoulder all of a sudden.

"What's up, Blainers? Did the milkmaid get lost on the bus ride? Or wasn't he allowed to get on without his parents accompanying him?"

Blaine just rolled his eyes in exasperation. There were days he could laugh at Sebastian's snark and there were days he just couldn't. "Stop calling him that, Seb, how often do I need to tell you."

He felt the air stir next to him and knew that his friend had sat down beside him without having to look. "Okay, really now. I'm serious. What's bothering you, tiger? You're only that short with me when you're in a foul mood - no pun intended. So why the bitchy tone?"

Blaine sighed at himself, wondering why he'd thought he would get off that easily. Sebastian had known him for the past eleven years now, who was he kidding?

"I'm fine, Seb. It's just... It's been eleven years to the day."

There was no need for further explanation, Sebastian immediately knew what he was referring to. "Oh B, that sucks. Should I get you flowers to brighten the mood? Sing you 'Happy dying day to you'?"

"Please, no flowers."

They smiled at each other weakly. It stayed silent for a while, until Rachel's telltale presence filled the halls of McKinley. Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"She's going to be onto your case. Do you want me to distract her for tonight? It's been a while since I compared her to Florence Foster Jenkins. That should have her screaming abuse for a few hours at least."

Blaine shook his head, unable to help the way his lips twitched up in a smile. Sebastian wasn't one for epic speeches or reassuring words altogether, but deliberately putting up with an insulted Rachel was a much greater service of friendship, anyway.

"No need, but thank you. I'm going to have to deal with her sooner or later and I actually have something I wanted to talk to her about."

"Something you can't discuss with me?" Sebastian asked, glancing at him suspiciously.

Blaine just shrugged his shoulders and after narrowing his eyes at him for another few seconds, Sebastian finally gave in and stood. "Well, I guess I'll see you around when Yentl releases you from her clutches." And with that he disappeared down the hallway, just in time so he wouldn't walk into Rachel.

"Blaine! There you are! I've been searching at least half of McKinley!" she said, taking Sebastian's vacated seat without further ado.

"Hello to you too, Rachel," Blaine sighed, gaze fixed on a very interesting spot on the floor.

"Blaine. None of this. To keep it short, Kurt told me what happened. Why didn't you tell us?"

Still, Blaine couldn't bring himself to look up at her. "I forgot."

"Oh Blaine." Her arms were around him in an instant and even though it didn't feel half as good as hugging Kurt, it was nice nonetheless.

"I'm just so confused," he mumbled into her hair. "I don't feel one bit closer to moving it. It almost feels like I'm trying to move in the wrong direction. I felt so much colder and emptier than-" He stopped himself just in time. He wasn't sure about sharing his feelings for Kurt with Rachel just yet. They were still so confused and Rachel would just overanalyze them to death, anyway.

"Than what?" she asked, not about to let him out of this so easily.

With another sigh, Blaine decided to just go for it - she'd probably get it out of him soon enough, if he wanted her to know or not. "Than when I'm around Kurt," he whispered, barely audible. Being Rachel, she of course heard it nevertheless.

"And what exactly do you feel around Kurt, if not cold and empty?"

"Warm. Tingly. And it's so effortless. It's like... like being human again. Easy as breathing," he told her, eyes unfocusing as his mind wandered back to the few times he'd been able to hold Kurt's lithe body close to his. He'd felt so alive again. Like none of the events of the night of the Sadie Hawkins dance had ever happened. Like he was just a normal teenage boy with a crush.

"That sounds wonderful, Blaine." She smiled at him, something shifting behind her eyes. He should probably be scared, but he just couldn't find it in him to do so. Rachel was a force of nature, anyway. Once she was set out on something there was no stopping her.

"I don't know. It's not helping with my confusion, Rach," he mumbled, burying his face deeper into her hair, thus missing the determined glint in her eyes.

"I'm sure that'll settle eventually, Blaine. Trust me, everything's going to be just fine."

Later that night, Blaine would think back to her words and the way she said them and a shiver would race up his spine. There was no doubt: Rachel Berry was planning something. And that was rarely a good thing.